How did dave rossis wife die

Hey,
First time posting, and honestly it might come out all wrong so please bear with me.
I love my wife to bits, and I want her to get better.
The last three years she has been suffering with depression, she's medicated and in therapy and it has helped.
She was a stay at home mom while our boys were young and the idea was that she was going to become a doula (did her classes and everything) but now that the boys are in school full time, the depression has just gotten worse, and most days she's alive for about 4-5 hours of the day.
She often sleeps about 10 + hours a night, gets the boys ready for school then has a bath and naps till noon. About half the time she manages to cook supper, other times she's (as she calls it) doom scrolling on her phone for hours and I can't get her out of it.
I am a software dev, working 60-70 hours a week to make ends meet, and doing the renovations in our house (which is a fixer upper). Sometimes she has enough energy to help but more often than not no. On the weekends, I am either doing renovations are playing with the boys.
On the intimacy side, we are sometimes intimate (about once every 2 weeks-ish) previously it was every 2-3 days before the depression. Since the SSRI she has a much harder time to climax, often taking 1-1.5 hours till she gets there, using a bunch of toys and stuff to get her off. Often I don't get to finish with her as after she has her orgasm she typically just falls asleep. She even wanted to have elective procedure down there to help give her more sensitivity to no success.
Physically, we both haven't changed much over the past few years so it's not like we've let each other go physically.
I have always gone the extra mile because I love her, and I do my damndest to fulfill every wish of hers hoping it helps lift her out of her depression. She wants new clothing, boom it's hers. She wants a new appliance, bam it's delivered. She wants to go to a restaurant or see her girlfriends, she goes.
On the house upkeep side, I do most of the laundry wash and dry, she folds and I and the boys put our own clothes away. I bought robotic vacuums for both floors so no one has to vacuum, oldest son takes care of the cats, boys clean their rooms and play area. We try to live tidy lives as much as possible so it's not like there a ton of housework needed to be done or piled up. On the weekends since I'm not working I often do takeout on Saturday and cook a Sunday roast.
She wasn't like this at all when we first got married, had young ones. This is all the drastic changes since the depression set it.
I absolutely love her to bits and I really want to help her out of the depression and be happy again. I can't help feeling like I've failed her badly, dropped the ball etc.
I know she's struggling and doesn't like whats happened to her, but I got to admit. I am getting exhausted, feel like I'm carrying the weight of everything and often feel like I'm just a roommate to her.
I try as little as possible to let her know of my feelings because any time anything slips out its full on tears and calamity spiral on her part which does us both no favours.
I'm sure I omitted some details so if you need more info please ask.
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To those in similar situations, how have you dealt/coped with it? I am so exhausted, feel rejected/unloved by my wife, feel like I got to keep it all together for the sake of the kids and her mental health that mine is failing.
I tried BetterHelp to see if I can offload some of these feelings and the advice was basically "You said your vows for better or worse, this is worse deal with it" Which, to be fair I am not looking for an out. I am looking for a way to help her improve/deal with my feelings of being used/rejected by my wife (which I know she isn't doing because she's depressed, but it's hard not to feel this way after a few years of this)

As a postal dick rider I must say while postal 4 is lacking in some areas such as missions and how fun they are and getting to one pace from another I think its a pretty fun and alright postal game If there was like a unlimited ammo creative sandbox mode or some shit I would play it almost every fuckin day But I would have to wait for the workshop of the game to come out tho lmao I also think it's a great game that expands on the postal universe such as with characters like bunny n shit My least favorite part are the Wednesday and Thursday missions playing them felt like more of a chore and it was so difficult cause I barely had any ammo which I will admit may be my fault since I'm not that good at shooter games but I wish my ammo will at least stay the same as it did before I died because when you keep dying to a boss and constantly keep losing ammo it’s pretty aggravating and stressful to me It’s also very buggy to the point where if I die I get stuck in a loop where I keep getting no clipper to the void and + the stuff I said before about the problems with the ammo which makes finishing the game impossible I haven’t finished the game yet I’m in Friday and I already mentioned why I can’t beat it due to the bugs But that’s just my thoughts
Overall I like the game and think it’s a great addition to the postal franchise but I don’t have the patience enough with all the bugs n shit so I just hope that the game improves to the point where I can actually be able to beat it lmao

Hi! So basically, I'm 30 and visiting Japan for a week and a half with my wife as my birthday celebration. However, on the plane ride over here, I experienced a very uncomfortable and nearly constant feeling of pressure in my chest for pretty much the whole 14 hour plane ride. I am pretty sure it's a cardiac-related pain / discomfort because I also feel it when I drink caffeine (as of the past two weeks) - I think the air pressure difference in the plane might have agitated it but I don't know and it is unfortunately undiagnosed.
I'm only in Japan for about 10 days, but I'm honestly a little scared of the ride home if I have to suffer through feeling like my chest is being stepped on for another 14 hours. Or potentially worse.
I got travel insurance from heymondo, though I'm not sure what I need or how much of it would fall under policy. Moreover, I have no idea how to find medical help for this before my trip back to the US, and I only speak the smallest amount of broken Japanese. I would really like a cardiologist to listen to my symptoms, check me out and clear me to fly / give me medication or whatever else they think I need. Preferably before my expensive non -refundable flight home but I can give that up if it means not dying.

I find it funny how Misaki and Misaka got casually stomped by Anna, who they were trying to beat to prevent her from getting to Touma and getting Touma's cure from her, but Touma with St. Germain's help goes to Anna himself and not only beats her but gets cured albeit in a really sad way.
As for Touma and St Germain, I'm glad the LN lets you know their both just as afraid of death as the next guy but keep moving and risking their lives for others it humanizes them and makes them all the more sympathetic I wish more anime MCs were like this and were not the typical I'm not afraid of death or at least come across that way.
As for Anna, she seems to be the typical case of immortality sucks in this case she's lived for so long nothing can interest her anymore, and she's lost most of, if not all of her humanity.
But if there is one thing I did not like about this volume, or more accurately, I wish it did its make it where both St. Germain and Touma sympathize with her more since they both technically lived a long ass time. Touma especially should have been more sympathetic considering if Anna is to be believed and I was accurately paying attention, she's somewhat similar to Othinus in wanting something similar to an understander. I mean, I could see it as Touma being more annoyed considering he thought he was about to die thanks to Anna and unwillingly taking St. Germain with him and unlike the Othinus situation doesn't think he will be revived right after.
Also when I say just just finshed, I used to mean within seconds before making these post but nowadays, it could mean hours to a day later since I've gotten lazy anyways.

After a call from the Chief of Police, I pulled into Far Waters’ Police Station. They had a nine year old girl in custody—said I needed to “get here immediately.”
“This the girl?” I asked, pointing through the two way mirror into the interrogation room. Inside was a girl, tiny for her age, playing with a corn husk doll.
“You should have seen what happened to her parents, Jack. There were hardly enough pieces of them to make a positive ID.” Chief shivered. “Talk to her, see if she saw anything.” I walked around the corner to enter the interrogation room. “Hey, Jack!”
“Yeah?”
“Her name’s Emma. Please, go easy on her.”
When I enter the room she barely notices. “Hello, Emma, I’m a Detective.” She keeps playing. “Wanna see my badge?” Her eyes light up, and she nods. “Here,” I said, “why don’t you hold onto it.” She set her doll down and started examining my badge instead. “I’m here to talk about tonight. Do you wanna talk about what happened?”
“My parents died...”
“I’m sorry... Did you see what happened?”
“I’m not supposed to say.”
“Emma,” I take my badge back, “when you don’t talk to the police, then you’re committing a crime too.”
“But Billy will get mad!”
“Who’s Billy?”
“He’s… my twin.” She looked like she just let a secret slip.
“Let’s talk about Billy. Why would he get mad?” Her eyes hit the floor. “Emma,” I leaned in, “did Billy hurt your parents?”
“He wanted to protect me.” She picked her doll back up, talking to it instead of me. “Daddy wanted me gone. He was tired of being afraid of Billy. He knew if I went away Billy would too! That hurt Billy’s feelings, so he taught Daddy a lesson.” She hugged her doll, and tears began to well in her eyes. “When Mommy saw what Billy did to Daddy she tried to hurt me, but Billy got her first.”
“Where is Billy now, Emma?”
“He’s here.” I look around.
“I don’t see him.”
“He only comes out to protect me.” I thought about the girl’s parents. How did the Chief put it? Hardly enough pieces to ID?
“Emma, how would you and Billy like to come live with me?” She looked up at me confused. “You’ll need a new home now that your parents are gone, and I can raise you both!” Emma smiled ever so slightly. “Then one day we can teach you to be a police officer.”
“Huh?”
“Just think of all you and Billy could do! Once Billy got his hands on a few bad guys they’d start to think twice before committing crimes!”
Emma frowned, “You want me and Billy to hurt people? I don’t like that…”
“Emma,” I snatch the doll away from her, “when you have a gift, and you don’t use it, that makes you a bad person!”
“Stop it,” Emma whispered. I felt a small hand on my shoulder from behind. “You’re making Billy angry.”

I was left out of my father’s obituary when he died 2 years ago. I went NC 8 years prior to that, so I was kind of expecting to be left out. What I wasn’t expecting was to see my father’s sister listed in the obituary. My parents have been estranged from her for literally decades - since I was in diapers.
I can only assume that my mother kept my father’s sister in because she didn’t want to piss of my paternal grandmother, who would surely leave my father’s share of her assets to my mother and/or brother when she dies.
Has anybody else been left out of an obituary? How did it make you feel? I’m not really mad or upset about it, but I still think about it sometimes. The whole situation just seems a bit ridiculous and scummy - weaponizing death to forward your own agenda. I guess my mother thinks she got the last laugh.

TL,DR My mother was likely a closeted LGBTQ person her whole life. After I came out to all my family and friends, an old friend contacted me to tell me of a fling her mom and my mom had. It's a side of her I never knew about and gives me new perspective and empathy for her.
Full story: My mother died almost 5 years ago. My dad died about 20 years before that while I was just a teenager. They were both TBM but were both wonderful people and I miss them every day. I believe they were just products of the indoctrination and brainwashing of the Mormon church.
My family growing up was me, my younger brother, Mom, and Dad. Just 4 of us. Mom became very good friends with another woman (I'll call her Sharon) in the ward and soon their family and our family were all good friends. Their family was huge. 7 girls 1 boy ranging from early 20s to toddler. Almost just like the Nickelodeon show The Loud House, lol.
Our families did all kinds of stuff together. We were always over at their house having dinner or just hanging out. Trampoline sleepovers. Camping trips. We even went skiing with them 2 or 3 times. Then one day it all just stopped very suddenly, and our parents told us we were not going to be doing activities together any more. Us kids had no clue what happened and it killed us to know we were done hanging out. What happened? We saw each other at church but it just was never the same again.
When my wife and I left the church over a year ago it didn't take long for me to come out of the closet. My coming out story has been shared here before, but just a quick recap: I always knew I was attracted to boys starting in my teen years but I didn't know what it meant other than it made me embarrassed and ashamed to admit it to anyone. I was raised so sheltered that I barely had any concept of gay relationships. Seminary and the new Family Proclamation made my internal homophobia even worse. I was straight! I had to be! It's the only option in the Mormon church and I was a good Mormon boy, right? After my mission I struggled dating women. I was terrible at it and it felt so forced, and again I couldn't figure out why. But I met a tomboy girl in a college singles ward who I became friends with very fast and my family was so excited to see me with a girl, especially my mom, that we got pressured into engagement very quickly. Amazingly our marriage has endured and we've been together for 17 years now with 4 kids. My wife has been super supportive of me coming out and suspected my orientation for a long time. For now we are still co-parenting in the same home and separated by bedrooms to allow each other our own autonomy and privacy. We are ethical non-monogamous now and are free to date people if we wish. Our financial situation makes it difficult to seperate right now, but we are ok with staying together for now. We are, after all, still each other's best friend. Don't get me wrong, it was VERY rocky after I came out and it looked grim at times, but we're working though it. Counseling is helping too. She herself has come out as non-binary, still good with she/her pronouns and uses a gender neutral nickname when we hang out with LGBTQ friends. Even some of our kids are LGBTQ now.
Right after I made my big coming out announcement online to everyone I know, I (mostly) got lots of support and contacts from family and friends. Then I got a PM from someone I hadn't seen or heard from in decades. It was one of the kids from Sharon's family (I'll call her Megan). She called to let me know she supported me, letting me know she herself had come out as lesbian. Then Megan told me of a story that absolutely shocked me. Her mother Sharon told her when she came out and now she wanted to tell me.
Sharon and my mom were more than just good friends. They had romantic feelings for each other. One day one of them made a move (I was not told who made the first move and I'm not sure Megan knew either) and they made out. Then one of them hit the brakes and said we can't do this; this will destroy both our families. Realizing that they could not set aside the feelings they had for each other, the only solution they could come up with was to never see each other again, which meant the whole of both families unfortunately.
I was so floored upon hearing this news. I never knew! I thanked Megan for telling me and called my brother. I told him the whole thing. His response was equally surprising. "Well now I recall a memory that makes a whole lot more sense." he said. "I remember a night where mom and dad were fighting in the next room and the shouting woke me up. I remember lots of swear words" (which shocks me because I never heard my parents swear) "and then I heard Dad say 'well why don't you just go run off with Sharon then'. Now I know what that was all about." We were both just shocked. A piece of Mom's life we never knew.
So much more about her life makes sense now too. She was very "tom boy"ish. Not that that automatically makes someone queer but it can be a common trait. After Dad died she never remarried. There were even a couple of times where she deliberately rebuffed a couple of men. She had absolutely no interest in remarrying.
So now I just feel so much empathy for my mom. Megan told me how she went to go visit with my mom and tell her that she knew about her feelings for her own mom. My mom vehemently denied the whole thing, which just makes me so sad really. I never got the opportunity to come out to my mom. Would my coming out have given her the courage to admit her feelings? I don't know.
It frustrates me that as long as the church keeps cis-hetero marriage a literal required ordinance for access to the highest heaven, all queer members of the church will be forced to live with an outrageous amount of cognitive dissonance for their own feelings. It perpetuates internalized homophobia, self loathing, confusion about one's own gender and orientation, suicidal ideation, and on and on. The church can claim all they want that they love LGBTQ people, but until that marriage doctrine changes there will still continue to be untold damage done to queer members.

The Craigslist ad said they needed another man for a moving and install job for about 3 days work, email for details.
Kevin figured it was probably a scam of some sort, but he was broke and needed a couple hundred bucks ASAP to make his car payment; the buy-here/ pay-here lot he bought it from was scarily efficient at tracking down their vehicles. So he sent his reply email from his phone in the public library cause his internet was off at home and the month to month phone plan didn’t include internet access. He hoped they’d text him instead of emails because texts always dinged when they came through but the gmail message notifications were turned off. He tried turning that on once, but his phone dinged and buzzed every 16 seconds for 14 hours straight and it drove him nuts.
But god, he hoped they contacted him, he needed the cash. A hundred bucks a day for three days would get some food and make the payment and maybe a tank of gas. Or maybe half a tank since gas is almost $4 a gallon.
The text he got back about three of the longest hours of his life later said they could definitely use him, if he could meet their criteria. They explained “Patricia's Labor” was a small company, started by their mother originally to do cleaning for homeowners and businesses in the area. They were a small crew of mostly family members and had branched out to do moving and construction work also. Basically they had double booked a priority air-conditioner installation with another big moving job and needed another body or two to help. They had an electrician and a HVAC tech guy to do the technical work but they needed at least one more guy for the heavy lifting and to run tools and materials back and forth, do some site prep like shoveling, and stuff like that. It definitely sounded good to him.
Could he meet at the grocery store off of Gilbert at 8am sharp, just down the street from the convenience store? They’d pick him up and drop him off from there.

• That was easy enough, reasonable walking distance from his apartment

Did he have some steel-toed work boots? Preferably brown or tan, so they would look like they were all uniform? Good footwear is important when moving heavy stuff, one guy had worn gym shoes once and dropped a compressor on his foot and broke it.

• He had black boots - was that OK? Strong “no” - they had to be tan or brown. But since it was short notice, they’d reimburse him up to $40 if he brought a receipt with him, Wal-mart has a good pair that will be about that including tax.

Did he have some decent jeans? Dark blue preferred, no holes or tears and they had to fit right no droop or sagging so his underwear showed,

• No problem, he had those

Does he have work gloves? Not mandatory, but will definitely be helpful.

• Yeah, he had some of those too.

White tee shirt? Not a ‘wife beater’ - a clean white tee, and they would give him a company zip up hoodie to wear over it, so they look uniform and professional.

• No sweat, he had a couple tee’s that were mostly still white.

OK, since they were planning to reimburse the boots anyway, they’d write him a check for that, and a separate check for his pay. He could cash them right at the grocery store there, they’d throw in the extra $5 for the check cashing fee because they don’t like to carry cash (says so right on their trucks - ‘driver carries no cash’)
And sorry, this is technically illegal, but it makes their life easier- there will be some heavy lifting and using some tools - he wasn’t missing any fingers or anything, no physical handicaps? No? Good. Don’t want to run afoul of EOE rules, but if you’re handicapped you really can’t do the job.
By the way - how tall is he and what does he weigh? About 5’10 and 240 pounds? Perfect, that’s about the same size the other guys are, one of them will have an extra hoodie he can bring.
And one last thing - he doesn’t have any racial issues, does he? The HVAC guy and Electrician are Nigerian - pretty dark complected and with accents - one guy they found on Craigslist was some kind of right-wing white supremecist nut…. No, Kevin is black too, no worries.
Everything sounds great, look for the white van in the lot tomorrow at 8. If it works out for these first two or three days, there will probably be more work in the future.
At 745am, Kevin is waiting in front of the grocery store in his brand new boots, jeans and white tee. He’s feeling good, its a nice day and it gets even better less than ten minutes later when a guy wearing a green hoodie and carrying an identical one walks around the corner.
Must’ve parked on the street on the other side of the building. Whatever.
The guy starts to hand Kevin the hoodie in his hands, but frowns. In his strong accent he says “they told me size medium. No worries though” - and he pulls the hoodie off his back and hands that one to Kevin instead. It’s definitely a funny bright color green, but the logo looks professionally done, black script like a signature “Patricia’s Labor” on the back and “Patsy’s” much smaller on the front lapel.
He pulls two checks out of his wallet and shows them to Kevin. A check for $40 for the boots ( reimbursement for the generic Wal-Mart boots that look just like the one the African has on), A check for $155 - $150 for the day’s labor, and he says the extra $5 is for the check cashing fee. He stuffs those in an envelope and hands them to Kevin.
For about a nanosecond Kevin debates mentioning it was supposed to be $100 for the day instead of $150 . He decides the extra $50 is just good karma or something. Puts him in an even better mood too.
“Go ahead in Kroger and cash those, I’ll pull the truck around, ‘kukuona kwa dakika moja’ - that’s Swahili - means see you in a minute”
Kevin is thrilled this job thing is legit, its gonna solve some problems, so he smiles back and replies “kukuona kwa dakika moja” as best he can, and apparently his accent amuses the African because he yells it back to me as he goes around the corner, so Kevin yells it back to him - they go back and forth as Kevin walks into the store, stuffing his work gloves into one of the hoodie pockets.
Kevin vaguely notice the siren getting louder, from somewhere vaguely down the hill towards downtown.
Kevin walks right up to the customer service desk and since there is no one in line, he hands the clerk the envelope with the checks in it, and vaguely noticed there is writing on the back side of the envelope, in miniscule writing and orientated upside down from where he’s standing so he can’t quite make it out.
The clerk’s smile drops as she reads the writing and hits the alarm. She shrieks “He’s got a gun!”
Things happen very quickly after that.
The Security guard by the entrance pulls out his gun and points it at Kevin.
Kevin yells “what the hell?”
The sirens are getting closer
The security guard is stammering something that Kevin can’t quite make out, and looks more nervous and scared than Kevin does. Kevin throws his hands up, and when he does the work gloves fall out of his pocket. There are several gun shots somewhere close, sounds like they are right outside the building.
The guard panics and shoots twice, one gets Kevin in the shoulder, the second goes who - knows - where. There is a lot of blood. Things get kind of gray and washed out and there is a roar in his ears - he thinks he is losing consciousness.
Some time later - minutes maybe. He is aware of being lifted onto a stretcher. His whole left side is painful as hell and he feels cold. There is blood all over his brand new boots.
There is still lots of yelling. He fades out again.
The next time he wakes up, he is obviously in a hospital room. There is still lots of yelling.
This time, it’s an angry nurse yelling at a guy in a suit. She’s telling him to get out before she calls security. He says he needs to talk to him now, and he must be awake because he is staring at us.
The nurse relents, but stands by.
“On behalf of Uniform Security I want to offer our heartfelt apology as to what happened today. We are willing to compensate you for what occurred if you sign this release immediately. We will of course cover all of the medical costs associated with your unfortunate accident, and we will pay you the sum of $20,000 today.” He shows Kevin a check made out in his name for $20,000, and shoves a clipboard onto the bed under Kevin’s good hand (the other arm is immobile in some sort of cast/ splint thing). He then shoves a pen into Kevin’s hand.
Kevin is still sedated, but realizes something big is going on. All he can ask is “what happened?”
The lawyer sighs.
“The investigation determined that at about 738 AM a male black, approx 5 foot 11 and 250 pounds bright green hoodie over blue jeans and tan work boots assaulted the cashier at a gas station approximately two blocks from the grocery store. He collected an undetermined amount of cash from the register. He then ran towards the convenience store one block east and demanded the clerk there give him the money in the register. Both incidents are on the security cameras at those stores, and both victims indicated that he had a strong foreign accent, possibly African.
Witnesses indicate that the subject then ran towards the grocery store where your unfortunate incident took place. The manager on duty there had a police scanner and having heard the police dispatched for the other incidents had warned his staff. You entered the store and matched the description perfectly, and were also yelling in a foreign language, possibly African. You handed the customer service agent two fake checks in an envelope with writing stating that you were armed and wanted all of the cash in the drawer. She became fearful for her life, and when she activated the audible alarm and yelled the security guard was startled and accidentally discharged his weapon, striking you in the shoulder.
One crucial witness saw you meet with another male your same height and general build wearing exactly the same clothing as you, who gave you the distinctive green hoodie he was wearing that you then put on. As you walked into the store, he climbed into a silver Dodge pickup, and the witness saw he had a large handgun tucked into his waistband. This witness flags down a passing officer and points to this subject. Upon seeing the policeman, the African opens fire at him, but the officer is able to shoot more accurately and remove that threat. He calls for backup, and then more backup as he hears shots from inside the grocery store.
The suspect who was shot is a known felon, and there were several emails on his cell phone to people like you in different areas of the city. It looks like he invented this “Patricia’s Labor” Craigslist scam to recruit people to take the fall for similar robberies he had planned in different areas of the city. There were several more bright green hoodies in a box on the passenger seat.”
Kevin barely digests that long explanation, and starts laughing. He laughs so hard the nurse rushes the lawyer out despite the lawyer’s sputtering protests. He laughs so hard a doctor shows up and gives him something that puts him back out.
The name on the front of the hoodie wasn’t the most common abbreviation for Patricia, but it was the most apt.
Patsy.

so in expedition just now I experienced an on death kill effect I believe - it looked like purple crystals of some sort that grew in size and had a pshhwwwwhshsshhwwwshshs sound and in 2 seconds pop Im dead - so literally how tf did an on death effect happen when I have the enemies are destroyed on kill mastery? if anyone has any idea what just happened to me it would be great
I notice essence monsters that die summon something like ice golems that smash the ground - I mean those arent dangerous for me and always thought it was super weird it happens since it looks like an on death effect
there has to be another mechanic that does shit after death that is not considered an on death effect that caught me so off guard this time
I suppose the safest thing to do is just get tf out of the way 100% of the time I kill a monster for that .01% of the time some weird shit happens that auto pops me

This has been a large thorn in my personality which stems from my family as I was growing up.
Wife an I recently had an argument about something I said to her at a friends house, out in public. Meaning in the small living room/kitchen, some folks in both areas must of heard my thoughts come out.
I only referenced that facts, that we didn't take the opportunity in the past to do such and such, because we were nit-picky about some budget. It was a once and a life time thing that won't ever happen again.
Course, because I criticized her about it, she didn't openly tell me how angry she was that night until 3 days later.
How come I hear people on podcasts, TV, radio, out in public openly criticize something, but YOU NEVER get to see the result of how possibly damaging it could be. Someone on a podcast once criticized their own wife for doing something silly in the kitchen. The guests chuckle and that was it. Why did they say such things? I can only assume his wife must of punch him in the guys when he got home that night. I am only assuming.
The take away from the argument with my wife is this, just keep personal opinions down to a minimum. But to start, it's a never as a start. It's how I personally function, there is no other way.
Anyways, that's all I got to share for today.
Thanks for reading.

“Half to the left, half to the right.” The soldiers separated, following the order as they marched through the empty streets of the city. The once bustling metropolis was covered in a blanket of fog, a desolate and lonely sight. The people were being led by the sorcerers to a convoy of massive trucks, hushed and panicked voices mingling together as they were loaded inside. The trucks were windowless to the people, preventing them from seeing it go through the portal located a few miles away from the city. A few people had refused to evacuate, and were currently being held down and forced into handcuffs and a separate truck.
Commander Arena Aegis of Padan Services’s Scourge Defence Division turned back to the city. Although there hadn’t been specific reports of a Scourge in the area, the fog that engulfed it did not seem natural in the slightest. She waited and a few seconds later, Kyra Illude joined her side.
“Are you ready?” She pulled her goggles down onto her eyes.
Arena shot her a grin. “When am I not?” She held out her hand and a portal opened, fractured glass spilling out. It caught itself and formed into the shape of a spear which Arena grasped. “Much appreciated.”
They stepped inside, the precautions having already been taken to prove that the fog was not harmful to touch or inhale. It rose a good five metres off the ground, shrouding everything from view. Arena kept her eyes sharp. There were always three things to watch out for about a Scourge: appearance, magical ability and hunting method. The appearance would differ from Scourge to Scourge, from amount of limbs to skin to body shape. There was only one thing they all had in common - they were too close to humans for comfort’s sake. By itself, the knowledge of its appearance was rather useless, except that it gave insight into the next two factors. Magical ability was what most gave Scourges their edge - the extra power to transform them from a regular monstrosity to a force of nature. Hunting method was how they collected their food, from echolocation to burrowing underground and emerging to flying overhead and swooping down - a secondary, more physical ability. Of course, there were other factors to take into account when fighting a Scourge, such as their healing factor, their affinity for human souls and their ‘grace period’, but those remained rather consistent.
Arena pressed her finger to her wristband. “Team Alpha, is everything clear on your end?”
The voice spoke into the earpieces of both Arena and Kyra.“Affirmative.”
“Team Beta, what about yours?” Not the most creative names, but [eh].
“No sign of the Scourge but we have uncovered a group of survivors.”
Arena frowned. The lynceuses should have scoured every building and uncovered the people that hadn’t been evacuated. “Proceed with caution.”
“I’m trying to communicate with them, but they don’t seem to be-” the voice was cut off and replaced by a strangled cry and then the thump of a body. Gunshots and cries were heard through the audio before silence fell.
Arena whipped around to face Kyra. “What did you see?” All soldiers were outfitted with a body-cam that Kyra’s goggles were able to connect to in order to allow her to create portals to their destination if needed. Distracting in battle, but useful outside of it.
“One of the people jumped forward towards him. As soon as they touched, he collapsed. Everything else happened too fast and too chaotically.”
Arena nodded. She tapped onto her wristband and began broadcasting a message to all the soldiers in and out of the city. “Do not engage with citizens you see in the fog. I repeat, do not engage.”
Kyra opened a portal and a long sniper rifle fell from it into her hands. More portals opened and sand swept out in gallons, converging into a swirling vortex around Arena. Kyra opened a portal and the two of them stepped through next to the bodies of Team Beta. Arena knelt down and lifted one of them up.
“Yep, the souls are definitely gone.” Her mind analysed the possibilities of what the Scourge could be. Mind control? She hadn’t heard of Sensitive abilities also transmuting the ability to steal souls. A necromancer then? Possibly, but there’d be more signs of death and decay if that was the case. And there was still the matter of the fog to take into account.
Kyra’s voice brought her back to reality. “Over there.” Her gun was raised towards a group of five people, all standing there as still as corpses, just a few metres away. “Permission to fire?”
“Hold on. We don’t know the full extent.” Arena took the first tentative step. “State your name and business.” Her voice shifted to become more imperative, a slight edge that demanded to be heard and obeyed. The foremost person leapt forward and was immediately hit with a wave of sand, pinning it down to the ground. The impact slammed away the fog in a gust, exposing what lay underneath. As soon as the person was in the open air the image disappeared, leaving a long, fleshy tendril with a clawed nail where it had been. The rest of the people flickered and vanished, revealing more fingers that stretched into the distance. They retracted back into the fog instantly.
Arena tapped on her bracelet as the sand surged back. “The Scourge is an illusionist. I repeat, the Scourge is an illusionist. Do not hesitate to open fire on any people that do not respond. Deploy elementals to blow away the fog.” More glass poured out of a portal that formed itself into a pseudo-surfboard, which Arena and Kyra hopped onto. It zoomed through the city and pushed away the fog as gunshots ricocheted across the streets. Seems that the people had finally all been evacuated and the rest of the soldiers were joining the fight. Kyra peered through the fog to the best of her ability, shooting every once in a while into iy. Rising above, Arena could see what was in the middle of the city - a massive column of fog that rose hundreds of metres above the city.
A hand tore itself from the fog, the illusion breaking as it reached to grasp them. Arena’s spear flew from her hand, dancing through the air and slicing through the fingers with ease.
“You ready to take this beast down?” called Arena.
Kyra gave her a small smirk. “When am I not?” A massive portal opened up above them and sand poured down, an endless supply that swirled faster and faster until Arena sent it surging forward towards the pillar of fog, blowing the fog away in one move.
Hanging onto a skyscraper in the middle of the column, with long, emancipated limbs that wrapped around it, massive milky white eyes and a mouth hanging wide, wide open with a horde of arms reaching out of it down into the fog was the Scourge. Arena felt a rush go through her body, not of fear like it once would have been, but pure adrenaline.
It lifted its head to observe the pair, the hands whipping out of the fog and surging towards the pair. Kyra snapped her finger and a massive portal swirled opened in front of them, swallowing up the hands. Before they could retract, the portal snapped shut, leaving behind only stumps. The flesh began to bubble as the wounds closed and hands started to sprout again. Arena flicked her hand and her spear flew through the air, piercing into the eye of the Scourge. The spear trembled and shattered into shards, shredding the eye into ribbons before returning and reforming at her side.
The hands spasmed erratically as they healed, plunging down into the fog again. They rose out of the fog a few seconds later, surrounding the pair as they surged forward. Bullets and glass littered the sky as Arena evaded the assault, tearing above the city as the hands chased them around. Energy beams tore themselves from the fog and burned into the main body of the Scourge. Seemed that the soldiers had finally made their way to the centre. Some of the hands deviated and surged down into the depths of the city.
Whirring started to emanate from the boundaries of the fog. Mounted on top of a car, a massive turret was building up power, growing brighter and louder every second that passed. The turret was designed to send out a burst of energy that would pass harmlessly through matter such as concrete and glass. However, organic matter wasn’t as lucky. It released a blast of colour that tore through the sky and burned into the Scourge’s body, tearing a hole into its torso. The hands went spastic, retracting and thrashing wildly around. Bingo.
Arena raised her hand and gave Kyra a quick nod. The sand was swallowed up by portals at the same time that glass was released. It formed together into a massive spear, casting shattered sunlight onto the desolate city. She threw it right into the wound. It dug in deep and then exploded.
Scourges tended to have unnaturally tough skin, with the flesh healing faster than anything could destroy it. However, if one managed to get past the outer layers, then they would find the Scourge much more vulnerable. The glass shredded the Scourge’s main body into ribbons, tearing through flesh and bone until the arms all finally stilled. Kyra led Arena through a portal onto the ground as the commander collapsed onto the ground, sweat pouring down her face. A water bottle dropped down and Kyra handed it to Arena. She took a swig.
“How close was it that time?”
“Around five got within a few centimetres of us - at least, of the ones that I remember.”
Arena let out a low whistle. “We really should bring Claren to these things.”
Kyra shrugged. “I mean, we haven’t died yet.” She hooked her arms under Arena’s and tried her best to drag her up. “Alright, up you come. We can’t have our commander slouching around.”
Arena sighed but stood up, pushing off the tiredness and rolling her shoulders back. Kyra opened a portal and the two of them stepped through to the outskirts of the city. There was a team cleaning up the remains of the Scourge, wandering through the city to find and destroy any traces of it. The mission had been as successful as could be when regarding a Scourge invasion - minimal destruction of housing, minimal death and perhaps her and Kyra would be back in time for dinner. The fog was starting to dissipate, now only a thin mist which was being blown away in the wind. The soldiers had all met up outside the city, haggard and tired. The bodies were being carried outside. Less casualties than usual, she noted. Seems that Kyra and her had kept it distracted enough for the soldiers to keep themselves afloat.
“Take the bodies to the infirmaries. The doctors will take them off your hands.” The soldiers nodded and walked through the portal. The group was made up of Sanctuary soldiers, Padan Services’ own employees and various factions of crime in the magical Australian underworld. Teams sent to deal with Scourges, except for a few exceptions, were small - small enough that the Scourge wouldn’t grow in power exponentially if the mission went awry. A buzz came from her wristband and she tapped on it. “Commander Aegis here. What seems to be the situation?”
Heavy breathing came from the other end, as well the sound of boots against the ground. “Fuck, fuck shit! There’s a-” the sound cut out for a few seconds. “There’s another one coming!” The voice started to scream, loud and piercing, until the sound of a crunch echoed through the earpiece and left only the buzz of static.
“Everyone on your feet! There’s another Scourge in the area!”
The soldiers jumped to their feet and grabbed their weapons in a rush, either used as their firepower or to strengthen their magic. Glass swirled in the air, a storm of slivers and shards that hung in the air. Then came the sound of feet upon the ground, like dry thunder.
A beast came charging out of the city, springing from building to building with grace and agility a being of its size shouldn’t have. It was emancipated horribly, wizen and wrinkled with limbs that bent at wrong angles. Its face was long and its eyes were beady, sunken deep into what barely passed as flesh. Gunfire rained onto it.
It hissed and a harsh clicking sound came from its mouth, almost insidious in its quietude. The bullets bit into the building, shattering glass which then flew up and dug into the Scourge’s flesh. It leapt down and was shoved back by a gust of wind from an elemental, causing it to stumble back. A jagged spear of glass pierced it right through the eye and exited from everywhere else. It had gone down so fast, the turret hadn’t even had time to ready.
The soldiers cheered. Arena narrowed her eyes. That was too easy. Her mind started to rush as the adrenaline, brought back a second time and now refusing to fade, brought every little detail and thought to the surface. The Scourge was tiny. Much bigger than a human could ever be, but simply too small. It hadn’t displayed any of its magic yet, and for some reason its healing didn’t kick in quick enough to save it. Lastly, and most chilling, was that considering the speed at which it was running, there was no chance it could have gotten from the other soldiers to here in the time that it apparently did. Something was wrong.
Arena held up her hand. “Save your celebrations. It’s not over yet.” She waved the soldiers back from the Scourge. She paused for a split second before coming to a conclusion. “I’m going to approach the body. Lieutenant Illude, bring me to safety if anything happens.”
Out of view of the soldiers, Kyra shot her a worried glance but nodded.
Arena stepped forwards and observed the corpse. She threw her spear again and sliced the head off of the body. Well, if it wasn’t dead before, it was certainly dead now. Unless it was a zombie Scourge. She waited a few seconds for it to lurch up. Probably not.
A hand tore itself out of the main body and a portal engulfed Arena. As she stepped back next to Kyra, more hands and limbs erupted from the Scourge, covered in slick and gore as they tore themselves from the corpse. The figures collapsed to the floor, shuddering and shaking before standing upright on limbs too long for a human.
Kyra was the first to act, firing a bullet right into the head of one of the figures. They were the next to act, dropping to all fours, bounding over and tackling one of the soldiers to the ground. Its mouth opened and teeth dug into flesh, rending a hole into the soldier’s shoulder. His soul swirled from the wound and the soldier stiffened, slumping to the ground as the figure stood up. Its body bulged, flesh rippling and roiling as it grew bigger. Several bullets shredded into it and it fell to the ground. A few of the soldiers who couldn’t get back in time fell, but Kyra’s portals swirled and set the soldiers and the monsters a few yards apart. A clicking sound - the same one that emerged from the original Scourge, started to rise in the air. Arena held her arms in the air as glass spread out all around the monsters and then brought her hands together.
Before anyone could take that first breath of relief, that relaxing of tension, they heard more sounds coming from the encroaches of the city. Another Scourge, almost identical to the one that had spawned those monsters, came crawling onto a building. And then another, and then another, until five of them were sprawled out across the buildings, all making the same clicking sound. Before gunfire could start tearing through the air again, the Scourges leapt to the ground and started to run, bounding past the group or retreating further into the city, ignoring the sorcerers entirely.
One of the soldiers spoke up. “Captain, what does that mean?” Arena chewed her lip. “They’re avoiding us because they know they can’t win - or they don’t see it as worth the potential loss. More importantly, they’re communicating, like a hivemind.” She turned to Kyra. “Lieutenant, what direction are those Scourges headed?”
“The ones headed deeper into the city would be enroute to another one far south. They should be there in a few hours based on that speed.”
“Send the soldiers over to that city now. Call for backup from the Sanctuaries, tell them to get more men and turrets down there.” Kyra nodded and opened up a large portal, large enough for the turret to be wheeled through and the soldiers to follow suit. Even without their commander, they had a team leader, and were well-trained or at least briefed enough to know what to do. The portal closed and it was just Kyra and Arena.
“So, Kyra, where do you think these ones are going?”
“My guess? Some sort of meeting place. Like a nest, or maybe even a hive.”
“A hive, eh?” Arena extended her hand as she got on top of the surfboard of glass, which Kyra gracefully grasped and hoisted herself up with. “Well then, how about we go do some exterminating?” The commander and her lieutenant sliced through the air, following the echoing sound of clicking into the endless, desolate plains.

I was a fisherman because my father was a fisherman. And his father was a fisherman before him; this is all my family has ever known.
I worked on my father’s boat as one of his deckhands for years. We caught crabs in the Bering sea. Essentially, we would dunk massive metal cages into the water, trapping the crustaceans miles below. It's a tough living, and definitely something not for the faint of heart. You wake up to the murky haze of sunrise, the sea breeze chilling your bones, the smell of salt and the fresh guts of fish clinging to your nose like rust to the hull. Ninety percent of greenhorns never make it past their first day. Many of them were drifters, new to our community. The job paid well, so it attracted men who were eager to work. And my father was always willing to give anyone a shot. But the truth of it was, the job just wasn’t for everybody.
Something always hurt: whether it was your neck, your back, or your joints. It didn’t matter. If you left the harbor in our boat, you best be prepared for the grueling day or my father would toss you over himself.
I watched many a man perish on expeditions, swallowed up by the ravenous sea. Careless or stupid or just plain unlucky.
Things had been going smoothly, though, recently. There were a lot fewer casualties and some very nice yields. A few of the older deckhands at the pub had even quoted this as a “legendary” year. We drank to our good fortune. It wasn’t the same story we were hearing from some of the other vessels, but some years were better than others. It was just how the tide turned.
As I said, it’s an honest living and all I’ve ever known is Thally. It was renamed after my father’s first love, but he’d said if Mum ever asked it was named after the Greek Goddess of the sea. The ship had seen its fair share of tumultuous expeditions, but it always managed to steer us home with my father at the helm.
The day I realized he was in trouble, it was far too late. My father had slipped past the point of no return. In actuality, he had been slipping for months, but he was an incredibly stubborn man, impossible to deal with at times. You would just have soon put a bullet in his head if you kept him off the water. But the signs were there. His now shaky hands had once been the most steady spearfishing hands our town had ever seen. His lungs were once exceptional: many old timers at the bar claimed he could hold his breath for ten minutes. Now, he would cough out a watery tar-like residue from them. He stumbled over his words, occasionally forgetting some of the greenhorns’ and deckhands' names.
The signs were all there, and I chose to ignore them.
I think it was because he was the strongest man I ever knew; I couldn’t fathom him needing help. He taught me everything—how to fish, how to swim, how to gut and cook them once you were done. And that was everything in our fishing community. But I guess strong men get old too.
The only reason I caught him was the fussy latch on the door. He jiggled it in frustration as he left, another project left by the wayside. The wind swung the door open in a violent clap; the howling and whistling traveling through the home. A moment later, my coat was on and I followed him into the cold.
The conditions were wretched: the rain fell from the sky in a ruthless downpour. I followed the beacon of light from his lantern. He walked onto the dock and untied the mooring line before entering Thally. The beating of the rain was so intense it drowned out my footsteps and pleas for him to stop. But there was a whistling that could be heard. Its high-pitched tune seemed to float through the conditions, lingering by the dock.
I sprinted once the lights turned on, the motor purring. I barely managed to slide on deck before it drifted off to sea.
***
I’ve been on the water long enough to know we don’t belong there. This stormy night was no exception. The precarious weather would mean waves as tall as houses. In much milder conditions, it was easy to get tossed off deck, plunged into the depths of the dark unknown. High tide was not to be messed with. My father understood all of this, and yet he steered Thally into the choppy waters. The waves sloshed back and forth, creating slick pools that slid from one end to the other.
It was reckless. Unforgivable. Only a fool would steer into the eye of a storm, and my father was far from a foolish man.
He was a very superstitious man, that I knew. He believed in many silly things. Most were innocuous and standard to sailor folklore. Try to bring a banana on board (even so much as an item containing artificial flavoring, the kind you’d find in candy that tasted like awful chemicals) and he’d send you packing. Every morning he’d kiss the rosary above the helm and say a prayer before we’d dock. They made me smirk, these superstitions, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. Our best years came under his reign, and when he made money, we all made money—including all of the businesses down the supply chain. The man just seemed to have a knack for it. He knew all the sweet spots and had a feel for where we should be.
Lightning sparked above us. I held onto the railing and stumbled my way toward the entrance of the wheelhouse. The thunder that followed made me flinch. It erupted above, sending trails of jagged light zig-zagging across the cluster of ominous clouds. I twisted the handle, but it didn't move. I could see a faint hue of light past the cloudy glass and the steps ascending upwards, but no sign of my father. Banging on the door was useless, the water continued to pummel everything in its wake, drowning out the noise.
Except for the whistling. It was steady. Unwavering. The calm song seemed to dance above the water, hovering around the main deck.
I threw my hands up in frustration. My father had finally lost it. They always said too much time at sea would do that to you.
Searching for something to help me gain access, I held onto the handle for dear life. With a sudden jerk of the ocean, my hand slipped. I rolled across the deck, my back slamming against the railing on the periphery. My cheek felt cold against the soaked wood floors. A gush of water quickly followed, flowing into my face and sneaking into the crevices of my raincoat, invading my wooly sweater and long johns underneath. I moaned in agony, spitting out a sticky gob of salt and blood.
The boat continued to teeter violently with the waves in large, helpless dips. I managed to get to my knees, desperately clutching the railing. My back felt like it had been scorched. All the while, I cursed my father.
I needed to find shelter or it was a matter of time before I would be underwater. The main deck was largely open. It would be impossible to get to the living quarters or engine room, the water was too treacherous and the distance too far. I needed to go back the way I came and get to my father before it was too late.
Amidst the haze of the rain, I spotted the tool bench that housed some basic tools. I waited until the ebb and flow of the waves had mellowed before timing my staggered run. When the deck leveled, I ran. I felt the muggy squish of salt water between my water-logged boots. As the boat began to rise again, I grasped one of the railing barriers wrapped around the metal bench. A wave of water dropped down, chopping at my body. I swayed momentarily before my feet were sent airborne. The arctic chill brought shivers as it whipped my drenched skin. I gasped. The tips of my fingers were numb as I scrambled to my feet.
Once the waves settled, I fiddled with the combination. The lock clicked open, and I grabbed the first two objects that looked like they could do damage—an iron mallet and a pair of pliers—and waited for the next sequence of waves to settle. I trudged back toward the stairs. The waves tilted the boat at a harsh angle. I stumbled, losing grip of one of the tools. The pliers skidded away in the darkness, disappearing into the black waters. I clutched the mallet for dear life.
The window vibrated with every heavy thud. I brought the mallet down as hard as I could, my arms trembling. After a couple of powerful whacks, tiny spiderweb cracks began to emerge. It eventually shattered, allowing me to reach in and unlock the door.
“Father!” I bellowed up the stairs. My hands slid up the guard rail as the cool steel supported my clumsy steps.
“Charlie?” he called back. His eyes were full of terror: wide and jittery. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” I shouted back. “Look outside! We need to turn back!”
Someone else stood by my father’s side. He stared blankly out the window, gripping the wheel. His long, ashy-white locks draped down from his head like thick sections of rope. He looked dressed and ready to work: a brown leather apron, and a cracked leather bucket hat, the string browned and weathered around his chin. The man glanced back at me, a grave look on his face.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“He shouldn’t be here, Ferris,” the man warned.
My father's hands shot to his face. The one missing a ring finger caressed his beard in panic. “Oh, Lord. What are we to do now?” he cried.
“What do you mean? Have you both gone mad?” I stormed the helm and pulled the wheel in the opposite direction. The older man held firm, battling me for control.
“Turn around!” I pleaded.
The man roared back, “Ferris, do something!”
The waves continued to wobble the boat violently from side to side.
“Charlie. Please stop!” my father begged. He gripped the top of my hand and tried to pry my fingers from the wheel.
“Are you crazy, Father? We are going to capsize!” The pressure from his hands finally was too much. I shrugged him off of me, and he dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. He then drifted toward the opposite wall, dragged from one end to the other by the tide. Next, I leaned my weight against the man steering the ship. To my surprise, I fell right through him. I stared helplessly from the floor, my mouth ajar at the ghastly revelation. He barely glanced back, his narrow umber brown stare kept firm on the water.
The boat abruptly stopped before I could react. I was launched toward the window, my shoulder colliding with the switchboard. My father was a crumpled heap on the floor. Only the sound of clattering rain filled the air for a moment.
The light was undeniable past the foggy wet window. Blinding. A radiant glow of aquamarine encompassed the outside of the ship.
The man spoke, walking to the door, “It’s time to go.”
The ground felt steady, the rocking ceased. But my father still held the wall as he stepped toward the exit. Seeing him then, he appeared frail and uneasy.
“Stop,” I ordered, wagging my hand in the man’s direction. “Not until I know what’s going on.”
My father sighed, every word looked exhausting exiting his lips. “It is too much to explain now.” He pointed to the door. “You must come.”
“To what exactly? Where are we going?”
The older man held the door open. “To meet our destiny.”
***
Outside the wheelhouse, the incredible glow illuminated the deck. The old man strode toward the floating being. My father stayed a few steps behind, in apprehension. I could tell the tossing around on the ship had done a number on him: he held his wrist as he hobbled forward at a gingerly pace. I placed my hand against the small of his back, aiding him onward.
“Say goodbye,” the man urged. “No need to drag this along, Ferris.”
I observed the being, frozen in wonder. She hovered above the deck, her translucent body holding no color, but glimmering in a silky rainbow sheen like a ray of light hitting the surface of glass at an angle. Her body was beautiful: curvaceous, smooth.
“F…Father…what is this?”
Walls of water surrounded the perimeter of the boat, creating a giant bowl around the ship. The mountainous waves were held in limbo, suspended in the air like swirling blue arcs of impending doom. Schools of fish could be seen swimming in the waves.
My father glanced back as he approached the floating entity. His expression had softened, his stare was that of a little boy who had lost his mother. “I would have come for you, Charlie. I would have explained everything…after I gathered the right words.” I walked toward him and held his head at my chest. He began to sob.
“You must go now,” the old man ordered. “She grows impatient.”
I felt my father trying to peel away, but I held the folds of his neon jacket tighter.
“Let him go,” the old man hissed.
She drifted nearer. There were too many tentacles to count protruding from the base of her skull. Her lips remained pursed. She did not speak, but there was a vibration coming from her. A cooing. The gentle whistle sang from her reverberating gills.
“Tell me what this is, Father,” I cried. “I will not let you go!”
He held me close. I had never heard him cry so hard before.
The older man spoke for him. “Your father’s time is up. Like all of our times have come to an end,” he explained. “He has served well. Exceptionally well.”
My father finally let go.
“Okay,” he declared with a deep breath. “I am ready.“ He took one last look up at me. “I love you, Charlie. Tell your mother I love her too.”
What happened next happened in rapid succession. He took two steps forward and the tentacles wrapped around his body. A petrified scream escaped his lungs. His limbs jolted uncontrollably, as tiny electric sparks flashed from the tentacles. The smell of singed flesh replaced the salty breeze. His eyes rolled back as the entity’s jaw stretched open to an unsettling length. His head was plunged into the cavernous confines, her teeth as sharp as spearheads. She stared back at me as his body disappeared. Her jaw opened and closed in horrifying crunches. Alligator-like snaps.
I wailed helplessly. Was I next?
Her glowing eyes had a glint of satisfaction; her pillow lips moist with delight. They smacked together in a disturbing click. All the while, the whistling continued from its flexing gills.
In an instant, the waves were released, wooshing down from the perimeter. The tsunami was too much, it swallowed everything whole. I saw a flurry of bubbles as the waves crashed into me; I felt the frigid sting of the water mixed with an intense burning in my lungs.
The old man’s voice spoke in the flood:
“Good luck, Boy.”
Everything washed away.
***
I awoke in the wheelhouse, my arms and legs spread out like a starfish. My father was standing over me.
“Welcome back, Son,” he smiled. His gold front tooth was gleaming.
I sat up to see the bright bleed of sunrise peeking in through the clouds.
“How long was I out?” I asked, rubbing my forehead. My head pulsated like I was having a sinister hangover.
“A couple of hours?” he guessed. “It’s not important. What matters is that you are here.”
The rain had stopped, but the deck still had puddles of water pooled up on the surface. It miraculously looked like the boat survived the night with little to no damage.
“You still have time to make it back to work,” he assured me. He appeared content as the pier came into view.
“You won’t believe the nightmare I had.”
There was a flicker of sadness in his smirk. “It was no nightmare.”
I laughed nervously. “Sure.”
“I wish it was a joke, Charlie,” he said. He placed his hand at the helm and spun the wheel. A large buoy floated past. “But I am ready to explain.”
My father told me that the man from last night was named Hayden. He was my grandfather. He had died at sea before I was ever born. So had his father. And his father before him. This was the pact our family had made.
I rubbed my eyes.
“We all take, take, take from the ocean. Our family has been chosen to be the ones who give back, to try to breach the gap.”
The story left me frozen in my spot. “So, this is to be my fate, as well?”
He gazed out the window with an empty stare. The sun was now an orange ring fanning across the skyline. “The way I see it, you have two options.” He turned to look me in my eyes. “You can carry on and captain Thally. Just as you were destined to. It is your responsibility now—the livelihood of the community, the tradition—it all lives with you.” He paused, scratching his chin. “It is a cross to bear, Charlie. The strongest men carry the most weight. You will bring a lot of good men into grave peril. The sea will claim who they see fit, it is not for you to choose. But you must bring them, in plenty.” He cleared his throat. “But you will also protect the community. The sea will reward you so. You will also do much good.”
“Or?” I asked.
“Or…” he paused. “You dock the ship and walk away from it all. Forever. Start a new life. Change your trajectory.”
I contemplated what a new life would look like. “What would happen to Mother?”
“She must never know,” he said. “It will be a tough pill for her to swallow. But she is a tough woman, she will make do.”
We stood in silence, the squawk of the waterfowls and the rolling waves filling the space.
“If you take that path, you must stay away from the ocean. Forever. The sea is unforgiving. A betrayer of covenants, well, you will stand no chance.” He swallowed. “Your children will stand no chance.”
The pier slowly approached. The shadows of awaiting crew members were huddled together at the end of the pier, their lit cigarettes shone in the twilight.
“We are almost here, Son.” He kissed me on the forehead and walked toward the exit. His lips felt incredibly cold. “Just trust I support you in your decision. Whichever way you choose.”
I nodded, tears fleeing from my eyes. I swiftly wiped them away.
“Goodbye, Son. I love you.”
With that, he walked through the closed door.
I gripped the wheel and watched Thally glide toward the pier.
When we got close, I tied the ship to the dock. The familiar whistle cooed in from the sea.
I began to load the ship and felt a hand clutch my shoulder. Murphy grabbed me playfully, his crooked grin across his face. Chase, the new greenhorn, yawned as he shook my hand. I ribbed him about his uneven mustache. He stomped out his butt. More of the crew began to gather their things and hop on board.
We prepared for the daily catch.
For this was all I’ve ever known.
​
aproyal

This is going to be a long one... I ask you to please read all of this and take notes if you have questions or comments if you need to. I'm open to talking about all of this in private messaging.
So I've been looking using dating sites since I was around twenty years old with really very little success. I've tried various approaches, and they don't seem to work. This includes what information I share and don't share about myself. I'm going to be upfront here, I've spoken "to" probably over ten thousand women, and "with" a couple hundred. I'm not desperate nor a womanizer. However, time affords speaking to and with people. That adds up. Personally, I've had what I consider twenty-five/twenty-six relationships since I was fourteen. I've always been marriage minded. I won't get involved with anyone unless they, too, are marriage minded.
The problem here is that all of the dating apps/sites are plagued with massive amounts of hackers and scammers, or people that aren't seriously looking. All want money and I'm not interested in that. That isn't a real relationship where love is involved.
I was married once and divorced. You might think, "How can he say the sites didn't work?" Because of that. Well, I'm looking for life long, I've been divorced since mid to late 2019, and I've been looking for a few years now. Every relationship I've had except for one or two cheated on me. I'm growing depressed more and more, starting to believe I'm not worthy of real love. So many after swipes unmatched instantly without me saying a word! Anyway, I'm not here to guilt anyone.
One thing the dating apps do wrong is they won't let you write certain things you're looking for in a partner, even if you say it in the regular private chat to someone that you matched with.
Anyway, here's what I am looking for in a woman, and I want to clarify beforehand. Some of this information is probably going to cause you to think I am after a toy. However, I assure you that I am not, everyone is attracted to and / or seeking what they are seeking. There is a perfect explainable reason as to why some of these things are on the list that may offend you. The short reason and too long didn't read version is, it's what I am attracted to physically for sexual reasons. I'm very sight orientated. If I don't like it, then nothing is going to happen. I'm not selfish. That's just the way I work on that subject. A further explanation will be given if asked. All of these things are deal breakers for me.
1) So I am a communicator. Part of the reason my marriage didn't work out is because she was not a talker / communicator. We never could solve anything together because of it. I need someone who loves to communicate often. And often means full blown conversations and multiple times a day. I do not consider hi and bye and love you statements as awesome discussions. For the record I did not purse the divorce, she did.
2) I am a Biblical Jew. This type of Jew believes in The Messiah and that He is God. There are marked differences in belief from a Christian, though. We call the name of The Messiah by His actual birth name, which is Yahshua / Yahoshua. I worship every day, however, on the actual Biblical Sabbath, which is Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. I do not work, and I attend my congregation. What is the deal breaker here? The Sabbath. I'm looking for someone who does the same as me Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. Or, at the very least, is interested in looking into it for themselves.
3) Along with number two. I am kosher only, more actually specifically vegitarian, leaning toward vegan. I do not care if my spouse eats meat. However, I am looking for someone who is kosher. This means no blood in any meat that is eaten, and no unclean animals according to what the Bible says is clean and unclean.
4) I do not drink alcohol in any amount, nor do I smoke any substance at all, whether by fire lit or "vape." I don't do any of that, nor shoot up or use any drunks besides ibreprophen for pain or whatever a doctor prescribes for the medical issue. I'm looking for someone who doesn't use any "drugs."
5) I do not keep Easter (the bunny rabbit and / or Catholic traditions), I do not do Halloween either. I only observe real Biblical holidays. Im looking for someone who also does the Biblical holidays. However, if you don't do any of the above celebrations, including not doing the Bible ones, I am okay with that, too.
Now for the unsavory part... 6) My ex-wife and I had sex a year and three months before she left. Before that, we didn't have sex for nearly three years. I promised myself that whoever I get with next needs to be healthy to be able to put out, willing to help if she doesn't want to go the whole way. Of course, under normal circumstances. I won't get with someone who's going to hold out.
7) Here is probably the most annoying, irritating one on this list. However, this is a deal breaker because I have not been able to and can not do my part unless I am attracted to this. I am attracted sexually to a woman who has very large areolas (colored circle around the nipples), preferably puffy as well (I have an ex who is near my age that has puffy so don't tell me that's for other aged people). I also prefer saggy breasted women. But it's really more important the areolas size and look to me. Major plus if you're pierced there but not required. No, Im not looking for beat off material! Please don't let this discourage you. It's simply one thing. Also at no point will I pay you or gift you in order to make sure that you match what I wrote on this point. If you have an issue with that then please continue on. It's not negotiable.
8) Im also looking for someone who is healthy, means takes care of themself, likes to do things. That doesn't just like to stay home and knit all the time. Likes camping, hiking, exercise, get togethers, going out and doing things at random or planned. Someone preferably doesn't mind attending events.
I'm basically looking for someone to grow with and live life with. Someone who isn't rude, argumentative, a cheater, who is kind, giving, understands others' needs, and doesn't give up.
The things I've written above are deal breakers for me unless I shared that they aren't. I don't believe this is too much to ask and to check (refering to point 7).
Feel free to ask questions if you're remotely interested or think you match.

In March 2022, the Massachusetts Department of Public Health updated its definition of a COVID death:

Currently, the COVID death definition includes anyone who has COVID listed as a cause of death on their death certificate, and any individual who has had a COVID-19 diagnosis within 60 days but does not have COVID listed as a cause of death on their death certificate. The updated definition reduces this timeframe from 60 days to 30 days for individuals without a COVID diagnosis on their death certificate... Massachusetts has applied this new definition retroactively to the start of the pandemic in March 2020. As a result, 4,081 deaths in Massachusetts that were previously counted as associated with COVID will be removed. In addition, approximately 400 deaths not previously counted but identified through a manual process of matching death certificates with medical records will be added to the COVID-19 death count. The state’s overall COVID death count, therefore, will decline by 3,700.

Santa Clara County (Bay Area, CA) made a similar update in 2021:

The prior definition included anyone who had COVID-19 who died, while the updated definition focuses on the cause of the death and aligns better with the determinations made by the Medical Examiner-Coroner in cases of overlapping jurisdiction... The refined definition includes only deaths in which COVID-19 is listed as part of the cause of death on the death certificate, incorporating information provided by health experts including medical providers and the County Medical Examiner-Coroner’s office... This shift reduces the total number of deaths attributed to COVID-19 since the onset of the pandemic by approximately 22 percent.

Same with Alameda County (also Bay Area, CA) around the same time:

In a press release, Neetu Balram with the Alameda County Health Department wrote, "Alameda County previously included any person who died while infected with the virus in the total COVID-19 deaths for the county." ... As an example, Balram explained "a resident who had COVID-19 but died due to another cause, like a car accident, this person would be included in the total number of reported COVID-19 deaths for Alameda County."

Here is the current definition on the Oregon Health Authority website:

In Oregon a death is reported as a COVID death if: The death is of a confirmed or probable COVID-19 case within 60 days of the earliest available date among exposure to a confirmed case, onset of symptoms, or date of specimen collection for the first positive test; or The death results from any cause in a hospitalized person during admission or in the 60 days following discharge AND a COVID-19-positive laboratory diagnostic test at any time since14 days prior to hospitalization; or The death is of someone with a COVID-19-specific ICD-10 code listed as a primary or contributing cause of death on a death certificate, regardless of the dates of diagnosis or death.

Who can forget this infamous press conference from the Illinois Director of Public Health?

Technically, even if you died from a clear alternate cause, but had COVID at the same time, your death is still listed as a COVID death.

Now, I want to take a moment to clarify that I am not accusing anyone of any sort of "conspiracy" to falsify death reports. I'm not accusing doctors and coroners of lying or covering anything up. If you read through these links carefully, you'll notice that they refer to people who specifically did not have COVID listed as a cause of death but were still included in the total count. This is just the way that the numbers are recorded, and I'd like to have a discussion about that.
These were the examples I could find with a cursory search, so I'm curious, how does your state/county track COVID deaths? Do you think the total count is accurate?

raw
translation
The raws + quick translations will be typed here after the raws are released.
# Disclaimer: there might still be translation errors, the finalized version will be in the scanlation episode
(or a native speaker corrects right after the translation, depends on who has time)
if you see this posted on reddit, try going to the linked pad instead, since this is a living document ;)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translator(s):
Tierra
TL check:
Typing helper:
------------------------translations start below this line ------------------------------
[] = sura speech
() = thoughts
- Agni and Taksaka standing next to each other -
Agni: 한명이 남아야 한다면 내가
남는 게 나을 거 같긴 한데...
If only one stays back,
it would probably be better for me to stay, but...
- Taksaka staring at him grumpily -
text (Agni): 그럼눈으로 보지마술직히
네 손에 죽을뻔한 사람이 몇인데
Don't stare at me like that,
how many people almost died because of you, huh?
Taksaka: 어차피 여기 상황은
정리된 거 아닌가?
Isn't the situation here settled, anyway?
게다가 난 여기서
도망간 놈을 굳이 쫓기까지
해야할 이유가 없다.
Besides, I have no reason
to chase after that bastard
who fled from here.
내가 인간계에 온 이유는
아들 때문이었고,
My reason for coming to the human realm
is my son,
칼리블룸까지 갔다가
다시 아테라에 온 이유는
손녀 때문이었다.
and the reason I went to Kalibloom
and then back to Atera
was my granddaughter.
찬드라가 폭주하는 동안 그나마
내가 일부분이라도 막고 있던 것 역시
그 밑에 있다던 손녀 때문.
I blocked Chandra when he ran berserk
at least partially (->the blocking) also because my granddaughter
was said to be down there.
그게 아니었으면 난
아테라가 다 날아가든 말든
상관없이 그냥 떠났을 거다.
If it wasn't for that,
I would have just left regardless of
whether or not Atera was blown away.
- flashback panels to that action -
*S3 Ep. 144-145
Taksaka: 그런데 지금 그 앤 여기,
아테라에 있어.
But right now, she's here,
in Atera.
무슨말인지 알겠나?
You know what I'm getting at?
- Vayu stands next to the swirly red portal on the ground in front of them -
도망간 놈이 그 앨
인질로 끌고 간게 아니면
Unless the guy who ran away
took her hostage,
내가 놈을 쫓을 이유가
없다는 거다.
I got no reason at all to persue him.
- stares at Agni -
Agni: ...그래.
그런 놈이지 넌...
...Right.
That's the kind of guy you are...
좀 변한 것 같아서
기대했었어.
Since you had changed a little,
maybe I was expecting too much.
Vayu: 어쩔 거야? 아그니.
What are we going to do, Agni?
//대지를 거치는 이런 초월기라면
행성을 벗어나진 못할 테니,
If this transcendental is passing through earth,
then it won't be able to transfer off the planet.
최악의 상황을 상정해도
우리 둘이 못 당해낼 적이
나타나진 않을 거다.
Even if we assume the worst, there
won't be an enemy that the two of us can't overcome.
하지만 혼자선
장담 못해.
But I'm not confident if one goes alone.
내가 오기 전에
나타났던 카드루...
That one who appeared before I arrived, Kadru...
그 정도 힘을 가진 놈만 나타나도,
너나 나 혼자서는 위험해질 수 있다.
Even if only someone on his power level appears,
it could become dangerous for either of us if we are alone.
Agni: 안전을 위해서라면
그냥 쫓지 말고 무시하는게
낫겠지만...
If it's only in regards to safety,
it would be better to not give chase and ignore him, but...
Vayu: 어쩌면 놈들의 본거지를
알아내고 일망타진할
기회일 수도 있지.
It could also be our chance to find their stronghold
and deal a decisive blow.
아무 정보 없이 막연히
습격 받기만 하는 처지에서
벗어나려면 뭐라도 해야 해.
We have to do something to get out of the position
of passively being attacked with no information whatsoever.
여태 네가 너무 소극적인
자세만 취해서 상황이 악화된 걸
알고는 있어? 아그니.
Do you know that the situation has only
gotten worse because you've been too passive? Agni.
신계에 있던
윌라르브 행성신들이 얼마나
가슴 졸이며 답답해했을지는
생각해 봤을까?
Have you ever thought about
how anxious and frustrated the Planetary gods of Willarv
staying in the god realm must have been?
N15년 초기부터
붉은 하늘의 원인을 찾으려는
시도를 했다면,
Starting from year N15,
if you had tried to find the cause of the red sky incidents,
혹은 사가라가 나타난 이후
그쪽을 소탕하려는 시도를 했다면,
or if you had tried to wipe out Sagara the moment she appeared,
//그 후의 상황은 많이
달라졌을 수도 있어.
things might have went very different following that.
그럼에도 너는 항상
소환사 주변에만 머물고,
모험적인 시도는 피해왔지.
Instead, you tried to get into your summoner's pants
Even so, you always stayed close to your summoner,
avoiding any venturesome activities.
이 행성에 널 소환할
수 있는 소환사가 단 하나
뿐인 것도 아닌데
pathetic really
There is not just a single summoner on this planet
capable of summoning you;
여분의 소환사가 있다면
좀 더 적극적으로 나서도
되는 건데 말이야.
you know that some gods sacrificed a lot for the universe?
grow up already
If you have extra summoners, you can be a little more proactive.
결과적으로 넌 네 뒤의
용과 별 다를 바 없어.
As a result, you are no different from the dragon behind you.
- tak looks a little offended -
그놈보단 다른 인간들에 대한
책임감이 좀 더 있다고 해도
Even if you have some more sense of responsibility
towards other humans than he has,
네 소환사를 지키면서
덤으로 지키는 수준
how you protect your summoner
and everyone else is just a bonus -
내가 보기엔
둘 다 똑같다.
to me, you both look the same.
Agni: .....
Taksaka: 어이, 쓸데없이
걸고 넘어지지 마.
Hey, leave me out of this.
내 마음대로 지키는 게
뭐가 어떻다고?
What's wrong with how I handle things?
Agni: 알았어.
같이 가자. 바유.
Alright.
Let's go together. Vayu.
- Agni moves over to Vayu -
Taksaka: 뭐야. 진짜 가냐?
What the. You're really going?
sfx: whoosh
- Agni and Vayu vanish through the portal -
Taksaka: ........
- stares down to where they vanished with "wtf" stare -
Taksaka: 쯧...
Tsk...
- he turns to leave -
지키고 싶은 것만
지키고 살면 되지
참 피곤한 놈들.
You just have to live while only protecting
the things you want to protect.
Tired bastards.
fckn idiots
-----------------------------------------------
Season 3 Episode 281
Kubera and Kubera (17)
-----------------------------------------------
- Leez, Ran, Maruna, Sona, Tatia, Kalavinka all in an ice cave (water channels most likely) -
- Sona in human form but unconscious, tended to by Tatia -
- Maruna is covering his face with one hand -
Ran: 이쯤이면 바유도
파악하지 못할 거야.
At this point, even Vayu won't find us.
[Tatia:] 소나는 아직 정신을 차릴
기미가 보이지 않는데...
Sona shows no signs of coming to his senses yet...
미안해. 깨어나야 목줄도
풀수있을텐데...
Sorry. If he woke up, he might be able to take off the choker...
[Kalavinka:] 됐어, 영영 잃을 수도 있다고
각오하고쓴거니까
It's fine. I was prepared to loose it for good, after all.
Ran: 의식이 없어야 채울 수 있고
의식이 있어야 해제가능하다니
참 특이한 아이템이야.
What a unique item, you can equip it while unconscious,
but have to be conscious to unequip it?
[Kala:] 아~ 이게 원래 호전성으로
날뛰는 수라를 진정시키는
용도로 만들어져서 그래.
Ah~ You see, it was originally made
for the purpose of calming belligerent,
rampaging suras.
- kala grins -
사실 내가 쓰기 전엔
타티아가 썼거든?
Actually, Tatia used it before me, right?
그래서 딱 보면
개목걸이처럼 생겼잖
That's why it looks like a dog coll--
- Tatia grabs her arm, embarrassed -
[Tatia:] 칼라빈카, 그만...
Kalavinka, stop...
- meanwhile, Maruna still experiencing an unprecedented existential crisis -
[Maruna:] 내 동생이...
아이템의 도움 없인...
머리가 수라형이라고..
My little sister...
has a sura trait head...
without the help of an item...
Ran. 넌 아직 충격에서
못 벗어난거냐?
You still stuck on that?/hung up about that?
[Kala:] 오라버닌 제 얼굴이 많이
신경쓰이나 봐요?
Elder brother, you're worrying about my face that much?
란은 처음 한번 놀란거 말곤
전혀 의식하지 않던데!
Except being surprised the very first time,
Ran is not conscious of it at all!
- she pats Ran on the shoulder, while he just looks confused -
(개복치들이랑 별 차이 없어서
아무 감상 없는 것임)
(There's not much difference to a sunfish,
so it made no impression on him.)
T/N: running gag of him seeing all people besides Rana as seafood faces
[Maruna:] 나도다. 당연히 상관없다!
네가어떤 모습이든!!
I'm the same. Of course, it doesn't matter!
I don't mind however you look like!
- he freezes seeing kala grinning with hearts around her -
[Maruna:] 진짜로... 상관없다....
It really.... doesn't matter.............
- he looks away -
[Kala:] 그럼 목줄 돌려받지
않아도 돼요?
So I don't need to get the choker back?
[Maruna:] 아니, 그래도 이왕이면
돌려 받아야지.
No, but you should at least get it back.
그게 원래 호전성을
억누르기위한 거라며?
Didn't you say its original purpose
is to suppress belligerence?
[Kala:] 괜찮아요! 수라화만
하지 않으면 이 상태론
웬만하면 자제돼요.
I'm fine! As long as I don't take sura form,
I can refrain myself from falling into that state.
- she proudly points at herself/gives thumb up -
어릴 때나 호전섬에 정신
못 차렸지... 이젠 저도
다 컸다고요.
When I was young, I couldn't get a grip by myself...
But now I'm all grown up.
- she happily and energetically zooms over to where Ran and Leez stand, while Maruna stares after her .
[Maruna:] .........
- Leez, Maruna, Ran, Tatia and Kala sitting, discussing -
Leez: 그러니까 지금까지
얘기를 종합해 보면...
So to sum things up
until now...
타티아는 거의 사형 위기에
처한 친구 때문에 어쩔 수 없이
아난타족과 협력했던 거고,
Tatia had no choice but to cooperate
with the Anantas because of her friend
who was on the verge of getting executed,
란 오빠는 콘체스에서
윌라르브로 돌아오는
여정이 길었고,
Ran-oppa had a long journey back from
Konchez to Willarv,
그 과정에서 마루나하곤
헤어졌다가,
in the process, you split up with Maruna,
우연히 그 여동생인
칼라빈카와 만났다는 거죠?
and met his sister Kalavinka by chance.
Is that all correct?
Ran: 그래. 그렇게 칼라빈카랑
헤매다가 겨우 돌아와서, 이제야
마루나랑 다시 만난 거야.
Yes. And after wandering around with Kalavinka,
I finally came back and met Maruna again.
Leez: 그럼... 궁금한 게
몇 가지 있는데요.
Then... there are several points
I'm curious about.
Ran: 구체적인 여정에
대해선 말하고 싶어도
말해줄 수가 없는걸.
Although I'd like to tell you the specifics of the journey,
I can't talk about it.
Leez: 아뇨, 여정을
묻는 게 아니라...
No, I'm not asking about the journey...
란 오빠, 지난번 칼리블룸에선
마루나의 위치를 아는 것처럼
말하지 않았어요?
Ran-oppa, last time we met in Kalibloom,
didn't you say you knew Maruna's whereabouts?
저 위의 어딘가에서
보고 있을 거라고....
You said he must be watching from up there somewhere...
*3부109~110화
*S3 Ep. 109-110
마치 조금 전까지 같이 있다가
헤어진 것처럼 말했잖아요.
You said that as if you had split up
just a little while before.
그런데 사실은 오늘
겨우 만난 거라고요?
But the truth is that you only met today?
Ran: ..........
- Ran staying silent with a grim face -
[Maruna:] 뭐야. 그런말을했어?
어떻게...
What? You said something like that?
But how did you...
그땐 나도 네가 여기 와 있는지
확신하지 못하는 상태였는데,
넌 내 위치까지 알고있었다고?
I wasn't even sure if you were here at the time,
but you even knew where I was?
Ran. 그... 그건 내가 직접 봐서
안 게 아니라... 그러니까...
W-well, I didn't see you myself... so....
[Kala:] 란 말고 제가 봤어요!
오라버니.
It was me who saw you, not Ran!
Elder brother.
- Kala swoops in next to Ran to defend him -
제가 보고 란한테
알려준거예요.
I spotted you and told Ran.
[Maruna:] 내가 보였다고? 지상에서
보일정도로 접근하 진
않았다고 생각했는데...
You saw me? I thought I didn't approach the ground
enough to be visible, though...
[Kala:] 오라버니가 수라형 크기를
스스로 실감 못해서 그래요!
Elder brother, since the size of your sura form
changed, you're just not aware of it yourself!
- Kala has put an arm around Ran's shoulders and laughs, pointing at Maruna -
보통 인간들은 못 봐도,
제 시력으로는 관측되는
위치였다고요.
Ordinary humans couldn't see you,
but you were in a position I could observe with my eyesight.
Ran: 그래. 리즈. 난 칼라빈카
한테 들은거야! 가루다족
시력 좋은 건 알지?
Right. Leez. I heard it from Kalavinka!
You know that a Garuda's eyesight is excellent, right?
Leez: .....
- she doesnt look quite convinced tho -
- Maruna is also thinking about it with furrowed brows -
(Maruna:) 이상한데... 내가 보일 정도면
그때 같이 싸우던 삼파티도
봤다는 뜻 아닌가?
How strange... If she could see that far,
doesn't that mean she also saw Samphati,
who I was fighting at the time?
그런 것치곤 삼파티에 대해선
전혀 얘길 하질 않네.
But she didn't even mention her.
Leez: 음... 그럼
두 번째로 궁금한 건
타티아인데요.
Hmm... Then
the second point I'm
curious about is Tatia.
원래는 그저
결계를 깨는 위협만
하려고 했고,
Originally, you just wanted
to threaten to break the barriers,
소나의 돌발행동으로
의도치 않게 상황이
악화된 거다...
but through Sona's sudden actions,
the situation unintentionally turned for the worse...
...라는 설명만으로는
부족해요.
....that kind of explanation is not enough.
- Leez stares at her with serious expression -
이미 그로 인해
죽은 사람이 있는 건
둘째치더라도...
Apart from the fact that there are
already people who have died because of it...
신이 나타날 위험을
감수하면서까지, 결계를 깨고
도발하는 짓을 한다는 게
납득되질 않아요.
I don't understand you
breaking barriers and being provocative to such a degree,
even risking a god appearing before you.
그저 '일시적인 협력' 일
뿐인 관계에서, 그렇게 목숨 걸고
임무를 수행할 이유가 있나요?
In a relationship that is just a 'temporary cooperation',
why would you risk your lives in a mission like that?
아난타족과의 관계를 끊을 거면
그런 위험한 임무를 받은 시점에서
거절했어야 맞지 않나 싶은데
If you were going to sever ties with the Anantas,
shouldn't you have refused the moment
you got burdened with such a dangerous mission?
- she turns to Ran -
란 오빠 생각은 어때요?
- What do you think about that, Ran-oppa?
Ran: ............. ...........
- he looks at Tatia with a tired face, switching to sura speech -
[Ran:] 어떻게 설명해? 솔직히
이건 나도 이해가 안 된다.
How am I supposed to explain?
To be honest, I don't get it, either.
일시적인 협력 정도였으면
그런 위험한 임무를 수락할
이유가 없잖아?
There was no reason to accept a dangerous mission
if you were just in a temporary cooperation, was there?
[Tatia:] ...원래는 그냥 결계만 깨다가
신이 오면 사정을 설명하고
투항할 생각이었습니다.
...Originally, we were just thinking of
just breaking the barrier, then explain our
situation and surrender when a god arrives.
사가라 앞에서 바로
거절 의사를 표하는 건...
위험했으니까요.
Expressing our intention to refuse in front of Sagara...
would've been dangerous.
[Ran:] 놈이 그렇게 강해?
차라리 신과 맞서는 위험을
택할 정도로?
Is she that strong?
To the point where you'd rather risk confronting a god?
[Tatia:] 사가라 한 명 보다는...
수라도에서 포섭해 온
다른 놈들이 더 문제입니다.
Rather than Sagara herself...
the others she brought from the sura realm
are more of a problem.
그중 하나는 당신도
이미 만난 적 있을 테죠.
지난번 칼리블룸에서...
You probably met one of them before.
Last time, in Kalibloom...
-panel of Ran defending Leny against Chatan -
*S3 Ep. 145-146
Ran: ...!
[Tatia:] 그런놈들이...
더 있습니다.
There are more...
just like him.
사가라는 그 습격에
모든 카드를 쓰지 않았어요.
Sagara didn't play all her cards in these raids.
마루나가 성장해서
돌아올 것도
The fact that Maruna would develop and return,
- Sagara in white space, smirking -
신이 더 소환될 것도
예상하고 있던 자입니다.
and also the fact that another god would be summoned,
all went according to her expectations.
그럼에도 여유를
부린다는건
Even so, she is taking it easy,
대적할만한 수단을
손에 넣었다는 뜻이죠.
which means she has means to counter them at hand.
[Ran:] 그게 어떤놈들인지
말해줄 수 있어?
Can you tell me who they(her allies) are?
[Tatia:] 저도 모두 아는 건
아닙니다만
Although I don't know of all of them,
제가 아는 자들 중
가장 강한자는...
I know the strongest of them all...
어떤 타산적인 이해관계로
사가라에게 협력한게 아니기 때문에,
Since that person does not cooperate with Sagara
for any selfish goals,
sfx: whoosh
- background fades from white to black, we see vayu and agni arriving at a deserted place with red sky -
진심으로 사가라의 꿈이
이뤄지길 바라기 때문에...
but because that person sincerely hopes
for Sagara's dream to come true...
- agni and vayu notice chatan, and next to him stands Vasuki, his (?) face in shadows -
그래서 가장 무서운 자입니다.
That person is the scariest of them all.
- Vayu and Agni take elemental form immediately -
심지어 그에겐 아그니의 공격도
거의 통하지 않을 거예요.
Even Agni's attacks will hardly work against him.
#seems vasuki is in female form here still
To be continued
Currygom’s comment: [none]

Recently my job posted a new position, which I felt like I was perfect for and honestly had been stepping into on my own. Anyways, I applied thinking there’s no way I wouldn’t get it. All of my coworkers also thought I’d be perfect for the position. Fast forward to Monday, the manager calls me to tell me I did not get the position. The person who got it is married to the lead of a different part of our department. This person already expressed his disinterest in the position so I feel like his wife is pushing him to do it and has a part in him getting the position. Part of our work is work from home and most of our new people(whom I’ve trained) have never even met this person. I told someone who got the position and she said “who’s that”. Anyways don’t know what to do or how to feel. 😑

I'm an 18 year old female. I have been getting obsessed with older women since I was 13.
TW: really brief mention of self injury, also this is really long I'm sorry
When I was about 7 my family fell apart, it was a nightmare. My father is an asshole and did everything he could to ruin my mom's life after the divorce, forgetting that it would destroy his child (me) too. Because of this I moved houses a lot, I often saw my mom cry and started hating him. I cut him off when I was 14.
I started to struggle in early middle school, stopped studying and spent my afternoons in bed. I started hurting myself too. At that time (13yo) my mom started to resent me. In our family we're all overachievers, she couldn't understand what I was going through and thought I was being a "rebellious teenager". She'd scream at me every day, tell me she was ashamed of me, that I wasn't her daughter and she didn't wan't me, that I ruined her life, day, weekend, holiday etc. She would only talk to me to yell and only looked at me with a disgusted face. This went on for months. At a certain point I stopped sleeping because night was the only moment she would leave me alone and I'd be at peace. I'd hold my knees and whisper to myself that I wasn't horrible and disgusting like she said. I started contemplating suicide because she constantly told me I'd never get anywhere in life.
Then I got diagnosed with depression at 15, hospitalized and now three years later I'm completely recovered. My mom apologized, explained she didn't understand what was going on and that she was struggling too, I forgave her.
The problem is, while all of this was happening I started getting a little too attached to female authority figures in my life and idealized them. The first one was a teacher in middle school, I'd do everything I could to talk to her, look at her etc. I started hurting myself hoping she would see my arms and care about me (obviously none of it happened). It was really really bad. After middle school I had it for my psychiatrist. When I wanted to die she was the only reason I held on. I desperately wanted her to remember me. I was jealous of her other patients and would hurt myself so she'd take care of me. I started to get better just because I wanted her to be proud of me. I stopped hurting myself only after she promised me that she wouldn't leave me if I got better. It felt like I was in love.
I slowly realised that I was looking for mother figures. I realised that I crave someone that's nice and sweet to me and has some kind of authority over me at the same time. Now I have it for my therapist. I'd die for a hug from her. Even though I know it's not true, 99% of me is convinced she's my mom and it hurts so bad. Once she gave me a piece of wrapped chocolate and I still keep it in my drawer. I hold it when I can't sleep and it helps. I've had it for other women at the same time as these ones but they were less intense.
I have had doctors describe this as splitting. My therapist said I'm idealizing her and devaluing my mom. All of my other relationships are normal, I have a decent amount of friends, I do well in school, have normal relationship with the adults even though I'm quite shy. I'm happy with my life right now.
My T says she doesn't know what this problem could be. I once said I'm scared it could be bpd and I think she was confused and asked why I would think that, but tbh I don't know if I remember correctly.
I'm still terrified it is. A reddit post isn't enough to describe it in detail, but it's quite a serious problem. Right now it's not influencing my life or relationships much, except the one with my therapist, but it causes me a lot of pain. Especially when I realise my therapist is not my mom and she won't hug me. Last session we talked about it and I cried the whole time.
I don't want her to think she's hurting me, it's not her fault and I feel guilty for putting her through this. It's really hard to talk about it with her. I can't cope with this anymore. How would you label this if you had to? Is it a mental illness? bpd? attachment? help

You guys seem to like stories, so I am giving you one. For reference, I was in 5th Grade at a private school that only attends Tuesdays and Thursdays. It all started in 2nd Grade, when I joined the school. It was the first day. We were learning about who what when where why how, all of that stuff. We had to fill out a worksheet with already assigned partners. I got assigned a girl I will call A. A and I worked on it, and I had a crush on her. For the next few weeks, I would start a doughnut shop at the playground. She and her friends, T and J, worked on destroying it. My friends, W and J (different J) worked to save it. A few weeks pass, and we are learning something in science. This time, we got to choose partners. It seemed like this girl named E just popped out of no where! My thoughts were: REALLY PRETTY. So she went up to the top of list of crushes, and then there was another girl in the class named M, who got second. By now, A was at third, and by the end of 2nd Grade, I didn't have a crush on her at all. We fast-forward to the end of 3rd Grade, where M announces she is leaving the school. All I had left on my list was E. We fast-forward to the end of 4th grade, where E announces she is leaving. Apparently, I was staring at her and everyone knew I had a crush on her. Even her! Going back to 2nd Grade, we were reading a book about Squanto, and I asked her to be my partner (for the reading). She says no, then A walks up and whispers to her (I could hear. Not that good at whispering) and she said "But you love [insert my name]!" And she whispers back "I know, I just don't want to right now" In my mind I was going insane, but on the outside, I was perfectly normal. A might have been referring to my personality, because I have been complimented on my personality on multiple occasions (sorry to brag, but a LOT of occasions). Going into the 5th Grade, it started in October. My crush on A skyrocketed back to #1 (well, I didn't have a crush on anyone at the time, so everyone was at #0). At the beginning of 3rd Grade, my doughnut shop had basically been forgotten (by me included). Back to the 5th Grade, I wanted to do SOMETHING. Then, we had a family reunion. I talked to some of my cousins about it, mainly one because she was a girl and would know what to do, and she asked me what A and I had in common. There was only one thing. We both LOVED dogs. So, she suggested I get her a stuffed dog or something like that. So I bought one for $27, and my brother kindly payed $5 for a small box of chocolates to give to her. I had already conferenced with my brother on what to do, and he basically said be very open and tell her (he is 21). Then, on one Thursday, I had an after school elective. So did my friend J, who actually left at the end of 4th Grade, but they still let him do electives. I told him about my crush on A, and he tried to yell it out to her. I stopped him, but meanwhile, my friend T went up and told her. Then T told me that he told her. I died inside. It was the last day of school before Valentine's, and I was going to tell her on Tuesday. I called my friend T multiple times (and my friend L once), and we devised a plan. I would put the dog and chocolate in a box and put it in my bag (we had to have a special bag to put our sources in, as we were doing a project). I wrote on two sticky notes on the boxes "will you be my Valentine? signed, my name P.S. If no, keep it please :) and P.S.P.S please open this box alone" If I gave my friend a green sticky note (nothing on it) he was to deliver it when he had to go the bathroom. If I gave him a blue one, it meant I would do it myself. If it was red, it meant don't do it. On Sunday, I called L and asked what A's reaction was, as I was called away as soon as T told me, as was T. L said that A went up to him and said "Don't you dare!" as T already had a crush on A, and it was already revealed. L had a tiny crush on A. Then, it was Monday school that every girl went to, and the only boy that went was T. T asked A if she had a crush on me, and T reported that she said "No", but blushed. Eventually, Valentine's came. A and I pretty much stopped talking for the rest of the day. At a terrible moment, we were the only ones alone in the hall, getting stuff out of our bags. "[insert my name]..." she said "I know, I'm dead" I responded. I gave T the green note. He delivered, A saw, screamed a little, then went back to her seat. During some free time, she went up to me and said, "I am REALLY sorry, but no" She tried to give the stuff back, but I insisted she keep it. This is not confirmed, but I heard she gave the dog to a different A that went to the school. Then on a camp out thing that her older brother went to, I and 4 other kids were running back. My dad said something to A's dad, and A's dad responded with, "You know that your son asked out my daughter?" and then he complimented me and said I had a lot of courage. And that is my story. I think I have to write tl;dr too.

Source is Lonsberry, unfortunately, but this is the best breakdown I've seen yet of what happened. Quoting the relevant parts from his column:

...Minutes after he died, someone told me that a video showed him shooting at a police officer at near point-blank range. I assumed that was correct. When I later saw the video on my phone, and heard the voice of the man who took it saying that Brendan Burns had fired at a pursuing officer, I was affirmed in my assumption. But that’s not what the video shows.
In the video, two men run from right to left, one chasing the other, on a sidewalk. The man in front is Brendan Burns; the man in back is a law enforcement officer. He is wearing a jacket with a long word across the back. It may be “SHERIFF” or “DEPUTY.” At a certain point, the lead man turns his right shoulder briefly to the right, toward the street. At about that point and shortly thereafter, the following man fires a pistol he holds in his outstretched hands. They are just over one sidewalk square apart when the officer fires. At a press conference Monday evening, the sheriff and police chief said Brandan Burns had brandished a hunting knife at one or more officers at some point before the end of the incident. They also said that an officer had fired his weapon. This was presumably that incident.
And if a knife was brandished, it is not visible in the video. The turn in the bad guy’s upper body doesn’t seem threatening. It looks more like he is looking back to see where the officer is, or glancing over to see if the street is clear, as he shortly thereafter darts into and across the street. But not before the officer discharges his handgun twice at the fleeing man’s back.
It is hard to see that as a justified use of deadly force. Brendan Burns is running from the officer for all he’s worth. Even if he had a knife and even if he brandished it in a threatening fashion at the officer, he was not a threat to the officer by virtue of the fact that he was sprinting away from the officer. And he was not running toward any other individual. He was not an imminent threat to any other officers or citizens.
And the cop tried to shoot him in the back. That’s a poor decision. Fortunately, it was matched by poor tactical proficiency, as the officer missed at very close range with both rounds. Maybe sometimes God pushes rounds onto a target, and maybe sometimes he pushes them off a target. Either way, that did send two taxpayer-supplied rounds screaming toward Park Avenue. It also spared the officer involved a possible prison sentence...
....At some point after this, Brendan Burns doubled back to where the foot pursuit had commenced, opened up the car which police had been staking out, recovered a bag, and drew a shotgun from it. That’s the second thing.
How did the car come to be unsecured? How did, in this police operation, a vehicle which had been used in a road rage incident involving a shotgun that very morning, get left there unattended by officers? In the tunnel vision of apprehending their suspect, it seems the officers on this detail all ran off after him, and left his deadly weapon unguarded and accessible. In the old cowboy and Indian movies, you always leave a guard with the wagons, because the Indians might circle back and catch you by surprise.
And that’s what happened Monday afternoon. Because the car was unsecured and the bad guy was not outrun and the logical possibility of him circling back was not considered, a guy who had a hunting knife was all of a sudden a guy with a shotgun. That put officers in danger, and it ultimately cost Brendan Burns his life. There were two miscues. One could have left him in a pile, and the other did leave him in a pile.

A/N: There could only ever be one song for this chapter and only one singer. I'd had this song in mind for this chapter from the very start and had a rather lot of fun writing this.
----------
The battle across streets and buildings still raged. Midori couldn't afford to do more than just passively do what he could to direct the flow of traffic even as Damala's heir sent skeletons into the fray. He couldn't afford to ignore how coordinated they were, or that even though their magical units only knew one spell, they seemed terrifyingly inventive with it.
​
He could not afford to ignore the magi hurling witch-fire into his formations. Nor could he ignore the spiders that seemed intent on crisscrossing as much territory as their legs could cover with silk thread.
​
There was a moment where an ogre under his command lifted up a braided silk cable, leaving Midori to wonder what its purpose was, as it hadn't been placed to trip or entangle. If anything it had been placed to avoid these things happening.
​
Such ponderances were set aside, for Midori could not ignore, above all else,
​
The skeleton in his basement.
​
He saw Bonehead step out of the simple coffin that served as his spawner and look about the nearly pitch black room.
​
"Hello?" Bonehead called out. "Anyone else down here?"
​
A few murmurs from others that had been recently infected. Those damniable automita and armors that detonated themselves rather than turn mid-battle. All of them sat, huddled in small clusters. Trying to let their minds drift empty and formless, to buy themselves more time before they were fully under Midori's command.
​
What got their attention was Bonehead smashing his spawner to splinters. This drew Midori's attention more fully, having been unaware that creatures could do this.
​
One of the armors turned its head as disbelief rang through its hollow voice, "I... what? We can do that?"
​
"Well, I just did." Bonehead stated as he looked about. "Alright. I have a half-idea. Maybe a quarter thought really. We're all dead anyway."
​
That got several nods. Then a goblin spoke. The speaker was hairless and wore a work smock of rough fabric. "Whatcha got in mind?"
​
Bonehead gave a low chuckle. "We must proceed as if we are being watched. So understand that any retaliation will be swift."
​
As he said this Midori expended mana to rebuild his spawner. Which promptly got smashed again.
​
"That proves it. Midori. You are watching. You are listening." Bonehead's voice was calm. I want you to do both very carefully."
​
That i was addressed directly got the attention of others. Bonehead spoke again. "I need the majority of you with me at the door. Four or five of you need to stay to keep smashing spawners, and get any new arrivals on board. Then when you get replacements you join us."
​
Join? Midori's laughter reverberated through the room, echoing against high vaulted ceilings.
​
Bonehead joined in the laughter for a time. Even as more creatures appeared. Even as spawners were being smashed and remade. Midori's confusion grew. Why was this creature laughing?
​
"Genlemen. Ladies. Those that ascribe to neither." Bonehead's voice was calm even as Midori spent mana to try silencing him. Instead only causing his left hand to tremble slightly.
​
"We are all Dead. If not by what I am about to do, then by the thing that is eating away at our minds, eroding our will. Leaving us prisoners in our own bodies." He punctuated the statement by drawing his blade and slicing through a goblin's spawner.
​
"I have memories of being in this situation before." Again, Midori's attempt at making him stop were only rewarded by a tremor. "Oh the details weren't the same, and technically I failed because ..."
​
The skeletal archer waved a hand dismissively.
​
Midori tried to take control of one of the suits of armor, one of the big ones. There was a tremor as it stepped towards Bonehead. Then another step. There wasn't enough growth there for complete control.
​
"Point is," Bonehead looked directly at the armor being puppeted, as if he were looking at Midori himself. "I know what this is. this is you thinking you've won. I'm in your carefully lain out trap, in a box with a poison that will kill me."
​
Several others, skeleton, elf, dwarf, and even another armor, got between the armor that was moving and Bonehead.
​
"Now here is the neat part." Bonehead bounced on his feet, clapping his hands together while walking towards the door. At a glance it looked like a solid metal door wit ha tiny barred window. He rapped a bony knuckle against it. peered through the window, and made a show of pulling at the bars.
​
The armor Midori had tried puppeting slumped. Next Midori attempted to take control of a goblin. This ended with a pair of armors picking the goblin up and holding it off the ground.
​
Bonehead nodded at the pair and smiled to the creature Midori took control of. "Yep that's a nice solid door. It's leading out into a hallway of Death the likes that would make even a kaizo mario run look like a walk in the park."
​
The Goblin sagged, and a skeleton grabbed Bonehead's shoulder. Midori spoke then. "Even if you could open that door, which you can't. It's been tested against the best thieves and picks. Let's say you can. You're still stuck here. Give up. You had your little victory by smashing the spawners."
​
That point was punctuated by more spawners being smashed in. This time by an Ogre. The giant's head was bowed, its shoulders slumped. Yet it had set about to ensuring death for everyone here would be final.
​
Laughter. It didn't come from Bonehead, who merely looked into the Skeleton's eye sockets. The laughter came from another there.
​
Shinji spoke then as he got to his feet. "Twice now have I died following this man. Once to a thing that wanted to eat and remake Creation in its own image. Now to a petty tyrant wanting to tie strings and make us dance to its tune."
​
Gently, almost tenderly, Shinji's skeletal fingers pulled the hand off of Bonehead's shoulder. "Sir. It's OK."
​
Bonehead tilted his head down, shoulders slumped. For that moment he could not meet Shinji's gaze. "Still. I'm sorry. You're my friend You'd been there to help me hold things together."
​
"I know," SHinji clasped forearms with Bonehead. "Let me do that here at the last. Do what you need to."
​
He glanced to the wider room before looking back to Bonehead. "I've got this."
​
A deep breath from Bonehead as he squared his shoulders. Vaguely in the background he could hear Shinji. Yet he could not afford to pay it any more attention than that. Nor could he pay attention to Midori's continued attempts at sending others to stop him. Shinji had his back, and Midori could not control everyone. Those that were not being directly controlled stopped those that were.
​
He pulled from his quiver an arrow. Most of his were plain affairs. Bleached wood polished to look like bone fletched with crow feathers with a variety of tips that varied from blunt to bodkin, though personally he preferred the simple elegance of the broadhead.
​
This arrow was gifted to him just before he fell, just after Lutz attacked him. It was a declaration of trust then. That she had trusted that nothing would ever make him use that arrow to hurt her or their friends.
​
Now, as he nocked the star-metal shaft, it was a promise. He could feel power gather. From where he could not say. From Her? No. There was no directionality to the tug. From himself? How? In the gifting did it decide he was its rightful holder?
​
Music Transition: [https://youtu.be/I34-31nG9Lo?t=319]
​
In his hand was power Building. It was Waiting.
​
Unknown to him Midori's attempt to stop him intensified.
​
Unknown to him this caused Midori's advance on the library to falter, to allow allies space to breath and act.
​
His mind was focused on the singular point of infinity building in his hand. A swirling infinity that was yoked and shaped by will. He had all the magical potential of a stone. Yet, as Midori was the latest to find out, Will was something he had an overflowing abundance of.
​
"Here me now." His voice was a soft whisper. Something one would whisper in the ear of a lover.
​
"I have been made a liar." He breathed slow. Letting the roar of what was behind him fade away.
​
"I will die far from home surrounded by enemies." His stance widened as he took careful aim.
​
From somewhere. There was screaming. It was an unearthly wail that came from everywhere all at once. Perhaps it was the result of the power Bonehead held in his hand. Perhaps it was an attempt at taking the nerve from him or making his aim unsteady.
​
He did not notice as light was drunken by the arrow in his hand, its shaft turning from brilliant gleaming to vantablack dark.
​
Dimly Bonehead was aware of Shinji shouting to the others that when it was clear, go for Midori's spawners. Fan out. Cause as much mayhem as possible.
​
"I entrust everything to you now." Bonehead's eyes wouldh ave closed were he able to. "As I send forward my Black Lance."
​
The arrow loosed. Power that had been stored there released and was shaped by willpower. There was no sound.
​
The door vanished. Gone. The traps. Gone. The shaped charge of all consuming destruction burrowed deeply into Midori's sanctum fortress. The core of his holdings.
​
As Bonehead steadied himself. The horrors from Midori's tomb boiled out into his very heart.
​
As Bonehead began hunting for his quarry he could hear Shinji's laughter. "Come oe you Apes! Do you want to live forever?"
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Since my last thread (https://old.reddit.com/polyamory/comments/11xl1gf/meeting_my_wifes_boyfriend_tonight/) gained some attention I figured it'd be fair to give an update.
So I met my wife's boyfriend. I like him. We talked a bit, did the introduction ritual and toasted to my new job.
It felt a bit weird and I was pretty tense and didn't know exactly how to act, so I felt like everything I was doing was a bit stilted. Didn't know how much affection to show my wife, just stood around not exactly knowing what to do with myself, that sort of thing.
Then I left them alone for their night.
It was an awful night. I was nervous and it took me quite some time to fall asleep. That wasn't the issue though. After half the night I woke up shivering and with a throat ache. What a time to catch a cold. Didn't sleep for half the night and called in sick for work.
In the morning I heard her moaning. It hit me like a jolt of lightning. Hard to describe that feeling. It wasn't good or bad, just a massive jolt of energy and it made me kind of horny. I went to make myself some tea.
Her boyfriend slipped out the door and my wife came to me and we talked about it. She was completely spent and tired. Had a long night. Apparently he's really good in bed.
We cuddled a bit but she was too tired to give me much affection emotionally or physically, so that was the first time I actually felt that I'm going to be getting less of her now that we're doing this poly thing.
It's not the worst feeling. Let's say it's emotionally difficult.
In the morning I got a board game delivered that I've been waiting for all year, in the afternoon I had a meeting with my psychiatrist/therapist and talked about all of this.
Basically the verdict is a shitton of stuff has been happening in my life all at once, I'm feeling a big bundle of emotion and I can't really separate what's what at the moment. Got a new awesome job, heard my wife have sex with another dude, got really sick and felt awful, got an awesome board game, have stretched my schedule a bit too thin and am behind on school work, had a ton of dates in the last weeks that were mostly pretty bad and have no romantic prospects right now and the dating apps have dried up.
I have no idea if I'm just feeling sick or if I'm jealous or happy or horny or whatever is the driving emotion, it's all a bit much and I need some time to sort it all out.
I can't wait for my wife to get home in the evening though, I miss her.
But I've got afternoon classes now until late at night.
Gonna be a long day. This is a rough one. What a time to be me.

I’ve been sober for just about two years. I was drunk for 13 years. 19 to 32. It’s great. The problem I’ve been having lately is seeing all of my friends that we’re doing shitty their whole lives like me going places and doing so much with their lives. It sucks because I feel like I’m never going to accomplish shit. I’m still in the same place I was before just no alcohol. Nothing has really changed. It won’t ever affect my sobriety. I just wish I knew what I am doing so wrong. It’s not me looking for answers I just needed to vent. I feel real not good about myself and my currently life situation. I’m married. No kids. Shit job. No car. Sharing a vehicle with my wife to get shit hours at my job. I don’t make enough to really try to do much. I owned a car but wrecked it. Sober. It was my first car. I have tried and tried and tried to Be better and get to a better spot but it doesn’t happen. No matter how much I’ve tried to get to a better place I can’t. I know I shouldn’t compare my life to that of others because everyone is different. It’s just that the people I’m comparing myself have all been going through the same shit I’m going through or have. I don’t get why I have to be so far behind. It is what it is and I can only work on making myself better. I know that. I am just not getting better even though I’ve been trying. Maybe now hard enough but I have very little skills. I’m on the spectrum. Loads of awesome mental health issues. Sorry for the rant to random people. I know you don’t care and that’s alright. Thanks for reading if you did.