Tory burch t monogram bucket bag
Just received my first designer handbag (YSL Kate) and I’m kind of… disappointed
2023.06.03 01:28 techgirl0 Just received my first designer handbag (YSL Kate) and I’m kind of… disappointed
I made my first major handbag purchase - the Saint Laurent Medium Kate Leather Chain Bag in dark beige. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I’m really underwhelmed. For $2,600+, I was hoping to fall in love instantly. But it doesn’t seem any different from bags I have from Tory Burch and the like. The logo didn’t arrive protected by any covering and just looks cheaper than I thought it would. Maybe my expectations were too high, but I’m trying to decide if it’s even worth the money.
I can’t really get the full effect by trying it on because it has to be returned in all of the original packaging and tags. I’m wondering if I can at least remove the foam from the chain strap so I can make a decision.
Anyone have a similar experience of being underwhelmed with a big handbag purchase, especially YSL? I know I shouldn’t keep it unless I truly love it, but I do like it.
I’m hoping I’m more impressed with the DeMellier bag I just ordered at a fraction of the cost.
Edit: Link to the bag
Also, it looks taupe and more grayish in person. Not the tan color in the picture.
If anyone has recommendations on a replacement at a similar price point, I am all ears!
submitted by techgirl0 to handbags [link] [comments]
I can’t really get the full effect by trying it on because it has to be returned in all of the original packaging and tags. I’m wondering if I can at least remove the foam from the chain strap so I can make a decision.
Anyone have a similar experience of being underwhelmed with a big handbag purchase, especially YSL? I know I shouldn’t keep it unless I truly love it, but I do like it.
I’m hoping I’m more impressed with the DeMellier bag I just ordered at a fraction of the cost.
Edit: Link to the bag
Also, it looks taupe and more grayish in person. Not the tan color in the picture.
If anyone has recommendations on a replacement at a similar price point, I am all ears!
2023.06.02 21:35 Fun_Committee_1545 Mystery bag seed
 | Backstory, never grew to harvest before, but wanted some practice before the real run so while back (long while, end of December) I found a random bag seed and popped it. submitted by Fun_Committee_1545 to microgrowery [link] [comments] Sprouted Dec. 1st. I kept it in Veg until mid May, 18/6, just watching it, practicing trimming, practicing with nutes, even cut off a few clones. Also about killed it once, I trimmed to much and adjusted the lights and upped the nutes and it was just too much at once. I fixed it quickly but it stunted it a few weeks. Anyhow. I put it into flower a month ish ago, don’t know what it is, what I’m doing, or how it’s gonna go but glad I had a practice run. I’ve got some good autos to pop from RQS for next time. Also when I went to flower I doubled my LED size, added tent and in-line fan / carbon filter etc. I grew this in 5gal DWC bucket with flora trio nutes. It also got a haircut last night. Those pics were after being out of town for 8 days, she was starting to hurt. Got back just in time. |
2023.06.02 19:18 RedCastoff I Became a Commander, Whatever that Means (26/?)
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Chapter 26 - Rest for the Righteous
Last Time: Aiden, Laran, Leor, and Oriwyn - under the employ of Arcadia - executed a daring plan to rescue Oxcard from the clutches of the crime boss Daisy. They managed to get to his room without trouble, but leaving proved to be much more difficult. Laran was cornered and forced to fight several thugs after being seen while skulking around Daisy’s compound. The rest of the party found him and made sure he won the fight but were unable to prevent one of the thugs from alerting the entire building to their presence. What followed was a harrowing flight from Daisy’s forces and Daisy herself. With Leor’s assistance, everyone was able to clear the building and run off into the night, but not without sustaining several injuries. The party made good their getaway however with their client and target in tow and, determined to stay ahead of Daisy’s reprisal, left the city of Tripit behind.
Daisy clutched my throat, the slashes across her face leaking crimson blood that pooled in her snarled teeth. She looked like a wild thing and had me both lifted and pinned to a wall as if I weighed almost nothing. I struggled to breath, kicking my legs feebly, until I suddenly woke up.
Laran was staring down at me. He looked very concerned and more than a little frightened. It took my brain another few seconds to adjust to our surroundings and fully shake off the nightmare.
All of us were arrayed around a clearing underneath hastily constructed tents. I could see Oriwyn crouched beside Ox, who was laying out in the middle of the clearing. Oriwyn’s nose was swollen and her green skin was mottled purple around it - her face looked a little crooked in general, but she seemed to be moving fine enough. Arcadia stood next to the pair, holding a fan and waving it at Oxcard’s face. Groaning, I sat up. Leor sat on a tree stump and glanced at me with a tired grin. Brams lay curled up by her feet, and every once in a while I noticed she would reach down and scratch his head while Oriwyn busied herself with Oxcard.
As I sat up, Laran’s concerned expression broke into a relieved smile so genuine that it made my heart hurt. I wasn’t even injured, yet here he was acting like I’d just gotten up off my death bed. My head still felt fuzzy, so when he held a canteen out to me I took it gladly and took a big drink of water. I granted myself a few moments of silence before getting down to the business of trying to lead again.
“Where exactly are we again? I remember slumping down on the road when Arcadia’s golem gave out, but I don’t really remember anything after that.”
Laran smiled and nodded. The sun shone down on his jade-green skin and helped burn away the remaining damp from the night before. Laran sat back and seemed to finally properly relax. As he did, I couldn’t stop my attention from being wholly drawn to him.
In that moment he was really, really good to look at. And listen to. And be around.
“Ain’t surprised you don’t remember much - we had a time a’ things for sure. Last night - g’morning by the way - a teamster named Alex found us and dragged our sorry hides to this clearin’ off the road. They didn’t ask much about us, though they seemed to get the impression we were in need a’ help something fierce. Right now they’re headed back to Tripit to get our stuff from the Sable Sky - I worked out a price to make it worth their time and delay, then they only accepted half o’ it - and we’re patching everyone up.”
I nodded thoughtfully and took another swig of water. As I swished it in my mouth I realized my throat felt raw as if I’d been yelling or screaming - I hoped I hadn’t been and that the raw feeling in my throat had been solely caused by stress. My mind flicked through a few things to say - I figured I was the Commander, and as bad as we all looked and felt we had still won - before I landed on a sardonic tone. It was time to celebrate with the troops.
“Well everyone, good work. Sorry for sleeping in - I need my beauty sleep much more than the rest of you!” I grinned in what I hoped was a confident way. Oriwyn laughed a bit - it sounded like it hurt her a little to laugh unfortunately - while Leor just snorted. My tone and face shifted to sincerity as I continued.
“More seriously everyone, I think we did it. I think we won despite the odds. How is Oxcard doing?”
I glanced at Arcadia. Tears welled in her eyes and I could tell she was furiously blinking them back.
“Ox is okay, or stable at least. He keeps on breathing and Ori thinks she’s finally managed to fully stem the bleeding.” Arcadia looked down, worried, at her brother. Oriwyn smiled up at her and stood, wiping her slightly bloody hands on a cloth she had on her person. The goblin-mouse reached over and patted the taller woman’s shoulder.
“He’ll be right as rain, especially when he wakes up I think. He’s really quite deft with a needle - I’ve seen sloppier stitch work on people’s pants than he managed to do to himself.”
The ghost of a smile touched Arcadia’s lips as she gazed down at the sleeping Oxcard.
“Yes, he’s always been good with needle and thread. He was the one who kept our clothes in good repair when we were growing up, and unfortunately this isn’t his first improvised surgery. Ox is a survivor. He’ll pull through.”
I noticed, but obviously chose not to comment on, the quiver in her voice when she said that her brother would pull through. I looked him over myself - he seemed to be breathing evenly, and there were some bandages tied around his whole torso that were yet to be spotted with blood, so that seemed like a good sign at least. Satisfied, I turned back to address the group as a whole.
“Can I get a status report from everyone? How are we all doing?”
Laran immediately answered.
“I thought you might want to know! For injuries, I’ve received a small cut on my torso. Arcadia has some pretty bad gashes on her left palm and right forearm. Oriwyn is bruised and her nose was broken - Leor snapped it back in place a few hours ago when Ori started having some trouble breathing, so it looks pretty nasty. Speaking of Leor, she has some burns on her hands from her stunt with the lightning, but Ori managed to find some weird plant I’d never heard of that’s been helping with the pain. Finally, Brams got something of a cut, but it isn’t very deep. It is on his wing though, so as it is healing he will need to be careful about moving too much.”
I nodded and thanked Laran for his report. He looked pleased with himself, and I resolved to thank him privately later for helping me lead the team. All in all, we had gotten off relatively okay. All of us were alive and we had managed to achieve our objective. I took a moment to savor the victory before my mind stumbled into the next inevitable question.
What now?
I sighed as I began to contemplate the question. We likely couldn’t go back to Tripit since Daisy knew what we looked like. Leor might be able to chance it since she’d been outside the whole time, but even then I didn’t think any of us were in a hurry to test that theory out. As another consideration, Arcadia had been through a lot with us, and I felt like I needed to address that fact before too awful long.
“Arcadia, what’s your plan? Or what was your plan? Because I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we don’t want to go back to Tripit any time soon.” I said it with a laugh, but Arcadia looked anxious. I suddenly realized what I said could come across as accusatory. “Hey, it’s not your fault. We knew what we were signing up for and we all did it willingly.”
“You shouldn’t have. Glad you did though.”
The voice was scratchy and strained, husky and rough. We all whipped around to see Ox’s head slightly raised. He had a hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. As we stared at the newly awakened orc, Arcadia sank to her knees and started crying what I could only assume were happy tears. Oxcard grinned thinly and shuffled back, bracing himself against the pillow that had been jammed under his head in an attempt to sit up a little straighter.
“Come on Arcay, get over here.”
Arcadia shuffled over to Ox, nearly crawling. She wrapped him in a gentle hug, careful not to disturb his wounds. He raised his arms and wrapped the human-shadeling in a hug. Her head nestled against his shoulder and she whispered something. The rest of us tried to give them what space we could. When Arcadia broke off the hug and sat back on her haunches, the white spots of skin on her face near her eyes were splotched red with tears. She turned to the rest of us.
“I cannot thank you enough. You all did what no one else was willing to.” It looked like she was searching for more words, but was having a hard time coming up with them. “We cannot thank you enough.”
Ox nodded low in an approximation of a bow.
“Assuming we’ve put enough distance between ourselves and the city, I think we’re safe for the moment. I should be ready to move on by nightfall.”
Oriwyn made a sound like someone lightly stepping on a chicken, a sort of strangled squawk with a burbling undercurrent thanks to her nose.
“Nightfall? As in nightfall tonight?!? As in you’re going to get up and walk tonight?” Her tone was incredulous, and I inclined to agree with her. Oxcard was clearly still not okay, and even if he could walk I didn’t think it would do his stitching any favors. Arcadia just smiled and stood up.
“Okay, we can get moving tonight if everyone else is okay to move. I’ve got a few golems here, and this time someone will be awake enough they won’t rip themselves open trying to get away from someone who is trying to help them.”
It was amazing how quickly her tone changed. She had just been tearfully hugging him, and now she sounded wry and sarcastic at her brother’s antics like he was a six year old who had brought her a mud pie or something. I shook my head in wonder - none of the rest of us in the party had siblings as we all were only children. Obviously Arcadia and Oxcard had not been born to the same mother - my rudimentary knowledge of how the birds and bees worked with the ancestries in Tala indicated as much - but still, they acted like how I thought siblings acted, and they obviously shared a deep bond. It felt good to have that dynamic around, as if it were something the rest of us might have been missing as a group. Shaking myself out of my reverie, I decided to make an announcement.
“I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to offer the two of you a chance to join our group.” I looked around at the existing members of the party, and they all nodded happily. Oriwyn nodded so aggressively she winced as the movement jostled her injured nose. Arcadia and Oxcard looked at each other. I hastened on to add more.
“You don’t need to decide now of course. Actually, if you’ll have us, I was going to ask if we could accompany you to wherever you planned to go Arcadia. We should be safer in a group if any part of the road is likely to be treacherous, plus new company is always a good thing.”
Oxcard said a few quiet things to Arcadia, who said a few quiet things back. I tried not to listen in despite my burning curiosity. Oxcard shrugged and said something else, and then Arcadia turned back to us all.
“My plan was to go to Diareen. It’s a trade city out towards the northern edge of the province. It’s not as big as Tripit, but I figured it would be big enough that we could find something to do.” Arcadia’s face fell a bit as she continued. “Also, I figured that having the river boats as well as the roads would make it easier to escape if Daisy caught up with us.”
The mood in the clearing soured as Daisy’s name was uttered, but after a few seconds Leor did her best to break the tension.
“Diareen, huh? Can’t say I’ve heard of it before, but it sounds like as good a plan as any. I vote that we follow along with Arcadia.”
There was a quick chorus of agreement as the rest of the party also expressed their support of the plan. We hadn’t spent long in Tripit, but we hoped this would also work well for us - we figured we could look for work as guards for a river boat or something. The only thing I was certain of was that it would be a long time before I accepted another rescue mission unless I absolutely couldn’t avoid it. I still felt a little nervous and jittery from the night before, and despite feeling mostly better the memory of the nightmare hung around in the back of my mind like the aftertaste of a bitter plant.
With our path being decided, I perked up and pushed down the previous night’s terrors. I felt a trickle of energy flow into my limbs and looked around the campground properly.
“Okay! With that being said, let’s make preparations for travel. How long is it to Diareen, Arcadia?”
Arcadia stayed kneeled next to Ox. As she spoke I noticed that she looked very tired - this whole ordeal had taken a huge toll on her, and it was beginning to show. I hoped I could convince her to take it easy for a bit. Regardless, she thought for a moment before giving me an estimate.
“About three weeks unfortunately, unless we get very lucky and the teamster is headed that way. Also at some point the road will go by the river so we could try and catch a river boat - they aren’t fast, especially since they’d be headed upstream instead of down, and we would need to pay our way, but we wouldn’t need to walk!”
I nodded, not particularly relishing the idea of that long spent traveling but resolved to its necessity. Leor spoke up with a question.
“Are there towns on the way? I don’t know how we’re doing with money exactly, but three weeks is a long time. We will definitely want lodging and we may even need to stop to take on work.”
Ox answered as Arcadia was trying to remember the route.
“Though Arcadia and I haven’t left Tripit much, I’m aware of some of the routes and where they lead. By my reckoning we have four or five small villages and two places big enough I’d call ‘em towns. Could be worse.”
I nodded, relieved. If the places that Ox had mentioned were spread out relatively evenly, that would be a village every few days - that felt a lot better than the ten day trek from Eightside to Tripit. With a grin, I stood and stretched.
“Well, I’ve been asleep too long today as it stands. Let’s get things prepared around here so we can head out tonight!”
There was a flurry of activity afterwards. With much protest, we managed to convince Arcadia to lay down for some rest. Despite her repeated insistence that she wasn’t tired, she was asleep within a minute of laying down and slept almost until nightfall. Oxcard also lounged, drifting into fitful bouts of sleep. As they rested, the rest of us tried to get things shifted around and packed as best we could. Most of our stuff had been at the Sable Sky since stealth had been so paramount to our mission, so we would need to wait for the teamster - Alex - to get back to actually be fully ready to go.
In addition to packing and resting, Oxcard, Oriwyn, and Laran took another go at closing Oxcard’s wound. I made the mistake of watching them remove the old stitching and had to stumble away to get sick in a bush. Eventually, I got the all-clear from Laran and came back into the clearing. Oriwyn had a bucket full of bloody rags that she was going to take to a river and wash. Leor volunteered to go with her, and the two of them left. Meanwhile Oxcard was sitting propped up fully after some time to recover and looked a little better, though redoing the stitches had obviously caused him pain. By the time Alex returned, Oxcard looked like he might actually be healthy enough to walk.
We still didn’t let him of course.
I talked with Alex a bit, thanking them for their help and making good on the price that they had haggled down from Laran the night previous. They offered to give us a ride, which we gladly accepted, and helped us pack our bags up as well. In return for their kindness I offered whatever services we could render to make their journey more comfortable. They accepted, though both of us knew there wasn’t much we could do to help. We learned that Alex would be able to take us as far as Squat’s Hollow - about a third of the total journey - before needing to attend to their own business, which was about as lucky as we could reasonably hope to be. As night began to fall, we had everything loaded on the teamster’s wagon, including Oxcard. Just in case, Oriwyn went ahead of the impromptu caravan to check for any of Daisy’s goons, but seeing no one, we made our way out to the road and started on the next stage of our journey.
Elsewhere: The large man was on his tiptoes trying to reach the top of a shelf, straining to get the can of beans down. Frustrated, he rocked his weight back down onto his heels and glared at the beans disdainfully. With a sigh, he called for his wife to help him out, hoping she wasn’t busy with customers. As his wife opened the door, he reflected on how lucky he had been to find her - she was kind, warm, smart, had a great way when dealing with people, and was taller than him by at least half a head. The man didn’t know why he liked tall women, but he knew he certainly did and fate had seen fit to imbue this lovely giantess with everything else he had been looking for in a partner. She immediately saw the offending can and got it down for him, taking a quick moment to give the man a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. A goofy smile spread across his face as she turned back and closed the storeroom door, returning to the desk at the front of the building. After all, Yada’s combination inn, bath-house, and general store was the only thing in the woods for miles, and someone would always show up eventually.
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submitted by RedCastoff to HFY [link] [comments]
Chapter 26 - Rest for the Righteous
Last Time: Aiden, Laran, Leor, and Oriwyn - under the employ of Arcadia - executed a daring plan to rescue Oxcard from the clutches of the crime boss Daisy. They managed to get to his room without trouble, but leaving proved to be much more difficult. Laran was cornered and forced to fight several thugs after being seen while skulking around Daisy’s compound. The rest of the party found him and made sure he won the fight but were unable to prevent one of the thugs from alerting the entire building to their presence. What followed was a harrowing flight from Daisy’s forces and Daisy herself. With Leor’s assistance, everyone was able to clear the building and run off into the night, but not without sustaining several injuries. The party made good their getaway however with their client and target in tow and, determined to stay ahead of Daisy’s reprisal, left the city of Tripit behind.
Daisy clutched my throat, the slashes across her face leaking crimson blood that pooled in her snarled teeth. She looked like a wild thing and had me both lifted and pinned to a wall as if I weighed almost nothing. I struggled to breath, kicking my legs feebly, until I suddenly woke up.
Laran was staring down at me. He looked very concerned and more than a little frightened. It took my brain another few seconds to adjust to our surroundings and fully shake off the nightmare.
All of us were arrayed around a clearing underneath hastily constructed tents. I could see Oriwyn crouched beside Ox, who was laying out in the middle of the clearing. Oriwyn’s nose was swollen and her green skin was mottled purple around it - her face looked a little crooked in general, but she seemed to be moving fine enough. Arcadia stood next to the pair, holding a fan and waving it at Oxcard’s face. Groaning, I sat up. Leor sat on a tree stump and glanced at me with a tired grin. Brams lay curled up by her feet, and every once in a while I noticed she would reach down and scratch his head while Oriwyn busied herself with Oxcard.
As I sat up, Laran’s concerned expression broke into a relieved smile so genuine that it made my heart hurt. I wasn’t even injured, yet here he was acting like I’d just gotten up off my death bed. My head still felt fuzzy, so when he held a canteen out to me I took it gladly and took a big drink of water. I granted myself a few moments of silence before getting down to the business of trying to lead again.
“Where exactly are we again? I remember slumping down on the road when Arcadia’s golem gave out, but I don’t really remember anything after that.”
Laran smiled and nodded. The sun shone down on his jade-green skin and helped burn away the remaining damp from the night before. Laran sat back and seemed to finally properly relax. As he did, I couldn’t stop my attention from being wholly drawn to him.
In that moment he was really, really good to look at. And listen to. And be around.
“Ain’t surprised you don’t remember much - we had a time a’ things for sure. Last night - g’morning by the way - a teamster named Alex found us and dragged our sorry hides to this clearin’ off the road. They didn’t ask much about us, though they seemed to get the impression we were in need a’ help something fierce. Right now they’re headed back to Tripit to get our stuff from the Sable Sky - I worked out a price to make it worth their time and delay, then they only accepted half o’ it - and we’re patching everyone up.”
I nodded thoughtfully and took another swig of water. As I swished it in my mouth I realized my throat felt raw as if I’d been yelling or screaming - I hoped I hadn’t been and that the raw feeling in my throat had been solely caused by stress. My mind flicked through a few things to say - I figured I was the Commander, and as bad as we all looked and felt we had still won - before I landed on a sardonic tone. It was time to celebrate with the troops.
“Well everyone, good work. Sorry for sleeping in - I need my beauty sleep much more than the rest of you!” I grinned in what I hoped was a confident way. Oriwyn laughed a bit - it sounded like it hurt her a little to laugh unfortunately - while Leor just snorted. My tone and face shifted to sincerity as I continued.
“More seriously everyone, I think we did it. I think we won despite the odds. How is Oxcard doing?”
I glanced at Arcadia. Tears welled in her eyes and I could tell she was furiously blinking them back.
“Ox is okay, or stable at least. He keeps on breathing and Ori thinks she’s finally managed to fully stem the bleeding.” Arcadia looked down, worried, at her brother. Oriwyn smiled up at her and stood, wiping her slightly bloody hands on a cloth she had on her person. The goblin-mouse reached over and patted the taller woman’s shoulder.
“He’ll be right as rain, especially when he wakes up I think. He’s really quite deft with a needle - I’ve seen sloppier stitch work on people’s pants than he managed to do to himself.”
The ghost of a smile touched Arcadia’s lips as she gazed down at the sleeping Oxcard.
“Yes, he’s always been good with needle and thread. He was the one who kept our clothes in good repair when we were growing up, and unfortunately this isn’t his first improvised surgery. Ox is a survivor. He’ll pull through.”
I noticed, but obviously chose not to comment on, the quiver in her voice when she said that her brother would pull through. I looked him over myself - he seemed to be breathing evenly, and there were some bandages tied around his whole torso that were yet to be spotted with blood, so that seemed like a good sign at least. Satisfied, I turned back to address the group as a whole.
“Can I get a status report from everyone? How are we all doing?”
Laran immediately answered.
“I thought you might want to know! For injuries, I’ve received a small cut on my torso. Arcadia has some pretty bad gashes on her left palm and right forearm. Oriwyn is bruised and her nose was broken - Leor snapped it back in place a few hours ago when Ori started having some trouble breathing, so it looks pretty nasty. Speaking of Leor, she has some burns on her hands from her stunt with the lightning, but Ori managed to find some weird plant I’d never heard of that’s been helping with the pain. Finally, Brams got something of a cut, but it isn’t very deep. It is on his wing though, so as it is healing he will need to be careful about moving too much.”
I nodded and thanked Laran for his report. He looked pleased with himself, and I resolved to thank him privately later for helping me lead the team. All in all, we had gotten off relatively okay. All of us were alive and we had managed to achieve our objective. I took a moment to savor the victory before my mind stumbled into the next inevitable question.
What now?
I sighed as I began to contemplate the question. We likely couldn’t go back to Tripit since Daisy knew what we looked like. Leor might be able to chance it since she’d been outside the whole time, but even then I didn’t think any of us were in a hurry to test that theory out. As another consideration, Arcadia had been through a lot with us, and I felt like I needed to address that fact before too awful long.
“Arcadia, what’s your plan? Or what was your plan? Because I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we don’t want to go back to Tripit any time soon.” I said it with a laugh, but Arcadia looked anxious. I suddenly realized what I said could come across as accusatory. “Hey, it’s not your fault. We knew what we were signing up for and we all did it willingly.”
“You shouldn’t have. Glad you did though.”
The voice was scratchy and strained, husky and rough. We all whipped around to see Ox’s head slightly raised. He had a hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. As we stared at the newly awakened orc, Arcadia sank to her knees and started crying what I could only assume were happy tears. Oxcard grinned thinly and shuffled back, bracing himself against the pillow that had been jammed under his head in an attempt to sit up a little straighter.
“Come on Arcay, get over here.”
Arcadia shuffled over to Ox, nearly crawling. She wrapped him in a gentle hug, careful not to disturb his wounds. He raised his arms and wrapped the human-shadeling in a hug. Her head nestled against his shoulder and she whispered something. The rest of us tried to give them what space we could. When Arcadia broke off the hug and sat back on her haunches, the white spots of skin on her face near her eyes were splotched red with tears. She turned to the rest of us.
“I cannot thank you enough. You all did what no one else was willing to.” It looked like she was searching for more words, but was having a hard time coming up with them. “We cannot thank you enough.”
Ox nodded low in an approximation of a bow.
“Assuming we’ve put enough distance between ourselves and the city, I think we’re safe for the moment. I should be ready to move on by nightfall.”
Oriwyn made a sound like someone lightly stepping on a chicken, a sort of strangled squawk with a burbling undercurrent thanks to her nose.
“Nightfall? As in nightfall tonight?!? As in you’re going to get up and walk tonight?” Her tone was incredulous, and I inclined to agree with her. Oxcard was clearly still not okay, and even if he could walk I didn’t think it would do his stitching any favors. Arcadia just smiled and stood up.
“Okay, we can get moving tonight if everyone else is okay to move. I’ve got a few golems here, and this time someone will be awake enough they won’t rip themselves open trying to get away from someone who is trying to help them.”
It was amazing how quickly her tone changed. She had just been tearfully hugging him, and now she sounded wry and sarcastic at her brother’s antics like he was a six year old who had brought her a mud pie or something. I shook my head in wonder - none of the rest of us in the party had siblings as we all were only children. Obviously Arcadia and Oxcard had not been born to the same mother - my rudimentary knowledge of how the birds and bees worked with the ancestries in Tala indicated as much - but still, they acted like how I thought siblings acted, and they obviously shared a deep bond. It felt good to have that dynamic around, as if it were something the rest of us might have been missing as a group. Shaking myself out of my reverie, I decided to make an announcement.
“I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to offer the two of you a chance to join our group.” I looked around at the existing members of the party, and they all nodded happily. Oriwyn nodded so aggressively she winced as the movement jostled her injured nose. Arcadia and Oxcard looked at each other. I hastened on to add more.
“You don’t need to decide now of course. Actually, if you’ll have us, I was going to ask if we could accompany you to wherever you planned to go Arcadia. We should be safer in a group if any part of the road is likely to be treacherous, plus new company is always a good thing.”
Oxcard said a few quiet things to Arcadia, who said a few quiet things back. I tried not to listen in despite my burning curiosity. Oxcard shrugged and said something else, and then Arcadia turned back to us all.
“My plan was to go to Diareen. It’s a trade city out towards the northern edge of the province. It’s not as big as Tripit, but I figured it would be big enough that we could find something to do.” Arcadia’s face fell a bit as she continued. “Also, I figured that having the river boats as well as the roads would make it easier to escape if Daisy caught up with us.”
The mood in the clearing soured as Daisy’s name was uttered, but after a few seconds Leor did her best to break the tension.
“Diareen, huh? Can’t say I’ve heard of it before, but it sounds like as good a plan as any. I vote that we follow along with Arcadia.”
There was a quick chorus of agreement as the rest of the party also expressed their support of the plan. We hadn’t spent long in Tripit, but we hoped this would also work well for us - we figured we could look for work as guards for a river boat or something. The only thing I was certain of was that it would be a long time before I accepted another rescue mission unless I absolutely couldn’t avoid it. I still felt a little nervous and jittery from the night before, and despite feeling mostly better the memory of the nightmare hung around in the back of my mind like the aftertaste of a bitter plant.
With our path being decided, I perked up and pushed down the previous night’s terrors. I felt a trickle of energy flow into my limbs and looked around the campground properly.
“Okay! With that being said, let’s make preparations for travel. How long is it to Diareen, Arcadia?”
Arcadia stayed kneeled next to Ox. As she spoke I noticed that she looked very tired - this whole ordeal had taken a huge toll on her, and it was beginning to show. I hoped I could convince her to take it easy for a bit. Regardless, she thought for a moment before giving me an estimate.
“About three weeks unfortunately, unless we get very lucky and the teamster is headed that way. Also at some point the road will go by the river so we could try and catch a river boat - they aren’t fast, especially since they’d be headed upstream instead of down, and we would need to pay our way, but we wouldn’t need to walk!”
I nodded, not particularly relishing the idea of that long spent traveling but resolved to its necessity. Leor spoke up with a question.
“Are there towns on the way? I don’t know how we’re doing with money exactly, but three weeks is a long time. We will definitely want lodging and we may even need to stop to take on work.”
Ox answered as Arcadia was trying to remember the route.
“Though Arcadia and I haven’t left Tripit much, I’m aware of some of the routes and where they lead. By my reckoning we have four or five small villages and two places big enough I’d call ‘em towns. Could be worse.”
I nodded, relieved. If the places that Ox had mentioned were spread out relatively evenly, that would be a village every few days - that felt a lot better than the ten day trek from Eightside to Tripit. With a grin, I stood and stretched.
“Well, I’ve been asleep too long today as it stands. Let’s get things prepared around here so we can head out tonight!”
There was a flurry of activity afterwards. With much protest, we managed to convince Arcadia to lay down for some rest. Despite her repeated insistence that she wasn’t tired, she was asleep within a minute of laying down and slept almost until nightfall. Oxcard also lounged, drifting into fitful bouts of sleep. As they rested, the rest of us tried to get things shifted around and packed as best we could. Most of our stuff had been at the Sable Sky since stealth had been so paramount to our mission, so we would need to wait for the teamster - Alex - to get back to actually be fully ready to go.
In addition to packing and resting, Oxcard, Oriwyn, and Laran took another go at closing Oxcard’s wound. I made the mistake of watching them remove the old stitching and had to stumble away to get sick in a bush. Eventually, I got the all-clear from Laran and came back into the clearing. Oriwyn had a bucket full of bloody rags that she was going to take to a river and wash. Leor volunteered to go with her, and the two of them left. Meanwhile Oxcard was sitting propped up fully after some time to recover and looked a little better, though redoing the stitches had obviously caused him pain. By the time Alex returned, Oxcard looked like he might actually be healthy enough to walk.
We still didn’t let him of course.
I talked with Alex a bit, thanking them for their help and making good on the price that they had haggled down from Laran the night previous. They offered to give us a ride, which we gladly accepted, and helped us pack our bags up as well. In return for their kindness I offered whatever services we could render to make their journey more comfortable. They accepted, though both of us knew there wasn’t much we could do to help. We learned that Alex would be able to take us as far as Squat’s Hollow - about a third of the total journey - before needing to attend to their own business, which was about as lucky as we could reasonably hope to be. As night began to fall, we had everything loaded on the teamster’s wagon, including Oxcard. Just in case, Oriwyn went ahead of the impromptu caravan to check for any of Daisy’s goons, but seeing no one, we made our way out to the road and started on the next stage of our journey.
Elsewhere: The large man was on his tiptoes trying to reach the top of a shelf, straining to get the can of beans down. Frustrated, he rocked his weight back down onto his heels and glared at the beans disdainfully. With a sigh, he called for his wife to help him out, hoping she wasn’t busy with customers. As his wife opened the door, he reflected on how lucky he had been to find her - she was kind, warm, smart, had a great way when dealing with people, and was taller than him by at least half a head. The man didn’t know why he liked tall women, but he knew he certainly did and fate had seen fit to imbue this lovely giantess with everything else he had been looking for in a partner. She immediately saw the offending can and got it down for him, taking a quick moment to give the man a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. A goofy smile spread across his face as she turned back and closed the storeroom door, returning to the desk at the front of the building. After all, Yada’s combination inn, bath-house, and general store was the only thing in the woods for miles, and someone would always show up eventually.
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2023.06.02 19:16 RedCastoff [I Became a Commander, Whatever that Means] - Chapter 26
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Chapter 26 - Rest for the Righteous
Last Time: Aiden, Laran, Leor, and Oriwyn - under the employ of Arcadia - executed a daring plan to rescue Oxcard from the clutches of the crime boss Daisy. They managed to get to his room without trouble, but leaving proved to be much more difficult. Laran was cornered and forced to fight several thugs after being seen while skulking around Daisy’s compound. The rest of the party found him and made sure he won the fight but were unable to prevent one of the thugs from alerting the entire building to their presence. What followed was a harrowing flight from Daisy’s forces and Daisy herself. With Leor’s assistance, everyone was able to clear the building and run off into the night, but not without sustaining several injuries. The party made good their getaway however with their client and target in tow and, determined to stay ahead of Daisy’s reprisal, left the city of Tripit behind.
Daisy clutched my throat, the slashes across her face leaking crimson blood that pooled in her snarled teeth. She looked like a wild thing and had me both lifted and pinned to a wall as if I weighed almost nothing. I struggled to breath, kicking my legs feebly, until I suddenly woke up.
Laran was staring down at me. He looked very concerned and more than a little frightened. It took my brain another few seconds to adjust to our surroundings and fully shake off the nightmare.
All of us were arrayed around a clearing underneath hastily constructed tents. I could see Oriwyn crouched beside Ox, who was laying out in the middle of the clearing. Oriwyn’s nose was swollen and her green skin was mottled purple around it - her face looked a little crooked in general, but she seemed to be moving fine enough. Arcadia stood next to the pair, holding a fan and waving it at Oxcard’s face. Groaning, I sat up. Leor sat on a tree stump and glanced at me with a tired grin. Brams lay curled up by her feet, and every once in a while I noticed she would reach down and scratch his head while Oriwyn busied herself with Oxcard.
As I sat up, Laran’s concerned expression broke into a relieved smile so genuine that it made my heart hurt. I wasn’t even injured, yet here he was acting like I’d just gotten up off my death bed. My head still felt fuzzy, so when he held a canteen out to me I took it gladly and took a big drink of water. I granted myself a few moments of silence before getting down to the business of trying to lead again.
“Where exactly are we again? I remember slumping down on the road when Arcadia’s golem gave out, but I don’t really remember anything after that.”
Laran smiled and nodded. The sun shone down on his jade-green skin and helped burn away the remaining damp from the night before. Laran sat back and seemed to finally properly relax. As he did, I couldn’t stop my attention from being wholly drawn to him.
In that moment he was really, really good to look at. And listen to. And be around.
“Ain’t surprised you don’t remember much - we had a time a’ things for sure. Last night - g’morning by the way - a teamster named Alex found us and dragged our sorry hides to this clearin’ off the road. They didn’t ask much about us, though they seemed to get the impression we were in need a’ help something fierce. Right now they’re headed back to Tripit to get our stuff from the Sable Sky - I worked out a price to make it worth their time and delay, then they only accepted half o’ it - and we’re patching everyone up.”
I nodded thoughtfully and took another swig of water. As I swished it in my mouth I realized my throat felt raw as if I’d been yelling or screaming - I hoped I hadn’t been and that the raw feeling in my throat had been solely caused by stress. My mind flicked through a few things to say - I figured I was the Commander, and as bad as we all looked and felt we had still won - before I landed on a sardonic tone. It was time to celebrate with the troops.
“Well everyone, good work. Sorry for sleeping in - I need my beauty sleep much more than the rest of you!” I grinned in what I hoped was a confident way. Oriwyn laughed a bit - it sounded like it hurt her a little to laugh unfortunately - while Leor just snorted. My tone and face shifted to sincerity as I continued.
“More seriously everyone, I think we did it. I think we won despite the odds. How is Oxcard doing?”
I glanced at Arcadia. Tears welled in her eyes and I could tell she was furiously blinking them back.
“Ox is okay, or stable at least. He keeps on breathing and Ori thinks she’s finally managed to fully stem the bleeding.” Arcadia looked down, worried, at her brother. Oriwyn smiled up at her and stood, wiping her slightly bloody hands on a cloth she had on her person. The goblin-mouse reached over and patted the taller woman’s shoulder.
“He’ll be right as rain, especially when he wakes up I think. He’s really quite deft with a needle - I’ve seen sloppier stitch work on people’s pants than he managed to do to himself.”
The ghost of a smile touched Arcadia’s lips as she gazed down at the sleeping Oxcard.
“Yes, he’s always been good with needle and thread. He was the one who kept our clothes in good repair when we were growing up, and unfortunately this isn’t his first improvised surgery. Ox is a survivor. He’ll pull through.”
I noticed, but obviously chose not to comment on, the quiver in her voice when she said that her brother would pull through. I looked him over myself - he seemed to be breathing evenly, and there were some bandages tied around his whole torso that were yet to be spotted with blood, so that seemed like a good sign at least. Satisfied, I turned back to address the group as a whole.
“Can I get a status report from everyone? How are we all doing?”
Laran immediately answered.
“I thought you might want to know! For injuries, I’ve received a small cut on my torso. Arcadia has some pretty bad gashes on her left palm and right forearm. Oriwyn is bruised and her nose was broken - Leor snapped it back in place a few hours ago when Ori started having some trouble breathing, so it looks pretty nasty. Speaking of Leor, she has some burns on her hands from her stunt with the lightning, but Ori managed to find some weird plant I’d never heard of that’s been helping with the pain. Finally, Brams got something of a cut, but it isn’t very deep. It is on his wing though, so as it is healing he will need to be careful about moving too much.”
I nodded and thanked Laran for his report. He looked pleased with himself, and I resolved to thank him privately later for helping me lead the team. All in all, we had gotten off relatively okay. All of us were alive and we had managed to achieve our objective. I took a moment to savor the victory before my mind stumbled into the next inevitable question.
What now?
I sighed as I began to contemplate the question. We likely couldn’t go back to Tripit since Daisy knew what we looked like. Leor might be able to chance it since she’d been outside the whole time, but even then I didn’t think any of us were in a hurry to test that theory out. As another consideration, Arcadia had been through a lot with us, and I felt like I needed to address that fact before too awful long.
“Arcadia, what’s your plan? Or what was your plan? Because I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we don’t want to go back to Tripit any time soon.” I said it with a laugh, but Arcadia looked anxious. I suddenly realized what I said could come across as accusatory. “Hey, it’s not your fault. We knew what we were signing up for and we all did it willingly.”
“You shouldn’t have. Glad you did though.”
The voice was scratchy and strained, husky and rough. We all whipped around to see Ox’s head slightly raised. He had a hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. As we stared at the newly awakened orc, Arcadia sank to her knees and started crying what I could only assume were happy tears. Oxcard grinned thinly and shuffled back, bracing himself against the pillow that had been jammed under his head in an attempt to sit up a little straighter.
“Come on Arcay, get over here.”
Arcadia shuffled over to Ox, nearly crawling. She wrapped him in a gentle hug, careful not to disturb his wounds. He raised his arms and wrapped the human-shadeling in a hug. Her head nestled against his shoulder and she whispered something. The rest of us tried to give them what space we could. When Arcadia broke off the hug and sat back on her haunches, the white spots of skin on her face near her eyes were splotched red with tears. She turned to the rest of us.
“I cannot thank you enough. You all did what no one else was willing to.” It looked like she was searching for more words, but was having a hard time coming up with them. “We cannot thank you enough.”
Ox nodded low in an approximation of a bow.
“Assuming we’ve put enough distance between ourselves and the city, I think we’re safe for the moment. I should be ready to move on by nightfall.”
Oriwyn made a sound like someone lightly stepping on a chicken, a sort of strangled squawk with a burbling undercurrent thanks to her nose.
“Nightfall? As in nightfall tonight?!? As in you’re going to get up and walk tonight?” Her tone was incredulous, and I inclined to agree with her. Oxcard was clearly still not okay, and even if he could walk I didn’t think it would do his stitching any favors. Arcadia just smiled and stood up.
“Okay, we can get moving tonight if everyone else is okay to move. I’ve got a few golems here, and this time someone will be awake enough they won’t rip themselves open trying to get away from someone who is trying to help them.”
It was amazing how quickly her tone changed. She had just been tearfully hugging him, and now she sounded wry and sarcastic at her brother’s antics like he was a six year old who had brought her a mud pie or something. I shook my head in wonder - none of the rest of us in the party had siblings as we all were only children. Obviously Arcadia and Oxcard had not been born to the same mother - my rudimentary knowledge of how the birds and bees worked with the ancestries in Tala indicated as much - but still, they acted like how I thought siblings acted, and they obviously shared a deep bond. It felt good to have that dynamic around, as if it were something the rest of us might have been missing as a group. Shaking myself out of my reverie, I decided to make an announcement.
“I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to offer the two of you a chance to join our group.” I looked around at the existing members of the party, and they all nodded happily. Oriwyn nodded so aggressively she winced as the movement jostled her injured nose. Arcadia and Oxcard looked at each other. I hastened on to add more.
“You don’t need to decide now of course. Actually, if you’ll have us, I was going to ask if we could accompany you to wherever you planned to go Arcadia. We should be safer in a group if any part of the road is likely to be treacherous, plus new company is always a good thing.”
Oxcard said a few quiet things to Arcadia, who said a few quiet things back. I tried not to listen in despite my burning curiosity. Oxcard shrugged and said something else, and then Arcadia turned back to us all.
“My plan was to go to Diareen. It’s a trade city out towards the northern edge of the province. It’s not as big as Tripit, but I figured it would be big enough that we could find something to do.” Arcadia’s face fell a bit as she continued. “Also, I figured that having the river boats as well as the roads would make it easier to escape if Daisy caught up with us.”
The mood in the clearing soured as Daisy’s name was uttered, but after a few seconds Leor did her best to break the tension.
“Diareen, huh? Can’t say I’ve heard of it before, but it sounds like as good a plan as any. I vote that we follow along with Arcadia.”
There was a quick chorus of agreement as the rest of the party also expressed their support of the plan. We hadn’t spent long in Tripit, but we hoped this would also work well for us - we figured we could look for work as guards for a river boat or something. The only thing I was certain of was that it would be a long time before I accepted another rescue mission unless I absolutely couldn’t avoid it. I still felt a little nervous and jittery from the night before, and despite feeling mostly better the memory of the nightmare hung around in the back of my mind like the aftertaste of a bitter plant.
With our path being decided, I perked up and pushed down the previous night’s terrors. I felt a trickle of energy flow into my limbs and looked around the campground properly.
“Okay! With that being said, let’s make preparations for travel. How long is it to Diareen, Arcadia?”
Arcadia stayed kneeled next to Ox. As she spoke I noticed that she looked very tired - this whole ordeal had taken a huge toll on her, and it was beginning to show. I hoped I could convince her to take it easy for a bit. Regardless, she thought for a moment before giving me an estimate.
“About three weeks unfortunately, unless we get very lucky and the teamster is headed that way. Also at some point the road will go by the river so we could try and catch a river boat - they aren’t fast, especially since they’d be headed upstream instead of down, and we would need to pay our way, but we wouldn’t need to walk!”
I nodded, not particularly relishing the idea of that long spent traveling but resolved to its necessity. Leor spoke up with a question.
“Are there towns on the way? I don’t know how we’re doing with money exactly, but three weeks is a long time. We will definitely want lodging and we may even need to stop to take on work.”
Ox answered as Arcadia was trying to remember the route.
“Though Arcadia and I haven’t left Tripit much, I’m aware of some of the routes and where they lead. By my reckoning we have four or five small villages and two places big enough I’d call ‘em towns. Could be worse.”
I nodded, relieved. If the places that Ox had mentioned were spread out relatively evenly, that would be a village every few days - that felt a lot better than the ten day trek from Eightside to Tripit. With a grin, I stood and stretched.
“Well, I’ve been asleep too long today as it stands. Let’s get things prepared around here so we can head out tonight!”
There was a flurry of activity afterwards. With much protest, we managed to convince Arcadia to lay down for some rest. Despite her repeated insistence that she wasn’t tired, she was asleep within a minute of laying down and slept almost until nightfall. Oxcard also lounged, drifting into fitful bouts of sleep. As they rested, the rest of us tried to get things shifted around and packed as best we could. Most of our stuff had been at the Sable Sky since stealth had been so paramount to our mission, so we would need to wait for the teamster - Alex - to get back to actually be fully ready to go.
In addition to packing and resting, Oxcard, Oriwyn, and Laran took another go at closing Oxcard’s wound. I made the mistake of watching them remove the old stitching and had to stumble away to get sick in a bush. Eventually, I got the all-clear from Laran and came back into the clearing. Oriwyn had a bucket full of bloody rags that she was going to take to a river and wash. Leor volunteered to go with her, and the two of them left. Meanwhile Oxcard was sitting propped up fully after some time to recover and looked a little better, though redoing the stitches had obviously caused him pain. By the time Alex returned, Oxcard looked like he might actually be healthy enough to walk.
We still didn’t let him of course.
I talked with Alex a bit, thanking them for their help and making good on the price that they had haggled down from Laran the night previous. They offered to give us a ride, which we gladly accepted, and helped us pack our bags up as well. In return for their kindness I offered whatever services we could render to make their journey more comfortable. They accepted, though both of us knew there wasn’t much we could do to help. We learned that Alex would be able to take us as far as Squat’s Hollow - about a third of the total journey - before needing to attend to their own business, which was about as lucky as we could reasonably hope to be. As night began to fall, we had everything loaded on the teamster’s wagon, including Oxcard. Just in case, Oriwyn went ahead of the impromptu caravan to check for any of Daisy’s goons, but seeing no one, we made our way out to the road and started on the next stage of our journey.
Elsewhere: The large man was on his tiptoes trying to reach the top of a shelf, straining to get the can of beans down. Frustrated, he rocked his weight back down onto his heels and glared at the beans disdainfully. With a sigh, he called for his wife to help him out, hoping she wasn’t busy with customers. As his wife opened the door, he reflected on how lucky he had been to find her - she was kind, warm, smart, had a great way when dealing with people, and was taller than him by at least half a head. The man didn’t know why he liked tall women, but he knew he certainly did and fate had seen fit to imbue this lovely giantess with everything else he had been looking for in a partner. She immediately saw the offending can and got it down for him, taking a quick moment to give the man a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. A goofy smile spread across his face as she turned back and closed the storeroom door, returning to the desk at the front of the building. After all, Yada’s combination inn, bath-house, and general store was the only thing in the woods for miles, and someone would always show up eventually.
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Chapter 26 - Rest for the Righteous
Last Time: Aiden, Laran, Leor, and Oriwyn - under the employ of Arcadia - executed a daring plan to rescue Oxcard from the clutches of the crime boss Daisy. They managed to get to his room without trouble, but leaving proved to be much more difficult. Laran was cornered and forced to fight several thugs after being seen while skulking around Daisy’s compound. The rest of the party found him and made sure he won the fight but were unable to prevent one of the thugs from alerting the entire building to their presence. What followed was a harrowing flight from Daisy’s forces and Daisy herself. With Leor’s assistance, everyone was able to clear the building and run off into the night, but not without sustaining several injuries. The party made good their getaway however with their client and target in tow and, determined to stay ahead of Daisy’s reprisal, left the city of Tripit behind.
Daisy clutched my throat, the slashes across her face leaking crimson blood that pooled in her snarled teeth. She looked like a wild thing and had me both lifted and pinned to a wall as if I weighed almost nothing. I struggled to breath, kicking my legs feebly, until I suddenly woke up.
Laran was staring down at me. He looked very concerned and more than a little frightened. It took my brain another few seconds to adjust to our surroundings and fully shake off the nightmare.
All of us were arrayed around a clearing underneath hastily constructed tents. I could see Oriwyn crouched beside Ox, who was laying out in the middle of the clearing. Oriwyn’s nose was swollen and her green skin was mottled purple around it - her face looked a little crooked in general, but she seemed to be moving fine enough. Arcadia stood next to the pair, holding a fan and waving it at Oxcard’s face. Groaning, I sat up. Leor sat on a tree stump and glanced at me with a tired grin. Brams lay curled up by her feet, and every once in a while I noticed she would reach down and scratch his head while Oriwyn busied herself with Oxcard.
As I sat up, Laran’s concerned expression broke into a relieved smile so genuine that it made my heart hurt. I wasn’t even injured, yet here he was acting like I’d just gotten up off my death bed. My head still felt fuzzy, so when he held a canteen out to me I took it gladly and took a big drink of water. I granted myself a few moments of silence before getting down to the business of trying to lead again.
“Where exactly are we again? I remember slumping down on the road when Arcadia’s golem gave out, but I don’t really remember anything after that.”
Laran smiled and nodded. The sun shone down on his jade-green skin and helped burn away the remaining damp from the night before. Laran sat back and seemed to finally properly relax. As he did, I couldn’t stop my attention from being wholly drawn to him.
In that moment he was really, really good to look at. And listen to. And be around.
“Ain’t surprised you don’t remember much - we had a time a’ things for sure. Last night - g’morning by the way - a teamster named Alex found us and dragged our sorry hides to this clearin’ off the road. They didn’t ask much about us, though they seemed to get the impression we were in need a’ help something fierce. Right now they’re headed back to Tripit to get our stuff from the Sable Sky - I worked out a price to make it worth their time and delay, then they only accepted half o’ it - and we’re patching everyone up.”
I nodded thoughtfully and took another swig of water. As I swished it in my mouth I realized my throat felt raw as if I’d been yelling or screaming - I hoped I hadn’t been and that the raw feeling in my throat had been solely caused by stress. My mind flicked through a few things to say - I figured I was the Commander, and as bad as we all looked and felt we had still won - before I landed on a sardonic tone. It was time to celebrate with the troops.
“Well everyone, good work. Sorry for sleeping in - I need my beauty sleep much more than the rest of you!” I grinned in what I hoped was a confident way. Oriwyn laughed a bit - it sounded like it hurt her a little to laugh unfortunately - while Leor just snorted. My tone and face shifted to sincerity as I continued.
“More seriously everyone, I think we did it. I think we won despite the odds. How is Oxcard doing?”
I glanced at Arcadia. Tears welled in her eyes and I could tell she was furiously blinking them back.
“Ox is okay, or stable at least. He keeps on breathing and Ori thinks she’s finally managed to fully stem the bleeding.” Arcadia looked down, worried, at her brother. Oriwyn smiled up at her and stood, wiping her slightly bloody hands on a cloth she had on her person. The goblin-mouse reached over and patted the taller woman’s shoulder.
“He’ll be right as rain, especially when he wakes up I think. He’s really quite deft with a needle - I’ve seen sloppier stitch work on people’s pants than he managed to do to himself.”
The ghost of a smile touched Arcadia’s lips as she gazed down at the sleeping Oxcard.
“Yes, he’s always been good with needle and thread. He was the one who kept our clothes in good repair when we were growing up, and unfortunately this isn’t his first improvised surgery. Ox is a survivor. He’ll pull through.”
I noticed, but obviously chose not to comment on, the quiver in her voice when she said that her brother would pull through. I looked him over myself - he seemed to be breathing evenly, and there were some bandages tied around his whole torso that were yet to be spotted with blood, so that seemed like a good sign at least. Satisfied, I turned back to address the group as a whole.
“Can I get a status report from everyone? How are we all doing?”
Laran immediately answered.
“I thought you might want to know! For injuries, I’ve received a small cut on my torso. Arcadia has some pretty bad gashes on her left palm and right forearm. Oriwyn is bruised and her nose was broken - Leor snapped it back in place a few hours ago when Ori started having some trouble breathing, so it looks pretty nasty. Speaking of Leor, she has some burns on her hands from her stunt with the lightning, but Ori managed to find some weird plant I’d never heard of that’s been helping with the pain. Finally, Brams got something of a cut, but it isn’t very deep. It is on his wing though, so as it is healing he will need to be careful about moving too much.”
I nodded and thanked Laran for his report. He looked pleased with himself, and I resolved to thank him privately later for helping me lead the team. All in all, we had gotten off relatively okay. All of us were alive and we had managed to achieve our objective. I took a moment to savor the victory before my mind stumbled into the next inevitable question.
What now?
I sighed as I began to contemplate the question. We likely couldn’t go back to Tripit since Daisy knew what we looked like. Leor might be able to chance it since she’d been outside the whole time, but even then I didn’t think any of us were in a hurry to test that theory out. As another consideration, Arcadia had been through a lot with us, and I felt like I needed to address that fact before too awful long.
“Arcadia, what’s your plan? Or what was your plan? Because I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we don’t want to go back to Tripit any time soon.” I said it with a laugh, but Arcadia looked anxious. I suddenly realized what I said could come across as accusatory. “Hey, it’s not your fault. We knew what we were signing up for and we all did it willingly.”
“You shouldn’t have. Glad you did though.”
The voice was scratchy and strained, husky and rough. We all whipped around to see Ox’s head slightly raised. He had a hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. As we stared at the newly awakened orc, Arcadia sank to her knees and started crying what I could only assume were happy tears. Oxcard grinned thinly and shuffled back, bracing himself against the pillow that had been jammed under his head in an attempt to sit up a little straighter.
“Come on Arcay, get over here.”
Arcadia shuffled over to Ox, nearly crawling. She wrapped him in a gentle hug, careful not to disturb his wounds. He raised his arms and wrapped the human-shadeling in a hug. Her head nestled against his shoulder and she whispered something. The rest of us tried to give them what space we could. When Arcadia broke off the hug and sat back on her haunches, the white spots of skin on her face near her eyes were splotched red with tears. She turned to the rest of us.
“I cannot thank you enough. You all did what no one else was willing to.” It looked like she was searching for more words, but was having a hard time coming up with them. “We cannot thank you enough.”
Ox nodded low in an approximation of a bow.
“Assuming we’ve put enough distance between ourselves and the city, I think we’re safe for the moment. I should be ready to move on by nightfall.”
Oriwyn made a sound like someone lightly stepping on a chicken, a sort of strangled squawk with a burbling undercurrent thanks to her nose.
“Nightfall? As in nightfall tonight?!? As in you’re going to get up and walk tonight?” Her tone was incredulous, and I inclined to agree with her. Oxcard was clearly still not okay, and even if he could walk I didn’t think it would do his stitching any favors. Arcadia just smiled and stood up.
“Okay, we can get moving tonight if everyone else is okay to move. I’ve got a few golems here, and this time someone will be awake enough they won’t rip themselves open trying to get away from someone who is trying to help them.”
It was amazing how quickly her tone changed. She had just been tearfully hugging him, and now she sounded wry and sarcastic at her brother’s antics like he was a six year old who had brought her a mud pie or something. I shook my head in wonder - none of the rest of us in the party had siblings as we all were only children. Obviously Arcadia and Oxcard had not been born to the same mother - my rudimentary knowledge of how the birds and bees worked with the ancestries in Tala indicated as much - but still, they acted like how I thought siblings acted, and they obviously shared a deep bond. It felt good to have that dynamic around, as if it were something the rest of us might have been missing as a group. Shaking myself out of my reverie, I decided to make an announcement.
“I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to offer the two of you a chance to join our group.” I looked around at the existing members of the party, and they all nodded happily. Oriwyn nodded so aggressively she winced as the movement jostled her injured nose. Arcadia and Oxcard looked at each other. I hastened on to add more.
“You don’t need to decide now of course. Actually, if you’ll have us, I was going to ask if we could accompany you to wherever you planned to go Arcadia. We should be safer in a group if any part of the road is likely to be treacherous, plus new company is always a good thing.”
Oxcard said a few quiet things to Arcadia, who said a few quiet things back. I tried not to listen in despite my burning curiosity. Oxcard shrugged and said something else, and then Arcadia turned back to us all.
“My plan was to go to Diareen. It’s a trade city out towards the northern edge of the province. It’s not as big as Tripit, but I figured it would be big enough that we could find something to do.” Arcadia’s face fell a bit as she continued. “Also, I figured that having the river boats as well as the roads would make it easier to escape if Daisy caught up with us.”
The mood in the clearing soured as Daisy’s name was uttered, but after a few seconds Leor did her best to break the tension.
“Diareen, huh? Can’t say I’ve heard of it before, but it sounds like as good a plan as any. I vote that we follow along with Arcadia.”
There was a quick chorus of agreement as the rest of the party also expressed their support of the plan. We hadn’t spent long in Tripit, but we hoped this would also work well for us - we figured we could look for work as guards for a river boat or something. The only thing I was certain of was that it would be a long time before I accepted another rescue mission unless I absolutely couldn’t avoid it. I still felt a little nervous and jittery from the night before, and despite feeling mostly better the memory of the nightmare hung around in the back of my mind like the aftertaste of a bitter plant.
With our path being decided, I perked up and pushed down the previous night’s terrors. I felt a trickle of energy flow into my limbs and looked around the campground properly.
“Okay! With that being said, let’s make preparations for travel. How long is it to Diareen, Arcadia?”
Arcadia stayed kneeled next to Ox. As she spoke I noticed that she looked very tired - this whole ordeal had taken a huge toll on her, and it was beginning to show. I hoped I could convince her to take it easy for a bit. Regardless, she thought for a moment before giving me an estimate.
“About three weeks unfortunately, unless we get very lucky and the teamster is headed that way. Also at some point the road will go by the river so we could try and catch a river boat - they aren’t fast, especially since they’d be headed upstream instead of down, and we would need to pay our way, but we wouldn’t need to walk!”
I nodded, not particularly relishing the idea of that long spent traveling but resolved to its necessity. Leor spoke up with a question.
“Are there towns on the way? I don’t know how we’re doing with money exactly, but three weeks is a long time. We will definitely want lodging and we may even need to stop to take on work.”
Ox answered as Arcadia was trying to remember the route.
“Though Arcadia and I haven’t left Tripit much, I’m aware of some of the routes and where they lead. By my reckoning we have four or five small villages and two places big enough I’d call ‘em towns. Could be worse.”
I nodded, relieved. If the places that Ox had mentioned were spread out relatively evenly, that would be a village every few days - that felt a lot better than the ten day trek from Eightside to Tripit. With a grin, I stood and stretched.
“Well, I’ve been asleep too long today as it stands. Let’s get things prepared around here so we can head out tonight!”
There was a flurry of activity afterwards. With much protest, we managed to convince Arcadia to lay down for some rest. Despite her repeated insistence that she wasn’t tired, she was asleep within a minute of laying down and slept almost until nightfall. Oxcard also lounged, drifting into fitful bouts of sleep. As they rested, the rest of us tried to get things shifted around and packed as best we could. Most of our stuff had been at the Sable Sky since stealth had been so paramount to our mission, so we would need to wait for the teamster - Alex - to get back to actually be fully ready to go.
In addition to packing and resting, Oxcard, Oriwyn, and Laran took another go at closing Oxcard’s wound. I made the mistake of watching them remove the old stitching and had to stumble away to get sick in a bush. Eventually, I got the all-clear from Laran and came back into the clearing. Oriwyn had a bucket full of bloody rags that she was going to take to a river and wash. Leor volunteered to go with her, and the two of them left. Meanwhile Oxcard was sitting propped up fully after some time to recover and looked a little better, though redoing the stitches had obviously caused him pain. By the time Alex returned, Oxcard looked like he might actually be healthy enough to walk.
We still didn’t let him of course.
I talked with Alex a bit, thanking them for their help and making good on the price that they had haggled down from Laran the night previous. They offered to give us a ride, which we gladly accepted, and helped us pack our bags up as well. In return for their kindness I offered whatever services we could render to make their journey more comfortable. They accepted, though both of us knew there wasn’t much we could do to help. We learned that Alex would be able to take us as far as Squat’s Hollow - about a third of the total journey - before needing to attend to their own business, which was about as lucky as we could reasonably hope to be. As night began to fall, we had everything loaded on the teamster’s wagon, including Oxcard. Just in case, Oriwyn went ahead of the impromptu caravan to check for any of Daisy’s goons, but seeing no one, we made our way out to the road and started on the next stage of our journey.
Elsewhere: The large man was on his tiptoes trying to reach the top of a shelf, straining to get the can of beans down. Frustrated, he rocked his weight back down onto his heels and glared at the beans disdainfully. With a sigh, he called for his wife to help him out, hoping she wasn’t busy with customers. As his wife opened the door, he reflected on how lucky he had been to find her - she was kind, warm, smart, had a great way when dealing with people, and was taller than him by at least half a head. The man didn’t know why he liked tall women, but he knew he certainly did and fate had seen fit to imbue this lovely giantess with everything else he had been looking for in a partner. She immediately saw the offending can and got it down for him, taking a quick moment to give the man a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. A goofy smile spread across his face as she turned back and closed the storeroom door, returning to the desk at the front of the building. After all, Yada’s combination inn, bath-house, and general store was the only thing in the woods for miles, and someone would always show up eventually.
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2023.06.02 18:56 Matt_the_Lego My 1st Pokemon Reincarnatelocke.
Now before I begin, I had experiences with Nuzlockes for a long time, that I turned into a Masochist, playing Ori on Hard Mode, playing Mega Man X7 from start to finish, played all 3 Pathways of Fire Emblem Fates, and even playing through every King of Fighters game, now I’m not gonna beat around the bush, so it’s time to talk about my first time trying out my new Nuzlocke Rules, for a refresher, in this playthrough you can only catch the first Pokemon you run into in each area, you have to nickname all the Pokemon you catch, and if a Pokemon Faints it’s dead, in addition to these core rules, I’m adding in a new rule.
This needs some explaining so take a seat, there are 2 Boxes, the Death Box and the Graveyard Box, the Graveyard Box is where Pokemon that faint go into and they can be brought back from the dead only once, in order to do that you need a Death Token, the afterlife box is where Pokemon are dead permanently, how do you get a Death Token? You get them by defeating the Gym Leader of that town, and the Death Token can only do 1 thing if your Pokemon is in the Graveyard, you have to revive one of your dead Pokemon in exchange for 1 Pokemon in your party, but you have to use it as soon as the gym leader is defeated, but if you don’t have any Pokemon in your Graveyard, then you can save it for later or use that Token to catch any Pokemon you want in a previous route, but you have to put your 1st encounter in the Afterlife Box, or revive one of your Party Members when they faint, but one of your Pokemon in your Box must be sacrificed.
Once you lose a battle and still have Pokemon in your graveyard, you can continue, but you’ll be penalized for it, you’ll have to skip out on your next encounter, and you’ll have to put one of your Boxed Pokemon into the Afterlife Box, and if all your Pokemon are in the Afterlife Box, then you will lose the challenge, but once you reach the Elite 4 and Champion, you’ll have to use all of the Death Tokens that you didn’t use, and if you don’t have any Death Tokens, you only have 1 shot to defeat the Elite 4 and Champion, because if you don’t then it’s all over, I call it the Reincarnatelocke got it? Good!
Now I’m playing Pokemon Platinum because I was leaning heavily towards that game to try my Nuzlocke Rule, Platinum is hard, but is the definitive way to play the Sinnoh Games, Diamond and Pearl were criticized for being so slow, a limited Pokedex and teams that trainers don’t normally use, and BDSP were bashed for being the worst remakes in the franchise, it was way too faithful to the original and it was outsourced, at least we got faster gameplay, and removed HMs, but I don’t own any of them, and I still have my copy of Platinum, but when I used that new Nuzlocke Rule, I lost to Roark, and I can’t comprehend how many times I’ve lost every Platinum Nuzlocke I’ve attempted, even when I cheated in an EXP Share, but I remembered something that the legendary Alpharad said, long story short, Grinding is cringe, and Cheating is Based, so as you can tell I’m packing Rare Candies from my Homebrewed 3DS and no I’m not editing Pokemon to have illegal moves, I’m just packing Rare Candies because I took Jacob’s word for it, and now I’m not playing around anymore, now let’s go to the Sinnoh Region and see what happens.
I was dragged out of my home, Barry went out of his way to go into the Tall Grass until Rowan stopped us, and Rowan gave us a Pokemon, since I was having worse luck with Chimchar, and Budew is a pain in the ass to evolve, I decided to go with Turtwig, I named him Leonardo, and beat up Barry’s Chimchar, blew my money on Potions, and PokeBalls, caught a Starly named Skystar, in Lake Verity, Memelord the Bidoof in Route 201, and Spark the Shinx in Route 202, therefore I went north to find a Budew named Masque, so I have a substitute in case Leo Kicks the Bucket, however I was training up my Pokemon for some precious EVs, and I ran into Alucard the Zubat, and I trained up Leo for Roark, and I went ahead and easily took out Barry with Skystar, and caught a Magikarp named Ocean King, then when I arrived at Orburgh, I skipped my Orburgh Mines encounter because I wasn’t paying attention and these early Rock Types are worthless since you gain a better one later either Cranidos or Shieldon, therefore I went in to Roark’s gym and have Leo go all out, so once I withdrew 3x, the Geodude got 2 Crits, and Leo still lives since I used Absorb in between Withdraws, both Geodude and Onix were absorbed to death, and the reason why I kept withdrawing, it is because of his ace Cranidos.
Cranidos is the more offensive Pokemon and since earlier I taught Leo Razor Leaf, it ended up getting critted after tanking a Headbutt, and won me my 1st Death Token, and my 1st Gym Badge, since no Pokemon are in my graveyard, I decided to save the Death Token for a later time, and then finally Skystar evolved, and Spark evolved into Luxio, now when I fought a Bug Catcher, I was fighting a Kricketot when he used bide, he lived 2 bites from Alucard, he is gonna die if I used another Bite, but I have to resort to a Sacrifice, and use up my Death Token, so I sent in Ocean King and I think you know what happens next, but Memelord was willing to give up his life to save Ocean King so I used the Death Token, and Memelord took Ocean King’s place, I brought in Viola, and I went to the Valley Windworks to capture a Shellos named Muddy that’s just in case Ocean King joins Memelord when he kicks the bucket, and since Rare Candies misses out on some precious EVs and I’d be forced to resort to Vitamins.
So I brought Ocean King to a high enough level to evolve into Gyarados so I can be able to beat Mars with no problem, and at least he won’t be over Gardenia’s Level, oh and I didn’t mention that I can’t overlevel to beat the next Gym Leader’s Ace easily, then I fought Mars, Alucard took out her Zubat no problem, then when Purugly came out, I was ready to intimidate attack drop, until it’s attack is absurdly low, when I brought out Skystar, Ocean King, and Spark to be intimidate happy, Spark finished off her Purugly, we made it out with no casualties, then I was adamant to get a Ponyta, and…I ran into a Pachirisu, I depressingly caught the Pachirisu and named it Fail, when I got through Eterna Forest, Leo Evolved, and we went in Gardenia’s Gym, and I had a plan to take her team down, Stealth Rock to lower her health a bit, and have Alucard and Skystar to take down her team, Both Roserade and Alucard crit each other and Alucard hung in there, while Roserade was done for, Badge 2 and another Death token was ours.
When I entered the Galactic Building, I used the same pussy strat, but Stuntank killed Spark, so I tried to kill him with Leo, but he killed him too, I had to choose who to send to the graveyard until I get another Death Token, so I left Spark, and kept Leo, and sent Fail into the Afterlife, to revive Leo, I was so pissed, so I brought in Masque, as a substitute for Leo if he dies again, so I am not gonna sugarcoat it, Cynthia gave me an Egg to take care of, So I took it and it already hatched and I named her Ellie, so when I went to Wayward Cave, I was hoping to get a Gible but…I couldn’t pass on an encounter so I depressingly caught the Onix and named it Useless also showing my frustration over not getting a Garchomp, but when I went into Mt. Coronet, I found a Bronzor and named him Ring, I’ve decided to bring him on the team, then I finally got Alucard to evolve into Crobat, and Bebe the operator of the Sinnoh Storage System gave me an Eevee I named Robin after the character from Fire Emblem: Awakening. I then took both Ocean King and Alucard to go all out, but Ocean King fought Mismagius the Mismagius critted, and Ocean King perished to confusion.
I then took out Alucard to finish the job, but Ocean King will live on in memory, gone but not forgotten, Badge 3 was ours, but I gave up Viola to bring back Spark, and now it is time to fight Barry and Spark mopped the floor with his Buizel, and his Staravia, Skystar and Alucard together took out Monferno, I decided to send in Ring to fight the Roselia, because he didn’t have much time to shine, but he got Stun Spored, and Leech Seeded, so I sent in Alucard to kill the Roselia, when I went to the next route, it was my last chance to get a Ponyta, so I ran into a Geodude, and it self-destructed, and Ring tanked it like a champ, Ring lives another day.
When I went to the Solacion Ruins, I went over to find a Stone for Robin, I found a Water Stone, I gave it to her, and now Vaporeon is mine, I was not adamant for Maylene though, since her team is ridiculous, Meditite, Machoke, and Lucario, but I realized Vaporeon only learns Water Gun by Level up and it is past her own level, so I just decided not to use Robin until I get Surf, and then once fighting this father and daughter, the Daughter’s Ponyta took out Skystar, I was almost finished but Spark and Alucard managed to pull through, I was planning to get Seizure Bait, and called the Porygon Seizure, since I had that Upgrade in my bag, I gave it to Seizure and I called someone, Myself from another region, now we got my counter to Crasher Wake’s Gym, and backup in case Spark bites the dust, but I put Seizure in the box but I brought in Lola because since I was trying to play it smart, but then I developed a Gambling Addiction, got Ice Beam for Robin and Thunderbolt for Seizure, I moved on.
When I made it into Maylene’s Gym, she was a pushover, she had no counters against Alucard, Meditite, and Machoke took a bit to take out because of Rock Tomb, however Lucario was just not that challenging, the only move it had to damage Alucard was Metal Claw, I taught Alucard Roost so I had no problem defeating Maylene, she gave me the Death Token to give Lola the means to resurrect Skystar, then when I went to Valor Lakefront at route 214, another Graveler flat out Exploded, and Spark said “I’m not going to die here!”
When I reached Pastoria City, all my Pokemon are way too underleveled, so I went back to a previous area and robbed all the trainers blind, while training up my team, to get good EVs, and then when I went in the 7 Star Restaurant, Ring got killed by a Rhyhorn’s Horn Drill, come on that’s a low accuracy move, because of that Robin took it out, I was in a big fit of rage, but then I reached the Pastoria Gym, when fighting this tuber and his Bibarel…
A Hyper Fang killed Spark, once he died, I decided to go get Goro…It’s Time Goro, you’re the only one that can bring us to victory, so I leveled him up, called to borrow the Pidgey again, to evolve Goro again, now I brought in Daisy to sack, and thanks to Seizure and Leo, Crasher Wake was a complete pushover, and sacking Daisy to get back Ring, gave him drugs until he evolved, because I’m a shameless lunatic, and then Team Galactic set off a Bomb, and Cynthia asked me to give her Grandma her Charm in Celestic Town, when I arrived, I gave her the charm, and Cyrus goes on a tangent of everything is imperfect so he has to destroy the world and bullshit.
I then got Trick Room, which is incredibly useful for Ring, since he gets the benefit of going first, and when going to the Fuego Ironworks I went and caught a Magmar, and I finally got a Fire Type Pokemon, and my counter to Candice's Gym, now I need a Magmarizer, I named him Schomer, because a YouTuber by the name of Michael Schomer used Magmar in his commentary on a convicted criminal, on his worst Death Battles, and his commentary on Metal Blade’s response to RealmWarsll, but I’m going to say that none of that matters, Robin and Alucard managed to survive, and I’m adding him to the team, found the Magmarizer, traded, got Magmortar, moving on.
Then I made it to Canalave City and then Barry’s Infernape killed both Alucard and Ring, That was the last straw, I then gave a lot of Vitamins to my Pokemon, and went to find the Metal Coat so that Useless can evolve, at least I got 2 Counters to Candice’s Gym that being Schomer, and Goro, speaking of Schomer, Robin, Leo and Schomer mopped the floor with Byron because I had counters to most of his team, but since I had Skystar in my party and Alucard died, I had to give him up to bring Alucard back, Did I have a choice?
So Team Galactic set off another Bomb, and then I went to get the Metal Coat, and a Shiny Stone, I took out Useless, so I can give it to him, and she’ll be no longer useless, but while doing that, unfortunately Alucard died, so it was a waste and my day was ruined, thanks to that freaking Staraptor, therefore I had enough bullshit for one day, so I set the Trade up, and Useless Evolved, and I changed the name to Ironrock, then I managed to evolve Masque and Ellie and since I needed a Flying Type and Masque is going to be needed later, so I decided to shamelessly get Heart Scales, evolved Ellie again, and teach her Air Slash.
Well before you snarky people in the comments say “You Cheater, you got a lot of Rare Candies, and Heart Scales.” Well in my defense Jan of Pokemon Challenges said in his reaction to Jacob’s Perfect Nuzlocke saying that it doesn’t matter if you get infinite money, infinite Rare Candies, or Infinite Heart Scales, this is just a demonstration of how to do the Nuzlocke Rule I made up.
I easily mopped the floor with Saturn when investigating Lake Valor, I also took out Mars with a close match because Hypnosis was giving me problems, but luckily Robin froze the Purugly solid, after surviving a Slash, but it gave me a heart attack, because she almost died, on my way to Snowpoint City, I had Schomer warm me up and one of my favorite Pokemon’s pre evolution Sneasel went in front of my face, OK, let’s go Ardyn, well when I arrived at Snowpoint City, I went in the Gym, and unless you have a tolerance of this ear rape, This sound is pretty self explanitory.
Then when I reached Candice, I had Schomer burn most of her team to the ground, Sneasel, Froslass, and Abomasnow while Goro Cross Chopped her Piloswine, and you're asking why Cross Chop? Well Machamp has No Guard meaning all moves from him and targeting him, never miss so that meant Cross Chop's accuracy is guaranteed to hit, we walked out of the gym all swag, with the Death Token and the Badge, and I reached Lake Acuity and saw that Barry got his ass kicked, and Jupiter already went to Veilstone, when I went in the Galactic Warehouse I found a Dubious Disk, I gave it to Seizure and traded again, and I felt sorry for him for being cut from the anime completely, and Seizure kinda avenged Squoop when I mopped the floor with the Scientist that killed him, you’re welcome Jaiden, then when fighting Cyrus he spit bullshit again, it was a tough battle, Seizure got frozen so I switched to Schomer to take out the Sneasel.
However the problems were his Crobat, he used Poison Fang but luckily Robin didn’t get poisoned, because when he brought out his Honchkrow he almost killed Robin, luckily she hung in there and killed the Honchkrow, when I yanked his Master Ball off his hands, while my Pokemon took out Saturn’s team, I freed the lake guardians, when I arrived at Spear Pillar, Mars and Jupiter tried to stop me but Barry came out of nowhere and fought with me, I decided to target Mars first and then take out Jupiter, easy dubs, I studied Cyrus’ team and Cyrus has a Houndoom with Will-o-Wisp, and his Weavile is speedy, but frail, so I went back to get a Rawst Berry to get seizure to hold it, then I went into the Distortion World, when I made it to the bottom, Cyrus was there standing there, menacingly!
Then Seizure mopped the floor with most of his team when Weavile Ice Punched it, and it lived on a red health bar, so one last Signal Beam and that Weavile was finished, I max potioned Seizure when his Crobat came out, and Seizure one shotted him, Cyrus steps aside, and I came face to face with Giratina, Giratina asks for what I desire, I asked him for his help, the Master Ball fell out of my pocket, I grabbed it and threw it and it was over, now to go to Sunnyshore to get my final Gym Badge, but first I renamed Steelix into Ironrock, went to Sunnyshore City and Ironrock was fighting like a real Pokemon, I got my final gym badge and Death Token, so I got my Great Marsh encounter which was a Quagsire my HM Slave, and went to Victory Road, but since I got that Razor Claw earlier I gave it to Ardyn and when Night Fell, he became one of my favorite Pokemon, then I headed to the Underground to mine for treasure, taught Ardyn Ice Punch, and I gotta get Swords Dance even though I need enough coins to get it, but the Gambling Addiction in me never faded, so back to the slots for me.
I was able to get Swords Dance, but I went back to Wayward Cave, and did the dumb thing to save Ardyn from getting killed by Cynthia's Garchomp, or Flint's Team, by boxing him and caught a Gible I named Cloud after the character from Final Fantasy 7, however that meant I had to use my 7th Death Token to say farewell to Ironrock the Steelix I only had 1 left, Cloud needed some EV Training before he’s ready to fight the Elite 4 because they are merciless, Aaron has mostly Bug Types, and a Drapion, and if Ellie misses an Air Slash on Heracross, and that Heracross lands a Stone Edge, she’s dead, and Bertha has a Rhyperior that has Rock Wrecker and Megahorn, and if Masque doesn’t one hit kill that Rhyperior he is dead, then there is Flint, Robin has a decent chance against them but combining Solarbeam with Sunny Day from his Magmortar can pose a threat against Robin, but it can be able to tank it but if he gets a Crit, Robin is dead, then there is Lucian, he has a Gallade, and Ardyn has a weakness to Drain Punch, and Cynthia’s Garchomp is self explanitory.
So I ended up robbing trainers of their cash blind and using it on Vitamins, now I am at the Pokemon League, now let’s just go on in and kick…
Barry: Wait a minute, You and I have unfinished business.
“Sick Em Seizure!”
Barry: Not this time!
Then Infernape came out and killed Seizure.
That was the last straw, Cloud, murder him.
*Boom!*
Schomer killed his Roserade and Goro took out his Snorlax.
So Masque was willing to give up her life, the death token was his, and Seizure was brought back to life, so I ended up giving my entire team Sweet Drugs to level 60, Barry can finally rot in hell, my team was Cloud, Robin, Schomer, Goro, Seizure, and Leonardo, alright it’s time to end our journey.
So Schomer killed most of Aaron’s team, while Seizure took out his Heracross, and Cloud took out his Drapion, when I made it to Bertha, I had no trouble plowing through her, Leo and Robin took her out with ease, and then Cloud mopped the floor with Flint.
Then I went into Lucian’s Room, I wasn’t being very confident, so I taught Cloud Shadow Claw, to kill Lucian’s Entire Team, but Espeon Survived, so I sent him back, to bring in Seizure and he hit half health when his Bronzong calm minded a few times, and I Thunderbolted Him however I wasn’t feeling confident when fighting Cynthia, it’s time to end our journey.
So once she sent in Spiritomb, Leo managed to take him out, however, instead of sending out Garchomp, she sent out Togekiss, and Togekiss got paralyzed by Seizure, however when Lucario came out, he crit Aura Sphere, and Leo died, Cloud took it out out of vengeance, then her Garchomp came out…I kept in Cloud…I wasn’t feeling confident, they traded blow to blow, but Cloud immediately got taken out in 1 shot Dragon Rush, my plan didn’t work…all this effort was for naught, I sent in Robin, the Garchomp used Earthquake, it was all over…there was nothing I can do to beat her, if I sent in Seizure he might get outsped crit, and die, if I sent in Schomer, he might get outsped and die to Earthquake, if I send in Goro, then he might get outsped barely survive, land a Cross Chop and then die…but that’s what I would have said if Garchomp landed a critical hit on Robin, Robin actually survived, it felt like my fallen comrades from the Afterlife sent by Arceus came down to protect Robin as gratitude from Giratina, and I showed that Garchomp what it is like to get one shotted, then Ice Beam killed the Garchomp, everything went according to plan, we still had a chance, Schomer burned her Roserade to a crisp, then came out her final Pokemon, Milotic, Seizure went in for the Thunderbolt, but it lived, Seizure survived the surf, and landed one more Thunderbolt.
We did it, we won, Cynthia congratulated me and then I was really happy that I finally won a Pokemon Platinum Nuzlocke, even when my previous plans didn’t work, our partners died while thinking of a plan, even when one shotting Cynthia’s Garchomp with Cloud, Masque’s soul can now rest in peace, she left Seizure’s body and now Seizure can rest in peace.
That meant Robin, Goro, and Schomer were the survivors, therefore I went into the hall of Fame and sat on the Champion’s Throne, now an honorable effort but I had a blast trying out my new rule, if I’m not counting Seizure since he was reincarnated and can finally rest in peace, Robin the Vaporeon was my MVP because out of all my alive Pokemon, and not my Reincarnated Pokemon, Robin was the longest surviving Pokemon, and the one that saved us from a crushing defeat twice, but it wasn’t over it is time to promote this new rule, this may be intimidating for Hardcore Nuzlockes, but it can help you in regular nuzlockes.
submitted by Matt_the_Lego to nuzlocke [link] [comments]
This needs some explaining so take a seat, there are 2 Boxes, the Death Box and the Graveyard Box, the Graveyard Box is where Pokemon that faint go into and they can be brought back from the dead only once, in order to do that you need a Death Token, the afterlife box is where Pokemon are dead permanently, how do you get a Death Token? You get them by defeating the Gym Leader of that town, and the Death Token can only do 1 thing if your Pokemon is in the Graveyard, you have to revive one of your dead Pokemon in exchange for 1 Pokemon in your party, but you have to use it as soon as the gym leader is defeated, but if you don’t have any Pokemon in your Graveyard, then you can save it for later or use that Token to catch any Pokemon you want in a previous route, but you have to put your 1st encounter in the Afterlife Box, or revive one of your Party Members when they faint, but one of your Pokemon in your Box must be sacrificed.
Once you lose a battle and still have Pokemon in your graveyard, you can continue, but you’ll be penalized for it, you’ll have to skip out on your next encounter, and you’ll have to put one of your Boxed Pokemon into the Afterlife Box, and if all your Pokemon are in the Afterlife Box, then you will lose the challenge, but once you reach the Elite 4 and Champion, you’ll have to use all of the Death Tokens that you didn’t use, and if you don’t have any Death Tokens, you only have 1 shot to defeat the Elite 4 and Champion, because if you don’t then it’s all over, I call it the Reincarnatelocke got it? Good!
Now I’m playing Pokemon Platinum because I was leaning heavily towards that game to try my Nuzlocke Rule, Platinum is hard, but is the definitive way to play the Sinnoh Games, Diamond and Pearl were criticized for being so slow, a limited Pokedex and teams that trainers don’t normally use, and BDSP were bashed for being the worst remakes in the franchise, it was way too faithful to the original and it was outsourced, at least we got faster gameplay, and removed HMs, but I don’t own any of them, and I still have my copy of Platinum, but when I used that new Nuzlocke Rule, I lost to Roark, and I can’t comprehend how many times I’ve lost every Platinum Nuzlocke I’ve attempted, even when I cheated in an EXP Share, but I remembered something that the legendary Alpharad said, long story short, Grinding is cringe, and Cheating is Based, so as you can tell I’m packing Rare Candies from my Homebrewed 3DS and no I’m not editing Pokemon to have illegal moves, I’m just packing Rare Candies because I took Jacob’s word for it, and now I’m not playing around anymore, now let’s go to the Sinnoh Region and see what happens.
I was dragged out of my home, Barry went out of his way to go into the Tall Grass until Rowan stopped us, and Rowan gave us a Pokemon, since I was having worse luck with Chimchar, and Budew is a pain in the ass to evolve, I decided to go with Turtwig, I named him Leonardo, and beat up Barry’s Chimchar, blew my money on Potions, and PokeBalls, caught a Starly named Skystar, in Lake Verity, Memelord the Bidoof in Route 201, and Spark the Shinx in Route 202, therefore I went north to find a Budew named Masque, so I have a substitute in case Leo Kicks the Bucket, however I was training up my Pokemon for some precious EVs, and I ran into Alucard the Zubat, and I trained up Leo for Roark, and I went ahead and easily took out Barry with Skystar, and caught a Magikarp named Ocean King, then when I arrived at Orburgh, I skipped my Orburgh Mines encounter because I wasn’t paying attention and these early Rock Types are worthless since you gain a better one later either Cranidos or Shieldon, therefore I went in to Roark’s gym and have Leo go all out, so once I withdrew 3x, the Geodude got 2 Crits, and Leo still lives since I used Absorb in between Withdraws, both Geodude and Onix were absorbed to death, and the reason why I kept withdrawing, it is because of his ace Cranidos.
Cranidos is the more offensive Pokemon and since earlier I taught Leo Razor Leaf, it ended up getting critted after tanking a Headbutt, and won me my 1st Death Token, and my 1st Gym Badge, since no Pokemon are in my graveyard, I decided to save the Death Token for a later time, and then finally Skystar evolved, and Spark evolved into Luxio, now when I fought a Bug Catcher, I was fighting a Kricketot when he used bide, he lived 2 bites from Alucard, he is gonna die if I used another Bite, but I have to resort to a Sacrifice, and use up my Death Token, so I sent in Ocean King and I think you know what happens next, but Memelord was willing to give up his life to save Ocean King so I used the Death Token, and Memelord took Ocean King’s place, I brought in Viola, and I went to the Valley Windworks to capture a Shellos named Muddy that’s just in case Ocean King joins Memelord when he kicks the bucket, and since Rare Candies misses out on some precious EVs and I’d be forced to resort to Vitamins.
So I brought Ocean King to a high enough level to evolve into Gyarados so I can be able to beat Mars with no problem, and at least he won’t be over Gardenia’s Level, oh and I didn’t mention that I can’t overlevel to beat the next Gym Leader’s Ace easily, then I fought Mars, Alucard took out her Zubat no problem, then when Purugly came out, I was ready to intimidate attack drop, until it’s attack is absurdly low, when I brought out Skystar, Ocean King, and Spark to be intimidate happy, Spark finished off her Purugly, we made it out with no casualties, then I was adamant to get a Ponyta, and…I ran into a Pachirisu, I depressingly caught the Pachirisu and named it Fail, when I got through Eterna Forest, Leo Evolved, and we went in Gardenia’s Gym, and I had a plan to take her team down, Stealth Rock to lower her health a bit, and have Alucard and Skystar to take down her team, Both Roserade and Alucard crit each other and Alucard hung in there, while Roserade was done for, Badge 2 and another Death token was ours.
When I entered the Galactic Building, I used the same pussy strat, but Stuntank killed Spark, so I tried to kill him with Leo, but he killed him too, I had to choose who to send to the graveyard until I get another Death Token, so I left Spark, and kept Leo, and sent Fail into the Afterlife, to revive Leo, I was so pissed, so I brought in Masque, as a substitute for Leo if he dies again, so I am not gonna sugarcoat it, Cynthia gave me an Egg to take care of, So I took it and it already hatched and I named her Ellie, so when I went to Wayward Cave, I was hoping to get a Gible but…I couldn’t pass on an encounter so I depressingly caught the Onix and named it Useless also showing my frustration over not getting a Garchomp, but when I went into Mt. Coronet, I found a Bronzor and named him Ring, I’ve decided to bring him on the team, then I finally got Alucard to evolve into Crobat, and Bebe the operator of the Sinnoh Storage System gave me an Eevee I named Robin after the character from Fire Emblem: Awakening. I then took both Ocean King and Alucard to go all out, but Ocean King fought Mismagius the Mismagius critted, and Ocean King perished to confusion.
I then took out Alucard to finish the job, but Ocean King will live on in memory, gone but not forgotten, Badge 3 was ours, but I gave up Viola to bring back Spark, and now it is time to fight Barry and Spark mopped the floor with his Buizel, and his Staravia, Skystar and Alucard together took out Monferno, I decided to send in Ring to fight the Roselia, because he didn’t have much time to shine, but he got Stun Spored, and Leech Seeded, so I sent in Alucard to kill the Roselia, when I went to the next route, it was my last chance to get a Ponyta, so I ran into a Geodude, and it self-destructed, and Ring tanked it like a champ, Ring lives another day.
When I went to the Solacion Ruins, I went over to find a Stone for Robin, I found a Water Stone, I gave it to her, and now Vaporeon is mine, I was not adamant for Maylene though, since her team is ridiculous, Meditite, Machoke, and Lucario, but I realized Vaporeon only learns Water Gun by Level up and it is past her own level, so I just decided not to use Robin until I get Surf, and then once fighting this father and daughter, the Daughter’s Ponyta took out Skystar, I was almost finished but Spark and Alucard managed to pull through, I was planning to get Seizure Bait, and called the Porygon Seizure, since I had that Upgrade in my bag, I gave it to Seizure and I called someone, Myself from another region, now we got my counter to Crasher Wake’s Gym, and backup in case Spark bites the dust, but I put Seizure in the box but I brought in Lola because since I was trying to play it smart, but then I developed a Gambling Addiction, got Ice Beam for Robin and Thunderbolt for Seizure, I moved on.
When I made it into Maylene’s Gym, she was a pushover, she had no counters against Alucard, Meditite, and Machoke took a bit to take out because of Rock Tomb, however Lucario was just not that challenging, the only move it had to damage Alucard was Metal Claw, I taught Alucard Roost so I had no problem defeating Maylene, she gave me the Death Token to give Lola the means to resurrect Skystar, then when I went to Valor Lakefront at route 214, another Graveler flat out Exploded, and Spark said “I’m not going to die here!”
When I reached Pastoria City, all my Pokemon are way too underleveled, so I went back to a previous area and robbed all the trainers blind, while training up my team, to get good EVs, and then when I went in the 7 Star Restaurant, Ring got killed by a Rhyhorn’s Horn Drill, come on that’s a low accuracy move, because of that Robin took it out, I was in a big fit of rage, but then I reached the Pastoria Gym, when fighting this tuber and his Bibarel…
A Hyper Fang killed Spark, once he died, I decided to go get Goro…It’s Time Goro, you’re the only one that can bring us to victory, so I leveled him up, called to borrow the Pidgey again, to evolve Goro again, now I brought in Daisy to sack, and thanks to Seizure and Leo, Crasher Wake was a complete pushover, and sacking Daisy to get back Ring, gave him drugs until he evolved, because I’m a shameless lunatic, and then Team Galactic set off a Bomb, and Cynthia asked me to give her Grandma her Charm in Celestic Town, when I arrived, I gave her the charm, and Cyrus goes on a tangent of everything is imperfect so he has to destroy the world and bullshit.
I then got Trick Room, which is incredibly useful for Ring, since he gets the benefit of going first, and when going to the Fuego Ironworks I went and caught a Magmar, and I finally got a Fire Type Pokemon, and my counter to Candice's Gym, now I need a Magmarizer, I named him Schomer, because a YouTuber by the name of Michael Schomer used Magmar in his commentary on a convicted criminal, on his worst Death Battles, and his commentary on Metal Blade’s response to RealmWarsll, but I’m going to say that none of that matters, Robin and Alucard managed to survive, and I’m adding him to the team, found the Magmarizer, traded, got Magmortar, moving on.
Then I made it to Canalave City and then Barry’s Infernape killed both Alucard and Ring, That was the last straw, I then gave a lot of Vitamins to my Pokemon, and went to find the Metal Coat so that Useless can evolve, at least I got 2 Counters to Candice’s Gym that being Schomer, and Goro, speaking of Schomer, Robin, Leo and Schomer mopped the floor with Byron because I had counters to most of his team, but since I had Skystar in my party and Alucard died, I had to give him up to bring Alucard back, Did I have a choice?
So Team Galactic set off another Bomb, and then I went to get the Metal Coat, and a Shiny Stone, I took out Useless, so I can give it to him, and she’ll be no longer useless, but while doing that, unfortunately Alucard died, so it was a waste and my day was ruined, thanks to that freaking Staraptor, therefore I had enough bullshit for one day, so I set the Trade up, and Useless Evolved, and I changed the name to Ironrock, then I managed to evolve Masque and Ellie and since I needed a Flying Type and Masque is going to be needed later, so I decided to shamelessly get Heart Scales, evolved Ellie again, and teach her Air Slash.
Well before you snarky people in the comments say “You Cheater, you got a lot of Rare Candies, and Heart Scales.” Well in my defense Jan of Pokemon Challenges said in his reaction to Jacob’s Perfect Nuzlocke saying that it doesn’t matter if you get infinite money, infinite Rare Candies, or Infinite Heart Scales, this is just a demonstration of how to do the Nuzlocke Rule I made up.
I easily mopped the floor with Saturn when investigating Lake Valor, I also took out Mars with a close match because Hypnosis was giving me problems, but luckily Robin froze the Purugly solid, after surviving a Slash, but it gave me a heart attack, because she almost died, on my way to Snowpoint City, I had Schomer warm me up and one of my favorite Pokemon’s pre evolution Sneasel went in front of my face, OK, let’s go Ardyn, well when I arrived at Snowpoint City, I went in the Gym, and unless you have a tolerance of this ear rape, This sound is pretty self explanitory.
Then when I reached Candice, I had Schomer burn most of her team to the ground, Sneasel, Froslass, and Abomasnow while Goro Cross Chopped her Piloswine, and you're asking why Cross Chop? Well Machamp has No Guard meaning all moves from him and targeting him, never miss so that meant Cross Chop's accuracy is guaranteed to hit, we walked out of the gym all swag, with the Death Token and the Badge, and I reached Lake Acuity and saw that Barry got his ass kicked, and Jupiter already went to Veilstone, when I went in the Galactic Warehouse I found a Dubious Disk, I gave it to Seizure and traded again, and I felt sorry for him for being cut from the anime completely, and Seizure kinda avenged Squoop when I mopped the floor with the Scientist that killed him, you’re welcome Jaiden, then when fighting Cyrus he spit bullshit again, it was a tough battle, Seizure got frozen so I switched to Schomer to take out the Sneasel.
However the problems were his Crobat, he used Poison Fang but luckily Robin didn’t get poisoned, because when he brought out his Honchkrow he almost killed Robin, luckily she hung in there and killed the Honchkrow, when I yanked his Master Ball off his hands, while my Pokemon took out Saturn’s team, I freed the lake guardians, when I arrived at Spear Pillar, Mars and Jupiter tried to stop me but Barry came out of nowhere and fought with me, I decided to target Mars first and then take out Jupiter, easy dubs, I studied Cyrus’ team and Cyrus has a Houndoom with Will-o-Wisp, and his Weavile is speedy, but frail, so I went back to get a Rawst Berry to get seizure to hold it, then I went into the Distortion World, when I made it to the bottom, Cyrus was there standing there, menacingly!
Then Seizure mopped the floor with most of his team when Weavile Ice Punched it, and it lived on a red health bar, so one last Signal Beam and that Weavile was finished, I max potioned Seizure when his Crobat came out, and Seizure one shotted him, Cyrus steps aside, and I came face to face with Giratina, Giratina asks for what I desire, I asked him for his help, the Master Ball fell out of my pocket, I grabbed it and threw it and it was over, now to go to Sunnyshore to get my final Gym Badge, but first I renamed Steelix into Ironrock, went to Sunnyshore City and Ironrock was fighting like a real Pokemon, I got my final gym badge and Death Token, so I got my Great Marsh encounter which was a Quagsire my HM Slave, and went to Victory Road, but since I got that Razor Claw earlier I gave it to Ardyn and when Night Fell, he became one of my favorite Pokemon, then I headed to the Underground to mine for treasure, taught Ardyn Ice Punch, and I gotta get Swords Dance even though I need enough coins to get it, but the Gambling Addiction in me never faded, so back to the slots for me.
I was able to get Swords Dance, but I went back to Wayward Cave, and did the dumb thing to save Ardyn from getting killed by Cynthia's Garchomp, or Flint's Team, by boxing him and caught a Gible I named Cloud after the character from Final Fantasy 7, however that meant I had to use my 7th Death Token to say farewell to Ironrock the Steelix I only had 1 left, Cloud needed some EV Training before he’s ready to fight the Elite 4 because they are merciless, Aaron has mostly Bug Types, and a Drapion, and if Ellie misses an Air Slash on Heracross, and that Heracross lands a Stone Edge, she’s dead, and Bertha has a Rhyperior that has Rock Wrecker and Megahorn, and if Masque doesn’t one hit kill that Rhyperior he is dead, then there is Flint, Robin has a decent chance against them but combining Solarbeam with Sunny Day from his Magmortar can pose a threat against Robin, but it can be able to tank it but if he gets a Crit, Robin is dead, then there is Lucian, he has a Gallade, and Ardyn has a weakness to Drain Punch, and Cynthia’s Garchomp is self explanitory.
So I ended up robbing trainers of their cash blind and using it on Vitamins, now I am at the Pokemon League, now let’s just go on in and kick…
Barry: Wait a minute, You and I have unfinished business.
“Sick Em Seizure!”
Barry: Not this time!
Then Infernape came out and killed Seizure.
That was the last straw, Cloud, murder him.
*Boom!*
Schomer killed his Roserade and Goro took out his Snorlax.
So Masque was willing to give up her life, the death token was his, and Seizure was brought back to life, so I ended up giving my entire team Sweet Drugs to level 60, Barry can finally rot in hell, my team was Cloud, Robin, Schomer, Goro, Seizure, and Leonardo, alright it’s time to end our journey.
So Schomer killed most of Aaron’s team, while Seizure took out his Heracross, and Cloud took out his Drapion, when I made it to Bertha, I had no trouble plowing through her, Leo and Robin took her out with ease, and then Cloud mopped the floor with Flint.
Then I went into Lucian’s Room, I wasn’t being very confident, so I taught Cloud Shadow Claw, to kill Lucian’s Entire Team, but Espeon Survived, so I sent him back, to bring in Seizure and he hit half health when his Bronzong calm minded a few times, and I Thunderbolted Him however I wasn’t feeling confident when fighting Cynthia, it’s time to end our journey.
So once she sent in Spiritomb, Leo managed to take him out, however, instead of sending out Garchomp, she sent out Togekiss, and Togekiss got paralyzed by Seizure, however when Lucario came out, he crit Aura Sphere, and Leo died, Cloud took it out out of vengeance, then her Garchomp came out…I kept in Cloud…I wasn’t feeling confident, they traded blow to blow, but Cloud immediately got taken out in 1 shot Dragon Rush, my plan didn’t work…all this effort was for naught, I sent in Robin, the Garchomp used Earthquake, it was all over…there was nothing I can do to beat her, if I sent in Seizure he might get outsped crit, and die, if I sent in Schomer, he might get outsped and die to Earthquake, if I send in Goro, then he might get outsped barely survive, land a Cross Chop and then die…but that’s what I would have said if Garchomp landed a critical hit on Robin, Robin actually survived, it felt like my fallen comrades from the Afterlife sent by Arceus came down to protect Robin as gratitude from Giratina, and I showed that Garchomp what it is like to get one shotted, then Ice Beam killed the Garchomp, everything went according to plan, we still had a chance, Schomer burned her Roserade to a crisp, then came out her final Pokemon, Milotic, Seizure went in for the Thunderbolt, but it lived, Seizure survived the surf, and landed one more Thunderbolt.
We did it, we won, Cynthia congratulated me and then I was really happy that I finally won a Pokemon Platinum Nuzlocke, even when my previous plans didn’t work, our partners died while thinking of a plan, even when one shotting Cynthia’s Garchomp with Cloud, Masque’s soul can now rest in peace, she left Seizure’s body and now Seizure can rest in peace.
That meant Robin, Goro, and Schomer were the survivors, therefore I went into the hall of Fame and sat on the Champion’s Throne, now an honorable effort but I had a blast trying out my new rule, if I’m not counting Seizure since he was reincarnated and can finally rest in peace, Robin the Vaporeon was my MVP because out of all my alive Pokemon, and not my Reincarnated Pokemon, Robin was the longest surviving Pokemon, and the one that saved us from a crushing defeat twice, but it wasn’t over it is time to promote this new rule, this may be intimidating for Hardcore Nuzlockes, but it can help you in regular nuzlockes.
2023.06.02 14:31 LanesGrandma It Should Have Been A Three Hour Tour
If it weren’t for a killer urban legend, Tina and I would celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 14th
Honestly, I was enjoying a bit of human company after several hours of driving alone, four years ago. Correction. I was trying to enjoy human company. I couldn't identify what was out of sync about Ernestburgh and its inhabitants so I wrote it off to me being picky. I am picky. That's why I was looking this far away from home for the location of my much needed warehouse. I wasn't about to spend the money demanded for run down buildings in my hometown. My odometer assured me I was 114 miles from home. In Ernestburgh. Which isn't in my GPS or on any online map I called up.
Cindy the gas station cashier dropped the cash into my hand and wished me a happy day. Then, haltingly, as if going off script and unsure about doing so, she asked, "What brought you here?"
"Good question," I said, jamming the change into my jacket's inside pocket, "I'm in the market for a warehouse, around 1,000 square feet. Anything like that in town?"
"Let the young lady be on her way," a deep voice boomed behind me. My stomach jumped, although I think I remained calm on the outside as I turned around. A tall, muscular man was nodding at Cindy and me. "Don't mind her, Miss, sometimes we forget our manners here, being we all know each other. You know how that is." He chuckled, although his eyes never smiled. To me, he looked smug. I didn't appreciate that.
"Where are my manners?" I laughed, sticking my hand out to start a handshake. "I'm Lydia from the next town over. And you are?"
He stared at my hand for several seconds before taking it in a quick handshake. "Name's Hopper, Miss Lydia, good to meet you. My wife Cora tells me I need to socialize more and work less, but, you know how it is, I'm sure." He released my hand.
He sounded like he looked, smug. Part of me wanted to egg him on. But I took a breath before speaking and told him I was looking for a motel room for the night. His demeanor softened. "The Deu Lake Inn just reopened after renovations. Go right from our parking lot, left at the second stop sign. Ask for Room Number 103. It overlooks the Lake. Hope you're an early riser. Sunrise over the Lake is unforgettable this time of year!"
Ernestburgh didn't have street lights so the stop signs were a little hard to see but I managed to find the dirt road that ended at Deu Lake Inn's parking lot. That clicked for me. If I landed MoonDoor's warehouse here, the Inn and the entire old school vibe of Ernestburgh would be an easy sell to increase tourism. Especially to boomers.
Annie McIntosh greeted me at the front desk and offered me 10 % off on my stay, which I gratefully accepted. Annie called in Enzio Morton to take my 'overnight bag' to my room and make sure the air conditioning was working. I said I wasn't worried, since it was February 9 and I would rather the room was heated. Annie's response was the a/c was just installed and it being such new technology, staff needed to make sure it worked. I chuckled a little then noticed she probably wasn't joking so I stopped, rather awkwardly.
Annie busied herself with paperwork and actively avoided talking to me after that. Knowing that someone named Enzio had to accompany me to my room, I checked out the only photo on the wall. It was a black and white photo of a man who looked eerily familiar. He wore an odd white bucket hat with the brim pushed away from his face. He had dark hair with full, choppy bangs, eyebrows raised over large eyes opened wide, a nondescript nose and mouth open as if he was either talking or gawking.
It hit me: That was Bob Denver, when he was Gilligan from Gilligan's Island, a 1960s sitcom.
A document attached to the photo frame was titled "Official History and Lore of Our Founding Father". It explained 'Captain' Johnny Ernest spent his entire life in Ernestburgh. His parents raised him on their local farm, before the town existed. Deu Lake Inn was built over his family's farm property. He was orphaned at the age of 11 and lived alone for the rest of his life. He spent 25 years building the earliest homes, post office and stage coach station for what became known as Ernestburgh. Since his death, he returns every year to eat the living being he names. The town would not and could not exist without him, according to the document.
What the hell.
"Miss Annie," I asked, unwilling to be taken in by a local prank, "is that all there is to this story?"
Annie lifted her head, smiling widely. "Yes," she said brightly, "that's our Founding Father, Captain Ernest. Once a year he returns, eats whatever living being he names, then he returns to his beloved lake until the next February 10th."
'Eats whatever living being he names.' I felt fear without knowing its origin, something I don't often experience. I turned to face the Inn's entrance so I could avoid both Annie and Captain Ernest. Enzio appeared soon after. He got me to Room 103, confirmed the a/c was good, and I was left on my own for the night.
I opened the sports bag of spare essentials I always left in my vehicle. It stems from having to be prepared to run for my life when I was younger. Some habits are hard to break. It allowed me to change into a t shirt for that night. I grabbed the remote and jumped into bed.
Covers up to my neck, horror movie marathon playing quietly in the background, I was ready to relax. That's when I remembered my odometer. Part of my being picky is me recording my mileage at the end of every journey. My odometer registered exactly 114 miles from home to Ernestbugh. Based on memory, I'd travelled mostly westbound from home. And online maps clearly showed a large, well-known city 40 miles west of my place. Seems likely I would have noticed that city, had it been in my way during my travels.
Also, traveling no more than 50 miles per hour, my trip should have taken two and a half hours, three tops if I slowed down, got stuck in traffic jams or stopped a lot. That wasn't how my drive went at all. I left home at 10 a.m. and drove non-stop until I arrived at Ernestburgh nine hours later, just before 7 p.m.
Once again, what the hell.
I called up my dashcam footage and fast forwarded through the day's journey. There was scenery I recognized, close to home, then about five hours of static, then scenery that I recalled driving into Ernestburgh. The first time I watched it, I didn't believe it. Had to be a technical glitch. The third time I watched it, my muscles tightened for fight or flight. As much as I wanted to leave immediately, I realized I'd do better to wait until morning. I set my phone alarm for 6:45 a.m. and plugged in my phone to recharge, then spent a long time staring at the ceiling.
My alarm rang a bit too early for my liking and I didn't remember setting the ring tone to 'growls and groans'. The time on my phone was 5:45 a.m. so it wasn't my alarm. For a second I attributed the noise to the horror movie marathon I'd selected for the room's TV. Nope. TV must have shut itself off while I was asleep.
I heard it again. A growl, thunderous and a bit muffled, coming from the back of the Inn where my window faced. Expecting an incoming thunderstorm, I opened the curtains a bit and stared for a second or two at a huge bubble sitting on the lake. A face smiled at me from inside the bubble. A face. In a bubble. On a lake. Smiling at me. So much wrong.
After the fastest shower ever, I shoved all my gear into my sports bag and threw on my coat. I ran to the back of the Inn with all my gear and my phone (charge cord still attached, alarm shut off) at the ready. The beach, such as it was, was about a two minute jog from the back of the Inn and extended for quite a bit before meeting the water. There was a large bubble sitting on the water's surface, a significant distance from the shore. This was the same bubble I'd seen out the window. It kept getting larger, as did the face in it.
I was trying to focus my phone's camera when I heard someone speaking behind me. Annie, the front desk clerk, asked if I was ready to check out.
"Um, Annie, do you see that?" I said as gently as I could, pointing at the bubble. As soon as I looked at it, I couldn't look away. Annie didn't answer my question but she did keep talking. She said check out prior to 11:25 a.m. was fine but I had to pay now. I asked her how much and she didn't answer, which prompted me to look directly at her.
The growling started again. Of course it was much louder than I'd heard in my room. Annie frowned but stood firm, hand out, palm up. I looked back at the lake and the bubble had moved much closer to shore, almost touching dry land. It was huge, and the face now had a full body with arms and legs. Still smiling, it pointed at me with its left arm.
My blood ran cold. I heard Annie's voice but couldn't understand the words. The bubble drew ever closer. The growls were so loud, I clamped my hands over my ears but still couldn't stop staring at the face. It seemed so familiar.
Annie might have stopped talking, I don't know. All I could hear with my hands on my ears was muffled growling. I knew she was still there because she had grabbed my right arm with both hands and pulled fiercely. Even so, I kept staring at the bubble that had stopped rolling when it made land.
The growling continued.
Annie tugged until my right hand fell away from my ear. She screamed it wasn't her time as she released my arm. At that time I didn't know if she stayed or left because I was still watching the bubble.
A crack formed, splitting the bubble in half vertically. Within a blink or two, the bubble split open and the growling changed to a low, gravelly human voice. "Annie! Annie McIntosh!" the being said. Its finger no longer pointed at me, but to my right. I felt compelled to glance beside me and sure enough, there was Annie. Her hands were balled up into fists, pushing on her temples. She was crying and shaking, and I felt genuine terror just looking at her.
"Annie McIntosh, it is your time!" the being announced as it took two steps towards her. I'm ashamed to say I felt a brief moment of relief that the being wasn't aiming at me before I realized it appeared to be hellbent on getting Annie. She was now screaming wordlessly, seemingly unable or unwilling to run.
In that moment, two things occurred to me. The being was an exact replica of the black and white photo of the town's founding father. And if the urban legend was correct, 'Captain' Johnny Ernest can only eat one person per year. He names that person before eating them. Since he'd already named Annie, I figured I was safe at least for that year, and tried to distract him. Maybe Annie could escape and live another year.
I screamed at him, "Captain, you're dead, you don't need to eat anymore!" It was the best I could think of at the time. I put my hands on Annie's left arm and tried to drag her away with me. No luck, she felt like she was cemented to the spot.
Meanwhile, Captain Ernest continued to take huge steps towards us. I'm used to living with and around weird things, but this went beyond weird. Gilligan wanted to eat someone and he seemed focused on Annie.
Something in me broke. I screamed I was sorry to Annie and took off at a full run. I didn't stop running until I got to the back of the Inn. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was morbid curiosity, but I had to take one last look back.
Captain Ernest was still at least two of his steps away from her when he grabbed her.
She was still screaming when he dropped her into his mouth.
I folded two ten dollar bills under the phone on the Inn's front desk then jumped into my car and peeled out. When I got to Ernestburgh's main street I turned left. A right turn would have taken me back to Ernestburgh and that was a huge nope for me. As soon as I saw something resembling a freeway, I took the eastbound route and didn't stop until I was home.
The trip home took two hours and added 114 miles to the odometer. My dashcam worked just fine that whole time. The previous day's footage came up as 'corrupted' when I tried to access it. I spent the next four days in bed, waiting for Tina to return from her mother’s.
Tina's mother recovered quickly and Tina came home on day five. She asked me to retrace my steps with her in the car. No matter what we did, we couldn't find Ernestburgh. I searched for obituary notices about Annie McIntosh until Tina said I might be reaching unhealthy levels of 'need to know' when, in fact, I don't need to know. And she was right.
But every February 9th and 10th since then, she and I spend those days together, at home, without guests. We stay in bed, watch our fav horror movies and eat whatever we want. It's our customized version of Valentine's Day.
Author's note: Find me at LG Writes, Odd Directions and Write_Right
submitted by LanesGrandma to Write_Right [link] [comments]
Honestly, I was enjoying a bit of human company after several hours of driving alone, four years ago. Correction. I was trying to enjoy human company. I couldn't identify what was out of sync about Ernestburgh and its inhabitants so I wrote it off to me being picky. I am picky. That's why I was looking this far away from home for the location of my much needed warehouse. I wasn't about to spend the money demanded for run down buildings in my hometown. My odometer assured me I was 114 miles from home. In Ernestburgh. Which isn't in my GPS or on any online map I called up.
Cindy the gas station cashier dropped the cash into my hand and wished me a happy day. Then, haltingly, as if going off script and unsure about doing so, she asked, "What brought you here?"
"Good question," I said, jamming the change into my jacket's inside pocket, "I'm in the market for a warehouse, around 1,000 square feet. Anything like that in town?"
"Let the young lady be on her way," a deep voice boomed behind me. My stomach jumped, although I think I remained calm on the outside as I turned around. A tall, muscular man was nodding at Cindy and me. "Don't mind her, Miss, sometimes we forget our manners here, being we all know each other. You know how that is." He chuckled, although his eyes never smiled. To me, he looked smug. I didn't appreciate that.
"Where are my manners?" I laughed, sticking my hand out to start a handshake. "I'm Lydia from the next town over. And you are?"
He stared at my hand for several seconds before taking it in a quick handshake. "Name's Hopper, Miss Lydia, good to meet you. My wife Cora tells me I need to socialize more and work less, but, you know how it is, I'm sure." He released my hand.
He sounded like he looked, smug. Part of me wanted to egg him on. But I took a breath before speaking and told him I was looking for a motel room for the night. His demeanor softened. "The Deu Lake Inn just reopened after renovations. Go right from our parking lot, left at the second stop sign. Ask for Room Number 103. It overlooks the Lake. Hope you're an early riser. Sunrise over the Lake is unforgettable this time of year!"
Ernestburgh didn't have street lights so the stop signs were a little hard to see but I managed to find the dirt road that ended at Deu Lake Inn's parking lot. That clicked for me. If I landed MoonDoor's warehouse here, the Inn and the entire old school vibe of Ernestburgh would be an easy sell to increase tourism. Especially to boomers.
Annie McIntosh greeted me at the front desk and offered me 10 % off on my stay, which I gratefully accepted. Annie called in Enzio Morton to take my 'overnight bag' to my room and make sure the air conditioning was working. I said I wasn't worried, since it was February 9 and I would rather the room was heated. Annie's response was the a/c was just installed and it being such new technology, staff needed to make sure it worked. I chuckled a little then noticed she probably wasn't joking so I stopped, rather awkwardly.
Annie busied herself with paperwork and actively avoided talking to me after that. Knowing that someone named Enzio had to accompany me to my room, I checked out the only photo on the wall. It was a black and white photo of a man who looked eerily familiar. He wore an odd white bucket hat with the brim pushed away from his face. He had dark hair with full, choppy bangs, eyebrows raised over large eyes opened wide, a nondescript nose and mouth open as if he was either talking or gawking.
It hit me: That was Bob Denver, when he was Gilligan from Gilligan's Island, a 1960s sitcom.
A document attached to the photo frame was titled "Official History and Lore of Our Founding Father". It explained 'Captain' Johnny Ernest spent his entire life in Ernestburgh. His parents raised him on their local farm, before the town existed. Deu Lake Inn was built over his family's farm property. He was orphaned at the age of 11 and lived alone for the rest of his life. He spent 25 years building the earliest homes, post office and stage coach station for what became known as Ernestburgh. Since his death, he returns every year to eat the living being he names. The town would not and could not exist without him, according to the document.
What the hell.
"Miss Annie," I asked, unwilling to be taken in by a local prank, "is that all there is to this story?"
Annie lifted her head, smiling widely. "Yes," she said brightly, "that's our Founding Father, Captain Ernest. Once a year he returns, eats whatever living being he names, then he returns to his beloved lake until the next February 10th."
'Eats whatever living being he names.' I felt fear without knowing its origin, something I don't often experience. I turned to face the Inn's entrance so I could avoid both Annie and Captain Ernest. Enzio appeared soon after. He got me to Room 103, confirmed the a/c was good, and I was left on my own for the night.
I opened the sports bag of spare essentials I always left in my vehicle. It stems from having to be prepared to run for my life when I was younger. Some habits are hard to break. It allowed me to change into a t shirt for that night. I grabbed the remote and jumped into bed.
Covers up to my neck, horror movie marathon playing quietly in the background, I was ready to relax. That's when I remembered my odometer. Part of my being picky is me recording my mileage at the end of every journey. My odometer registered exactly 114 miles from home to Ernestbugh. Based on memory, I'd travelled mostly westbound from home. And online maps clearly showed a large, well-known city 40 miles west of my place. Seems likely I would have noticed that city, had it been in my way during my travels.
Also, traveling no more than 50 miles per hour, my trip should have taken two and a half hours, three tops if I slowed down, got stuck in traffic jams or stopped a lot. That wasn't how my drive went at all. I left home at 10 a.m. and drove non-stop until I arrived at Ernestburgh nine hours later, just before 7 p.m.
Once again, what the hell.
I called up my dashcam footage and fast forwarded through the day's journey. There was scenery I recognized, close to home, then about five hours of static, then scenery that I recalled driving into Ernestburgh. The first time I watched it, I didn't believe it. Had to be a technical glitch. The third time I watched it, my muscles tightened for fight or flight. As much as I wanted to leave immediately, I realized I'd do better to wait until morning. I set my phone alarm for 6:45 a.m. and plugged in my phone to recharge, then spent a long time staring at the ceiling.
My alarm rang a bit too early for my liking and I didn't remember setting the ring tone to 'growls and groans'. The time on my phone was 5:45 a.m. so it wasn't my alarm. For a second I attributed the noise to the horror movie marathon I'd selected for the room's TV. Nope. TV must have shut itself off while I was asleep.
I heard it again. A growl, thunderous and a bit muffled, coming from the back of the Inn where my window faced. Expecting an incoming thunderstorm, I opened the curtains a bit and stared for a second or two at a huge bubble sitting on the lake. A face smiled at me from inside the bubble. A face. In a bubble. On a lake. Smiling at me. So much wrong.
After the fastest shower ever, I shoved all my gear into my sports bag and threw on my coat. I ran to the back of the Inn with all my gear and my phone (charge cord still attached, alarm shut off) at the ready. The beach, such as it was, was about a two minute jog from the back of the Inn and extended for quite a bit before meeting the water. There was a large bubble sitting on the water's surface, a significant distance from the shore. This was the same bubble I'd seen out the window. It kept getting larger, as did the face in it.
I was trying to focus my phone's camera when I heard someone speaking behind me. Annie, the front desk clerk, asked if I was ready to check out.
"Um, Annie, do you see that?" I said as gently as I could, pointing at the bubble. As soon as I looked at it, I couldn't look away. Annie didn't answer my question but she did keep talking. She said check out prior to 11:25 a.m. was fine but I had to pay now. I asked her how much and she didn't answer, which prompted me to look directly at her.
The growling started again. Of course it was much louder than I'd heard in my room. Annie frowned but stood firm, hand out, palm up. I looked back at the lake and the bubble had moved much closer to shore, almost touching dry land. It was huge, and the face now had a full body with arms and legs. Still smiling, it pointed at me with its left arm.
My blood ran cold. I heard Annie's voice but couldn't understand the words. The bubble drew ever closer. The growls were so loud, I clamped my hands over my ears but still couldn't stop staring at the face. It seemed so familiar.
Annie might have stopped talking, I don't know. All I could hear with my hands on my ears was muffled growling. I knew she was still there because she had grabbed my right arm with both hands and pulled fiercely. Even so, I kept staring at the bubble that had stopped rolling when it made land.
The growling continued.
Annie tugged until my right hand fell away from my ear. She screamed it wasn't her time as she released my arm. At that time I didn't know if she stayed or left because I was still watching the bubble.
A crack formed, splitting the bubble in half vertically. Within a blink or two, the bubble split open and the growling changed to a low, gravelly human voice. "Annie! Annie McIntosh!" the being said. Its finger no longer pointed at me, but to my right. I felt compelled to glance beside me and sure enough, there was Annie. Her hands were balled up into fists, pushing on her temples. She was crying and shaking, and I felt genuine terror just looking at her.
"Annie McIntosh, it is your time!" the being announced as it took two steps towards her. I'm ashamed to say I felt a brief moment of relief that the being wasn't aiming at me before I realized it appeared to be hellbent on getting Annie. She was now screaming wordlessly, seemingly unable or unwilling to run.
In that moment, two things occurred to me. The being was an exact replica of the black and white photo of the town's founding father. And if the urban legend was correct, 'Captain' Johnny Ernest can only eat one person per year. He names that person before eating them. Since he'd already named Annie, I figured I was safe at least for that year, and tried to distract him. Maybe Annie could escape and live another year.
I screamed at him, "Captain, you're dead, you don't need to eat anymore!" It was the best I could think of at the time. I put my hands on Annie's left arm and tried to drag her away with me. No luck, she felt like she was cemented to the spot.
Meanwhile, Captain Ernest continued to take huge steps towards us. I'm used to living with and around weird things, but this went beyond weird. Gilligan wanted to eat someone and he seemed focused on Annie.
Something in me broke. I screamed I was sorry to Annie and took off at a full run. I didn't stop running until I got to the back of the Inn. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was morbid curiosity, but I had to take one last look back.
Captain Ernest was still at least two of his steps away from her when he grabbed her.
She was still screaming when he dropped her into his mouth.
I folded two ten dollar bills under the phone on the Inn's front desk then jumped into my car and peeled out. When I got to Ernestburgh's main street I turned left. A right turn would have taken me back to Ernestburgh and that was a huge nope for me. As soon as I saw something resembling a freeway, I took the eastbound route and didn't stop until I was home.
The trip home took two hours and added 114 miles to the odometer. My dashcam worked just fine that whole time. The previous day's footage came up as 'corrupted' when I tried to access it. I spent the next four days in bed, waiting for Tina to return from her mother’s.
Tina's mother recovered quickly and Tina came home on day five. She asked me to retrace my steps with her in the car. No matter what we did, we couldn't find Ernestburgh. I searched for obituary notices about Annie McIntosh until Tina said I might be reaching unhealthy levels of 'need to know' when, in fact, I don't need to know. And she was right.
But every February 9th and 10th since then, she and I spend those days together, at home, without guests. We stay in bed, watch our fav horror movies and eat whatever we want. It's our customized version of Valentine's Day.
Author's note: Find me at LG Writes, Odd Directions and Write_Right
2023.06.02 14:01 StathisStGr Mega DHGATE BEST FINDS LIST - MANY CATEGORIES INCLUDED!
Hello everyone! Back at it again with another reddit Dhgate Best Finds List! This one might be the biggest dhgate finds list I have ever made. NOTE: I have not bought all of the items on the list, but all of them are manually collected from positive reviews and from different dhgate hauls. (Check the reviews of each item or massage the seller for QC pictures before you buy.)
T-SHIRTS / HOODIES / JACKETS
submitted by StathisStGr to CoutureReps [link] [comments]
T-SHIRTS / HOODIES / JACKETS
- Stone Island Hoodie
- Stone Island T-shirt
- Palm Angels Sprayed T-shirt
- Palm Angels Tracksuit
- The North Face Puffer Jacket
- Balmain T-shirts
- Canada Goose Vest
- Balenciaga BB Logo T-shirt
- Nike Tech Fleece
- Moncler T-shirt
- Gucci Spray Letters T-shirt
- LV Skeleton T-shirt
- Supreme x Kaws Box Logo T-shirt
- Moncler Maya
- Ralph Laurent Bear T-Shirt
- Ralph Laurent Polo T-shirt
- Off-White T-shirts
- Stussy Hoodie
- Burberry T-shirts
- Lacoste T-shirt
- Vlone Friends T-shirt
- Vlone Flames Logo T-shirt
- More Vlone T-shirts
- Vlone Hoodies
- Rhude T-shirt
- The North Face Vest
- The North Face x Brain Dead Jacket
- Moncler Vest
- Fendi Puffer Jacket
- Long Moncler Jacket
- Prada Zip Pocket T-shirt
- Prada Puffer Jacket
- Drew House Hoodie
- Louis Vuitton Patch T-shirt
- Louis Vuitton Stickers T-shirt
- Palm Angels Velvet Tracksuit
- Palm Angels Pattern Tracksuit
- Palm Angels Bear T-shirt
- Palm Angels Back Logo T-shirt
- Palm Angels Spray Heart T-shirt
- More Palm Angels T-shirts
- Juicy Couture Tracksuit
- Sp5der 555 Hoodie
- Sp5der T-shirt
- The North Face Light Jacket
- Moose Knuckles Jackets
- Ralph Lauren Zip Hoodie
- Polo Ralph Lauren Jumper
- Ralph Laurent Collared Shirts
- Lacoste Polo T-Shirt
- Balmain Sweatshirt
- Burberry Rider T-shirt
- Burberry Side Logo T-shirt
- Bottegga Veneta T-shirt
- Canada Goose Jacket
- Trapstar Irongate Jacket
- Trapstar Tracksuit Set
- Trapstar Black And Yellow Set
- Trapstar Shooters Tracksuit Set
- Trapstar Summer Set
- Gucci Tiger T-shirt
- Gucci Sweater
- Fendi T-shirts
- Bape Shark Hoodie
- Bape Camo Logo T-shirt
- Bape x Undefeated T-Shirt
- Bape x Heron Preston T-shirt
- Nike x Fear Of God T-shirt
- Fog Essentials Hoodie
- FOG Essentials T-shirt
- Gucci Snake Polo T-shirt
- Gucci Bear T-shirt
- Comme Des Garcons Hoodie
- Comme Des Garcons Sweatshirt
- Comme des Garçons T-shirt
- More cdg T-shirts
- Gap x Balenciaga Hoodie
- Balenciaga Sweater
- Balenciaga Hoodies
- Balenciaga Reflective Logo T-shirt
- Adidas x Balenciaga T-shirt
- Balenciaga Logo Hoodie
- Balenciaga Spray Logo T-shirt
- Balenciaga I Love Paris T-shirt
- More Balenciaga T-shirts
- Kenzo Tiger T-shirt
- Kenzo Flower T-shirt
- Boss T-shirt
- Celine Hoodie
- Chrome Hearts Dagger Hoodie
- Chrome Hearts Longsleeve
- Chrome Hearts T-shirt
- Gallery Dept T-shirt
- Gallery Dept Hoodie
- Stone Island Sweatshirt
- Stone Island Longsleeve
- Stone Island Zip Hoodie
- Stone Island Jacket
- Louis Vuitton Pattern Jacket
- Louis Vuitton T-shirts
- Louis Vuitton Camo Logo T-shirt
- Nocta Jacket
- Fendi Eyes T-shirt
- More Fendi T-shirts
- Rhude Racing Team T-shirt
- CPFM YE Must Be Born Again Hoodie
- Kids See Ghosts Hoodie
- Amiri T-shirts
- Amiri Crewneck
- Amiri Cupid Hoodie
- More Amiri T-shirts
- Moncler Polo T-shirt
- Moncler Sweatshirt
- Versace Robe
- Moncler Robe
- Tommy Hilfiger Collared Shirt
- Alexander McQueen T-shirt
- Alexander McQueen Sweatshirt
- Carhartt Hoodie
- Balmain Denim Jacket
- C.P Company Zip Up
- Represent T-shirt
- Fendi Sweater
- Gucci Hoodie
- Gucci Polo T-shirt
- Gucci T-shirt
- More Gucci T-shirts
- Kith T-shirts
- Prada Triangle Logo T-shirt
- Prada Sweater
- Prada Shirts
- Prada Vest
- More Moncler Jackets
- Astroworld T-shirts
- Gucci Pattern Polo T-shirt
- Another Ralph Laurent Hoodie
- Moschino Italy Bear T-shirt
- More VLONE T-shirts
- Christian Dior Atelier T-shirt
- CDG T-shirts
- Prada Puffer Jacket
- Louis Vuitton Puffer Jacket
- Louis Vuitton University Jackets
- Revenge Hoodie
- Revenge T-shirts
- Philip Plein T-shirts
- Nike x Fear Of God T-shirt
- ASSC T-shirt
- Louis Vuitton Knit T-shirt
- Drake Nocta Hoodie
- PSG Tracksuits
- The North Face x Gucci Jacket
- Louis Vuitton LV Belt With Box
- Rolex Watch With Box and Receipts
- Goyar Cardholder
- AP Watch With Box
- MCM Backpack
- Swatch x Omega Planets Watch
- Gucci Shoulder Bag
- Prada Shoulder Bag
- BB Simons Belt
- LV Gradient Belt
- LV Pattern Belt
- Yves Saint Laurent Wallet
- Yves Saint Laurent Cardholder
- YSL Bifold Wallet
- Trapstar Irongate Shoulder Bag
- PSD Boxers
- Louis Vuitton Messenger Bag
- Salvatore Ferragamo Belt
- LV Wallets with box
- Hermes Wallet
- Louis Vuitton Cuban Link Bracelet With Box
- LV Women wallet with box
- LV Scarf And Beanie set
- Burberry Scarf
- Iced Out Cuban Link
- Goyard St. Louis Tote Bag
- Christian Dior Saddle Bag
- Gucci GG Belt
- Gucci Snake Belt
- Gucci Snake Printed Belt
- Gucci Ring
- Gucci Keychain
- Dior Pattern Belt
- MCM Pattern Belt
- Hermes Belt
- Versace Belt
- Nike Socks
- Supreme Backpack
- Louis Vuitton Backpack
- Alyx Backpack
- Supreme Shoulder Bag
- Supreme Face Mask
- Supreme Dice
- Air Pods Max
- Balenciaga Socks
- Prada Necklace
- Prada Bucket Hat
- Marc Jacobs The Tote Bag
- Chanel Flap Bag
- Louis Vuitton Card Holder
- Louis Vuitton Pattern Duffle Bag
- Louis Vuitton Transparent Duffle Bag
- Louis Vuitton Chain Wallet
- Lv Purse
- LV Waist Bag
- LV Alpha Messenger Bag
- Hermes Blanket
- Hermes Pillows
- Gucci Towel Set
- Louis Vuitton Wool Blanket
- Chanel Bath Towels
- Chanel Sunglasses
- Celine Cat Eye Sunglasses
- Celine Hat
- MCM Leather Hat
- ICON Hat
- Amiri Hat
- Gucci Hat
- Gucci Snake Hat
- Prada Hat
- Burberry Hat
- Coach Tabby Pillow Bag
- Bottega Cassette Crossbody Bag
- Vevine Westwood Necklace
- LV Millionaire Sunglasses
- LV Cyclone Sunglasses
- LV Ring
- LV Earrings
- LV Emilie Wallet
- Various LV Bags
- LV Sunglasses
- LV Keychain
- Chanel Earrings
- Clear Cartier Glasses
- Cartier Nail Bracelet
- UGG Gloves
- Tiffany Bracelet
- Tiffany Hearts Ring
- Tiffany Solitaire Ring
- Tiffany Earrings
- C.P COMPANY Beanie
- Canada Goose Beanie
- Prada Beanie
- Louis Vuitton Beanie
- Balenciaga Beanie
- Gucci Shocks
- Balenciaga Side Logo Hat
- Eric Emanuel EE Shorts
- Corteiz Cargo Pants
- Essentials Sweatpants
- Amiri Jeans
- Rhude Shorts
- Gallery Dept. Sweatpants
- Stone Island Cargo Pants
- Lululemon Yoga Pants
- Flower Jeans
- True Religion Jeans
- Gucci Shorts
- Essentials Shorts
- More Amiri
- Stone Island Sweatpants
- Stone Island Shorts
- Gucci Shorts
- Balmain Jeans
- DSQARED2 Jeans
- Amiri Jeans
- Amiri Angel Jeans
- Dsquared2 Jeans
- Bape Shorts
- Palm Angels Shorts
- Alexander McQueen
- Versace Chain Reaction
- MSCHF Big Red Boots
- More Alexander McQueens
- Selehe Bembury x Crocs
- Foam Runners
- Balenciaga Triple S
- Balenciaga Speed Runner
- Balenciaga Track
- Balenciaga Slides With Box
- Burberry REGIS
- Bapesta
- Bapesta Sk8
- Gucci Ace
- Gucci Rhython
- YSL Heels
- Rick Owens
- Dior Boots
- Hermes Sandals
- Chloe Sandals
- UGG Slippers
- Gucci Heels
- Prada Heels
- Valentino Shoes
- Louis Vuitton Trainer
- Louis Vuitton Slides
- Dior B22
- Dior B30
- Christian Louboutin
- Gucci Flashtrecks
- Gucci Slides
- Gucci Floral Slides
- Givenchy Slides With Box
- New Balance 550
- New Balance 2002R
- Birkenstocks
- Off-White Low Top Sneakers
- Nike x Nocta Hot Step
- Nike Dunk
- Fragment Lows
- Jordan 1
- Jordan 3
- Jordan 4
- More Jordan 4s
- Jordan 5
- Jordan 11
- Air Force 1
- Nike x Tiffany Air Force 1
- Skeleton Nike Air Force 1
- Air Force 1 Supreme
- Nike Air Max Plus
- Nike Air Max 97
- Nike Vapormax Plus
- Revenge x Storms
- Kobe 6
- Yeezy 350 v2
- Cheaper Yeezy 350
- Yeezy 350 v1
- Yeezy 700
- Yeezy 500
- Yeezy 380
- Yeezy Knit Runner
- Yeezy Slides
- Yeezy NSLTD Boots
2023.06.02 13:45 Speedy1854 Let’s talk Keepall55
Good morning all! First let me say how excited I am to find this sub- can’t believe it’s taken me this long!! Lol
So I just got my Monogram Keepall 55 back from repair. The canvas was in perfect condition but I really just wanted it freshened up. I had not used it in quite a very long time. I will let you know that it took a very long time, about eight months which is not very common for a repair piece, but OK. It was an important piece to me and I didn’t mind being patient and it definitely paid off. She is perfect!!! The question is this- should I keep her or should I sell? I have another Keepall 55 in Damier Ebene which I prefer because of the Vachetta issue. Vachetta is absolutely gorgeous until it isn’t. I don’t care for the patina and it seems inevitable which is why I stopped using the piece in the first place. Also in my opinion the Keepall 55 is not a good carry-on bag. It gets too heavy when it’s full which makes it a better weekend bag for a car trip versus a plane trip. So I was thinking of selling it and getting either a 45 or a 50. I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts. Thanks and Happy Friday!!!!
EDIT to add- this is the third old piece I’ve had refurbished and I couldn’t be happier with the results. I far prefer the older vintage canvas to the newer canvas!! Definitely worth the effort!!!!
submitted by Speedy1854 to Louisvuitton [link] [comments]
So I just got my Monogram Keepall 55 back from repair. The canvas was in perfect condition but I really just wanted it freshened up. I had not used it in quite a very long time. I will let you know that it took a very long time, about eight months which is not very common for a repair piece, but OK. It was an important piece to me and I didn’t mind being patient and it definitely paid off. She is perfect!!! The question is this- should I keep her or should I sell? I have another Keepall 55 in Damier Ebene which I prefer because of the Vachetta issue. Vachetta is absolutely gorgeous until it isn’t. I don’t care for the patina and it seems inevitable which is why I stopped using the piece in the first place. Also in my opinion the Keepall 55 is not a good carry-on bag. It gets too heavy when it’s full which makes it a better weekend bag for a car trip versus a plane trip. So I was thinking of selling it and getting either a 45 or a 50. I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts. Thanks and Happy Friday!!!!
EDIT to add- this is the third old piece I’ve had refurbished and I couldn’t be happier with the results. I far prefer the older vintage canvas to the newer canvas!! Definitely worth the effort!!!!
2023.06.02 07:20 follow_the_dopamine Batch number 2!
Hello all! I’m brand new to the scene but I just killed my first batch of a traditional mead, and now I’m going bigger and more complex!
My first sat for 8 weeks in the primary fermenter then about 5 days in the secondary to “mature.” That’s in quotes because I was just tired of seeing the layer of yeast in my brew. Anyway, it came out alright! Initially sweet, then immediately dry, then it was like drinking a piece of bread. That was my very first taste after transferring to secondary. Then when I decided I was too impatient, I shook the devil out of it to degas and that really helped the profile. So much so that a couple buddies who tried it said it tasted like something they would buy from a store.
Now I don’t know if they were just blowing smoke, but today I bought 20lbs of honey and started my second batch! It’s a Viking blood copycat, using strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and red raspberries. I decided against cherries because I can’t stand them. Period. The wife and I are super excited to try it once it’s ready here in about 3-4 months! I’m using Red Star Premier Blanc champagne yeast, and I chose it because it was yellow. It caught my eye before all the other options popped up on Amazon. I don’t plan on adding nutrients just because I’m lazy and I don’t want to mess with my bucket anymore.
The recipe is as follows: 20lbs of Kirkland wildflower honey 1 2lb bag of frozen whole strawberries 1 3lb bag of triple berry blend with blueberries, blackberries, and red raspberries (both bags are good & gather brand from target) 10 grams of yeast (see my choice above) Topped off with about 3 and a half gallons of spring water, or until you’re happy with the desired fill level
Big shout out to Costco for having 5lb bottles of honey for $15.99!
submitted by follow_the_dopamine to Homebrewing [link] [comments]
My first sat for 8 weeks in the primary fermenter then about 5 days in the secondary to “mature.” That’s in quotes because I was just tired of seeing the layer of yeast in my brew. Anyway, it came out alright! Initially sweet, then immediately dry, then it was like drinking a piece of bread. That was my very first taste after transferring to secondary. Then when I decided I was too impatient, I shook the devil out of it to degas and that really helped the profile. So much so that a couple buddies who tried it said it tasted like something they would buy from a store.
Now I don’t know if they were just blowing smoke, but today I bought 20lbs of honey and started my second batch! It’s a Viking blood copycat, using strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and red raspberries. I decided against cherries because I can’t stand them. Period. The wife and I are super excited to try it once it’s ready here in about 3-4 months! I’m using Red Star Premier Blanc champagne yeast, and I chose it because it was yellow. It caught my eye before all the other options popped up on Amazon. I don’t plan on adding nutrients just because I’m lazy and I don’t want to mess with my bucket anymore.
The recipe is as follows: 20lbs of Kirkland wildflower honey 1 2lb bag of frozen whole strawberries 1 3lb bag of triple berry blend with blueberries, blackberries, and red raspberries (both bags are good & gather brand from target) 10 grams of yeast (see my choice above) Topped off with about 3 and a half gallons of spring water, or until you’re happy with the desired fill level
Big shout out to Costco for having 5lb bottles of honey for $15.99!
2023.06.02 05:09 rainiila Everything is SO DIRTY in my house but I can’t afford to move out
I am so, so grateful for my parents allowing me to live with them. I work 20-30 hours a week and study and unfortunately I can’t afford to move out on my own right now.
Everything in this house feels SO DIRTY and it’s like my family members are blind to it.
My sister will leave bloody underpants soaking in the tub for a whole week, and will walk around wearing just a g-string and shirt. She will also leave her dirty underpants on the bathroom floor… I can see the discharge on her underpants when I go to shower.
There is so much long hair… all over the floor. The bins inside the house are often overflowing. The washing machine won’t be cleaned for months, neither will the toilet or the shower.
People will leave rotten fruit and veg… uncovered on the counter for multiple days ‘to feed to the possums’. We have a bucket (with a lid!!) for this purpose but my mum will routinely leave it outside (empty) and then just store old fruit and veg in an uncovered bowl on the bench.
The fridge and the pantry… feels like a warzone. Sometimes I help clean out the fridge or pantry and I will throw out items that are several months or YEARS old. There is food stored all over the floor of the pantry.
Today’s trigger was going to the kitchen. Sometimes I have herbal tea and will place the tea bag in a small dish, so that I can use the teabag twice. Someone had moved this so it was… directly next to the bowl of uncovered old fruit/veg. Including a tomato that was half BLACK. Uncovered just in the middle of the bench.
I went outside to get the bucket, so I could put the old fruit and veg in a sealed bucket. On the outside table I saw a container with another rotten tomato. Like, literally green and liquid tomato. I had taken this container of tomato out of the fridge … last week? And gone to throw the entire container in the bin (because the tomato was LIQUID and green, who would want to clean that?). My mother had said she would dispose of the tomato and clean the container. Ok, sweet. Instead it had just… sat outside on our outside table for another week turning into mould soup.
I have work in an hour and am crying because everything feels so DIRTY AND DISGUSTING. I try my hardest to do my fair share of cleaning but it’s like everyone else here can’t see what I see.
Disclaimer - I have not been professionally diagnosed with autism. I have spoken to a Dr who said he thought I was very likely on the spectrum and suggested a professional assessment, but I decided not to pursue this due to time/ money.
submitted by rainiila to AutismInWomen [link] [comments]
Everything in this house feels SO DIRTY and it’s like my family members are blind to it.
My sister will leave bloody underpants soaking in the tub for a whole week, and will walk around wearing just a g-string and shirt. She will also leave her dirty underpants on the bathroom floor… I can see the discharge on her underpants when I go to shower.
There is so much long hair… all over the floor. The bins inside the house are often overflowing. The washing machine won’t be cleaned for months, neither will the toilet or the shower.
People will leave rotten fruit and veg… uncovered on the counter for multiple days ‘to feed to the possums’. We have a bucket (with a lid!!) for this purpose but my mum will routinely leave it outside (empty) and then just store old fruit and veg in an uncovered bowl on the bench.
The fridge and the pantry… feels like a warzone. Sometimes I help clean out the fridge or pantry and I will throw out items that are several months or YEARS old. There is food stored all over the floor of the pantry.
Today’s trigger was going to the kitchen. Sometimes I have herbal tea and will place the tea bag in a small dish, so that I can use the teabag twice. Someone had moved this so it was… directly next to the bowl of uncovered old fruit/veg. Including a tomato that was half BLACK. Uncovered just in the middle of the bench.
I went outside to get the bucket, so I could put the old fruit and veg in a sealed bucket. On the outside table I saw a container with another rotten tomato. Like, literally green and liquid tomato. I had taken this container of tomato out of the fridge … last week? And gone to throw the entire container in the bin (because the tomato was LIQUID and green, who would want to clean that?). My mother had said she would dispose of the tomato and clean the container. Ok, sweet. Instead it had just… sat outside on our outside table for another week turning into mould soup.
I have work in an hour and am crying because everything feels so DIRTY AND DISGUSTING. I try my hardest to do my fair share of cleaning but it’s like everyone else here can’t see what I see.
Disclaimer - I have not been professionally diagnosed with autism. I have spoken to a Dr who said he thought I was very likely on the spectrum and suggested a professional assessment, but I decided not to pursue this due to time/ money.
2023.06.02 00:55 Superb-Ad4997 Wildflower Weekend Wedding - Budget/Recap May 2023
This subreddit allowed me to plan our wedding. I am so grateful and found these breakdowns especially useful, and now a cathartic experience for me and hopefully a way to give back!
Photos
First step that helped us the most was deciding as a team early on what we wanted our wedding to bring to us and our future.
We were inspired early on by This Post and the comments.
We have both been through a lot of life and have a lot of gratitude for the people that have gotten us to this point and wanted to make space to celebrate with all of them in a big way. This inspired the rest of our wedding planning, committing us to a big guest list, requiring a big venue. We invited 304 people (154 households), 179 RSVP’d yes, and had ~10 no-show. Our family and friends live all over the country and some abroad, so we decided to pick a location close to us, but that had multiple houses on site to host our family/bridal party for the weekend (thurs-sunday; saturday wedding) so that we could have more time with those people closest to us.
Total: $69,407 (MCOL area)
Venue: $28,250 “Weekend Package”
Google Spreadsheet Wedding Planning
It’s created from all sorts of different helpful spreadsheets I found here and from other wedding websites. The “Checklist” really doesn’t start until I realized how easy it is to get lost in needing to capture so many personal little details that would keep me up at night feeling like they were slipping through the cracks. But if you’re starting from the beginning, you will need to include the big ticket “check boxes” that are in the budget portion. Hopefully it can help some others! Happy planning Weddit!
submitted by Superb-Ad4997 to weddingplanning [link] [comments]
Photos
First step that helped us the most was deciding as a team early on what we wanted our wedding to bring to us and our future.
We were inspired early on by This Post and the comments.
We have both been through a lot of life and have a lot of gratitude for the people that have gotten us to this point and wanted to make space to celebrate with all of them in a big way. This inspired the rest of our wedding planning, committing us to a big guest list, requiring a big venue. We invited 304 people (154 households), 179 RSVP’d yes, and had ~10 no-show. Our family and friends live all over the country and some abroad, so we decided to pick a location close to us, but that had multiple houses on site to host our family/bridal party for the weekend (thurs-sunday; saturday wedding) so that we could have more time with those people closest to us.
Total: $69,407 (MCOL area)
Venue: $28,250 “Weekend Package”
- Indoor and outdoor space for ceremony/reception
- Lodging for ~60 people w/Lake access
- Rehearsal dinner space (same as wedding reception)
- Weekend coordinators
- Tables/chairs/arbor
- Additional costs - $1500: rehearsal dinner speakers/mic, bars, extra chairs/tables, late checkout, event insurance
- 2 additional houses near venue (lodging for 15 people)
- Because we were about 30min from the nearest city, we decided it was important to us to be able to have close family nearby, and rented out these houses as a gift for close family and friends. We debated a few different ways to have people rent the rooms back from us, but in the end felt like covering lodging cost was the better option.
- Postcard STD ($60), Invites w/vellum paper + details/rsvp insert + personalized sticker ($298), Thank you cards ($25), Seating Chart ($20 - GotPrint, 24”x30” foam board, used coupon), Table Numbers ($35 - printed on shutterfly sale 5x7), Programs w/menu ($200), Postage ($207 - estimating on thank you cards, saved money with postcard stamps).
- I designed everything on Canva (free), and printed almost everything above through canva as well with a few exceptions. They were excellent. I had fun making my own wedding “suite” that suited our personalities and could be used from the invites to the table numbers.
- Program was a booklet that was made using x2 8x11 sheets printed as “letterhead” folded to have a welcome page, ceremony structure, wedding party, community vow, wedding day timeline, our love story timeline, the menu, and a thank you back page with a map I designed using SnazzyMaps with pins from every state/country people traveled from
- We did online RSVP through WithJoy and it was great. We also used GoogleForms early in the planning process to collect addresses that autopopulated into an excel spreadsheet.
- Linens** ($360 - bought, (40 round, 10 rectangle) split cost as sharing with a friend. The cost to rent and have the linens transported to the venue would’ve been $2000. This was one of the toughest parts of the DIY wedding - happy to post more info if other people are also trying to do this.)
- Sign holders ($80 - 5x7 off amazon for 48 total), bud vases ($22 - most vases were borrowed from friends/family), Guest “book” ($180- we bought 4 nice photo frames with mattes and took the mattes out and had people sign them - came out beautifully), Bathroom baskets ($189), Glowsticks/Foam party sticks ($63), Sparklers ($97 - last minute add and I’m glad we did. It was special to have a “closing ceremony” of sorts - even though we all went back to the house at the venue for an after party)
- Photo backdrop and neon “good vibes only” sign - gifted
- Flower Moxie “Wildflower Package” with additional add ins ($2260) - these flowers were amazing. (photo of my bouquet in a vase - I’d had the flowers for 1 week!) We got buckets from Trader Joes for free. We had pruning shears and gloves on hand. We have a family member that has done florals for a few weddings and works at a plant shop. She gave us the amazing gift of doing our bouquets and bringing in potted flowers and ferns as well. She also designed a faux flower arbor accent for us based on our flowers. This work was incredible. Happy to answer more DIY flower questions.
- Grandparent charms ($102): both sets of my grandparents passed away. I had these designed from etsy with 3 charms including their wedding photo, kiss photo, and cake cutting photo. Absolutely worth it. Planning to re-purpose as a christmas tree ornament heirloom.
- Wedding catered for 174 people, Chickfila for wedding day lunch (~70 people), PapaJohn’s Thursday night of wedding weekend
- Catering was buffet and “Heavy Hors d'oeuvres” style with a mac n’cheese bar and we heard only good things from everyone
- Included cake cutting service, coffee/tea/watelemonade, and sodas/mixers/ice for the bar
- Bride mom paid for costco snacks/sandwiches for the weekend
- Groom family paid for catered rehearsal dinner
- Bride mom mom paid for wedding cake ($75) also from costco which was amazing - we did 3 sheet cakes and 1 round cake for cutting. We had 1 entire sheet cake leftover.
- BeeWine for wedding and rehearsal dinner ($1557); wedding day bartenders x3 for 5.5hrs ($1950), personalized koozies ($245)
- Groom’s family had a contact and bought all the liquor for the rehearsal dinnewedding
- Our venue allowed BYOB, and some of this cost includes extra alcohol for the wedding weekend, though we also had friends BYOB
- Beer from Sam’s Club and Total Wine ($727) - mix of Miller, Coors, Ultra, Founder’s IPA, Stella (this is the only alcohol that ran out)
- Wine from Trader Joes ($830)- you can talk with someone about ordering cases in advance and it took about 5 days to arrive. We did not do a champagne toast, but I got 10 bottles of trader joe’s prosecco to have at the bridal party house for the weekend. We got 2 cases of red, 6 cases of white, 2 cases of rose and had between 6-12 bottles of each type of wine leftover. I only bought wine that we like, so plan to drink it in the coming months and did not ask about their return policy.
- Included ceremony speakers/2 mics, had a fun video display that rotated out photos of people dancing, and including lighting
- Photo ($4839) 10 hours day of wedding and an engagement session.
- Video ($5000) 9 hours day of and includes a short video plus we paid extra to have all the raw footage
- These were some of our biggest hype people! It was definitely a price point early in the planning process where we had sticker shock, but we are very happy with the decisions we made here. These memories are priceless and the day really does fly by. They made us feel so at ease and so comfortable just being ourselves and coordinating chaotic big families and making the day all about us being in love and celebrating our love.
- Groom suit ($462 - mens warehouse custom, “lifetime” alterations - was a mess. Dropped it off 6 weeks before the wedding, they didn’t call and tell us it was ready, called them the week before the wedding and they said it was ready, the pants were not even hemmed and incorrect alterations had been done. We bought a “back-up” sale suit from J Crew that night for ~$300 and that’s what my husband ended up wearing- no alterations but fit and looked better than the men’s warehouse. Hopefully we get other uses out of both suits).
- Groom shoes, tie, belt, suit shirt ($180)
- Bride Dress ($2299- Stella York- included steaming, storage, preservation), alterations ($410- 7 point bustle, hemmed, shoulders shortened, felt added to shoulder straps, button loops added - was just a zipper, back taken in slightly).
- Bride Shoes ($99 - custom converse, wore several times again already!), Bra ($50- boomba, worked great!), accessories ($130), Veil $20 on amazon and perfect.
- Last minute also added in a new rehearsal dinner dress and short party dress that can be worn for other occasions. I loved my wedding dress and really wanted to wear it all night but about 30min into dancing I wasn’t able to party as much as I wanted to and was glad I had the party dress to swap into!
- Wedding bands from Brilliant Earth: Groom ($1285- platinum), Bride ($1069- white gold)
- HMUA $125 for haimakeup/lashes- (was also $125 for the trial - glad I did it!)- there was also a travel fee as we had it done at the venue that I paid.
- Marriage License $85, Notary $60
- Officiant $300
- Groomsman Gift ($300)
- Bridesmaid Gift ($0- family friend quilted large tote bags for everyone)
- Bridesmaid/Groomsmen Attire ($0 for us - we had large bridal parties so did not cover this cost. Bridesmaid’s ordered their preference of Azazie dress - decided on bermuda blue to contrast the wildflowers- and groomsmen rented from Men’s Warehouse).
- We tipped our day of coordinator $100, DJ $100 (owns the business, but did great!), HMUA 20% ($300 - I paid the entire tip cost for my bridal party but they paid for the HMU cost).
- Photo/Video own their businesses so did not tip- (leaving reviews!)
- Asked catering about tipping and they said they pay all staff a fair wage and it is not expected and gave a range of what people sometimes do tip. We ended up tipping the 9 staff/bartenders $30 each.
Google Spreadsheet Wedding Planning
It’s created from all sorts of different helpful spreadsheets I found here and from other wedding websites. The “Checklist” really doesn’t start until I realized how easy it is to get lost in needing to capture so many personal little details that would keep me up at night feeling like they were slipping through the cracks. But if you’re starting from the beginning, you will need to include the big ticket “check boxes” that are in the budget portion. Hopefully it can help some others! Happy planning Weddit!
2023.06.02 00:08 NBAjjchamberlain NBA Finals 2023 - Five Strategies to Watch
This year’s NBA Finals is already historic. The Heat are the first play-in team to claw their way out of a 44-38 record and 8th seed to land themselves in the NBA Finals. The Nuggets have never made a Finals, had the best record in the battle hardened West and the city is absolutely stoked. What are NBA heads saying about the series? What are fans around the world hoping to see? How are coaches going to keep these ballers away from Denver’s number one trending story of the year: Shotgun Willie’s Gentleman’s Club, which infamously siren songed the Grizzlies’ Ja Morant into stacking cash on every inch of the private dance room? Slap a booty and get ready for the last NBA basketball of the year.
1 - How to stop Nikola Jokic?
The two time MVP is having yet another killer season. He’s been, arguably, the best player in the playoffs of all time. He’s averging a triple double on 29.9 points, 13.3 assists, 10.3 rebounds and around 1 block and 1 steal per game. This guy can do it all and has undoubtedly contributed to the Heat coaching staff’s lack of sleep. Luckily the state just decrminalized a fanny pack of plant based drugs that may help.
Everyone knows how much the Heat love running zone defense. Can the zone even stop Jokic? Doubt it but the Heat are going to try. They run a fluid 2-3 zone which can flow directly into a 1-3-1 formation. The Heat need to pack the middle of the floor and push Jokic to the sidelines on the pick and roll using their 1-3-1. If the Heat can keep Jokic out of the middle of the floor that limits his options on the center-point guard pick and roll that he runs to perfection with Jamal Murray. Look for easy rebounds and putbacks on the weak side from Aaron Gordon and Michael Porter Jr.
Can the Nuggets outshoot the zone? Damn right they can. Will they? We’ll see. The Heat run out and defend every single three point attempt. They held the sharp shooting Boston Celtics to 30% from 3, down from 37% during the regular season. However, this series may be won from the three point line if the Nuggets can run and the Heat can get Butler into the lane for kickouts.
2 - Who can guard Jimmy Butler?
Aaron Gordon most likely. We will see if he’s too slow to stay in front of Jimmy. If Butler still has that nagging injury he’s been battling the past two series that will help out AG. There are a couple bodies that the Nuggets can throw at James Effin Buckets. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope is an underrated defender with sneaky strength. Reggie Jackson is rusty but used to be able to defend at a high level. Bruce Brown has the heart of fiesty chihuahua but he’s too small. Jamal is too small too. We’ve all seen what Jimmy’s done to smaller guards, he’ll bully his way to the lane and make defenders look stupid with his pump fakes, footwork, interior passing and little chip shots. If Jimmy gets stuffed this series, who will show up for the Heat?
3 - Malone vs Spo
Erik Spoelstra has solidified his standing as one of the greatest coaches of the era, possibly all time. This will be his 6th NBA Finals since taking over the reigns from Pat Riley in 2009. I have no doubt that Spo has some tricks in the bag and having the Godfather on speed dial doesn’t hurt either.
But Malone is no stranger to NBA legacies. His father Brendan was an assistant for the champion Pistons in the late 80’s and then again with the Knicks Finals run in 1999 and the Reggie Miller Pacers in 2000. Michael himself was an assistant during LeBron’s first Finals in 2007. So he does have some experience here in the promised land.
This coaching matchup will come down to, you guessed it, in-game adjustments. Each coach’s ability to change on the fly will be crucial to finding the weak points in each other’s schemes. Every possession will matter in these games. Look for Malone to push the pace with his crew and try to get some quick transition buckets before the Heat can set up their defense. Jokic excels in the rebound-and-go game. In the half court, Malone will try to move Jokic around to different points on the floor and it will be especially interesting when he puts Joker back to the basket in the post. He has the passing, vision, strength, length and creativity to be dangerous that close to the basket.
Spoelstra on the other hand will walk the ball up, play through Butler and try to swing the Nuggets defense from side to side. Expect him to set up Duncan Robinson and Max Strus on the wings where they can be dangerous driving or shooting the three off the Butler-Bam Adebayo pick and roll. Kevin Love can still knock down an open jumper and may have some post move tricks up his sleeve. But he’s so old he can’t even drive a golf cart anymore. Love can be another big body that Spo can put on Jokic to give him different defenders.
4 - Bench Scoring - Who will shine?
The bright lights may burn the bench guys but some will bask in the glory. Kyle Lowry is due for a big game after struggling against the Celtics top tier wing defenders. The Nuggets don’t have the bench defense to hold down all the Heat shooters so we will see a game won by a Heat backup, like we’ve seen in plenty of games so far this playoffs.
The Nuggets bench has issues. Jeff Green is too old. Christian Braun is too young. Reggie Jackson and Thomas Bryant have yet to work their way into the rotation. DeAndre Jordan is a mascot. However, expect some decent minutes from…Vlatko Cancar if the Heat bench is outperforming Green, Brown and Braun. Cancar can guard Love and Robinson. Really this Nuggets bench goes how Bruce Brown goes. If he has a hot game on both ends, the bench looks unstoppable. If he withers like a winter flower then the Heat bench will dominate like they’ve done all year.
5 - The crowd, the altitude, the experience, the refs
Intangibles. The stuff numbers can’t measure. The Nuggets crowd will be loud, fired up and intense. The Heat crowd, not so much. They’ve been spoiled over the years, show up late and leave early. They do wear the white shirts though which looks nice but makes the empty seats even more noticeable.
Do players play worse at altitude? Short answer, yes. Long answer, it depends. The altitude will effect the Heat at the beginning and end of games. The biggest concern is dehydration which means keeping the Heat out of the club and focused on basketball. Heat culture will play a big role here with everyone, top to bottom, 100% ready for each game.
The Heat have much more experience in the Finals than the Nuggets. They have two NBA champions in the rotation in KLove and KLow, three if you count the corpse of Udonis Haslem. They also have a few returning from their 2020 bubble Finals against the Lakers where they lost a heartbreaker to an Anthony Davis fall away three. This grizzled Heat team will be angry and hungry but what else is new? Their Finals experience may end up being the overriding factor in this series, especially among the coaching staffs. The Heat will stay calm and collected even with the intensity through the roof.
Finally, the NBA’s middle management, the refs. Who does the NBA want to win? What will revenue more? This is a coin flip. With the Lakers, Knicks, Celtics and Warriors all on the couch, gone fishin’ or 1-2-3 Cancunin’, the refs will likely call this series as even as they can. A Jokic ring would be the icing on the cake for Eastern European basketball which hasn’t ever had an MVP champion.
So who ya got? The Nuggets in 5 seems like a solid bet at +225 against a hobbled Heat team. But if the Heat push it to six and get back home expect them to finish hard and force a game 7. Heat in 7 is +1000 and it’s tough to bet against them the way they’ve defied all odds.
submitted by NBAjjchamberlain to justbasketball [link] [comments]
1 - How to stop Nikola Jokic?
The two time MVP is having yet another killer season. He’s been, arguably, the best player in the playoffs of all time. He’s averging a triple double on 29.9 points, 13.3 assists, 10.3 rebounds and around 1 block and 1 steal per game. This guy can do it all and has undoubtedly contributed to the Heat coaching staff’s lack of sleep. Luckily the state just decrminalized a fanny pack of plant based drugs that may help.
Everyone knows how much the Heat love running zone defense. Can the zone even stop Jokic? Doubt it but the Heat are going to try. They run a fluid 2-3 zone which can flow directly into a 1-3-1 formation. The Heat need to pack the middle of the floor and push Jokic to the sidelines on the pick and roll using their 1-3-1. If the Heat can keep Jokic out of the middle of the floor that limits his options on the center-point guard pick and roll that he runs to perfection with Jamal Murray. Look for easy rebounds and putbacks on the weak side from Aaron Gordon and Michael Porter Jr.
Can the Nuggets outshoot the zone? Damn right they can. Will they? We’ll see. The Heat run out and defend every single three point attempt. They held the sharp shooting Boston Celtics to 30% from 3, down from 37% during the regular season. However, this series may be won from the three point line if the Nuggets can run and the Heat can get Butler into the lane for kickouts.
2 - Who can guard Jimmy Butler?
Aaron Gordon most likely. We will see if he’s too slow to stay in front of Jimmy. If Butler still has that nagging injury he’s been battling the past two series that will help out AG. There are a couple bodies that the Nuggets can throw at James Effin Buckets. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope is an underrated defender with sneaky strength. Reggie Jackson is rusty but used to be able to defend at a high level. Bruce Brown has the heart of fiesty chihuahua but he’s too small. Jamal is too small too. We’ve all seen what Jimmy’s done to smaller guards, he’ll bully his way to the lane and make defenders look stupid with his pump fakes, footwork, interior passing and little chip shots. If Jimmy gets stuffed this series, who will show up for the Heat?
3 - Malone vs Spo
Erik Spoelstra has solidified his standing as one of the greatest coaches of the era, possibly all time. This will be his 6th NBA Finals since taking over the reigns from Pat Riley in 2009. I have no doubt that Spo has some tricks in the bag and having the Godfather on speed dial doesn’t hurt either.
But Malone is no stranger to NBA legacies. His father Brendan was an assistant for the champion Pistons in the late 80’s and then again with the Knicks Finals run in 1999 and the Reggie Miller Pacers in 2000. Michael himself was an assistant during LeBron’s first Finals in 2007. So he does have some experience here in the promised land.
This coaching matchup will come down to, you guessed it, in-game adjustments. Each coach’s ability to change on the fly will be crucial to finding the weak points in each other’s schemes. Every possession will matter in these games. Look for Malone to push the pace with his crew and try to get some quick transition buckets before the Heat can set up their defense. Jokic excels in the rebound-and-go game. In the half court, Malone will try to move Jokic around to different points on the floor and it will be especially interesting when he puts Joker back to the basket in the post. He has the passing, vision, strength, length and creativity to be dangerous that close to the basket.
Spoelstra on the other hand will walk the ball up, play through Butler and try to swing the Nuggets defense from side to side. Expect him to set up Duncan Robinson and Max Strus on the wings where they can be dangerous driving or shooting the three off the Butler-Bam Adebayo pick and roll. Kevin Love can still knock down an open jumper and may have some post move tricks up his sleeve. But he’s so old he can’t even drive a golf cart anymore. Love can be another big body that Spo can put on Jokic to give him different defenders.
4 - Bench Scoring - Who will shine?
The bright lights may burn the bench guys but some will bask in the glory. Kyle Lowry is due for a big game after struggling against the Celtics top tier wing defenders. The Nuggets don’t have the bench defense to hold down all the Heat shooters so we will see a game won by a Heat backup, like we’ve seen in plenty of games so far this playoffs.
The Nuggets bench has issues. Jeff Green is too old. Christian Braun is too young. Reggie Jackson and Thomas Bryant have yet to work their way into the rotation. DeAndre Jordan is a mascot. However, expect some decent minutes from…Vlatko Cancar if the Heat bench is outperforming Green, Brown and Braun. Cancar can guard Love and Robinson. Really this Nuggets bench goes how Bruce Brown goes. If he has a hot game on both ends, the bench looks unstoppable. If he withers like a winter flower then the Heat bench will dominate like they’ve done all year.
5 - The crowd, the altitude, the experience, the refs
Intangibles. The stuff numbers can’t measure. The Nuggets crowd will be loud, fired up and intense. The Heat crowd, not so much. They’ve been spoiled over the years, show up late and leave early. They do wear the white shirts though which looks nice but makes the empty seats even more noticeable.
Do players play worse at altitude? Short answer, yes. Long answer, it depends. The altitude will effect the Heat at the beginning and end of games. The biggest concern is dehydration which means keeping the Heat out of the club and focused on basketball. Heat culture will play a big role here with everyone, top to bottom, 100% ready for each game.
The Heat have much more experience in the Finals than the Nuggets. They have two NBA champions in the rotation in KLove and KLow, three if you count the corpse of Udonis Haslem. They also have a few returning from their 2020 bubble Finals against the Lakers where they lost a heartbreaker to an Anthony Davis fall away three. This grizzled Heat team will be angry and hungry but what else is new? Their Finals experience may end up being the overriding factor in this series, especially among the coaching staffs. The Heat will stay calm and collected even with the intensity through the roof.
Finally, the NBA’s middle management, the refs. Who does the NBA want to win? What will revenue more? This is a coin flip. With the Lakers, Knicks, Celtics and Warriors all on the couch, gone fishin’ or 1-2-3 Cancunin’, the refs will likely call this series as even as they can. A Jokic ring would be the icing on the cake for Eastern European basketball which hasn’t ever had an MVP champion.
So who ya got? The Nuggets in 5 seems like a solid bet at +225 against a hobbled Heat team. But if the Heat push it to six and get back home expect them to finish hard and force a game 7. Heat in 7 is +1000 and it’s tough to bet against them the way they’ve defied all odds.
2023.06.01 21:43 BerryMochi19 The Enchanted Ones “Journey of the Believers”
Chapter 1
The Villager’s Warning
In the North near the tempestuous mountains and the groves of the Relum trees, which grow relum, which are like sweet pears, was a prosperous village called “ Alestra”. Alestra is a medium-sized village known for its cloying relums and its soft and crumbly soil perfect for the trees and gardens. They lived a humble and healthy life supplying themselves with veggies and meat from the boars they hunted. The water from Rivenile was the source of their agricultural success and survival. The sound of little children having fun exploring the fields of grain while their family works diligently on the farms. Most of the children spend their time outside either helping with their family's farm or playing near the grains and on the trees playing fun games. All except one particular boy who will spend his days indoors writing stories and reading about the fascinating creatures he wishes to discover. His name was Aran Yearwood, a 12-year-old with red hair living with his parents who helped the village by transporting their food and veggies to nearby villages. Aran eagerly followed his father, perpetually saying “Father, can I hear the story about the Rift Creators of the Coliseum again please?”. The father replied, “ How about tonight when your mother is back for dinner, is that alright?”. “ Yes Father,” said Aran. Aran rushed to his room whose walls were covered with sheets of drawings and a portrait of his family right in the center of his room. His desk was piled with books and maps slightly torn and dirty. His bed was big enough for him, and a little chest lay at the end of the bed to store the items he cherished. Aran sat on his chair and picked up a book labeled “ Creatures of the Night” and he sat on his bed and read from where he began. Meanwhile, the Father went near his stable and put the ponderous goods on the wagon when he smelled a putrid stench of a rotting corpse. The father looked around to find the smell and discovered a Villager riding a horse carrying a wagon with numerous dead bodies disfigured and all missing body parts. “ What happened to them!?” stuttered the father in shock. “ To be honest I don’t know?” said the villager. “It might be a wolf or a bear,” said the villager. “That can’t be bears since it's winter,” said the father. “We might have to stop shipment to other villages,” said the villager. “Why, though, it's only a few animals we can take care of,” said the father. “Well, that depends if the mayor agrees,” the villager says. “Shouldn’t we mail this to animal control, maybe they can control these beasts,” the father said. “Already mailed it to them, should be arriving in a few weeks or so”. The villager rode his horse to the village square leaving the father worried. When it was nightfall the family was at the dinner table eating their food. They had a hot and warm meat pie filled with lamb and pork all mixed with gravy with a side of pan-fried spinach. After their dinner, Aran rushed towards his room with his father following him. “ Are you gonna tell me the story Father?” asked Aran. “ Alright, hold your patience,” said the father as he sat down on the bed. “ The story of the ..colosseum begins with the Greater wills, gods who judge the realms and serve as the way of evolution”. “When these gods see someone they love they give birth to the demigods. “ Each demigod ruled the realms and served as a ruler for their realms,” asked the Father. “ They had abilities like gravity, time, War, pestilence, and even death, while others had less powerful abilities like sand,” said the father. “ Each of the demigods is known to be the best and the most revered in their worlds.,” said the father in a Joyous mood. '' “All had everything they could need in their lives, but some wanted more”. The father looked outside the dark knight. “ Well it's getting late. The father replied with a tired tone “ Sleep well Aran”. “Can you finish the story tomorrow? " asked Aran, resting his head on the pillow. “Of course,” said the father. Aran closed his eyes and dreamed of himself in the stars, seeing the planets go by as he feels the
5 years later
Aran who was now 17 got off his bed with his room no longer having the drawings he used to have and the desk he still had an accumulation of books. He passed his parent's room and went into the kitchen to make his parents some breakfast. Aran's parents were always tired of the number of resources needed for other villages and Aran’s mother sprained her knee when running back to the village. Aran grabbed a few thick pork slices and chopped them to put on the ardent sizzling pan. Aran proceeded to crack a few eggs, mix them with scallions, and place them on the pan with the pork bits until they were cooked well. The sound of the sizzling food awoke the father as he peeked through the kitchen to see his son cook. The father asks” Son it's still dark outside why are you up this early”. “I wanted to give you something to eat while I’m gone with the delivery for the next town,” said Aran. “ Alone, you can’t be alone when Wendigos are out on the road”. “ Let me come and help you deliver the food..” but as the father said that he was cut off and the Aron said, “ It's alright I brought a knife with me and I’ll be cautious”. Aran exited the house and went near the stable to ride his horse carrying the fruits and vegetables on his side. Aran rode his horse down the road to the village square. The village square had big houses with markets surrounding the houses and farms surrounding the Relum trees growing ever so long behind the village. The villagers look depleted and worn out. Aran rode his horse to the other houses to ask for resources and food they offered them all saying “ Tell Newberry to stay strong”. After Aran was finished taking the villager's supplies for Newberry he went to the village chief to gather his resources. He knocked on the door of the Mayor's house and saw him with a pile of water buckets, a few bags of gold, and Packs of wood. “ Ah Aran, please put this on your cart and tell Newberry to stay safe and have hope”. “Of course chief,” said Aran. Aran rode his horse to the village gate next to the tower post. When Aran was next to the post a Knight went outside of the tower replying “ What is your business of leaving Alestra '' . “ I’m transporting my family’s food to the village of Newberry, “ said Aran. “ The village of Newberry isn't doing well since the Wendigos raided them, they're going to need those supplies” said the knight. Aran was permitted to leave Alestera and Aran continued his journey on the path. Aran passed through from a few corpses to an abundance of them until Aran saw the village. The village was burned and ravaged with dark smoke covering the sky and the stench of burning flesh still in the air. Aran rushed to the village to see if anybody survived but found none survived. When Aran was about to leave he saw smoke coming out of the forest, Aran rode his horse swiftly and came to the source of the fire. He saw a few villagers and a small number of children near the fire scared and tired from the raid. “ Are you the villagers of Newberry?” asked Aran. “ We used to be until the Wendigos attacked,” said an elderly lady. Aran with a shocked look on his face asked: “ What about the knights”. “ Most of them died fighting while some died running,” said the old man next to the lady. “ Some more knights tried to help but those insidious beasts forestalled ”. Aran was worried for the villagers of Newberry and shouted“ I have resources from the town of Alestra and we have come for your help!!!”. All the villagers looked at Aran as he continued to shout “ Please gather any resources you need and help yourself to the food you need to survive with!!!”. The Villagers filled with hope and joy rushed to the cart and gathered all the supplies. They were all eating and drinking and covering themselves with blankets making them feel just a little bit safer. “ We don’t know how to thank you, young sir,” said a man with his children next to him. “ Please sir you don’t have to do anything, but if you and the others need help we're just a few miles away south,” said Aran. Aran left with an empty cart and a feeling of beatitude when he saw the villagers of Newberry full of bliss and hope. Halfway through his trip back to his village the horse instantaneously stopped and nearly threw Aran off the horse. “ Stay here Becky,” said Aran smoothly. He jumped off the horse and looked all around to see if anything would jump out and attack him. Suddenly he heard a large screeching sound mixed with screeching. He heard rustling and sticks being broken. He heard the noise again except it was teeth chattering and the sound of a loud sharp horn was closer. “ We have to go, Becky,” said Aran urgently as he jumped on his horse and rode as fast as he could. Aran heard the sound come closer and faster towards him. Aran had the sudden urge to stop the horse midway. Aran stopped his horse and soon after a dark wendigo jumped out in front of him and crashed near some trees and was unconscious for a few seconds. Aran used that time to ride away while horrified by that chase. The wendigo screeched in anger as Aran was out of its sight. Aran returned to the village sweaty and scared and opened the doors only to be on his knees. The father rushed up to him with the mother following him slowly. “ Aran what happened to you?!” asked the father in a frightened manner. “I escaped from a wendigo,” said Aran panting. “ How in this world did you survive?!” asked the father. “ Raranold, let the Aran rest now,” said the mother. “ Aran is traumatized enough for today, we can ask when he is ready but for now let him sleep and rest”. The father took a deep breath and said to Aran “ You can go upstairs and we’ll cook something for you, is that okay ''. “That's okay,” Aran replied. Aran went upstairs to his room and went to his bed to sit. Aran heard voices from downstairs wanting to hear what his parents were talking about. Aran opened the door quietly, walked on the stairs sneakily, and peered through the kitchen to hear what they were saying. “ 7 people died on that road and were eaten, there is no way our son could survive one of their attacks,” said Raranold. “ I think it's time for us to leave the village”. “But where will we go, Raranold,” asked the mother. “ We could go to the city of Elistar and maybe there we can be safe,” said the father. “I don’t know what to do now Elizabeth”. “ We can leave tomorrow when we pack all our stuff and leave while we still have light, and maybe we can reach an inn,” said Elizabeth. “ But what about Aran, how will he handle this?” asked Raranold. “He might be upset about it but I’m sure he’ll love the big city and all its fancy buildings and all the new stuff he’ll like”. “ Plus we have a good amount of money to survive in the city”. “ Now then, we should be cooking dinner at Raranold”. “ Please pass me the mushrooms on your right, we're going to be making some skewers” Aran walked to his room quietly shocked by the fact that he will move from the village he grew up in. Aran looked out the window gazing at the village thinking about how he will never get used to the city. Aran suddenly saw something big and tall in the bushes. It was the same wendigo that was chasing him through the path. Aran quickly fell over in terror and when he got back up, the wendigo was suddenly gone in an instant. “ Oh lords,” said Aran. The wendigo rushed deep into the forests crossing through the dry trees and the murky puddles towards an abandoned camp. The abandoned camp was full of wendigos either resting or fighting each other for food. Near the big stump sat a tall wendigo with various skulls and aches full of bottles and ashes on his sides. The wendigo held a staff with a large skull. The wendigo went towards the large wendigo and shrieked “ Shouldn’t we attack the village now”. The tall Wendigo stood up and said “ We attack when the sun is dim”. They heard horses coming through the road with knights packed with weapons passing by them. The tall Wendigo screamed in the sky letting every Wendigo know that they would attack the village of Alestra.
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The Villager’s Warning
In the North near the tempestuous mountains and the groves of the Relum trees, which grow relum, which are like sweet pears, was a prosperous village called “ Alestra”. Alestra is a medium-sized village known for its cloying relums and its soft and crumbly soil perfect for the trees and gardens. They lived a humble and healthy life supplying themselves with veggies and meat from the boars they hunted. The water from Rivenile was the source of their agricultural success and survival. The sound of little children having fun exploring the fields of grain while their family works diligently on the farms. Most of the children spend their time outside either helping with their family's farm or playing near the grains and on the trees playing fun games. All except one particular boy who will spend his days indoors writing stories and reading about the fascinating creatures he wishes to discover. His name was Aran Yearwood, a 12-year-old with red hair living with his parents who helped the village by transporting their food and veggies to nearby villages. Aran eagerly followed his father, perpetually saying “Father, can I hear the story about the Rift Creators of the Coliseum again please?”. The father replied, “ How about tonight when your mother is back for dinner, is that alright?”. “ Yes Father,” said Aran. Aran rushed to his room whose walls were covered with sheets of drawings and a portrait of his family right in the center of his room. His desk was piled with books and maps slightly torn and dirty. His bed was big enough for him, and a little chest lay at the end of the bed to store the items he cherished. Aran sat on his chair and picked up a book labeled “ Creatures of the Night” and he sat on his bed and read from where he began. Meanwhile, the Father went near his stable and put the ponderous goods on the wagon when he smelled a putrid stench of a rotting corpse. The father looked around to find the smell and discovered a Villager riding a horse carrying a wagon with numerous dead bodies disfigured and all missing body parts. “ What happened to them!?” stuttered the father in shock. “ To be honest I don’t know?” said the villager. “It might be a wolf or a bear,” said the villager. “That can’t be bears since it's winter,” said the father. “We might have to stop shipment to other villages,” said the villager. “Why, though, it's only a few animals we can take care of,” said the father. “Well, that depends if the mayor agrees,” the villager says. “Shouldn’t we mail this to animal control, maybe they can control these beasts,” the father said. “Already mailed it to them, should be arriving in a few weeks or so”. The villager rode his horse to the village square leaving the father worried. When it was nightfall the family was at the dinner table eating their food. They had a hot and warm meat pie filled with lamb and pork all mixed with gravy with a side of pan-fried spinach. After their dinner, Aran rushed towards his room with his father following him. “ Are you gonna tell me the story Father?” asked Aran. “ Alright, hold your patience,” said the father as he sat down on the bed. “ The story of the ..colosseum begins with the Greater wills, gods who judge the realms and serve as the way of evolution”. “When these gods see someone they love they give birth to the demigods. “ Each demigod ruled the realms and served as a ruler for their realms,” asked the Father. “ They had abilities like gravity, time, War, pestilence, and even death, while others had less powerful abilities like sand,” said the father. “ Each of the demigods is known to be the best and the most revered in their worlds.,” said the father in a Joyous mood. '' “All had everything they could need in their lives, but some wanted more”. The father looked outside the dark knight. “ Well it's getting late. The father replied with a tired tone “ Sleep well Aran”. “Can you finish the story tomorrow? " asked Aran, resting his head on the pillow. “Of course,” said the father. Aran closed his eyes and dreamed of himself in the stars, seeing the planets go by as he feels the
5 years later
Aran who was now 17 got off his bed with his room no longer having the drawings he used to have and the desk he still had an accumulation of books. He passed his parent's room and went into the kitchen to make his parents some breakfast. Aran's parents were always tired of the number of resources needed for other villages and Aran’s mother sprained her knee when running back to the village. Aran grabbed a few thick pork slices and chopped them to put on the ardent sizzling pan. Aran proceeded to crack a few eggs, mix them with scallions, and place them on the pan with the pork bits until they were cooked well. The sound of the sizzling food awoke the father as he peeked through the kitchen to see his son cook. The father asks” Son it's still dark outside why are you up this early”. “I wanted to give you something to eat while I’m gone with the delivery for the next town,” said Aran. “ Alone, you can’t be alone when Wendigos are out on the road”. “ Let me come and help you deliver the food..” but as the father said that he was cut off and the Aron said, “ It's alright I brought a knife with me and I’ll be cautious”. Aran exited the house and went near the stable to ride his horse carrying the fruits and vegetables on his side. Aran rode his horse down the road to the village square. The village square had big houses with markets surrounding the houses and farms surrounding the Relum trees growing ever so long behind the village. The villagers look depleted and worn out. Aran rode his horse to the other houses to ask for resources and food they offered them all saying “ Tell Newberry to stay strong”. After Aran was finished taking the villager's supplies for Newberry he went to the village chief to gather his resources. He knocked on the door of the Mayor's house and saw him with a pile of water buckets, a few bags of gold, and Packs of wood. “ Ah Aran, please put this on your cart and tell Newberry to stay safe and have hope”. “Of course chief,” said Aran. Aran rode his horse to the village gate next to the tower post. When Aran was next to the post a Knight went outside of the tower replying “ What is your business of leaving Alestra '' . “ I’m transporting my family’s food to the village of Newberry, “ said Aran. “ The village of Newberry isn't doing well since the Wendigos raided them, they're going to need those supplies” said the knight. Aran was permitted to leave Alestera and Aran continued his journey on the path. Aran passed through from a few corpses to an abundance of them until Aran saw the village. The village was burned and ravaged with dark smoke covering the sky and the stench of burning flesh still in the air. Aran rushed to the village to see if anybody survived but found none survived. When Aran was about to leave he saw smoke coming out of the forest, Aran rode his horse swiftly and came to the source of the fire. He saw a few villagers and a small number of children near the fire scared and tired from the raid. “ Are you the villagers of Newberry?” asked Aran. “ We used to be until the Wendigos attacked,” said an elderly lady. Aran with a shocked look on his face asked: “ What about the knights”. “ Most of them died fighting while some died running,” said the old man next to the lady. “ Some more knights tried to help but those insidious beasts forestalled ”. Aran was worried for the villagers of Newberry and shouted“ I have resources from the town of Alestra and we have come for your help!!!”. All the villagers looked at Aran as he continued to shout “ Please gather any resources you need and help yourself to the food you need to survive with!!!”. The Villagers filled with hope and joy rushed to the cart and gathered all the supplies. They were all eating and drinking and covering themselves with blankets making them feel just a little bit safer. “ We don’t know how to thank you, young sir,” said a man with his children next to him. “ Please sir you don’t have to do anything, but if you and the others need help we're just a few miles away south,” said Aran. Aran left with an empty cart and a feeling of beatitude when he saw the villagers of Newberry full of bliss and hope. Halfway through his trip back to his village the horse instantaneously stopped and nearly threw Aran off the horse. “ Stay here Becky,” said Aran smoothly. He jumped off the horse and looked all around to see if anything would jump out and attack him. Suddenly he heard a large screeching sound mixed with screeching. He heard rustling and sticks being broken. He heard the noise again except it was teeth chattering and the sound of a loud sharp horn was closer. “ We have to go, Becky,” said Aran urgently as he jumped on his horse and rode as fast as he could. Aran heard the sound come closer and faster towards him. Aran had the sudden urge to stop the horse midway. Aran stopped his horse and soon after a dark wendigo jumped out in front of him and crashed near some trees and was unconscious for a few seconds. Aran used that time to ride away while horrified by that chase. The wendigo screeched in anger as Aran was out of its sight. Aran returned to the village sweaty and scared and opened the doors only to be on his knees. The father rushed up to him with the mother following him slowly. “ Aran what happened to you?!” asked the father in a frightened manner. “I escaped from a wendigo,” said Aran panting. “ How in this world did you survive?!” asked the father. “ Raranold, let the Aran rest now,” said the mother. “ Aran is traumatized enough for today, we can ask when he is ready but for now let him sleep and rest”. The father took a deep breath and said to Aran “ You can go upstairs and we’ll cook something for you, is that okay ''. “That's okay,” Aran replied. Aran went upstairs to his room and went to his bed to sit. Aran heard voices from downstairs wanting to hear what his parents were talking about. Aran opened the door quietly, walked on the stairs sneakily, and peered through the kitchen to hear what they were saying. “ 7 people died on that road and were eaten, there is no way our son could survive one of their attacks,” said Raranold. “ I think it's time for us to leave the village”. “But where will we go, Raranold,” asked the mother. “ We could go to the city of Elistar and maybe there we can be safe,” said the father. “I don’t know what to do now Elizabeth”. “ We can leave tomorrow when we pack all our stuff and leave while we still have light, and maybe we can reach an inn,” said Elizabeth. “ But what about Aran, how will he handle this?” asked Raranold. “He might be upset about it but I’m sure he’ll love the big city and all its fancy buildings and all the new stuff he’ll like”. “ Plus we have a good amount of money to survive in the city”. “ Now then, we should be cooking dinner at Raranold”. “ Please pass me the mushrooms on your right, we're going to be making some skewers” Aran walked to his room quietly shocked by the fact that he will move from the village he grew up in. Aran looked out the window gazing at the village thinking about how he will never get used to the city. Aran suddenly saw something big and tall in the bushes. It was the same wendigo that was chasing him through the path. Aran quickly fell over in terror and when he got back up, the wendigo was suddenly gone in an instant. “ Oh lords,” said Aran. The wendigo rushed deep into the forests crossing through the dry trees and the murky puddles towards an abandoned camp. The abandoned camp was full of wendigos either resting or fighting each other for food. Near the big stump sat a tall wendigo with various skulls and aches full of bottles and ashes on his sides. The wendigo held a staff with a large skull. The wendigo went towards the large wendigo and shrieked “ Shouldn’t we attack the village now”. The tall Wendigo stood up and said “ We attack when the sun is dim”. They heard horses coming through the road with knights packed with weapons passing by them. The tall Wendigo screamed in the sky letting every Wendigo know that they would attack the village of Alestra.
2023.06.01 21:36 BerryMochi19 The Enchanted Ones “Journey of the Believers”
Chapter 1
The Villager’s Warning
In the North near the tempestuous mountains and the groves of the Relum trees, which grow relum, which are like sweet pears, was a prosperous village called “ Alestra”. Alestra is a medium-sized village known for its cloying relums and its soft and crumbly soil perfect for the trees and gardens. They lived a humble and healthy life supplying themselves with veggies and meat from the boars they hunted. The water from Rivenile was the source of their agricultural success and survival. The sound of little children having fun exploring the fields of grain while their family works diligently on the farms. Most of the children spend their time outside either helping with their family's farm or playing near the grains and on the trees playing fun games. All except one particular boy who will spend his days indoors writing stories and reading about the fascinating creatures he wishes to discover. His name was Aran Yearwood, a 12-year-old with red hair living with his parents who helped the village by transporting their food and veggies to nearby villages. Aran eagerly followed his father, perpetually saying “Father, can I hear the story about the Rift Creators of the Coliseum again please?”. The father replied, “ How about tonight when your mother is back for dinner, is that alright?”. “ Yes Father,” said Aran. Aran rushed to his room whose walls were covered with sheets of drawings and a portrait of his family right in the center of his room. His desk was piled with books and maps slightly torn and dirty. His bed was big enough for him, and a little chest lay at the end of the bed to store the items he cherished. Aran sat on his chair and picked up a book labeled “ Creatures of the Night” and he sat on his bed and read from where he began. Meanwhile, the Father went near his stable and put the ponderous goods on the wagon when he smelled a putrid stench of a rotting corpse. The father looked around to find the smell and discovered a Villager riding a horse carrying a wagon with numerous dead bodies disfigured and all missing body parts. “ What happened to them!?” stuttered the father in shock. “ To be honest I don’t know?” said the villager. “It might be a wolf or a bear,” said the villager. “That can’t be bears since it's winter,” said the father. “We might have to stop shipment to other villages,” said the villager. “Why, though, it's only a few animals we can take care of,” said the father. “Well, that depends if the mayor agrees,” the villager says. “Shouldn’t we mail this to animal control, maybe they can control these beasts,” the father said. “Already mailed it to them, should be arriving in a few weeks or so”. The villager rode his horse to the village square leaving the father worried. When it was nightfall the family was at the dinner table eating their food. They had a hot and warm meat pie filled with lamb and pork all mixed with gravy with a side of pan-fried spinach. After their dinner, Aran rushed towards his room with his father following him. “ Are you gonna tell me the story Father?” asked Aran. “ Alright, hold your patience,” said the father as he sat down on the bed. “ The story of the ..colosseum begins with the Greater wills, gods who judge the realms and serve as the way of evolution”. “When these gods see someone they love they give birth to the demigods. “ Each demigod ruled the realms and served as a ruler for their realms,” asked the Father. “ They had abilities like gravity, time, War, pestilence, and even death, while others had less powerful abilities like sand,” said the father. “ Each of the demigods is known to be the best and the most revered in their worlds.,” said the father in a Joyous mood. '' “All had everything they could need in their lives, but some wanted more”. The father looked outside the dark knight. “ Well it's getting late. The father replied with a tired tone “ Sleep well Aran”. “Can you finish the story tomorrow? " asked Aran, resting his head on the pillow. “Of course,” said the father. Aran closed his eyes and dreamed of himself in the stars, seeing the planets go by as he feels the
5 years later
Aran who was now 17 got off his bed with his room no longer having the drawings he used to have and the desk he still had an accumulation of books. He passed his parent's room and went into the kitchen to make his parents some breakfast. Aran's parents were always tired of the number of resources needed for other villages and Aran’s mother sprained her knee when running back to the village. Aran grabbed a few thick pork slices and chopped them to put on the ardent sizzling pan. Aran proceeded to crack a few eggs, mix them with scallions, and place them on the pan with the pork bits until they were cooked well. The sound of the sizzling food awoke the father as he peeked through the kitchen to see his son cook. The father asks” Son it's still dark outside why are you up this early”. “I wanted to give you something to eat while I’m gone with the delivery for the next town,” said Aran. “ Alone, you can’t be alone when Wendigos are out on the road”. “ Let me come and help you deliver the food..” but as the father said that he was cut off and the Aron said, “ It's alright I brought a knife with me and I’ll be cautious”. Aran exited the house and went near the stable to ride his horse carrying the fruits and vegetables on his side. Aran rode his horse down the road to the village square. The village square had big houses with markets surrounding the houses and farms surrounding the Relum trees growing ever so long behind the village. The villagers look depleted and worn out. Aran rode his horse to the other houses to ask for resources and food they offered them all saying “ Tell Newberry to stay strong”. After Aran was finished taking the villager's supplies for Newberry he went to the village chief to gather his resources. He knocked on the door of the Mayor's house and saw him with a pile of water buckets, a few bags of gold, and Packs of wood. “ Ah Aran, please put this on your cart and tell Newberry to stay safe and have hope”. “Of course chief,” said Aran. Aran rode his horse to the village gate next to the tower post. When Aran was next to the post a Knight went outside of the tower replying “ What is your business of leaving Alestra '' . “ I’m transporting my family’s food to the village of Newberry, “ said Aran. “ The village of Newberry isn't doing well since the Wendigos raided them, they're going to need those supplies” said the knight. Aran was permitted to leave Alestera and Aran continued his journey on the path. Aran passed through from a few corpses to an abundance of them until Aran saw the village. The village was burned and ravaged with dark smoke covering the sky and the stench of burning flesh still in the air. Aran rushed to the village to see if anybody survived but found none survived. When Aran was about to leave he saw smoke coming out of the forest, Aran rode his horse swiftly and came to the source of the fire. He saw a few villagers and a small number of children near the fire scared and tired from the raid. “ Are you the villagers of Newberry?” asked Aran. “ We used to be until the Wendigos attacked,” said an elderly lady. Aran with a shocked look on his face asked: “ What about the knights”. “ Most of them died fighting while some died running,” said the old man next to the lady. “ Some more knights tried to help but those insidious beasts forestalled ”. Aran was worried for the villagers of Newberry and shouted“ I have resources from the town of Alestra and we have come for your help!!!”. All the villagers looked at Aran as he continued to shout “ Please gather any resources you need and help yourself to the food you need to survive with!!!”. The Villagers filled with hope and joy rushed to the cart and gathered all the supplies. They were all eating and drinking and covering themselves with blankets making them feel just a little bit safer. “ We don’t know how to thank you, young sir,” said a man with his children next to him. “ Please sir you don’t have to do anything, but if you and the others need help we're just a few miles away south,” said Aran. Aran left with an empty cart and a feeling of beatitude when he saw the villagers of Newberry full of bliss and hope. Halfway through his trip back to his village the horse instantaneously stopped and nearly threw Aran off the horse. “ Stay here Becky,” said Aran smoothly. He jumped off the horse and looked all around to see if anything would jump out and attack him. Suddenly he heard a large screeching sound mixed with screeching. He heard rustling and sticks being broken. He heard the noise again except it was teeth chattering and the sound of a loud sharp horn was closer. “ We have to go, Becky,” said Aran urgently as he jumped on his horse and rode as fast as he could. Aran heard the sound come closer and faster towards him. Aran had the sudden urge to stop the horse midway. Aran stopped his horse and soon after a dark wendigo jumped out in front of him and crashed near some trees and was unconscious for a few seconds. Aran used that time to ride away while horrified by that chase. The wendigo screeched in anger as Aran was out of its sight. Aran returned to the village sweaty and scared and opened the doors only to be on his knees. The father rushed up to him with the mother following him slowly. “ Aran what happened to you?!” asked the father in a frightened manner. “I escaped from a wendigo,” said Aran panting. “ How in this world did you survive?!” asked the father. “ Raranold, let the Aran rest now,” said the mother. “ Aran is traumatized enough for today, we can ask when he is ready but for now let him sleep and rest”. The father took a deep breath and said to Aran “ You can go upstairs and we’ll cook something for you, is that okay ''. “That's okay,” Aran replied. Aran went upstairs to his room and went to his bed to sit. Aran heard voices from downstairs wanting to hear what his parents were talking about. Aran opened the door quietly, walked on the stairs sneakily, and peered through the kitchen to hear what they were saying. “ 7 people died on that road and were eaten, there is no way our son could survive one of their attacks,” said Raranold. “ I think it's time for us to leave the village”. “But where will we go, Raranold,” asked the mother. “ We could go to the city of Elistar and maybe there we can be safe,” said the father. “I don’t know what to do now Elizabeth”. “ We can leave tomorrow when we pack all our stuff and leave while we still have light, and maybe we can reach an inn,” said Elizabeth. “ But what about Aran, how will he handle this?” asked Raranold. “He might be upset about it but I’m sure he’ll love the big city and all its fancy buildings and all the new stuff he’ll like”. “ Plus we have a good amount of money to survive in the city”. “ Now then, we should be cooking dinner at Raranold”. “ Please pass me the mushrooms on your right, we're going to be making some skewers” Aran walked to his room quietly shocked by the fact that he will move from the village he grew up in. Aran looked out the window gazing at the village thinking about how he will never get used to the city. Aran suddenly saw something big and tall in the bushes. It was the same wendigo that was chasing him through the path. Aran quickly fell over in terror and when he got back up, the wendigo was suddenly gone in an instant. “ Oh lords,” said Aran. The wendigo rushed deep into the forests crossing through the dry trees and the murky puddles towards an abandoned camp. The abandoned camp was full of wendigos either resting or fighting each other for food. Near the big stump sat a tall wendigo with various skulls and aches full of bottles and ashes on his sides. The wendigo held a staff with a large skull. The wendigo went towards the large wendigo and shrieked “ Shouldn’t we attack the village now”. The tall Wendigo stood up and said “ We attack when the sun is dim”. They heard horses coming through the road with knights packed with weapons passing by them. The tall Wendigo screamed in the sky letting every Wendigo know that they would attack the village of Alestra.
submitted by BerryMochi19 to fantasywriters [link] [comments]
The Villager’s Warning
In the North near the tempestuous mountains and the groves of the Relum trees, which grow relum, which are like sweet pears, was a prosperous village called “ Alestra”. Alestra is a medium-sized village known for its cloying relums and its soft and crumbly soil perfect for the trees and gardens. They lived a humble and healthy life supplying themselves with veggies and meat from the boars they hunted. The water from Rivenile was the source of their agricultural success and survival. The sound of little children having fun exploring the fields of grain while their family works diligently on the farms. Most of the children spend their time outside either helping with their family's farm or playing near the grains and on the trees playing fun games. All except one particular boy who will spend his days indoors writing stories and reading about the fascinating creatures he wishes to discover. His name was Aran Yearwood, a 12-year-old with red hair living with his parents who helped the village by transporting their food and veggies to nearby villages. Aran eagerly followed his father, perpetually saying “Father, can I hear the story about the Rift Creators of the Coliseum again please?”. The father replied, “ How about tonight when your mother is back for dinner, is that alright?”. “ Yes Father,” said Aran. Aran rushed to his room whose walls were covered with sheets of drawings and a portrait of his family right in the center of his room. His desk was piled with books and maps slightly torn and dirty. His bed was big enough for him, and a little chest lay at the end of the bed to store the items he cherished. Aran sat on his chair and picked up a book labeled “ Creatures of the Night” and he sat on his bed and read from where he began. Meanwhile, the Father went near his stable and put the ponderous goods on the wagon when he smelled a putrid stench of a rotting corpse. The father looked around to find the smell and discovered a Villager riding a horse carrying a wagon with numerous dead bodies disfigured and all missing body parts. “ What happened to them!?” stuttered the father in shock. “ To be honest I don’t know?” said the villager. “It might be a wolf or a bear,” said the villager. “That can’t be bears since it's winter,” said the father. “We might have to stop shipment to other villages,” said the villager. “Why, though, it's only a few animals we can take care of,” said the father. “Well, that depends if the mayor agrees,” the villager says. “Shouldn’t we mail this to animal control, maybe they can control these beasts,” the father said. “Already mailed it to them, should be arriving in a few weeks or so”. The villager rode his horse to the village square leaving the father worried. When it was nightfall the family was at the dinner table eating their food. They had a hot and warm meat pie filled with lamb and pork all mixed with gravy with a side of pan-fried spinach. After their dinner, Aran rushed towards his room with his father following him. “ Are you gonna tell me the story Father?” asked Aran. “ Alright, hold your patience,” said the father as he sat down on the bed. “ The story of the ..colosseum begins with the Greater wills, gods who judge the realms and serve as the way of evolution”. “When these gods see someone they love they give birth to the demigods. “ Each demigod ruled the realms and served as a ruler for their realms,” asked the Father. “ They had abilities like gravity, time, War, pestilence, and even death, while others had less powerful abilities like sand,” said the father. “ Each of the demigods is known to be the best and the most revered in their worlds.,” said the father in a Joyous mood. '' “All had everything they could need in their lives, but some wanted more”. The father looked outside the dark knight. “ Well it's getting late. The father replied with a tired tone “ Sleep well Aran”. “Can you finish the story tomorrow? " asked Aran, resting his head on the pillow. “Of course,” said the father. Aran closed his eyes and dreamed of himself in the stars, seeing the planets go by as he feels the
5 years later
Aran who was now 17 got off his bed with his room no longer having the drawings he used to have and the desk he still had an accumulation of books. He passed his parent's room and went into the kitchen to make his parents some breakfast. Aran's parents were always tired of the number of resources needed for other villages and Aran’s mother sprained her knee when running back to the village. Aran grabbed a few thick pork slices and chopped them to put on the ardent sizzling pan. Aran proceeded to crack a few eggs, mix them with scallions, and place them on the pan with the pork bits until they were cooked well. The sound of the sizzling food awoke the father as he peeked through the kitchen to see his son cook. The father asks” Son it's still dark outside why are you up this early”. “I wanted to give you something to eat while I’m gone with the delivery for the next town,” said Aran. “ Alone, you can’t be alone when Wendigos are out on the road”. “ Let me come and help you deliver the food..” but as the father said that he was cut off and the Aron said, “ It's alright I brought a knife with me and I’ll be cautious”. Aran exited the house and went near the stable to ride his horse carrying the fruits and vegetables on his side. Aran rode his horse down the road to the village square. The village square had big houses with markets surrounding the houses and farms surrounding the Relum trees growing ever so long behind the village. The villagers look depleted and worn out. Aran rode his horse to the other houses to ask for resources and food they offered them all saying “ Tell Newberry to stay strong”. After Aran was finished taking the villager's supplies for Newberry he went to the village chief to gather his resources. He knocked on the door of the Mayor's house and saw him with a pile of water buckets, a few bags of gold, and Packs of wood. “ Ah Aran, please put this on your cart and tell Newberry to stay safe and have hope”. “Of course chief,” said Aran. Aran rode his horse to the village gate next to the tower post. When Aran was next to the post a Knight went outside of the tower replying “ What is your business of leaving Alestra '' . “ I’m transporting my family’s food to the village of Newberry, “ said Aran. “ The village of Newberry isn't doing well since the Wendigos raided them, they're going to need those supplies” said the knight. Aran was permitted to leave Alestera and Aran continued his journey on the path. Aran passed through from a few corpses to an abundance of them until Aran saw the village. The village was burned and ravaged with dark smoke covering the sky and the stench of burning flesh still in the air. Aran rushed to the village to see if anybody survived but found none survived. When Aran was about to leave he saw smoke coming out of the forest, Aran rode his horse swiftly and came to the source of the fire. He saw a few villagers and a small number of children near the fire scared and tired from the raid. “ Are you the villagers of Newberry?” asked Aran. “ We used to be until the Wendigos attacked,” said an elderly lady. Aran with a shocked look on his face asked: “ What about the knights”. “ Most of them died fighting while some died running,” said the old man next to the lady. “ Some more knights tried to help but those insidious beasts forestalled ”. Aran was worried for the villagers of Newberry and shouted“ I have resources from the town of Alestra and we have come for your help!!!”. All the villagers looked at Aran as he continued to shout “ Please gather any resources you need and help yourself to the food you need to survive with!!!”. The Villagers filled with hope and joy rushed to the cart and gathered all the supplies. They were all eating and drinking and covering themselves with blankets making them feel just a little bit safer. “ We don’t know how to thank you, young sir,” said a man with his children next to him. “ Please sir you don’t have to do anything, but if you and the others need help we're just a few miles away south,” said Aran. Aran left with an empty cart and a feeling of beatitude when he saw the villagers of Newberry full of bliss and hope. Halfway through his trip back to his village the horse instantaneously stopped and nearly threw Aran off the horse. “ Stay here Becky,” said Aran smoothly. He jumped off the horse and looked all around to see if anything would jump out and attack him. Suddenly he heard a large screeching sound mixed with screeching. He heard rustling and sticks being broken. He heard the noise again except it was teeth chattering and the sound of a loud sharp horn was closer. “ We have to go, Becky,” said Aran urgently as he jumped on his horse and rode as fast as he could. Aran heard the sound come closer and faster towards him. Aran had the sudden urge to stop the horse midway. Aran stopped his horse and soon after a dark wendigo jumped out in front of him and crashed near some trees and was unconscious for a few seconds. Aran used that time to ride away while horrified by that chase. The wendigo screeched in anger as Aran was out of its sight. Aran returned to the village sweaty and scared and opened the doors only to be on his knees. The father rushed up to him with the mother following him slowly. “ Aran what happened to you?!” asked the father in a frightened manner. “I escaped from a wendigo,” said Aran panting. “ How in this world did you survive?!” asked the father. “ Raranold, let the Aran rest now,” said the mother. “ Aran is traumatized enough for today, we can ask when he is ready but for now let him sleep and rest”. The father took a deep breath and said to Aran “ You can go upstairs and we’ll cook something for you, is that okay ''. “That's okay,” Aran replied. Aran went upstairs to his room and went to his bed to sit. Aran heard voices from downstairs wanting to hear what his parents were talking about. Aran opened the door quietly, walked on the stairs sneakily, and peered through the kitchen to hear what they were saying. “ 7 people died on that road and were eaten, there is no way our son could survive one of their attacks,” said Raranold. “ I think it's time for us to leave the village”. “But where will we go, Raranold,” asked the mother. “ We could go to the city of Elistar and maybe there we can be safe,” said the father. “I don’t know what to do now Elizabeth”. “ We can leave tomorrow when we pack all our stuff and leave while we still have light, and maybe we can reach an inn,” said Elizabeth. “ But what about Aran, how will he handle this?” asked Raranold. “He might be upset about it but I’m sure he’ll love the big city and all its fancy buildings and all the new stuff he’ll like”. “ Plus we have a good amount of money to survive in the city”. “ Now then, we should be cooking dinner at Raranold”. “ Please pass me the mushrooms on your right, we're going to be making some skewers” Aran walked to his room quietly shocked by the fact that he will move from the village he grew up in. Aran looked out the window gazing at the village thinking about how he will never get used to the city. Aran suddenly saw something big and tall in the bushes. It was the same wendigo that was chasing him through the path. Aran quickly fell over in terror and when he got back up, the wendigo was suddenly gone in an instant. “ Oh lords,” said Aran. The wendigo rushed deep into the forests crossing through the dry trees and the murky puddles towards an abandoned camp. The abandoned camp was full of wendigos either resting or fighting each other for food. Near the big stump sat a tall wendigo with various skulls and aches full of bottles and ashes on his sides. The wendigo held a staff with a large skull. The wendigo went towards the large wendigo and shrieked “ Shouldn’t we attack the village now”. The tall Wendigo stood up and said “ We attack when the sun is dim”. They heard horses coming through the road with knights packed with weapons passing by them. The tall Wendigo screamed in the sky letting every Wendigo know that they would attack the village of Alestra.
2023.06.01 21:01 AdApprehensive483 Shopgoodwill now selling ACTUAL TRASH
2023.06.01 17:38 DillonFromSomewhere Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full [R-word censored by jobs] to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to jobs [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full [R-word censored by jobs] to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 17:29 DillonFromSomewhere Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to iQuit [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 17:20 DillonFromSomewhere Restaurant Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to restaurant [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 17:17 DillonFromSomewhere Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to anti_restaurant_work [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 15:16 Knotty83 A rock bottom story
 | Minor trigger warning for the NEWLY SOBER submitted by Knotty83 to dryalcoholics [link] [comments] What follows is a humorous mostly true account of a tough day I had in Amsterdam whilst still an active alcoholic. Some leaps of logic have been made as my memory of the time is not how you would say “perfect” and some events have been streamlined for ease of storytelling. I’m posting to hopefully make you smile, and to remind myself of just how far i have come in my sobriety journey. https://preview.redd.it/odjwlxbmpe3b1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ede6fefeed4bd179e068be0e229df74775ef6f18 “HEY!” Oh god, why does consciousness always hit like a ton of bricks “HEY!” The world hurts Today, what did I do last night?I can taste vomit,How much did I drink? Why am I wet? “HEY!” Oh man my head “GET OFF OF MY BOAT” I wish that man would stop yelling……Did he say boat? Cautiously I opened my eyes, the painful rays of light make the throbbing in my head worse. The man doing the yelling, is a big bearded man who in any other circumstance would have had a kindly face. “Excuse me” I manage to squeeze past my aching vocal cords. “Oh good” the man exclaims with a heavy dutch accent “He’s not dead”“Daisy, Nee”(no) He says to a young woman brandishing a bucket of water standing next to me. She reluctantly relaxes from her attacking position. I try a smile, it makes my face hurt, so i go back to painless bewildered look. Using all of my strength I squeeze out “Where am I?” “In Amsterdam” he responds “Now hop it” Amsterdam? But that’s miles from my sisters. I need more information, how did I get here? What day is it? Why is the floor rocking? I sum all these questions up into an eloquent sentence, fix the man with my best steely look ready myself to speak and …proceed to throw up in his potted daffodils. The man looks to the woman “Doe Het” SPLOOSH the bucket of water is as refreshing as it is painful. “Now get off my damn boat” The woman has grabbed a mop and is pushing me towards the edge.I clutch my side and roll over, staggering onto my feet. I hop off the boat and onto the footpath, steadying myself on a bicycle.I try to stand upright but find hunching hurts much less. Seeing a sign that points towards Amsterdamn central train station I start to hobble in that direction. It hurts to breath but each fresh lung full of air hits me like a healing wind. “Its going to be ok” I tell myself. Stopping next to a cafe I lean my arm against the window to keep my balance. For the first time that day I get a glimpse of my reflection. I’m not wearing a shirt?! What the hell, I’ve got a chipped tooth and have bruises everywhere. Was I in a fight? What the hell happened. Looking past my reflection and into the cafe I see a Well dressed woman on the other side of the glass trying to enjoy a morning tea and crumpets. I try smiling (ouch) I should really stop that. The sight of food make my stomach do a somersault, I’m not sure if I’m hungry or about to throw up again. I wave the lady goodbye and make my way towards the station. I watch a child walk past me eating some mayonnaise chips, she dumps the half finished packet in a bin, bearing no care for my surroundings I dive into the bin after the food. I throw a few of the greasy salty chips in my mouth…… Moments later I return them to the bin covered in a second wave of vomit. The station is only a few hundred meters but it feels like a marathon. Flashes of the night before go through my head, Beers, shots, Schnapps Toilets, Vomiting, Kebabs I make it to the station, I spend far too much time trying to focus on the big clock…. I think its 0930 in the morning. For the first time I think about my phone. My hand shoots to my pocket. OF COURSE my phone will have the answers!!! I pull it out, wipe the water from the front, it is, of course dead. Filled with a new purpose I look around for a solution. A waiter is taking chairs off tables at the Cafe Loetje. I run / hobble over to him and in my incredibly broken dutch including several miss used words of French and some German try to communicate id like a phone charger. He says in perfect English “We open in half an hour, but shirts are normally a requirement for service” I try a smile, It hurts, i go back to looking pitiful I must have looked a complete shambles as his resolve soon crumbled, “Sit at the table in the corner” he said. I fall into a chair in the corner and lean back My chest is killing me. A plane flies over head, this seems important but I can’t put my finger on why. The waiter walks over to me with a charger a t shirt and a coffeeI don’t remember asking for the coffee but I reach into my pocket pulling out €1.50 I hold it out hopefully. “Don’t worry party man, this ones on me, just do me a favour and put a shirt on” I thank the waiter , I watch him as he goes back to the counter and gets money out of the tip jar to pay for my coffee, a pang of guilt hits me. I plug my phone in The screen lights up!, At least its not broken. I sip at the coffee and feel the sun on my face while the phone charges enough to boot up.These old buildings are really pretty, maybe ill move here one day. Under any other circumstances this would be a beautiful morning. The phone dings and dings AND DINGS.So many angry messages, so many confused messages, from strangers, from people I haven’t thought of in years though have apparently been messaging while blacked out. Too many to go through, ill apologise to them all later. I just need to find out where my stuff is. I swipe closed the multiple texting apps and open my email. Scrolling past the online check in for my flight tomorrow I find my hotel reservation. Nice looking place, cheap enough, about 1.2km away. Ill sit here until my hangover recedes a little more, wit the coffee an the sun, then ill wander back and crash for a bit, Ill come back tonight and return this waiters shirt. Maybe take him out for a drink to repay his kindness. The phone dings again. Mum “Great to see you on Monday, Have a good flight” Monday? Weird way for her to talk about yesterday and she got my flight wrong its not till tomorrow.The bottom of my stomach falls out. I run up to the counter and try to get the waiters attention. “Hey, Um, What day is it?”“Chill out party man, its Wednesday” Wednesday!!! But I went out for a drink on Monday night! Wednesday I have a flight Wednesday afternoon! FUCKING WEDNESDAY! I glance up at the clock, 10:30! If my flights at 1pm I need to be at the airport by 12 absolute latest,I should go get on a train. But my stuff is at this hotel. (I hope) I throw the water his charger and start to RUN my phon on 28% battery guiding the way. Trying to do the maths in my head. The hotel is 1.2 km away , I could run that in 10 min. But that’s sober and I feel like I’m about to die. Oh fuck it just run. You idiot. Exhausted, I find the hotel, 12 flights of stairs to the lobby and 5 more to my room. These old building can suck my dick, I get to the check in desk. My stuff is in a pile in front of it. “I’m sorry” I blurt out. The cashier gives me a dirty look and holds out a credit card machine €150. Miraculously my emergency credit card and passport are in my suitcase. Lacking the time or ability to argue the charges I tap the card and pray that it will go through. Ding , it’s accepted. Thank the old gods and the new. The cashier holds out a receipt, I snatch ti and grab my suitcase and throw it down the 12 flights of stairs. Apologies to the U11’s soccer team that we’re making their way up. Back on the street I check my phone, 18% battery 11:03 A train leaves for the airport in 27 min……RUN Dragging my suitcase through the cobbled streets of Amsterdam,I run to the station. As I pass the cafe, unable to breath I pull off the t shirt leant to me by the waiter and throw it at him. “Merci” I yell. That was French you idiot, AND he speaks English. No time to explain, get on that train. I drag the my suitcase into the station, tap my credit card and run to the platform.As I set foot on the train the doors close behind me.Collapsing into a seat I grab a shirt from my bag then open my emails and check into my flight, 8% phone battery. The train gets to the airport and I head over to digital check in and get through security. I get through security, random bomb check (of course) then head over to my gate. THANK GOD THERES A BAR I have ten minutes till boarding, time for a swift drink I order two pints and a shot, finish them with time to spare so order another pint. I fix her with my most charming smile. It hurts, I should really stop trying that. Get onto the flight, stinking of booze and puke, Pass out sleeping on a broken rib and multiple bruises. Get back to Australia get the cab home to stop at the bottle shop, don’t get any food. Get home cry, drink through the pain. This is NOT my rock bottom story. It would take me 3 more years to admit I had a drinking problem and another 2 to actually take action. I am currently 1296 days (or 3 1/2 years) sober and my life couldn’t be more different.I’m married, have a daughter, and a job that I love. I still get stressed, and sad on occasion but don’t drink to deal with the demons any more. If you’re on day 1 or day 1000 of sobriety or you’re just sober curious know that you are loved , I believe in you and I’m glad you’re here. If you’ve enjoyed reading this, please let me know, writing is one of my outlets and therapies. |
2023.06.01 01:32 MoldyPineapple12 In Defense of Sherrod Brown - Part 6 - Tim Ryan vs Joe Biden + DeWine’s Coattails
 | Hello angry observers. Welcome back to the sixth installment of my Sherrod Brown series! This one is again about Tim Ryan, particularly his turnout and margins compared to Biden’s 2020 performance in Ohio. The goal with this one is to help us analyze where Tim Ryan got what he needed and where he fell short. This will tell us where, and by how much, Sherrod Brown will need to improve on Tim’s numbers. submitted by MoldyPineapple12 to AngryObservation [link] [comments] MAP 1: RYAN VS BIDEN AVERAGE TURNOUT This is a county map showing the average turnout for each county between the 2022 midterms and the 2020 presidential election. Green counties had higher than average turnout in last year’s midterm compared to the 2020 presidential, relative to the rest of the state. To make this map, I took each county’s ratio of votes between the two elections and shifted them over the state average, 30.33% lower turnout in 2022 vs 2020. MARGINS:. . . 0-1% highelower than average. . . 1-2%. . . 2-3% . . . 3-4% . . . 4-6%. . . 6-8%. . . 8%+ Important county numbers: Franklin (Col.): -2.47% (basically 2.47% lower than average in 2022 compared to 2020) — Delaware (Col. sub.): +8.58% — Hamilton (Cin.): +0.52% — Warren (Cin. sub): +4.63% — Cuyahoga (Clev.): -4.53% — Lucas (Tole.): -4.15% — Summit (Akr.): +1.39% — Greene (Dayt.): -0.56% — Mahoning (Youngs.): +2.34% — If there’s any number you want for any particular county(s) for either map, lmk Let’s break this one down. The first thing you’ll notice is a decline in turnout in most of the cities, with Toledo, Columbus, and Cleveland being the main ones. Meanwhile, Cincinnati, the most historically conservative of the biggest cities in the state, and the Youngstown/Akron metro saw higher than average turnout compared to 2020. The rural counties were a mixed bag. Some saw higher turnout, while others saw lower. Counties in the south and Appalachian regions are the fastest shrinking in population and are also the reddest on the map, yet this trend did not hold up for the comparably declining Northeast. And, as expected, our fastest growing suburban counties are the darkest green: Union and Delaware north of Cbus, and Warren northeast of Cincy. In an effort to see what 2020 turnout would have resulted in for the 2022 senate race, I averaged out each county’s numbers to what average turnout looked like in 2020. After the adjustment, JD Vance would’ve still won by 5.72%, down slightly from his actual margin of 6.11%. It would’ve shrunk his 252,000 vote margin of victory down by around 16,000 votes by my calculations, or .39% less, a drop in the bucket. I even went through the effort of adjusting each county by 40% of its population growth/decline from census info from the last decade, and Vance would still win by 5.63%. In other words, this would be Ryan’s margin if he had 2020 Biden turnout in each county but if each county also had its projected 2024 population. The reason the margin stayed almost the same is because rural decline and the decline of rust belt cities canceled each other out, as did growth in red suburbs and blue Franklin county. Turnout alone was not going to save Ryan’s campaign. Like many of you I’d imagine, these results surprised me, but I found two explanations for them. First off, we’re shifting turnout onto another notoriously high rural turnout presidential election, 2020. Rural turnout wasn’t higher than average across the board this midterm because I compared it to 2020, instead of, say, 2018. While many rural counties would’ve netted less votes for Vance, the red ones on the map would have netted more after the adjustment. On the flipside, Urban turnout in the rust belt was decent in 2020, but not astounding. Yes, getting four percent higher turnout in Cleveland would’ve boosted Ryan some, but it was never going to save him, given my next reason. Second, as you’ll see on the next map, Ryan hardly over performed Biden in the cities and suburbs, especially in the more ancestrally Republican ones. Quite frankly, he didn’t get his margins high enough in the biggest counties for averaged turnout to have boosted him as much as it otherwise would have. MAP 2: RYAN VS BIDEN MARGINS This one’s a straightforward map comparing Biden 2020 and Ryan 2022’s margins in each county. Blue counties are where Ryan got the better margin, Red where Biden did. MARGINS: SAME AS LAST MAP (0-1% better than the other. . . 1-2%. . . 2-3% . . . 3-4% . . . 4-6%. . . 6-8%. . . 8%+) Important county numbers: Franklin (Col.): Ryan +1.24% (Ryan did 1.24% better than Biden) — Delaware (Col. sub.): Ryan +0.53% — Hamilton (Cin.): Ryan -0.42% — Warren (Cin. sub): Ryan +1.73% — Cuyahoga (Clev.): Ryan +1.60% — Lucas (Tole.): Ryan +2.79% — Summit (Akr.): Ryan +3.66% — Greene (Dayt.): Ryan -0.56% — Mahoning (Youngs.): Ryan -1.57% — Across the board, despite doing less than two points better than Biden statewide, Ryan did better than him in almost every county, with four exceptions. The first is Allen Co. in the northwest. This one’s a rural guy and I don’t have any real explanation for it, so I'd consider it an outlier. The second and third are Hamilton and Montgomery, homes of Cincinnati and Dayton respectively. These cities used to be very red, (Obama won Hamilton by 6 in 2012 for context, Biden got it to safe). DeWine put up enormous numbers here, so much so that I strongly suspect it weighed down Ryan significantly. The whole southwestern region went for DeWine by a landslide and his performance must have caused the ancestral republicans here to default to the GOP and vote for Vance more than it did elsewhere. The fourth is the notorious Mahoning, home of Youngstown and the poster child for Obama-voting WWC ancestral democrats leaving the party for Trump. I really don’t know what went wrong here. It’s obvious the place is going red, but Ryan underperforming Biden in what was his own house district? It wasn’t even a regional thing; all the counties around it are blue here. It’s kind of funny because this really is ‘muh trends’ on steroids, but I still don’t have a clue what happened specifically here. On the flip side, Ryan did very well in most rural parts of the state, putting up solid numbers in places like Appalachia and the rural rust belt. He focused much of his campaign on appealing to these voters and it showed. One thing this map is excellent at illustrating is why Ryan did so much better among rural Ohioans than suburban and urban voters, and that is DeWine. Ryan’s ability to get the numbers he needed somewhere rested with how much DeWine would be dragging him down. When DeWine got Assad margins among swayable suburban voters because of his moderate appeal, it dragged Ryan down. When DeWine got Franklin and Cuyahoga counties down to likely, it showed in the senate race when Ryan ended up with Biden margins. However, my theory is that a moderate Republican governor doesn’t have the same level of influence on rural voters living in rural counties that are already deep red. Being moderate isn’t going to get rural Ohioans to like you any more than just being a Republican would. DeWine didn’t seem to have the same magnetic pull on the ticket in rural counties, which allowed Ryan to narrow the margins by campaigning as a hardworking moderate democrat who can relate to the common man. It’s easier to get higher numbers somewhere where DeWine is outrunning Trump by 10, instead of 25 or more. The more urban the county, the more DeWine outran Trump and dragged Ryan down when independent voters defaulted to the GOP and went straight ticket. The more rural and anc. Dem the county was, the more Ryan was able to play wholesome moderate dude and pick up Obama-Trump voters and make new inroads elsewhere by being there and trying. The interesting thing is, 2024 is going to be the opposite of the midterm scenario. Trump is the biggest drag on the ticket in the suburbs, while his base appeal does wonders for him in the rural parts of the state. Assuming suburban trends hold in any capacity, Brown will have to perform better than Ryan in suburbia, while an “America-first” ticket the GOP base is more excited for has the potential to pull him down more in rural Ohio. MAP 3: How important it is Brown improves on Ryan’s margin This is a purely opinion based map I made categorizing each county by how important it would be for Sherrod Brown to improve on the margin Tim Ryan got. This is not exactly how important each county is to victory, but more what Brown would want from each of them if he were to win. Essentially how much work needs to be done there, margin-wise. Categories: . . . Dark Green: If he just gets Ryan’s margins here, he’s golden. These are mainly counties where Brown didn’t do much better than Biden did two years later, so Ryan’s slight improvement on Joe is more than enough . . . Light Green: If Brown gets Ryan’s margin, he’ll be fine. Ideally, he’d improve on them slightly. . . Yellow: Ryan did decently here. Brown would hope to get a percent or two higher to win comfortably, but it’s not a necessity everywhere. . . Light Orange: Brown should be doing somewhat better than Ryan here. Winning would become very difficult if he were to get Ryan margins in most of these. . . Orange: He should plan on improving considerably here. Many of these are ancestral democratic counties that Brown has been able to put up good numbers in while Ryan fell short of what he needed. . . Red: You’re finished with Ryan’s margins here during a presidential election year. It should be a lot easier for Brown in Cuyahoga and Franklin without DeWine on the ballot and he needs to hold his grip on unionized places like Trumbull. . . Maroon: If you’re putting up Ryan numbers, just throw the fucking towel in. Brown should be winning Mahoning by likely, not losing it, he should not be underperforming Biden in Cincinnati, and getting 2020 Biden numbers in rapidly blue-shifting Delaware in 2024. As you can see Ryan pretty much got what Brown will need in most of rural Ohio, particularly in the ancestrally Republican parts of the state. Brown should hope his incumbency makes up the remainder. There are some rural counties which Ryan did perform very well in, but I know Brown can (and should) do so much better in due to his incumbency. If Ryan did eight points better than Biden in a particular county, but Brown did better by thirty in 2018, he should try and narrow Ryan’s margins here even further. These counties are mainly near the WV border. Another thing, from old maps, we know that Ryan nearly matched Brown's numbers in the Cincinnati and Columbus suburbs, but they are also about what Biden got in them. Since these areas are quickly blue shifting, Brown should be doing better than Ryan regardless. Getting 2020 Biden/2022 Ryan numbers would likely mean Brown underperforming Biden a good amount there, which is not something I have on my 2024 Bingo card. And again, it’s Trump at the top of the ticket instead of DeWine. Even though it’s a presidential year, there should still be less of the top-of-the-ticket drag that Ryan had to put up with in the big counties. While Brown can’t come into ancestrally Republican suburbs with the mindset of “they voted for me before, I’ll make sure most of them do it again,” Ryan proved that getting voters to ticket-split and vote for a democratic senate candidate for the first time is still possible. Biden improving in the Cin/Day/Col region by another five or so points, and Brown doing even a point or two better than that would cut into the GOP candidate’s statewide total significantly. These suburbs are where Brown has historically had the weakest incumbency bonus (anc. reps), but also where his recent gains made up for his other losses from 2012 to 2018. The result was him winning by about the same margin both times. He’ll want to repeat this strategy to pad his losses elsewhere. A suburban voter in Warren county hopping on the Brown train for the first time means you can afford to lose another follower in Youngstown. |
2023.05.31 20:29 BelovedxCisque Minion’s Tale
 | I’ve got a bit of a story…rewind back to the winter if 2010. I was in a really bad place (abusive ex/having a horrible time at school/parents being uncompromising) and I was walking back to my college dorm thinking about how it would be so much easier if I wasn’t alive and how to best go about that when I found Minion. Minion was an orange and white Circo cat from Target and he just happened to be laying on the sidewalk right in front of me as I walked. Minion was the name of my ex’s cat that he’d found under a park bench one night and he looked the same down to the white tip of his tail so it was an obvious choice for a name. I took that as a sign to hold on just a bit more. submitted by BelovedxCisque to plushies [link] [comments] Minion came with me on all sorts of adventures. I went to see my ex that was abusive when he was living in South Korea and Minion came. Whilst there I got food poisoning so bad I thought that was going to be what ended my life approximately 12 hours before I was supposed to fly bank to the USA. He got vomited on during the landing of the Korea-Japan leg of the trip. I refused to throw him away so he got wrapped in a plastic bag and I held him and cried to the point I thought I was going to burst every blood vessel in my eyes during the Japan-USA part of the journey. He got a bath in a pillow case in the washing machine after that and went on lots of other journeys with me. When I lived with my other ex boyfriend in a different state he was there. When I went to China to teach English for 6 years he was there. When I went to Peru to try Ayahuasca for the first time he was in the room backing me up. I made a human personality for him in my mind and I decided he would have been special forces during the Vietnam War. He got hurt in combat and was honorably discharged and retired to Florida where he spent most of his time living out his retirement peacefully and was a beloved member of the local community but every once in awhile his country would call on him and he’d suit up and go back. The jungles of Vietnam were the days when I would just sob and sob to the point my teeth hurt. He got hurt by me hugging him too much (he was pretty flat and I actually took him to Build a Bear and they re stuffed him for me and I put a heart inside him when I was there because he deserved one and needed it to do his job). I adopted a greyhound from a Chinese slaughterhouse rescue and he was still in the puppy chewing stage and almost chewed an ear off of him. He would have gotten the Bronze Star for bravery for having all that happen to him and still serving. The ex I lived with said that sometimes soldiers get hurt and dirty serving their country but they know it’s their duty and if they weren’t up for it they wouldn’t have enlisted and he wouldn’t have been on the sidewalk that day if he couldn’t handle being my friend through all of that. I came back to the USA in the summer of 2021 with him and my greyhound. We ended up meeting somebody on Reddit and after a few months I moved to Oregon to be with him. We all loved together happily until February. In February we went on a little road trip to Portland (about 2 hours away) to replace the shoe inserts I have because I have no arches and am in pain and stomp around like Godzilla without them. I thought he was packed up in the backpack when it was time to go home but I guess not. When I went to unpack I found he wasn’t in the backpack. Partner and I gutted the apartment and tore up the car without success. I called the hotel and they said he wasn’t there. I called 8 hours later got a different person who actually went up to the room (he said we were the last ones in it) and looked only to find nothing. I even made a post on Portland asking if anybody saw him to please let me know and I’d pay to have him sent to me as well as a finder’s fee. Nothing. Many tears were shed and lots of sleep was lost. I was telling the story at lunch at my work and a woman who travels a lot said legally hotels aren’t allowed to throw anything out as it’s somebody’s property (not even so much as a sock under the bed) and he was there and they were just being lazy. I showed everybody pictures and as parents/woman they all agreed that if they found something like that they’d know it was obviously important to somebody and not throw it out (my biggest fear). The traveling woman said that most men that are on the cleaning team are younger guys who have siblings or kids if their own and would know to not throw it out. She said to have my partner call and ask how long they keep lost things. He did and they said 90 days. So we made the drive back to Portland to check the hotel in the hopes that it was just laziness and if I was physically there asking he’d magically show up. After 2 hours in the car we pulled into the parking lot and I anxiously walked up to the front desk to ask about him. The lady said she’d look in the back, my heart sunk when she came up empty handed. I asked for the sake of my own sanity could I please go look for him in the lost and found. She agreed and I went back to check. Instead of his squashed little face and torn ear peeking out from a plastic bag all there was was a neck pillow and some old clothes. I walked back out to the parking lot in tears. About a month later I was at a local Ayahuasca retreat and as I listened to the chanting and held the vomit bucket I was sobbing. I was deep in the depths of sorrow and was thinking about how in the religion I was raised in you’re more or less condemned for being born. I didn’t ask to be born and if there was some button I could push so I just somehow didn’t exist and nobody would remember me and I would just kind of melt into blackness and become one with the night I would. But that’s impossible. I realized that during that night of wishing my parents never had me that I must have realized that before on some subconscious level along with the fact that I couldn’t will myself out of existence. So I did it for the thing I loved the most. Minion. About a month after that I was coming back from the store when I went to unlock the door to my apartment and saw a familiar shape on the doorstep. Minion?!?! I picked up the stuffed animal and realized it was way WAY too clean to be Minion plus the ear wasn’t dangling by a thread. It wasn’t as fat as Minion was due to having been restuffed but it was clearly the same make/model. There was a small hole in its chest so I sewed that up while thinking about how I have a little scar right in the middle of my chest from a cyst removal so this one matched me on a physical level. I sat on the bed holding my new little buddy while I waited for my partner to get out of the shower so I could ask him what kind of magic he worked to make a plush that hadn’t been sold in stores in 10+ years appear on our doorstep. He at first denied anything to do with the new plush friend on the doorstep but after more questioning he admitted to possibly maybe having something to do with it. There were some happy tears cried as I hugged him with the new cat smashed in between us. My partner asked was his name still Minion and I said no. Minion was gone forever and I’d made peace with it and there were new adventures and stories to be had. This one was a girl and her name is Angelina. |