Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
As alternate me drove south, the pop music station switched back to the news channel. Whatever was going to happen in Washington DC in the alternate reality, I was screwed. My heart began to race as I pondered the possibilities. Building smashing would be insane, a creature dump would be the worst thing to get caught up in, an EMP Bubble complete with gassing would be terrifying as hell too, but I guess it would be a quick way to go. The entire city exploding would most likely be quick as well. Either way, and no matter how quick death could be, I didn't want to die at all.
Hopefully a task force made up of various other alternate me's would come rescue me. That's of course probably just a dream in the reality I'm in. For sure there is a team of alternate me's rescuing other alternate me's in some area of the multiverse. It's possible, so it's happening in some set of realities. I hope they come here too.
At around 8 AM, my stomach was rumbling. Luckily, my alternate self got the memo. Unfortunately, her response was cruel.
"Hungry back there? You don't need to eat anyway. It's not going to matter."
I'd probably find something to eat somewhere anyway. Hopefully…
Nothing new came up in the news. It was just talk about the three giants who attacked the UK. Other than that, the news reporters talked about the crashing worldwide economy on account of the Northeast China and Japan EMP Bubbles, the refugees emerging from EMP bubbles and claiming to have seen giants spraying gas on cities and towns, world leaders' reactions to the attacks, and the fall of the CCP, Russia, North Korea, Iran, the UK, Japan, along with the slow torture of the US. The reporters speculated about what the giants may want.
"They're taking out thousands of people in an obviously coordinated way, but we still don't know what they want."
"They for sure want us to be scared, and we definitely are, but yeah, why are they killing certain people who have no proven connection to each other?"
"Maybe that's part of their point. Make us go insane at their uncertainty."
As I browsed the internet, I came across a discussion thread claiming the giants were good because they were destroying all the fascist and flawed democratic governments. The comments of course disagreed, saying killing people is not the answer. It won't end fascism. Curious, I scrolled down to the very bottom to read the least popular comments.
"Yeah.. these giants are transforming this world for the better. Hopefully when their attacks are finished we can rebuild where they helped us out and just be better to each other"
Right… they helped us out… sure.
"Why are people expecting democracy in the aftermath of this? We need stronger leaders who can see past hypocrisy"
Giving people rights means being weak?
And of course… the craziest one.
"These attacks came out of nowhere. How? You're telling me giant titanic beings just popped out of nowhere and nobody had any foreknowledge? The government will do absolutely anything to control their citizens. China has collapsed? North Korea too? Even Iran? Yeah this was coordinated."
Because everyone's psychic and somehow knew beings like these would pop out of nowhere and catch everybody off guard? Also the UK, Canada, and Japan were attacked too. Why would the US attack its own allies? And itself? Especially its own facilities? This must be one of those every elite is a demonic Illuminati puppet theorist.
Hilarious comments aside, it's scary how people can believe just about anything is planned by the government. Demonic giants from who knows where cannot be the fault of any government. But that aside, there was yet another rabbit hole I stumbled down. On an obscure part of Reddit, there was a group who called themselves the Children of Satan's Titans. At first, I thought it was satirical, but as I read their posts, it was clear they were being serious. They thought the giants were bringing on armageddon and that they were supposed to lead the world after all is said and done. They even came up with nicknames for the giants.
The one that attacked Manhattan was the Grim Baron The one that attacked first was the Mother of Destruction for being the first giant to attack The one that forced Justin Trudeau into hiding was Lacertosis The giant duo who first attacked Newmarket and Aurora, Ontario were called the Ignis Duo
…and the list went on. The cult had come up with latin-translation names for each confirmed giant so far. There were 45 confirmed giants.
The car came to a stop. I slid my phone into my pocket and anticipated the worst. The three got out of the car. My alternate self's two cronies opened the trunk and told me to get out and to follow my alternate self or I'd be hit with another dart. I climbed out of the trunk, stepping onto a parking lot. As my alternate self began to walk, I followed. Cars were driving up and down the road, people were walking on the sidewalks. It was pretty busy. That made it even more saddening, as I knew the city was about to be attacked by giants.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Don't talk," alternate me said.
My alternate self was such a psycho. But why? What led her to berating every other version of her? How many times has this whole sort of thing happened? It can't be the first time. If it is, then that's a good thing… She isn't very experienced in this… but I can't let optimism cloud my judgment, especially with the pit of dread in my stomach. I was probably going to suffer whether I survived or not.
I want out of this hostel shit.
The three told me to wait outside a Starbucks. As I stood outside, I checked Reuters for some updates on the attacks. Interestingly, there weren't any. Once the three walked back out, we continued walking.
Over the following ~two hours, the three took me on a tour of the city. However, it was more of a goodbye tour, with my alternate self making snarky comments at every tourist attraction. I'll just list the stuff she said and the places we went to.
When we stopped in front of the White House…
"See this magnificent building here? It's about to be swarmed by a mass of wild creatures. Hope the president makes it out alive."
When we walked by the Smithsonian National Museum…
"All the lovely stuff in there is going to be torn to pieces"
When we walked by the Washington Monument…
"Creatures are going to scale that thing looking for guts to eat"
When we walked by the Capitol Building…
"Creatures this time, and 100 times worse"
When we walked by the Supreme Court of the United States…
"Ever wanted to cut the court in half? Well here we are"
When we walked by the National Academy of Sciences…
"New stuff to put in science books. History books even. Imagine if you had a 21st Century history book and could know how the rest of this century unfolds for this timeline."
While her comments were presented as if they were light, they creeped me the hell out. She was joking about my likely death and reminding me of all the terrible things that were about to happen. What kept me most on edge was the uncertainty of when the creatures would be dumped. There being no updates about the attacks gave me a calm before the storm vibe too. I began to jump at the sight of dogs running by. The Ian and Billy behind me couldn't stop giggling each time.
At the end of the tour, my alternate self led me to what at first looked like the entrance to a subway train station. It was called Dupont Underground. Alternate me led me down some concrete stairs and stopped at a door. She turned to me while pulling her phone out.
"I'm going to show you something from a different reality," she said, with a sinister look in her eyes. "This timeline, but one month from now."
She tapped around for a minute, then she held her phone in front of my eyes. A video was playing. The camera operator walked down a deserted city road. Every car was stalled in the middle of the road with shattered windows and some had huge body dents. I saw the Dupont Underground sign and realized it was the street we were on. The camera operator took a right down the concrete steps. At the bottom was a body covered in blood and fleshy holes. The camera operator walked up to the body and zoomed in on its face. I recognized her. It couldn't be. But it probably was.
"This is you after having your guts sucked out by creatures," alternate me said.
My heart sank. An odd eeriness overtook me. That was me. Dead. My unmoving body laying on the ground. I was looking at my own corpse. I had never seen a dead alternate version of me before. That was about to be me. Technically it was an alternate version of me, but it mirrored what was going to happen to me. I shivered with dread.
"I… I'm…… I'm going to be eaten alive"
"Oh suck it up," alternate me said.
"Yeah," Ian added.
"Don't cry too much," Billy added.
"Don't cry?" I asked. "I was shown my fate you shit!"
"And there's no way to avoid it," alternate me said. "Now, we're taking you for another walk. This time, just a stroll."
"What is the point exactly?" I asked.
"Exercise," alternate me shrugged.
My alternate self took me on a long walk up north. She didn't say a word to me. Neither did Billy or Ian. I made sure to keep my mouth shut, anxious I'd be taken into a back alley and be injected with fire ants of all things. After an hour of walking, I became exhausted. My knees felt like they were going to snap, I was sweating all over, and my breaths were shallow. My stomach began to ache from not eating. I was still too anxious to talk. We went to a McDonald's, but alternate me told me I wasn't allowed to have anything. She had to have been taunting me.
We walked north for another exhaustive aching hour. I was thirsty as fuck. We stopped at a convenience store where alternate me gave me a water bottle. It wasn't something I expected, but I guess he did it just so I wouldn't faint from heat exhaustion. It made the following hour of walking refreshing, but my stomach was still numb. At least we were walking back though. But it dawned on me that it only meant my death was closer than ever. The pit of dread in my stomach deepened, distracting me from the numbness in my stomach. There was a hint of sadness behind every thought I had. I played a song in my head as I continued to follow behind my alternate self. The songs I heard in the Creature Dump Aftermath footage. Just me playing the memory I had of them back in my head calmed me down a bit. For the following hour after that, I anticipated the moment where my legs would just give out. The three psychos would have to understand, but they probably wouldn't… and so I just kept walking, hoping my legs wouldn't give out.
After four hours of walking, I could see the White House right up ahead. I needed a break. I thought it was over, but then we began circling the freaking Washington strip.
I thought I could give out in a place where there were no back alleyways or any place of the sort. I'd get quite a bit of attention. Maybe too much for my alternate self to handle even with two others. But I'd still be in the city… damnit. There was no way I could run either, being exhausted like hell.
Finally, after circling the Washington strip a tenth time, my alternate self told me I could sit down on a nearby park bench, but that I still couldn't eat. I took the offer and rested on the empty bench. Euphoria was all I felt for a good minute, then my adrenaline went back up.
She's letting me rest. Finally… Yes…. I'm going to die but this is worth it right now, even though it really isn't.
"Alright, now I'm going to show you something you're going to want to see," Billy said.
Oh god… another horrific video… I assume.
She held her phone in front of my eyes. It was a private Instagram live stream featuring two men who looked around my age.
"Hello, Nicole," said the one on the left. "This is your cousin, Sam."
"I'm your cousin Markus," said the one on the right.
They're my cousins? Oh, okay. What are they doing?
"We're in a room in the Niagara Falls Observatory," Sam said. "We aren't allowed to come out. We don't know why."
"We don't know who put us in here," Markus said. "Just two girls. One looked very similar to you… Your doppelganger I guess."
A boom echoed from somewhere off camera.
"What was that?" Markus asked.
Multiple booms began echoing from somewhere offscreen, getting louder and louder and louder. Sam and Markus both looked to their right. The booming stopped. A crashing noise echoed from above, followed by an avalanche-like rumble. Sam and Markus looked up, then the stream ended.
Billy navigated to a YouTube livestream of CTV news helicopter footage. A giant was looking around as missiles struck it. But a background detail caught my eye. The Falls.
What the fuck…? did she just show me a live stream of my cousins' deaths? What the hell…?
She skipped back a minute. The giant smashed the tower down, creating a plume of smoke.
Uhhhhh…
"I hope they treated you well," she said.
"Nicole?!" I shouted at my alternate self, who was standing a meter away from Billy. "That's too far!"
"It was my idea," Billy said with a huge smile on her face.
"You're a fucking psycho!" I shouted and stood up. "Were they from this timeline or my own?!"
Billy stood there with her hand on her hip, continuing to smirk. "I'm not telling you," she said. She turned around and walked away. Ian and my alternate self followed.
"Where are you going?" I shouted.
"Have fun," alternate me said as she walked away.
The three walked out of my sight. I stared on, once again wondering what the hell made them so psychotic. They're just evil versions of people. That's all I knew.
I checked the time. 6:35 PM. I sat down and teared up. I was about to be eaten by wild gut sucking creatures. A girl just executed my cousins.
I'm still trapped in this dark reality.
At least I won't have to deal with those three ever again… or anybody…
How painful is it going to be? I don't want to go out in pain… but it looks like that's going to happen.
There's no way I can get out of here before the creatures come. At least, I assume so. Wait… what if my alternate self gave me enough time to get out of DC, but wanted me to think she left me alone because the creatures would be here in a matter of minutes after he left? I was probably overthinking, but I'm not going to take that chance. I need to get out of here while I can.
I trekked in a random direction. South. I wasn't going anywhere near Dupont Underground. My heart sank at the thought of being there. But I wasn't going to stop without eating. I marched into a convenience store and bought anything I could, then I found a park bench and ate everything I had just bought. I was met with some acid reflux in my mouth due to my guts clenching at the idea I may be overthinking alternate me's possible plan, but other than that, I stomached it pretty well.
But as I was eating, I overheard a conversation a couple of people were having.
"So you think this is the end of the world?"
"Maybe. I wouldn't be surprised at this point."
A little kid began balling their eyes out.
"Mommy, he said the world is going to end!"
"The world isn't going to end… It's just going to be… changed. Different."
"Did you hear about the cluster attacks though? They're going for specific people for sure. I can't wait for this stuff to be figured out," an older voice said.
"Cluster attacks?"
"Yeah those giants hit over 6000 houses and apartment buildings all over the world around an hour ago," the older voice explained.
"Where did you hear that?"
"The news. It's crazy."
"I heard there was an attack in Pittsburgh, but not much information was given about it."
"I haven't heard anything about that attack."
None of them know… I hope they're driving out of the area right about now.
As I walked by a short orange building, an overbearing presence struck me.
"Oh no, oh god," I whispered to myself. "I hope that's all in my head."
The cars driving up the road in my direction slowed and people walking in my direction looked up. Some of them began pointing. Dread overtook me to the point I decided to stop walking. I froze. If the next creature dump was happening in seconds, I was screwed.
I kept walking, avoiding my curious urge to look where everyone was looking. Two people turned around and ran. The roaring of car motors began to get faster. I took a glance behind me. My heart stopped. Two giants stood some miles away, holding giant sack-like objects. The two giants tilt the sacks and thousands upon thousands of wild creatures fell out. As the creatures rained down, I turned my head back in the direction I was headed in and sprinted down the sidewalk.
Where do I go?
The river. Can the creatures swim? I'll take any chances.
I ran down the sidewalk, in the direction one of the rivers was in. The adrenaline was peaking. I couldn't think about anything other than survival. I ran through a small park, navigating the benches and people frozen in fear. I crossed the next street without looking at the traffic lights, I nearly tripped over chairs, I almost bumped into people running from my right. I ran that way for seven blocks straight, almost being hit by a car three times. I carefully navigated across a main street. As I crossed the street, air raid sirens began to blair from all directions. I found a one way road to my left and just sprinted for my life.
Hopefully the river is close.
At the end of the road was a parking lot. Nobody was there. I sprinted across it until I found a trail. Down the trail, I saw the river. Boats too. I ran along the trail and saw a spot away from the boats to jump into the water. A couple explosions shook the ground beneath me as I ran. I hopped over the fence and jumped into the water.
I swam until I got to the middle of the river. I glanced around. Everything seemed calm and normal in all directions until a loud bang hit my right ear. I looked to my right and saw a cloud of smoke rising from a triple arched bridge in the distance. People jumped off the bridge and landed in the river below. The air raid sirens continued to blair as fighter jets flew by in the distance. I just needed to stay in the river until the creature invasion blew over.
I looked to my right and saw two creatures crawl across the building beside the parking lot I ran through. Three creatures ran onto the pier. The adrenaline worsened.
Time to find out if these beasts can swim.
They ran around and jumped onto some of the boats. A painful scream echoed from one of them. A man was stumbling around with a creature attached to his head and stomach. He pulled on its tentacles, but they held their grasp. He nudged himself sideways into the water. Seconds later, the creature started squirming around in the water, with its tentacles flailing about. I shivered. It was a terrifying sight. The man floated on the surface, shaking his head and moving his arms as if he were a bird. Soon the creature stopped moving and just floated in one spot like a dingy.
I'm good. But how long will it be until the military clears them? I'll just have to wait.
Explosions, gunshots, and emergency sirens from every direction, along with the roar of fighter jets flying overhead, were all I could hear. I couldn't hear the waves washing up against my own ears, or the sound of my own voice. I decided to play those songs in my head again to pass the time. I played other songs in my head too, all while hoping some soldiers would see me, then rescue me.
After a good amount of time in the water, the sounds of explosions seemed to be concentrated on an area to the north. I could only speculate it was the government strip. I looked to my right again and noticed a dozen creatures were occupying the pier.
This wasn't getting better anytime in the next hour. Hopefully I'll be in the clear soon. Once I am, I need to make sure my alternate self cannot find me.
At one point, I woke up to me being pulled out of the water by some Marines. They put me on a boat and asked me some questions, then they gave me some water. After the rescue, they took me to a refugee camp somewhere in southern Virginia. I was given food, water, and my own little room with a bunk bed. I sat down on the bed, hoping I'd be safe from the creatures. I unzipped my pocket and pulled out my phone to read up on the creature dump in Washington DC. These were the top headlines on CNN, for those curious:
"WILD CREATURES OCCUPY DC METRO AREA"
"All branches of the US Armed Forces are responding to the attack on Washington - Yes, even the Space Force as the US speculates the giants are of extraterrestrial origin"
"Images from above: the White House, US Capitol moderately damaged by wild creatures"
"Five major politicians, 2 billionaires, and 1 celebrity confirmed dead in Washington DC after Creature Dump"
""Nuclear weapons aren't likely to be used, but they have not been ruled out""
"Pennsylvania, Virginia set up refugee camps for predicted mini-flood of refugees from EMP-striken, gassed parts of Ohio, Kentucky, and West Virginia"
"Global Recession: Why economists are torn on whether or not the economy will return to pre-attack levels"
"Refugees from Florida EMP Bubbles: "We went into town after the gassing and we saw people and animals on the ground, everywhere""
""We need FEMA" EMP Bubble refugees who are staying in their states criticize their state governments for not declaring an emergency"
"MILITARY: There's no way to protect any type of technology from an EMP Bubble"
A guy with brown hair who looked to be in his early 20s walked into the room. He introduced himself as my roommate. We talked about the attacks and their potential ramifications.
"I don't know what's next for the world," I said. "I'm scared."
"We're going to be at war for a while," he said. "Good vs bad. We need to ready ourselves for what's to come. Everything is different now."
"I mean, at this point, I'd just end it if I didn't feel like I had a chance to survive this new world," I said. "Especially being in the initial attacks… I thought about ending it a few times."
"So you're a coward?" He asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Why would you leave people behind to suffer?"
"I'm not the one making them suffer"
"Yes you are… by killing yourself… people want you around…"
"Dude… nobody owns me. Do you think I'm a slave or something? People shouldn't be relying on others for their happiness."
"You are so stupid"
"Are you that entitled? Do you feel you need to treat people like entertainment animals? People are individuals. They're not your Mom's nipples either."
"I just… can't with selfish people like you"
"Honestly, if you can't respect others' choices and call victims cowards, you're just like the monsters and their little gut eating creatures."
"I don't understand why you'd support selfish people," he said. "You're like my ex-girlfriend."
"Maybe if you respected her individualism more, accepted the fact that mental health issues exist, talked about and validated her issues, she wouldn't have done it."
"Oh, okay, so you're okay with what those Empire State Building jumpers did?"
"Yes," I said. "They acted on survival instincts. It was either get eaten or jump."
"A real person would fight!"
"Survival instincts don't exist to you, do they?"
"I'm not talking to you, man," he said, climbing up to his bunk.
He had me until the victim blaming. Anyway, I went back to reading the news and reminded myself I'm not responsible for other people. Sometime after that, I went to sleep. Sometime later, I woke up to the sound of gunshots and shouting. I looked out the window. Two of those hideous creatures crawled by. I closed the curtains. I checked the news, hoping there wasn't another creature dump nearby.
"A COUPLE DOZEN WILD CREATURES REPORTED OUTSIDE DC METRO AREA"
"US East Coast on high alert as wild creatures make it past military checkpoints around DC Metro Area"
"Security video from Philadelphia captures creature that came from DC Metro area"
""V-BASCBHOB-TJCPSZAMDLSA-IKPJJ-HBCHLL" The FBI is investigating the string of letters scratched into the Washington Monument by the creatures"
"OPINION: After a week of teasing, it's the US' turn to fall"
I want out of this painful chaotic dark reality. Maybe there's a slip nearby. It probably wouldn't take me back to my home reality, but anything would be better than this. I've been to dark realities, like one where there was a third world war in the 1960s followed by a fourth world war in the 2010s, in which technology was a bit more advanced, but Eastern Europe and the Eastern United States were irradiated. There was a darker reality where giants attacked multiple metropolitan areas around the world. EMPs were used, but they weren't EMP Bubbles. People were crying, hoping their friends were okay. It was more mysterious, with every initial attack happening within the darkened areas. It started in New Zealand, South Korea, and Japan. Then it spread west to the US in about a day.
Something heavy banged on the door. Shit… I opened the window, clawed the screen apart, and climbed out. I stepped onto the grass, then I sprinted away. I needed to find the gate. It was probably guarded, but I could find a way somehow. Not to sound too optimistic.
The gate was up ahead. There were three dead soldiers lying on the ground around it. After navigating my way through it, I sprinted across the street and into a dense forest.
Half an hour into running, my knees became weak again. I sat down up against a tree to catch my breath. I must've relaxed for a bit too long, as I essentially just blinked and the sun was shining and birds were chirping. I checked the time. 8:02 AM. I checked the news. There were no new updates.
Where do I go now?
There was no place for me to go that I knew of. Slips weren't extremely common. They weren't active 24/7 either. Until I found one, I had to deal with the possibility of being crushed, gassed, or eaten. I didn't expect my alternate self to find me. I was outside of the DC Metro area. To him, I could be anywhere.
Unless of course she tapped my phone… but she most likely would've shown up by now if he had. Knowing me, he probably would've gone to a reality where I famously snuck out of the refugee camp and my steps were publicly retraced, then he'd use that information to find me. Looks like I just need to walk in a direction that is almost one I'd go in but is not one I'd go in, in this situation. I chose to walk in the direction of the ocean.
As I walked, a bird flew right by me. I watched it fly away, then vanish out of thin air.
Yes!
I went over to the spot with a good adrenaline rush coming on. I pulled out my phone and pulled up Reuters. I refreshed the page. The headlines were still about the giants. I walked back and forth once a minute for some time, clamping the leaves to the ground in the process. The headlines were the same. I was desperate, but I dreaded my alternate self finding me. I layed on the dirty ground, letting the leaves brush against my hair. Every few minutes or so, I'd refresh the page and there would still be news about the giants. I wanted to be home, where everything is safe, peaceful, and quiet compared to this place. I didn't want to hear another boom or a certain growl again.
A number of minutes later, I checked the news again.
"Russia warns US over Black Sea drone flights"
"No path to peace: 5 key takeaways from Xi and Putin's talks in Moscow"
"Russian soldier accused of war crimes in absentia after audio files intercepted"
There was nothing about the giant attacks. The headlines were normal again! I slipped! But did I slip into the right reality? A safe one?
I Googled the attacks. Only movie scenes and recaps came up. I had to be home. I had to be far away from wherever my alternate self was. My heart dropped for a second as I realized one of those creatures was roaming around in what may be our reality… I'm sure it'll be taken care of. I hope it's taken care of soon though. It's going to eat a few people for sure, and I hope I'm not one of them.
I got distracted by the sound of an animal moving through the bush beside me. I brought my head up and saw the head of a tentacled creature. It sat still on the side of the bush. Its tentacles brush against the dirt. I laid my head back down. My heart began to speed up as the thing sat there. If it saw me, I would have no chance of living for another minute. The leaves served as a barrier between it and I. I couldn't see it when laying down and it couldn't see me at its height.
"Hey!" A man shouted from some distance further to my left. "Are you alright over there?"
The leaves ruffled. The man looked down in confusion, then he jumped. As he began to turn around, the creature climbed onto him. He fell to the ground as the creature's tentacles grabbed his arms and chest. He screamed. The scream was gut wrenching, but at least this was my ticket out. I got up and ran as fast as I could through the bushes and trees around me. Once I came across a road, I took a left and continued sprinting. My heart was pounding out of my chest. At one point, I came across a river. I stood still on the shoreline, hoping that thing wasn't about to jump out of the bushes. I turned around. Nothing.
I went to my Reddit account and found my previous update. I'm back. I'm going to dump this update here, then hopefully I'll find a good place to stay while running. If I go back home to my parents, I'm going to need a defense mechanism. My alternate self wanted me to be in that dark terrifying reality. She probably doesn't know I'm still alive.
Oh, and if you live in or around Richmond, Virginia… stay safe. The creature moves fast and, as you know, it eats your guts.
Now I hear three familiar voices. I need to run.

Nakuhanan na ko ng ID lately and nakapagbigay na rin ako ng promissory note for my bleached hair. Nagpa salon ako somewhere near ust lang and now na hinugasan ko, the color faded from black to a darker brown 🥹
May mga rants kasi dito sa reddit na brown yung hair pero kinukuhanan pa rin ng id 😭 im scared pero i wont be able to afford another salon appointment anytime soon. Okay na kaya yung Level 2-3 hair color? or kailangan black talaga?

Apologies, it's a little long.
I recently had a facial at a salon, and was told I have dehydrated skin (agree totally - I don't drink anywhere near enough water), which causes my pores to increase in size and produce more oil to compensate.
The suggested product was an AHA cleanser.
I also have milea immediately below my lower lashes, and the suggested product was a gentle eye serum with retinol, as well as not using anything too heavy / thick.
I think my first thing to work on is drinking more water. But other than that, do I need to change some of my routine? I'm almost 50, rarely get pimples, and have very minimal wrinkles. I don't wear any makeup most days.
AM: Cleanser (only used in the shower when washing my hair, a habit from when i used to wash my hair every day): Sukin Purely Ageless Micro Exfoliating Cleanser Otherwise wash face with cold water. Serum: Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair (recent addition) Moisturiser: Sukin Purely Ageless Rejuvinating Day Cream Sunscreen: usually Neutrogena Hydroboost Water Gel
PM: Cleaner: Garnier Micellar Water Serum: Either Antipodes Glow Ritual Vitamin C Serum or Go-To Much Plumper Skin with Hyaluronic Acid Moisturiser: Sukin Purely Ageless Restorative Night Cream
Once a week I use the Derma E Vitamin C Instant Radiance Citrus Peel (recent addition).
Thanks in advance!

Note: As I said I want to take my time with this story and write it in better quality ("book alike") with bigger chapters and more characters development and world building. Enjoy this chapter!
Prologue Chapter 1 Prev Next
*****
Karina stepped through the portal for the second time that day, emerging in a bustling square in the heart of Aharedun, the capital city of the Kingdom of Aranthia. Unlike the portal to Thalassar, this one was noticeably smaller and less blurry, allowing Karina to clearly see the guards standing on the other side of the shimmering energy field. They wore their imposing grayish armor, their eyes trained on the group of travelers that had just arrived.
Leading the way was Prince Kaelen, who beckoned Karina and their new Viluna companions to follow him into the city. As they made their way through the square, Karina couldn't help but marvel at the sights and sounds around her. The buildings were unlike anything she had ever seen on Earth, with towering spires and ornate decorations adorning every surface. The air was thick with the scent of exotic spices and the sound of alien music that made her toes tap in rhythm.
The crowd that had gathered to greet them was diverse, made up of Thalassarians they already met and several others, she wasn’t sure if they were other species or races.
Her attention was drawn to a particular figure in the crowd, a small creature with dark-green skin and carapaces on its body. It wore a bright yellow toga and had a face that was humanoid but with distinct differences. Its nose was small and almost imperceptible, and it had no hair on its head. Karina couldn't help but stare, fascinated by this strange being.
Before she could take in more of her surroundings, Prince Kaelen stepped forward and made a gesture opening both of his hands and waving his head from one side to other, prompting the crowd to follow suit. Karina wasn't sure if it was a greeting or a bow, but she joined in, copying the movement.
"Welcome, citizens of Aharedun and visitors from afar!" Prince Kaelen announced to the crowd. "We are honored to have these new guests among us, the Humans! We will be taking them to the Royal Palace to show them more of our city tonight and in the coming days. In the meantime, please enjoy the festivities and explore our wonderful city!"
The crowd erupted into applause, and Karina felt a sense of warmth and hospitality from the Thalassarians, she wasn’t sure what she expected once they came here, but this was a welcome sight. As they followed Prince Kaelen down the bustling street, she took in more of the sights and sounds around her, feeling a sense of adventure and excitement building within her. She couldn't wait to see what other wonders this world had in store for her.
They walked stone-cobbled streets towards the big Palace prompted on one of the hills that surrounded the city. The whole time Karina and the humans were escorted by the legion of guards and the hooded figures appeared every once in a while on the corners or on top of the buildings.
“How many people live here?” Karina asked her Viluna which was hovering near her shoulder.
“Around five hundred thousand,” Viluna answered with a squeaky voice.
“Is that a lot in Thalassar or?” Karina asked curiously.
“It’s on a bigger spectrum, but that are larger cities, Aranthia has three bigger cities, but this their capital due to its geopolitical position.” A little speck of flittering light answered. “Which city are you from back on Earth?” The little creature asked her.
“I was born in Moscow,” Karina answered.
“Ahh, we have heard of it in our brief time on Earth,” Viluna answered.
“What?” Karina was shocked. “You have been on Earth? When?” She asked.
“We have visited once the portal was open,” Viluna answered. “We are curious creatures, drawn to new things.”
“How come no one saw you?” Karina asked looking at the Viluna as it flown around her head.
“We can’t take physical or any form on that matter on Earth.” The creature said. “See on our moon we have a physical form, down here on Thalassar we are like this, but once we went through the portal we became nothing but a flicker in the air, barely visible if you knew what you were looking for.” The creature said changing its colors.
“So, why are you here and with us if you can just go to Earth and learn all about us from the shadows?” Karina asked.
“Well, it’s not that simple. Since we can not find any form on Earth, we can’t stay long there, no more than an hour at a time and once we get back it takes us long time to recover.” Viluna explained.
Karina furrowed her brows, trying to understand. “Why is that?”
“We start to lose ourselves if we stay longer. Our minds can’t work right without a form. If we were to stay longer, we would probably cease to exist, as our minds would get lost completely,” Viluna said, changing colors.
“Hmm,” Karina said thinking. “You are weird little creatures. We will talk more tonight, I want to take in all the sights now.” With that said the little creature buzzed above her head.
They had almost reached the big palace during their conversation, only a big flight of rounding stone stairs was between them and an enormous gate at the top of the hill.
“Up we go humans,” Prince Kaelen said and started climbing.
They made their way up the grand staircase, their footsteps echoing against the stone steps. Karina looked around in awe at the view of the city that was unfolding before her. She could see the different districts and neighborhoods of Aharedun, each with its own unique architecture and vibe. She noticed a few towering buildings that stood out from the rest, in her mind those belonged to the nobility or wealthy merchants.
As they reached the top of the stairs, they were met with the sight of the enormous gate, decorated with intricate carvings and symbols that Karina couldn't decipher. The gate was guarded by two large statues of armored soldiers riding unfamiliar beasts, their swords raised and ready to strike. The guards opened the gates, and they stepped into a wide courtyard, filled with lush greenery and fountains.
The palace itself was an impressive structure, with several wings and towers reaching up toward the sky. The walls were made of a white stone that shimmered in the sunlight, and the windows were adorned with colorful stained glass. Karina could see balconies and terraces on the upper floors buzzing with people looking down at their new guests.
Prince Kaelen stood and faced the crown. “Welcome to Royal Palace,” He said opening his arms to show the majestic structure spreading on three sides around them. “It’s been built by my family some four hundred years ago and had been our home ever since.”
As Kaelen talked Karina took her time to take in the marvelous Palace. She was struck by the sheer grandeur of the architecture. Towering pillars rose up from the ground, supporting massive arches and intricate carvings that adorned every inch of the Palace's façade. The gardens were a sight to behold as well, with an array of exotic flowers and plants that seemed to glow in the sunlight. Karina could hear the soft babbling of a nearby fountain, which was surrounded by a group of playful Thalassarian children who were splashing around in the water.
Karina took few steps away from the group and noticed the bustling activity of the Thalassarians as they tended to the upkeep of the Palace and its grounds. Some were meticulously cleaning the pavement, making sure that every stone was spotless. Others were hard at work, trimming and pruning the greenery so that it maintained its shape and beauty. Karina couldn't help but admire the dedication and attention to detail that the Thalassarians put into their work.
Despite their busy schedules, the Thalassarians still found time to take in the sights and sounds of the Palace. Karina observed that they often stopped to exchange greetings and friendly banter with one another, even as they went about their tasks. And yet, whenever opportunity arose, the Thalassarians couldn't help but steal glances in the direction of humans. It was clear that they were curious about the visitors.
“This will be your home for the next year, or until you wish to get reassigned to another part of the program.” Kaelen said finishing speech. “There will be a maid so to say or someone to be of your assistance for each of assigned on top of your Vilunas to make your lives in palace easier. Go ahead enter the east wing of the palace and you will find your rooms at the second and third floor.”
Karina's heart skipped a beat as she stepped into the Palace, her eyes wide open as she tried to take in the grandeur of the interior. The entryway was dominated by a massive chandelier, but she noticed that instead of light bulbs, it was adorned with floating spheres of light that illuminated the entire room in a soft, warm white glow. The walls were painted in a rich shade of yellow, resembling the color of the ocean, while the marble floors were decorated with intricate patterns that seemed the follow the motives from their uniforms.
As she followed the grand hallway, she passed by rooms that were equally lush and rich. She couldn't help but marvel at the fine artwork that adorned the walls, the intricate tapestries that hung from the ceiling, and the luxurious furniture that filled each room. It was like nothing she had ever seen before.
Climbing at the third floor she arrived at her room. It was just as grand as the rest of the Palace, with a large four-poster bed draped in luxurious silks, a writing desk made of rare woods, and a balcony that offered a stunning view of the gardens below.
As Karina was lost in thought, the sound of the door opening startled her. She turned to see a young Thalassarian woman with strikingly unique eyes. They were a deep purple with a faint glow, an unmistakable characteristic of the Thalassarians. Karina guessed her to be in her early twenties, but it was hard to tell with them yet.
The woman's beauty was undeniable, but there was also an awkwardness about her that made her all the more endearing. She stood there nervously, clasping her hands together, as she spoke in a soft voice, "Mistress, my name is Nereia. I have been assigned to assist you during your stay here."
Karina couldn't help but smile at the young woman's formal address, "Please, call me Karina. And it's a pleasure to meet you, Nereia."
Nereia let out a small sigh of relief, "Thank you, Karina. If you'll allow me, I'll show you around and help you with anything you need during your stay here. How do you like your room?" Nereia asked.
“I love it, it’s beautiful,” Karina answered truthfully. “It’s all very overwhelming, but it’s grandiose, to say the least,” Karina said with a friendly smile.
Nereia returned the smile, her faintly glowing eyes sparkling in the light. "I'm glad you like it. Well, the Royal Family is known for its luxurious style.” She said. “Is there anything else you need before I leave you to settle in?"
Karina shook her head, "No, I think I'm good for now. Thank you again, Nereia."
“I will be back later with a gown for the welcome feast tonight, you make yourself comfortable and call me if you need anything,” Nereia left and closed the door behind her.
Moments later Karina stepped out onto the terrace, taking in the sweet scent of blooming flowers and the sound of trickling water from the nearby fountain. She noticed Viluna, her sparkling companion, floating nearby.
"Hey,” Karina said, smiling at her companion. “I was wondering if you could tell me about how magic works. That’s one of the things we humans are the most curious about."
Viluna beamed back at Karina. "It won’t be that simple I am afraid, Karina. Magic is a complex and powerful force that is present in all living things. It's the energy that flows through us and connects us to the world around us."
“Why it won’t be that simple?” Karina asked curiously.
“Well, that’s amongst few things we are not allowed to share with you humans yet,” It said.
“What? Why?” Karina asked. “Aren’t you here to share the knowledge with us?”
“Yes, we are. But it was in the deal we made with the Prince,” Viluna said floating near her head. “The King himself requested we don’t share that knowledge yet, at least not to the full extent. I will answer some of the basic questions and I am sure you will find a lot on your own talking to other Thalassarians, but for now, we are not allowed to explain in detail.”
“Why did he request that?” Karina continued her barrage of questions.
“Because he is afraid that if we give out all of our knowledge you will be able to use it against them if you ever decide to invade again,” Viluna said the explanation made sense to Karina. “But don’t worry if the program goes well I am sure all the knowledge between the two worlds will be shared eventually as the trust grows.”
“Hmm,” Karina frowned. “Makes sense I guess. What can you share now then?” She was persistent.
“Well, All I can tell you is that most of the Thalassarians can cast some of the magic, or at least have to ability to learn it. But to those that can only access simple spells like creating a light sphere, it means nothing. I don’t know if I can find a perfect comparison, but it’s like all of you know how to read and write, but it doesn’t make you special in your own world.”
“Hmm, I don’t know if it’s a great analogy, but I think I get it,” Karina said sitting back in the comfortable chair on the corner of the terrace. “ What else can you share? Where does the magic come from?”
“Hmm, not sure,” Viluna said in a soft voice. “The source of the magic comes to from the moons of Thalassar. There are thirteen of them orbiting the planet and each one of them provides a person with a specific power. Every being born on Thalassar has a connection with at least one and that’s how they are able to make basic spells like light spheres, a small burst of fire, heal minor wounds, and so on.” Viluna spoke and danced around Karina’s head as she listened carefully.
“More skilled mages, healers, enchanters, and so on, have a connection to several moons and use their powers to create and cast unique spells. Even to this day people are able to think of new ways to cast and create new spells. It’s way more complex than that, but it’s all I am able to share for now, that information you can gather by asking almost anyone on the street and it can’t hurt the kingdom.”
“Woah, that’s interesting,” Karina said her eyes full of wonder. “Can someone have a connection to all of the moons?” Karina asked curiously.
“No, that’s unheard of,” Viluna answered landing on her knee. “Powerful magic users most have around five to six connections, the highest anyone ever had was ten, but it is more a myth than a confirmed fact, we don’t have any evidence that Xandros the Second had that ability.”
“Hmm,” Karina said taking in everything her little companion shared with her. “I am sorry, I just realized I never asked you for your name.”
“We Viluna’s don’t have names, but you are free to name me and call me whatever you like,”
“Ok, how about Lumina,” Karina asked right away. “Don’t know why but that name suits you.”
“I like it,” Lumina said her form shifting slightly.
Karina continued to ask a question to Lumina as she overlooked the busy gardens of the Royal Palace. An hour had passed in a blink and a knock from a door cut their conversation.
“Excuse me, Mistress Karina,” a soft voice said with a polite tone. “It’s Nereia, I brought your gown.”
Karina opened the door and welcomed the girl with a warm smile. “Come on in,” She said opening the door wide.
“I am afraid I can’t, they need us down to get everything ready for the feast tonight.” She said. “Here is your gown, get ready and I will come to get you in less than an hour and lead you towards the banquet hall.” Nereia handed her the gown and left.
Karina looked at the gown in awe as she held it in her hands, without hesitation she put the gown on. It was a beautiful, flowing creation made of the finest silk, with intricate embroidery and beading in shades of turquoise and silver. The sleeves were sheer, with delicate lace trimming, and the bodice hugged her curves before cascading down into a billowing skirt that trailed behind her as she walked.
It wasn’t her style at all, she was more of street clothes kinda a girl, but looking at herself in the mirror, she was blown away. She made a few turns looking at the dress from all angles. This kind of dress would cost her fortune back on earth. She found a few silver clips on the desk and styled her hair as best she could to go along with the dress.
A few moments later, Nereia arrived at the door, dressed in a lovely gown of her own, visibly less luxurious than the one Karina got. "You look stunning, Mistress Karina," she said with a smile. "Are you ready to go?"
Karina nodded, feeling a bit nervous but excited as well. She followed Nereia down the hallway, her long gown trailing behind her as they made their way toward the banquet hall. As they walked, Karina couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the palace once again. Every inch of it was adorned with intricate carvings, sparkling jewels, and delicate tapestries.
Finally, they arrived at the banquet hall. The hall was massive, with soaring ceilings, glittering chandeliers, and walls adorned with shimmering gold decorations. The tables were covered in rich, embroidered cloths, and gleaming silverware sparkled in the light of the glowing spheres floating above the table.
The guests were already arriving, each one more elegantly dressed than the last. They were all talking and laughing, their voices echoing off the grand walls of the hall. Karina felt a bit intimidated, but Nereia squeezed her arm reassuringly.
"Don't worry, Mistress Karina," she whispered. "I know feasts like these can look intimidating, but you humans are the stars of the show."
With that, she led Karina toward their assigned table where most of the humans would sit this evening. Nereia took a seat next to her and on the other side, she recognized a girl from their program wearing a similar gown.
“Hey,” Karina said softly. “How are taking all of this?”
“Hey Karina, it’s overwhelming, but everything is beautiful so far, can’t complain,” Clarissa answered. “How about you?”
“Same,” Karina answered and they continued with small talk before the soft music that was playing stopped and people started standing up. Nereia slowly tugged at her arm pointing for the stand as well. Seconds later prince Kaelen walked into the hall with a beautiful woman under his arm. She was stunningly beautiful, with long golden hair that cascaded down her back in loose waves. Her dress was a shimmering ivory color, with delicate beading that sparkled in the candlelight.
Karina couldn't help but notice the intricate braids woven into the woman's hair, forming an elegant and intricate pattern that must have taken hours to create. Her makeup was subtle, but enhanced her natural beauty, with a soft pink lip and just a touch of blush on her cheeks.
“That’s Zaya, Kaelen’s bride-to-be,” Nereia said.
“She is beautiful,” Karina answered truthfully.
“Yes, she is amongst the most beautiful women in the kingdom. Kaelen chose her instead of marrying someone from his family provided in order to establish better relations with other kingdoms. It was a big deal at the time, but that’s prince Kaelen, he always does what he wants.” Nereia explained and Karina just nodded looking at the stunning couple.
“What’s the prince like?” Karina asked.
“He always stood out from the Royal Family. He is a bit eccentric, he likes to party, and travel, and isn’t really that much interested in Family matters.” Nereia said as the couple took a seat at the main table. “Bringing you guys here with this Citizens Exchange program is his way of proving his worth to the kingdom and his family.”
“How so?” Karina asked curiously.
“He doesn’t believe in his family policy of war and old-style politics. He believes both planets could benefit from each other if we set our differences aside and work together. The King was not for this program at all, but the prince managed to convince him otherwise with the help of his Mother.” Karina nodded in understanding and minutes later waiters started serving dinner.
Karina was serving a weird purple-looking fruit or vegetable, she wasn’t sure. “What’s this?” She asked Nereia.
“That’s Nemoryn fruit, it’s one of the best delicates in the Thalassar and only grown on one small island,” Nereia said. “It’s usually served only on big banquets and before the main course as this fruit is known to open the appetite and help dissolve the rest of the food easier.”
“And how do you eat it?” Karina asked poking at the fruit with her knife.
Neremia chuckled softly. “You cut off top and the bottom and then peel the leathery exterior.”
Karina did as told and the inside revealed a pink, jelly-like inside that was filled with small, edible seeds.
“You can eat it all, it’s ok to eat it with the spoon,” Nereia said.
Karina nodded and took her spoon taking a bite out of the fruit. It was soft and crunchy at the same time with a mild, sweet, and subtly bitter flavor. It began to melt into a liquid inside her mouth and the taste reminded of lime and coconut mixed together.
“Woah, this is delicious,” Karina said and took another bite. “Your food is truly amazing.”
Nereia smiled. “Yes it is, but you also are getting the best of the best, keep that in mind.” She said with a smile and Karina nodded her mouth full of delicious fruit.
The rest of the banquet went as expected, they ate amazing food, Karina made small talk with the rest of the humans, and spent most of the night chatting with Nereia, who proved to be rather curious about humans once she loosened up. Prince Kaelen provided them with a whole night of entertainment, dancers, actors, and entertainers took turns at the podium as the night went away.
Deep into the night when the feast was nearing its end, a loud explosion was heard from the outside and bright light emanated deep from the city which could be seen through the open terrace on one side of the banquet hall. Karina ran towards the terrace but the guards were already at the door prohibiting anyone to exit. Karina managed to peer through the cracks in their massive armor and saw a big flame at the part of the city where they walked earlier in the day.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am sure it’s nothing.” Prince Kaelen said with a stern voice. “Please leave for your rooms we have our people already investigating the source of the explosion. You will be informed of what happened as soon as we know.” He said and left the banquet hall in the hurry.
Nereia escorted Karina to her room and helped her unzip the dress before she left. Karina sank into a soft bed and her mind started racing with everything that happened today, but before the thought could consume her, tiredness took over and she sank into a deep sleep.
She was awakened by the commotion outside her terrace early in the morning. She ran and looked outside and saw Prince Kaelen talking with a man in a uniform she hasn’t seen so far, he had dozens of soldiers at his side. She quickly got dressed into the clothes she came in and went downstairs to look for Nereia.
“What’s going on?” Karina asked as she found the young girl sitting at the bench in the garden.
“Mistress Karina, you are awake,” Nereia said with a smile.
Karina could sense something was off, so she asked again. “What’s going on?”
“I am afraid nothing good,” Nereia said with a worried look on her face. “One of the ships transporting humans was attacked and destroyed last night at the open see.” She said bowing her head down.
“Which one?” Karina asked her heart racing.
“The one transporting your people to military camps,” Nereia said.
Karina’s heart sank in her chest with the realization that it was Liam’s ship. She almost fainted but Nereia took her by arm and helped her sit on the bench. First the explosion last night, then the ship, something was off and it made Karina have almost a full-blown panic attack, but her worry was focused on Liam now, she needed to find out what happened to him and if he was ok.
*****
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Did anyone else just hear a loud bang near Brunswick East / Northcote area?

Please note I'm using a throwaway as my gender is left ambiguous on my main account and I also don't want details of this story to be read by people in real life who may know my username. I'm pretty nervous to type this out, this may get long.
I don't know why it's taken me so long to talk about this. I've been stuck in a frozen fog state for the last four months, unable to discuss anything to anyone related to December 2022. I've had multiple bad things happen to me that month, this post is only about the first incident (the second is unrelated). At first, I wasn't sure if there was anything I could do to fix this situation, but now I need to talk about it just to get it out of my hair.
I go on plane or road trips every year to eastern Tennessee (near Knoxville) to visit my family. My widowed grandmother is getting on up there and every year could be the last, my mother gets frazzled caring for her and likes the company, my sister misses me and her nephew has become a cute and lively toddler, so I really push myself to make sure I come down to visit every year. I have lived in Tennessee before and eventually clawed my way back to my home state because I HATE being there. I never told them it's because of my status as a bisexual, dysphoric genderfluid, and very non-Christian pot smoker. I never had to because the family hates it there too, but my conservative Baptist grandma is insistent on staying.
Most of the time, I'm able to put up with the little inconveniences of traveling for the sake of seeing them. The past couple of years have stressed me out mainly because as soon as I'm over there, I'll hear my grandma and mother complain about trans people. They know next to fucking nothing about the trans struggle except what bullshit stories FOX news tells them. They'll sit in their comforters and complain almost like they're trying to start a fight with me; instead I just give them the "I did not pay a $350 plane ticket to listen to you two gripe" cold stare until they snap out of it enough to move to the next subject. I have put up with this shit for so long because they're Family with a capital F, and grandma only has so much time, right? Can't I just tolerate their issues an eensy bit for the sake of making a few more special memories?
December 2022 is my limit. My straw done broke. I'm not going down again, and this time I told them why. During my last visit, near midnight on a Thursday, my boyfriend and I were returning to our AirBNB outside Knoxville after having dinner with the family. The road we take to get there began with a gas station/Food City grocery outlet, so my boyfriend asked if we could stop and get gas before we head back. It's on the way, quick in and out, no biggie, right? He swished around the empty parking lot and slid into the gas station. I decided to walk over to a kiosk by the gas pumps to buy us some sodas.
As soon as I turned around, I saw two police cars parked by the pumps, with a couple men talking to my boyfriend. I first assumed they were warning us about some rando on the loose. I found out they were upset with my boyfriend's driving even though he didn't do anything illegal. They asked if we were from around here and I told them I was visiting family. They got suspicious because our rental car has a Tennessee license plate (it was rented off tan app). So we show them the proof of the rental as they're checking out our IDs. I wasn't scared at first but I was wary of them, as even though me and my family are whiter than a padded cell, the cops in east TN seem to have made a habit of harassing and framing us for various stupid reasons.
So we gave them all the proof they needed, figuring we'd get off with a warning. Nope! One of the guys comes back from his car with our IDs, handing one to my boyfriend. He looks at me and says, "can you step aside for one moment so we can have a word with you?" My heart rate started spiking as I let him speak. "Why is your ID coming up as someone else?" They mentioned someone with a name that rhymes with my name, living somewhere in West Virginia, which I live nowhere near. I tell them I only go to WV as a thru-way to TN while driving road trips. They were getting increasingly irate with me, accusing me of falsifying my state ID that I've had for years with no issue. "Well, you're coming up as someone else and you're going to need to give us an explanation," he went on.
AND THEN HERE COMES THE FUN PART HOLY SHIT. The part that's had my head flying for several months now. He sauntered up to me and asked me wryly, "so... what's your story? Hm? Be honest: are you really a man?" Not, " Are you changing your name, have you not updated your ID?" etcetc. No, he SPECIFICALLY asked me if I was a transgender woman within moments of accusing me of impersonation. Mind you, I'm assigned female at birth with long hair, but dressed in men's clothes. I'm trans but have not transitioned, I simply dress and behave in a nonconforming manner. If I took a picture of myself right now, or even from that day, and threw it up in some random part of the Internet, I'd be called at best a tomboyish woman by most people. They supposedly had my ID mixed up with some other woman from West Virginia. So why in the actual fuck was their first question, "Did you use to be a man?"
I am not in any way offended to be confused for being a transwoman, except when it's COPS doing this. Part of me wanted to answer with my usual blunt honesty, "well, technically, I would like to identify as a dude or as nonbinary on my ID, except I haven't worked that out yet legally, you are free to use pronouns he/him please be nice mkay thanks" but I just knew I'd get myself into real trouble by muddying the waters like that. So I begrudgingly said no, I'm not, I was born female. They kept fucking smirking at me while raising their voice, like "are you sure? Because if we find out you're lying to us, we can have you arrested for false impersonation right now. We could have you put in jail by tonight."
So I'm losing it internally. He decided to do one final test to prove my womanly innocence, by taking a photo of my face and running it through some "national facial recognition database". At this point, my boyfriend didn't know why the cop was talking to and taking a picture of me and started freaking out as well, but I couldn't answer him. All I thought was, "if this supposed database glitches the way their tech glitched while scanning my ID, they literally could throw me in jail for doing nothing." But somehow, after taking the picture and waiting a few seconds they immediately went 180º, told us that we were fine, and shooed us away without letting us ask who they were or getting a solid picture of their license plates (we got one pic but the plate is too blurry to read).
We got back to the AirBNB in panic mode and my boyfriend calls the sheriff's dept mainly just to help calm my nerves but also to find out more about what happened. They told him something random about me having a protection order (even though I shouldn't have any reason to have one), which was what caused their malfunction, and hung up on him. So did they mistake me for an abused woman on the run? I later realized my ID didn't have an updated street address to match my current residence, which hasn't been an issue literally anywhere else, but I theorized that it's why the card must have glitched in their system. We could not make any sense of it either way, so we just shut down emotionally so we could brave the rest of the trip. I never wanted to get back home faster than that night. I've taken trippin mushrooms in the past and did not experience the same level of reality distortion that this encounter gave me.
I still don't know if there's anything we can really do to figure out or amend this situation. I don't know if what they did was entirely permissible or not, there's so much that doesn't make sense to me. Are these kind of stops frequent with people in that area? How many people have been falsely accused of impersonating someone else during a routine traffic stop? Was the card reading error genuine? Was it because of my address listed? Was it because they confused me for a wanted endangered woman with a protection order? Why did they seem so fixated on the idea of me being a transwoman, why did I feel like I needed to prove them of my birth gender of all things? Is there an actual facial recognition database system in America, if so then how the fuck does that work at verifying my identity? Are they attempting to get a record of every trans and gender nonconforming person on hand? Am I reading too deeply into my memory of that night, or is this a sign of something serious?
I haven't said anything about this incident for months, thinking there was nothing we could do to argue with these cops. It's better to avoid them if you can. But having seen wave after wave of anti-trans and anti-drag legislation coming out recently, I realized I needed to vent and to possibly warn anyone who's living near that area to NOT GO TO THE COPS IF YOU CAN HELP IT. Even if you're cis, if you're a short haired woman or a man with an effeminate gait, you're possibly gonna get fucked over by these cops. Your identity as cisgender does not keep you safe. And trans people, I probably don't need to say this, but I will also remind y'all to STAY THE FUCK AWAY from east TN cops starting today.
I told my family about this and they just handwaved it, saying "that's just how cops are down here, can't trust them." They don't seem to be too concerned, but I feel like there's so much more going on. And I refuse to go back to the state until there's some kind of massive breakthrough to overcome the rampant transphobia seeping in. I feel so lucky to be able to stay out of that goddamned kudzu covered, nuclear intoxicated hell hole by living in a friendlier state, but I wish there was more I could do to help the trans people still living there.

“Mother who is that what do they want?” Alex asked his mother who was frantically rummaging around the kitchen for a knife. All the lights had been turned off and Alex was being ushered towards the bedroom cupboard by his mother. “Alex promise me you will stay here. Close your eyes, do not move, or make a noise.” Before he had time to reply to his mother had closed the cupboard door and left the room leaving Alex alone in the darkness, eyes tight shut. In the distance, he could hear fighting and thuds against the floor. The sound was growing closer, and Alex began to hear his mother's voice amongst the conflict until one last thud hit the floor and silence fell over the house. Fear had begun to creep into Alexs's mind and out of curiosity or stupidity Alex went against his mother's plea unclasping his tight eyes to peak through the gap in the corner of the cupboard door. What Alex saw shocked him to the point of paralysis he did not need to worry about making any noise as his mind was too broken to do so. Through the gap he saw his mother's lifeless face or rather her head. After the brief moment of silence Alex heard footsteps leaving the bedroom and then the house.
Time passed inside the darkness of the cupboard and the paralysis Alex experienced slowly wore off. Alex opened the door to find more of his mother, her body that had been cleaved in two. Fear and shock rushed through his mind again but in a moment of acceptance Alex held back his pain and tears knelt next to his mother's corpse to pray and say goodbye. But upon looking away from his mother's face towards her body he saw her chest had been ripped open and it appeared her heart was missing. The fear inside of him was gone or rather replaced and in a moment of rage Alex cried out vowing to find the monsters who did this to his mother. In the silent house “I will kill you all!” rang like a warning to the entire continent.
Alex, a young boy only nine years old struggled in the garden with a shovel that stood well above his head trying to dig a grave for his mother. Days passed until he finally finished digging blistered hands from the old wooden handle and cut knees from crawling out of the grave did not bother him. He pulled his mother's body with all his strength a child's body had towards the grave he had dug leaving a trail of congealed blood along the way. After he placed his mother's head with her body making her whole again. Once he had finished and said his final words, he readied himself to leave the only place he had ever known and venture into the outside world. Alex and his mother had always lived alone inside a Forrest he did not know the name of, nor could he point to on a map. With no sense of direction and only a desire for strength and revenge Alex picked the trail that led east and left towards the unknown.
After a few days of undisturbed travel along the eastern trail Alex heard voices ahead of him. Darting behind a tree Alex tried to wait them out but a man yelled out “hey kid we see you” confronting his fear of strangers Alex jumped out and threatened “I have a weapon leave me alone” the group of strangers paused for a brief moment before laughing as the leader said “do ya lad well unless you're also a practitioner I'm not worried”, Alex shaking with fear did not know what a practitioner was and before he could respond the leader said, “hey lad we’re settling down for the night come here we have food and drink, and you look like you need both.” Alex, nearly out of water and having run out of food days ago, accepted their offer and joined their camp for the night.
After a few hours around the campfire Alex grew more comfortable around his new companions engaging in basic pleasantries. ‘So young Alex what are you doing out here on your own?’ asked Lee, the leader of the group. He was a tall man broader than the tree Alex had tried to hide behind with coal black hair and scars covering all his visible skin. Still unsure of strangers Alex decided to lie and say he was going towards the city to join a school. In truth Alex did not even know where the nearest city was or what it was called but his mother had told him about schools before so he thought the group of adults would believe him. A girl in the back of the group shot up excitedly wearing armour so dark she almost blended into the background of the Forrest. Alex had not noticed because of the light of the fire but all their armour was exceptionally dark, and the entire group wore matching black capes. ‘You must be applying for Blackrock Academy right Alex?’ said the girl in the back wearing an excited expression. Caught in his lies and lack of knowledge Alex replied, ‘yeah how did you know miss?” Moving towards him from the back the girl in her late teens sat down next to him and told him about Blackrock Academy.
After a few hours of conversation with Anna Alex slowly began to understand more about the world around him and Blackrock Academy. “So, you went to Blackrock anna what did you learn?” after a brief pause Anna turned towards Alex and with a twisted smile responded with a single word “strength” before Alex could ask Anna any more questions someone in the group shouted, “were under attack!” in an instant the group clad in black armour formed a circle formation and readied for the assault.
"Fire souls, light them up!" commanded Lee.
What Alex saw amassed him fire that grew from the bodies of men and women and was cast out towards the forest, revealing the positions of the attacking force.
"Earth souls form a barrier around the young lad." Lee said looking towards Alex, the noise of the battlefield overwhelmed Alex, but he saw Lee mouthing the words "It's ok, you'll be safe, Alex."
Suddenly a dome of rock and dirt covered Alex, and he was in the darkness yet again, but this time, unlike the cupboard, he felt safe, and after seeing the abilities of these people, he understood what Anna meant by "strength," and if Blackrock Academy could give him these abilities, he needed to go there no matter what.
Eventually the dome came down, and Anna was waiting for him with a warm smile and hug. "You're not afraid of us, are you, Alex?" Not understanding why he would be afraid of Anna and the group, he responded honestly, "No, why would I be afraid?"
After a lengthy conversation, Anna and the group explain that most people fear practitioners because of their abilities. But Alex was feeling anything but fear; his mind and soul were filled with hope for the first time since his mother's death. Alex finally saw a clear path towards his revenge, a path that led straight to Blackrock.
Lee stepped in and asked, "So young Alex, you want to join Blackrock?"
"That's the plan," Alex said with a face full of noticeable excitement.
"Well, we are heading towards Blackrock, and you want to tag along?" asked Anna, her warm smile still inviting Alex in.
"Thank you, guys, I would love that!" said Alex, finally showing the emotions of a nine-year-old, which made Lee, Anna, and the rest of the group relax a little as they were still concerned about what the young boy had seen during the clash and they themselves were still covered head to toe in blood and residue from battle.
There were no more upsets traveling along the eastern trail. During the days spent traveling, Alex grew closer with the group and spent the time learning about the academy and the surrounding nations. Alex learned that he had grown up in the (?) Empire, one of the three great powers of the continent, and that his destination, Blackrock Academy, was under the direct control of the imperial family. Alex tried to learn about the abilities he saw, but Anna said it would be best to wait until he was at Blackrock, where they could explain it better.
As the journey down the eastern trail towards Blackrock neared its end, Alex began to feel worried, and as they neared the academy gates, Alex was preparing himself to say goodbye to his new friends. But being a young child, he could not find the words. Alex was about to speak, doing his best to hold back tears, when he was interrupted by an unknown voice.
"General Vale, welcome back," said a soldier, saluting stiffly.
Alex, confused, looked around "General Vale?" Thinking to himself.
"It's good to be back," Lee said as he took a step forward. "I've brought someone special with me." gesturing towards Alex.
Anna kneeled down next to Alex, who was still piecing together information in his head. "Sorry we lied, but we wanted to surprise you," said Anna, holding the confused child.
"We are professors at Blackrock Military Academy," the group said in unison.
"Welcome to your new home, Alex," said Lee, smiling down at the young Alex.

by Giulia Heyward
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Staten Island authorities identified the woman killed in a murder that stumped investigators for decades. The identification of the victim — Christine Belusko, from Morris County, New Jersey — is the latest breakthrough in a cold case that occurred in 1991.
“This is a story about a brutal and depraved murder, depraved acts of violence that killed this young girl in her prime,” said Richmond County District Attorney Michael E. McMahon at a press conference on Tuesday afternoon. “And the dumping of her body in a lonely and desolate field on the east shore of Staten Island exactly 31-and-a-half years ago.”
The perpetrator – who remains unidentified – bludgeoned, strangled, and set Belusko on fire before discarding her body in the Ocean Breeze neighborhood on Sept. 20, 1991, police said Tuesday. Because police were unable to identify her with fingerprints or police sketches, Belusko became known by a scorpion tattoo on her right buttock.
The weapon found at the scene – a blood-stained hammer with the name ‘Loyd L’ scratched into the handle – also failed to lead to any suspects.
But the advancement of forensic genealogy over the years led local authorities to submit her DNA and dental records to the FBI in 2010. Nine years later, the Richmond County DA's office used genealogy research to ultimately discover Belusko’s identity in April 2021.
The authorities also discovered Belusko’s last known address, the identity of her daughter – who was 2 when her mother died – and Belusko's whereabouts leading up to her death. The authorities contacted Belusko’s family members – including her brother – in June 2021.
The identity of Belusko’s assailant remains unknown – although the district attorney said it is likely someone who knew her. Belusko reportedly worked at a Rainbow shop in New Jersey, and wore clothing from the store at the time she was murdered, according to McMahon.
The authorities are also scrambling to contact her daughter, Krista Nicole Belusko, who is now 33. The police said they are now seeking the public’s assistance in finding her whereabouts.
“We can see that this team has spent an incredible amount of time and energy on doing the right thing because they believe in bringing justice to the victims of crime,” McMahon said.
--
https://www.doenetwork.org/cases/645ufny.html
Date of Discovery: September 19, 1991 Location of Discovery: Staten Island, Richmond County, New York Estimated Date of Death: 1 day prior State of Remains: Burned Cause of Death: Homicide by beating

Physical Description

Estimated Age: 16-27 years old Race: White Sex: Female Height: 5'4" Weight: 120 lbs. Hair: Brown, medium length, and curly Eye Color: Brown Distinguishing Marks/Features: Scorpion tattoo on the right buttock.

Identifiers

Dentals: Available. Tooth 18 has porcelain fused to a metal crown that was dislodged during examination. Possibly had braces in the past. Fingerprints: Available. DNA: Available.

Clothing & Personal Items

Clothing: A black, knit type, 3/4 length dress, with pink or fuchsia colored collar and pocket. White, size 8, low cut, Thom McCann, Baloon sneakers. White bra, black, G-string panties with multicolored flowers. Jewelry: 18-inch gold, herringbone necklace, 20-inch gold rope chain necklace, a ring that contained a small, watch face with an expandable band, possibly black in color. Additional Personal Items: Unknown

Circumstances of Discovery

The victim was located in a vacant lot on September 19, 1991. She was struck with a large hammer (body shop type). Her body was smoldering when found by a passerby. She was set afire with turpentine.
--
Her daughter's Charley Project link
https://charleyproject.org/case/christa-belusko

Christa Belusko

​

• Missing Since - 09/20/1991
• Missing From - Staten Island, New York
• Classification - Endangered Missing
• Sex - Female
• Race - White
• Date of Birth - 08/01/1989 (33)
• Age - 2 years old
• Height and Weight - 2'4, 30 pounds
• Distinguishing Characteristics - Caucasian female. Brown hair, brown eyes.

Details of Disappearance

Christa's date of disappearance is given as September 20, 1991 and the place as Staten Island, New York. However, the last time anyone actually saw her was about a week before September 20, with her mother at the Mount Airy Lodge in Mount Pocono, Pennsylvania. She has never been heard from again. Few details are available in her case.
---

This is a collection of oddities, real world inspirations and possible clues that hint to the true purpose of Area Zero and other mysteries in Paldea. My intention was to compile this into one big Theory of Everything, but all of this has been sitting in a Google Doc for a month and a half and I don't see how I can tie it all together with the information we currently have. I figured that I might as well talk about the discoveries I have made because if I had not compiled all of this into a reddit post, it might never have happened. My hope is that it will open up some new discussions about the games, and that someone else may see something that I can not.
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THE TWO METAL PLATES
Let's start with Area Zero. In the Scarlet/Violet books, the page discussing the strange symbol found in A0 has a few qualities that I have not seen discussed so far. It's titled "Mysterious Plates", plural, and even shows a second plate below the main plate containing the two intersecting triangles. This second plate is strangely never mentioned or shown again anywhere else. It appears to be longer in width and much shorter in height than the one we see in A0, and contains a long string of undecipherable text.
This mysterious second plate is not the only strange thing about this page of the book. The top image is drawn so that the symbol plate has its right side obscured behind rocks, but the bottom image gives you enough of a view to see that it doesn't contain anything to the right of the two zeroes. The map of Paldea and its accompanying text is strangely missing. The drawing is from the side and far away, so the plate is at an angle where it is difficult to make out certain details, but it certainly appears to not be wide enough to contain the mysterious symbol AND the map of Paldea.
That's not all about the metal plate, however. The entire thing, as seen when you yourself go into A0, seems to be based on the concept of a Kilometer Zero location marker. This is something that can be found in many countries across the world, which is why it seemed so strange to me that I have not seen any discussion about this. Regardless, the Kilometer Zero markers are typically placed in locations where multiple roads, railways or other routes of transportation come together in a central location. The marker was popularized by the Roman Empire, which is where the phrase "All roads lead to Rome" originates from. GameFreak makes this connection even clearer by having Hassel say almost that exact same line during one of the Art classes, "All roads lead to Area Zero".
Finally, if you look at the Kilometer Zero marker used in Spain it's clear that GameFreak took inspiration from this specific one for the metal plate of A0. It's located in the center of the country, in Madrid, and has an interesting history. The plaque was removed in 2002 in order for the town square to undergo renovations, and when the plaque was put back the construction crew accidentally put it in the ground upside down, so the north point was facing south and vice versa. This was fixed in 2007, but two years later in 2009 the plaque was removed and a new one was put in. Could this also be the history of the metal plate in A0? While I have yet to think of any implications of this, could it be possible that the A0 plate was found upside down and has been kept that way since Heath's expedition?
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THE EIGHT TREASURES
GameFreak pulled from numerous parts of Chinese mythology/folklore when putting together Area Zero and the story around Paldea, as the Treasures of Ruin are inspired by the Four Perils and the Kitakami Legends are inspired by Momotaro. Once the DLC was revealed, specifically its logo, I was able to make another similar connection. A not very well known piece of Chinese folklore is that of the Eight Treasures, or the Eight Precious Things, which are eight auspicious symbols that signify good luck and fortune. They had a similar cultural role to the Eight Auspicious Symbols of Buddhism, but beyond that the similarities end.
What the Eight Treasures are exactly varies depending on the source, as the symbols are pulled from the Hundred Treasures of Chinese folklore. The more commonly used Treasures seem to correlate to the eight symbols found on the corners of both the SV logo and the DLC logo. I will point out what I believe to be the Treasure that inspired each symbol, and this is where you can find a more detailed analysis on the Treasure's symbolism.
Starting with the upper left corner of the Scarlet/Violet logo, the Metal Plate inscription is based on the Double Lozenge, representing two hearts joined together to act as one mind. The hexagon in the bottom left is the Jewel, sometimes depicted as a Pearl or Flaming Pearl, containing generative energy and the ability to grant wishes. The four circles in the top right seem to be the Double Coins and the spiral in the bottom right seems to be the Wish Granting Ingot. The symbols in the DLC logo are harder to identify, but I believe the top right is the Mirror Lozenge, the Blueberry academy logo (that looks like an '8') in the bottom left might be inspired by the Coral treasure, and finally the bottom right symbol is the Wish Granting Scepter that is associated with the wish granting ingot. The upper left DLC symbol is too obscure for me to make any direct connections. While I have not drawn any definite conclusions on what these inspirations indicate for the symbols, it certainly seems to indicate the true nature of the Tera jewels and what secret wish-granting powers they may have.
The last thing I'd like to mention about Area Zero is that it seems to be heavily inspired by the Taoist concept of "Grotto Heavens", are worlds believed to exist hidden within the crust of Earth, often times inside the hollow center of a mountain. They are said to receive no actual light from the stars, but rather from "the root of the essence of the sun... its light matches the sun of the outer world". A0, as many have noted, is always lit no matter the time of day.
The mythological locations of Mount Penglai and Mount Kunlun) share some similarities to Area Zero, both of which are believed to be Axis Mundi of the world (a celestial pole, like Yggdrasil from Norse mythology). Mount Penglai is also known as Horai, the name given to the mountain in a short story written by Lafcadio Hearn. It is said to be the home of a cabal of immortals known as the Eight Immortals, although Penglai is found on just one of the mythical islands the Eight Immortals are said to reside on.
Lafcadio Hearn does not share many similarities with what little we know of Heath from the Area Zero Expedition team, but the book Hearn published his many short stories in, including that of Mount Penglai, was titled "Kwaidan". This certainly sounds similar to Koraidon, but I must admit it is a loose connection.
Mount Kunlun, a separate mythical paradise, connects to Paldea through its western/southern river (the direction the river flows from varies) that is known as the "Scarlet RiveWater)". Beyond just the name, in the announcement trailer for Scarlet and Violet there are three globes that can be seen in the room. One is a regular globe of the Earth, one is a regular globe of the Moon, and then the third is a globe depicting the Earth with red colored water instead of blue. If the globes were placed there with thematic intent, I believe the red globe was meant to create the connection between Paldea/A0 and Mount Kunlun. Both Penglai and Kunlun share other similarities to Area Zero through generic paradise tropes that I will not go into here, as the Scarlet RiveRed Globe and Kwaidan/Koraidon felt the most significant and this post is already long enough.
​
THE CARDINAL COLORS
As Scarlet and Violet introduced us to the first open world in the series history, it is understandable that the cardinal directions (North, South, West, East) would receive a bit of attention. What stands out in GameFreaks inclusion of them, however, is the colors associated with each direction.
If you look at what colors different cultures associate with the cardinal directions, you will not find a single society in history that had the same associations as Paldea does. In all my research, I could only find two pieces of cultural or fictional media that shared the same Cardinal Colors. In Buddhism, the Mandala Of Avalokiteshvara (Compassion Buddha) and the Mandala of the Medicine Buddha are sometimes depicted with these Cardinal Colors, but these depictions are not easy to find.
For the second instance, the Land Of Oz from the books by L. Frank Baum see the same setup of Blue/Yellow being opposite one another, red representing the south (which itself is rare enough), with some depictions using purple to represent the North and others using green. This would not seem to connect to Pokemon if not for the fact that the games have actually referenced the Wizard of Oz before. In Generation 1, if the player clicks on the TV in their home the text box indicates that Stand By Me is currently playing, the plot of which seems to have inspired the final act of Pokemon Scarlet and Violet, The Way Home. In the Gen1 remakes, FireRed and LeafGreen, the same reference is made as long as the player chose the male protagonist. Even Sun and Moon included the same Stand By Me reference as well. However, in FLG, a different film is referenced if the player chooses the female protagonist, The Wizard of Oz. Once again I admit this is a flimsy connection, but with one of these two films being an obvious inspiration for the story of Scarlet/Violet, it opens up the possibility that the Wizard of Oz might have also been used as inspiration.
That is all I could find on the inspiration for the choices made for the Cardinal Colors, however certain ways GameFreak utilized the Cardinal Colors of Paldea stood out to me, and I have not seen any discussion on this either. Here are two diagrams demonstrating some ways the Cardinal Colors may have more to do with the Legendary Pokemon of the games than we have realized. Specifically, the shrines encasing the Treasures of Ruin across Paldea are located in the four corners of the region, with their colors being a combination of the Cardinal Colors closest to them. The fire-type Chi-Yu is found in the NorthEast, so its shrine is a combination of blue and green, cyan. This is true of all four of the Treasures of Ruin. If you look at the four new Pokemon introduced in the DLC The Teal Mask, each Pokemon incorporates a Cardinal color in their design, with Ogerpon being the only outlier. Of course, we have barely seen Ogerpon's actual design without the mask, and even then in the image we do have it has a yellow-colored eye which is the only color not utilized by another Pokemon.
Then there is the Mesagoza Type Compass that sits in the center of the city, which has the types arranged in a seemingly random order. I tried to figure out if maybe these Cardinal Colors or the corner colors have something to do with the Type Compass, or the color wheel found in the Art Room, but so far I have had no luck. However the compass is odd in that it has 12 points rather than the 8 points or 16 points typically seen on compass roses, which supposedly is normal of a Japanese Compass Rose but I have yet to find a depiction like this outside of a single DeviantArt image. Beyond the colors, not much else seems relevant to the cardinal directions, although there is one part of A0 that sticks out to me.
While it is difficult to figure out which direction you are looking towards when you enter A0, it is possible to see the Zero Gate above the clouds where you land if you get high up enough along the sides of A0. A link to a screenshot of this is included near the end of the post. Based off of this, it would appear that each river in A0 is coming from a lake located on the cardinal ends of the area. While the North, West, and South rivers all flow down into the bottom of A0, the East river is the one that takes you to the cave with the four circles pointing towards the cardinal directions. This is the only river that does not flow into the crystalline depths below. Given that Part 1 of the DLC seems to take place in the Eastern area connected to Paldea, it makes me wonder if there is any relevance to this river being the only one to not connect with the others.
​
THE LUNAR THEORY
There are a number of strange things throughout the story that seem to connect to the moon, specifically its strange orbit that is scarcely commented on anywhere. While most of the observations in this post are just that, observations, I feel strongly that the moon plays a role in the overall plot of Scarlet and Violet, and will be a focal point of the DLC.
When developing a video game, nothing is particularly easy to implement. The easiest thing to do in game development is doing something again. Taking a feature you have already developed, and copy and pasting it to something else in the game. Knowing this, I would like to discuss the strange behavior of the moon as opposed to the typical behavior of the sun.
Imagine you are standing idly in Paldea while facing the Northeast at night, you watch as the sun rises in the East like it does in the real world. You can watch as it crosses the sky over the course of the day, eventually arriving in the West where it disappears over the horizon. Once the sun has set, you look back over at the Northeast direction expecting to see the moon rise over the horizon. The stars start to appear and the sky darkens, and yet you see no moon. If you were to then look back over at the Northwest direction, if you do so quick enough, you can see the Moon suddenly just appear in the West. Not only that, if you watch it over the course of the night you can see it go from West to East, the opposite direction it would normally travel, and then disappear by fading into the sky as the sun starts to rise once again. The sun has a proper orbit, it rises and sets in the correct locations and arcs across the sky. The moon on the other hand does not rise, it does not set, and it moves across the sky in a straight line. Most may chalk this up to a development bug, but I see an intended behavior. Like I said, once you've implemented something once, here being a circle in the sky rising and setting over the horizon, it's not very difficult to copy and paste it to another giant circle. I believe that this has to have been intentional, especially given that it was not fixed in the latest patch.
That's not all though. Of the four symbols on the Scarlet/Violet logo, one of them seems to lack any sort of context behind its relevance. This would be the bottom right spiral found in the Poco Lab. Even the metal plate inscription has some sort of commentary attributed to it, so that players can at least wonder what its relevance may be. The spiral, however, is left mostly unexplained. That is, if you don't pay attention to the other diagrams on the whiteboard. While the specifics of these equations are a little lost on me, it would seem the two circles found on the Poco Lab whiteboard are depicting calculations relating to the horizon of the Earth, possibly the light refraction of a celestial object. The top diagram appears to either calculate the influence of a satellite on the planets gravity, or a calculation of the true altitude of the satellite. That one could be a number of things, but I believe the bottom one to be a calculation of the true position of the moon based on the principle of the moon illusion. While I can't be certain what the spiral symbol represents, I wonder if it is depicting the strange orbit of the moon that is causing it to appear and disappear in the middle of the sky. Could the "moon's" refraction of light rays) be the relevance of ultraviolet and infrared light wavelengths, which many have theorized to have something to do with Scarlet/Violet?
Based on what we know of the Professor, the last time they left Poco Lab was the final time they set foot outside of Area Zero. These diagrams would have been the last thing they wrote on the whiteboard before going to Zero Lab, where a dozen more strange diagrams can be found on the whiteboards there. If you look at what the diagrams are depicting, each one shows a single circle following a path and/or existing within a strange 3D geometric shape. If I am correct that the Poco Lab whiteboard is the Professor discovering that something is off about the moon's orbit, the whiteboards in Zero Lab might be their attempts at finding out what exactly the orbit is. Could this be why they become more of a hermit, locking themselves in the lab and creating more security protocols to keep other people out? Is it possible they discovered some sort of conspiracy and became the target of those upholding the conspiracy?
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THE TURTLE THAT CARRIED THE WORLD
While I have already rambled long enough about the suspicious nature of the moon, there's one final observation I would like to make. If you look at the page in the Scarlet/Violet where Heath drew the Disk Pokemon, which we now know is Terapagos, there's still a number of unexplained aspects of the image. The giant disk Terapagos is resting on, the fact that its fur turns into an ocean with ships atop it, the clouds to the left of Terapagos that are completely disconnected from the Pokemon, and the many planets that can be seen in the background. It has already been pointed out that if you flip the image upside down, the black parts of the image actually appear to be crystals encircling the large disk, but there's something else about the image that has yet to be mentioned. The shading of the large disk is strange, familiar even. This image depicts the view of the Earth from the surface of the moon. It is the same exact shading. Looking at the Disk as a large celestial object from the upside down perspective, suddenly makes its appear as if the artist is looking up into the sky, past the Tera crystals of Area Zero, seeing a large object very far away. After all, it's common knowledge that Terapagos might be inspired by the many myths of a World Turtle that carries the Earth on its back. Looking at the drawing upside down, it almost appears as if that were the case here.
Of course, then there's the whole problem with how Area Zero could possibly be on the moon and/or some other satellite object, and then why Earth has the weird hexagonal shapes covering its visible portion. This could always be attributed to simple Human error with the artist not fully comprehending what they were seeing, but that certainly would not be a satisfying answer. Another theory I hope to discuss more of one day is that the clouds seen inside the Great Crater are teleporting anyone who enters to Area Zero, and vice versa, but I'm still working on how exactly that would fit with what we know about A0 and Terapagos so far.
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LINGBAO DAOISM
One final piece of folklore I'd like to mention is the beliefs of a Daoist school from 400 C.E, known as both the School of the Numinous Treasure and the School of the Sacred Jewel (also known simply as the Lingbao School). While I'm not sure if this actually a source of inspiration for these games, I certainly found some of the aspects and beliefs of this Daoist sect interesting. It's also another piece of spiritual beliefs that have connected to the old Chinese story Journey to the West. This story has had connections to many things I have already talked about, like the Grotto Heavens and Axis Mountains I mentioned earlier. Frankly, anything I found in Chinese mythology that seemed like it might have been inspiration for these games had some sort of connection to that tale, and so as a result it may have been a bigger piece of inspiration that I realized.
Lingbao cosmology is based around the idea of a mountain known as the Jade Capital being the center of the heavens, the Axis Mundi housing the Celestial Worthy (creator god). There are three subsequent deities, the Lord of Celestial Treasure, Lord of Sacred Treasure and the Lord of Divine Treasure. Each deity also resides within its own Grotto Heaven. It was believed by Lingbaoists that time was divided into cosmic cycles, and at the end of each era a deity related to the color associated with that era would descend to Earth provide Humanity a piece of Cosmic teaching. Two types of eras/cycles can occur, one ending with the moon causing a flood that resets the universe, and the other ending in total apocalypse. Before the apocalypse a select few of those who were given the Cosmic teaching, those that actually correctly learned the teaching, would be gathered up by the Queen Mother of the West (A central character of Journey to the West), and taken to a land of bliss not impacted by the apocalypse.
After reading through much of the Journey to the West, I believe that Geeta was inspired by the Queen Mother of the West and plans to take those who follow her to Area Zero when an apocalypse is eventually started, either by her or by natural forces/a Pokemon. This is mostly because I hope that they do something interesting with her character, but partly because it just seems very much like a story GameFreak would tell, especially given the writing of villains in Pokemon games and how recently they have represented big corporate powers.
​
I hope that many of these topics fuel the theorizing parts of your brains, as I know that they have for me. Of course this post is formatted the way it is because I have not been able to come up with a cohesive theory that utilizes all of these oddities, as well as the bullet points below, but maybe one day it will click for someone.
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(*MANY) ADDITIONAL OBSERVATIONS
- If you get on top of the Academy using the Cyclizar Paradox, you can access the outside of the conservatory-like structure. The Academy exit connected to it is the color red, as well as the door used to enter the treehouse-like structure. As far as I can tell, based off of the intro sequence of Violet I found on YouTube, the doors appear to be red no matter the version. Also, the doors to the conservatory have what might be the second metal plate sitting above it with the text blurred, I imagine intentionally so that anyone like me climbs up to them, we don't discover any secrets.
- The hexagonal symbol in the bottom left of the logo may be depicting the six satellite dishes found around Area Zero, rather than the time machine or the Tera jewel/crystal itself.
- Student IDs are only mentioned two times, both mentions are by the AI Professor. First is when the Professor says the player's ID, 805C393. 805 because that's how many years since the Academy was founded, I presume 'C' is the semester (A is spring, B is summer, C is fall), and 393 because we joined the Academy late in the semester. Penny is 803B121, which tracks with that logic as a year and a half before was when she formed Team Star. Strangely, Nemona is 805C001. This means she registered with the school at the beginning of the current semester, and was the first to do so. This does not line up with what Giacomo says about Nemona taking over Student Council president a year and a half before the events of the game. Also - the previous Director mentions that his assistant tried to coverup the Team Star incident by destroying "digital records", no mention of physical records. We assumed this coverup caused the pages to be ripped out of the Student Registry book found in the Academy Library, but this does not track. Was someone trying to hide Nemona's previous ID? This might explain why the Professor felt it was necessary to create the Pokeball Locking security system, as it has to do with ID numbers. Nemona would be able to use Pokeballs with a new ID, up until the final battle where the AI Professor locks ALL ID's other than their own.
- Zero Gate is not the only thing that can be seen above the clouds in Area Zero. On top of the fact that the ledge it rests on looks nothing like the ledge seen in Paldea, the ridges seen above the Area Zero clouds are a completely different shape than the walls of the Great Create of Paldea, appearing more like a mountain range than a crater. Here some screenshots I took.
- Another reason for why I assume the cardinal directions are the way they are in Area Zero, despite the minimap not functioning from within the area, is because of this promotional artwork GameFreak released prior to Scarlet/Violet hitting the shelves. You can see that to the right of the Zero Gate is a waterfall, and the distance between the two appears to be the same as the distance from where you spawn in Area Zero and the closest waterfall to your left. What's most interesting about this image, though, is that the waterfall depicted in the image is not present in the final game. This would have been the only think linking the Crater above the clouds to the grotto below the clouds, and for whatever reason they decided to remove it in the three months between releasing the image and releasing the games.
- The Kitakami Legends each seem to each have a European heraldic charge) depicted on their design. Given that the Koraidon/Miraidon designs on the front of the Scarlet/Violet books are based on how lions and other animals are depicted in heraldry, this seems like a safe assumption. Okidogi has two crescents#/media/File:BlasonJean_Leliwa(selonGelre).svg) underneath its eyes, and the shape on its chest seems to be the shape of the heraldry shield#/media/File:Swiss_Escutcheon.svg) itself. Munkidori has a maltese cross#/media/File:Maltese_cross.svg) on its stomach. Fezandipiti has a cross moline#/media/File:Cross-Moline-Heraldry.svg) at the end of its tail. Ogerpon is yet another outlier here, just like with the cardinal colors, but one could argue the five pointed star on its chest is its charge, which is called a mullet#/media/File:Blason_de_la_ville_de_Deh%C3%A9ries(59)_Nord-France.svg). Also - on the left side of the top floor of the Entrance Hall you can find a strange shape hanging from a light fixture. It appears to be the water-bouget charge.
- Mount Penglai is the home of the Eight Immortals. The Adventure into Area Zero page in the Scarlet/Violet book depicts seven individuals descending into Area Zero, and we can assume that Heath or whoever illustrated the page was not depicted. Was the Expedition team made up of only eight people? With the prevalence of the number '8' in the games and DLC (Blueberry Academy logo), could this have any significance?
- AI Professor mentions that the energy of the Tera Crystals can "alter the organic functions of living things". The future Paradox Pokemon seem to be actual living Pokemon despite being made of machinery. If "Dream Theory" ends up being partially true, then I wonder if the Tera function that 'created' them (summoned, resurrected, there are many possibilities) possibly healed the Professor by turning them into a cyborg. The research journals suggest the assistant mentioned is the AI Professor, but certain discrepancies in them and the AI Professor's dialogue suggests that is not the case.
- In the Scarlet/Violet book the Director depicted to be shaking Heath's hand has a little piece of hair on his forehead that looks like a crescent moon. The two founders of the Academies depicted by the busts on the top floor of the entrance hall have hair that looks like Grapes and Oranges depending on the version, so theres a precedent for hair shapes of Academy figureheads having double meanings. This is the reachiest reach in this entire post, but I thought I'd include it.
- A pet theory I have had since the release of the games is that Geeta runs a secret society in Paldea that is orchestrating events from the shadows. The compass logo of the Elite Four is reminiscent of an all-seeing-eye, which is largely where this notion came from (The 'eye' portion of the logo is also identical to the marking on Lusamine-Nihilego's legs). If this is truly the case, then I imagine its based on the mythical La Garduna secret society of Spain, which historians are unsure ever actually existed. Secret Societies are also a common trope of Academies and Universities. A real world example that the games may be hinting at with the Paldean Pokemon Gimmighoul is a collegiate secret society at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, called the Order of Gimghoul.
- Every time the Professor summons a Paradox Pokemon from the time machine, the Pokemon falls from the machine in a Master Ball - seemingly just having been caught. In multiple locations within Paldea, including the Player's bedroom and Arven/Penny's dorm rooms, there are scattered boxes with a company logo depicting Tauros. Inside of the Zero Lab, however, the Professor has a large amount of boxes with the Delibird company logo. Most of the settlements in Paldea, like Medali outside of Zero Gate and Levincia where the real estate company is, have warehouses with the Delibird company logo. Is this the company that is providing the Professor with such a large amount of Master Balls? Does this mean that the Delibird company is a subsidiary of Silph Co., or some other Pokeball-manufacturer?
- Penny mentions that Nemona's dad is on the board of the Rotom Phone company. Nemona then mentions how her sister will "take over the family business". Does Nemona's family own a separate corporation from the Rotom Phone company, as 'take over' suggests ownership of the business rather than simply being a part of an executive team. On top of that, we know that the company producing Rotom Phones - or at least the cellphones that the Rotom possesses - is Macro Cosmos, based off of this concept art from Sword and Shield where you can see their logo on the unpossessed phone.
- If you start in the United States and dug a hole straight through the earth, you would end up in China, as the classic saying goes. This is called an "Antipodal Point". The Antipodal point of Madrid, give or take a few dozen miles, is a large isolated mountain in New Zealand with a lake named "Crater Lake" sitting at its peak. If Area Zero's clouds are in fact a portal to multiple locations, and the inscribed symbol was inspired by the Double Lozenge (two hearts joined as one), then could this location in North New Zealand be the other location connected to A0?

Thank you for reading in advance. Looking for opinions on my Chapter 1.
It had been only several hours since the sun fell over the horizon in Eailorre when the East Wind pushed the storms from the Tempest across the sea to the lighthouse on the Percunian Cape. For Cydol and Davin Tambor, the father and son that operated the beacon, the easterlies at their heights tested their resolve, especially when the storm rolled in at night.
“Davin! Make haste and protect the flame!” Cydol yelled to Davin, who quickly ran up the stone steps that spiraled around the inside of the lighthouse to the top.
Davin hated running up the stairs, as he was inclined to slip on the narrow stone steps at the top. This time, he reached the beacon room unscathed, but the signal was not so lucky. The beacon would be normally protected by the glass panes that surrounded the room during normal storms, but when the remnants of the Tempest would come crashing on top of the lighthouse, the panels needed to be locked. They were not tonight.
The easterly swung open the glass pane that faced the sea. Damn! I forgot to lock it! Davin thought. The sheets of rain fired into the room and onto the fire, decimating the blaze to a faint, flickering glow. The wood that remained was drenched and the ashes were bunched into clumps of dirt with pieces flying and scattering across the rest of the remaining panes that surrounded the pyre. Davin looked through the open gape. Usual sights of airships fishing above the sea were replaced with pitch black nothingness, the cold rain striking him in the face, and the smattering of lightning bolts that lit up the sky as fast as they disappeared.
“Davin! Shut the window! I’ll grab fresh wood!” Cydol yelled from below. Davin saw nothing but could hear his father through the thunderclaps reverberating around him.
Davin grabbed the window and pushed it through the biting gale until it closed shut. He then slid the locking mechanism over the edge of the pane as he held it in place with his shoulder. Relieved that the pane was not shattered, Davin slid his back along the glass and rested on the beacon room floor. His father was not going to be happy about this. He could hear him shuffling below, snatching kindling and logs.
In the twenty-two years of Davin’s life, he lived in the lighthouse on the cape. His father operated it for decades prior along with his mother, who died during childbirth. The lighthouse was passed down from generation to generation, father to father stewarding its beacon to assist the airships and the seaships that traveled up and down Eailorre’s southeastern coast.
I grow tired of this place, Davin thought as he lightly thumped the back of his head against the wall underneath the glass pane.
For Davin, the lighthouse and its surroundings were all that he knew of. He visited Affet, a small burg nearly five miles away, for supplies often and Myrhaven, a larger town that straddled the border of Tarpia, the largest country in all of Eailorre. His trips to Myrhaven were yearly treks for Festival Week with his best friend Erik, who was one of the Second Sheriffs, armed guards dedicated to its protection since the Phoecian Army refused to safeguard the town so far from its capital. This year’s Festival Week starts in several hours and Erik was to arrive to join him a few hours after sunrise.
Father is not going to let me go tomorrow, Davin thought. He’s going to have my hide for not locking the window.
The echo of quick clods began to ring in his ears. At the top of the steps, Cydol stood. Lugging three large logs and a bunch of dry huffwheat, the middle-aged man was soaked, droplets of rain fell from his gray tunic. His salt and pepper long hair, pulled up in a ponytail was just as wet. So was his similarly colored beard, tight around his cheeks and longer on the chin. He had an awful scowl on his face. He clearly knew what happened.
“Get up, boy. We’ve got to clear the wet wood and get these dry logs lit,” Cydol said.
Davin stood and opened one of the windows. The rain began to empty inside the room. He grabbed one log after another, tossing their wet remains into the wind, falling the sixty feet below, splashing onto puddle-soaked ground. Davin fought hard with the gusts trying to shut the window, but was successful in closing the pane. Cydol tossed the dry logs onto the altar and stuffed the huffwheat underneath. He pulled matches from his pocket. They were dry.
Cydol crouched in front of the pile of wood, lit the match, and held it near the huffwheat, trying to catch the kindling with the tiny flame.
"We need more logs, child. Grab some from the stock below," Cydol said as he brushed off the small splinters of wood that clung to his tunic with his free hand.
Davin hustled down the staircase and leapt off with a few steps to go, landing on the dark red and brown trimmed rug that laid on the stone floor of the library.
The library stood at the base of the tower and was the product of the decades his family occupied the lighthouse. While not as large as the grand libraries throughout Eailorre, the library was impressive for a simple lighthouse on the coast. Countless volumes lined the square room’s walls. In his youth, Davin would read many of the tomes while Cydol worked to keep the beacon operational. Reading and writing he enjoyed, mathematics he did not. His preferences were the volumes on regional history, trade skills and the intricacies of economics. The library included books on every subject, except for religion. Cydol despised things he could not see and the stories of the Divine were anathema to the old man. Davin would spend the dark hours of the night settled in the large brown leather chair in the center of the room rising only to refuel the fire upstairs. The dark room was lit by candles in sconces around him and by the two on the thick oak table in front of his reading chair. The library had a primitive fireplace on the southern wall. The stone mantle above was beginning to crumble. Just another chore on the list of things to fix. Next to the fireplace was a pile of dry wood.
Davin gathered three logs and ran back to the stairs, then scrambled up the stone steps. In the beacon room, Cydol kneeled and lightly blew on the flame, nursing it to life.
Davin carefully placed each log on top of one another, successfully adding to the bundle. Cydol stood and fiddled with the vent above the firewood, hoping to add some air to the room to trigger the fire.
"What next, father?" Davin asked.
Cydol sat on the floor and pulled his pipe from a pocket in his tunic. Like the rest of him, it was doused. He shook his head and picked the moist teeweed from inside the bowl, replenishing it with a fresh batch from his tunic's front pocket. Taking one of the matches, he lit the teeweed and began to puff on the pipe. Davin sat patiently, dreading his father's next words.
“We sit and wait." Cydol said as he puffed on the pipe.
The two sat in silence as the fire started to grow. The huffwheat was fully lit and the bottom logs were engulfed. Smoke started to billow, mixing with Cydol’s pipe smoke, and rising to the vent, escaping outside, where it continued to pour.
"Davin, I know that you have been wishing to leave."
"It has been on my mind, father." Davin said as he stared at the floor. He refused to look up. He knew when his father’s gaze was on him.
“Why?” Cydol asked.
Davin folded his legs and slumped forward; his arms felt heavy. “I…I just think there’s something better out there for me,” he said.
A plume of smoke obscured Cydol’s face. Davin could not see his father’s sadness. “Better? What could be better than this? You have a home, you are safe. The world is a dangerous place, my son. Filled with war. Pestilence. Greed,” Cydol said as he continued to puff on his pipe.
“I want to wake in a new land. I want to smell the spices of the Dezian traders and feel the sand underneath their caravans betwixt my fingers. I want to see the Yektow graze on the Plateau at sunrise. I know much, but all I have seen is ink on ragged paper.”
Cydol leaned, matching his son’s posture. “This lighthouse has been our family's duty for many years. My father operated it. His father and his father before that. I understand your ambition, but I need you here with me. I am approaching sixty and I cannot do this alone for much longer."
Out of the corner of his right eye, Davin glanced at Cydol. Father’s pipe was placed on the floor. The old man gritted his teeth as he massaged his left hand with his right. The left was mangled; the knuckles of his forefinger and ring finger were swollen. They were the size of Ollina nuts, bulky and much larger than his other knuckles. The left hand looked frozen, veiny, and throbbing. The hand was twitching and shaking, as if it had a mind of its own.
"I have seen you wince more often. Is it the bone rot?" Davin asked.
"Aye. It limits me." Cydol said as he continued to massage the distorted hand.
"I would like to see more of Eailorre, father. Perhaps after some time away, I will return to run the lighthouse,” Davin said.
"Let us discuss this after you return from Myrhaven. Get some rest. I will watch the beacon and keep it aflame. Erik will arrive in the morning. I have a few errands for you to do beforehand."
Davin perked. "You'd still have me go after my mistake?"
"Aye." Cydol said as he stared into the fire.
"Thank you, father." Davin said as he stood and began to walk toward the top step.
"Davin."
"Yes?"
"Despite this mishap… You are improving as steward and you have grown into a fine man. You are worthy of your ancestors, my son."
Davin nodded and left his father for the night.

TL;DR:
I’m almost certain after my behaviour over the past two years that I have BPD but have only a diagnosis of ADHD despite telling mental health team.
I had a very upsetting and painful relationship with someone that made me feel really bad about myself. I hit out and had a mental breakdown, no I don’t feel like I can live my life because of who the person is and what they have made up about me on top of my already (true) crazy… I don’t really know what to do because I have really good friends in the city I live in but know that anything I do can and will be cancelled by this person.
oh goddddd, so I have a diagnosis of ADHD and not BPD but I did some crazy shit to someone I dated - so I reckon I do have BPD/ I was suffering from psychosis/ super low self esteem + trauma.
Context:Me - 26F Her 32F (I’ll use R to refer to hr)
I was living in my van at the time, really down and out - low sel esteem felt like i had nothing to offer.
She has a fancy salon on the main st in the area where kinda everyone i know in the city is/ DJs at the radio station across the st from r’s salon. To get anywhere you need to walk past her salon or try to avoid it. She knows all the big names etc and is like semi -famous.
Basically I was going through a bit of a rough time - had been struggling with homelessness for a while and that had gotten me into tricky situations which I didn't realise were probably leaving a mark on me. I hadn't been back in the UK for that long, having lived in Greece working in the camps for a while until covid happened and i experienced burnout and got back into drugs when trying to make new friends since i'd been abroad for so long. I sobered up and sorted myself out a bit and went and lived in my van tree-planting and having a nice time.
Anyways, I wasn't really into dating at that point but had dating apps and got talking to someone. Straight away she was really telling me loads about herself and so I opened up to over messages etc, she'd voice note and send pictures asking me to identify mushrooms she'd picked and asked me my opinions/ knowledge about intellectual topics etc, and basically seemed to have a lot in common with me/ wanted similar things.
We don't meet for a while because I'm flaky and always on the move. We finally meet, she comes to a friends house where i sometimes went when I was in the city (i lived in my van remember) and we take some mushrooms, laugh loads and then go to the club together, as soon as i get there she ignores me completely- but i bump into a friend so spend the night dancing with him.. i tell r I'm going to leave and we chat for a bit and then go outside, I ask if she's attracted to me because I'm confused by our interaction, i like r from our chats and how much we laughed together but then i think that she thinks I'm weird hence why she ignored me in the club- we end up circling each other and then kissing for a while, I go to leave and she grabs me an throws me to the wall and kisses me more (HOT). In the morning she messages me 'you're on my mind this morning'- I find it kinda wild, but like flattering and hot.
Anyways I'm away again and she tries to get me to drive back to the city to fuck a few times when she's drunk/ messages me in the night and gets annoyed when i don't reply 'I want you to talk to me' is what she'd say. I've never experienced anyone being so forward so i find it a bit unnerving but nice.
When we finally have sex it's wild, she strangles me without asking but it just works, she's so intense the most intense lover I've ever had, staring at me like she's going to swallow me whole. she says it's the best sex she's ever had - i don't know how to reply, but it is good. We continue seeing each other and she tells me all about her exes who are badddd, like crazy - 3 turn up at r’s flat over the time we are seeing each other... (and she tells me how she has gotten people cancelled).. We hang out a LOT she keeps telling me she's going to fall in love with me but she can't- can't have a relationship, we chat about what we want and she seems to want everything i want? Land, community.. She comes for a drink with me and my friend and storms out half way through i follow her and she's like I'm sorry and goes to dinner, i wake up to 9minutes worth of voice notes telling me all of these nice things about me but that I'm like damaged goods so maybe we should be friends because she knows she'll fall in love with me and she can't do that.. I'm so confused i message back telling her that everything is telling me to run away but for some reason i can't..
everytime i stay r tells me she's going to fall in love with me over and over again, but that she can't do that and it hurts me so i often stay in the spare room, always awaking to her coming in and clinging to me in the night, the way she holds me feels so good.. it really confuses me, so i become unsure if i should see her, everything feels wierdly dramatic all the time and the sex is crazy, she sends me constant nudes and desires me all the time, asks me to come to her work just to kiss her. Does not stop going on about my appearance and body (I'm like SUPER underweight at that point - sick looking- but i guess muscly from all the manual labour? idk weird she was so into it). But we do have the best times when we're together and i feel so special she covets me in public and invites me to cool fancy events and i feel accepted by like the beautiful people? But then she's also seeing other people, (none like me though, she loves me and it's different...) and makes fun of me for not (ENM) so i try and date other people but she stops me each time. She gets a bit calmer and things feel okay between us, i stay most nights she still pushes and pull but i put it down to her trauma and she tell me she's in love with me. I tell r i need time but she demands that i fuck her hard and lover her during sex. R corners me all the time over the next few weeks and tells me i must feel the same way as it's between two people. I'm obsessed, I love her back, I tell R this but that it feels painful and that shouldn't be what love is. We continue hanging out and it seems okay but it's like I'm waiting for her to do something again, it's incredible in so many ways the way we talk constantly about everything and all the amazing things she says to me.. But I'll catch r out on lies/ she'll do things/ say things that are really mean both to me and to strangers etc.
But then things get hard she has some family stuff and says she can't date me, i of course say that's fine but she messages me every day - i get really sick from living in the van during winter with no heating and end up at my mums (alcoholic) after not seeing her for years, she ghosts me over random stuff then rings me crying saying she loves me and would be with me if stuff was not happening in her life.
I get a bit better and come back to the city in my van sleeping near parks etc, the night i get back i meet my friend (an ex, I'm a lesbian what can i say) who sees my phone flashing and her texts to me, she can't believe that that's how she speaks to me. I ask r if I'll see her tonight, she messages me as I'm parked up a while out the city demanding i come fuck her and leave my dog alone in the van. I feel like shit but then do what she wants the following night after not having slept, our relationship becomes me coming over and cooking for her and fucking her on demand.. At this point I'm barely sleeping each night, waiting for her to message me or up from the cold. one night i say no and that she has no respect for me, the next day I say we need to chat- she's mean over text and is all about what just tell me over text, so i tell her i think she has zero respect for me and it hurts. she brushes it off but later sees me walk past her salon and then ends up coming into the shop where i go with my friend and grabs my hand. Later she sees me again whilst djing (across the road from her salon) and messages me and asks if i like her croptop i tell her ofc she looks amazing, she says she'll come chat to me later. She doesn't so i sleep until she turns up at my van at midnight wrecked. I come out and ask her wtf she is doing but she just grabs me and kisses me and throws me against the park railings and tells me to come to hers so i follow her, we start having sex and i freak out and she tells me she loves me to which i only reply 'sure'. she jumps out of the bed and starts screaming at me to get out if i don't think she loves me, i move to get up but then she presses me down and doesn't let me leave nor does she let me sleep and shakes me trying to get me to talk but I've shut down.
The next day I wake having had one hour sleep feeling terrible. i go down on r and bring her to orgasm she bucks into my nose and i bleed everywhere, a sad trail of red leading to the bathroom.. she sits me on the edge of the bath and cleans me up, we shower together and i watch my blood mix with the water. Later in r’s kitchen she picks me up and sits me on her counter (I'm p tall 5'8 but tinnyyy 47kg and she's 6ft curvy af and strong) and strokes my hair tries to speak to me but i can't hear anything i feel so done and hurt and terrified to lose her, it's like my self worth has become reliant on her because idk she's so powerful in the area i live and is so mean about everyone and if she's not mean about me then maybe I'm not so bad right? I know - bpd right?
Anyways i go to my van and change and r comes in and gives me my stuff that i had at hers i tell her i don't want it and throw it out… I was feeling rejected I guess?.. she's laughing at me an I'm so embarrassed i throw my clothes into the street I'm crazy, feel ridiculous and small and sick and ashamed i want her not to see me like that. She storms off and tells me I'll never see her again if I do that again so I follow her (she wants to go a walk) and she screams at me in public all around the park and i try to calm her. By the time we get back to hers I'm apologising telling her it woulave completely lost my d be a shame to waste our connection and i love her. I have completely lost myself, I'm a different person from when she met me. I have no where to go but go to my friends who tells me she's worried about me and that someone shouldn't be treating me that way. The woman just sends me romantic songs and i tell her i think the other night was inappropriate, she admits that it was and says we can never talk about it again.
I start going crazy- messaging weirdly when she doesn't reply, clingy like, r tells me she doesn't think about me doesn't care about me. I'm not sleeping still and in the morning i tell her that i think she needs therapy etc if she thinks that this is love because it should feel good and it should be an action not just some intense feeling she has and that i am so confused because she treats her friends so nicely and yet the person she is in love with like a dog or an enemy and i think she's amazing but maybe we should be friends if her behaviour doesn't change cause i don't want to lose her.. She is obviously mad with me and tells me she completely fell for me but can't have a relationship (not my point). We were meant to have a date that night as r was going to Mexico the next day but she cancels because of my behaviour.. i ask to go and get my records then so i go to the salon- with her favourite chocz (ikr I'm full psycho at this point) and she's angry but we make out loads in the back street.. she says she'll meet me later, I'm a mess getting ready and think I'll be late so don't get fuel for my van (so no heating), i turn up and she's still working but invites me in i try and wait but my mum keeps ringing saying she's suicidal.. she finally finishes cutting the persons hair 2 hours after i turn up... and we make out loads in the salon, but shes mean, shes hungry so i take her for food she holds my hand down the street and leans her head on my shoulder as she eats i walk her to her car and she tells me that's it i kiss her loads and ask her to drive me back and she agrees I'm trying not to cry as she drops me off and she asks me why do i care so much about it. i kiss her and she drives off. i try and sleep on my friends couch but it's so cold. I message her and joke how she's going to go through all my texts laughing with her business partner - she's like wtf.. (she told me she'd done that with ex partners texts and I'm so paranoid all the time at this point), she tells me something has happened and she has to stop texting i apologise and say i;ll message in the morning...
She's so mad with me still in the morning and the communication is fucked, she's mad i just want to be friends and everything else, but of course, i want to be with her and not just be friends, i'd really do anything. I ask if i can leave her a letter because everything i text is misconstrued. She says yes so i write her a letter telling her how i feel and apologising, i feel like i really love her, she's such a strong character and so interesting and so fierce with so many idiosyncrasies and mad music knowledge and that i want to be in her life in any capacity that i can, i mean it but I'm so so fucked up at this point and i'd had a long term relationship but like it wasn't like this.. the intensity, it was really nice and so loving, but it was very different from this, despite the pain of it no one had ever said such amazing things to me and i'd never had sex like that / so much in common musically etc.... I'm so hurt and just think i should try move on, i go and sleep with someone straight away. the next day she messages me whilst on her way to to the airport, telling me the letter made her cry - because it's sad and that all she wants to do is be in my arms, i tell r i love her and r says she feels the same, but I'm stupid i try and date other people whilst she's in mexico. The stupidest idea, I’m so so mentally ill at this point, not sleeping and pushing my body to the absolute limits at work and to nail the coffin.. start taking street valium to try and sleep.. i tell r about going on dates, i always told her before because i want to be open about that and she encouraged my dating other people (but i have like sexual trauma so it's difficult for me, but i don't mind her dating) she gets jealous of one person i date (a)… A instantly clings on to me and by then myself esteem is so done i think everyone can just take what they want from me and I give it despite a year ago knowing full well I would have ran a million miles from someone like a.. and this is really horrible.. but i wasn't even really attracted to a and i missed and loved the r so badly, but a kept demanding me to come fuck her very similar to the way r did, but obvs I loved r, so I did go an fuck a even when I didn’t want to. Whilst a is in Mexico she sends me highly sexual messages again and of course I'm so hooked, i wake up to voice notes from r telling me she loves me that she wants to do everything with me, to read to her to go travelling, to do all these mad adventurous things etc and that when she gets back she needs to see me straight away and it'll be different this time we'll do sober things etc etc. at this point I'm flat sitting a friends flat so i finally have somewhere to stay - although only for a bit..
R arrives back and I'm so excited to see her, i don't want to fuck up this time and i want to be good for her, she also has regular lovers so maybe it's good that i now have someone else as well.. when r finally gets to the place I'm staying she's two hours late and she's full of mezcal telling me about a half a million property she's going to buy (what about wanting to get land like me). I'm cooking for her and we're making small talk but she just jumps on me and tells me to get into the bedroom so i do. she pushes me on the bed and tries to fuck me (again something i can have problems with cause past trauma) she hurts me so i tell her and she laughs and stops rather than asking what i want. I've never seen her so turned on, like, her clit is SWOLLEN anyways we have a LOT of sex for hours and hours can't stop touching each other telling each other how much we love each other, and i talk about the woman I'm dating and the sex... because i found it interesting because i struggle with casual sex / not having feelings for people who i sleep with but managing to have good sex with that person sometimes without having feelings (fucking for pleasure, as noted smth I struggle wi cause of trauma), i don't really remember chatting about it (she tells me the next day how inappropriate that is).. anyways it feels p fucking magical to be back with r and the next day she sees me running my errands whilst she's in her salon and asks me to get her for her lunch so i do and she comes up to the flat i'm staying in and we make out but then she becomes nasty to me - making fun of my clothes and then asking if i only like her for sex (very confusing as she always jumps on me when i'd much rather go and fucking do smth fun...). She tells me off for talking about a (very fair what a twat I am) and i'm mortified, i apologise so much and tell r maybe i was trying to show off or smth but i don't remember too well because i would never want to hurt her, i'm so desperate to make it work this time.. I move in with my close friend and I stop fawning over her so much, confused by the hot and cold.. I go and stay with people and I text her the same as always but I just seem to annoy her…
R sleeps with someone I know she doesn’t even like and I’m upset - what are we doing to each other!? I try to communicate this but everything I do annoys her, when I’m invited to a cottage with an and her friends I go, just for a night. Whilst there r starts phoning me manically asking to come over and that she needs to sleep next to me, but I tell her I’m out, not where, I should’ve said where I know.. been honest.. r sends loads of messages, I should just go and ring her but for some reason I don’t because I’m so anxious, I just text her I’m so sorry I’m away id love to be with her but we need to start arranging things rather than her expecting me to just drop everything there and then all the time - I honestly thought about driving my big van 2 hours back just to be there for her and I wish I had.. I say I’ll see her as soon as I’m back but it goes on at this place, I hate it I want to be with her.
When I get back the next day I cook r a massive meal and we try and watch a film.. I have no tv and no laptop just a shite iPad. I obviously can’t concentrate on it and it annoys r.. we have sex and she tells me she loves me but I don’t reply, I just stare confused… she says she needs to go and stay in her own bed, I ask if she wants company but she says no, so she goes. But she tells me to come in to the salon on valentines day to get my hair done..
I’m pretty ill at this point again and food isn’t going well with me and just super mentally unstable with everything going on and staking street valium each night.. it’s my pals birthday and I’m so anxious around everyone I get completely black out, take loads of drugs. My dog runs away and she is texting me maniacally I’m on the st tripping balls looking for my dog , I run to the park (past her salon) she sees me and runs out and grabs me I immediately have a panic attack and collapse, her staff bring me water and she comes out and calls my friends who come and get me, she messages me asking if I’m okay. I apologise not realising the gravity of the situation. Later she (rightfully) doesn’t want to talk to me when I try.. I lose my shit, she isn’t going to cut my hair, I accuse her of manipulating me, lying (she was always lying tbh and I knew it but just turned a blind eye) and not loving me, just using me for sex, complete psychotic drool. I don’t remember any of it, I was FULL of Xanax and everything else. I fall asleep and when I wake up I’m sick realising what I did, I ring her trying to apologise, of course she won’t speak to me, so I apologise profusely. She won’t see me again. I get it I’m awful, so awful, but I’m so full of panic.
I accept that she doesn’t want to see me but I get covid and keep filling with panic and sending her apologies ( I think on two occasions) and getting really cruel responses. I then pour my heart out, all romantic, the way she used to talk to me (I know I’m mortified) and she calls me disgusting and to focus on someone else (which hurt because my problem is I struggle with focus on someone because I’m so damn scatty/ avoidant a lot of the time, probs why I fell so hard for her because I couldn’t NOT focus on he be drawn and obsessed with her). I’m terrified of walking my dog certain ways and passing her salon worried she’ll accuse me of stalking because I messaged so many times to apologise.. if I do pass with friends she stares out at me..
But then she comes and talks to me on the street and says she will see me soon (she’d always say this when she sort of ended smth, to tell me it wasn’t really over in her code) so I thought it would be like all the other times she’s be annoyed and mess with other people then call me in crying again. So I message r and suggest a walk - she blocks me. I’m so mentally ill now, can’t go down the street and have panic attacks daily that my life is ruined, hurting someone like that and being so mean and also what she will be saying to people, people look at me differently like I’m mad (she got her ex barred from an art studios, another is seen as an abuser and has called other stalkers/ crazy). It was also (pure vanity) horrifying knowing everyone would think I was this evil crazy person.. so I’d try and stay out of her way but sadly struggle as her salon is on the main Street and I couldn’t keep making my friends walk a different way (they thought I was mad too). I continue seeing a for a 2 weeks but its too much so I ask for space but she then tells me she loves me and it feels too much like what I’d just been through (why am I now creating a new pattern)… I’m so lonely and fucked up and mad and weird that A continually gets back in because my boundaries are so poor and I’m so mentally ill and probably confusing her a lot :(. I go in and out of utter panic and trying to quit the st valium and relapsing. R sees me at gigs and sometimes tries to come up but I always freak out and have a panic attack, she comes out the salon when I walk by and goes smiles and tries to talk to my friends whilst ignoring me..
I go through homelessness again and a puts me up in her big flat she lives in alone (as a friend), but it’s such an odd situation because she keeps trying to initiate sex.. I see the salon shut for ages and get a weird feeling this is months later… July?… Just before R’s birthday.. I decide to message if she’s okay, the message goes through on iMessage so maybe I’m just blocked on WhatsApp idk? No answer.. I’m so manic not sleeping I take loads and loads of valium to try and shut my brain off and down gin, I’m on my own as A has gone away in the massive flat a st away from r’s and a st away from the salon everything is so fucking close.. anyways I go crazy from all the Valiums and somehow convince myself that if I just talk to r and tell her I mean no harm she will stop saying stuff about me and just be normal to me when we bump into each other. I go crazy ring loads. When she answers she goes hysterical screaming at me and laughing hysterically and calling me all these things. She hangs up and I ring and ring and leave nonsense drugged up voice notes like ‘does it make u feel powerful being so mean..’ Etc. I’m such an idiot I feel so bad for acting so odd and traumatised I decide to write to her and give her my favourite book I think about putting it in the post but she lives down the st so I think it’s an acceptable thing to leave it outside. When I get there she’s sat outside with her pals… she sees me and is like ‘hi.. what do you want’ I say I have something for her she just replies ‘sound’ so I give her the book and letters and she bursts out laughing..
I meet someone later (o) and then it turns out r was also trying to fuck them whilst with me and told a bunch of lies.. I go to a gay club with O and as soon as I walk in R is there, she just waves at me and I jump out of my skin. Fuck. I go over and I apologise profusely saying I’m having a manic episode and it’s no excuse (it really is no excuse - I’m aware my behaviour is fucked) but I say can I have a hug and she holds me, when I pull away she grabs me and puts her hand under my top whilst telling me she needs ‘space’ from me tonight and to leave, but that the letter was ‘sweet’. The letter was also like.. asking what the protocol was because I didn’t want to be accused of doing other disrespectful things - I’d been a prick and really shat on her boundaries apologising when she didn’t want to hear from me then going fuckin’ nuts and ringing her months later, but it was also cause I didn’t know if it was bad walking past the salon and how to avoid it or whether I was allowed/ should say hello - we WERE in love? I’ve never had to like idk police myself after being so entwined with someone, them knowing everything about me… and I just felt so ashamed of my actions and selfishly wanted to make up for it even though I knew that the only way to make up for it is to not apologise.. but ye I guess its also my life. R is involved in everything music, fashion, writing.. so I really wanted to be on like semi okay terms, but it was just completely fucked up of me trying to force that on a person and I truly am ashamed and have just been doing so much therapy since.
I did just about get myself on my feet, I got a council flat, got in to do my post grad, was playing music and had a gig lined up (smth I was nervous about again because r is friends with the gig organisers and other musicians involved) and then I had a serious rock climbing accident - smashed my left arm up pretty bad, had a lush two week stay in the hospital, two operations and a bunch of metal plates put in - it was a hard recovery as I’m so active usually and my council flat is like a st away from r’s salon and everyone who knows her in the queer scene and ye I walk out my flat and just get funny looks now because of it.. R did come and talk to me on the st one day after my accident I went to turn away but there was nowhere to go, so, idk it probably looked mental as but I put on my big grin and tried to just feel love and no animosity for her and just tried to chat normally and made a bunch of jokes and also apologised again, said I feel guilty and I think about what I did all the time, she told me to ‘let it go’ and made fun of my cast and chaos, kind of infantilising and kinda treated me like I was gross and bring up stuff that she knew would make me feel awful…
I pulled through my accident and even got a modelling contract with a pretty big agency, got funded to work on a film and started my postgrad.. but then things still happen all the time, a photographer blocks me, guess what, they’re friends with r. Two people working on the film, friends with R and I just feel weird around them, my friends ask me to go to events… r is djing. my best friend starts djing at the radio station r dis at and wants me to get involved but I know I can’t even though I’m friends with the person that runs the radio station. If I were to, r would get me banned and say it was to get to them or smth, which is not true, at this point I wish I could be as far away from them as possible. I’m scared to go and see my favourite musicians play as I always suspect r will be there as we have the same taste… scared to go to certain pubs I always went to.. before I met r I would spend days off at a cafe right by her salon and just read/ catch up on admin.. I’m too nervous now as she’ll again say it’s stalking/ her friends will think that too. My favourite food place was also next to her salon. I literally love the days it’s shut and I can just go down the main st like a normal person, funny thing is that’s the only time I ever see her other ex who is also too scared to go down the main st… it’s been so long now but I’m still crippled with anxiety, I know that she now has a partner so I thought maybe she might idk be full of love and evened out a bit, but she’s still trying to like talk to my friends.. and I know for a fact going around telling people I’m crazy, I tell myself it’s in my head that she’s doing this but then something happens.
I’m so young I just want to be happy, i make new friends and then if they make a move on me I freak out, can’t have sex at all, can’t be intimate. I don’t know when I’ll stop feeling like this. I guess I’m scared I’ll be awful to someone else like I was to R. And I know that my low self-esteem isn’t all due to R at all, if anything she built me up more than anyone else ever had… but I keep putting it on her in my mind and it’s obsessive and fucked up. I own a bit of land with a group of anarchist, working class queers now and we’re building huts to make a community - I’m on disability for my arm and the severity of my ‘ADHD’ and have so much opportunity to just write and try and make something of myself but I’m still so full of panic by the proximity. One of my other best friends good friend is close friends with R and so we can’t hang out together. They are creating a pop up poety/ wine night (I write poetry) so my pal wants me to be there desperately but I know r will be there and her friends who all think I’m an evil crazy bitch from hell. Which, I guess I am, but I’m trying not to be and treating me like shit forever and spreading things on top of the crazy shit I did which are fundamentally not true is just so difficult and makes me feel like I have to move away… I’m pretty sure after all this and my mind letting it continue that I definitely have BPD, all the symptoms are there but my mental health team just think it’s severe ADHD and possibly CPTSD and I just need to stick to my medication regimen (yay stimulants) and stay off of valium - I am!! But idk, everytime I think I’m doing something good I get scared that r will find out and tear it down.. it sucks, I have a lot of love and respect for her and wish I hadn’t done what I did but I did and I can’t change it.. so I guess I deserve it completely. But still, it’s difficult to make something of myself even though I deserve this..
Has anyone had a similar situation? any advice?

Hey all, just stumbled on this community today and was hoping for some advice.
I recently moved states and can't see my stylist any longer and need help finding a new source for good quality shampoo/ conditioner. My previous stylist used Pulp Riot dye (Velvet), and I absolutely love the color and the way it fades. They worked at a Fantastic Sam's, so I was using their salon brand shampoo and conditioner because my stylist vouched for it. Unfortunately, because of the move there are no Fantastic Sam's near me and I'm almost out of conditioner.
I'm still pretty novice at taking care of my hair myself, so I have no idea what to avoid or what would work best for my hair. Any suggestions? Please and thank you!
Side note, I hope this doesn't violate rule one, because it is a question about dyed hair care. If it does, I completely understand taking it down.

When I was 7 years old my mom and father got a divorce . This event prompted her to move and follow her career in a different small town which would pay better, as she was a single parent now .
On our long 12 hour drive to the new location, we stopped on the way in this little town which was very " hippy" , sort of had lots of art, little shops etc.
My mom said we were here to meet up with her friend "Paulette". I guess they went way back in her college days and recently got in touch after a decade .
We end up going to this east Indian restaurant where we would meet for dinner.
This slender somewhat fragile woman walks in , she was very tall , well over 6 feet , big frizzy, curly brown hair with blonde streaks in it . She was caucasian, wearing a colorful shawl , with feather ear rings , with very pale blue eyes .She looked like a mosaic tapestry or something.
She walks over to the table and gives my mom a greeting and big hug , makes her way over to my older brother and shakes his hand , after comes around to my side of the table. I lend my hand out to her , and she just stood there expressionless, with her mouth partly open with a blank gaze , just staring at me . It briefly made me uncomfortable and then a flick of a switch, this spark ignites in her face , she makes this huge Cheshire Cat smile , kneels over and hugs me tightly .
She goes back to sit with my mom and they catch up over the years while we eat dinner . My mom gets the bill and says to her in the parking lot , you can just follow us , to Paulette. We get in the car and my mom explains to us , Paulette is actually coming over to live with us for awhile.
She followed us for the next several hours . We get to the new place and un pack our necessity items, as we had a moving truck hired with the rest of our stuff arriving in the morning.
There was a bunk bed already set up at this place for me and my brother. It was fairly late into the night roughly 11pm when we arrived.
Me and my brother set up our sleeping bags , I take the top bunk . My mom says good night . I fell asleep pretty quickly .
I wake up around 1:30am. I guess the patio deck light got turned on which was right beside our room. I gazed out through the blinders and I see the back of Paulettes curly hair . She was sitting on the deck cross legged smoking a cigarette. I didn't think much of it and lay back down.. Until I notice the light from the window gets partly blocked out . I look behind me with my head still on the pillow , I see the unmistakable outline of Paulettes shadow facing my window. She was there for a few minutes , I didn't want to lean up , I just pretended to sleep .
Her shadow moves and I hear the front door close. The patio light turns off after a few minutes . I re position myself facing the wall to go back to sleep. As I begin to drift off, the door to our room opens slowly and I quickly turned my head around , it wasn't my mom . It's Paulette wearing a night gown . I turn back facing the wall and close my eyes . She quietly makes her way to my bunk . I feel her fingers in a claw formation start to comb the back of my hair , running her nails on the back of my scalp. I kept my eyes closed tightly nearly holding my breath, trying to give no signs I'm awake . I smell some essential oils like lavender , and she starts rubbing oil into the back of my neck , and pinching the back of my neck muscle , sometimes holding it and releasing , I begin to kinda just accept whatever is happening... because it didn't feel all that bad after awhile. I actually ended up falling asleep to it after my initial confusion.
I wake up in the morning, my mom is off at work and Paulette is waiting at the table with cereal for me and my brother. She put chocolate chips in my bowl and not my brothers . My brother and I make small talk with her , she was very giggly seemed to be trying to make us comfortable with the new situation. My brother heads back to his room to set up his game cube , after his cereal .
I was a slower eater than my older brother, so I was always the last at the table. As I slowly ate she was sitting there watching my every move . Once I finished I said, thank you and grabbed my bowl to bring it to the sink . She places her hand on mine and says " I gave you a neck massage so you wouldn't pee your bed, I know lots of young ones pee beds when they sleep in unfamiliar surroundings ". I looked up at her and said , I've never peed my bed before ! but thank you .
She continued to massage the back of my neck for the next few nights. I ended up telling her I'm comfortable here now you don't need to do this anymore . She reacted to that with a sigh but acknowledged it . I started elementary school the following week which meant getting earlier night sleeps around 8pm . Her and my mom would stay up much later than me and brother and drink wine.
I always waited for them to go to bed before I used the wash room at night to go pee , because my mom would kinda scold me for being up late on week nights. Once things got quiet around 11 in the house I'd sneak out and tippy toe to go use the washroom .
This was my ritual for the next few weeks.. Until Paulette started doing the exact same thing at the same time, every time. Every night when I needed the washroom, it just so happened Paulette needed it too, and she would blaze down the hallway across from my room when id open the door. I'd just go back in my room and wait for her . It started happening so frequently I would just go outside to pee from the back mudroom door.
This started to , piss me off ( no pun intended ) . I'd open my door as quietly as I could and then sprint to the washroom .
This seemed effective for awhile. One night I get up slightly later than usual around 12. I was a little more careless with noise because I was half asleep/ groggy . I opened the door and Paulettes door just slams open instantly. She barges out in the dimly moonlit hallway completely naked and just starts quickly walking down the hallway . I was already so far down the hallway , I couldn't turn back to my room . I jump behind my mom's jade plant and squish my knees to my chest and tuck my head down .
She whizzes straight by me so fast I felt wind push my hair . She stays in the washroom for almost an hour with the door opened a crack, lights off in silence. I stayed there beside the washroom tucked in the corner behind the plant pot not making a sound. I hear the washroom door open completely and she starts pacing up and down the hallway. I kept small and insignificant behind the plant until she goes back into her room. I brushed this off as a complete accident, it was just unfortunate timing .. But no every night going forward she would literally sprint down the hallway naked if I'd make a single noise , creak the floor board , open my door etc .
About two months into this , me and my brother were sword fighting with tree branches outside. He ends up clipping my forehead causing it to bleed pretty bad . Paulette sees this happen , she walks up to my brother, what I thought would be to scold him , but no she stomp kicks him in the head with her boot causing him to fall on his back. He gets up off the ground crying and runs into the house . She grabs me and starts cradling me , rocking back and forward. Shes shaking so much that she was vibrating, repeatedly asking are you hurt? In a shakey voice.
Anyway my mom finds out through my brother what happened and decides she had to leave.
Her final day, she made a point to see me one on one in the driveway before entering her car.
She knelt down and said, I hope I can see you in a different life . You remind me so much of my husband . Good bye (my name) and starts bawling her eyes out hugging me. I asked my mom who her husband was ? I guess he was a marine that died in Afghanistan a few months prior to her moving in with us . Mom said, she would frequently say how much I reminded her of him on a daily basis.
My mom hasn't spoke to her since.
I've never told my mom about the massages or anything to this day , as she was already exiled and I felt it would just cause more drama.