Merle haggard holding things together lyrics | | 30[M4F] Seeking a Love that Embraces My Imperfections and Ignites Passion

Hey Reddit, I'm putting myself out there in search of something real, something profound. I'm tired of superficial connections and fleeting romances. What I truly desire is someone who loves me for who I am, flaws and all. Someone who won't abandon ship when things get tough but will hold my hand and navigate the storms together. And yes, someone who sets my world on fire in the bedroom. About Me: I'm a firm believer in authenticity and transparency. I'm not perfect, and I'm not looking for someone who expects perfection. I have my quirks, insecurities, and moments of vulnerability. But I also have a heart full of love and passion waiting to be shared with the right person. What I'm Seeking: I'm searching for a partner who appreciates the beauty of imperfection. Someone who understands that life isn't always smooth sailing, but who is willing to work through the rough patches together, with open communication and unwavering support. I want a person who sees my flaws as part of what makes me unique and loves me even more because of them. Compatibility is essential, both in and out of the bedroom. I'm looking for someone who sparks a fire within me, igniting a passionate connection that goes beyond the physical realm. A partner who can explore the depths of intimacy and pleasure with me, creating a safe space where we can be our authentic selves without judgment. What Sets Me Apart: In addition to valuing emotional and physical connection, I'm also a great listener, with a genuine interest in understanding my partner's dreams, desires, and fears. I believe that true intimacy is built on a foundation of trust and vulnerability. If you're someone who appreciates authenticity, cherishes connection, and seeks an adventurous partner both emotionally and physically, then we might just be a perfect match. Let's Connect: If my words resonate with you, send me a message and let's start this journey together. Share a little about yourself, your passions, and what you're looking for in a partner. Let's see if our hearts align and if the sparks ignite. Remember, the beauty of a lasting relationship lies in accepting one another's imperfections and growing together. Let's create something extraordinary, both in love and between the sheets. Looking forward to hearing from you.

I apologize as it's a bit of a novel and doesn't quite make grammatical sense in some spots. I can read goodly now and again lol. The reason it says M4R is because I mainly like women and trans women but I also like a very very very specific type of guy and certain trans men as I'm partially bi. Chances are you aren't that type but feel free to ask if you are. (Didn’t want to offend anyone so I’d rather say in private) Just throwing that out there as it's a deal breaker for most women. Which why would it be? The number one reason I get is I'm going to cheat on them with a guy. As if being bi has any bearing on cheating and not the persons character.
I'm a 35 year old guy living in the middle-ish of Texas looking for a female partner. Partner as in LTR. That's Long Term Relationship meaning boyfriend and girlfriend and holding hands type of stuff. You know, adult things? I had someone comment I was too vague so this is me being specific. I'm gonna be honest and kinda sad so bare with me.
So I spent New Years alone (I realize June is like tomorrow lol but I have yet to meet someone and I think the story is still somewhat relevant). Rang in the New Year in bed staring at the ceiling listening to fireworks go off into the night. The next day I cried randomly while browsing for a movie to watch on TV. At first I didn't know why as I'm not much of a crier but I realized for the first time that I genuinely felt alone. I have no partner, no family that I speak to, no friends just acquaintances, really no one there for me. That's my own doing which took years to accomplish through me being closed off and just shutting people out, so I figure it might take just as long to fix. I'm not complaining as I got myself into this predicament. It's gonna sound dumb but I wanted a New Years kiss. I'd never had one and it seemed like a fun dumb silly thing to do. Eh maybe one day. Ok well back to my spiel. (I'm not depressed or anything or wanting attention) Some of my hobbies and interests are movies, reading, cooking, kayaking, records, video games, board games, snorkeling, bowling, swimming, escape rooms, puzzles and antiquing. I would describe myself as more goofy and dorky than nerdy. I like to go out and do fun things but also stay in and cuddle and relax. I guess it depends on my mood and the weather. I prefer the cold and would love to live in a state with actual seasons and snow. I'm 5'10, stocky AKA fat and open for adventure and new experiences.
Here are some random facts about me:
Some of my favorite bands are: The Black Keys, Kings of Leon, The Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival and The White Stripes.
Christmas is my favorite holiday, mainly because of the cold and festive activities.
I come from a medium-ish family.
I'm exceptionally patient but every person has a breaking point lol
I like traveling a lot. It's a basic thing that lots of people like. But I've found lots of people hate to leave their house, town or state so if that's you we probably might not be a good match. I also enjoy the mountains. But I don't like roughing it (give me that sweet AC in the summer). Hiking is so hard on my knees and I haven't done it in a while that if I were to I think about doing it I'd about die or twist a kankle.
I don't eat seafood, mushrooms, artichokes or pineapple on pizza (Who cares about this? Doesn't mean I won't go to a restaurant with you that has these things)
Never went to college as I'm horrible in a classroom setting and at taking tests.
Have probably the most boring job imaginable (Ask me about it)
Overweight but trying to work on it and make better choices (Get healthier and lose weight together maybe?)
Non religious but no issue with what you believe. (If anything)
Looking into sterilization. If you are already maybe you can give me some info or tips?
My own red flags 🚩
I work too much and oftentimes can't talk.
I send selfies often. I'm a visual person and like receiving photos. Apparently it's a generational thing. Hopefully you think pictures are neat as well? Is it really that weird to want to see you and your life and show you mine?
I sometimes speedily become attached to people, not in a weird way, but if I like you and we have some kind of connection, I will enjoy talking to you and want to do it often.
I'm a very organized person and will plan out pretty much anything from a vacation to a road trip to a birthday. This makes being with a go with the flow type of person hard at times I've learned but still very much doable.
Due to childhood trauma I'm secretive which can be annoying.
MY own "HELL YES" 🏁
I know how to cook.
I will always drive if you want. (Within reason)
Great at escape rooms and jigsaw puzzles.
Can read a map.
Decent at reading backwards upside down writing.
What I'm looking for:
Is my age or older. But I'm willing to go quite a bit lower if you are neat and we have stuff in common. But super young isn't my goal here.
Mature, considerate, responsible and funny (Dorky wouldn't hurt)
Someone who never cheats, honesty and trust are important to me.
Someone who is open-minded, willing to try new things, be adventurous, funny and nerdy.
Someone who believes in sharing household chores equally because we are both adults.
Be open and frank about issues you or I are having. Not pushy or jealous. Won't yell or argue about stupid things, I've had enough of that.
Willing to push me to become a better version of myself (Can you turn me into Batman?)
If this sounds like you then feel free to reach out and say hi or challenge me to a game of Scrabble/Pictionary/hand to hand combat maybe? Maybe Wordle or some online vidya game?
P.S. I realize my post isn't for everyone but if your seeing red flags from my post then I'd say trust your gut and please don't message me as we probably aren't compatible. I honestly don't mean that in a mean or hurtful way. I've just been messaged quite often with women saying they pushed aside red flags to get to know me. Please don't, it never ends well and you end up wasting both of our time. Wouldn't you rather spend it finding your person with no flags?

I thought I'd found home in their arms, not just in their arms but in a house with roommates who felt like family. The narc said to me "you're like family to me," and "you're one of the most important people in my life", but at the end, took it back. Our other roommate, who would cook for me, hold me when I was crying, and help me with anything in the whole world, was wonderful. But I had to leave that house, because of the narc, who had used emotional and physical intimacy to manipulate me, and has their hooks in that other wonderful person. I thought I'd found home; I desperately wanted it to be my home. But I never felt welcome. I never felt safe. I feel like I've lost something I never really had; I don't know where I'll ever find that kind of living space again. People who shared my interests, understood mental health/being autistic.. I felt so accepted; when we watched things togetheplayed games we had so much fun. But the narc poisoned everything, from the very start. I'm in so much pain I can't believe it. It was everything I ever wanted, but the narc stole it from me. Why did they have to be this way. Why did they have to be sick like this.
It's been two weeks and the depression won't stop. The nightmares won't stop. Even though I have people, I feel completely, utterly alone in the world.

It's been hard to find some voicelines from Zen and i started looking for a video that compiles every line and fortunately there was one and with OW1 voicelines as well! (pls take the time to comment your fav voiceline in the link, this video was a bit hard to find with only 145 views) so i took the time to timestamp each one, there are a lot that repeat and english isn't my first language there will be a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, feel free to correct me. Well without any further ado here it is:
https://youtu.be/aFU6OveTNQQ
0:05 uh? (idk how to describe it... WHEN DOES HE SAY THIS??¿¿)
0:07 Noise
0:08 Noise
0:10 "Now we have both learned something"
0:13 "I'm grateful for what we have taught each other"
0:17 "I do not punish when one seeks forgiveness"
0:20 "I envy ants for their clarity of purpose"
0:25 "Perhaps i can share your burden?"
0:28 "There is a new sadness in you brother"
0:32 "Yes we wondered how many other omnics were doing the same"
0:38 "Change often comes uninvited what you make of it is up to you"
0:44 "Every challenge is an opportunity to rise"
0:49 "I am happy to serve"
0:51 "Mmm.. interesting"
0:54 "A chance for us all to learn"
0:57 "Experience festivity"
1:00 "Right down the middle and the pitch"
1:04 "Here's a little jin(?) music"
1:06 "That's the ball game"
1:08 "There's no crying in baseball"
1:12 "You're out"
1:14 "He goes down swinging"
1:16 "It goes down swinging"
1:18 "She goes down swinging"
1:21 "Zenyatta on the mound"
1:24 "The iris consumes you"
1:27 "Listen to the whispers of madness"
1:31 "Darkness envelops all"
1:34 "Be consumed by the shadows"
1:38 "Curses and madness be upon you all"
1:41 "Be one with the darkness"
1:45 "Walk in shadow"
1:48 "We walk in shadows my aprenctice"
1:52 "Embrace oblivion"
1:55 "Frightening"
1:57 "Expierience nothingness"
2:01 "Trick or treat"
2:04 "Pass into the unkown"
2:07 "Zenyatta is here"
2:10 "Zenyatta is everywhere"
2:14 "We must guard the objective"
2:17 "They've taken possesion of him"
2:20 "He would(?) be lost without our guidence"
2:23 "The enemy has stolen away our friend"
2:27 "Our teamate has fallen"
2:29 "We've suffered a casualty"
2:31 "We have lost a teammate"
2:34 "The door will not hold much longer"
2:37 "The door will soon be reduced to kinglin(?)"
2:40 "I am restored"
2:42 "You have my thanks"
2:44 "One day i will repay your kindness"
2:48 Effort noise (kick probably?)
2:49 Effort noise
2:50 Effort noise
2:52 Effort noise
2:53 "It was nothing"
2:55 "You are welcome"
2:57 "A turret lies before us it is quite real"
3:02 "A turret is in our way"
3:04 "We must proceed as one"
3:06 "Apart we can not continue"
3:09 "We must come together then we may proceed"
3:13 "The payload is on it's way"
3:16 "The payload advances as it should"
3:20 "I am accompaning the payload"
3:23 "We must hold the payload"
3:25 "I'm under attack assistance would be appreciated"
3:29 "I require aid"
3:31 "On my way"
3:33 "No."
3:34 "We must rest victory from the jaws of time"
3:38 "Time is an illusion but he illusion it's about to run out"
3:44 "No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place"
3:48 "We are in harmony"
3:51 "Doubt shrouds you"
3:53 "What torments you"
3:55 "It is nothing personal, Genji"
3:58 "Why the look of gloom"
4:00 "Your distress betrays you, Satya"
4:03 "A shadow hangs over you"
4:06 "Your anguish comsumes you"
4:09 "You must accept the pain"
4:12 "This does not bode well for you"
4:16 "Chaos hunts your path"
4:18 "The path ahead is thorny"
4:21 "How ominous"
4:23 "Attachment the source of all suffering"
4:27 Effort noise
4:30 "Revive me so that i may re-join the fight"
4:34 "I am in need of reviving"
4:37 "I am seriously damaged"
4:39 "Life is more than a series of ones and zeros"
4:44 "We most protect our flag"
4:47 "Defend our flag"
4:49 "A detonator)? approaches we must not let it come near"
4:53 "The end approaches quickly to the robot"
4:57 "Our time draws near, grasp the opportunity"
5:02 "We most claim both the robot and our destiny"
5:06 "Our collective effort is leading us to victory"
5:11 "Let us be grateful for our advantages"
5:14 "Fortune smiles on us"
5:17 "A blessing to be among such capable hands"
5:21 "We should make our preparations here"
5:24 freezing noise
5:26 freezing noise 2
5:29 discomfort noise?
5:32 discomfort freezing noise?
5:35 freezing noise 3
5:39 "We must clear this area"
5:41 "Form is temporary the spirit is eternal"
5:46 "My apologies"
5:48 "I was mistaken"
5:50 "To err is human... or omnic"
5:53 "I require armor"
5:55 "I need armor"
5:57 "We must deal with this assassin, she continues to be a problem for us"
6:03 sigh noise
6:05 sigh noise 2
6:08 long sigh
6:10 deep breath
6:13 deep breath 2
6:15 "We must take the objective"
6:18 "Let us capture the objective"
6:21 "The enemies teleporter is here, destroy it"
6:26 "My ultimate ability is ready"
6:28 "Ready for transcendence"
6:31 "The enforcer still poses a threat"
6:34 "The flags destiny lies with another"
6:37 "Dropping the flag"
6:39 discomfort noise
6:42 discomfort noise 2
6:45 dicomfort noise 3
6:47 discomfort noise 4
6:50 discomfort noise 5
6:52 "Zenyatta is here"
6:54 "Advance the robot"
6:56 "Move the robot"
6:58 Discomort noise 6
7:01 Discomfort noise 7
7:03 more discomfort
7:04 "The flag returns"
7:06 "I have set the flag on its way"
7:09 "The assassin is over there"
7:12 "There she is"
7:14 "but intimidating nonetheless" (idk if this goes with the last one)
7:16 "Get back! she's on me"
7:19 "In 3... 2... 1..."
7:23 "3... 2... 1..."
7:26 "Get ready"
7:28 death noise
7:30 death noise 2
7:32 death noise 3
7:34 death?
7:37 more death?
7:39 "Let us push together"
7:41 "And now we begin"
7:44 "Destiny backens us towards our destination"
7:49 "My ultimate is charging"
7:52 more sigh noise
7:54 deep breath asmr
7:57 relieve breath noise
8:00 death fall noise
8:05 death fall noise 2
8:11 more death fall noise
8:18 "Hello world"
8:20 "The assassin is no more"
8:22 "Worry not she's been dealt with"
8:25 "Defend as one"
8:28 "Defend with me"
8:30 "Alone i am a tempting target for the enemy"
8:34 "Our numbers will soon be replendished"
8:38 "My allies will soon return"
8:41 "Farewell"
8:42 "Go in peace"
8:44 "I have found the enemy shield generator"
8:48 "My ultimate is almost ready"
8:50 "Understood"
8:52 "Acknowledge"
8:54 "Of course"
8:55 "Indeed"
8:57 "I understand"
8:58 "Understood"
9:00 "The door shutters)?"
9:02 "The door is heavly damaged"
9:04 "This life is not finished with you yet"
9:07 "We are still in need of you"
9:10 "Invisibility is not invincibility"
9:14 "You manifested your own fate"
9:17 "One often meets their destiny on the road the take to avoid it"
9:22 "Those who rush headlong into battle would do well to protect their heads"
9:28 "A great distance for one is but a step for another"
9:33 "Think first then leap"
9:36 "An easy target is not is not always what is appears to be"
9:40 "Foresight is as viable as speed"
9:44 "Ask for death and you will receive it"
9:48 "Remember Genji at your most powerful you are most vulnerable"
9:54 "Capture the flag"
9:56 "Let us take the enemy's flag"
9:59 "Be reborn"
10:01 "Oblivion embraces you"
10:04 "Fade into shadow"
10:07 "May the Iris embrace you"
10:10 "Be at peace"
10:12 "The wheel turns"
10:14 "The darkness consumes"
10:17 "Let us clear them off the objective"
10:20 "Our enemies are ceasing)? the objective"
10:23 "They are taking hold of the objective, we must stop them"
10:29 "Fortune favors me"
10:31 Laugh (AAAAAAAAAA)
10:34 "The iris embraces you"
10:38 "It is my pleasure to serve"
10:41 "There is no weakness in asking for help"
10:44 "Does who seek help will find it"
10:47 "Consider the alternative"
10:50 "The world is a dangerous place"
10:53 "The help is it's own reward"
10:56 "How amusing"
10:58 "The end is near we must not hold back"
11:02 "Time runs short, attack!"
11:06 "We must wrest the victory from the jaws of time"
11:10 "Time is an illusion but he illusion it's about to run out" (Again?)
11:15 "Press forward for time is not at our side"
11:19 "Time is off the escence let us attack"
11:23 "An erradicator be on your guard"
11:26 "She still poses a threat"
11:29 "The sniper still troubles us"
11:31 "Can i interest you in a snowball fight?"
11:34 "Do i think? Does a submarine swim?"
11:39 "The turret no longer exists"
11:42 "The turret is no more"
11:45 "The objective cannot take much more of this"
11:48 "Our objective will soon be destroyed"
11:51 "Mercy swiftly delivered"
11:54 "The more one takes the less one has"
11:58 "Accomplishment always follows effort"
12:02 "Tragedy unites many"
12:04 "My generosity extends to many"
12:08 "Perhaps we only exist in the memory of a person now gone"
12:13 burning? (noise)
12:17 burning
12:19 burning 2
12:21 more burning
12:24 burns
12:26 "Patience"
12:28 "The damage doesn't look as bad from up here"
12:31 probably getting charged by Reinhardt?
12:34 same?
12:37 AAAaaAAA
12:40 critical health
12:42 "The objective is no more"
12:45 "The objective has been eliminated"
12:48 "I require shields"
12:50 "I need sheilds"
12:52 "The assassin is gone for the moment"
12:55 "She's disappeard"
12:57 "Victory is our destiny but we must all play our parts"
13:03 "Stay steadfast and we shall win"
13:07 "Victory is within our grasp hold strong"
13:12 "We must see this through to the end"
13:16 "Let us hold out until the end"
13:19 "Time is on our side we must simply endure"
13:24 "I'm feeling unwell"
13:27 "My systems are compromised"
13:29 "Disabling security protocols"
13:32 "Your recognition honors me"
13:35 "The cards have selected me"
13:38 "Our enemies return with vengeance"
13:41 "Beware they have returned"
13:44 "The enemy is utilising a shield generator"
13:48 "Enemy shield generator destroyed"
13:51 "Hold the robot we must end their push"
13:55 "Recover our flag"
13:58 "We must retake possession of our flag"
14:01 "Peace be upon you"
14:03 "I greet you"
14:05 "Hello"
14:06 "Greetings"
14:08 "We must reclaim our flag"
14:10 "The enemy has taken posetion of our flag"
14:14 "Come to me for healing"
14:16 "Come here for healing"
14:18 "The path to healing leads here"
14:21 "A shoked tire bears down upon us)?" (i didn't understand a thing)
14:24 "Shock tire over the breach)?" (same)
14:27 "The enemy posseses a teleporter"
14:30 "Energy transfers between us"
14:33 "I believe i won this round"
14:36 "A telling blow"
14:38 "A touch of wisdom"
14:41 "What profound impact"
14:43 "Scadoosh" (HAHAHA WHEN?? from a skin??)
14:45 effort noise
14:46 effort noise 2
14:47 effort noise 3
14:49 effort noise 4
14:50 effort noise 5
14:51 effort noise 6
14:52 "Over here"
14:54 coughing
14:59 coughing 2
15:08 "I have spotted an enemy bastion"
15:10 "Remember past succeses but always strive for more"
15:16 "This way"
15:18 "Here my friends"
15:20 laugh (I love him)
15:23 "I AM VITALIZED"
15:27 "MY SENSES ARE HEIGHTENED"
15:30 "STRENGTH FLOWS THROUGH ME"
15:33 "I AM EMPOWERED"
15:35 "I think therefore i am"
15:40 "When did you received this curse countess"
15:44 "Some believe that the full moon is a good omen"
15:48 "Did i say i trusted her"
15:51 "I do not sense the spark of life within you"
15:54 "Walk along the path to enlightenment"
15:58 "Ready i am ready" (Oh god...)
16:01 "I dreamt i was a butterfly"
16:04 "Frightening"
16:06 "There are null)? troopers ahead"
16:08 "No troopers spotted"
16:10 "The enforcer is no more"
16:13 "The flag moves with me"
16:15 "I have become one with the flag"
16:19 "Go to the objective"
16:21 "Let us head to the waypoint"
16:23 "Let us re group at the objective"
16:26 "The objective is near"
16:29 "Take care that you do not spend yourself before the battle is done"
16:34 "Our purpose is to show everyone that in the iris we are all one people"
16:41 "Rarely has my path crossed a warrior as cheerful as you"
16:45 "No one of note just one of thousands of like me)?" (what?)
16:50 "Do you think me so helpless"
16:52 "But one moment of clarity changed everything"
16:56 "There are times even i can not stand by"
17:00 "It is not magic but the power of the spirit that i channel"
17:05 "My believes are simply in the fundamental ways of life and nature nothing more"
17:12 "Simply a traveler of search of purpose and meaning"
17:16 "I'm following in my masters footsteps searching for enlightenment tho my path has not always been a stright one"
17:25 "Our objective has been damaged"
17:27 "Our enemies are breaking through"
17:30 "Fate is not without a sense of irony"
17:34 "Look in the mirror"
17:36 "We move with the objective"
17:39 "Let us see the objective to it's destination"
17:43 "The enemy out numbers us"
17:45 "We are outnumbered be cautious"
17:49 "I sense the reaper"
17:51 "I sense the presence of the witch"
17:54 "The summoner is here"
17:57 "Doctor Junkenstein so good of you to join us"
18:02 "The ground shakes"
18:04 "Junkenstein's monster is here"
18:07 "We should guide our flag back to safety"
18:10 "The enemy has relinquished our flag"
18:13 "We must move them from the door"
18:16 "They have reached the door"
18:19 "The summoner is no more"
18:21 "The witch is gone but she will reaturn"
18:26 "Doctor Junkenstein has laughed his last"
18:30 "Junkenstein's monster has fallen"
18:33 "The reaper is gone for the moment"
18:37 "I am made whole"
18:39 "My systems are restored"
18:42 "My systems are repeared"
18:45 "I am healed"
18:47 "Your dance grows more elegant Satya"
18:51 "You are adept at endings")? (idk)
18:54 "Well done my apprentice"
18:57 "Eventually all fade into oblivion"
19:00 "Well done Genji"
19:03 "You have ushered them to paradise"
19:06 "There is beauty in your actions"
19:09 "I did not teach you that one"
19:12 "Fall back"
19:13 "Likewise Satya i hope to repay you for your generosity at our temple"
19:19 "I served coffee"
19:21 "Then paint it with emptiness"
19:24 "How... fortunate for you"
19:27 "Why do you believe so?"
19:29 "I collected payments at a laser tag arena"
19:33 "Perhaps they believe we will not defend this place but if all the rest of the wolrd were to fall this would be the stand i chose to make"
19:44 "I like being near the ocean it reminds me of where i was born"
19:49 "I sense that your hardest battle is yet to come"
19:54 "What seems like magic is sometimes science we dont yet understand"
20:00 "Victory goes to those who maintain their focus"
20:04 "I was a life guard at a waterpark"
20:08 "It would be a pleasure"
20:10 "I drove a tractor"
20:12 "You have an intense gaze doctor"
20:15 "You spend your second chance at life walking a lonely road"
20:21 "I believe that Torbjörn's behavior has rubbed of on you"
20:25 "I owe my gifts to the iris"
20:29 "What makes you think i am a pacifist"
20:32 "Someone always cares you must simply seek them out"
20:36 "I dream of peace and sometimes falling"
20:41 "And yet you sound just like he did"
20:44 "A mirror reflects only what can be seen"
20:48 "Perhaps it is assumptions that are foolish"
20:52 "Try listening to silence"
20:55 "Our mission awaits us"
20:58 "Indeed"
20:59 "I massaged sheep on a free-range pasture"
21:03 "Shed the weight of your doubts, and your mind will become clear"
21:08 "Seeking progress by sowing chaos is like planting a tree in a volcano"
21:14 "Change often comes univited what you make of it is up to you"
21:21 "Quite a puzzle isn't it?"
21:24 "I embrace the unkown"
21:27 "And what of the enemy within"
21:30 "I focus on my breathing"
21:32 "Strangeness is in the eye of the beholder"
21:37 "My memories from before the awakening are blurry like a fading dream but i do remember somethings"
21:46 "In the coming battle you mean?"
21:48 "To find succes we must search in harmony"
21:53 "As long as there is free will i fear there will be evil"
21:57 "If a city never sleeps how can it dream?"
22:02 "Those who only seek to enrich themselves lives the most impoverished lives of all"
22:08 "True it also makes us great teachers for we can easily hide our disappointment"
22:15 "Indeed, why are we here?"
22:18 "Ask not who their maker is but what they mean"
22:24 "Is victory so important?"
22:27 "Fruition comes from within as does failure"
22:32 "I have always wondered what it is like being inside an orb"
22:37 "Over there"
22:38 "I need help"
22:40 "I require assistance"
22:43 "I pray that we can reverse this outcome"
22:46 "We are not deafeated yet"
22:49 "We must persist from the difficult times"
22:53 "This obstacle can still be overcome"
22:57 "Trick or treat"
22:59 "A temporary set back"
23:02 "We can overcome any obstacle"
23:05 "We must act and soon"
23:08 "Let us remember our purpose"
23:10 "Progress awaits us"
23:13 ""Perhaps we are forgetting something"
23:15 "We must eliminate this target"
23:19 "Caution"
23:20 "Be alert"
23:22 "Watch here"
23:24 "An enemy here"
23:25 "Here is an enemy"
23:27 "heal this one)???"
23:29 "We must guard the objective"
23:32 "Defend the objective"
23:34 "Even the teacher can learn from his student"
23:38 "It takes a hundred times to learn, a thousand times to understand" (My fav)
23:44 "One who fears loss has already lost"
23:49 "The cycle begins anew"
23:52 "True strength does not always lie in victory"
23:56 "Pain is an excellent teacher"
24:00 "Overconfidence is a flimsy shield"
24:04 "A reminder that life is never easy"
24:08 "Defeat cannot break one who perseveres"
24:12 "The cycle is broken"
24:14 "Adversity is an opportunity for change"
24:18 "A challenge presents itself"
24:21 "A temporary set back" (again..)
24:24 "Failure is acceptable giving up is not"
24:28 "The outcome is not preordained"
24:32 "Repetition is the path to mastery"
24:36 "Our fates are written in the stars"
24:40 "The enemy is here"
24:42 "The enemy desires a battle"
24:45 "Let the blessings of the season be upon you"
24:49 "I return"
24:51 "Press the attack"
24:53 "Let us all become one with the objective"
24:56 "Proceed to the objective"
24:59 "An enforcer is before us"
25:01 "Pass into the iris"
25:04 "Reflect upon your actions"
25:07 "Your set back is only temporary"
25:10 "Rest your soul"
25:13 "A cruel fate"
25:15 "Pride can not protect you"
25:17 "Your focus lacks focus"
25:20 "One day you will see that coming"
25:23 "Science cannot answer all questions"
25:27 "And now, you have found peace"
25:30 "You must learn from your mistakes"
25:34 "No fist has ever won against an open hand"
25:38 "Your answer lies in stillness"
25:41 "Good judgment comes from bad experiences"
25:45 "Regret is all-consuming"
25:49 "A resolution swiftly delivered"
25:52 "All ice melts"
25:54 "A beautiful swansong"
25:57 "I didn't go easy on you this time"
26:00 "And so the mask falls"
26:03 "We all represent unfulfilled potential"
26:07 "Greed has spent you"
26:10 "Silence answers all questions"
26:13 "A closed mind is already defeated"
26:18 "Let the sun set on your pride"
26:21 "Defeat is the better teacher"
26:24 "What goes around, comes around"
26:28 "Not everything should be taken seriously"
26:32 "When you soar you risk the fall"
26:36 "Move too quickly, and you overlook too much"
26:39 "What legacy is worth your life?"
26:43 "In chaos, more chaos"
26:46 "Do not hesitate"
26:48 "The lead awaits us"
26:50 "Soon the lead will be ours"
26:54 "We are being drawn to the lead"
26:57 "Tho i stand alone my teammates still fight at my side"
27:02 "The task falls to me"
27:05 "We are making progress upon the objective"
27:08 "The objective has taken damage"
27:10 "All proceeds according to plan"
27:13 "The rhythm is in you if you search within, get down into the iris, float to the beat"
27:22 "Ummmmm"
27:25 "Embrace the rhythm, embrace the beat, embrace the melody, move your feet"
27:32 "I humbly accept"
27:35 "I will become one with this reward"
27:38 "The universe shares it's bounty"
27:42 "I foresee great riches in my future"
27:45 "The experience is its own reward but surprises are nice" (oh)
27:51 "Join me"
27:53 "Group up"
27:54 "Group up here"
27:56 "We must join as one"
27:59 "Group up with me"
28:01 "Join together"
28:03 "I will not juggle"
28:05 "Yes"
28:07 "The door has open to our enemy"
28:10 "The enemy comes thru the doorway"
28:13 "We must destroy the objective"
28:16 "Focus our attacks upon the objective"
28:19 "That was your lesson for today"
28:22 "Our moments)?? run out do not leave him"
28:26 "Now we must focus, stay with our robot friend"
28:30 "I can sense your presence"
28:33 "Enemy detected"
28:35 "There is someone there"
28:37 "Let go of that that which weighs upon your mind"
28:42 "Behind you"
28:43 "Slicers approaching)???"
28:45 heavy sigh
28:48 sigh
28:50 sigh 2
28:53 effort noise
28:54 kick probably?
28:55 effort noise 2
28:56 "Join me at the objective"
28:59 "Come to the objective"
29:01 "To me my friends"
29:03 "What joy to share the path with another"
29:07 "A promising disciple"
29:10 "You've learned well Genji"
29:12 "Our minds aligned"
29:15 "It takes two hands to clap" (brutal)
29:18 "A meaningful union"
29:20 "One intention many hands"
29:24 "We must focus our attack upon the objective"
29:28 "I see the sniper"
29:30 "There she is"
29:32 "I will watch this place"
29:34 "Keeping watch here"
29:36 "Allow me to watch here"
29:39 "Meditation is all i require to sustain myself"
29:43 "It most be my many years of training, careful diet and simple way of life" (He's such a troll lol)
29:50 "You wound me"
29:52 "A pause in the battle and opportunity to re-center our minds"
29:57 "When i gazed into the iris i found great nothingness, it changed me"
30:04 "You've must have experienced the same"
30:07 "You blame yourself for the dragon's reign of terror but it is not your fault"
30:13 "Push forward"
30:15 sigh?
30:16 more sigh
30:18 relieve sigh
30:19 sigh 1000
30:21 "They have all perished"
30:23 "We are alone for now"
30:27 "Aaaaww serenity at last"
30:31 "Free your mind"
30:33 "The enemy steers we must hold them)?" (idk)
30:37 "Do not allow the enemy to proceed"
30:40 "The enemy begins to move along their path"
30:44 "Breach the door and our path will be revealed"
30:49 "We must break through"
30:51 "Remove the obstruction before us"
30:54 long sigh
30:58 deep breath
31:01 long sigh 2
31:04 DEATH
31:05 death 2
31:07 "Focus on the target"
31:10 "We must eliminate this target"
31:13 "Through here"
31:14 "Our path lies this way"
31:17 "I have dropped the item"
31:20 "Unfortunately i dropped it"
31:23 "I sense an enemy to the right"
31:26 "A shocked tire approaches to our right"
31:29 "Joy to the world"
31:32 "We must locate their teleporter"
31:34 "A shocked tire approaches on the left"
31:37 "Our enemy approaches on the left"
31:40 "I welcome adversity"
31:43 "A momentary set back"
31:45 "My thanks"
31:47 "Thank you"
31:48 "I am grateful"
31:50 "You have my thanks"
31:52 "Wonderful"
31:54 "Excellence is its own reward"
31:58 "Get out of there"
31:59 "I'm going in"
32:01 "We have injured the heaviest sold)? unit" (idk the word)
32:04 "A chance presents itself to strike him down"
32:08 "Talent trooper engaging"
32:10 "I see a sniper"
32:12 "Sniper!"
32:13 A lot of effort noises
32:22 "Always strive for improvement"
32:25 "Together we have taken the lead"
32:29 "AaaA progression"
32:31 "We advance as one"
32:34 "Your flaws are revealed... in the Iris"
32:39 "Know when to hold on, and when to let go"
32:43 "How far the mighty fall"
32:46 "A stumble is still a step towards a direction"
32:50 "A fall is merely a chance to rise again... later"
32:56 "Observe your environment; carefully"
32:59 "You may be missed... but not by me" (Brutal 2)
33:03 "What is descent, but a lesson in humility?"
33:07 "They have fallen... how unfortunate"
33:11 "Attack"
33:12 "Let us strike in harmony"
33:15 "Attack with me"
33:17 "UUUUUUUUUMMMMMMM"
33:23 VERY DEEP BREATH
33:30 "Amid discord, we will find tranquility"
33:35 "He must be dealt with"
33:37 "We must find a way to deal with the heaviest assault)? unit"
33:41 "The summoners threat must be ended"
33:45 "Doctor Junkenstein must be dealt with"
33:48 "The reaper still haunts us"
33:51 "We must vanish the witch"
33:54 "Junkenstein's monster must be destroyed"
33:58 "Existence is mysterious"
34:01 "I have learned from my experiences"
34:05 "My mind is open"
34:07 "My spirit is strong now to strike"
34:12 "Energy flow through me"
34:15 "Every rooster crows in its own pen"
34:19 a lot of effort noises
34:23 "The payload it is at a stand still"
34:26 "Let us push the payload forward"
34:29 "We must unblock the payload"
34:32 "Incoming"
34:34 "The payload must me stopped"
34:36 "We must hinder the payload's journey"
34:40 "Let us hold that payload"
34:42 "I require healing"
34:44 "I need healing"
34:46 "How... disappointing"
34:49 "She's turned her attention to you"
34:52 "The assassin is targeting you"
34:54 "Take cover"
34:56 "Victory or defeat our destiny is not preordained"
35:02 "Be present in the moment"
35:04 "It is good to return but am i still welcome here?"
35:09 "Your will is strong my friend"
35:11 "But in time i know you will realize we are not so different"
35:17 "And i will watch your back in turn"
35:20 "Consider only victory make defeat an impossibility in your mind"
35:26 "Tell me your thoughts my friend"
35:29 "I can feel the embrace of the iris so strongly in here"
35:34 "I would be happy to teach you"
35:36 "It is rare that i meet one with such an unformed mind"
35:40 "It is good to fight alongside one of my brightest pupils"
35:46 "It does, my brother Mondatta, gave much to improve their lifes but it was not to be"
35:53 "A disciplined mind is your most dependable ally."
35:58 "A chance to focus"
36:00 "A warrior's greatest weapon... is patience"
36:05 "So this is where you grew up? You must show me around"
36:10 "If only human and omnic could learn to live in peace here..."
36:15 "I sense within you the same rage that once consumed your brother"
36:20 "What a fascinating place! Can science alone unlock the path to enlightenment?"
36:28 "Do you have any dreams, my friend?"
36:31 "And i do not understand much of how you heal doctor Zeigler"
36:35 "I suppose we must all take some things on faith"
36:42 "Existence is mysterious isn't it"
36:43 "An omnic on the moon is not so special. There are more robots than humans in space"
36:50 "To us all i miss him greatly"
36:53 "I believe that we must all do our part to find solutions to the troubles that are before us"
37:00 "It is sad to see a place that might have known peace... reduced to this"
37:06 "A noble but tragic sacrifice, i hope that you will honor it"
37:12 "I have not returned here for many years. I wonder if my brothers and sisters will be pleased to see me"
37:20 "Turring green)?? my brother's dream but not to be" (what)
37:26 "Time is a river it may be stopped for a while but it will always flow the same direction"
37:34 "I feel most unwelcome here"
37:38 "Genji how was your reunion with your brother?"
37:42 "Symmetra you speak of law and of order but you must know that life is chaotic by it's very nature"
37:51 "I believe that you could find peace, if you were to search within yourself"
37:57 "Indeed my friend, indeed"
38:01 "I hear that you've taken an omnic Torbjörn"
38:04 "The payload rests idle"
38:07 "The payload must be moved"
38:10 "We must move the payload"
38:13 Getting hurt i think
38:17 "This will be of use"
38:19 "I have what we seek"
38:21 "Here we are"
38:22 "I sense the presence of an assassin"
38:25 "An assassin comes for us"
38:28 "Experience tranquility"
38:31 "Our teammate is in need of reviving"
38:34 "Our teammate needs to be revived"
38:38 Pain
38:49 "Let us pave our path together"
38:52 "Shall we journey together"
38:55 "We must work and breath as one"
38:58 "We are all pilgrims on this mission"
39:02 "I am with you"
39:03 "We are as one"
39:06 "The path of fate threatens to diverge in the enemy's favor"
39:10 "The enemy draws near stop them"
39:14 "We must prevent the enemy from taking the lead"
39:18 "The objective nears destruction"
39:21 "We've almost achieved our objective"
39:24 "The enemy has pushed past us"
39:26 "We have lost the lead"
39:29 "The enemy's understandings surpasses ours"
39:33 "The enemy's teleporter is no more"
39:36 "I feel the darkness flowing through me"
39:40 "My soul ignited!"
39:43 "I am efervescent"
39:45 "My spirit burns!"
39:48 "An R-14 engage with caution"
39:52 "Remember me, for I will remember you"
39:56 "My heavy burden to bear"
39:59 "Virtuosity is an admirable virtue"
40:03 "A herald of victory"
40:05 "Mastery cannot be concealed"
40:08 "Our enemy gathers here" (>-<)
40:11 "I shall handle this"
40:13 "It is done"
40:15 "Allow me"
40:17 "We must see this through to the end"
40:20 "Victory is our destiny but we must all play our parts" (again)
40:26 "Victory is within our grasp hold strong" (again)
40:31 "I am in an agreement"
40:33 "We need a healer"
40:35 "The enemys flag is ours"
40:38 "I have captured the flag"
40:40 "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you're headed"
40:45 "Let us escort you along your path"
40:48 "We will unify our push with yours"
40:52 "Hello brother"
40:54 "Come with us"
40:56 "Go"
40:57 "I am attaining the objective"
40:59 "I am on the objective my friends"
41:03 "Join me on the objective"
41:06 "Death is whimsical today"
41:09 "Walk in shadow"
41:12 "Listen to my prayer"
41:15 "Harmony is within your grasp"
41:18 "Be whole once more"
41:21 "I release your suffering"
41:24 "A balm for your wounds"
41:26 "We walk in the shadows, my apprentice"
41:30 "Gaze into the unblinking eye"
41:34 "Embrace oblivion"
41:36 "Be one with the darkness"
41:40 "Be reassured you are not alone"
41:44 "Find solace"
41:46 "Overcome your pain"
41:49 "Your spirits lifted"
41:52 "Let me assist you"
41:55 "Allow me"
41:57 "Harmony follows you"
41:59 "Be soothed"
42:02 "I am with you my friend"
42:04 "Let me relieve your burdens"
42:07 slight effort noises
42:12 pain? effort? idk just noises
42:21 "I'm over here"
42:23 "I am here"
42:25 "My ultimate is ready proceed without fear"
42:29 "You are not ready to learn"
42:32 "Peace and blessings be upon you all"
42:36 death 200
42:43 "The attack comes form the above"
42:45 "The attack comes from the right"
42:48 "Our enemies are behind us"
42:50 "They attack form below"
42:53 "Our enemies attack from the rear)??"
42:55 "The enemy lies before us"
42:58 "Our enemies attack directly"
43:00 "The enemy is on the left"
43:03 "The enemy is below us"
43:06 "The enemy is above us"
43:08 "The enemy is on the right"
43:10 "The attack comes form the left"
43:13 "One moon shows in every pool. In every pool; one moon"

I apologize as it's a bit of a novel and doesn't quite make grammatical sense in some spots. I can read goodly now and again lol. The reason it says M4R is because I mainly like women and trans women but I also like a very very very specific type of guy and certain trans men as I'm partially bi. Chances are you aren't that type but feel free to ask if you are. (Didn’t want to offend anyone so I’d rather say in private) Just throwing that out there as it's a deal breaker for most women. Which why would it be? The number one reason I get is I'm going to cheat on them with a guy. As if being bi has any bearing on cheating and not the persons character.
I'm a 35 year old guy living in the middle-ish of Texas looking for a female partner. Partner as in LTR. That's Long Term Relationship meaning boyfriend and girlfriend and holding hands type of stuff. You know, adult things? I had someone comment I was too vague so this is me being specific. I'm gonna be honest and kinda sad so bare with me.
So I spent New Years alone (I realize June is like tomorrow lol but I have yet to meet someone and I think the story is still somewhat relevant). Rang in the New Year in bed staring at the ceiling listening to fireworks go off into the night. The next day I cried randomly while browsing for a movie to watch on TV. At first I didn't know why as I'm not much of a crier but I realized for the first time that I genuinely felt alone. I have no partner, no family that I speak to, no friends just acquaintances, really no one there for me. That's my own doing which took years to accomplish through me being closed off and just shutting people out, so I figure it might take just as long to fix. I'm not complaining as I got myself into this predicament. It's gonna sound dumb but I wanted a New Years kiss. I'd never had one and it seemed like a fun dumb silly thing to do. Eh maybe one day. Ok well back to my spiel. (I'm not depressed or anything or wanting attention) Some of my hobbies and interests are movies, reading, cooking, kayaking, records, video games, board games, snorkeling, bowling, swimming, escape rooms, puzzles and antiquing. I would describe myself as more goofy and dorky than nerdy. I like to go out and do fun things but also stay in and cuddle and relax. I guess it depends on my mood and the weather. I prefer the cold and would love to live in a state with actual seasons and snow. I'm 5'10, stocky AKA fat and open for adventure and new experiences.
Here are some random facts about me:
Some of my favorite bands are: The Black Keys, Kings of Leon, The Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival and The White Stripes.
Christmas is my favorite holiday, mainly because of the cold and festive activities.
I come from a medium-ish family.
I'm exceptionally patient but every person has a breaking point lol
I like traveling a lot. It's a basic thing that lots of people like. But I've found lots of people hate to leave their house, town or state so if that's you we probably might not be a good match. I also enjoy the mountains. But I don't like roughing it (give me that sweet AC in the summer). Hiking is so hard on my knees and I haven't done it in a while that if I were to I think about doing it I'd about die or twist a kankle.
I don't eat seafood, mushrooms, artichokes or pineapple on pizza (Who cares about this? Doesn't mean I won't go to a restaurant with you that has these things)
Never went to college as I'm horrible in a classroom setting and at taking tests.
Have probably the most boring job imaginable (Ask me about it)
Overweight but trying to work on it and make better choices (Get healthier and lose weight together maybe?)
Non religious but no issue with what you believe. (If anything)
Looking into sterilization. If you are already maybe you can give me some info or tips?
My own red flags 🚩
I work too much and oftentimes can't talk.
I send selfies often. I'm a visual person and like receiving photos. Apparently it's a generational thing. Hopefully you think pictures are neat as well? Is it really that weird to want to see you and your life and show you mine?
I sometimes speedily become attached to people, not in a weird way, but if I like you and we have some kind of connection, I will enjoy talking to you and want to do it often.
I'm a very organized person and will plan out pretty much anything from a vacation to a road trip to a birthday. This makes being with a go with the flow type of person hard at times I've learned but still very much doable.
Due to childhood trauma I'm secretive which can be annoying.
MY own "HELL YES" 🏁
I know how to cook.
I will always drive if you want. (Within reason)
Great at escape rooms and jigsaw puzzles.
Can read a map.
Decent at reading backwards upside down writing.
What I'm looking for:
Is my age or older. But I'm willing to go quite a bit lower if you are neat and we have stuff in common. But super young isn't my goal here.
Mature, considerate, responsible and funny (Dorky wouldn't hurt)
Someone who never cheats, honesty and trust are important to me.
Someone who is open-minded, willing to try new things, be adventurous, funny and nerdy.
Someone who believes in sharing household chores equally because we are both adults.
Be open and frank about issues you or I are having. Not pushy or jealous. Won't yell or argue about stupid things, I've had enough of that.
Willing to push me to become a better version of myself (Can you turn me into Batman?)
If this sounds like you then feel free to reach out and say hi or challenge me to a game of Scrabble/Pictionary/hand to hand combat maybe? Maybe Wordle or some online vidya game?
P.S. I realize my post isn't for everyone but if your seeing red flags from my post then I'd say trust your gut and please don't message me as we probably aren't compatible. I honestly don't mean that in a mean or hurtful way. I've just been messaged quite often with women saying they pushed aside red flags to get to know me. Please don't, it never ends well and you end up wasting both of our time. Wouldn't you rather spend it finding your person with no flags?

Hello all,
After watching Prey through, I noticed there's a lot of unique weapons that aren't included in the game that were in the movie. After some brainstorming, I came up with some random concepts for how they might work in-game.
Cut Clamp Wielded by the feral Predator in the early 1700s, the cut clamp is a powerful tool that can deal high damage at long ranges while dealing decent damage in close range. Can be thrown and retrieved or used as a melee weapon. ~~~ (Based on that funky chainsaw thing the feral predator used, my idea was it works as essentially a less involved smart disc. You can use it as a melee weapon for more damage than a smart disc can do in melee, but you can also throw it to deal damage over a ranged distance. However, you can't guide it like a smart disc, and it does less damage ranged than a smart disc does.)
Hatchet Based on a weapon used in combat by a feared Comanche warrior, the Yautja were able to design a weapon that works similarly to the one seen in the Great Plains. It can be used as a melee weapon for low damage and has a final AOE attack that cannot be parried. It can also be used as a retrievable ranged weapon over short distances. ~~~ (Obviously based on the hatchet Naru used in Prey, this weapon would work kinda like the war club. It can be used for relatively severe damage over short distance, and if double or triple clicked, the user can swing it around himself a few times to damage anything next to him/her. While holding right click, it is also possible to throw it at a target up to maybe 10-15 feet ahead.)
Speargun Can be used for devastating attacks against prey, either as a single projectile or by firing three at a time. Uses the targeting laser. ~~~ (An alternative to the bow, the Speargun can fire reusable metal projectiles in quick succession for moderate damage, or can be charged to fire three projectiles at once. It is generally quicker than the bow, but relies on the targeting laser to be used, and as such can give away the location of the user and is much less accurate if your biomask has been destroyed. It also only has 9 bolts, so it cannot be used as excessively as the bow.) (An alternative idea I had was that the projectiles could be directed like the smart disc, but move much faster and are harder to control. Not to mention they don't come back to you, even if you are hit while directing it.)
Wrist Shield A weapon frequently used by Yautja hailing from the deserts of Yautja prime, the wrist shield works as both a defense and a decent weapon, good for use against foes with shotguns or miniguns. ~~~ (The wrist shield would work as an offensive and defensive weapon, able to do low-moderate damage at decent melee range. Repeated clicking would allow you to do a lunge attack where the shield snaps together in a scissor motion, dealing increased damage. Holding right click will allow you to block with it, minimizing [but not entirely negating] damage to your person and biomask, but you cannot attack while doing this.)

I apologize as it's a bit of a novel and doesn't quite make grammatical sense in some spots. I can read goodly now and again lol. The reason it says M4R is because I mainly like women and trans women but I also like a very very very specific type of guy and certain trans men as I'm partially bi. Chances are you aren't that type but feel free to ask if you are. (Didn’t want to offend anyone so I’d rather say in private) Just throwing that out there as it's a deal breaker for most women. Which why would it be? The number one reason I get is I'm going to cheat on them with a guy. As if being bi has any bearing on cheating and not the persons character.
I'm a 35 year old guy living in the middle-ish of Texas looking for a female partner. Partner as in LTR. That's Long Term Relationship meaning boyfriend and girlfriend and holding hands type of stuff. You know, adult things? I had someone comment I was too vague so this is me being specific. I'm gonna be honest and kinda sad so bare with me.
So I spent New Years alone (I realize June is like tomorrow lol but I have yet to meet someone and I think the story is still somewhat relevant). Rang in the New Year in bed staring at the ceiling listening to fireworks go off into the night. The next day I cried randomly while browsing for a movie to watch on TV. At first I didn't know why as I'm not much of a crier but I realized for the first time that I genuinely felt alone. I have no partner, no family that I speak to, no friends just acquaintances, really no one there for me. That's my own doing which took years to accomplish through me being closed off and just shutting people out, so I figure it might take just as long to fix. I'm not complaining as I got myself into this predicament. It's gonna sound dumb but I wanted a New Years kiss. I'd never had one and it seemed like a fun dumb silly thing to do. Eh maybe one day. Ok well back to my spiel. (I'm not depressed or anything or wanting attention) Some of my hobbies and interests are movies, reading, cooking, kayaking, records, video games, board games, snorkeling, bowling, swimming, escape rooms, puzzles and antiquing. I would describe myself as more goofy and dorky than nerdy. I like to go out and do fun things but also stay in and cuddle and relax. I guess it depends on my mood and the weather. I prefer the cold and would love to live in a state with actual seasons and snow. I'm 5'10, stocky AKA fat and open for adventure and new experiences.
Here are some random facts about me:
Some of my favorite bands are: The Black Keys, Kings of Leon, The Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival and The White Stripes.
Christmas is my favorite holiday, mainly because of the cold and festive activities.
I come from a medium-ish family.
I'm exceptionally patient but every person has a breaking point lol
I like traveling a lot. It's a basic thing that lots of people like. But I've found lots of people hate to leave their house, town or state so if that's you we probably might not be a good match. I also enjoy the mountains. But I don't like roughing it (give me that sweet AC in the summer). Hiking is so hard on my knees and I haven't done it in a while that if I were to I think about doing it I'd about die or twist a kankle.
I don't eat seafood, mushrooms, artichokes or pineapple on pizza (Who cares about this? Doesn't mean I won't go to a restaurant with you that has these things)
Never went to college as I'm horrible in a classroom setting and at taking tests.
Have probably the most boring job imaginable (Ask me about it)
Overweight but trying to work on it and make better choices (Get healthier and lose weight together maybe?)
Non religious but no issue with what you believe. (If anything)
Looking into sterilization. If you are already maybe you can give me some info or tips?
My own red flags 🚩
I work too much and oftentimes can't talk.
I send selfies often. I'm a visual person and like receiving photos. Apparently it's a generational thing. Hopefully you think pictures are neat as well? Is it really that weird to want to see you and your life and show you mine?
I sometimes speedily become attached to people, not in a weird way, but if I like you and we have some kind of connection, I will enjoy talking to you and want to do it often.
I'm a very organized person and will plan out pretty much anything from a vacation to a road trip to a birthday. This makes being with a go with the flow type of person hard at times I've learned but still very much doable.
Due to childhood trauma I'm secretive which can be annoying.
MY own "HELL YES" 🏁
I know how to cook.
I will always drive if you want. (Within reason)
Great at escape rooms and jigsaw puzzles.
Can read a map.
Decent at reading backwards upside down writing.
What I'm looking for:
Is my age or older. But I'm willing to go quite a bit lower if you are neat and we have stuff in common. But super young isn't my goal here.
Mature, considerate, responsible and funny (Dorky wouldn't hurt)
Someone who never cheats, honesty and trust are important to me.
Someone who is open-minded, willing to try new things, be adventurous, funny and nerdy.
Someone who believes in sharing household chores equally because we are both adults.
Be open and frank about issues you or I are having. Not pushy or jealous. Won't yell or argue about stupid things, I've had enough of that.
Willing to push me to become a better version of myself (Can you turn me into Batman?)
If this sounds like you then feel free to reach out and say hi or challenge me to a game of Scrabble/Pictionary/hand to hand combat maybe? Maybe Wordle or some online vidya game?
P.S. I realize my post isn't for everyone but if your seeing red flags from my post then I'd say trust your gut and please don't message me as we probably aren't compatible. I honestly don't mean that in a mean or hurtful way. I've just been messaged quite often with women saying they pushed aside red flags to get to know me. Please don't, it never ends well and you end up wasting both of our time. Wouldn't you rather spend it finding your person with no flags?

I’m putting together a small group of individuals who have one thing in common:
We all have our own unique missions, dreams, and goals that we wish to achieve. As you have probably found on your journey, however, it is very difficult to set and stick to goals when you’re doing it alone. The purpose of this group is for its members (and you) to hold each other accountable for what we are trying to accomplish, to critique ideas and methods, to create discipline and celebrate progress. It’s easy to slack off when you are by yourself, but when you’re part of a team, you are held to a higher standard.
Your goals matter. They can be big or small, embarrassing, commonplace. Whatever the case may be, I’ll help you get there if you help me.
I've posted this on a few other subreddits as well. If you’re serious about making a change, hmu or let me know in the comments

My (21 female) friend from high school (22 male, I’ll call him Tom) got a girlfriend (22 female, I’ll call her Anna) at the end of freshman year of college (we all go to the same out of state college). They have been together for about 3 years now, and we are all seniors in college. I have known him for 8 years at this point, but we were definitely closer in high school. Overall, he’s done some shady things in the past, and he has some morals that I don’t personally align with, which is why he is now more of an acquaintance. However, I do see him all the time since he is my boyfriend’s roommate. I love his girlfriend so much, and she is possibly the kindest person I have ever met – she has gone out of her way to help me in hard times, even when we weren’t close.
At the beginning of summer going into sophomore year of college, my friend from home said she had had sex with Tom in July (she didn’t know he had a girlfriend at the time). Since I was a little confused on whether or not Anna and Tom were officially together, I decided to sit on this information. I recently realized that their anniversary date was in June. This has been really weighing on me. What’s even worse is that this was not the only time.
One of Tom’s roommates (20 male, I’ll call him Ron) told me that one night of summer going into Junior year, they had gone out with Ron’s current girlfriend and her friend. Apparently, they both went back to the house, and Ron’s girlfriend’s friend went into Tom’s bedroom with him. In the morning, Tom told Ron that him and the friend had sex, but that he felt awful and didn’t want to screw things up with Anna. Ron ended up telling me when he was super drunk, probably to spread out the guilt of holding onto this information. Ron’s girlfriend also confirmed that this was true.
Basically, I’m realizing now that Tom has been unfaithful to Anna multiple times now, and I don’t know if I can hold onto this information much longer. I feel like I should tell her, but Tom has a nasty side and it could really affect my life since we run in the same circles in college and back in our hometown. I don’t want any bad blood with anyone, but I feel like if I was in Anna’s position I’d really want to know this information. What do I do?
TLDR: Should I tell my friend (female) that her boyfriend (also my friend, male) has cheated on her multiple times? It could affect my relationships with many people since the boyfriend and I are in the same social circle and he currently lives with my boyfriend, but I would want to know if I was her.

I apologize as it's a bit of a novel and doesn't quite make grammatical sense in some spots. I can read goodly now and again lol. The reason it says M4R is because I mainly like women and trans women but I also like a very very very specific type of guy and certain trans men as I'm partially bi. Chances are you aren't that type but feel free to ask if you are. (Didn’t want to offend anyone so I’d rather say in private) Just throwing that out there as it's a deal breaker for most women. Which why would it be? The number one reason I get is I'm going to cheat on them with a guy. As if being bi has any bearing on cheating and not the persons character.
I'm a 35 year old guy living in the middle-ish of Texas looking for a female partner. Partner as in LTR. That's Long Term Relationship meaning boyfriend and girlfriend and holding hands type of stuff. You know, adult things? I had someone comment I was too vague so this is me being specific. I'm gonna be honest and kinda sad so bare with me.
So I spent New Years alone (I realize June is like tomorrow lol but I have yet to meet someone and I think the story is still somewhat relevant). Rang in the New Year in bed staring at the ceiling listening to fireworks go off into the night. The next day I cried randomly while browsing for a movie to watch on TV. At first I didn't know why as I'm not much of a crier but I realized for the first time that I genuinely felt alone. I have no partner, no family that I speak to, no friends just acquaintances, really no one there for me. That's my own doing which took years to accomplish through me being closed off and just shutting people out, so I figure it might take just as long to fix. I'm not complaining as I got myself into this predicament. It's gonna sound dumb but I wanted a New Years kiss. I'd never had one and it seemed like a fun dumb silly thing to do. Eh maybe one day. Ok well back to my spiel. (I'm not depressed or anything or wanting attention) Some of my hobbies and interests are movies, reading, cooking, kayaking, records, video games, board games, snorkeling, bowling, swimming, escape rooms, puzzles and antiquing. I would describe myself as more goofy and dorky than nerdy. I like to go out and do fun things but also stay in and cuddle and relax. I guess it depends on my mood and the weather. I prefer the cold and would love to live in a state with actual seasons and snow. I'm 5'10, stocky AKA fat and open for adventure and new experiences.
Here are some random facts about me:
Some of my favorite bands are: The Black Keys, Kings of Leon, The Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival and The White Stripes.
Christmas is my favorite holiday, mainly because of the cold and festive activities.
I come from a medium-ish family.
I'm exceptionally patient but every person has a breaking point lol
I like traveling a lot. It's a basic thing that lots of people like. But I've found lots of people hate to leave their house, town or state so if that's you we probably might not be a good match. I also enjoy the mountains. But I don't like roughing it (give me that sweet AC in the summer). Hiking is so hard on my knees and I haven't done it in a while that if I were to I think about doing it I'd about die or twist a kankle.
I don't eat seafood, mushrooms, artichokes or pineapple on pizza (Who cares about this? Doesn't mean I won't go to a restaurant with you that has these things)
Never went to college as I'm horrible in a classroom setting and at taking tests.
Have probably the most boring job imaginable (Ask me about it)
Overweight but trying to work on it and make better choices (Get healthier and lose weight together maybe?)
Non religious but no issue with what you believe. (If anything)
Looking into sterilization. If you are already maybe you can give me some info or tips?
My own red flags 🚩
I work too much and oftentimes can't talk.
I send selfies often. I'm a visual person and like receiving photos. Apparently it's a generational thing. Hopefully you think pictures are neat as well? Is it really that weird to want to see you and your life and show you mine?
I sometimes speedily become attached to people, not in a weird way, but if I like you and we have some kind of connection, I will enjoy talking to you and want to do it often.
I'm a very organized person and will plan out pretty much anything from a vacation to a road trip to a birthday. This makes being with a go with the flow type of person hard at times I've learned but still very much doable.
Due to childhood trauma I'm secretive which can be annoying.
MY own "HELL YES" 🏁
I know how to cook.
I will always drive if you want. (Within reason)
Great at escape rooms and jigsaw puzzles.
Can read a map.
Decent at reading backwards upside down writing.
What I'm looking for:
Is my age or older. But I'm willing to go quite a bit lower if you are neat and we have stuff in common. But super young isn't my goal here.
Mature, considerate, responsible and funny (Dorky wouldn't hurt)
Someone who never cheats, honesty and trust are important to me.
Someone who is open-minded, willing to try new things, be adventurous, funny and nerdy.
Someone who believes in sharing household chores equally because we are both adults.
Be open and frank about issues you or I are having. Not pushy or jealous. Won't yell or argue about stupid things, I've had enough of that.
Willing to push me to become a better version of myself (Can you turn me into Batman?)
If this sounds like you then feel free to reach out and say hi or challenge me to a game of Scrabble/Pictionary/hand to hand combat maybe? Maybe Wordle or some online vidya game?
P.S. I realize my post isn't for everyone but if your seeing red flags from my post then I'd say trust your gut and please don't message me as we probably aren't compatible. I honestly don't mean that in a mean or hurtful way. I've just been messaged quite often with women saying they pushed aside red flags to get to know me. Please don't, it never ends well and you end up wasting both of our time. Wouldn't you rather spend it finding your person with no flags?

Hi! I’m a 22 year old submissive female, seeking Dominant female for role play.
I play as myself, in first person. I’m 5’ 2” 85 pounds (I’m really petite) B-cup, size 5 feet, long dark blonde hair and brown eyes.
Don’t just send a replay to the starter, say hi and let’s discuss plots and kinks, then we can jump in. Here are some starter plots/scenarios that I’m interested in playing…
The pickup: I’m walking back from the beach on a hot summer evening. The hot wind blowing my hair as I walk along the desolate back road away from the beach. Walking in nothing more that a little white bikini, the soles of my barefeet stained black from walking barefoot on the asphalt, “Damn it’s really hot” I continue to walk down the long, deserted road…
This plot could go a lot of ways, I’m pretty willing, submissive and naive, so I don’t really like anything forced. Maybe you target me because of the way I look, maybe you like feet abs target me because I’m barefoot. Definitely lots of possibilities. Maybe you’re gonna keep me all to yourself, locking me up in your basement or secret dungeon. We can work out a scenario
The farm: I’m coming to your farm in the Deep South, it’s a hot, humid, moonless night. I already know this isn’t a ‘normal’ farm and I’m not ordinary farm help. I already know what’s in store for me. Under the cover of darkness, I make my way from the town deep into the countryside. Bringing nothing with me as instructed, I make my way to your farm in nothing but the little black bikini you sent me prior to this arrangement. I spot the farmhouse and make my way towards the porch light, “that’s the farm” my barefeet kicking up dust as I walk up the dust road…
Another fun plot I like. I love dirty places so a farm is awesome. Maybe I had seen your ad online about being kept and used for breast milking, maybe you’re just looking for a girl to keep her ankles and wrists in those old rusty slave shackles you don’t have keys for, maybe you’re just sadistic and you’re going to use and torture me. Let’s work out the details!
Meeting online: Meeting a partner online is the norm nowadays, I found your posting about looking for a girl, which was very appealing to me and too good to pass up. After some email exchange, you offer to take me…permanently. I excitedly accept and being the trip to your destination. Walking to the address, wearing a white tank top, no bra, a short black skirt, white panties and barefoot, I walk towards the door “this is it, no turning back now” I say to myself as I ring the doorbell…
This is really open ended. Did you offer to keep me in your dungeon? Maybe you have an asylum where I’m going to be kept, so many different ideas here.
The road/camping trip: We’ve been planning this for a long time, a summer trip. I’m excited and can’t wait for you to get home. I’m waiting around in my white bikini, already packed for the trip with my shall bag. Considering how long the trip is, I packed very little. “I can wait until she gets home” I say eagerly awaiting you…
This is more a non bdsm related plot but we can definitely include it! Maybe we card going camping deep in the woods, or by a lake, maybe tent camping in the rolling hills and we have to hike in. Let’s figure out an awesome trip!
The BDSM resort: Being the kinky girl I am, I naturally stumbled onto a kinky resort. I eagerly book a month long excursion into my ultimate desires. I arrive and check in. Off the lobby is the holding room. A grey, bare room with a locker and bench, I close the door and open my locker. Inside the locker is a pair of handcuffs and ankle cuffs, the chain in just long enough for me to walk. I place all my belongings and clothing in the locker and close it “I should be out in a month” I say to myself, knowing there is no turning back. I sit on the floor and lock the cuffs around my ankles, followed by cuffing my hands behind my back, following instructions, I wait on the timer for my host to enter, little did I know, I’d be here much longer than a month…
So much fun. What a vacation! But what’s in store for me? Did I sign up for multiple things, where I would be kept and how? Maybe I signed up to be kept in one place and one kind of restraint/position the whole time? How did I end up there longer? Maybe as punishment for something, violating the rules of a session, a computer glitch? Let’s come up with something together!
My kinks are, but not limited to: Bondage, Cuffs, Shackles, Mummification, Stocks/pillory, Straightjackets, Chastity, Bastinado, Tickling, Plugs, Gags, Oral, Anal, Vibrators, Dildos, Hoods, Blindfolds, Pee/scat, Barefeet (I love going barefoot and getting my feet dirty, I’m a regular barefooter) Foot worship (barefeet) sensory depravation, hoods, blindfolds, branding, tattoo, name calling, dirty talk, impact play, dirty/musk, verbal humiliation, Long term/permanent chastity, Long term/permanent bondage, Long term/permanent captivity/imprisonment, Predicament bondage, Kidnapping, Isolation, Being kept as a captive/prisoner, Stuck fetish (eg, having my feet stuck in mud, clay, tar, cement, quicksand, glue, etc)
Hard limits: Footwear (I stay barefoot), animals, drugs, broken bones, males,
Places I like to be kept: Dungeon, Basement, Garage, Farm, Old prison, Old asylum
I’m sure I left things out, so if you don’t see a particular kink or you have questions, please ask.
Only looking to roleplay with females, trans or futa as long as it’s not focused on a certain body part and it doesn’t go right to that.
All characters are 18+
I use Reddit chat
Kik: barefootslavegirl01
Discord: barefoot👣slavegirl#2957

I apologize as it's a bit of a novel and doesn't quite make grammatical sense in some spots. I can read goodly now and again lol. The reason it says M4R is because I mainly like women and trans women but I also like a very very very specific type of guy and certain trans men as I'm partially bi. Chances are you aren't that type but feel free to ask if you are. (Didn’t want to offend anyone so I’d rather say in private) Just throwing that out there as it's a deal breaker for most women. Which why would it be? The number one reason I get is I'm going to cheat on them with a guy. As if being bi has any bearing on cheating and not the persons character.
I'm a 35 year old guy living in the middle-ish of Texas looking for a female partner. Partner as in LTR. That's Long Term Relationship meaning boyfriend and girlfriend and holding hands type of stuff. You know, adult things? I had someone comment I was too vague so this is me being specific. I'm gonna be honest and kinda sad so bare with me.
So I spent New Years alone (I realize June is like tomorrow lol but I have yet to meet someone and I think the story is still somewhat relevant). Rang in the New Year in bed staring at the ceiling listening to fireworks go off into the night. The next day I cried randomly while browsing for a movie to watch on TV. At first I didn't know why as I'm not much of a crier but I realized for the first time that I genuinely felt alone. I have no partner, no family that I speak to, no friends just acquaintances, really no one there for me. That's my own doing which took years to accomplish through me being closed off and just shutting people out, so I figure it might take just as long to fix. I'm not complaining as I got myself into this predicament. It's gonna sound dumb but I wanted a New Years kiss. I'd never had one and it seemed like a fun dumb silly thing to do. Eh maybe one day. Ok well back to my spiel. (I'm not depressed or anything or wanting attention) Some of my hobbies and interests are movies, reading, cooking, kayaking, records, video games, board games, snorkeling, bowling, swimming, escape rooms, puzzles and antiquing. I would describe myself as more goofy and dorky than nerdy. I like to go out and do fun things but also stay in and cuddle and relax. I guess it depends on my mood and the weather. I prefer the cold and would love to live in a state with actual seasons and snow. I'm 5'10, stocky AKA fat and open for adventure and new experiences.
Here are some random facts about me:
Some of my favorite bands are: The Black Keys, Kings of Leon, The Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival and The White Stripes.
Christmas is my favorite holiday, mainly because of the cold and festive activities.
I come from a medium-ish family.
I'm exceptionally patient but every person has a breaking point lol
I like traveling a lot. It's a basic thing that lots of people like. But I've found lots of people hate to leave their house, town or state so if that's you we probably might not be a good match. I also enjoy the mountains. But I don't like roughing it (give me that sweet AC in the summer). Hiking is so hard on my knees and I haven't done it in a while that if I were to I think about doing it I'd about die or twist a kankle.
I don't eat seafood, mushrooms, artichokes or pineapple on pizza (Who cares about this? Doesn't mean I won't go to a restaurant with you that has these things)
Never went to college as I'm horrible in a classroom setting and at taking tests.
Have probably the most boring job imaginable (Ask me about it)
Overweight but trying to work on it and make better choices (Get healthier and lose weight together maybe?)
Non religious but no issue with what you believe. (If anything)
Looking into sterilization. If you are already maybe you can give me some info or tips?
My own red flags 🚩
I work too much and oftentimes can't talk.
I send selfies often. I'm a visual person and like receiving photos. Apparently it's a generational thing. Hopefully you think pictures are neat as well? Is it really that weird to want to see you and your life and show you mine?
I sometimes speedily become attached to people, not in a weird way, but if I like you and we have some kind of connection, I will enjoy talking to you and want to do it often.
I'm a very organized person and will plan out pretty much anything from a vacation to a road trip to a birthday. This makes being with a go with the flow type of person hard at times I've learned but still very much doable.
Due to childhood trauma I'm secretive which can be annoying.
MY own "HELL YES" 🏁
I know how to cook.
I will always drive if you want. (Within reason)
Great at escape rooms and jigsaw puzzles.
Can read a map.
Decent at reading backwards upside down writing.
What I'm looking for:
Is my age or older. But I'm willing to go quite a bit lower if you are neat and we have stuff in common. But super young isn't my goal here.
Mature, considerate, responsible and funny (Dorky wouldn't hurt)
Someone who never cheats, honesty and trust are important to me.
Someone who is open-minded, willing to try new things, be adventurous, funny and nerdy.
Someone who believes in sharing household chores equally because we are both adults.
Be open and frank about issues you or I are having. Not pushy or jealous. Won't yell or argue about stupid things, I've had enough of that.
Willing to push me to become a better version of myself (Can you turn me into Batman?)
If this sounds like you then feel free to reach out and say hi or challenge me to a game of Scrabble/Pictionary/hand to hand combat maybe? Maybe Wordle or some online vidya game?
P.S. I realize my post isn't for everyone but if your seeing red flags from my post then I'd say trust your gut and please don't message me as we probably aren't compatible. I honestly don't mean that in a mean or hurtful way. I've just been messaged quite often with women saying they pushed aside red flags to get to know me. Please don't, it never ends well and you end up wasting both of our time. Wouldn't you rather spend it finding your person with no flags?

Ha, silly, isn't it.
Sometimes I caught myself not only thinking of you, but wonder if you missed me too. I wonder if you missed me since that day you told me you missed me and when you disliked how emotional that made you, is that why you pulled back and blocked me?
I don't know if I'm allowed to smile thinking that you might've actually had real feelings for me too and when it got too much too close, you pulled away—afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of it being so real. Afraid of it robbing you of your freedom and independence.
I mean, you don't even block your ex! 😂 I remember you told our friends at the server where we met, you told us you still see her whenever she was in town but she had already have her own boyfriend... For God's sake, you don't even block her! Why are you blocking me out?
I'm trying my best to get over you. It's not fair that whenever I try to see someone new, you're the only one that I see. I keep comparing them to you. I'm trying to get to know them, but you've been the one I was always comfortable with. I was happy getting to know you, and I thought the same of you with me.
I'm still hurt you wouldn't even say goodbye. You told me once, when you did this before, that I was a good friend; that I didn't deserve being blocked and deserved a farewell; you said that we were matured now, getting back together again and "nature is healing".
Do you hear yourself then? Does it frightens you to see how close we were getting, emotionally?
You took my first kiss. No, I let you have it. I was happy to. I'd do it again. Over and over.
To think we did it on a special date too—23rd March 2023. Or 23.03.23. Ha. How am I ever going to forget that? And you blocked me on the dot for its 2 months anniversary? I'm laughing my ass off at that 🤣
I'm trying to snuff off these wisps of thoughts of you. So I went for a run in the park earlier today.
I passed by the bench where we sat and huddled together in the cold; you sneaked your hand in mine and I pulled them into my coat, so you'd be warm. I remember letting you go further and further in, teasing you to told me right on my bra. You huddled closer so we were face to face, and you chuckled as you said, "You're so warm."
I smiled at that memory. I wonder if the tree grown in front of that bench saw what we did that night. Does it wonder what happened when it sees me tearing up and then laughing like a madman?
Down the road, at the tube station, was where I met you in person the first time. I reached up to hug you because you were so tall. I don't know why hugging you was so natural that night. You hugged back too, do you remember?
When I returned, the uphill road towards home was where you tried to pick me up and you said I was so tiny; your words were, "I told you it was easy" and you called me your "tiny senpai" because I was older. You tried to pat my head several times. I'd just close my eyes and smile at that memory.
Then, there's the bus stop in front of my flat's building. I always stopped and think about it. I seemed to see us sitting there sometimes.
That's where I asked you to kiss me. Twice.
Do you think somewhere in TfL's database there's a video of us kissing? Do you think someone witnessed us kissing? Do you think they sometimes wonder what happened to us? Or just brush us aside like you did me?
I remember you seemed disappointed I couldn't take you into my flat; the household rules are real and I can't have latenight visitors. I remember as I sat beside you, waiting for your Uber and I turned back at you as I was walking away. I remember how your face lit up when I asked you, "Do you want to kiss me before I go?"
I still remember how velvety wet your lips were. Or how your mouth tasted like beer.
I miss those lips. I miss moments like that when you held my heart in your hand and you commanded every affection I held dear...
And now that affection is brutally murdered. For no reason. You wouldn't tell me why. You couldn't—maybe it'll only solidify your fear.
God, I hate missing you.
I hate hoping I'd find you waiting for me. You told me you got something for me from Japan. If that were true, have you given it to someone else? Or does it remind you of me now that we're parted? Those Japan vacation photos you said you took that reminded you of me, did you delete them too? I don't blame you if you do—would've saved a lot of storage space. I don't blame you if you don't either, but does it remind you of me? Do you look through them and miss me too?
I hate hoping at all for you, for anyone, for anything. I'm scared that I'm starting to be like you. I'm starting to fear trusting someone with my heart only to be disappointed. I don't want to be like you. I want to be happy and ready to love someone the way you never were. I had that much positivity. I don't want this to ruin that.
You know I have more right to block you, right? You know where I lived! You know where I hang out! I can't help but laugh at that. To think that I stir so much confusion in you that you had to block me.
Meanwhile, I'm a coward.
I don't have the guts to block you. I've stopped sending you anything at all. I won't try calling you anymore. Your actions, immature and emotionally unintelligent as they may be, speak louder than words. And I can't change you. Can't change the past—only how I chose to see it or let it affect me and my future. You shouldn't be any more worth of my time. But I believe I have more self-control than you, that's why I won't block you. I'll move on, slowly and surely.
I'll still miss you. Sometimes, cry over you. But mostly, I'll smile thinking of you and hoping you're ever happier than before or will learn to be, even if it's not with me. I'll laugh about those frog memes we shared and stupid animal chimaera sounds we joked about.
But what's done is done. You made your choice for you so I won't hold any bad karma for you. I still wish you the best. I never wished bad things on you and never will. You were still someone I won't regret meeting and never regret the pleasure of knowing.
Take care
I tagged this "lovers" because for what it's worth, I did love you for who you are and what you made me feel. It pains me still, but I enjoyed every minute of knowing you—good and bad.

So me and my friends are from Sweden and we went to Birmingham this weekend to celebrate my 30th birthday. We went to a restaurant and my friend talked to a group sitting next to us. He asked if the group would want to join us and sing happy birthday for me, mostly as a way to embarrass me and that they would have something to laugh at later. The group next to us were really friendly and they started singing together with my friends. After that they took over and started their own song and I’m sure it was the melody from “My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean” but with different lyrics. I don’t remember any of the lyrics because I had a few pints that day but I remember it being funny. I can’t find the lyrics on the internet and none of us recorded it. Is this a thing in the UK or was it a song exclusively from this group? Thankful for any help that can help me relive this special moment.

Continued from Pt. 1.
WARNING: This story contains depictions of non-consensual sex and gun violence.
---------------------------------
Lyle found himself on foot, the valise at his side, the night air crisp and noisy. He realized he was ravenous. No surprise there, he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in twenty-six hours. The late evening traffic was brisk around the campus, and as he passed a roving pack of students Lyle realized it was Thursday night. Thirsty Thursdays.
In keeping with ancient tradition, the majority of undergraduates avoided Friday morning classes at all costs, preferring to begin their weekend revels on Thursday nights. Lyle followed his feet. He imagined power emanating from the briefcase at his side, thrumming up his arm. He felt, for perhaps the first time in a life of shrinking uncertainty, boundless.
And it felt extraordinary.
Somewhere inside of him a notion was forming that he did not dare articulate. But he followed his feet. The easy ebb and flow of walk signals, the pleasantly cool night air, the passing chatter, even the occasional car-horn—which in the past had never failed to startle him, jittery as he was—seemed buoyant and agreeable. The night was his. He realized he was sloping gently downhill, as he followed his feet. He realized he knew exactly where he was going. He found himself before O’Flaherty’s Pub, with its sandwich-board blaring LADIES NIGHT 1/2 WELL DRINKS -- TRUST ME YOU CAN DANCE in electric pink loops. It felt only natural to step beneath the awning, swing wide the knotted mahogany door, and enter the din.
The ham-hock manning security—probably a redshirt lineman in his off-season—turned toward Lyle on autopilot, one hand reaching out as a question formed on his lips, lemme see some ID. Lyle made no attempt to reach for his wallet because he knew the inevitable would happen when the bouncer took in his face, which he did a half second later. A tiny beat of recognition flickered and was gone, and the bouncer turned away. No need to card the old dude. Good luck navigating the vicissitudes of adult life, you Mongoloid, Lyle thought. The jag off had a Black & Mild tucked up behind one ear, Lyle felt an insane urge to snatch it off his head and break it in half. He did not do well with the pretend authority of chunky, dead-eyed adolescents.
But I’m not here for him.
Lyle wove his way into the evening crush with the delicate, shuffling little steps he always used in crowds. By fits and starts he made his way deeper, deeper, winding toward the back bar, the one with the full-length mirror. That was her favorite. O’Flaherty’s had a Crosley jukebox, wood-paneled and coin-operated, reaching for vintage but stuffed to the gills with Bluetooth and wi-fi and digital memory and whatever else. A woman’s voice was booming out of it, an empty pop ballad gussied up by her big, operatic sound. Lyle tried to think of the singer’s name, but couldn’t. He squeezed into a narrow gap at the back bar.
Darby was flirting as she mixed a rum-and-coke for a gawky, dough-faced kid in a flat-cap and a Harrington jacket. On the few occasions he had come out on Darby missions, Lyle had stayed well back from the bar, waiting for drink service at one of the small cafe tables lining the billiard room. But tonight, he wasn’t here to watch.
Darby handed off the drink and caught sight of Lyle. He winced—he could read the surprise, even discomfort, on her face. But she was tending bar, and she was quick on her feet, and she rearranged her expression into a smile. She held up a finger—one sec—to which Lyle nodded, as she took flat-cap’s (father’s) Amex back to the register and opened up a tab.
Lyle enjoyed watching her walk. Enjoyed looking at her from the back, or in profile. He usually saw her face, in class, big brown doe eyes and very pale, freckled skin. A shade away from clear, he had heard her joke once, to James, as she had invited him to touch the roadmap of blue veins on her inner arm. That had enraged Lyle—the sudden, unwelcome image of James with those long creamy legs locked over his waist, his long, slow thrusts.
Because he restrained himself from ogling her in class, it was a pleasure to come to O’Flaherty’s during her shifts and watch her as she worked. Darby was not the first of what Lyle thought of as his “favorites”. Every year or two there was a fresh, irresistible young thing, for him to think about, alone, late at night. One of the unspoken perks of professordom was the constant influx of eye-candy, of short skirts and long legs and high asses and pert young tits. In his mind’s eye it was an endless profusion of imagined aureoles, of wondering about their panties—boy-briefs or frilly little whatsits or g-strings or none at all—and even if Lyle never slept with them there was an intense eroticism in holding power over these girls he could never have bedded in his own college years. In pushing that term paper over the failing line and waiting, deliciously waiting, for them to come to his office hour and plead. Only Darby’s work was reasonably competent, so even that grimy thrill was denied him.
Darby finished up with the register and came over, the pale of her neck stark against her tight black t-shirt. O’FLAHERTY’S was printed on it in green, the name stretched to accommodate her bust. Her hair frazzled at the temples; she’d been working hard.
Just a little dirty, that’s how I like you, he thought.
“Dr. L! We missed you today, thought maybe you caught the gunk. You all right?” Darby beamed her big smile at him, a gift of the gods (and of immaculate orthodontics).
“I’m fine, Darby, thanks. Just a communication mix-up. I’m sorry you all waited.”
She kept smiling, seemed to be waiting for more. He didn’t give it to her.
“Well—can I get you anything?”
Lyle hesitated, trying to think of a manly drink, something urbane and—professorial.
“Scotch-rocks. A double.”
Darby continued to stare at him, expectantly. “Any… particular poison, or-?”
Lyle glanced up, made a show of studying the bottles arrayed behind her. He knew nothing about scotch. Stupid. He settled on Johnnie Walker Black, and Darby poured his drink.
Lyle realized his heart was racing. Darby set the drink in front of him and he downed half of it in one swallow. He managed to keep his face neutral as the liquor seared his throat.
“This is a—little bit of a departure, for you, huh?” Darby indicated the scotch.
“What?”
She must have known he heard her but she raised her voice anyway. The music had changed to a British pop group with a lot of electronic undertones, trying to sound haunting.
“The scotch,” she said. “Don’t you always order lemon drop martinis? When you come in?”
Busted. Two bright red circles appeared high on his cheeks.
“You know, it, it depends,” he replied. “Depends on my mood. And you—you make a hell of a lemon drop martini, here.”
Fucking idiot, he thought. They make the same Goddamn lemon drop martini as everybody else and she knows it.
Darby was smooth, though. Graceful. She rolled right past it. “I wondered why you never came over and said hi.”
“Well I don’t want to, you know, be a bother. You’re working. It’s always busy. And I’ve been coming here for years, off and on. You get used to seeing students out on the town. I try to give them their space.”
“Oh.” Her smile reappeared. “Well I’m glad you came over. Let me know if I can get you anything else?” She was already angling away.
“How was class today?” Lyle didn’t want to let her go. She glanced down the bar, she had customers waiting.
“It was great, really great,” she hurried her answer. She was giving him the brush-off. “James did great. He’s an awesome teacher. Awesome guy.”
“You know, I’d been meaning to ask you, about James…” Lyle leaned in, conspiratorially. Darby’s smile was faltering, but courtesy won out and she leaned in to hear.
“Are you fucking him?”
Darby recoiled, as though he had spit on her.
“What?”
“Do you laugh at me, when you do it? When you fuck, do you laugh at the scabby, horn-dog professor?”
Darby’s breath hitched in her chest, she looked like she was about to cry. She took a step back. She looked down the bar, and then past him—toward the door.
Bouncer, he thought. She’s looking for the bouncer.
“I think you need to—” she began.
Then Lyle said the Word. The alien Word, meant to be moaned, easy as pie, really, when you thought about it, how the sounds flowed together. The Word that meant libido.
Darby froze. Her pupils flickered, Lyle saw, they constricted down to pinpricks, and then dilated as wide as they could go, swallowing the puppy-dog brown of her irises. Her face went slack. That wide, expensive smile vanished, and her mouth hung slightly open.
“Moisten your lips, Darby,” he said.
Her tongue slid out, pink and supple, and she obeyed.
Oh, my God, she OBEYED.
Lyle’s penis twitched in his pants, he realized he was painfully erect, his balls aching. He realized he had been, had been since—since I said the Word—since he had her and a cruel, savage sense of triumph shook him, he felt his pulse hammering in his veins, he felt like standing up on the bar and—
ROARING I want to ROAR at this dewy twat and all her imbecilic peers—
But instead, he took his cock firmly in his hand, through the cheap fabric of his Ross trousers, squeezed himself, and said—
“What are we going to do with you, Darby?”
#
Lyle fucked her in the alleyway behind O’Flaherty’s. That meant hurrying more than he liked, the dumpster provided cover but the blocks surrounding the campus were too well policed. It was all right, though. Now that he was armed with the libido-Word, the next time could be more leisurely.
He took her in. All of her. The small, surprisingly dark nipples, nothing like he’d imagined. The fine, black hairs on the nape of her neck, the peach fuzz of her freckled low back, her inner thighs. Her panties were white briefs with green stitching, they were covered with tiny frogs. He tugged them down, and nuzzled her there. He left hickeys, on her ass, her mons. Her smooth, exquisite young cunt.
Lyle took her from behind and saw the groggy confusion in her dilated eyes, the amazement—and through that the pleasure, the unsuspected, unwanted, violating pleasure that jolted moans out of her.
Lyle sucked her neck, bit it, hard enough to sting. She gave a tiny mewl as she came, and her spasm triggered him also. Lyle buried himself to the hilt in her, finished in her, and felt—
Like a king. Like a GOD.
They stayed there as the minutes stretched out, panting, still joined. He savored her, until his own tumescence vanished, and he slipped out. Lyle patted her derriere.
“Get dressed and get back to work, Darby,” he said. “We don’t want you to get in trouble.”
She jerked her head, drunkenly, from side to side, as though she were trying to shake water out of her ears. Lyle breathed deep, in through his nose, the fine scents of the city. Fried food nearby, probably the Thai joint catty-corner to the pub. He stood and admired, as Darby tugged her frog-panties back up those long pale legs.
“I’ll see you in class.”
Darby stared blankly at him as he took up his suitcase, turned, and strode into the night.
#
When Lyle opened his eyes the next morning, he was only mildly surprised to discover that he felt no guilt at all. The sun streamed in, the world was up and running, coffee was calling, and by God he felt fine.
He sat up in bed, stretched. He glanced at the alarm clock, that hateful sentinel, now toothless—10:27AM. The mattress was bare, beneath him. He’d never washed the sheets. Puddled on the floor were yesterday’s clothes. He resisted the urge to tidy them up. Later. He padded to the bathroom and went about his ablutions, brushed his teeth, took out his shaving kit. He had used the sleep-Word on himself again, last night. After.
After! He let the memories wash over him. Her smell: the tang of sweat, bar-odors, the undercurrent of peach soap. The taste of her! And then the feast, afterward. He had followed his nose to Great Elephant Thai, wolfed down a plate of kai thot, fried to a crisp and dripping oil. It may have been the finest meal of his life.
And he had had such dreams! Dreams of Darby, and of favorites past. Dreams of fucking and of wealth and of slights avenged and of respectful, deferential looks, dreams of voices falling silent when he entered a room, of every eye on him. A song lyric drifted into his head, something from his childhood, a favorite of his father’s one long summer, repeated ad nauseam on the fourteen-hour drive down to Savannah.
“Twenty years a’crawlin’… were bottled up in Tommy… he wasn’t holding nothin’ back, he let ‘em have it all…” Lyle sang, full voice, into the morning. A stupid grin spread over his face, as he wicked away the last patch of Barbasol, the careful spot right over his Adam’s apple, and rinsed his razor. He took a long look at Mirror-Lyle, looked into his eyes. He almost always avoided a close examination of his reflection, force of habit, but today he was a new man, and he wanted to take that man’s measure.
“Everyone… considered him… THE COWARD OOOF… the COUNTYYYY…”
Something else surfaced, then, in his memory, something that cranked the wattage down on his smile. He didn’t get all of it, just a glimpse, like a dorsal fin rising above the water. He had dreamed of more than power and sex. There had been something else. Lyle had a vague red recollection of tangled depths and faceless figures. His mind offered up a fleeting image of a crumbling stone structure, of keening wind and squat pillars; and of a great broken vault overhead, through which could be seen a blasted sky.
Lyle charged his phone as he brewed up a fresh pot. It had run out of juice somewhere during yesterday’s festivities, and when it finally powered up again it began to vibrate against the Formica tabletop in his dining nook. He ignored the first two pulses, but the phone insistently continued, not with the regular rhythm of an incoming call, but rather the inconsistent bursts of message notifications trickling in from the cloud. He tapped the touchscreen, and saw he had seven missed calls: one from a colleague, yesterday; and six from James, each one with a voicemail attached. The most recent of these had come just twenty minutes ago.
Lyle sipped on his coffee as he retrieved the briefcase from beneath his bed. He sat at his dinette and removed the fascicle, easily finding the rigid page. He opened it, and this time the new Word was waiting for him below the first, long entry: the entry corresponding to the letter “A” itself. This Word was angry, Ks and Zs, a hornet-word, serpent-word. Lyle looked to the white space, where the definition would arise. He pricked his forefinger with the tip of a steak knife and squeezed out two droplets of blood.
der zorn
Lyle sipped. Lyle thought. Greek, then Latin, now German. Was it moving forward in time? He wondered again about those first shapes he had seen, in the library. The more he tried to remember the more he doubted they had been in Greek. Something older, maybe. Phoenician syllabary? He would likely never know. But the Words were changing. The book was changing.
And there was this: both of the—spells, they’re spells, let’s cut the shit—both of the Words it had given him so far had been…
“Intuitive,” he said finally. “Useful. Like it knew.”
Lyle took down the last foil sleeve of blueberry Pop Tarts from his cupboard. Pauper’s breakfast, he thought, but not for much longer. He searched through his contacts until he found the number for the Chancellor’s office. He thumbed the little blue phone icon beside it.
#
Lyle had just started boxing up his things when James burst into his office, perfectly symmetrical face distorted by fury, his generous features made ugly. Ah, the righteousness of youth. James took in the dense sheaf of Staples boxes, waiting to be folded; took in the bare walls, the stacked diplomas and photographs.
“What the fuck is this?” he demanded.
“Emergency leave,” Lyle answered with a dismissive wave. “I’ve had a family crisis. I’m afraid I have to attend to it. Professor Chole will be taking over my workload for the remainder of the semester, I’m sure she’ll be in touch—"
“What did you do to Darby? What the fuck did you do?” James spoke with the husky, quaking tone of pure adrenaline. He was just barely restraining himself from lunging across the desk, Lyle realized. He took the younger man in with bemused calm. He let the moment stretch out.
“Therese called me,” James continued, the words throttling out of him. “Darby’s roommate. She came home last night, she has—bruises, all over her, little, little bites—she won’t speak, she just sits there and cries, but she said your name. It’s the only thing she said. What did you do to her, Lyle? Did you rape her?”
“Dr. Hereford,” Lyle replied.
James craned forward. “What?”
“You don’t get to call me Lyle.”
Lower, now, almost a whisper: “Tell me what you did to her.”
“I made her come,” Lyle said. “And she fucking loved it.”
James did lunge then, he screamed and he leapt across the desk, coming down on Lyle in a tangle of thrashing limbs and rabbit punches, the two of them toppling Lyle’s chair, compressing awkwardly into the tight space between desk and wall. James kicked hard off of the gray metal drawers, managing to end up on top. His hands found Lyle’s throat and began to squeeze. Lyle felt himself constricting, felt the energy draining out of him, pinned, as he lost oxygen. He noticed the curds of spittle at the corners of James’s snarling mouth. He started to see spots in the periphery of his vision, and as he slapped ineffectually at James’s face he thought am I going to die here—?
Lyle dug down for the last of his strength. The Word chose me. This wasn’t the end. Couldn’t be the end. He extended his leg as far as it would go, and used the distance to drive his knee, hard, into James’s crotch. A grunting exhale was propelled out of the younger man. Lyle pulled back to do it again; James squeezed his thighs together to block, and when he did, he compromised his balance. He took one hand off Lyle’s throat and thrust out his arm to catch himself as be began to roll, allowing Lyle to draw in a long, ragged breath.
Then Lyle spoke the Word.
The der zorn-Word.
The word that meant anger, that meant rage, that meant WRATH.
#
“Son. Son, you’re bleeding, let me—let me help you, come on. Son, it’s gonna be okay, come on, now— “
The campus policeman approaches James like a dog that might be rabid, that slow hunched posture with arms wide, except for the policeman it’s only one arm because his right hand is flush up against his service weapon and his thumb snaps the little thumbsnap and it’s a very small noise but it’s so loud in James’s head and he shakes it, his head, does James, from side to side, in herks and jerks, like a dog that might be rabid, now, like there’s water in his ears and he’s trying to shake it out, is James, and the policeman is coming on and speaking in clear precise syllables that explode behind James’s temples, clusterbomb-words, and the cop is speaking but he’s hearing another voice, is James, and it’s Lyle’s voice, it’s Dr. L’s voice, not Lyle never Lyle, and Dr. L’s voice is saying snakebit you’re snakebit she fucking LOVED it and James touches his own face now and it must be true because there’s blood on his face and when he blinks his blink is heavy and liquid like he just dropped Visine in there but the thing is but only but except it’s blood and he’s bleeding from the eyes, is James, and now the policeman is right on top of him saying “son what happened can you hear me respond if you can hear me” and James hears the exploding words all right and he blinks and blood oozes from the corners of his eyes and the cop is changing now, in the blood, his face is BOILING and now it’s Darby’s face on the policeman and she opens her mouth and her head cranes back and she’s ruined inside OH FUCK SHE’S RUINED INSIDE SHOT HERSELF SHE SHOT HERSELF SHE’S SHOT and now it’s DR L IT’S DR L SCREAMING SNAKEBIT SNAKEBIT SNAKEBIT—
James rears back and head-butts the campus cop as hard as he can, the smooth acne-less center of James’s forehead connecting with the soft cartilage of the policeman’s nose. A sick crunch echoes in the lobby of the Humanities building, a young woman close enough to hear it vomits on the floor, it is the first puking incident of the day but not the last.
The cop recoils with a sick moan, in his surprise clapping his hands to his shattered nose; in that moment James bellows, an awful inarticulate animal sound of hate, and yanks the policeman’s service piece free of his holster.
The handful of rubbernecking students freeze as James shoots the policeman in the face.
The policeman’s name is (was) Lou, the students know, and he is (was) genial and well-liked. A silent second passes in the lobby, and then the screaming begins.
James dips down and pulls two spare clips out of Lou’s belt. He pockets them. When James looks up, he doesn’t see fleeing students.
He sees Dr. L.
A gaggle of Dr. L’s. A school, a clutch, a murder. He sees laughing Dr. L’s running in every direction, diving behind furniture, breaking for the street or hurtling into the stairwells. One Dr. L dives behind the reception desk. James starts after him on wooden legs.
When he reaches the desk, there is Dr. L beneath it, a cell phone in his hand, cackling. James shoots him in the stomach. Dr. L keeps right on laughing, howling with it now, whatever it is must be hilarious, a real knee-slapper, then James remembers its him, Dr. L is laughing at him so James shoots him again, shoots him so he’ll stop but there are so many more—
#
Lyle Hereford, Ph.D., rested his browning forearms on the wrought iron railing of his third-floor balcony. He looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. The breeze was warm and gentle, suffusing, but it no longer calmed him. He took no notice of it. He was lost, as he was always now lost, in thought.
The one, lone thought.
It had taken a little less than two weeks for James’s horrific shooting spree to drop out of the news. The demands for GUN CONTROL NOW (or, conversely, for guns in every classroom) receded and were shelved for the next go-round. Politicians took to the field and unfurled their heraldry for the usual pro-forma skirmishes. Then, mercifully, a Cabinet official fucked somebody he really shouldn’t have and the national discourse (such as it was) barreled off, like a dog chasing a ball that its owner had only pretended to throw. As to why a handsome, popular, well-adjusted student should suddenly snap and murder sixteen of his fellows? The theories ranged from medically reasonable (an inoperable tumor which could not be verified via autopsy, as James’s brains had been removed by the responding tactical unit); to the paranoiac (James had been the subject of a Manchurian Candidate-style CIA/NSA/Acronym-of-your-choice experiment gone horribly wrong); to the Occult (the Devil made him do it).
Lyle had enjoyed that last one.
What Lyle had not enjoyed was that some of the conspiracy theorists, and even some of the legitimate press, had mentioned him by name. He had disappeared, after all, on an auspicious and chaotic day, to manage a crisis no one could verify involving a family no one could find. It had not been difficult to remain ahead of any enterprising investigators, though. Not with the Words.
And there had been so many more Words. Words in French and Finnish and Russian and Spanish and Mandarin. Words that meant envy and silence and fear and blindness and, perhaps the most potent yet, a Word that meant stupid. Lyle had employed that one against a statie who pulled him over as he crossed the Louisiana line, coming through Vicksburg. The guy had been six-two, maybe two-twenty, with sharp, curious eyes sunk deep in his skull. Lyle hadn’t liked the way he had looked at him, so he used the Word. Now the statie—Edmonds was his name, Trooper Edmonds—was six-two, two-twenty of drooling simpleton, probably staring at a wall somewhere in the nearest brain injury ward and driving the resident neurologists absolutely bugshit.
By the time Lyle made it to a quiet, lazy town on the Cajun Riviera and decided to set a spell, he had traded in his Acura for a Beemer and was carrying close to a hundred and twelve thousand dollars in cash. He had also acquired a 9mm Ruger and a shotgun with a pistol grip (the dealer had called it a snake charmer just before Lyle killed him).
None of that matters now, though.
All that mattered was the Word. Which, he had come to realize, was the last Word.
Because the book was alive, of course, had always been alive, Lyle knew that. Hadn’t let himself come right out and say it, but he knew. It had slept, maybe, possibly, until he woke it, with his touch, with his blood, but if it slept, it woke up thirsty. The book was always ready with the next Word, the next thing he would need. The book was collaborating with him. It was dancing with him, and at first he had thought he was the one leading, but now he knew better.
Lyle felt it. Felt it—pulling on him. All the time. Felt it in the room behind him, pulling, knew that he would go back in, sooner or later, go back in, and open the book, the book that has been leading him. Knew that he would open its hundreds of pages, because it was longer now, because it had grown, because it was three inches thick and the front plating had vanished and it wasn’t pretending to be a dictionary anymore.
He knew that he would open it and on every single page, centered, would be a single Word, the last Word, the Word that he will say, that he must say, sooner or later, and under it swirling in blood, blood that must be the book’s own, the final explication, the final command, the final meaning, and God, oh God, Lyle was afraid, because the last Word was
DOOR

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How do I know if my relationship is a dead bedroom? I (f28) and my girlfriend (f27) have been together since middle school so 14 years. We have “sex” I every night for the past 6 years but I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve never been touched. I’ve never been kissed. Actually I’ve never even been looked at… she closes her eyes. She doesn’t make a sound and I understand not everyone makes noise (but she doesn’t even speak). She did call me her exs name one time but not during sex and I know it sounds bad but I genuinely think it was a accident she did everything in her power to prove it was a mistake and that it was not on purpose. It hurt me and I told her that she was very aware and respectful of my emotions. And this was in the beginning of our relationship (between month 2 and 3). She was with her ex for 2 years so I understand that she may have just been used to it. But now everytime she closes her eyes during sex (every single time) I’m scared she’s thinking of her ex. I know it sounds like she might not like the sex but she orgasms between 4-6 times every night. I have no problem pleasuring her I love it and so does she(she told me herself). But for some reason after ever encounter I feel like crying and throwing up because I don’t know why she won’t even look at me. Is she grossed out by my body? Am I not giving her enough? She asks me for sex every night I honestly don’t think my performance is bad.. I have told her about my feelings and what I want and she said she would try but I see no effort.. I can’t lose her but I feel so gross and disgusted by myself because I feel rejected. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Our relationship is healthy we talk things out, we are honest, we flirt, we kiss, we cuddle, we hold hands, we laugh, we tell each other we love each other extremely often, and we go on dates once a month. I’m confused and hurt. I feel like I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know it. She loves me and I know she does. It makes me feel even worse about myself when I have these thoughts of wanting to feel seen and loved during sex. I love her with everything I have I can’t imagine my life without her. I do not want to break up that’s completely out of the question for me. I don’t know how to talk ti her about it because I feel controlling. Like seriously I don’t want her to close her eyes. I feel pathetic and annoying. I don’t even know why I expect so much we were each others firsts and even the first time it was the same. We talk about this frequently but I don’t think she understands what I mean and I keep trying, I want things to work. But I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know why I feel this way. I don’t know why I want so much. I don’t know why my expectations are so high. Do I give up? Will I never be touched or seen? Will I never feel loved or cherished during sex? Do I just pretend it doesn’t hurt? What do I do? Is this a dead bedroom? Do we need therapy? How can I save my relationship? Please help me. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost I feel helpless.

(This hypothetical spawned from a comment I made on a post by u/SnooLemons8053. This whole thing’s essentially a more in-depth version of that. So, uh, enjoy! -V)
———
I saw some concept art recently that depicted a colder, more cynical version of the Khan Doorman we know today… and I couldn’t help but think that it could be a premonition for his future character development. Personally, I think he’s gonna go from a cowardly, emotional door-loving daughter-abandoner, to a cold, badass gunslingin’ leader.
From the meek drone who won’t even pick up a gun to save his own kids life, to a man who’ll shoot first and ask questions later…
Hypothetical Time!!
Okay, so, I think there’d be a breaking point for him, one where he’d finally snap into reality, n’ realize that in order to become the man his daughter needs (and his wife needed), he’s gotta be made of sterner stuff (metaphorically speaking… or he could just reprogram himself, idk).
During the course of a season he’d go through the process of overcoming his fears, staring death in the face, and pulling the frickin’ trigger of that sick pistol he’s got there (in the art). He would force himself into combat to protect his daughter, n’ to finally do right by her, nearly getting himself killed in the process. Receiving that nasty scar from the concept art for his trouble, as a parting gift from death. From this turning point on, the constant death and murder all around might begin to desensitize him, and he develops an unhealthy cynicism towards it all.
Into the next arc there’d be a bit where he becomes almost too jaded *and Uzi openly worries about him. Where he’s so far gone that he doesn’t really care about any of the things that he used to. He becomes cold and distant, not even caring about *doors anymore and merely mimicking some of the things he used to say or do out of a sense of normality. A shadow of his former self. A marionette with its strings fraying, ready to fall apart. The only thing keeping his head above water being his daughter, the last thing he truly cares about.
This would definitely effect Uzi, as she would gain the proper protector she so desperately needed him to be, with the ultimate downside of losing that loving, caring dad that she had taken for granted her entire life.
Overtime Uzi would try her best to drag her father out from this depressive state, bringing up old memories, and reminiscing about all the stuff they used to do together, only for him to disregard it all. For example; She could bring up some random time where he showed her how a specific door worked, however he’d just shrug it off, reminding her that she didn’t smile once that day, and apologizing for wasting her time. Oh man, that would hurt. It would kill her inside watching the man who raised her seemingly wither away and die before her digital eyes, all the while very real death n’ destruction reigns around her, threatening her every move. Though, with the help of her friends, she’d mature and grow as the story progresses, learning to handle it all better each and every day. Never flawlessly, but as well as she can.
All leading up to some point down the line, where we’d essentially have the opposite situation of what’s currently presented; A more stable Uzi trying to drag her jaded, unstable father from the darkness of a world that’s persistently out to kill him and the one thing that he still holds dear. She’d try so hard, willing to give anything to get some semblance of her old dad back. The one who smiled, laughed, played cards, obsessed over doors, all that jazz.
In the end, everything could all culminate in a heart-to-heart with his daughter, where they’d both reach their emotional limits, break down, and ultimately heal some long-standing mental wounds together. And through this, Mr. Doorman could finally achieve a perfect balance. A strong n’ stoic protector, and an emotionally available father. The Perfect Dad, with the perfect ‘stache. The man his family needs.
End Hypothetical
All that said, even if I’m wrong about literally everything stated above, one thing I’d put money on, is that at some point… Khan Doorman is going to die. I think he sacrifices himself in a total 180 of the scene where he abandons Uzi and leaves her to die at the hands of N, presenting his growth as a man, and as a father to his only child. Redeeming himself in the eyes of his daughter, his wife, and most importantly, himself. I think it’d be the perfect conclusion to his story, even if this specific hypothetical storyline may (definitely) be off. Either way, I just don’t see him making it to the finish line, and that’s okay. Where a Khan’s story ends, Uzi’s truly begins.

I should have known the job was too good to be true.
Make two hundred dollars a night to sit in an undisclosed location from sun down to sun up. No previous experience required. Non Disclosure to be signed before hiring. Candidates who break NDA will be sued for breach of contract. Must have a strong constitution and high moral fiber. Interested parties call (number below)
For a college student who was struggling to pay tuition, car insurance, and keep food in the dorm fridge, this sounded too good to be true. I looked at the party offering the service and discovered that I knew them. Doctor Crandler was a BioMed teacher who had a bit of a reputation for being out there. He was said to conduct experiments after hours in the science lab and if he hadn’t had tenure, it was pretty likely that he would have been fired. These were all rumors, of course. I’d had Doctor Crandler last year for entry level human biomes and he was a delight. He turned out to be a huge Romero fan and loved to talk about zombies and old horror movies. We had really hit it off, and when I called the number, he sounded happy to hear from me.
“Oh thank god, I was hoping someone reliable would call. I’ve lost three this week, and I’m beginning to think I’ll have to stoop to drastic measures.”
Whatever drastic measures were, Doc C didn’t elaborate.
He just told me to come to the science lab at five fifteen sharp.
“And not a minute later!” he added before hanging up and leaving me with more questions than answers.
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but two hundy was two hundy, and that would be able to put something in my body other than ramen noodles this week if the job was legit. So, about four thirty, I hopped on my bike and made my way across campus to the Verner May Science Building. It’s a huge old brick building that's been on campus since the nineteen forties. They say its been home to a lot of famous research and more than one questionable clinical trial. I had started to wonder if Doctor C was gonna try to experiment on me, and that's why he was being so secretive. I decided that if that was the case, two hundred was not enough. I had enough trouble scoring ladies with my pizza face and I doubted having four arms or two heads would help matters much.
I stepped through the doors at five o'clock sharp and Doctor Crandler looked up excitedly. “Prompt as always! I remember that from my classes. You were always early, and I like a student who is punctual. Come this way and let me show you what I’m working on. Before we start out though,” he set a Non Disclosure Agreement in front of me and I looked over it before signing my name to it. It was pretty standard stuff. Don’t talk about what you see, don’t talk about what I’m working on, don’t tell the media, don’t post it on the internet (guess I messed that part up), yada yada yada. After that, he tossed a black hood onto the table and told me to put it on.
I hesitated, not having asked him anything about what we were doing yet.
“You’re, uh, not gonna experiment on me, right Doc?”
He laughed, but it didn't sound particularly merry.
“No no, my boy. I would never experiment on you. I have specific parameters and I'm afraid you just don't meet them.”
I wasn't sure whether to be glad or insulted, but I put the hood on either way. He led me through a door, down some stairs, outside, back inside, and then down more stairs. Finally, we came to our destination, and when he took the hood off, I was in a little room about the size of your average dorm room. Inside was a table, a chair, and a glass jar with something floating inside. It was roughly the size of a spud, though if it was a potato it was one of those big ole Idaho job. I'd say it was about two feet tall, maybe half a foot wide, and it just sort of floated there placidly.
“This is your job.” Doctor C said, pointing to the jar.
“What? Just watch this thing? Easy peasy!” I said, not yet understanding what I was agreeing to.
“Just watch it till I get here to relieve you. Be careful, it's very tricky. It may try to get you to let it go. Do Not let it go under ANY circumstances. For that, I'll pay you two hundred dollars a night.”
I put out a hand, being a man who signs deals with a shake, and Doctor C pumped my arm one good time before saying he was going to leave now.
“I'm going to lock you in. If you have to urinate, there's a bucket in the corner. There are snacks and water in the mini fridge over there, though I would prefer it if you don't take your eyes off that jar.
I started to protest about having to wizz in a bucket, but I just nodded and told him not to worry about it. A deal was a deal, as my old man liked to say, and when he left, I heard the door lock behind him. So, I settled in and took out my phone as I surfed Reddit. I kept an eye on the jar, looking up about every thirty seconds, but mostly I just sat there and tried not to fall asleep. That was the hardest part. It was so boring, just sitting there for ten to twelve hours, and I made a mental sticky to bring coffee tomorrow. Doc had some snacks in his fridge, but Kale chips and pita chips with hummus are not what a man desires when he's trying not to zonk out.
The weird little thing in the jar didn't help much either. It was boring. All it did was float there, but I guess thats not quite true. Sometimes I would look up and find it looking at me, its weird brown body seeming to watch me. It couldn't really be doing that, since it didn't have eyes, but I still felt very seen as I sat there on my phone. I made a note to bring a charger too, but luckily it lasted till the doc came back, and he smiled as he handed me my two hundred dollars in cash at the end of the shift.
“Do you feel anything? Any headaches or nausea?” he asked.
I told him I didn't and he invited me to come back tomorrow night.
I told him for sure, and left two hundred bones the richer.
I kept watching the little science project for the next week and ended with an extra fourteen hundred bucks in my pocket. I agreed to do it seven nights a week, and as spring began, the nights got a little shorter too. Soon the sun was going down closer to eight, and I didn't have to show up till seven thirty or eight o'clock. Getting a couple of hundred bucks for ten hours of work was boss, and I got a lot of Raid Shadow Legends played and Reddit scoped while I sat there and collected mulla for sitting on ass.
When I arrived Tuesday of the next week, however, something had changed in my little potato cash cow.
The thing had an ear.
Doc sat me down and as the hood came off, he asked if I noticed anything different about the little blob. I looked at it critically, but couldn't really see anything different. Doc didn't really like this answer, and told me to look harder. After a few minutes of coming up with nothing, he sighed in exasperation and pointed.
“It has acquired an auditory openings for vocal registration.”
The look I gave him must have told him all he needed, because he just shook his head and tapped the tank.
“It has an ear hole.” he said, and I finally got it.
After some looking, I realized what he was talking about and he seemed pretty proud of himself.
“We've been working with chemical stimuli and had a breakthrough when it finally developed some form of communication peripheral.”
“How do you know it can hear you?”
It was his turn to look puzzled, until I pointed out that it didn't have any way to let them know if it could hear them.
“Well, it kind of wiggles around when we talk to it or play music. It hadn't done that much before, so we think it must be able to hear us.”
He left after that, and I made sure to turn the volume up on my videos so the little dude, or dudette, could listen too. It definitely bounced around a little, dancing in the water a bit as it moved around in its glass tank. I thought it was a little funny, and turned the volume way up as it wiggled and wobbled.
By the end of the week, it had two ear holes and some little baby ears to go with them. The Doc told me to take a week off after that, saying they had some experiments to run on the little thing, and I told him to call me back when he needed me. I took some time and spent a little of my money paying bills and settling debts. By the end of the week, I was praying for a call from Doc C, and Sunday night, he obliged.
“I could use a set of eyes next week, if you're free.”
I told him I'd be there, and pumped my fist in excitement. When he took the hood off monday, he was rewarded by a “whoa” of interest from yours truly. The little sucker had a toothless mouth that it seemed to be opening and closing like a fish out of water.
“I came in Sunday to find that it had grown it. It's pretty interesting stuff,” Doctor C told me, “Has it spoken to you before tonight? Some of my assistants claim it has spoken to them by way of telekinesis, but you don't seem to have suffered from any of the symptoms they've talked about.”
“Thankfully not, Doc. All the little guy does is float and make me money.”
Doc C nodded, looking thoughtful before leaving and locking me in for the night.
I had just brought my phone out to start scrolling Reddit for the night, when I heard a muffled voice from somewhere. I looked up, thinking someone was outside the door, but the door was solid wood. I looked at my phone to make sure I wasn't accidentally butt dialing someone, but thats when I heard the slight tap from in front of me. I looked up to see the little potato thing as it bumped the glass with its body, its toothless mouth forming words from behind its prison.
“Hello? Are you there?” it asked, its words muffled by the water and the glass.
I looked at it, not sure if it could even hear me when I responded, but when it floated back a little, I guessed it probably could.
“Hello, you sound different than the good doctor or his friends. Are you someone new?”
“Not really,” I said, half laughing, “I've actually been here watching you for a couple weeks.”
“Oh,” it said, very interested, “You must be the one I couldn't reach. I'm glad we can finally speak properly.”
I sat my phone down, leaning in a little closer as I watched the little brown thing float in the off color water that held it.
“What do you mean? You only just got a mouth.”
“Yes, well, there are more ways than one to communicate, aren't there? I've been trying to touch your mind for weeks, but you don't seem overly receptive to my advances. Thus, I had to find alternative means of communication if we were to speak.”
Its voice, despite being muffled by the glass, was very smart sounding. Little dude was the smartest floating potato I had ever met, though the list was just him for the moment. He sounded like the doc a little. He used a lot of big words, and sounded like he knew a lot of stuff. I put my face a little closer to the glass as I looked at him, watching him float there, and wondering what he might know?
We talked a lot that night. Well, I talked a lot. The little just kind of floated and listed, throwing something out every now and again. He wanted to know where he was, how he had come to be in a fishbowl, and what the Doc intended to do with him? I didn't know most of these things, and I told him that. He didn't seem too thrilled with that answer, but he still kept talking to me. He asked about me and what I was studying and what sort of things I liked to do. I didn't pick up my phone much that night. Instead, I told the little guy about myself and we talked for hours about nothing in particular.
The clock said it was about four am when the subject finally turned to what he really wanted.
I wish now that we had just kept talking about me.
“So, despite the fact that you cant leave this place, you could still take me out of this tank, right?”
I snorted, “Why would you want to? It's really not much better out here than in there.”
“True, but I would very much like to experience life outside my bowl. I lack hands or I would do it myself, but you could help me out.”
“Sorry, little dude,” I said, and I found that I was kinda sorry, “you're a good hang, but I promised the Doc that I wouldn't take you out. I think it was one of those papers I had to sign to get this job.”
“No one has to know,” it said, its voice kind of sneaky as it pressed its brown side against the glass, “you could take me out for just a second and then put me right back in.”
“No,” I said, looking at the door like I'd been doing something wrong, “I...I really shouldn't.”
“Please,” it begged, “You have no idea what its like to live in your own filth. Now that I have a mouth, I can constantly taste the stagnant water I live in. It's pure hell.”
“Dude, stop it. That's not cool. You know I can't take you out, I told Doc I,” but then it did the last thing I would have expected.
It started to cry.
I don't mean it was pretending to cry, the thing started loosing these tortured sounds that made me think of someone going through a bad break up. It sounded super hopeless, and it began to bump it's body against the side of the tank. I picked up my phone and tried to ignore it, but its hard listening to something just cry and cry like that. I had a room mate once who just kinda gave up after his girlfriend dumped him and he just lay on his bed and cried until his parents finally came to get him. I never saw ole dude again, but I can still hear his sobs sometimes when I close my eyes.
It was heartbreaking, and infuriating, and I wanted to console him as much as I wanted him to shut the hell up.
“Please! Please just let me out! I can't stand this anymore! I need to get out! I need to get out! I NEED TO GET OUT!”
It yelled and screamed and begged and cried for another hour and a half, and when the key turned in the lock, I was never happier to see the Doc.
Doc C looked at the little creature in the jar and asked me what had happened?
“Nothin,” I said, “It started talking after you left and then when I wouldn't let it out, it started screaming and crying.”
Far from being angry or disturbed, Doc C seemed amazed. He started studying the thing through the glass, before I reminded him that I was done for the night and needed to leave. He pulled himself away begrudgingly before handing me my money and putting the sack back over my head. I found an extra hundred in the pile that night, for my suffering I supposed, and thought about not coming back that night. The blubbering and crying had been a lot to handle, but I couldn't deny that the money was good and it was helping me pay down a lot of my outstanding debts. Another month of this, and my rent would be paid for the next year. Another two months and my credit card would be paid and I could afford that new flat screen for the living room. The things wailing had been a lot to handle, but what was a little more next to financial freedom?
I made sure to pick up some earplugs before I came back the following night and that's how I spent my next week.
In that week, the little creature grew an eye and four small fingers, two on each side of its body.
The night I arrived to find it had an eye, it told me all night how I looked like a kind person, and how it didn't understand how I could just sit here and watch it suffer. The earplugs helped a little, but it seemed like I could still hear it through the plugs. It would start out trying to talk to me, trying to flatter me, trying to reason with me, but we would always end up with it crying and me trying to ignore it. It became harder and harder as time went on, and every night seemed to be a battle to not open the tank and let it out or to just flip the table and smash its tank into a thousand pieces. In the end, it always came down to the money and I always managed to stop myself from doing something stupid.
It was a Tuesday when something I hadn't considered happened.
Tuesday night started out just like any other. Doc C brought me into the room, took off the hood, and there sat the little creature in its glass prison. It smiled at me, and I could see a couple of teeth breaking the gums. It had six fingers now and they made it look a little like a bug as they wiggled energetically. It still had only the one eye, but the beginnings of a nose had started to form under it. It was a repugnant little thing, and as the Doc left and I settled in, I kept my mind on the money, reminding myself that I just had to power through tonight.
It would be over in ten hours and I could go back to my room and sleep.
It spent the next ten hours talking, pleading, crying, and trying everything it could to gain its freedom. Well, that's not quite true. It never tried to threaten me. It probably realized that such a thing would have been pointless. It could no more have hurt me than my two year old nephew could and had decided on a different gambit. When it started its piercing wailing again, I popped the ear plugs in and shut most of it out. The plugs tuned the thing down to about a two, and made it easier to ignore. I was just thinking that I might treat myself to some really nice noise canceling headphones and forgo the tv for another week, when I saw someone familiar in a piece of Reddit News.
I almost dropped the phone as I read over the article, not sure what to make of it.
“Doctor Joseph Crandler arrested after trying to buy biological materials from an undercover agent.”
The picture showed Doc C looking very unhappy as he was led away in cuffs. He was wearing the same clothes I had seen him leave in the night before, and the article that followed didn't cheer me up. He had been buying materials from his experiments from some disreputable people, and finally he had put his trust in the wrong one, or maybe the right one, I guess. The agent had arrested him and they were holding him for questioning. I felt a cold chill as I looked over at the little freak in the tank. Was this the sort of experiment he'd been buying materials for? I had never thought to question if this thing was something the college had sanctioned or not, and now I realized that I might be part of an illegal experiment. They'd be coming for me next, me and this thing, and they'd assume I was the Egor to his Doctor Frankfurter or whatever.
As the creature wailed and thrashed, my brain started putting blocks together that it should have a few minutes ago.
My biggest problem wasn't that they would think I was involved, it was that if they didn't come and the Doc didn't come, then I would have no way out of here.
I was trapped with this little crying dude for god knew how long.
I thought about calling for help, but that could be bad too. What if they thought I was part of this? I'd have a hard time convincing them that I had nothing to do with this when they found me with the evidence. What's more, all the Doc had to say was that I was his assistant, that he had paid me, and I'd be in the same prison chow line as him. I started looking around the room for escape routes, but there was nothing but the very locked door. The little creature kept asking what was happening, but I just kept ignoring him. There were no windows, no other doors, not even a vent to squeeze into, like in the movies. All the while, the creature wailed and pleaded to be released. It knew something was wrong, and it wanted to be set free. It could help me, it could get me out of here, it could do anything as long as I would take it out of the tank.
After searching the little room again and again, I finally just sat and tried not to go crazy.
My phone will make calls, but I have no idea how to tell anyone to find me or even if they could. I tried to explain to the police what was happening, I even mentioned Doctor C, but I think the dispatcher thought I was high. They started hanging up on me when I called back, and if they trace my number, all their going to find is my dorm room, which is empty. Luckily, I have a charger on me, so I can keep calling out and trying to get someone to help me.
I checked the fridge, and there's enough bottled water and snacks in there to last for three or four days. Less if I feed this little bastard, but I'm not even sure what he eats. I've never been given any feeding instructions for him, and I'm not going to waste my food on this squalling thing. I threw a tarp over him, but it isn't doing anything to dull the screaming. It sounds like he might have grown more mouths because I can hear his shrill little voice from every angle as it bounces off the wall.
One things for sure, if it doesn't stop screaming soon, I'm going to give him some kind of release.
If it goes on much longer, I'm going to wrench the lid off that tank and stomp the life out of him.
If someone doesn’t come soon, I’m going to release him from his suffering forever.