Urgent care stevens point wi

Been depressed for a while but over the last week I've hit a new low, never felt this bad in my life, been researching my symptoms and all signs point to a nervous breakdown, but it's not a real medical term apparently

Extremely low mood, struggle getting to sleep every night. Appetite has decreased. Withdrawal from family. relapsed in self harm and recurring thoughts of suicide. Feel worthless, alone, pathetic and unlovable. Spent the last week sat inside my room in the dark just listening to ambient background noise, vaping, hurting myself and staring into space. Chest hurts 24/7. Frequent stomach aches. Restless. Been wearing the same clothes for days, barely showered, don't have the energy to take care of myself. Only really left my room to feed my dog.
I saw my doctor a week ago, he's referring me to a "mental health assessment team" but I haven't heard anything yet, what can I do, feel like I'm losing my mind

Are you all really this dumb? Talking about diy FTM hrt sources literally violates the Reddit TOS since T is a controlled substance so ur just asking to get banned at that point. Harassing people over bans is also the dumbest shit ever like grow up it’s not like those subs are worth being in anyway and if you care that much make and alt or something idk.
Also it’s fine if you just like dm people that ask about DIY hrt or something but stop fucking posting about how much you hate are slash eff tee emm mods and sending links to steroid sites unless you want this sub to get banned.

Going to a festival alone wouldn't be that great, unless you are able to make friends with strangers easily. There's nothing better than having a great time out at a festival with your friends, but I absolutely hate camping with them when there is a large group of us all together.
I am an introverted person and need to recharge my batteries by being alone. This would mean I either hang out alone in my tent for an hour, or take a lone wander around the festival. I also have anxiety and it takes me a while to 'prepare' myself when I wake up in the morning - I need at least an hour to freshen up and feel awake enough to interact with other people (including my friends). And yes, this does include making sure I look presentable, 'good' and not 'rough'. The last point may be BDD I have, but I can imagine it is probably a common feeling amongst everyone. It's just that some people don't care as much about what they look like to others, and if you are with your friends who cares, right? Well, I personally don't feel comfortable enough to look my worst outside of my family members. Especially in a large group of people. That's why I hate sharing a tent as well.
I understand that there is a heir of camaraderie with your friends. I.E. you go to sleep at the same time, you wake up at the same time, you enjoy the festival at the same time and speed, you do the same drugs, or whatever. It is good to do these things to build further bonds with one another. I understand that, but I don't really assign to that. I like to go at my own pace.
I'd much prefer camping alone, in my own spot, then joining my friends when I am ready to.
Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me who feels this way?
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Previous / First
Writer's note: Remember. Sometimes it's the thought that counts. Even if it's too little too late.
What am I referencing when I say that? As if I'm gonna tell you that before you read it in a chapter or two.
Enjoy.
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CLOSE IT! Vickers thought as he struggled to maintain his grip. The new, animal, side of his brain told him NOT to hold on. But he had to. CLOSE IT!!!!
He couldn't see. Everything in front of him was fire. He wasn't even sure he still had eyelids. Magic flowed through him like the flood from a broken dam. His armor struggled to even exist, despite his constant struggle to keep it manifested.
It's an elemental. He thought. It's like the one that destroyed the capital. And they unleashed it in a small room that's probably underground. This was them setting off a nuke to deny us a win.
And I'm at ground zero. God... Choi really does rub off on people doesn't he?
Someone stepped in behind him, but with the fire flowing around him Vickers wasn't conscious of it. Even as a large hand pressed into the small of his back and braced him, pushing him forward ever so slightly. The persons other arm nestled underneath his left armpit and held a hand out. Whoever it was, the hand was old and had gnarled fingers.
Then they spoke into his ear, whatever was left of it now. The voice was louder than a human voice should have been. It had to be in order to be heard over the roar of the flames. He did hear it, and recognized it, even despite the all encompassing pain that dominated every other facet of his existence.
"USE IT AGAINST ITSELF!" The voice said. "REDIRECT THE ENERGY INTO YOURSELF! THEN SEND IT BACK!"
Vickers couldn't do that. He couldn't even acknowledge it. He had more important things to do.
He had to close the door.
Then he felt the heat lessen. He didn't know how or why. He wasn't enough of a person right now to even care.
But he knew what he could do with that small act of mercy.
Vickers arms flexed. Muscles that could lift well over two tons now strained and tore as he pulled at the enchanted wood of the door frame. Things snapped and cracked and creaked and he not only didn't know if it was the wood or his own bones and tendons.
He didn't care.
CLOSE THE DOOR! He screamed at himself in his own mind.
And the crackling noises intensified even as they were drown out by the roar of the flames.
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James was about half a second away from intercepting a golem as it attacked a group of soldiers when the monster simply collapsed.
James skidded to a halt. The soldiers all stumbled and froze in shock at the sudden end of their struggle. Then they looked at him in surprise.
"Uh." He said as he shook off his feet, which were hot..... and bare. "Did it just.... die?" He asked.
One of the soldiers poked at it with a sword even as its golem flesh sloughed off of it.
"I think so." He said. Then he looked up at James and realized he wasn't talking to a fellow Petravian.
Then the sky grew light in the distance, as if a sun had risen.
"What the hell is tha....." James began. Then the magical energy washed over him and he knew.
He didn't stick around to discuss it. Before the soldiers knew what had happened he was already gone. Moving toward the light.
The soldiers all jumped a moment later as the wall of one of the nearby buildings exploded outward and a creature came barreling out of the wreckage.
"Another one!" One of them yelled as they all readied their weapons.
"Glag?" The creature said curiously. The soldiers all paused and looked at each other.
"They can talk?" One of them asked. None of the golems they'd fought this night had done more than occasionally roar.
Then the creature, seemingly made of stone, inspected the fallen golem. As it did it seemed completely oblivious of the soldiers around it with their weapons pointed at it.
Then it looked up into the air.
"Glaaaaaaag." It said, and they got a sense that it was annoyed, or perhaps upset. Then it began rolling away in a ball. It crashed through another building as if it was made of paper.
"What just happened?" The soldier who'd poked at the golem asked.
-----------------------------------
"Ma'am!" A soldier exclaimed as they ran into the command room. Amina looked up from the hastily drawn map that she'd been studying. "There's another elemental!"
The room froze as everyone heard the announcement.
"What?" Amina asked plainly. "What did you just say?"
The young officer swallowed as they noticed everyone around looking at them. "Chief Vickers." They began. "He managed to reach the Agency's infiltration point. But they summoned an elemental on the other side of the door."
"How do you know this?" She asked. But even as she said it she noticed how bright it was outside of the command room, which had no windows.
"The two new were-folk that are part of his team." The officer replied as they marched around the room towards her with one of the Earth tablets. "They saw it on their.... goggles?" He said uncertainly. Then he handed the tablet to her and she saw Colonel Muhammed's face. "The Earth command compared what the Chief saw before they lost connection to what was described with the previous elemental." He nodded. "They believe its the same thing."
"We don't have any previous footage of that one unfortunately." The Colonel said on the tablet. "I have to admit that I'm surprised you're back General. We had expected your trip to last a few months longer."
"We can discuss that later." Amina replied. "Tell me what you know. Can I see the footage? Also, Vickers has were-folk on his TEAM... now?" She asked curiously. She had seen reports indicating as such. But they had been tangential to the information she had needed, namely troop and enemy locations, as well as casualties and supplies. Plus there was still the matter of securing the very castle they were in.
"I think THAT can also be discussed later." The Colonel answered. "For now just know that Chief Vickers went toe to... well not toe. This massive... thing doesn't seem to have actual limbs so to speak. But he waded in with the thing." As she said this Amina saw a little window pop up showing a video that was playing in slow motion. "It is kind of hard to see. The chiefs abilities frosted up his glasses pretty badly."
"Show me the elemental." Amina said.
Muhammed nodded, then after a bit of tinkering on her side the window changed and showed a room with a group of people in it, their eyes glowing the same red as those of the golems outside.
"We only have a few frames." The Colonel informed her, and as the film moved through those frames.
Amina saw a red light appear on some piece of furniture behind the group of supposed golemancers. The people turned to look at it in surprise and seemed to say something. Then the screen flared with bright light before cutting off.
"That's where we lost the chief's connection." Muhammed said solemnly. "But the thermal on his glasses read temperatures at close to a thousand degrees."
Amina scrolled through the few frames. Watching as the small red light expanded into a bright bloom of light. Then she looked out the still open door at what appeared to be daytime, despite it being nearly an hour until dawn.
"I've also been told we have another matter to discuss." The Colonel said, breaking her out of her thoughts.
As if on cue a pair of Earth military personnel, one of whom she recognized as their disgraced First Sergeant, and Ambassador Werner stepped into the doorway.
Amina's sword arm twitch subconsciously as she saw that one of the soldiers was carrying one of the Earth firearms.
Then the Colonel spoke. "For the record I didn't authorize this." She said with a sigh. "But some of our people got caught in the action down in the dungeon. And Mister Batista took it upon himself to arm himself."
"This is in violation of my father's current agreement with your people." Amina said harshly.
"I know. And when the dust has settled we'll gladly even up." Werner replied in place of the Colonel. "But until then. Bullets work on these things pretty damn well. And my people want to help. AAAAND earn back a bit of good faith in the process."
Amina began moving over to the small group rapidly, and several of the guards in the room began unsnapping their weapons.

Hello Minneapolis. I figured some of you have been through this and I need advice. My dad is elderly, probably has dementia, and his wife is finding it harder to care for him. She needs help and a break. They live at home. Their house is paid for. If you can point me toward in home care services, I’d be grateful. They have UCare and he must have Medicare (he’s 84). Many thanks.

I've been with Fi for a couple years now and have never really had the greatest or most reliable cell service, but stuck with Fi because I'm usually on WiFi and like the low bill. But I feel like I'm starting to hit a breaking point with how unreliable it is off WiFi.
I live out in the San Francisco bay area will try to stream audio while I'm walking my dog around the block, and I'm lucky if I'm able to maintain a connection for 15 minutes out of 30. Attempting a call is out of the question since it will get dropped. It's not like it's trying to switch between data and WiFi or anything, it just has 0 network connection. This happened to me when I lived in Atlanta as well. I'm currently using a Pixel 4a, but had the same issue with two previous Pixels.
Has anyone else been plagued with the same issues? Is it Fi just that bad and/or the phones? Is there any kind of fix, or is it just time to switch?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year now and it's been mostly great, to the point where I feel like my life would be so much worse without her. But some issues that were there at the beginning are coming to a head.
1) We were both in relationships when we started dating, although hers was a lot more serious than mine. I don't see the other person romantically anymore, so I admit I've been a bit resentful of her. There's already a harsh difficulty modifier on finding dates while being asexual, and being in a polyamorous relationship only makes that more difficult. It might be seen as shallow to only be into Polyamory given that everyone has multiple partners, but it's not helped by:
-The distance. My girlfriend stays an hour away from me, she doesn't work right now and her car has been broken down for a very long time. Every date we have is completely out of my pocket. This makes the imbalance stand out more when she's able to easily hang out with her other partner, who stays much closer to her. If I want to spend the night with her, I need to book a hotel or ask a friend. She can't drive to where I live, nor even spend the night over here because of my roommates. But she can just spend the night at her girlfriends apartment any time. In an attempt to ease this imbalance, she offered to not have sex with her anymore until I was in a place where I felt like I was secure enough that I could let her. But I didn't feel comfortable imposing that kind of restriction on her. So to compromise, she agreed to not have sex with anyone else besides her girlfriend until I felt secure. Which... yeah that bring us to:
3) When we started dating she told me that she was "open with most of her friends." Being asexual, and perhaps a bit slow, I didnt really process what she meant by this until she bragged about having her first threesome with two of her friends that I hadnt met. This upset me more than I even expected it to. At that point, I didn't really care if she had sex with her girlfriend because being asexual I figured that I couldn't fully satisfy her needs. But finding out that she wants to have sex with the majority of her friends rubbed me the wrong way. Like, I shouldn't care. I don't want sex, and I want her to be happy. But it kind of ends up feeling like she's taking advantage of me. This was at it's worst shortly after our anniversary. We had a pretty good anniversary ourselves, but it turns out her anniversary with her girlfriend was right after ours. Her girlfriend didn't have any of the inconveniences that I had on our anniversary. I'm really beginning to resent this, especially with the price of gas lately.
So basically, because of all this I feel rather worthless and taken advantage of, and have been lashing out at any mention of her girlfriend. If feel bad for lashing out, I didn't want to dump this whole thing on reddit, but I really need to vent and get other peoples takes on this. I don't know what to do.

I apologize as it's a bit of a novel and doesn't quite make grammatical sense in some spots. I can read goodly now and again lol. The reason it says M4R is because I mainly like women and trans women but I also like a very very very specific type of guy and certain trans men as I'm partially bi. Chances are you aren't that type but feel free to ask if you are. (Didn’t want to offend anyone so I’d rather say in private) Just throwing that out there as it's a deal breaker for most women. Which why would it be? The number one reason I get is I'm going to cheat on them with a guy. As if being bi has any bearing on cheating and not the persons character.
I'm a 35 year old guy living in the middle-ish of Texas looking for a female partner. Partner as in LTR. That's Long Term Relationship meaning boyfriend and girlfriend and holding hands type of stuff. You know, adult things? I had someone comment I was too vague so this is me being specific. I'm gonna be honest and kinda sad so bare with me.
So I spent New Years alone (I realize June is like tomorrow lol but I have yet to meet someone and I think the story is still somewhat relevant). Rang in the New Year in bed staring at the ceiling listening to fireworks go off into the night. The next day I cried randomly while browsing for a movie to watch on TV. At first I didn't know why as I'm not much of a crier but I realized for the first time that I genuinely felt alone. I have no partner, no family that I speak to, no friends just acquaintances, really no one there for me. That's my own doing which took years to accomplish through me being closed off and just shutting people out, so I figure it might take just as long to fix. I'm not complaining as I got myself into this predicament. It's gonna sound dumb but I wanted a New Years kiss. I'd never had one and it seemed like a fun dumb silly thing to do. Eh maybe one day. Ok well back to my spiel. (I'm not depressed or anything or wanting attention) Some of my hobbies and interests are movies, reading, cooking, kayaking, records, video games, board games, snorkeling, bowling, swimming, escape rooms, puzzles and antiquing. I would describe myself as more goofy and dorky than nerdy. I like to go out and do fun things but also stay in and cuddle and relax. I guess it depends on my mood and the weather. I prefer the cold and would love to live in a state with actual seasons and snow. I'm 5'10, stocky AKA fat and open for adventure and new experiences.
Here are some random facts about me:
Some of my favorite bands are: The Black Keys, Kings of Leon, The Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival and The White Stripes.
Christmas is my favorite holiday, mainly because of the cold and festive activities.
I come from a medium-ish family.
I'm exceptionally patient but every person has a breaking point lol
I like traveling a lot. It's a basic thing that lots of people like. But I've found lots of people hate to leave their house, town or state so if that's you we probably might not be a good match. I also enjoy the mountains. But I don't like roughing it (give me that sweet AC in the summer). Hiking is so hard on my knees and I haven't done it in a while that if I were to I think about doing it I'd about die or twist a kankle.
I don't eat seafood, mushrooms, artichokes or pineapple on pizza (Who cares about this? Doesn't mean I won't go to a restaurant with you that has these things)
Never went to college as I'm horrible in a classroom setting and at taking tests.
Have probably the most boring job imaginable (Ask me about it)
Overweight but trying to work on it and make better choices (Get healthier and lose weight together maybe?)
Non religious but no issue with what you believe. (If anything)
Looking into sterilization. If you are already maybe you can give me some info or tips?
My own red flags 🚩
I work too much and oftentimes can't talk.
I send selfies often. I'm a visual person and like receiving photos. Apparently it's a generational thing. Hopefully you think pictures are neat as well? Is it really that weird to want to see you and your life and show you mine?
I sometimes speedily become attached to people, not in a weird way, but if I like you and we have some kind of connection, I will enjoy talking to you and want to do it often.
I'm a very organized person and will plan out pretty much anything from a vacation to a road trip to a birthday. This makes being with a go with the flow type of person hard at times I've learned but still very much doable.
Due to childhood trauma I'm secretive which can be annoying.
MY own "HELL YES" 🏁
I know how to cook.
I will always drive if you want. (Within reason)
Great at escape rooms and jigsaw puzzles.
Can read a map.
Decent at reading backwards upside down writing.
What I'm looking for:
Is my age or older. But I'm willing to go quite a bit lower if you are neat and we have stuff in common. But super young isn't my goal here.
Mature, considerate, responsible and funny (Dorky wouldn't hurt)
Someone who never cheats, honesty and trust are important to me.
Someone who is open-minded, willing to try new things, be adventurous, funny and nerdy.
Someone who believes in sharing household chores equally because we are both adults.
Be open and frank about issues you or I are having. Not pushy or jealous. Won't yell or argue about stupid things, I've had enough of that.
Willing to push me to become a better version of myself (Can you turn me into Batman?)
If this sounds like you then feel free to reach out and say hi or challenge me to a game of Scrabble/Pictionary/hand to hand combat maybe? Maybe Wordle or some online vidya game?
P.S. I realize my post isn't for everyone but if your seeing red flags from my post then I'd say trust your gut and please don't message me as we probably aren't compatible. I honestly don't mean that in a mean or hurtful way. I've just been messaged quite often with women saying they pushed aside red flags to get to know me. Please don't, it never ends well and you end up wasting both of our time. Wouldn't you rather spend it finding your person with no flags?

Disclaimer - this is a rant post because LR disables comments on all their social media posts (I wonder why?!?)
Went all in on this product. The whole kit. $800+
100% serious - biggest waste of money and my biggest regret in terms of purchases.
The thing constantly faults and gets stuck in an unusable position. I’ve done everything. Bypassed the trip sensors by taping them together, received 3 replacement bottom units and 1 whole ass litter robot after that. Still fails.
This product is bad, flat out. To be clear, the customer service people were great, so they aren’t to blame.
Please for the love of cats everywhere - do not buy this awful, poorly engineered product.
I bought this because I was sick of scooping crap, but at this point - at least I know a litter box won’t ever fail at it’s sole purpose of being a means for my cats to relieve themselves.
Don’t care to hear a defense of this product. If you’re someone who is looking into this product - DO NOT BUY

So, this is a long story.
I grew up in a third world country that is current ruled by a socialist-communist dictator, so it is very much not a good place to be in.
My younger brother (by 5 years) and I grew up with our mom and dad in said country. We got along well and mostly depended on our mother for emotional needs as our dad was mostly away for work, but when he was home the environment was tense. He's always been volatile and would get upset over everything. I remember him yelling at my mother ever since I was young, and saw him hit her once. My mother threatened to leave after that and he didn't do it again, that I know of, but the yelling continued.
He started fighting with me when I was entering my teens. At first my mother would try to mediate, but our fights were enormous. I would challenge him a lot and he wouldn't know how to react, often saying "this is my house" "don't talk back at me" and when he was really losing am argument, he would threaten things like "say that again and I will smack you" which he would definitely follow through with. Sometimes he wouldn't even give a warning and I would end up hit with a belt, or broomstick, or hanging hook, or whatever was withing reach. Once I apparently annoyed him when he was hanging a picture frame and he smashed it on my head. He thought that was funny and still brings it up as a joke when he sees the picture (that he kept, without the glass).
My mother stopped mediating, I feel, because of how often my father and I would fight. Oftentimes after my dad and I stopped foghting, she would have a conversation with him that ended up with him monologuing/yelling at her. The next day he would tell me it was my fault he had a fight with mom which would trigger another argument between him and me.
This went on and off for years, but as I got older I learned to choose my fights. My brother on the other hand learned by watching me and avoided everything. He would just absentmindedly nod along to whatever dad was asking of him and meekly complied and then did whatever he wanted when dad was distracted.
I should say my brother grew up babied by both my parents and didn't have to do much of the household chores, which mostly fell to me. These were one of the few reasons my father would pick fights with me, because I didn't do them fast enough or I wouldn't drop what I was doing to immediately do the chore he wanted me to do. I always reminded both him and my mother that my brother was also a part of the household, and that by his age I was taking care of many things. They would always reply with, "you're the oldest, so you get to do it" and that was it.
Another point of contingency was money. We were technic middle class but living in a socialist-communist country changes that very quickly. Both my parents worked and they still struggled to cover all the bases. We never lacked anything important. We always had food, electricity, water, a roof, and schools paid. We didn't go on vacation often, but that was ok. However, my father didn't like not having money for other things. There was always something, according to him. Fixing the car (that somehow ALWAYS needed something new fixed), or paying off somebody to fix something in the house, or buying a new whatever for the house, etc. Then I started working and saving money for my own things. My dad was out of the house often and didn't know I started working. I had a laptop, and often gave some tutoring or wrote some papers or anything that a young teen could do to earn a bit of income 15+ years ago. My mom knew I was saving money to buy a handheld console (I never owned one). One day we were out and I let slip in front of my dad that I needed to use my savings to fix my laptop, as it was no longer starting and it was my sources of income. My father blew up and demanded to know why I was "withholding" money from the family for a stupid laptop, when they had bills to pay and things that needed fixing, and said I was selfish and spoiled. My mother defended me on this, which made my father storm off and not talk to us for the rest of the day, only for him to tell me later, in a much sweeter tone, how I was a good daughter and that he would appreciate my help with the house starting now. I'm sad to say I was an idiot and wanted to avoid more fights and just agreed.
Fast forwarding to the event that changed everything. My mother passed away in my mid twenties, my brother was barely 17-18 at the time. She'd been fighting organ failure for months at that point, and the whole family was worn out. I was having constant blowouts with my dad, I tried leaving the house on several occasions because I was having suicidal thoughts, my brother had withdrawn into himself and videogames and my mother was literally telling me to my face that she wanted to die.
Before she passed she tried mending what little relationship I had left with my dad. It sort of happened when she passed. Her death brought us together in our grief. Both my brother and my father turned to me for emotional comfort. I had almost graduated college and was already working so I took over the maintenance of the house and groceries and bills (dad left his job to take care of mom in the last months). So we didn't have time or the energy to fight. Grieving allowed us to bond over mom, talking about her etc. And i sort of had a relationship with my dad again. He'd take care of the house and drive my and my brother around, and I would pay for everything.
Everything came to a head when not a year later my father was seeing someone closer to my age than to his.
I was disgusted to say the least. I fought him tooth and nail on that, as he would often buy her (and her FOUR KIDS) presents with MY money. He would go on trips with her with MY money. So of course I wasn't happy. I also felt he got over my mother (they were together for 23 years) surprisingly fast, and my brother and I were very much still mourning her. My brother didn't care much and would try to calm me down and serve as a wall between me and my dad when my father got fed up with me criticizing his relationship and would attempt to hit me. (Dad never bit my brother).
My brother would say that relationship wouldn't last. I should have listened because it truly didn't. Of course no one would tolerate my dad that long.
So he was alone. And he would complain about it often. He liked (likes) to think of a family member of his. A distant uncle abandoned by his wife and children to die in a dilapidated apartment. He'd say that the children were cruel and thankless to their poor father and would "jokingly" say he hoped we (my brother and I) wouldn't do that to him because he loved us oh so much. Eventually we started fighting like before again.
This is getting way too long so I'll wrap it up.
Eventually I managed to leave the country and now live on the other side of the world. I couldn't bring my brother along with me because I literally arrived with the clothes on my back and a barely-there job opportunity. My brother still lives with our dad and I send money to them every month. My brother is now working to support himself and my dad while he graduates. However, while I lived with them I was the sole focus of my dad's rage. Now it was just him and my brother so he now had a new target.
He's making my brother's life miserable. He interferes in his relationshis, yells at him in front if friends and his girlfriend, undermines him, mocks him, love bombs him, insults him, and the list goes on. Everything he did to me he is now doing to my brother and I feel guilty that I can't get him out faster. I'm saving money to be able to support him here and bring him as soon as he graduates, but even after everything he feels guilty about making my father's fear real. Leaving him alone to his own luck in that third world country when he doesn't even have a job anymore.
I couldn't care less. I barely have a relationship with our father anymore. But it got me thinking. Maybe I'm being too harsh in abandoning him like that. He did provide for us and in his own way, loved us. So, AITA?
Sorry it was so long, but I needed to list the major points. There is more if anybody is interested.

My whole life I have been adamant I do not want kids. I've argued with so many people that I will not change my mind and I've heard "you'll change your mind when you get older" so much that I get mad instantly at this point. But recently I've been thinking about how nice it would be to have something that's half me and half my boyfriend and I feel as if I've trapped myself in a box. I don't think I can handle a single "I told you so" or I might just throw hands but at the same time, I might not have been so insistent about not wanting kids if my family wasn't trying to constantly push the idea onto me. I wish no one had cared about whether or not I ended up having kids cause this wouldn't be such a huge deal for me if they had just left well enough alone and respected me when I told them it wasn't my plan. Honestly I might just never have kids just to avoid the "I told you so" comments, but I don't know if that would make me miserable eventually. I can't just cut out everyone that makes a comment so I either face shame and taunting from the people who "just knew I'd change my mind" or I never have kids and forget that as a possibility. Help?

Okay, so, not only does she make a huge deal out of how she JUST CAN’T USE REECE’S NAME (maybe that’s why his bestie Jason can’t be bothered to spell it correctly), she talks about how it’s possible her trauma made her do this or do that. On the second point, fine; that is valid. HOW-fucking-EVER, it seems that her trauma is all that matters because when it comes to HeR eX shooting at that IDIOT in the middle of the night (and I’m paraphrasing here) “I don’t care what happened…there is no reason for anyone to act like that”. Oh, so now, we don’t care about trauma? Like- at all? COOL.
Oh, and one of my favorite parts was how Jess acted like Jason dropped a huge bomb when he DISCLOSED, JUST FOR THE VIDEO 🙄 that Reece (EXCUSE ME- Jess’ ex) had been using coke their whole relationship. I’m not saying that he wasn’t but if true, SHE ABSOLUTELY KNEW. At least before that moment, she fucking KNEW he was using. If she didn’t see the signs herself (unlikely), Jason told her long ago; he didn’t unleash that tidbit just for the video. Come ON.
I’m ranting, so I will end this post with just how icky I felt knowing that she was comfortable posting HeR eX in a vulnerable state AGAIN (I couldn’t even watch the whole thing). And why are the screens split?! AGAIN. Christ.

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***PLEASE NOTE*** All cultivation inquiries or any mention of cultivation of active species will result in a block, cancelled order, and invalid for any refunds or exchanges. Spores are for microscopy use only.
Welcome back, mega masters of the mush collective!
Before we get into the gooooods, I wanted to address a recurring issue we've been having for a couple weeks now with duplicate orders. For some unknown reason, some of you are submitting an order just fine as usual, however, sometimes my website is kicking out an error after clicking "submit" to place your order. EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR ORDER HAS NOT GONE THROUGH, IT HAS! Check your email to confirm your order has been placed before placing a duplicate order please! If you refresh or go back and place another order, it's still fine and you can checkout as usual, I just have to go through and manually cancel those duplicates. I submitted yet another ticket with Wordpress today to try and get this resolved, as my past attempts have not been resolved. So sorry for the hassle friendos!
On a positive note, APPLE PAY is back as a method of payment! Still working on the traditional credit/debit service and shouldn't be long!
On perhaps an even better positive note, we're nearing order #20,000 over here! What!?!?! All this still seems surreal. I had no idea when all this started that I would reach so many people all over the world, but my heart still feels the same as it did on day one. Thank you everyone who has shown support over the years and allowed me to live up to my true calling and ultimate dream of spreading happiness, kindness and healing. I feel like every day is a true blessing, each month somehow tops the last in some way, and I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity. Y'all rock so hard!
I suppose we haven't actually hit 20k yet, since some duplicate orders recently had to be canceled, but 19.8k or whatever the actual number is is close enough and still an accomplishment, so I'll count it! Plus you want a chance at some free stuffs, right? We will likely hit number 20,000 today or tomorrow, and if that lucky duck is you, here's what we're looking at:
Everything.
I mean, I'd like to keep the house, car and my pet reindeer Ned, but order 20,000 is in for a lifetime treat:
23qt. Pressure Cooker
50 different cubensis syringes
10 different exotic syringes
20 swab packs (you choose!)
5 spore prints (you choose!)
And whether you are into gourmet cultivation or not, you'll also snag the following:
20 gourmet liquid cultures
20 pre-poured agar plates w/parafilm
10 lbs of the finest perfectly hydrated and sterilized grains (10lb total split however you want! ex: 5-2lb bags, etc)
Two 5lb bags of substrate
If you really REALLY aren't into the gourmets, of course I won't force it on ya. We can work out some kind of substitution but I strongly encourage expanding your knowledge and growing some actual food!
Aaaaand because I'm a fun gi, order #19999 and #20001 will score a surprise box similar to the ones I've given away in the past month or so. You don't know what's in it yet because I don't know what's in it yet. Each care pack is a bit different, and I usually feel out what to include as I'm packing it up (and somehow it's usually just what is needed on the other end. Thanks universe!). I don't think I've seen any pics or reviews of the ones I've already sent out, but I can say the receivers are very pleased :) Which also reminds me I have not updated rewards points for those reviews in a couple weeks gah!! I'll get on that tomorrow, my b!
As promised last week, this was an exotic heavy restock week! Fresh from the printing press, we have a FULL stock of Azurescens, Ps. Cyanescens, Gymnopilus Luteofolius, Gymnopilus Spectabilis (Laughing Gym), Natalensis, Ovoids, Subaeruginosa, Tampanensis and Zapotecorum! All are available in both syringes and swabs and shouldn't run out any time soon!
New(ish) to the cubensis library this week, I'm pleased to report that S. African Transkei is back in full force! We're in the final testing stages of a few other cubes that \should** be ready by next week too!
Enjoy this last day of May my friends! LOVE yourself, spread alllll the kindness and call yo momma! Mush Love <3
CREDIT/DEBIT card payments: we're working on a fix for this, again with no certain ETA. But I know that's a popular and easy payment method, so all hands are on deck with this issue! In the meantime, if you'd still like to pay with a card, try this unenthusiastic workaround:
Purchase an Amazon e-gift card from THIS LINK. Enter [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) as the recipient, add your order number to the memo line and badda bing badda bang, it's sent straight to me. If you're anti-Amazon, I get it. Please keep that mentality. Credit/debit will be back ASAP!
It's ALWAYS now forever. It's NEVER not now. BE HERE NOW! You have no choice...
***I love trades!**\* Trades are the best! If you're an artist or have a specialty of your own and would like to work out a trade for some genetics, please let me know! I've never ever turned down a trade and my lab is full of art, messages and nick knacks from this fantastic community. Diabetic supplies needed and accepted too :) Get in here!
Need to talk? Need a friend? Need to vent? I'm here, let's chat! Always in Love <3
PLACING AN ORDER:
All orders must be placed on the website to receive order confirmation and tracking emails. I have several coupon codes to fit most packages, but if you have a large order or need a custom coupon code, please email me, and I'll take care of you :) You may mix-n-match swabs, spore syringes, and liquid cultures (exotics and "special" swab packs excluded)
The most common order, and the best deal is with coupon code 5PACK, which is for 5 cubensis spore syringes, swabs, or gourmet liquid cultures for $30, including shipping! Coupon code 10PACK is $60 for 10 cubensis or gourmet varieties. Use coupon code 2PACK for 2/$20, or if you need any exotics with your 5-pack, you can use coupon code NEEDMORE for 5 cubes and 1 exotic for $40. NEEDMORE2 for 5 cubes and 2 exotics for $50, and so on :)
NEW EXOTIC COUPON CODES:
TWOSpicy - 2 for $25 Exotic syringes and swab packs
FOURSpicy - 4 for $40 Exotic syringes and swab packs
***PLEASE NOTE*** We cannot ship active spores to CA, ID or GA
***PLEASE NOTE*** All cultivation inquiries or any mention of cultivation of active species will result in a block, cancelled order, and invalid for any refunds or exchanges. Spores are for microscopy use only.
LIST OF AVAILABLE VARIETIES (list accurate at 17:00 on 5/31/23, but will change as varieties sell out):
CUBENSIS SPORE SYRINGES AND SWABS AND SOMETIMES PRINTS:
Acadian Coast
Alacabenzi
Avery's Albino (SWABS ONLY)
B+
Blue Magnolia Rust
Blue Meanie
Burma
Cambodian Gold
Columbian Rust
Costa Rican
Creeper
Ecuador
Elephant Gate
Fiji
Ghost
Golden Mammoth
Golden Teacher
Hillbilly
Huautla
Iquitos
Koh Samui
Leucistic Cambodian
Lizard King
Malabar
Mars
Matapanas
Mazatapec
Mexi-Cub
Namuang
Orissa India
Penis Envy #6
PES Amazon
PES Hawaiian
PF Classic
PF Redspore
Phobos (swabs only)
Puerto Rican
Red Boy
Rusty Whyte
S. African Transkei
S. American
Subcubensis
Tasmanian
Texas Yellow Cap
Tidalwave
Treasure Coast
Xico
Z-Strain
EXOTIC SPORE SYRINGES AND SWABS:
Gymnopilus Luteofolius (Yellow Gilled Gymnopilus)
Gymnopilus Spectabilis (Laughing Gym)
Pan Cam Jam
Ps. Allenii
Ps. Azurescens
Ps. Galindoi ATL7
Ps. Natalensis
Ps. Ovoideocystidiata
Ps. Semilanceata (Liberty Cap)
Ps. Subaeruginosa
Ps. Tampanensis (Pollock)
Ps. Zapotecorum
GOURMET LIQUID CULTURES:
Agarikon
Artist's Conk
Bear's Head
Beefsteak
Bitter Oyster (Bioluminescent!) < Black Pearl Oyster
Black PoplaPioppino
Blue Oyster
Branched Oyster
Chaga
Chestnut
Chicken of the Woods
Coral Tooth
Cordyceps Militaris
Enoki
Florida Oyster
Golden Brown Beech
Ghost Fungus
Honey Mushroom
Jack-O-Lantern
Lions Mane
Nameko
Pathfinder Oyster
Pearl Oyster
Pestalotiopsis Microspora (Plastic munchin' non-fruitin' machine! Or is it?? We need our finest on this)
Pink Oyster
Red Reishi
Shaggy Mane
Shiitake
Sordid Blewit
Sporeless Oyster
Tarragon Oyster
Tiger Sawgill
True Morel
Turkey Tail
Veiled Oyster
White Elm
***PLEASE NOTE*** We cannot ship active spores to CA, ID or GA
***PLEASE NOTE*** All cultivation inquiries or any mention of cultivation of active species will result in a block, cancelled order, and invalid for any refunds or exchanges. Spores are for microscopy use only.

12/3/22
Tonight was grocery night. My wife started in on me with the kids in the car about all the problems in our marriage. She says I blame her for the last year, that I no longer look at or tough her. Which is strange since she told me she is resentful of me and I remind her of her grandfather. Why would I initiate with someone who doesnt show me they love me or have any desire for me. I tried but I no longer love her and I don't desire her any longer. She commented on my weight loss, asking her how much more I wanted to lose, I told her another 20 pounds maybe. Then she said that I would look sick if I lost that much weight. She asked if there were any particular reason I wanted to lose weight. She also stated that I must despise her because she has no desire to lose weight. Then stated she had recently lost 13 pounds. She started to complain that I only talked about my boss, which is true because she is really the only person I speak to at work, besides Byron, but he is new. She doesn't seem to understand how isolated I am at work. She then started in on me about not helping around the house, which is funny because she has commented many times on how much I do, yet she always seems to forget it within a week or 2. She kept telling me how I never speak to her and I told her I cant because if I do I will just get in trouble because of my memory, then she proved me right by bitching at me because I ask questions about things she has told me. She also threw out a lot of excuses because she has been stressed and busy with college. She then asked if we could start over and I said yes. Why can't she ever start this shit when we are without the kids.
12/4/22
Today we went to church, then got some Little Caesars pizza. After lunch my wife went to the school to do some things. It is 9:00 pm as I write this and she has been gone for 8 hours. I bathed the kids, did the dishes, cooked the kids supper, and I did my laundry and put up 4 loads of laundry, 2 of which she had done but as usual she will not put up. I put up the childrens clothes from their luggage from Thanksgiving, one week later. I put up all the laundry except for my wifes. She still has clothes lying in the chair from over a month ago, and clothes lying in 2 piles on the bedroom floor that have been there for 3 months. I did some digging and found a conversation between my wife and MIL and SIL. My wife swept the hallway in Oct, the 1st time in a very long time, and posted the picture to a facebook messenger group the 3 of them are on. As usual MIL chimed in with why don't I help. My wife said because that would interfere with sitting on my but and playing video games. MIL then said its ridiculous because my wife works twice as hard as I do and I should help. My wife is lying to her MIL and either lying to herself or actually believes I don't do anything. She will find out eventually how much I do and dont do when she actually has to do all this shit herself. Also, I spent an hour or 2 outside trimming the trees away from the house, dead limbs, And then stacking them for bulk pickup. My wife just got home, I have the kids in bed and she gets mad because she now has to clean her desk because I am working from home tomorrow and she doesn't want me to touch her things. She then raised her voice at the state of the house because she is the only one that actually sees it, only one that cleans it, and the only one that doesn't have time to clean it. I haven't spent more than an hour today not working and she just belittled everything I did today.
12/7/22
Today didn't start out great. I am working from home today due to meetings and a dr appointment. I told my wife earlier in the week but she forgot and was upset that I didn't tell her. I had my dr appointment and then my meeting I couldn't miss. Afterwards, I started on dishes and supper. Wife and kids came home while I was doing that and the only person to come greet me was my ychild. My wife never came to say hello or see what I was doing, she didn't say thank you for cooking supper or what a great meal it was. In fact one of the first things she said to me was after I couldn't find the bbq sauce. She came into the kitchen, looked in the back at the top of the fridge and found it. I asked her where it was and she just looked at me and said somewhere I would have never found it. It was so dejecting and spiteful. After supper I finished the dishes and took out the trash while they were gone for church. Speaking of trash, every week i pick up the trash from my ochilds room. The vast majority of the trash is fast food drinks that my wife left on the side table when she sleeps there every night.
12/17/22
We have inlaws coming in for Christmas later this week. We had to pick-up groceries today and we are meeting up with SIL and BIL to look at Christmas lights, so I didn't have much time today to prepare. While my wife was gone to shop with her church friends I cleaned off the back porch and swept the front yard into a large pile for the kids to play in. I worked late doing so and barely managed to finish before she got back home before we left for the SIl’s. We were gone late and got back around midnight.
12/18/22
Had church this morning and ate lunch in town while running errands. After we got back my wife spent the rest of the day picking up and cleaning ychilds room. She ended up throwing away 3 garbage bags full of clothes and 5 large toys that were destroyed. While she was doing this I picked up the living room, did laundry, and put up 5 loads of laundry. Once again I refused to put up her laundry so instead I just moved it from there where it has been folded on the chairs since I folded then and put them there 4 months ago. I put them in her computer chair. Now she has those clothes plus the clothes in the laundry baskets on the bedroom floor that have been there for 8 months in a pile unfolded. I heard her enter the bedroom and make a comment about being happy that the chairs were clear until she realized I hadn't actually put up her laundry and just moved them. I then cooked supper but had to put up some groceries that she had gotten earlier and placed on the stove.
12/19/22
I woke up this morning to a question from my wife about a bag of treats that she said I put up from the kitchen table. I told her I hadn't seen them. She told me I shouldn't have put up the groceries the previous night and how I didn't put anything up from the table, just the groceries that were on the stove. She began to say she misspoke and meant the stove. She got angry and started to mock my answers. She was still angry and we got ready to leave for work. She started to walk past me out the door and I made kissy noises for a goodbye kiss. She got mad at me for that. We left for work and I got back in time to thaw something for supper. Around 5:50 she called me to tell me she was on the way home, which I thought was a little late but she had to stop at the store. I cooked sloppy joes for supper and the kids ate well. After supper I played a little bit on the computer with my ochild. I heard her looking for the kids special Christmas PJ’s for polar express day the next day at school. She was frantically looking for them and getting angry at me because I did the laundry last (haha like she has done it in a while) and didn't know where they were. I heard her in my ochilds room digging through his closet. I heard her ask him where they were and he said he didn't know daddy did the laundry last. She then said she knows “that's why shit gets lost.” It was very hurtful, disrespectful, and derogatory to say something like that, especially in front of my child and have him participate in the conversation. I helped look for them and found them under my ochilds pillows on his bed. There was no apology or any thankfulness when I found them. Later after I got the kids to bed my wife came and sat on her side of the couch using her phone and laptop. She muttered something about ‘that sounds about right.” I asked if she was talking to me and before I could finish “or was she talking to herself about a text” she answered me with a very angry look on her face and a very hurtful tone that “not everything is about you.” I was obviously very hurt by this so I got up to fill up on water and went to bed. She started to tell me it was a text from her mom about her dad but stopped talking when I was checking locks. She got irritated and refused to elaborate. I went to bed and refused to kiss her or tell her goodnight. This was not a very good day.
12/24/22
Christmas Eve. Wife and MIl went to town today for many hours, leaving me and my FIL home alone. I asked if he would be interested in 1883 since he had heard of it from one of his hands. He said yes and we started watching it. We were probably on episode 5-6 when they returned. I had checked several time if he wanted to keep watching it and he said yes. Wife and MIL returned around episode 6-7. SIL and BIl some over at about episode 7-8 and SIL asked him if he liked it. I didn't hear him but I was told he said it was fine, had a lot of action but sometimes felt like watching paint dry. After several more times of asking if he was ok watching the show he replied we went this far might as well watch it. MIL made several biting comments about wanting to watch something else. I find this funny because she never complains when he controls the TV at his house unless it is behind his back. She doesn't have the same limitations with me. I respected his wishes and continued to the end. After the show ended MIL cornered me in the hallway berating me for watching that show and trapping him all day watching it, saying that he didn't want to watch that show. I returned to the living room and asked him if he liked the show or was bothered by finishing the season. He said no and asked me why I asked. I said I just wanted to make sure.
12/25/22
Christmas day. After yesterday I was eager to finish this weekend but I am glad the kids had such a good time.
12/27/22
Today I had my 1st meeting with my new therapist. We went over some reasons why I was seeking a divorce and what/when to tell the kids. He did encourage me to speak to my wife about separating rather than filing prior like my lawyer suggested.
12/29/22
Tonight my wife confronted me about the use of towels to clean myself off after taking care of myself when I sleep alone. She mentioned how we hadn't had sex in 13 months. Which is hard to do when you are never alone together. I mentioned this and she talked about one time we had 4 days sleeping alone together when we took the kids to the inlaws a few months ago. I told her she didn't try anything either and I was tired of asking after being rejected for the past 7 years. We argued some more and eventually she got angry and started to leave. I then suggested that maybe we should discuss separating. She returned and asked me if that is what I wanted. I said yes and she got very angry and started yelling at me. She eventually left and went to sit on the couch for about 30 min. She eventually returned and we had a heart to heart. I told her all of the things that I was resentful about and she argued with me on every point. She seemed incredulous about splitting custody with the kids. Exclaiming how I wouldn't be able to afford living alone while paying child support. I asked for 50/50 saying did she just want me to become a weekend dad and she was upset at having to switch the kids every week. Eventually the kids woke up and came into the bedroom. She started talking in terms that my son could understand saying that everything is going to change and not for the good. My son can be very emotional and he started to cry. We couldn't get the kids to bed and eventually she lost it and started hitting herself in the head with a brush and then went to the bedroom door and started shaking it violently and I am not sure if she hit herself in the head with it. She left the room and I layed down with the kids to calm them. She eventually returned and we spoke amicably and she asked me to give us a chance and attend couples counseling. I agreed and she went to lay down with the kids.
I am so thankful I recorded it.
12/30/22
Today my wife spent the day with her sister and our kids at the zoo. She didn't get back until almost midnight and we didn't get a chance to talk. She went to sleep with the kids.
12/31/22
This morning my wife and I had a discussion. She admitted to almost everything that I said to her the other night. Saying that she was sorry and that she is going to try and not yell at me anymore or criticize me when I do the housework and it is not up to her standards. I am still skeptical but I am willing to see how things go.
Next Entry Jan 2023

So, this is a long story.
I grew up in a third world country that is current ruled by a socialist-communist dictator, so it is very much not a good place to be in.
My younger brother (by 5 years) and I grew up with our mom and dad in said country. We got along well and mostly depended on our mother for emotional needs as our dad was mostly away for work, but when he was home the environment was tense. He's always been volatile and would get upset over everything. I remember him yelling at my mother ever since I was young, and saw him hit her once. My mother threatened to leave after that and he didn't do it again, that I know of, but the yelling continued.
He started fighting with me when I was entering my teens. At first my mother would try to mediate, but our fights were enormous. I would challenge him a lot and he wouldn't know how to react, often saying "this is my house" "don't talk back at me" and when he was really losing am argument, he would threaten things like "say that again and I will smack you" which he would definitely follow through with. Sometimes he wouldn't even give a warning and I would end up hit with a belt, or broomstick, or hanging hook, or whatever was withing reach. Once I apparently annoyed him when he was hanging a picture frame and he smashed it on my head. He thought that was funny and still brings it up as a joke when he sees the picture (that he kept, without the glass).
My mother stopped mediating, I feel, because of how often my father and I would fight. Oftentimes after my dad and I stopped foghting, she would have a conversation with him that ended up with him monologuing/yelling at her. The next day he would tell me it was my fault he had a fight with mom which would trigger another argument between him and me.
This went on and off for years, but as I got older I learned to choose my fights. My brother on the other hand learned by watching me and avoided everything. He would just absentmindedly nod along to whatever dad was asking of him and meekly complied and then did whatever he wanted when dad was distracted.
I should say my brother grew up babies by both my parents and didn't have to do much of the household chores, which mostly fell to me. These were one of the few reasons my father would pick fights with me, because I didn't do them fast enough or I wouldn't drop what I was doing to immediately do the chore he wanted me to do. I always reminded both him and my mother that my brother was also a part of the household, and that by his age I was taking care of many things. They would always reply with, "you're the oldest, so you get to do it" and that was it.
Another point of contingency was money. We were technic middle class but living in a socialist-communist country changes that very quickly. Both my parents worked and they still struggled to cover all the bases. We never lacked anything important. We always had food, electricity, water, a roof, and schools paid. We didn't go on vacation often, but that was ok. However, my father didn't like not having money for other things. There was always something, according to him. Fixing the car (that somehow ALWAYS needed something new fixed), or paying off somebody to fix something in the house, or buying a new whatever for the house, etc. Then I started working and saving money for my own things. My dad was out of the house often and didn't know I started working. I had a laptop, and often gave some tutoring or wrote some papers or anything that a young teen could do to earn a bit of income 15+ years ago. My mom knew I was saving money to buy a handheld console (I never owned one). One day we were out and I let slip in front of my dad that I needed to use my savings to fix my laptop, as it was no longer starting and it was my sources of income. My father blew up and demanded to know why I was "withholding" money from the family for a stupid laptop, when they had bills to pay and things that needed fixing, and said I was selfish and spoiled. My mother defended me on this, which made my father storm off and not talk to us for the rest of the day, only for him to tell me later, in a much sweeter tone, how I was a good daughter and that he would appreciate my help with the house starting now. I'm sad to say I was an idiot and wanted to avoid more fights and just agreed.
Fast forwarding to the event that changed everything. My mother passed away in my mid twenties, my brother was barely 17-18 at the time. She'd been fighting organ failure for months at that point, and the whole family was worn out. I was having constant blowouts with my dad, I tried leaving the house on several occasions because I was having suicidal thoughts, my brother had withdrawn into himself and videogames and my mother was literally telling me to my face that she wanted to die.
Before she passed she tried mending what little relationship I had left with my dad. It sort of happened when she passed. Her death brought us together in our grief. Both my brother and my father turned to me for emotional comfort. I had almost graduated college and was already working so I took over the maintenance of the house and groceries and bills (dad left his job to take care of mom in the last months). So we didn't have time or the energy to fight. Grieving allowed us to bond over mom, talking about her etc. And i sort of had a relationship with my dad again. He'd take care of the house and drive my and my brother around, and I would pay for everything.
Everything came to a head when not a year later my father was seeing someone closer to my age than to his.
I was disgusted to say the least. I fought him tooth and nail on that, as he would often buy her (and her FOUR KIDS) presents with MY money. He would go on trips with her with MY money. So of course I wasn't happy. I also felt he got over my mother (they were together for 23 years) surprisingly fast, and my brother and I were very much still mourning her. My brother didn't care much and would try to calm me down and serve as a wall between me and my dad when my father got fed up with me criticizing his relationship and would attempt to hit me. (Dad never bit my brother).
My brother would say that relationship wouldn't last. I should have listened because it truly didn't. Of course no one would tolerate my dad that long.
So he was alone. And he would complain about it often. He liked (likes) to think of a family member of his. A distant uncle abandoned by his wife and children to die in a dilapidated apartment. He'd say that the children were cruel and thankless to their poor father and would "jokingly" say he hoped we (my brother and I) wouldn't do that to him because he loved us oh so much. Eventually we started fighting like before again.
This is getting way too long so I'll wrap it up.
Eventually I managed to leave the country and now live on the other side of the world. I couldn't bring my brother along with me because I literally arrived with the clothes on my back and a barely-there job opportunity. My brother still lives with our dad and I send money to them every month. My brother is now working to support himself and my dad while he graduates. However, while I lived with them I was the sole focus of my dad's rage. Now it was just him and my brother so he now had a new target.
He's making my brother's life miserable. He interferes in his relationshis, yells at him in front if friends and his girlfriend, undermines him, mocks him, love bombs him, insults him, and the list goes on. Everything he did to me he is now doing to my brother and I feel guilty that I can't get him out faster. I'm saving money to be able to support him here and bring him as soon as he graduates, but even after everything he feels guilty about making my father's fear real. Leaving him alone to his own luck in that third world country when he doesn't even have a job anymore.
I couldn't care less. I barely have a relationship with our father anymore. But it got me thinking. Maybe I'm being too harsh in abandoning him like that. He did provide for us and in his own way, loved us. I'm starting to feel guilty, but I needed to vent somewhere.
Sorry it was so long, but I needed to list the major points. There is more if anybody is interested.

Where are my teens & kids who spent the summers on the run with Luke & Laura?
Some of you may have seen recently that Jackie Zeman (Bobbie Spencer) passed away earlier this month at the age of 70. She played the role of GH RN, former hooker with a heart of gold, land lady, and Luke's baby sister for 45 years. She had been a near constant in my life, so her loss sent me to YouTube in search of old GH clips and episodes.
TLDR: I watched a lot of old GH.
I found a goldmine in youtuber Sussezq who has playlists beginning when Bobbie calls her brother Luke Spencer to Port Charles to help break up Laura Webber and Scott Baldwin (1979), Laura's marriage to Scott and Luke's rape of Laura at the Campus Disco and then their summer on the run hiding from mobsters (1980), and their Ice Princess caper with Robert Scorpio and their Nov wedding with 30 million viewers (1981).
I was 9-11 during the Luke and Laura heyday. Some things I didn't remember, didn't get at the time, or just didn't get to see due to school and not having a VCR until 1984. I've watched from Luke & Laura's first meeting to their honeymoon, and here are my Gen-Xey thoughts:
The Good

• The writing is much better than you think it's going to be. Gloria Monty was the showrunner at the time, and she turned a failing hospital daytime drama into the biggest daytime soap on the planet.
• Tony Geary (Luke) was just absolutely incredible as Luke Spencer. Smart, witty, and quick with ad-libs, he was also the little black dress of the show and had chemistry with everyone. He pulled better performances out of so-so actors, generously propped up lackluster actors, and allowed good actors to shine. He took Genie Francis under his wing and elevated her performance.
• Found Family is a more modern concept in media but soap operas have been creating families via long-lost children, paternity confusion, friends, step-parents, etc for decades. Luke has a less "traditionally" familial structure than Laura: his mother died due lack of health care, and his father abandoned them. Luke and his sister Bobbie grew up on the streets, with occasional help from his Aunt Ruby who then a brothel madam. By the time Luke has been back in Port Charles for a few months, Tony (Luke), Jackie (Bobbie), and Norma (Ruby) have built chemistry and loyalty into a "us against the world" bond that is impressive now, much less in the early 80s. Laura's family, while more traditional in structure, is also new: Laura was switched at birth and doesn't find out Dr. Leslie Webber is her birth mom until she's a teen. Leslie is married to Dr. Rick Webber, who is not Laura's bio father, and Laura has been raised with her sister Amy who is actually her sister via adoption. By 1980 you'd never know Rick and Leslie didn't raise Laura.
• The adventures are fun, cheesy, and fairly fast paced for a soap opera.
• The show often manages to tie Luke & Laura's adventures back to the hospital, or at least its doctors and nurses.
• The Campus Disco is both hilarious (why is it a college campus disco???) and amazing. The music is a weird muzak version of "Call Me" and "Ring My Bell," though.
• The fashions are glorious. I hated 70s fashions in the 80s, but they're incredibly forward now, seeing them as an adult. Luke often wears an amazing pair of pink Guess Jeans that I would kill for.
• Brian and Claudia are a hot, smart Black couple who are getting college degrees when we meet them, and they're both great friends to Laura and Scott (and later Luke). There's no racist subtext in their speech, clothing, jobs, and relationship. (But see me in the Bad Section later.)
• Richard Simmons (as himself) gives exercise classes as part of his Live-It (as opposed to diet) program. He's also -- and this amazing -- one of Luke's groomsmen for his failed wedding to Jennifer Smith! He shows up again to welcome Luke and Laura home after the Frank Smith / Left Handed Boy adventure, and then he just sort of fades away.
• Two henchmen chase after Luke and Laura during their summer on the run. "Hutch" Hutchinson is blond, gorgeous, and, like Tony Geary, appears to think he's acting on bigger show than he's on. His chemistry with Luke and Laura is amazing, and the three of them become great friends (this friendship triangle will later be replicated with Robert Scorpio). Sally Armitage, a bar owner in upstate New York for whom Hutch, Laura, and Luke work, turns out not only to be one of Frank Smith's hired guns, but also a man named Max Hedges in drag as Sally. I have so many questions! It's never explained why Max is Sally. It doesn't appear that he's trans (or transsexual as it was called then) and actually living as a woman, because we seem him as Max and he often uses his "Max voice" to talk to Frank Smith. Is he in drag to better disguise himself and make Luke & Laura more trusting of him? Or is the character merely a transvestite who just enjoys dressing as a woman at times? I DON'T KNOW! But it's fascinating, and treated with astounding respect in 1980 (despite Sally being a bad guy).
• The Ice Princess freezing plot is straight out of James Bond, but there are layers to it -- the discussions of the haves and have nots are especially poignant when Luke recounts his and and Bobbie's childhoods.
• The wedding of the century was phenomenal. I hated the bridesmaid dresses at the time (I still don't like mauve or hats), the antique cars and the outdoors setting, and all of the country decor from Luke and Laura's time hiding out on Whittaker's Farm is lovely, with a with a plotluck meal from the residents of Port Charles (including caviar and Oysters Rockefeller from the Quartermaines).
• Robert Xavier Scorpio. Hot dude, great accent, great actor, stellar chemistry with Luke.
• Rick Springfield is freaking fine as Dr. Noah Drake. Just as fine as I remember from 1981 when I bought "Working Class Dog."

The Bad

• It's not even going to start with the rape. Shocker, I know. Rick and Leslie Webber and Gail and Lee Baldwin were okay with Laura at 17 marrying Scotty who had to be at least 23 (he was in law school). I grew up in a rural town in Oklahoma. It was extremely typical for girls to get married right out of high school where and when I grew up, and often to slightly older men in their 20s who were "settled." But those were poor people who had been raised to believe they had very few educational opportunities. Laura is the child of two MDs. Worse, Genie Francis actually was 17 and some of the things she went through were so not okay.
• Laura gets a job serving alcohol at the Disco when was 17. The drinking age in New York was 18 in 1979, so that was probably legal. Just weird if you're me.
• Laura is incredibly infantilized by Scott and her parents. It's kinda gross.
• The rape. It's so much worse than you remember. Luke comes to town to break up Laura and Scott (for Bobbie), fails, and then falls for high school senior Laura (they don't ever give Luke's actual age, but I think it's supposed to be around 25; Tony Geary was actually 32 in 1979). He even takes pictures of her in her cheerleading uniform (which Luke cops to still having a year later). When she is almost 18 and married to Scott, Luke pulls her onto the dance floor at the Campus Disco after hours and forces her to dance to Herb Alpert's "Rise." He kisses her despite her protests, and then drags her to the floor and rapes her while she is saying, "No." There's no ambiguity. Even a "what about" guy would struggle because Laura is 17, Luke's employee, and shell-fucking-shocked when it's over. She escapes to the park and later reports the rape, but doesn't reveal she knew her attacker. She accuses Luke of the rape to his face, and he doesn't deny it. Despite the fact that he is torn up about it, he raped her. She still keeps working at the disco, and she doesn't tell Scott, and she displays PTSD, but she still keeps helping Luke with his mob problems. The chemistry between Luke and Laura was such that the show ran with it. Tony was an incredible actor nd he brought out a strength in Laura we hadn't see before. So they have Laura punish Luke emotionally, but she doesn't turn him in, and she doesn't cut him out of her life. Before his abortive wedding to Jennifer, she writes him a letter where she forgives him (which Scott finds, ending their marriage). Once on the run, she "admits" to Luke that it wasn't rape, that she wanted it too, but was just too ashamed of her feelings for him and didn't want to break her marriage vows and be ashamed in front of her family and friends. The gross "seduction-rape" trope was huge in the 80s. Good girls could not be seen actively seeking sex, so they were often "taken against their will." It played out in real life, too, with several women my age not knowing they were raped because "they put themselves in a room alone with him" or "they should have fought harder." Several of my friends wouldn't use birth control, because that meant you had planned to have sex, rather than it be something that happened to you.
• Of all the grossness that surrounds the Luke & Laura rape, the worst is her apology to him that they made love, rather than that he raped her.
• Too much reliance on "kooky" characters like Slick Jones and Emma Lutz. While Slick isn't bad, Emma is really a single punchline (she's "trashy hot"! Ha ha! So funny!). Tony was so good at being "wacky" as Luke that they wanted to build on that. Unfortunately not every character actor is Tony.
• Brian and Claudia are attractive, smart, witty, fun, loving, loyal, and fit into Port Charles society seamlessly. They also don't have a single storyline that isn't supporting to someone else (at least between 1979-1981). Can a Black man get some amnesia or hysterical blindness???
• It's hilarious that Luke goes to Dan Rooney, the hospital administrator, for international banking intel about the Quartermaines, Cassadines, and Robert Scorpio. Oh, we get a line of dialogue about how he used to work for movers and shakers, but it's still amusing. One of my best friends is the CFO for a local small credit union. Imma hit her up about Musk and Soros.
• Laura is not only sacrificed on the purity altar, she's also dragged across the coals for getting a divorce. Since Laura's soon-to-be-ex father-in-law Lee Baldwin is apparently the only attorney in town, she must turn to his associate, Joe Kelly (who graduates law school in like 6 months) to get her divorce from Scott. Quick Mexican divorces were de rigueur on 80s TV, so off Laura heads to Juarez. Lee tears up the divorce decree in a drunken rage, and Luke confronts him about it. Lee is later apologetic, and explains it as "what a dad gotta do," but latter adds that it was also due to the mores of his generation. The mores of his generation?! Lee might be Greatest Gen, but his General Hospital CV will tell you that:

1. He's a recovering alcoholic with anger issues
2. He's the biological father of Rick Webber's younger brother Jeff who was conceived via infidelity between Lee and Helene Webber
3. He was totes fine with college grad Scott marrying a literal high school senior!

Yeah. Lee should sit this one out.
The Ugly
In a 2022 interview with Oprah's "Where Are They Now," Genie Francis explained the following about why she left General Hospital in early 1982 at the height of Luke & Laura's popularity:

"I was very young. I was only 19. I was having trouble with drugs and alcohol," she said. After spending a night in the hospital, she was told she had to return to work the next day. Then someone came to her dressing room to inform her what had been said about her on set. "They said it didn't matter if you lived or died because Tony was the whole show," the person told her. "That hurt," the actress added. Feeling that she didn't matter to the show and that she was considered "nothing," Francis thought, "Okay, watch this. I'm gone," and in a moment of anger, she quit "GH." She admitted the decision was rather hot-headed, saying, "I went a long distance to prove a point. A very long distance," acknowledging that her actions hurt herself as well.

Read More: https://www.nickiswift.com/1105223/the-heartbreaking-reason-genie-francis-left-general-hospital-at-the-height-of-luke-and-lauras-fame/
Despite the bad and the ugly of it all, the show meant A LOT to me between 9 and 25 or so, and Luke & Laura were probably my first fandom. It was amusing and sometimes surreal to relive it all again.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now.. We broke up once for around 5 months because and we spoke again for a while and got back together around 2 months ago.. So let me be clear I was never expecting anything from him as like buying things or whatever especially that we had a long distance relationship we rarely hungout in person but all the time he would be talking about how much he's making, how he used to spoil his exes, how he's spoiling his sibling and family, how he "ordered" gifts for me which I NEVER received, when we hung out he would tell me "oh my god I forgot your gift at home" and I said we barley saw eachother I person and this happened twice, he would always offer to buy me something but I would always say no because I don't like accepting things from people and he would just keep it like that he would never insist never surprise me nothing .. 2 weeks ago I decided to ask him for the first time ever to get me something it was a teddy because we are long distance and I felt like I wanted something from him to keep with me he said ya ok and then forgot about it.. The next day I asked again because I scened he kinda thought I didn't mean it but I asked in a humorous way and he passed.. Then again the third day I asked again but this time I was weirded out like why do i have to ask for things?? He responded with "I'll get the damn bear" I was like ok and didn't speak of it again, everytime for the next week I got pissed he keeps asking if its about the bear or not but never does anything about it so it got me thinking about all the things he did before and I thought talking about it would make me sound like a gold digger but it was getting on my nerves and I couldn't figure out why he does things like this so I confronted him and he apologized and said that he was traumatized from his exes using him and that It was hard for him to buy me things since we waren't in a fully committed relationship 'married or atleast engaged' then sent me this after asking him to tell me why he lied (I felt like I wasn’t doing anything to make you feel happy while other guys would do such for their girl). So thats where I closed the subject because I don't know how to react I don't know how to feel.. But I keep thinking about him being stingy with me because if he did actually care about me he would know I'm not using him and he wouldnt compare me to his past relationships.. And now with the issue being unresolved just floating around I don't know what to do about it, it's making me think about other things he's doing and everything is pissing me off, I keep picking fights by mistake just because I'm hurt. At this point I can't even reply back to his ily texts I can't get myself to speak when we call and i just feel stuck in this feeling of not knowing how it's going to be in the future or if it's someone I should look forward to be with. I need to hear opinions on this.

I'm noticing that I'm so focused on anger and being hurt, and what she's done/doing, that I'm losing sight of myself and my own attributions and I feel like it's hindering my healing process.
I'm so focused on her still; "what's she doing?", "what's her story today?", "Has she posted anything?", "Does she miss me?", "Does she even feel remorse at all?! She's terrible", "Why does she lie like that, how can she do that?". It's like I'm avoiding taking a look at myself or focusing on myself. I'm sick of this focus on her - this needs to change.
I should start to learn to not care for the "she's", and focus on the "me's". I should start to look at what I did wrong and would like to change about myself. I should focus on how I let myself get into this mess? Do I need to work on my boundaries? List all the things I learned? I need to focus on moving on for me and understand that the questions about her will never get an answer through my daily overthinking - it will just raise more questions, or repeat the ones I already have and make them louder. I need to ask myself the hard questions of who am I? What do I want? Who do I want to be? It's time to find out and decide that for myself because I'm not the same as I was before all this, I need to get to know me again.
This is what she's chosen to be, and nothing I do will be able to change that. I can't know what's going through her head, and I don't think she even understands it herself. So why focus on what I can't control, when I can choose to focus on what I can control?: My own actions and attitude. Logic and emotions don't work together as they tend to invalidate eachother, but at one point letting these same emotions overwhelm and keeping me in the same cycle needs to stop and I need to grow.
I should remind myself: "Who cares what she thinks or does?", Whenever hard moments or thoughts of her come through. It's the way I think I'll be able to move forward and into the next stage; acceptance. I realise I haven't accepted any of this just yet. I'm not even hundred percent sure of what the reality is...
That doesn't mean I should invalidate my emotions when they arise, on the contrary. I should still take my time to write her letters that I'll never send filled with these emotions. I need to apply short meaningful exposure to them, but give them their designated 15-30 minutes a day as my therapist told me. Practise the CBT exercise to reframe negative thoughts, and allow time to slowly heal. Be present in the process.

This line comes at towards the beginning of Part III of the series. Vader and Reva are talking over hologram and she says something about the Grand Inquisitor being dead, to which Vader replies "The Grand Inquisitor means nothing."
Firstly, this line works great on a surface level. It makes Vader seem intimidating and very powerful compared to Reva and the other Inquisitors. They were all taking orders from him in the first two episodes, but now we see that Vader is so far above him that he doesn't even care that he died.
On a rewatch, however, it takes on a new meaning. Vader knew the GI had survived and he was likely already working with him to undermine Reva, so it could be interpreted that Vader is lying to Reva, that he does respect the GI and that he just didn't want Reva to focus on him, lest she figure out he was alive. I don't think that this is the case, though.
I think that deep down, Vader really doesn't care about the GI or any of the Inquisitors, and that this line (at least in part) was a reflection of how he truly feels. This supports a larger idea that Vader doesn't really care about or like any of the Imperials, with maybe a few exceptions. He views himself as above their petty squabbling and isolated from the Empire even as he serves it.
There's also the idea that the line could be referring to the fact the TITLE of Grand Inquisitor mean nothing. When Vader gives Reva the title in Part V, it literally doesn't mean anything, since by this point Vader knows that the real GI is alive and the whole point of giving Reva the title is to make his betrayal sting that much more.
This idea is also supported by the fact that after the GI dies for real in Rebels, nobody gets the title then.
Overall, it's a cool line that reveals some interesting things about Vader's character if you dig into it.

I live in an apartment, I just let them live in my apartment now. I got them to stop eating my shit and give them eat scraps instead(veggies). Took a lot of work to get them stop them shitting on my carpet but my scolding of them and constant "cleaning" of the carpet has subsided.
Anyways, they see my hatred of the dogs constantly barking, waking me from my sleep and especially when my smoke, they started dive bombing the neighbors walking their dogs. Vibe sorta became a parriah to the locals and have been directly contacted and confronted by the Corp that runs the place. I've scolded them but they seem to feel my anger against my neighbors and the maintenance that piss me off.
While I enjoy their loyalty and care about me, this shit can get me ejected from my apartment.
Yes I live with crows inside my apartment, think it's two murders that formed into one but I'm ignorant how their behavior is. Bi guesstimate probably 20-30. Bi only know Fred as he rides and sits on my shoulder when I go for my walks.
Obviously they don't speak English but I'm trying so hard at this point trying to telling them to behave. Obviously human standards are foreign to my murder(s).
Sorry to rant but this is sorta esscalationg