To me it seems the word is overused by blacks to the point that its just ridiculous. I grew up in a city where white kids said ir all the time but it was never in a derogatory manner. I’m not trying to be controversial or offend anybody here, but we all know their is a big difference between “ni*ga, and the hard er. I don’t see the issue if it’s used the same way blacks use it. So my question is why is it offensive if the person using it doesn’t mean it to be

I don't think he uses this, so yeah. This probably won't get much attention either way. But i just want to get this off my chest. So this is pretty much what the title says. I've been in a relationship for a year and 3 months.
So for starters, this was an online relationship, but the way we act, it didn't seem like it. There was times where we would've met up, or at least that's what he said. Like, he would've already got a flight, but we would have arguments with each other then he would cancel it. Or that he was afraid or that i didn't want to see him, or something. So many excuses, but, he never told me anything about coming over, he would only tell me last minute.
Saying he already cancelled the flight. Then i would beg him, I would ask him why'd he did that. Honestly though? I would've loved to meet face to face. I love him so much, I still can't get over him.
But it's already been a month, he started to ignore me now. I think he has someone else. He hasn't answered any of my texts, which i understand. I was the one to end it though, but now i just really regret it. Supposedly there was a chance that he came over, then was at my house.
Which he found out by his friends, they figured it out. Then he just asked a stranger, if they knew the place. Which they did, then I don't know the rest. But supposedly I didn't want to see him. So he went back to his place.
I just hated the fact that i missed my chance to see him, or whatever. Anyways, some red flags from him was the fact that he asked his friend to find out everything about me. My phone number, email, location, etc etc without me saying anything about it, I would've told him my phone number if he asked. He even told me, and held it against me, saying i shouldn't leave him or he would do "something bad". That was barely a week into the relationship. I was worried but he was the first guy i started dating, so I stayed with him.
I ignored it all, we were happy together, we had some disagreements. I left him so many times. But after a day or two, I would ask for him back. And he agreed, we'd be together for a few days, happy, no fights. Then the cycle repeats.
Then he asked me to get rid of my friends. We had a disagreement. He said he trusted me, but he didn't trust my friends. He said since all of my friends were guys, all they wanted, was to be with me. Some did, some didn't, but I didn't want them, I just wanted him.
He said he still didn't like it. We also had fights about religion. He's a Muslim, I'm a Christian. He said that we couldn't be together like marriage wise, since I'm not a Muslim. He said that his mom didnt accept me, i understood that.
So I said I would be a Muslim, honestly, I didn't even think that hard about it. So when it came up, and the fact that i was still a Christian, he was upset. I didn't make any progress for the whole time we dated. I closed myself off from the religion of Islam, since he was forcing me. Barely now, I've been more into Islam, i think it's partially for me, partially for him.
I accepted it as my religion, I just need to take my shahada at a masjid. I hope to do it within this year. I've memorized al-fatiha, I've memorized 3/4 verse from al-ikhlas, I've memorized some zikr. I honestly think I did it for him, just for him to praise me.
Some of it worked, like when we broke up for the last time. He said something along the lines of saying I can fuck any random guy now. Then i told him that I was saving till marriage, then he said "good Muslim". It made me so happy. So i think that's why I've tried to learn more about Islam.
But it's also because I wanna be close to Allah. I've heard so many wonderful things about islam. Plus i think I just want to have hope in something. Since right now I just feel like my whole life is ruined. I know, I know, I'm dramatic, but he was my first.
I'm even trying to do Ramadan, so I'm fasting right now. I pray whenever I'm sad about my ex. But I do want to start praying for everything. I've asked Allah for him back, but I know we weren't good together so I should stop, but I can't get over him. So I'm still trying to get him back.
Anyways, back to the the reason we fought so much. Maybe 2-4 months back, he met this guy, they became friends. We'll call his friend "John". At first i was okay with John. I loved the fact that my sweetheart was spending time with people.
And that gave me a chance to hang out with some old friends too. But later, he picked John over me, I told him to choose between John or me. He said neither, he said that was his only friend, so he wasn't going to get rid of him. But that he didn't want to lose me. So, I despised John so much, since it was only me and my ex for the longest time.
We both didn't spend time with friends for the year, then he was mentioning whether he can make more friends. I was okay with it, but how much I despise my choices. The fact that he befriended someone and hung out with him more and more, as days pass. Less and less time for us to be together, and my ex knew I hated john. I'm pretty sure John knew I didn't like him, by the way i acted.
But he said he wasn't gonna unfriend him, since that was the only person he talked to, besides me. Then soon, we fought more and more and it was always about John. And so we broke up, for the final time, since he picked John over me, he neglected me just to spend time with him. But now that it's been a month, more time by myself. I feel like I'm at rock bottom.
I've even dyed my hair the color he wanted. Now that's always a reminder of the time we spent together. I'm still obsessed with him, I stalk him to see what he's been up to. Then i see he's been hanging out with a new girl. But whenever i ask, he leave me on read.

Very long story short.
A couple months ago after getting some investment advice online, I tried to pay by card to a cryptocurrency platform without much research. The payments we’re cancelled by my bank.
I had to call the banks fraud team to get the card unblocked. I asked why the transactions had been blocked, and the guy told me there was no reason, we then started speaking about what I was trying to purchase and he goes onto tell me he’s invested into crypto, he also holds certain coins etc. this made me think what was doing is 100% the right choice as even the banks staff are speaking about it. I then paid through a different method, by bank transferring the money instead as I had more confidence in the process. This was the largest transaction I have ever done on my bank account which I’m made aware should have also alerted the bank, but nothing, it all went through as expected.
Fast forward, everything was going okay, investment value dropped around 20% which was not surprising and I knew there was a risk of this. After joining a discord server and following their advice/instructions I was pretty much scammed out of most of my crypto on the exchange due to various things. I contacted the bank for them to chase my money with the platform, where I was told here that the bank has a 0 tolerance for crypto as it’s unregulated and consumer money is not protected etc and that I ‘shouldn’t have done it in the first place it’s cryptooo people get scammed all the time’. this was the first I heard of the banks stance on things since the conversation with the fraud team a couple months back gave me the impression that even employees of the bank are investing so it must be safe.
Where do I stand with this? The bank keep phone recordings so the conversation has to be somewhere. They have a duty to protect me and I believe what I was told in hindsight, should have been explained in that first call, and I wouldn’t have risked my money.
Should the bank pay me back? Where do I stand legally?
Any advice is appreciated
Based in UK.
Lost around £7000.

I'll cut straight to question as you might find the following abit of a novel or tl:Dr material banging on aboot my 99 probs!!
How do I live with this crazy polish goldigger kardashian wanabe I naively got romantically attached too and keep it cival while she is here for the next month? Oh my days....
Chapter A
So, I basically moved into a new flat after jus recovered from being homeless smack head (2 years, I'm lucky I'm not doing time tbh!!) And things going peachy, very sauve flat. Marbles and everything. Then this new girl moves in "ooh she seems cool, bet Amaar crack tight onto her"
I act nice, shake her hand and all that jazz and don't even thibk about her as I thought she would be more into my bodybuilding flatmate (lol Amaar) every time she started talking to me, he came along. For someone built like arnie, it sure was kinda cringe. I jus smiled with my happy go lucky expression..
Now I was astonished when she knocked on my door and said "let's share spliff" now this polish lass really turns up the heat and is saying "we should take bath together" and "I think i picked the right room" cmon, let me get under your covers, I'm cold joshy...
Chapter B
So, I don't waste time and move in right in there (even amaar was like "jeez u move fast" This polish mystery was honestly thee best kisser, hands down I've eve had pleasure of embracing, the intamcy, the cuddling the oral everything was top notch. Like 10/10 Fucking like rabbits, smoking like wooks and eventually we were hooks wid each other..
I was dubious, but my penis turned into my brain and was lovestruck, especially someone soo good in the sack. Like the orgasm were fucking electric!!
Again, another uncomfortable notch stepped up imho, She mentioning about moving in together and if Ive put bump in her, we going to keep it!!! At the time I thought
"yer she like female me. Great genetics I could have child with her, it's fast but she immense"
Boy was I wrong, I do pray to buddah that I didn't make polish bubah wid monica....
Chapter C
Now, this is where the fairytale starts to crack and I'm desperately trying to pick up the peices in desperate bid to tape together the ended dream, having being the big brained bastard I am and clearly seeing those red flags with fireworks coming outta dem..
She starts having massive mood swings after like 5/6days and things started to feel uncomfortable, almost like I had to change my life story my agenda to fit her ruddy narrative, her selfish bubble. I was one always providing weed, buying food to cook (which she loved) putting petrol im her car. Then I get accused of doing nothing for her and being a bad bf. And when I bring her up on all attention I give her and always helping me emotionally/financially she responds with and I quote "yerr, but I give you pussy josh and fucking love it",
Funny that, she never complained when I had my tongue between her legs and ploughing her doggy and saying "omfg baaaaby"
Chapter D
Now the red flags mears have well turned into flying laser drone sharks with napalm and acid
Keeps saying, you never take me out and when I arrange to do someting. She would say oooh I'm too tired, let's jus habe a J and cuddle or work changed my schedule. Which frankly vexed me off. Why ask to be wined and dined and always cancel. And I want to do things, not sit n stoned
The straw that broke the camels back..
Chapter E
We end up goimg for a run down beach and she digging into me relentlessly, then apologising saying "I'm sorry I don't know why I'm having a go at you" while saying shit like if we gunna have kid together, you need to be 25k night porter role. You need to get your shit together
I honedtly like to think coming from severe crack smack homeless crafting meth head (while working in a casino same time) to clean, obtaining a flat, getting a sweeter job more money and getting fitter, while chasing my audio dream is preety darm close to shit got together
Chapter F
Now after our run, she saying you pissed me off, your on a sex ban. Cause I'm like "self care attractive, I'm a catch and let's be honest, your like shaking wid excitement wen u orgasm. If u don't want me Monica, someone eventually will"
Because I ask for my hoody back and baccy that she blagged, she shouts while going on her new date with a 50 year old bald man (fucking crease) "go suck a fuckking DICK, YOU PRICK"
As a bisexual man I wanted to say "well honey, I could show you how to give a correct handjob and not hurt your partner or put him off, maybe?"
Chapter G
But I held back.. .
All of the above was what unfolded over the last fortnight. We not on speaking terms and after saving her make up box on toilet floor from toilet overflowing, she didn't even, say thank ans I quote
"Your a sket josh, you mean nothing to mean, go fuck yourself. An absolute disaster. We brutally fighted. I almost thought she was going to hit me, Id never hot back or anyone for record. I got Buddhist roots in me, which I cherish alongside karma and law of attraction.
[honedtly you can tell she not the most smartest of people, especially a polish women who borrowed £3000 from old boss? to buy a Nissan micra 04 plate for £2200 which already has clutch problem 🤔]
So, Again reddit can you advice me
How do I live with this crazy polish goldigger and keep it cival while she is here for the next month? Oh my days....
Their is soo much more I could go into guys girls or anyone who even reads this
As you can see an absolute rollercoaster of emotion i have experienced, nor entirely asked to play out. Like, she did help me change for best. The struggle and heartbreak has helped me see a different light, I have confidence X3 and eager to get out there ans smooth talk some honest genuine lass withoit a fricking agenda.
In way I feel like she pissed of that I got more out of what we had than the financial luxury benefit she thought she was goong to experience!!??
Thankyou reddit, just telling my story and getting it off my back has helpede tremendously. Even if no one is really reading
God bless you all 🙏🔥💯🙏🔥💯🙏
P.s Reddit 4 life
(no matter how tencenty they get)

So I've (25, female) been talking to this woman (29) since middle of last year, we've worked together but we're from different departments. I'm into her, and I thought we got along great. We are good friends, so I told her how I felt and she agreed that we should try out dating. Which is good but difficult since we're long distance (she's in New York and I'm in UK). My work is also in NY, hence we managed to meet up a couple of times for work, and I thought both of those times were great, but understand it was a work function only for both of us, so we've only really revealed ourselves in texts and dms.
She told me she's never had a relationship before, and that she thinks she's on the asexual spectrum, which suits me fine because I'm demisexual, and I'm happy to support however I can. What doesn't sit well with me is that after everything we've shared, a week before I'm supposed to land in NY, she's told me that she's found everything overwhelming. The idea of dating, of talking, of everything. That she just wants to see what happens and to check the vibes next week. Which is also okay, but now I feel like I've told her everything, how I feel about philosophical and life things in general, things I haven't told other people, and she's told me that none of it matters and that she just caught up in the heat of the moment. It makes me feel like she's strung me along. People are allowed to change their minds. I just feel crushed by it all and no longer want to go.
She still fully expects to see me after that carbomb revelation, but as friends with the idea of perhaps more, so it's not completely off the table, but relationship anarchy should have been considered here and I should not have done the demi thing and put my heart and soul into this. Hence why I'm feeling butt hurt.
So I ask: Should I just cancel all the plans? Should I turn up as a friend? Should I do the movie thing where I turn up super glam and then leave alone and make it clear that she's hurt me and now no longer has a chance?
I feel like she's hurt me and the defense barrier of relationships and general has thickened and I'm inside the box again. I'm not sure what to do. Relationships and dating are not my forté. You can definitely tell that because I'm asking on reddit lol

I have a complex thyroid disease, two hospital conglomerates own every single insurance taking practice in a 50+ mile radius. I do not have any other options at different practices because all of the "different practices" still operate under the same conglomerate.
My current provider canceled our intake appointment same day and then switched it to telehealth without ever seeing me irl. That was months ago. She was informed my condition is complex and puts me in the ER a lot, the same conglomerate owns the ER. she switched my med dose to which I began having seizures, heart palpitations, and hr spikes up to 166 and counting (every time this happens it just gets higher)
This was not even with the full dose. When I explained this to her, she told me I need to take the full dose, fully ignoring the obvious signs of thyroid toxicity. I just tried to treat it on my own for months, but got blood work back that made no sense (t3 fine and t4 fine, 78 TSH and 255 cholesterol)
When I brought this up to the provider she just reiterated to take the full dose. This provider is very clearly not actually trying, I don't even think she's actually reading any of the messages I send her. If I take the full dose I will almost certainly have a heart attack. My hr goes to 166 on /half/
Despite my GP trying to help me, the office says they just don't allow switching once you are established (which is to say, you become 'established' after one single appointment it seems?), to discourage 'doctor shopping'. There was no medications involved where doctor shopping even makes sense, so I don't think this is the actual reason why.
Are they legally allowed to bar me from seeing ANYBODY ELSE in this practice of over 80+ practitioners when I feel unsafe with my current provider? My only other option is just to ignore her and keep trying to treat it on my own. Idk how bad a 250 cholesterol even actually is but it doesn't run in the family at all and GP doesn't want to treat it because it's a thyroid issue, so I'm not actually being given any options here.
What concerns me is that since the conglomerate also owns the ER, they're probably financially benefitting from shoving people to the side and forcing them to use the ER as their provider once things get too bad to realistically treat at home.
I want to call them and make this all work but as far as I know they're fully within their legal right to do this because these laws were not written with literal monopolies in mind.
Eta: location is NY

Priceline has a "Best Price Guarantee":
For Priceline VIP members only, if you find a better deal on the same hotel, including the same room type and dates, after booking a Priceline Express Deal®, you can apply for the Best Price Guarantee (BPG) to be refunded the difference in rates. You must activate the guarantee by midnight before the day you travel. Same day bookings are not eligible.
If submitting a claim online, you will need to provide the following supporting information. If contacting Customer Care, you need not provide any supporting documentation as long as we can verify the following information is the same:

• Hotel name
• Hotel address
• Check in/out dates
• Number of rooms and occupancy
• Room type
• Cancelation policy
• Billing information including summary of charges with taxes

If it all matches, Priceline will proceed with the BPG refund, which is 200% of the difference between your Express Deal booking and the better deal.
​
I booked an Express Deal. A week later, the hotel dropped its price on my dates and I submitted a price match request. I have received the following excuses for why they can't match:

• different room type (same room, but Priceline and the other 3rd party website had different nomenclatures)
• cancelation policy not listed on screen shot (it was)
• different cancelation policy (Priceline is nonrefundable while the other 3rd party website you could cancel)

​
Just wondering if anyone has ever been successful price matching or if this is just a marketing gimmick.

Was in an on-off relationship for a couple months. Most recent breakup seems to be final. I finally reached out to her in a drunken haze and was able to get her to agree to a date. She seemed to be excited for it and we agreed to take things super slow this time around.
Well anyway, she bailed after we were talking the past couple days. I truly didn’t expect her to agree to even attempting things again. I just don’t understand why she’d agree then bail before it even happened.
She removed me from all social media and I’m assuming blocked my number as well. I won’t be texting her again to find out. My last message went through and was just me acknowledging her cancellation and wishing her goodluck in everything.
Why do people act like this?
Total mindf^ck. If you want to try then let’s try just please don’t mislead me, it’s too much. She said she still had feelings and missed the way I loved her.
She’s definitely right and we should move on but why would you even lead me on like that
Frustrating
Just venting

It's hard to say without knowing the specific details of the situation you are referring to, but here are some possible reasons why a Kickstarter game development studio may not have released a product after receiving $600 million in funding over 10 years:
Scope Creep: The studio may have initially set out to develop a relatively small-scale game, but as they received more funding, they may have expanded the scope of the project significantly. This could lead to feature creep, which is when additional features are added to the game that weren't part of the original plan. As the scope of the project expands, it can become more complex and difficult to complete, resulting in delays and even project cancellation.
Mismanagement of Resources: The studio may have received a large amount of funding, but if they mismanaged those resources, they may not have been able to allocate them effectively. Poor project management, inadequate staffing, and inefficient use of time and resources can all lead to delays and decreased productivity.
Technical Difficulties: Developing a game is a complex process that involves many moving parts, and technical difficulties can arise at any stage of development. The studio may have encountered significant technical challenges that delayed the project, or they may have underestimated the time and resources required to complete certain technical tasks.
Legal and Financial Issues: The studio may have encountered legal or financial issues that delayed the project or even led to its cancellation. For example, they may have been involved in a legal dispute that took time and resources away from the development process, or they may have run into financial trouble that prevented them from continuing development.
Changing Industry Landscape: The gaming industry is constantly evolving, and what was popular 10 years ago may not be as relevant today. The studio may have had to change their plans and strategies as the industry landscape shifted, leading to delays and changes in direction.
In summary, there could be many reasons why a Kickstarter game development studio may not have released a product after receiving $600 million in funding over 10 years. It's essential to allocate resources effectively, manage the scope of the project, handle technical difficulties, and adapt to changes in the industry landscape to ensure the success of any game development project.

He compared me weirdly to Lena Dunham. So naisip ko, "sino yun?" Yung Lena na kilala ko, yung singer ng "I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me." Nung Ginnoogle ko, nalaman ko "ah feminist pala." Nauso ang feminism in my late 20's. 34 na ako now. Mind you, hindi niya in-explain why he compared me to that person. Lumabas kaninang morning sa newsfeed ko na maraming haters si Lena Dunham. Apparently, she was accused of molesting her own sibling. Sabi ko sa tao, mag sorry ka. How would you feel kung kinumpara kita kay R.Kelly? Sabi ng nambully sa akin, pa-woke daw ako. Susme.
Mas grabe pa nga ang sinasabi niya nung high school kami. A friend asked him, "may crush ka ba sa kanya?" Sabi ni guy, "Si ______? Ang gusto ko sa babae yung kakantot kantot! Eh sa hitsura niyang yun, sa palagay mo ba papatol ako dun?"
Fast foward this year, I look better than him na. I was slim, I was fat, I got fatter, I somehow lost weight. Paiba iba weight ko. My skin is a bit clear. I got rhinoplasty. Panget ng skin texture niya. I learned how to apply makeup. He looks disgusting.
To add: parehas kami maka Leni. Yun lang ang gusto ko sa kanya. Kaya lang, we're so different in many views. I don't like cancelling people. Siya etong mahilig mag cancel. Poser daw ang mga musician friends ko porke't they are not open when it comes to politics. Lakas ng loob magsabi na pa woke ako.
Masama ba mag ask ng apology? Nag apologize daw siya sa akin to inflate my ego. Puro move on, move on na lang ba tayo? I'm not perfect pero if ever I wronged someone and they asked for an apology, I would apologize in a heartbeat.

I picked up a stack for a customer which was going pretty far across town. But was decent pay for the time it would take.
I picked up the first items, went to the second location to pick those up and the person said someone else already picked up the order.
So now I had to jump to deliver the first pickup, then spend time with support to figure out if the customer actually received their order and then cancel my second order for half pay which made the trip barely worth it, and certainly not worth it thanks to the extra time cleaning up the mess.
Why would someone do that when they know it's not their order?

First Previous
The Legacy, currently transiting from Mars to Earth
20.5.2134 4:06 Solar-Date
Elisabeth watched the airlock close behind her before turning back towards Jackson and Pavel.
"Clear!" Jackson shouted over their coms.
Elisabeth locked out into the void, without the atmosphere and light pollution of Earth you could see all manner of stars illuminating the sky.
"DC reported that the engines are unresponsive, probably why we lost thrust. So, we’re heading there first." Elisabeth ordered the two.
They walked in the silence of space, the only sounds they heard were their breathing and their suits activating and deactivating their magnetic clamps in their boots as they moved. The gangway they were walking on was a metal grid about two meters wide.
Elisabeth looked forward the other two in front of her. Jacksons suit was a dark orange with grey mixed in between and black accents. Pavels suit was polar-white with blue accents, on the front plating a ring of stars was engraved on his suit. Elisabeth herself wore a light gray suit with some darker grays mixed in.
Every few steps one of the trio would look behind them to make sure no one could sneak up on them.
"Junction up ahead." Pavel said through their coms.
"Spartan take right, Pavel take left, I’ll watch center." Elisabeth responded.
The trio moved towards the four-way junction, slowly creeping towards the corners. When they reached them, Elisabeth waited a second before giving the signal.
They both peaked around the corners ready to shoot anything that moved. They both looked either way before giving the hand-gesture to continue.
Elisabeth rushed forwards to the other side. She continued checking both sides before the other two joined her and they continued walking down the walkway.
"Ok, I’ll take point from here." Elisabeth said before she walked past them, continuing to walk in the front of the pair.
"About 40 meters till we arrive at the back." Jackson called out.
"Captain. Hit on radar, about 2707 meters out above us. Width 14 meters, length 29 meters." Pavel announced.
"Copy Rookie, Spartan give us some cover." Elisabeth ordered.
Jackson kneeled training his rifle towards the end of the walkway before answering, "Copy."
"Ping it for me Rookie." Elisabeth asked, when an object was marked on her HUD, "Got it."
She zoomed in with her camera which was built into her suit, holding her weapon up ready to shoot.
"Well now we know what happened to the engines, the whole thruster-section’s been disconnected. Let's check the rest of the engines." Elisabeth said.
The three of them moved to the end of the walkway. Before them they could see the shaft too which the thrusters were once attached too. The end of the shaft was cut clean and visibly glowing red. To their right they saw one of the eight large ball tanks completely ripped open, the metal and polymers stretching outward into space.
"What the hell happened?" Pavel asked the group.
After a couple of minutes of silence Jackson finally spoke, "This isn’t normal."
"None of this is normal!" Pavel shouted.
"Look at the end-piece. It’s cut clean, as if cut with a knife. If we were hit by something like an asteroid or if a bomb exploded the shaft would be a lot more bent and there would a ton of shrapnel floating around." Jackson explained, "Not to mention the heat that’s radiating from that thing."
"Yes, something’s not adding up." Elisabeth turned back towards the direction they came from before turning on her radio, "Damage-Control, this is Marine 2. The engines have been cut off from the main superstructure and are now floating about 2873 meters out and increasing. Tank 7 has been blown out and depressurized."
There was a silence before the radio turned back on, "*static* This is Damage-Control, Marine 2 please repeat. Did you just say the engines have been cut off from the ship?"
"Affirmative, the distance between the ship and the engines are increasing at about 0,9 meters per second." Elisabeth reported back.
"Understood Marine 2, please continue with the visual inspection of the hull. Our Engineers should arrive shortly." Was heard through the teams’ radios.
The team continued checking the various areas of the engines while Elisabeth replied, "Understood Damage-Control, continuing visual inspection."
​
Sickbay was a mess as the Major entered the room, there were more people in the room than it was designed to handle. Blood was floating around freely, as the walls were lined with the wounded strapped to foldable beds.
One of the Doctors noticed him entering and headed towards him, "Put him down over here."
The Major laid Captain Levy onto the bed before strapping him down, while the Doctor checked the Captain. As he looked at his hurt friend, another Attendant floated towards him wanting to check for any injuries he had.
Major Smith waved him away, "No, no. I’m fine, got to get back to work."
The Attendant turned away muttering something about him being stubborn.
The Major floated towards one of the display panels to the side of the room reading through the preliminary damage reports, before turning around and heading out of the room to let the Doctors work unimpeded, "Legacy, you working again?"
The pitch varied chaotically as the speakers answered, 'aFfiRmaTivE MajOR smiTH.'
The Major raised an eyebrow at the response, "You okay Legacy?"
The speakers cut out before a very feminine voice answered, 'I’m sorry Major it appears that the electronics of the Ship have been damaged.'
The Major stopped before questioning the Legacy again, "Legacy you’re starting to creep me out, could you run a diagnostic of yourself for me?"
'I am working perfectly Major.' The voice replied.
The Major continued towards the control-room, passing multiple Engineers working on open panels inside the hallway, "Very well…"
He had other problems he had to deal with.
​
Nadja felt terrible, they had strapped themselves in after they had heard the announcement, but they weren't expecting what came next. Looking around she could see the others struggling after taking on the heavy g-forces. Sofiá had puked across the room, which now floated slowly in zero-g. Jīn seemed to be doing the best, slowly getting out of his seat and floating over to Robin who had gone limp.
After checking on the others Jīn came over to her. She looked up at him coughing while talking, "We need to get them- ack, we need to get them to Sickbay."
"Slow down there Nadja, you're not doing so well yourself." He answered weakly, gesturing to her Harness he continued, "Let me get you out of this first, then we'll take them over there."
​
The Major entered the control room, the doors automatically closing behind him, and strapped himself into the Captain’s chair.
Various crewmembers were busy coordinating and routing people to repair efforts.
He opened his terminal going down the list of his crew, he had thankfully only lost a very few from the crew, with most suffering light injuries. As he scrolled down to the end of the list he was taken aback, stopping at the section titled ‘civilian passengers’.
He scrolled through the list of 6 kids thinking about what he should do.
"Daniels, do you still have the telemetry for that Object?" The Major asked.
The room became quiet, with the crew looking at the two men.
"Certainly Sir." Daniels replied.
"How much time do we have before it catches up to us?" The Major asked with a dead pan voice.
Daniels looked at his display before hesitantly answering, "About fourteen hours Sir."
The Major sighed, "Legacy please broadcast me over the intercom."
'You are being broadcast Major Smith.' Legacy replied.
The Major looked around the room, "This is Major Oliver Smith, the Captain has currently been incapacitated which is why I am temporally taking control of this vessel." He stopped for a second, thinking about how to word his next sentence, "Some few of you already know this, but an extra solar object is currently on a collision course with us. After reviewing the damages and footage, we can clearly say that the object fired on us. They haven't completely destroyed us yet, which indicates they, whatever they are, wish to come close and personnel with us."
The Major looked over the list of damages before continuing, "The main engine has been sheared off completely. Shuttle two has been damaged beyond repair and we wouldn’t be able to get everyone off with both shuttles anyway.", he sighed, "I am going to be honest; it isn't looking good, I recommend you start writing messages to your family and friends."
He paused again, "All personnel are to start anti-boarding procedures and arm themselves in the armory. We will not let this ship be taken easily!"
"Sir, yes, Sir!", the astounding loud chorus of the bridge crew shouted back.
While the bridge personnel started working again with a fiery vigor, the Major brought up his communications terminal messaging Captain Santiego.
Getting a declination as a response the Major asked for certainty, with another refusal being sent as an answer.
He wrote his understanding before calling the head of engineering. The scruffy voice of Beatriz Aldo answered, "What is it?"
"I need you to do something for me.", Major Smith asked.
There was an audibly loud sigh before Beatriz replied, "Don't you already have everyone working on what you need?" "Yes, but this needs to happen on the down low.", He replied.
Beatriz paused before answering, "Fine. What do you need?"
​
The Pioneer, currently transiting from Mars to Earth 20.5.2134 4:57 Solar-Date
The Captain of the Pioneer was sleeping peacefully, when the lights suddenly turned on with full brightness, "Mhmm, Pioneer turn the lights off!"
'I am sorry Captain but your attention is required.' the speakers replied.
The Captain stood up and looked at the clock, "It's barely past five, what in god's name is so dammed important that you need to wake me?"
'We are receiving a distress call from the HIPT Legacy. They are in distress and need assistance.'
The Captain took a few moments to get awake before answering, "Okay, change course to match them and rendezvous."
'They have already sent a rendezvous plan; it does not include rendezvousing with the Legacy.'
​
Lunar-Command Control-room on Alpha-Station 20.5.2134 5:11 Solar-Date
Pr. Ming was pacing around the room unsure of what to do, the Military was on high alert since yesterday and all outgoing traffic in space had been cancelled.
"Are you sure that all entrances have been sealed?", Adm. Gupta asked.
"Positively Sir, if they're going to find the facilities it won't be because we left the doors open." The controller replied.
The two Admirals had been standing around the Controller talking with her about the different situations on the Moon and Earth.
Another Controller spoke up, "Sirs, Madam, Legacy just sent us another message."
Pr. Ming stopped in her tracks, turning and beelining for the man, "Show us, please."
From Legacy to Luna Command This is Major Oliver Smith, the Captain has been temporarily incapacitated. We have lost our engine. With the open act of hostility, it is safe to assume they aren't here to talk. I have ordered to prepare anti-boarding procedures as well as preparing shuttle 1 for departure. We are currently transporting 6 kids which I will send away with the shuttle, along with a few of my crew for the children's safety. The Shuttle won't be able to reach Earth even with the modifications I'm ordering, which is why I am requesting they be able to rendezvous with the nearest ship the ‘Pioneer’. I am preparing to defend this ship and its crew till the end and if I cannot, at least I will save them from something I don't even want to imagine.
I dearly hope it does not come to that. Signed Major Smith of the UNSC.
Attachments: rendezvous_maneuver ; personnel_messages_crew

Hi all! Soup_dumpling made an astrology post about the trainees. I got inspired to look into the trainee’s Human Design so here I am, sharing about those findings. The intention is see the trainees from the Human Design lens, maybe they correlate to what we see on Boys Planet. Of course, it may not be 100% accurate specially since we only see them from the screen. This is for fun so please take the information lightly.
I like to describe human design as similar to astrology but on steroids. The chart is also dependent on birthday and birthtime. It combines astrology, i-ching, mandala and other aspects together. It can be seen as a manual, which includes how you are in your daily life, your personality, decision-making process, certain skills, relationship dynamics and how you engage with your environment. A lot of people have referred to it as the permission slip to be you as opposed to the you that is dictated by your mind, society, upbringing or other people around you. It may seem woo-woo at first although; those that have applied the human design experiment in their life have found it to be practical.
Human design has a lot of layers and certain aspects are really dependent on the birth time to be accurate therefore, I’ll talk about the most general ones and other things that are really unique with their chart. Before that though, it is best to read about the 4 Human Design Types since I will be using this vocabulary later on. The types are categorized by aura and strategy. In the link below, I wrote a short description (or, tried my best to) of each type.

Human Design Types

Here is another link with additional info

Here is a site to input birth data to see a human design chart

Before I go into some detail of the trainees. I want to describe what the Incarnation Cross means first. Incarnation cross is the overall theme, broad purpose or a storyline of your life. This will show up time and time even if you are totally unconscious about it. There will also be variations of how it shows up whether you are in the learning or embodiment period of it.
P.S. The quote marks in the descriptions below are copy paste of the definition of terms and I've linked the website also.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sung Hanbin (chart:projector, chart:MG)

Projector or if he’s born after 2pm a Manifesting Generator (MG). This is a bit tricky to identify since I don’t have a lot of info regarding his energy level. If Hanbin has consistent energy level, he would fall under MG. If he tends to work in short bursts with lots of rest, he is a Projector. From what we saw in Mission 1 where he ended up getting the center position, that is a Projector strategy. In that case, Yedam, Hui and others recognize his skill and thus, gave him the invitation to take the center position.
Hanbin’s incarnation cross is Left Angle Cross of Confrontation.

This is energy to come from the outside and take control of what is rightfully yours. In society and business there will always be management or control that gets stagnate over time. This Cross is here to shake things up, usually from the outside. Like a corporate raider who comes in to optimize the pieces of a large business, this is energy to take control and lead to a more streamlined and profitable configuration. This is not just about government or business, this force will take hold in your personal life or community. The real drive here is power and control.

That first sentence totally aligns with him getting the center position right from the signal song and keeping Rank 1 until now! It won’t be a surprise if he does end up with Rank 1 all the way at the end. But then, the flipside is what this part actually means to him “what is rightfully yours”. Is it rank 1? Or, to be in the debut team? Or, something else?
​

Zhang Hao (chart)

Projector. His incarnation cross of is Right Angle Cross of Unexpected 2

You carry the energy that is likely to land you in a place of leadership rather unexpectedly. It will seem to come from nowhere - suddenly you are in the limelight, or at least holding things up. Be aware that you have this energy and at some point will be thrust into a lead role. Get ready to take on the responsibility for this is why you are here.

We totally saw Zhang Hao suddenly being in limelight during the Tomboy performance! After that performance, people are recognizing his skill and thus is a success in regards with the projector strategy of waiting for the invitation/recognition. Now, I wonder what other unexpected limelight or leadership we’ll see Zhang Hao experience.
​

Lee Hoetaek (chart)

Projector. He only has one channel: Channel 16-48, The wavelength

Here we bring the intuitive expression of logic to the throat. Notice, again that this channel has no direct access to energy. That means that talent and mastery have to be recognized by others when the timing is right. Talent is expressed through practice over time but talent also struggles for resources and money because it has to be seen to be supported. The arts are always hungry for money and support. This is why shows and exhibitions are important for artists of all types. They have to be seen. This channel represents the intuitive expression of talent blended together with repetition over time. Talent is raw and undeveloped without practice. Everyone has some kind of talent. The question is are you willing to practice to become a master? Mastery happens over time. The energy for enthusiasm and depth is contained in this channel. There is right timing in this channel. Do not express the depth with enthusiasm until you are ready...you have practiced and achieved mastery...otherwise you look silly.

That channel description totally makes sense why Hui chose to be in the show! He needs to be in a place where he can show his talents and skills to gain support. The tricky part is his fans are divisive whether to vote him to debut or not. This makes sense with him being a projector. Projectors experience success when there is an invitation or recognition. If the fans cannot make up their mind whether to actually recognize that Hui wants to debut will be the factor that can truly affect him and hence, why there’s a lot of resistance with him being in the show. If we’re truly looking at his human design aspects, it doesn’t matter if Hui is old or not. Him only having one channel in his chart means that is his consistent way of energy or being. In that aspect, he is meant to be in places where he can showcase his talent.
Hui’s incarnation cross is Left Angle Cross of Spirit 2 (link: https://humandesign.tools/incarnation-crosses/the-left-angle-cross-of-spirit-2 ) Hmmm… I don’t have much to say… but I wouldn’t be surprised if Hui has experienced various heartbreaks in his life whether if its relationship, career or other areas.
​

Park Gunwook (chart)

Generator. Something unique about his chart is he can either have 6/7 or all 7 gates in his spleen center defined (if born after 8pm)! Spleen center is about survival, intuition and instincts. Having this defined and having a lot of gates present means that he can be very instinctive and intuitive. He has the ability to act in the moment depending on what his senses picks up and how it’s in alignment with his well being. The key here is to be able to pay attention and listen to those instincts. This type of messages only come in the moment and doesn’t linger long. I do think this is why he was able to come up with the KTL plan rather quickly. Additionally, he did have some keen sense on going to Tomboy. (Surprisingly that wasn’t only to his benefit but in a way had a butterfly effect on Woongki… I know Woongki’s experience was sooo challenging but heyyy, maybe that ended up helping Woongki to stick around longer.)
Gunwook’s incarnation cross is the Left Angle Cross of Cycles.

Your design has very powerful, transformational energy to get things done. Your Cross is tied to the cycles that all life experiences. You understand that everything is born and then dies and is then born again. You have an innate sense about the cyclical process. Things are always changing, becoming better and better through the cyclical process of maturation. Your energy is part of this process, so it is most likely your education and career will cycle too. It is not likely you will stay in the same job for 25 years, unless that job can evolve and change with time. You are here to be a master of the maturation process.

When I read that, it kind of made sense to me as to how Gunwook didn’t end up debuting in Wild Idol. I can see that as part of his maturation process and have helped him to be confident with his skills now. (Truly hoping he debuts this time!) I can also see how there's timing for everything in life. Similarly, there’s a cycle of how he was portrayed as intimidating and scary in the first few eps and then now, everyone can see his babygiant self! Anyways, his incarnation cross probably wouldn’t be fully developed or seen fully until later on as he grows older.
His incarnation cross actually makes up two channels (which is not common) so I’ll highlight them here. Channel 32-54: Transformation and Channel 42-53: Maturation From those two channels, we can tell that Gunwook has energy to be ambitious and the sense of knowing if that goal has the support of others. When he enters a project, he has the energy to stay there until completion. He learns by living those experiences and can look back on the lessons when they’re complete. We have definitely seen his ambitious and goal oriented side with KTL!

Seok Matthew (chart)

Manifesting Generator (MG)
MGs have a tendency to multi-task or jump from one thing and to another rather quickly. I totally see this aspect when he was leading Love Killa team abruptly going from choreo then to the singing. Since the strategy of MG is to respond then, visualize then, inform, it may have been better if he informed his team members way earlier that they would work on choreo from this time to this time and then, move on to singing. The type of informing and giving space to others is really important for MGs so that they experience the least resistance in a team environment.
Matthew’s incarnation cross is Right Angle Cross of Planning 2 Errr... hmmm... I don’t really have much to say about that.

Kim Taerae (chart)

Reflector (most likely... there’s only a 2 hour window (after 10pm) that can make him a projector.)With that being said, let’s talk about Taerae as a Reflector. If he’s a reflector that means he is one of a kind unicorn! There are not a lot of them out there comparing to the other human design types. As a reflector, this kinda make sense with him not having a lot of screen time. Reflectors can be chameleons and can blend in the environment. At the same time, he can magnify energy and be a mirror. So hey, he’s still catching people’s attention that way ;)
Generally speaking, for the reflectors that aren’t too shy, they can actually be good actors since they can sample different type of energies well. Some also have the ability to be able to take on different styles of expression with their voices. Depending on who they’re with they also have a tendency to mimic their way of speaking or even certain habits. We did see Taerae be able to adjust the way he was singing in Man in Love after the mentor suggestion.
Reflector’s signature is surprise. Simplistically, Taerae can experience surprise in life if he's in correct alignment. On a complex note, reflectors has the capability to surprise others. Most of us have experienced surprise seeing Taerae’s Man in Love performance ;)
(I'm a reflector so here's some additional info) Again, generally speaking since we don't see this aspects from the show. It’s amazing to see a reflector in a survival show because it can be both a blessing and a curse. Being in that environment can make Taerae experience various activations. He may feel a lot of energy being around others, which is a great thing and can help with inspiration and motivation. The worse case scenario is experiencing overwhelm from a lot of energies around him. Or, when the show ends and when he has more alone time, that’s when he’ll notice the difference in his energy level. He may even feel he doesn't have much energy to do things. Luckily, he hasn’t been in a team that got really stressful or experienced a lot of conflict since those types of energy can truly affect reflectors in a way that they can embody that energy. At times, this may make reflectors feel confused that it’s their own emotion but in reality, it’s the energy around them.
Taerae's incarnation cross is Right Angle Cross of Maya 2

You have the great ability to discover and remember small details. These details will be important in your life and you will be driven to share them with others. Remember, they may not always want to hear all the agonizing detail. Your gift can be very useful and a great contribution to a profession or organization that requires someone who pays great attention to details.

We did see a glimpse of that with Taerae assisting Mingyu with lowering his singing voice and how he expressed some small details in his suggestion.

Han Yujin (chart)

Generator. His incarnation cross is Right Angle Cross of the Vessel of Love 2
This is actually my incarnation cross but on the flipped since I was born during autumn equinox whereas, Yujin is during spring equinox. Here's more info than from the link above.
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t drawn to Yujin at first but learning he’s a vessel of love makes me have a softer heart for him. Since Yujin is still young he is still in the learning process of his incarnation cross and how to embody it. Throughout his life, he may experience pain, hurt, shock in life, which is the catalyst to direct him to accept and love himself. The most important thing is to not let the pain harden him but to learn to love all parts of what makes him, him and keep that purity and innocence alive. This is the type of unconditional and transcendent love. When someone has fully embodied this frequency of the vessel of love, their presence alone can be very healing to others. In the future, I won't be surprised if Yujin’s performance and anything he ends up making song wise would feel very healing to others. Now, if he ends up in the debut group or wherever he may end up in life, if he’s able to embody the vessel of love, he can help his team members to love and accept themselves just as they are.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That was a lot, haha! I'm curious to hear what you think of reading this type of information about the trainees?
Also, thank you for reading! Human design is one thing that I can get really excited about and go total geek over it! I’m going to end this for now and continue another time with the rest of the top ranking trainees. I'll shoot to share about the Top 12-15 and probably post on the comments below.
Edited: added link of photos of their human design chart

"Why won't you come with me?" Andrea's voice whined down the phone in the tone she always adopted when she wasn't getting her way. "C'mon… please? Everyone else is busy..."
"I already told you, I'm not going back to another one of your shitty dive clubs. Remember last time when I nearly got my eye gouged out in the moshpit? I had to take a week off work."
"So what if you got your bell rung for the first time, you really want to die without any scars? Besides, do you have any idea how hard it was to get these tickets? I had to pay some random street guy double just to get us in the door."
"Well, what's the big deal about this place, then? Why's it so exclusive?"
"Suck Shaft."
"What?"
"Suck Shaft, they're opening. Headliner's some local hick but everyone's going to see Suck Shaft, it's their first gig in like ten years or something. How in the fuck have you never heard of Suck Shaft?"
"Andrea, can you please stop saying 'Suck Shaft' for a minute… let me think…"
"Look, are you coming or not? We'll be in and out in two hours, Tom, I promise. You'll be no worse off for work tomorrow, might even have something interesting to say around the water cooler, ay?"
"Fine... As long as we're only staying for the opener."
"Great! Pick me up at six."
beep
I pulled up outside Andrea's house to find her sitting impatiently on the doorstep and she eagerly bounded over and hopped inside.
"Are you as excited as I am?!" She asked giddily, looking at me with her make-up-caked face. She presented two little white tickets and passed one over. "This is gonna be a night to remember!"
"Yeah, whatever… Two hours, then I'm going home, so don't fuck around, okay?" I put the car in gear and departed from the pavement. "I mean it, Andrea. I can't mess up with this job right now."
"Jeeeez, you're such a stick in the mud…" She groaned dramatically as her eyes rolled back into her head.
As we drove slowly down the decrepit street which was home to the run-down venue I was immediately shocked at just how busy it really was. A swarm of patrons all waiting to get inside mobbed the sidewalk and spilled over into the street. After a tedious fifteen minutes of creeping around, I eventually managed to squeeze the car into a tiny space two streets over.
It was freezing but I gave Andrea my jacket anyway after catching a few passive aggressive 'brrrrr's' as we walked side-by-side to the club.
"Why didn't you just bring your own coat?"
"Well, I didn't know we'd have to park like a hundred fucking miles away, did I?"
"What if it's cold inside? You consider that one, genius?"
"We won't be cold for very long," She shot me a sly wink as she dug into her back pocket and held up a baggie containing two tiny pills stamped with a smiling alien. "Roll with me?"
I looked into her big green pleading puppy dog eyes and found myself unable to say no. That and it had been a while since I'd gotten my hands on some decent ecstasy. Andrea always got good X.
"I'll take half. Remember I still have to get us both home in one piece after this." I said in a defeated voice, but secretly I was excited for the first time that day.
"Yay!" Andrea hopped up and clicked the heels of her Nikes at me. "This is gonna be great!"
She pulled the bag open and bit half a pill, handing me the other half. Then, without any hesitation, she slammed the other full one down too before flashing her tongue at me the way I imagine they make the patients do at mental hospitals after med time.
"For fuck's sake, Andrea. Really? You said two hours. In two hours' time you're gonna be completely gone, I'll probably have to carry you through the dance floor, prise your fingers off the stage just to get you out the door with me."
"A promise is a promise." She booped my nose condescendingly the way you might a small child. I always hated when she did that, endearing as it was. "When it's over, it's over. I won't hold you back."
"I hope not." I'd gotten the pill down quickly, but that bitter taste still permeated the surface of my tongue and a little at the back of my throat. "I really hope not..."
We rounded the corner and joined the back of the line and found ourselves relieved that it was moving relatively quickly. I stood on my toes and got a decent look at the action up front. The bouncer wasn't even really checking the tickets, just a nod in acknowledgement at whatever random white paper was being presented. This prompted me to check the one in my pocket.
It was riddled with typos. I held it up to Andrea and she looked at me as if I was from Mars.
"What?"
"You paid double for fake tickets?"
"Yeah, so what? They'll get us in, won't they?"
"Jesus, Andrea. I swear, two hours and then we're leaving. Okay? This is gonna be a nightmare to get away from, look how busy this fucking street is, it's all because of these fake ticket scalping fucks..."
The ecstasy had begun to take effect and I couldn't help but feel a little shame for just how hard my half a pill was already kicking my ass. I looked over at Andrea for the first time since we'd joined the queue, of which was quickly packed behind us as we gradually approached the front, boxing us in. She was chewing voraciously at her bottom lip. I put my arm around her shoulder reassuringly and she turned to me with her big wobbly pupils. The vibrant green of her irises almost obscured by them.
"We will get in, right? Won't we?" She asked with a sort of desperation that I understood. I'd had a 'bad' X trip before when my plans got cancelled and I'd taken too much, ended up milling around my apartment hugging pillows and gnawing at my toothbrush. I pictured Andrea disappointedly sitting on her couch while she ferociously stroked her cat with hardstyle blasting through her TV speakers.
"Yeah, I think we'll get in. Don't worry." She pulled me closer to her and we embraced. Usually that took an hour or two but the clear overdose had ramped up the process. "Are you sure you're okay to go in here? You shouldn't have done all that at once."
"Oh, y-yeah" She chattered at me through her clenched teeth. She broke away for a second and yelled into the crowd behind us.
"SUCK SHAFT! WOOO!"
She was met with a rallying cry of about two dozen other people who were also prematurely wasted. With a pleased giggle she took my arm again and snuggled in, which was a relief because it was so damn cold on that sidewalk. We got close to the front and I whispered into Andrea's ear.
"Look, just keep your head down and don't look at the bouncer. If he sees how fucked up you are he won't let us in, okay?"
"Okey-doke…"
"Gimme your ticket."
I took her ticket and approached the big man by the door as Andrea half-hid behind me. No words were exchanged, barely even a look. He grabbed our tickets, and in we went.
"Here's your jacket back." Andrea thrust my knockoff leather jacket towards me and I put it back on, knowing that it'd eventually just become a hindrance in the heat. I followed closely behind as we descended the sickly white painted concrete stairwell, already littered with cigarette butts and empty bottles and vomit possibly from the night before. The music was getting louder as we got closer to the underground set. Thick swathes of bass resonated in the walls and in the floor and the ceiling and I felt myself come alive.
The stairs ended after a few turns and Andrea took my hand and led me into the packed crowd, all moving sinuously to the beat. I felt a jab in my ribs but I didn't care. We were somewhere close to the stage, but I couldn't tell where. My vision flickered and moved with my body as I danced with Andrea, every so often taking an accidental shove from a stranger and giving out a few of my own. That moment, I don't know how long it lasted, but it was the last time I was ever truly happy.
I brushed it off at first, something being shouted that looking back, I know must have been 'fire'. I just didn't want to believe it. Then, when the dancefloor broke its rhythm and people began to push into us towards the exit, I realized what was happening. Andrea looked into my eyes and I could see she knew it too, that rapturous joy snuffed out by terror. When the real world creeps into the fantasies we use to escape, turning them foul forever.
The music was still blaring, but the stage was empty. Smoke trickled out from behind it. Screams began to overtake the bass as people crammed in beside us, all running in the same direction. The lit single door exitway was in near darkness spare a few gaps that weren't full of people squeezing through. It was utter chaos.
All around us the ones who'd fallen over were stepped on in the scramble, I could hear their bones snapping under the weight of frantic footfalls and their pained reactions as they gasped their last breaths before giving in. Several men and women were actively shoving people back, throwing elbows and punches with others retaliating and then succumbing to the trampling themselves. We managed to reach the exit door leading to the stairs, but as I squeezed myself through Andrea's wrist got caught in the doorframe and was shattered by the incoming horde pushing through the cramped doorway three at a time. She screamed, shrieked out, and then was lost. I didn't look back, I was overcome with an unbearable rage. I stood in that doorway and I kicked out hard, knocking at least a dozen people back into the club, which was now entirely ablaze as flames engulfed the stage rendered near invisible by the thick black smoke.
I wasn't giving anything close to a fuck. I jerked my elbows into noses, I yanked back two womem ahead of me and they tumbled backwards down the stairs into the fiery oblivion below. I kicked and I punched and I shoved and I think I even bit a guy at one point, until eventually, I managed to wriggle through the open door and into the night air as sirens screeched down the street towards the scene. I looked back over my shoulder at the carnage as other escapees of the blaze rushed past me to safety. I did too, except I didn't stop running.
I got in my car and I drove home.
Fifty-three people died in that club that night. Seventy were injured, many in ways that'll surely have made their lives a living hell since. Andrea. I'm not sure if Andrea died in the crush or under some fucker's boot or if the smoke got her, or the fire. All I know is that she didn't make it. I just hope it was quick. Oh, fuck, how I hope it was quick... I look back and it's like I can see her lying there by that jammed up door with her wrist all bent backwards with the bone sticking out while she pleads, begs, the other people there to help her. Everyone ignored her. I ignored her.
I don't like to think about it. I can't. So I don't. I moved away. Nobody knows I was there, or what I did. I know I'll never forget it, though. I know that I'll never forgive myself.

Interdimentional Villain Exchange Program -2- The Fall

​
Previous
So Here i am, beaten up, stranded in an unknown world, and currently falling to my death in a seemingly endless expanse of an azure sky…
I wonder if it truly is endless. I'm honestly not sure whether I would prefer to fall until I die of thirst, or of abruptly stopping falling. Well, whichever it is is a secondary issue, since I would much rather survive instead.
I looked around, hoping to see one of those floating islands near enough to simply conjure a wind to push me a little before casting a simple [Feather Fall] spell and be done with it, but sadly none were near enough. Although there was one that could be worked with. One of the smaller islands looked barely close enough to give it a shot. A little bit too far for my liking to be honest but far enough down to leave enough wiggle room to work with. It was entirely covered with sparse forest, with the exception of a small pond in the middle.
It would have to do. Although I will have to be a little bit creative to get there.
Normally there would be no problem with crossing the distance that separated me from this island. It was only about six miles after all. A simple [Fly] spell would be more than sufficient to cover many times this distance. And that's not even taking any dimensionalism spells into account
The problem however was, that this isn’t a normal situation. Without any sort of spell focus any complex spell formula I try to use is going to be highly unstable, leaking mana like crazy at best, or completely collapsing at worst. Because of that any advanced, multifunctional spell with a complex formula is out of the question.
My mana reserve is not small by any means, but even I cannot sustain a 5-10% mana efficiency [Fly] spell for long. Not to mention that depending on the mana density around me the spell relatively complex might just collapse, and a backlash from an imploded spell is the last thing my battered body needs at the moment.
That leaves me then only with the First Magic spells at my disposal. They might not be the most powerful or complex, but their incredible casting speed and a spell formula designed to function without a spell focus is just what I need right now.
But after mentally running through all the first magic spells i know i realized i don't quite have anything that could easily get me out of my situation. All the First Magic spells I knew are focused on one of two things, combat utility, mainly disruption and creating distance from my opponent, and making my day to day existence easier.
‘Yeah… Why would I learn [Glide] if I already know [Fly]? A complete waste of time I said… it's much better to learn the [Chill] spell to cool my drinks.’ I lampooned silently.
‘Ok. Focus. There will be time to punch myself in the face later. Now it's time to get creative, not depressed.’
When my mind was still trying to work out what I could do to save myself from death, I suddenly remembered my first ever magic teacher. He was an old cripple who served in the Royal Army until he lost his arm. By now I obviously know that he wasn’t much more than a third rate mage with a forth rate training. However thanks to that he knew the life of the weak and powerless much better than any other teacher i ever had, and although most of his teaching have been lacking in detail, or were straight up incorrect, he taught me two things that other mages not only would not teach me, but did not fully understand themselves.
Those lessons have saved his life numerous times, so he made a point to teach them to me before anything else. And since then they have saved mine over and over again. And it was time to rely on them again.
It only took me a second to come up with a plan. I started casting a [Blink] spell. [Blink] Is a very useful spell. It works by creating a small portal door to a different location within around ten meters, and then dragging the entrance portal through the space that the caster occupies, making the caster appear at the location of an exit portal.
It's the simplest dimensionalism spell, due to its small range and a brief existence of the portal. The degree of mastery that a mage has over this spell however, is often said to be the easiest way to differentiate an amateur from the master of magic.
That's mainly due to the insane versatility this spell has. Sure its most obvious use is to create or close the distance from the enemy combatant, however there is so much more that this spell can do. You can dodge arrows with it, or even redirect them at the enemies. You can cast it anchored to an enemy that is too close to you for your liking and reposition them, and so much more.
Even the advanced dimensionalism spell [Dimensional Shield] is nothing more than a mana construct using [Blink] spells to redirect attacks aimed at the caster towards the attackers.
All of that was possible thanks to the fact that [Blink] created a temporary portal gateway instead of being an instant transmission spell like [Shadow Step] was. Which meant that it allowed the objects transported with it to carry momentum they had before instead of canceling it out.
This was exactly the quality I desired to use right now. Normally the entrance and the exit portals share the same angle of entrance. You would not want to [Blink] only to find out that you are upside down now, right? However with just a small alteration to the spell formula, the exit portal can be angled however you would like. As a result, when i casted the spell, I chose to place the entrance portal under me facing up, and the exit portal above me, facing towards the floating island I was aiming for, which resulted in me shooting towards my goal at terminal velocity, and resetting my falling speed to zero.
What I just did was the result of the first lesson I ever received. A lesson I could still hear today as clearly as the day it was first given.
“Listen to me carefully Young One, because what I'm about to say will not be taught to you anywhere else. Magic allows us to bend reality to our will, and most of us, Mages, pride ourselves on dominating it to do our bidding.” He said with his old, tired voice “Reality however is not your enemy, but your greatest ally. If you learn to walk alongside it on the road to your goals, you are going to achieve much more than if you had to fight it on every step of your way”.
This lesson, although simple, has saved me more times than I could remember. Yet to my shock when i asked about it my next teacher he just scoffed and said that “this is a lesson of a weak and powerless”, and that “a true mage bows to no one, not even the world itself”
I was still young and naive back then so I believed him. After all, He was already systematically pointing out a thousand flaws and imperfections in my spellcraft, and seeing my spellcasting improve by the day I believed him that he was also right about this.
It was only a few years later that I realized how foolish that was. I was escaping from an heir of the Ruderic noble family. He was chasing me through the woods because I dared to attempt to stop him while he was about to have fun with some poor village girl that caught his eye.
I did not know he was a mage himself. and a good one at that. Much better than me back then anyway. I was running for my life, burned in places, sliced others. I managed to evade him for a while. However, I was caught when I mistakenly ran into a small ravine. I had nowhere to run and no one to help me. I was trapped with no escape and no help in sight.
And then he caught up to me. Seeing i was trapped he started to boast about how pathetic i am, and what he is going to do to me before he kills me. Luckily in my moment of panic I remembered the lesson the old man gave me, and spotted an opportunity.
A giant boulder, much more massive than anything I could lift with magic was positioned right above where the nobleman was standing. But I didn't have to lift it. Only then I realized the wisdom of the words I have been told. Don't fight reality. Because if you make it your ally, you will never fight alone. And as the stone hurled down to save me, I swore to myself to never question the wisdom of the weak ever again.
However that was only the first part of the wisdom bestowed upon me that day. And now, in possession of the tremendous speed bestowed to me by my greatest ally, it was time to use the second part.
It's true that I didn't have the perfect spell for the job. But since when is perfection necessary? “It is said that a Great Mage has a hundred spells ready for any situation he encounters” The old man said “But in my opinion a true mark of greatness is the ability to use a single spell in a hundred situations. Do not learn how to stop an arrow in a dozen ways, learn a dozen ways to use an arrow stopping spell”
Once again that wisdom was rebuked by prideful masters, dismissed as the whining of someone incapable of memorizing enough formulas for greatness.
However today I know that they were the ones too stuck in the conventions to achieve anything.
And it proved true once more when I spread my hands and legs while casting a [Mana Shield] spell making it fill up the space between my limbs. [Mana Shield] is an unremarkable spell, useful only due to its extremely simple spell formula, granting it an extremely short casting time even in comparison to other First Magic.
It created a solidified wall of mana that stopped anything from moving through it, be it physical or elemental in nature. Even notoriously difficult to block pure mana projectiles were blocked by it. Its main downsides was relatively low mana efficiency, and possible strength in comparison to more complicated spells. However sometimes you just want a wall in front of you “right fucking now” and all other concerns are secondary.
The main reason I use it now however is the fact that by stopping the air it could serve in a similar way to a wing. This spell can’t extend too far away from my body however, so I could not form those, and I settled on imitating a squirrel-like animal capable of gliding that I once saw at one of the noble houses I burned down and took with me as a pet until it died.
I didn’t have much success at gliding first, until I weakened mana output to the [Mana Shield] allowing it to deform slightly. However after that it only took me a few moments to figure out the kinks of this improvised spell.
But that still would not be enough.
As I closed in on the island I realized that I'm not going to make it. and I watched in horror as the edge of the island moved higher and higher.
However, an inspiration came at the last possible moment when I saw a bird circling above the island.
UPDRAFT!
I need to create an updraft!
And I know just the right spell…
Without wasting any more time I casted [Gust] spell aimed upwards and pumped as much mana as I could into it. After all the spell was created to disperse the fog and smoke type spells or to create a cloud of dust to obscure something if it was casted on sand, not to lift a person upwards, and as such it needed a lot of extra juice to manage.
As the howling wind intensified I could feel the formula of the spell strain under the enormous amount of mana being pumped into it by me. It seemed to almost creek and deform under the pressure, and it seemed as if it was going to shatter. But it would hold.
It had to.
When the part of the formula seemed to falter under the stress I grafted more structural mana onto it, increasing its durability at the cost of mana efficiency.
The formula was breaking, huge amounts of mana were leaking…
…but it was working!
I was slowly but steadily getting closer and closer to the cliff. Just a bit more…
And then, three things seemed to happen all at once.
First, the spell formula finally gave out. It imploded with a thunderous crack sending the excess mana it operated back into its host, shocking every muscle fiber and bone in my body.
Then as the result of the mana backlash from the collapsing [Gust] spell I lost control over the [Mana Shield] spell, causing it to collapse as well. And making me plunge down as a result.
The third thing, and the last thing I remembered before blacking out was the loud THUD sound of me falling to the ground.
‘I made it.’
That was the last thought I had before the unconsciousness took me into its warm embrace.
And I gave in to it.
Safe at last
Next

I did a money diary this exact week last year about signing the offer letter for the company I work at now. I ended up getting a 5K COL adjustment (62k > 67k) once I moved to Philly. I expressed in the previous journal that I was worried about my taxes since I moved states and work for an NYC company from PA. As many suggested in the comments, it ended up being pretty simple (I used FreeTaxUSA).
SECTION ONE: ASSETS AND DEBT
Retirement Balance - $31,400. A mix of Roth IRA, 401(k), and traditional brokerage.
Equity - N/A
Savings account balance - $11,600 in Emergency Funds; $7,500 in a HYSA that I saved up during college and will use to pay off my student loans when payments resume this summer. Because of this, I consider myself debt free.
Checking account balance - $900; I had a $600 sinking fund for my food/shopping/entertainment in Paris, but I got $300 in cash birthday gifts.
Credit card debt (and how you accumulated it) - $0; I pay my cards off regularly.
Student loan debt - $7,500 for a Political Science and Social Policy Degree with a minor in English. I got a full-tuition scholarship, but had small gaps in aid during my first two years because my school required underclassmen to have on-campus housing and a meal plan.
—
SECTION TWO: INCOME
Income Progression: I’ve been at this job 9 months, make $67k, and it’s great. The people, the work, the benefits. It’s my first post-college, salaried position. I have pretty much no complaints about it and am hoping to get a merit raise during our summer evaluations.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $3,400 (paid semi-monthly)
$1200/mo in total taxes (fed, state, local, SSI/med); $1000/mo to 401(k); Employer pays 100% of health premiums.
No other income currently, no parental contributions, etc.
—
SECTION THREE: EXPENSES (my portions, I live with a roommate)
Rent - $750/mo. Renewing in May; hoping it stays the same or doesn’t increase dramatically
Retirement/Investment contribution - $540/mo to Roth IRA (401(k) contributions detailed in the Income section).
Savings contribution - $460/mo to sinking funds, $200/mo to General Savings/Emergency Fund
Debt payments - None besides regular payments to my cards
Donations - $80/mo to whatever feels right
Food - ~$500/mo ($300 groceries + <$200 dining out)
Electric - $75/mo
Wifi - $65/mo
Cellphone - $300/yr (Mint Mobile)
Renter’s Insurance - $100/yr
Subscriptions - $8/mo; $7 for Apple Music and $1 for iCloud Storage
Annual Subscriptions - $380/yr; $190 for Credit Card Annual Fees; $165 for ScentBird Subscription; $25 for Google Storage
Gym Membership - $10/mo; $50/yr for Annual Membership Fee
I started on a health journey last June (lost 50+ lbs!). Back then, I was in search of any kind of fitness that I would enjoy and actually go to. I ended up getting a $190/mo membership (2 classes/wk) to a RUMBLE (HIIT Boxing) studio and went 2x a week from June - Nov. In December, I bought a flat-fee holiday package that made my classes cheaper ($19/cls vs $23/cls) and more flexible, so I froze my subscription and got a 30 class package.
In January, I started strength training 4x/wk at Planet Fitness and went down to 1x/week at RUMBLE. I love my current routine, but PF and RUMBLE are both a 35 min walk from my house, and I go to the gym early in the morning. So, I’m considering joining the closer (<10 min walk), but more expensive ($72/mo) gym soon.
I’m still slowly burning through the RUMBLE holiday package and plan to cancel my subscription. I’m hoping they do a summer sale so I can buy another class package. If not, I’ll just buy classes ad hoc after I run out.
No pet, car, or therapy expenses currently.
—
SECTION FOUR: MONEY/TRAVEL DIARY
ACCOMMODATIONS
The flight and accommodations for this flight were booked in September after getting an email from Going (formerly Scott’s Cheap Flights) about $500 tickets to Paris the exact weekend of my birthday. I stayed in a Sonder that I also booked back in September for about $480. I bought a $30, 5 GB international eSIM from Airalo. I was able to post on social media, send iMessages, and check my bank accounts with no problems and no extra data needed.
​
Day 1
Today is payday and the beginning of my week off. I clear my credit cards, invest my Roth deposit, and go to the gym.
After the gym, I pick up last minute toiletries ($45.35) and plane snacks ($21.48). I end up on a wild goose chase looking for a Universal Adapter ($34.39), so I get McDonald's (I wanted a Shamrock Shake) while I’m out ($9.15 - this feels expensive for McDonald's?)
My mom gives me a call around 8pm and asks if I’ve checked my bank account. Today was payday, so I had, but not since early that morning. She gifted me $200! After, I spend three hours retwisting my locs and go to bed around midnight.
Day 1 Spend - $108.37
​
Day 2
Today is Sims 4 Expansion Pack (and flight to Paris) day! I can’t install the game until 1PM ET. Lame.I do one last check to ensure I have everything I need, transfer my Paris Sinking Fund ($600) into my checking account, and then play the Sims to pass the time. At 4, I take the Regional Rail to the airport.
I breeze through TSA and read Another Country by James Baldwin until boarding begins. Upon boarding, I’m stopped and informed that my carry-on is “too big.” They were clearly picking people at random to move their bags because as the woman walked down the jet bridge with my bag, she rolled it past a man who had the exact same suitcase as me in another color. Annoying.
They don’t give me a chance to take out my laptop and snacks, this is my first time traveling internationally, I triple checked the sizing requirements, so this stressed me out. I was terrified of my bag getting lost. I vent to my best friend about the bag situation; she helps me calm down. Once we’re airborne, I spend the next 6 hours rotating between reading, watching Wakanda Forever, and listening to music.
Day 2 Spend - $0
​
Day 3 (my birthday!)
We land in Dublin at 8am, and I activate my international eSIM. I see my older brother gifted me $100 via Cash App. Even though it was just a quick layover, being in Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day made me happy. The Irish were teeming with happiness and excitement. I board my second flight and land in Paris at 1pm, finally am reunited with my bag, and get to the section of town I’m staying in via train ($12.18).
While I wait for a friend to arrive on the train from London, I try French McDonalds per the recommendation of my best friend ($14.95 - seriously, why the hell is McDonalds so expensive?)
Friend arrives and we explore Paris! We then stop at a bakery, I grab a pain au chocolat ($1.60) and slip into a bar nearby. My friend lets everyone know it’s my birthday, and they buy us lots of rounds of shots and drinks. My friend closes the tab for the couple of drinks we actually ordered, and we head to a club that’s having a St. Patrick’s Day party around the corner.
I later try to redeem my Starbucks birthday item, but the barista gently lets me know it’s not valid in France. However, he throws in a free refresher and my friend buys me a blueberry muffin. We head back to the hotel so I can freshen up and change into my birthday dress. We take a nap and head back out for the night on the train ($8.96 RT for 2). We have dinner at a delicious restaurant, which my friend pays for.
Our last stop of the night is an Afro-Caribbean spot that has great music and friendly staff. I tell the bartender it’s my birthday and ask for a drink recommendation. He makes some spicy concoction in a gold bowl with peppers. It’s quite delicious but is strong and makes my nose run! The staff gifts me at least two more shots, and I decide to call it quits on alcohol for the night after that. We dance and laugh the night away with the friendly staff, and I pick up the tab before we leave ($27.81).
Day 3 Spend - $65.50
​
Day 4
My friend has been teasing a surprise and finally reveals it’s Disneyland! I laugh and realize I hadn’t disclosed the rest of my itinerary — I have a Disneyland reservation for Monday (after my friends went home)! However, I booked a non-park hopper ticket for Walt Disney Studios, so I’m excited to be able to experience them both thanks to my friend!
We had a late, drunk night last night so we started the day a bit late. Grabbed a quick brunch ($6.74) and head to Chessy via the train ($19.68). We got Premier Access (skip the line/lightning lane) for a handful of rides ($79.15), I bought some Stitch merch ($21.39), and we got ice cream ($5.35).
After a few hours at Disney, we head back to Paris to meet up with one of my friends from college who also lives in London. He’s a hyperextrovert and is ready to hit the town immediately. We wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower, but missed the last bus and grabbed dinner nearby ($89.96). My friend from high school started feeling a bit sick, so she went back to the hotel and my college buddy and I spend the night bar hopping, dancing, chatting, and eating until 3am ($37.44).
Day 4 Spend - $259.71
​
Day 5
Both friends head back to London today but at different times. I start the day a bit late after saying goodbye to my high school friend.
My college friend and I grab breakfast at a nearby restaurant ($41.18). After that, we head out to explore an area of the city near the train station so it’s easy for him to board the 5pm train. We grab some pastries and a baguette ($11.66) and set out to explore. We saw the lock bridge, Arc de Triomphe, took goofy photos, visited the Notre Dame restoration exhibit, and danced alongside a drum parade.
On the walk back to my room, I check my email to see I missed the Eiffel Tower climbing tour I scheduled back in September. I go back to the room, let my phone charge, and pay a fee to reschedule the tour ($10.70). I head out to see the Eiffel and other tourists sites via a Sundown Seine river cruise ($8.99 for 4 bus tickets).
After a few hours, I’m beat and head back to the Sonder. I got a Poke Bowl from a French/Hawaiian/Sushi fusion place we passed by last night and some chicken wings ($22.89). I spend the rest of the night relaxing.
Day 5 Spend - $95.42
​
Day 6
I really want to sleep in, but the Climbing tour doesn’t allow cancellations within 24 hours and charge no-shows. I head out around 9:30 am. Despite being tired and annoyed, the tour was great. I have a lunch Steakhouse reservation at 2:30pm at Disney, so I’m sort of in a rush and happy the tour ends right on time at 12:30. I hop on the train ($10.70 RT tickets) and make it to Disneyland at 1:30 pm.
With an hour before my reservation, I stop into a bunch of stores and buy merch ($70.60). I make my way to The Steakhouse for lunch ($37.44). I am stuffed, so I walk a couple laps around Walt Disney Studios to get a lay of the land, take photos, and walk off lunch before indulging in some shows and rides.
A couple hours go by and I grab some dessert ($4.28) and rent a portable charger ($4.28). I wanted to ride Crush’s Coaster before my dinner reservation, but it had a crazy wait time and premier access sold out for the day, so I buy premier access for and ride Avenger’s Flight Force instead ($12.84), return the portable charger, and head to dinner at Bistrot Chez Remy ($58.83).
I stay until 9:30 pm for the light show, have snacks ($9.63), then head back to the hotel to shower, pack, and sleep.
Day 6 Spend - $208.60
​
Day 7
I have a protein bar for breakfast, check out at 10am, and grab a final ticket ($12.29) to the airport. I start to feel lightheaded and try to drink some water, but it doesn’t help much. So, I get McDonalds ($8.91) before boarding my flight and feel a lot better. I grab a Kinder ($1.72) from a nearby store because I’d never tried one. Amazing!
I am excited to get home and get back into my normal meal prep and exercise routine. I make it back to Philly at 7pm. I take a shower and go straight to bed.
Day 7 Spend - $22.71
—
Week Total - $760.52
Food + Drink - $406.74
Fun / Entertainment - $194.68 (shopping, tour reschedule, premier lanes)
Home + Health - $34.39 (universal adapter)
Clothes + Beauty - $45.35 (last minute toiletries)
Transport - $72.80
Other - $4.28 (portable charger rental)
—
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
While I’d never spend close to this in a normal week, celebrating my birthday in a way I enjoy is very important to me. I’m excited to travel more in the future.
I feel like I spent too much money on individual transport tickets; I should’ve brought the booklet of 10. But $73 for a bunch of days is still pretty cheap. I had a sinking fund of $600 originally, but the cash gifts from my mom and brother increased it to $900.
Overall, Paris was cheaper than I expected. I was worried $600 wouldn’t be enough. I picked up the tab a lot of places since there wasn’t an easy way for us to split the bill in multiple currencies (USD, pounds, euros), and I’m trying to hit the minimum spend on a new credit card. Had I been more willing to figure out bill splitting, I probably could've stayed under $600.
Relatedly - this trip inspired me to revisit my goal of becoming fully fluent in Spanish. French-speakers were visibly irritated when I spoke English (which I wasn’t upset about and expected). I did practice some French (beyond the basics like bonjour and merci) with my sister before the trip, but it always came out sounding like Spanish. So, after the first day, I resorted to starting conversations in Spanish.
If they spoke Spanish, great! However, many were caught off guard and didn’t speak Spanish, so I would then ask, in Spanish, if they spoke English, then converse in English — which made them noticeably nicer. Definitely gonna work on brushing up my Spanish and work towards fluency. I eventually want to learn French and ASL, too.

New Swans album The Beggar available for pre-order now. Here's what Michael Gira has to say about it:
“After numerous pandemic-induced cancellations of tours for the previous Swans album leaving meaning, and an apparent bottomless pit of waiting, waiting, waiting, and the strange disorientation that came with this sudden but interminable forced isolation I decided it was time to write songs for a new Swans album and forget about everything else. They came relatively easily, always informed by the suspicion that these could be my last. When I finally was able to travel, songs in hand, to Berlin to work with my friends recording this record, the feeling was akin to the moment in The Wizard of Oz when the film changes from Black and White to Color. Now I’m feeling quite optimistic. My favourite color is pink. I hope you enjoy the album!” – Michael Gira
SWANS have announced details of their sixteenth studio album, The Beggar, due for release on Mute / Young God Records (N America) on 23 June 2023. In addition, Swans have announced further dates for a tour across the UK, Europe and North America – full details below. The Beggar will be released on double vinyl in a brown chipboard sleeve with a download card for accessing an additional 44 minutes of music (also included on the album's CD version), as a double CD in a brown chipboard digi-pack, as well as digitally.
Listen to the first track from the album, ‘Paradise is Mine: https://youtu.be/HgtGHp2kfPQ
The Beggar was recorded and mixed at Candy Bomber Studio, Berlin, engineered by Ingo Krauss and mastered by Doug Henderson at Micro-Moose, Berlin. The album was written and produced by Michael Gira and features contributions from recent and former Swans, members of Angels of Light, as well as Guest Swan Ben Frost.
Primary contributors to The Beggar:
Michael Gira – Vocals, words, acoustic guitar, production. Gira started Swans in NYC in 1982 and has been the primary songwriter, singer and producer throughout the years. During the Swans hiatus (1999 – 2010), he released several albums by and toured with a group called Angels of Light. Gira recently published a book of his short stories, journals, and words for music, called The Knot. He lives in New Mexico.
Kristof Hahn – Lap steel, various guitars, vocals. Kristof first joined Swans in 1989 and was a principal contributor to Angels of Light, and a core Swans member 2010 – 2017. Kristof’s other musical ventures have included the Rock ‘n’ Roll Noir band Les Hommes Sauvages and Kool Kings (with Alex Chilton). When not making music Kristof translates books. He lives in Berlin, Germany.
Larry Mullins - Drums, vibes, orchestral percussion, Mellotron, various keyboards, backing vocals. Larry is a trained symphonic percussionist. He played through the ‘90s with Iggy Pop and later with The Stooges. He played with Swans in the late ‘90s and was a main contributor to Angels of Light. His current main job is playing drums with The Bad Seeds. Larry lives in Berlin, Germany.
Dana Schechter – Bass guitar, lap steel, keyboards, vocals, piano. Dana played bass in and was a core member of Angels of Light. She subsequently released music and toured as Bee and Flower. Her current band is the power-duo, Insect Ark. Dana is an animator and designer in the film industry and currently lives in Berlin, Germany.
Christopher Pravdica - Bass guitar, sounds, keyboards, vocals. Chris played bass as a core Swans member in 2010 – 2017. Chris has played with the bands, The Gunga Din, Flux Information Sciences, Xiu Xiu, Yonatan Gat’s Medicine Singers and has a project of his own called We Owe. Chris is a sound designer and lives in Brooklyn, NY.
Phil Puleo – Drums, percussion, vocals, piano, exotic wind instruments. Phil played drums with Swans in the late ‘90s and was a core member in Swans 2010 – 2017 and contributed to Angels of Light. Phil’s early NYC musical venture was Cop Shoot Cop and has since played with Human Impact, among others. Phil is an extremely talented illustrator and lives in Chicago, IL.
Ben Frost - Guitar, synthesizers, sound manipulations. In his own work, Ben’s adventurous sound-craftings are sometimes harrowing and sometimes delicate and quite musical. His numerous albums and his powerful live shows have afforded him much recognition. He is also an accomplished composer and arranger of music for film and television. Ben lives in Reykjavik, Iceland.
Backing vocals are provided by Jennifer Gira, Lucy Kruger and Laura Carbone.
The Beggar tracklisting

1. The Parasite
   
2. Paradise is Mine
   
3. Los Angeles: City of Death
   
4. Michael is Done
   
5. Unforming
   
6. The Beggar
   
7. No More of This
   
8. Ebbing
   
9. Why Can't I Have What I Want Any Time That I Want?
   
10. The Beggar Lover (Three)
    
11. The Memorious
    

Pre-order The Beggar: https://younggodrecords.com/products/the-beggar
And be sure to check out the rest of younggodrecords.com for recent restocks of Soundtracks for the Blind, Public Castration is a Good Idea, Angles of Light “Sing Other People" and We Are Him, all shipping now.
SWANS LIVE DATES - 2023
20 May – Leipzig DE, UT Connewitz – SOLD OUT
21 May – Poznan PL, CK Zamek – SOLD OUT
23 May – Katowice PL, Kino Teatr Rialto – SOLD OUT
25 May – Zilina SK, New Synagogue
26 May – Llubljana SI, Kino Siska
27 May – Innsbrück AT, Heart of Noise Festival, Treivus
29 May – Bologna IT, Teatro Duse
31 May – Lyon FR, Transbordeur
2 June – Barcelona ES, Primavera Sound Festival
4 June – Lisbon PT, Culturgest – SOLD OUT
5 June – Lisbon PT, Culturgest
6 June – Faro PT, Teatro Das Figuras
9 June – Madrid ES, Primavera Sound Festival
11 June – Athens GR, Vraxon Theatre
13 June – Thessaloniki GR, Moni Lazariston
15 June – Antwerp BE, Bourlaschouwburg
16 June – Utrecht NL, Hertz Theatre – SOLD OUT
11 Aug – Brighton UK, St Georges Church
12 Aug – Manchester UK, Albert Hall
15 Aug – Newcastle UK, Boiler Shop
16 Aug – Glasgow UK, St Luke Cathedral
18 Aug – Bristol UK, Arc Tangent Festival
19 Aug – Leeds UK, Belgrave Music Hall
21 Aug – Dublin IE, The Academy
23 Aug – Norwich UK, Waterfront
24 Aug – London UK, Troxy
26 Aug – Lausanne CH, Nox Orea Festival
2 Sep – Dallas TX, Granada Theater
3 Sep – Austin TX, Paramount Theatre
7 Sep – Phoenix AZ, Crescent Ballroom
8 Sep – Los Angeles CA, Lodge Room
9 Sep – Los Angeles CA, Lodge Room
12 Sep – San Francisco CA, Great American Music Hall
13 Sep – San Francisco CA, Great American Music Hall
15 Sep – Portland OR, Revolution Hall
16 Sep – Seattle WA, The Crocodile Showroom
19 Sep – Omaha NE, Waiting Room Showroom
20 Sep – Minneapolis MN, Fine Line Music Cafe
21 Sep – Chicago IL, Cabaret Metro
23 Sep – Detroit MI, Magic Bag
24 Sep – Cleveland OH, Beachland Ballroom
26 Sep – Toronto ON, Phoenix Concert Theater
27 Sep – Montreal QC, Theatre National
29 Sep – Brooklyn NY, Music Hall of Williamsburg
30 Sep – Brooklyn NY, Music Hall of Williamsburg

In my restless dreams... Oh wait that's the wrong franchise xDD
​
Hello GiftofGames!!!
Today I am making this post in hopes of getting a game called Resident Evil 4 Remake, a Remake of one of my all time favorite games and definitely my favorite RE game. I will try not to make this post too long but there are some things I wanna go over so that everyone reading this post can understand how much I actually love this entire franchise, Horror as a genre and Video Games overall.

Horror is comforting

My favorite genre in Video Games, Movies, Books, Manga and pretty much everything is Horror. One of the first movies I have ever watched was the original "Scream" and "The Ring" (2002) (Scream has remained my favorite Horror movie of all time!!). Last year I also started reading Horror Mangas with my favorite Manga writteartist being Junji Ito, and if that name is familiar to you it is probably because he was attached to the now canceled P.T. a.k.a. Silent Hills.
Maybe it's because I started watching those movies at a very young age, but Horror movies have always been my favorite genre and it's been no different with Video Games. My favorite game of all time is no other than Silent Hill 2, a game that I consider to be completely flawless and have finished it so many times that I have lost count by now!! Actually, my entire Steam account is Horror themed with lot's of gifs, Screenshots and Horror games.
I would love to hear what's your favorite scary movie? ;)

Resident Evil 4 redefined Gaming forever

Every Third Person over-the-shoulder game owes everything to RE4. What Capcom managed to make with RE4 on Gamecube is nothing short of spectacular. Game being ported on pretty much every platform imaginable just proves how much general public loved and enjoyed re-playing this game over and over again.
Gameplay was smooth and responsive. There were so many unlockables and juuust the right amount of collectibles that made every playthrough fresh and enjoyable. Being able to unlock different Weapons and Outfits was something that made me keep coming back to replay this game whenever I had nothing else to play.
The cheesy humor was definitely done well in RE4, there were so many hilarious moments that fans have been making memes of for decades now. I mean there is literally a character in the game called Big Cheese!!
I hope I haven't been ranting here for too long... Wait, where is everyone going? Bingo? ;)

RE4R Demo is out

So, a while back Capcom actually released RE4R Demo on Steam and Consoles and the reason why I haven't played it for more than like 20 minutes or so is because I wanted to experience everything fresh when I get to play the full and complete game. I wanted to avoid it completely but being as weak as I am... I had to at least try it out. (x_x)
Gameplay, Atmosphere, Graphics and Character animations and dialogues were so well done. The reviews were not lying when they called this game a masterpiece!!
Something that I feared about this Remake was them missing out on that perfect atmosphere at the very beginning, when you get to control Leon for the first time. You enter that deep creepy forest, with little to no ambient sound with just one house at the end of the road and a single pistol hand. This perfect setup and feeling of loneliness is what drew me into this game completely when I played it for the first time. They managed to make you immersed into the game completely just with that first impression. And you know what they say about first impressions... ;)

I got all Achievements on RE2R and RE4

As you probably know, RE4 is a direct sequel to RE2 with many characters returning and this is the first time we got to see Leon after everything that has happened to him in RE2. There two games are actually my two favorite games in the entire franchise, I have played them and finished them numerous amount of times and overtime managed to get all of the Achievements for both of them!! (Which you can see on my Steam account and by clicking on link above).
RE4 also has my favorite Save Room theme out of all of the RE games titles "Serenity".

Why I can't afford it?

Okay let's talk about this now... Since I have lot's of games on my Steam account, it would make sense for me to be able to afford RE4R for myself right? Well... 60$ is actually a pretty big price for me. Only time when I can get a game or two for myself is when they are on sale and strictly only when they are on sale. I have never been able to buy a game that expensive since 60$ is like 1/4th of my total income.
If I do get this game gifted to me, I can assure you that I will spend lots of time playing it. The last game I got gifted here on this sub was Horizon Zero Dawn and I ended up playing it for 63h~ and I also got all of the Achievements for this game as well!! That's how much I value every game I got gifted here and money that people spend on those same games.
Even you, the reader, making it all the way down here to the very end of my post means a lot to me. I have tried including every important detail without making this post too big and long so to everyone taking the time of their lives and reading through everything I have one big THANK YOU to all of you!! I’m sure you boys didn’t just read all this so we can sing Kumbaya together at some boy scout bonfire.
ALSO BEFORE YOU LEAVE, I got a question for ya: What is your favorite Resident Evil game?

My socials

Steam: https://steamcommunity.com/id/bossoskin/
Resident Evil 4 Remake: https://store.steampowered.com/app/2050650/Resident_Evil_4/

Was holding onto a reservation just in case we were able to make it work. It didn't happen and just made sure we were still within the window where we dont get penalized .
The agent then asked why I was canceling.
Normally I wouldn't really have cared but got nervous when I remembered that one person got charged alot of money for canceling outside their window.
I thought why is this agent even asking me why? Is there a chance my reason could prevent me from getting a was rd points back?
Anyway just said my friend was sick .
Am I being too paranoid? Wondering why the agent even asked

And I want to thank everyone for that. I like the fact that it's international and you hear solutions and tips from all over the globe. You get to know how to handle things in America, or Europe, or where ever. Even though they're sometimes small tips. Ill try anything. Sitting in a bath of oatmeal would never come to mind for me. But it did soothe the itch a bit. So it's more than I've gotten from doctors so far. I know they have the antihistamines and shots and steroids. But I react so strongly to any med. (that's why I suspect MCAS, but that isn't even a thing here, apparently)
So, I do have many allergies, food/pollen/latex/dustmite/pets/nickel allergies. Especially berch tree and OAS. But they were never really a problem. I never took antihistamines, only if I went to a music festival that had a lot of grass or saw a friend with cats. And even then it didn't really help. But since I can avoid those and keep my house very clean it was never a problem.
In trying to figure out if I have idiopathic urticaria, or if my allergies and asthma are worsening and that's the reason, or if it's auto immune or coming from a few viral infections like covid, flu and antibiotic treatment. I just really wanna figure this out but allergist has canceled the appointment this month and I'm dying to get to the bottom of this.
I mentioned to her that I have epilepsy, insomnia, and severe endometriosis, so I have chronic inflammation and hormonal imbalance. And she reacted with a sarcastic tone, that there are many women with all of these issues and that there is no connection. She said I am just "sensitive"
For many years I've had hives on my feet. And that was it. Only in summer, hot weather, friction. No raised skin though, just red hot itchy patches. Gp said it was athletes foot. And I had no idea so I used all of her anti fungal creams to no avail. Crazy shit. Didn't work offcourse. She couldn't even tell the difference. After a few years it spread to my legs. But only itching would make it worse. If I was able to stand the itch the red hot patches wouldn't get bigger.
I wanna stop it from getting worse. I saw a neurologist for my sudden chronic headaches and facial pain. And he said it sounds auto immune. Cause so much is going on. I suffer chronic pain. How do I convince the allergist (she's an allergy nurse, cause seeing the allergist is impossible due to waiting lists) to send me to an immunologist? The true allergist is also an immunologist but his waiting list is 1.5 years. And the other ones in my country have the same waiting lists. Just insane. So my best bet is that she sends me to an immunologist that isn't an allergist, to skip waiting lists. I've tried cetirizine and desloratadine and I can't take them. They interact with my epilepsy meds and make me a zombie with the worst migraine ever.
Can hives stay the same forever of will they always get worse over time? That's my fear. I've already seen a dermatologist but she was of no help.
Would a food diary and elimination be a good idea? Even though these hives are pretty sudden since 2020. And I've had allergies my whole life. Would elimination still be worth it? I can ask my gp a referrel for an allergy dietician. So there's at least something I can do in the meanwhile. Seeing the allergy nurse on April 20th now. She canceled or did not find my issues interesting enough. She thought it could wait.
So thank you again for listening to my rants, tiny tips and info I can try, diets, foods. Etc I need to take control cause doctors have been of no help. And I live with this every day.

So I'm behind on content as I have a 6 week old daughter that rules over me now. The podcast has been great to put on at 3AM when she won't sleep, or 6AM when she won't sleep or heck why not 1AM when she won't sleep. But either way I'm watching it behind schedule and in chunks. With that in mind, I'm like 2/3 of the way through the St. Patrick's Day After Dark craic (that's Irish for fun and is pronounced Crack).
Anywho, there was a bunch of stuff I was hearing that wasn't really getting answered. I'm from the UK, but have Irish parents. I also work in the video games industry so I've moved a lot. I've actually lived in Scotland (Dundee) previously and spent 5 years living in Galway on the west coast of Ireland. I thought I'd take a bit of time to answer some of the questions that were asked and not properly answered during the ep, about these 3 places.
1 - Do Irish wear Kilts? Yes they do! However it's not 100% certain when/where it all started happening. Some say it was the 1900s and military related. Some say it's as far back as 1590. However they treat the tartan differently - having the colours related to the regions in Ireland, rather than the families/clans like they do in Scotland. Saying that there are some families with registered tartans. 2 - What's up with St. Patrick and the snakes? This response could be a long one. So I'll keep it short. Ireland, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England all have their own "patron saints". It's questionable whether any of them ever actually existed. St. Patrick however, is the most likely to have existed. He was a Christian Missionary that came to Ireland to spread the "good" word. At the time, Ireland was almost entirely Pagan/Druidic. St. Patrick was banished by the druids for attempting to convert people. He was banished to a small island cluster where he built his first monastery and began housing people that were homeless/shunned by local towns and villages. Eventually, the work he began ended Druidic religion in Ireland and the "snakes" in the story are an analogue for pagans. There's actually a few kinds of snakes that can be found in Ireland. One of my dogs was actually bitten by an Adder when I lived there! 3 - What's the link between Ireland and Scotland? Another long answer that I'll try to keep short. Actually this could be a very long answer. But Scotland as we know it today was essentially formed by two ethnic groups - the Gaels and the Picts. The picts inhabited what is now Scotland for the most part before the Gaels arrived. The Gaels had been coming over from Ireland as far back as 500AD. Gaels (Gaelic speakers - the Irish/Scottish language) were a society based on Clans. Some of those clans - one of whom was called The Scots - were aggressive. Due to their aggressive nature, they were avoided by other clans and eventually decided in the middle ages that they wanted to create their own society. So, they began taking land on the west coast of what is now Scotland. At the time, the Picts inhabited a lot of that area of the country, with some Germanic tribes on the east coast and some Norman (kinda English) settlements towards the south of what is now Scotland. The Gaels came over and slaughtered a lot of the Picts and their society, taking the land and settling new villages. They eventually took most of the country, combining some Picts and Normans into their society, but essentially driving most cultures out. So, essentially, the Irish and the Scottish are ancestors and share a common language. No one really talks about Pict culture any more, but they were quite fascinating. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picts. This is obviously an incredible simplification of hundreds/thousands of years of culture and societal change. But yeah, there's more to it than just hating the English. 4 - Who actually likes the English? No one. Not even the English like the English. I'm from the Midlands, who are hated by northerners and southerners, simply for being from another part of the country. Self loathing and sarcasm is at the core of a lot of English comedy. We "take the piss" out of ourselves and each other as a form of flattery. Heck, as a people, we keep voting the Tories in - that says as much as it needs to about self hating. 5 - Russell Brand and how to alienate yourself from the average human. Oh man. Where do we begin. I've never really liked him. He used to be one of the biggest names in British comedy. How far he's fallen. He was "cancelled" in 2008 after calling a guest live on radio (the Andrew Sachs, who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers) and leaving a series of terrible voicemails about Sach's granddaughter, who Brand briefly dated. It ended his career on the BBC and other channels wouldn't touch him. He then tried his hand at alternative shows and channels, but the damage was done. He was outcast. He was also a massive drug addict and spent a long time in rehab - coming out almost enlightened. He created a YouTube channel and started something called "The Trews" which was a play on The News crossed with Truth. All of this content was very much left leaning, but through the lens of "everyone should live a free and happy life". There was actually a (I thought brilliant at the time) show where he hosted Jordan Peterson and the conversation was really engaging. This was pre-Peterson meltdown mode before he went completely down the Nazi rabbit hole. Anyway, that kind of just died out as he went away from talking about Buddhism, freedom, meditation, essential oils, yoga and fairness - and more into the COVID style conspiracies. I think a lot of "lost" left wing types saw familiar arguments with things like vaccines. It's an easy jump to go from "I think we should all be allowed to do our own thing" to "you can't force a vaccine on me, you fascist". Given the proximity of that sort of content to right wing media and Brands rapidly declining popularity, it doesn't surprise me this is where he's ended up. He IS right wing now, but like others, he's been lead here without realising, but now he's dug his heels in because he's 100% ego and no common sense.
If Brand does come on the podcast, be ready for a rollercoaster of madness where he might even have a psychotic episode. Honestly. He's a mess now and neck-deep in the world of conspiracies.