I self published a book a few years ago (2020) that was a collection of comic strips that I draw for a few local papers. I used Ingram Sparks for the printing and while it was my first experience with any self-pub print service, I had an overall great experience. I was even on a deadline and was able to get everything in time for a local book signing.
Now I'm in the process of publishing a second book and it's been a rollercoaster. Mind you, this is exactly the same kind of book. Softbound, full color comic strip collection. (Like those square floppy ones you remember of Zits and Calvin and Hobbes.)
Ingram Sparks took my money and then waited 17 days to send me my digital proof. That's 17 days in "Premedia." I remember this taking maybe two or three days before? Am I crazy?
During this 17 day time period, I chatted with a friend and decided to try KDP - But I got some weird errors trying to preview my book! I thought I was going to end up in a psych-ward! So I tried switching from Chrome to Firefox and had an extremely smooth experience after that! Being able to instantly see a digital proof of your book blew my mind. The physical KDP proof is in the mail. So I'll see how it stacks up compared to my first book in a couple days.
But right after I ordered my physical KDP proof, of course, what happens? Ingram Sparks finally issues me my digital proof.
I'm torn and frustrated. I deliberately set everything up with the first book so that things could be uniform if I ever published more. (I like books! And I like sets of things to be nice and uniform!) Has Ingram Sparks turn around time really become that bad? I thought the entire process to generate and receive a digital proof was automated? How are their printing times right now? Does anyone have recent experience with them? And how similar are the softbound color books from KDP and Ingram Sparks?

I’ve been physically abused, which left me with scars of life. My mom who I would call a classic narcissist was always insecure about her acne scars and, ever since sixth grade until about 11 grade was my dermatologist. She would micro manage every step of her prescribed regimen and use very unconventional treatments. I remember some of her first “treatments” in sixth grade being an “extraction” of my pimples. Eventually in 7th grade I learned how devastating this actually was for my skin, and I already started developing severe acne by then. I tried to yell and push my way out of her frequent sessions, but the manipulative person she was she always made me lay back down for that “one zit” which became every pimple on my face, even the ones deep in my skin. I cried and yelled through the intense pain until my face was raw and she was satisfied. Then she would make me do her natural remedies which included slathering my bleeding face with her mix of natural oils and abrasive homemade Mac nut shell exfoliants, which led to even more intense and deeper breakouts. She made me do all these things in her bathroom while she watched and made sure I was doing everything “right”.
I got into fights with her about it because it was making my acne progressively worse and tried to discuss the issue with my dad, but he would always ignore the situation, as he is another victim of my moms manipulation, and likely didn’t need her screaming at him. He’s kind of worn down at this point.
I always asked to see a dermatologist but she just monologues about the evils of the health industry. Weirdly enough she avoided taking me to the doctor instead going to the ER. I think i only saw the doctors a few times though high school and middle school, so there goes professional help.
She would always send my siblings outside to play while she violently popped my pimples and called me weak when I cried. She never did it when my dad was home so I have a feeling she knew what she was doing was wrong. Now, I’m a passive person and I would never hit my mom, so I never fought back besides pushing and holding my arm out defensively and trying to talk to her about it. I even ran away from home once. I should have called the police, looking back.
Worst part is I spent hours on the crazy regimen only for her to blame the worsening condition on me for missing a single treatment out of a list of 5, even if it’s on a busy day.
Now, unsurprisingly my face is riddled with scars just like hers. Was that what she wanted or was she just being desperate? Now that my brother and sister is coming of age and getting acne, she has completely changed her ways and gives my brother space. I’m glad that this ended with me. I don’t want to think my moms evil. Maybe she’s just desperate. But even now she doesn’t care about my frustration and berates me for the appearance that I strongly and confidently attribute to her. The treatment was comically bad, almost designed to cause severe acne. One indentation deep set by my eye reminds me of the last Pimple she tried to pop in 11th grade before I pushed her away and yelled. I’ve had many mental breakdowns because of this experience and my severe scars as a young adult have made life much harder at least form my perspective. Right now I’ve only ever discussed this with my brother who remembers some of the terrible things that happened to me but I had to get this off my chest.

(For those not familiar with the concept, an example, taken from the newspaper comic Zits: "I'm up, I'm just not up-up," says the teenager, awake but in bed.)
I recently saw a TikTok (embedded into a tumblr post, so I can't link directly, but from this channel) claiming that contrastive reduplication in English originates from Yoruba by way of AAVE. Obviously SAE borrowing features from AAVE has lots of precedent, but this sounded wrong to me.
I found various offhanded sources mentioning use in French (seems fairly native) and German (seems like a recent borrowing), as well as some other languages. But nothing authoritative enough for me to trust it.
Is there solid research on this? When it entered common use in English, what source it was borrowed from (if any), etc.?

Hoi spetters en spetterinos en welkom bij mijn derde update. Ik hoop dat het met u allen goed gaat en dat u nog niet bent gevallen door het gladde wegdek. Daarentegen kent men het begrip 'sneeuw' of 'gladheid' hier niet in Madrid. Het enige wat glad is, is het gedrag van de stoere jochies hier in Madrid haha Deze post zijn meer foto`s dan tekst, dus kijk vooral en lees alleen als u het leuk vindt.

Tripjes (zie foto`s)

Een klein maandje geleden ging ik via citylife naar El Escorial en Sergovia met mijn roommate Matteo en een vriendin uit Holland die momenteel op exchange is in Barcelona genaamd Hayley. Als eerste gingen wij met de bus naar El Escorial, dit is op circa 40 minuten rijden ten noordenwesten van Madrid waar een groot kasteel staat. Voor dit kasteel heb ik dan ook lekker een 'biertje' benuttigt. Uit al de drie steden vond ik deze het leukst. Het was niet toeristisch, de natuur was mooi en het kasteel was leuk om eens mee te maken. Na 2 uur in El Escorial gespendeerd te hebben mochten wij met de bus naar Sergovia. Als je aan toeristen en Madridse mensen vraagt wat je moet bezoeken als je in Madrid verblijft, zegt vrijwel iedereen Sergovia. Dit is een toeristische stad wat ligt op circa 90 minuten rijden ten noorden van Madrid. Qua mooiheid scoort deze stad het hoogst. Het kasteel is alsof je in een Disney film zit en het aquaduct duidt er op dat de Romeinen een grote impact op Sergovia had. Echter, was deze stad alleen op de toeristen gefocust. Hierdoor kreeg ik niet het lokale gevoel waar ik meer weg van ben. Met toerisme komen hoge prijzen en veel te drukke straten. Op deze trip van citylife heb ik wel leuke mensen ontmoet. Zo heb ik daar een Duitser ontmoet MEIN DEUTSCHE FREUNDEN waar ik wekelijks wel mee chill. Ook verslaat hij mij in Beeriokart, nog een concurrent die ik moet verslaan. Shoutout naar Tristan ;) Een week daarna ging ik met mijn roommates en Tristan naar Toledo, een plaats op circa een uurtje rijden ten zuiden van Madrid. Zoals ik eerder hebt vermeld klik ik niet mijn mijn influencer roommate en het is erger geworden (alle roommates mogen haar niet) Echter, het is maar een roommate en je kan niet altijd zes gooien. Haar motto van het leven is: Don`t waste my time. Dat zegt wel voldoende voor mij........ Toledo was een gulle middenweg tussen El Escorial en Sergovia. Was het toeristisch? Ja. Maar het had een goed balans tussen lokaal en toeristisch. Ook heeft dit een crusader thema, dit zijn de pelgrims die gingen vochten voor Spanje. Zoals men wellicht al weet heb ik een crusader outfit in Haarlem. Ik zou circa 2 jaar geleden met een goede maat van mij verkleed als ridders naar Comic Con en mensen overtuigen om te geloven in God. Helaas werd dat gecancelled door ons gebroeder Covid. Ik vindt de crusaders dus een leuk thema.
​
Bday
Op mijn verjaardag kwamen mijn padre en madre langs om gezellig te hot potten. Dit is Koreans Hot Pot waar je je vlees (nee niet je eigen mannelijke vlees), groentes en overige spullen in een soort sausje/soepje legt. Zo krijgen de producten en smaakje aan de hand van de soep. Wij hadden vier smaken, waarvan één echt lekker goed pittig was. Als je mayonaise pittig vindt is dit mayonaise keer 9000. Ook hadden mijn twee mannelijke roommates een leuke brownie met vuurwerkkaarjes. Die twee zijn gewoon maten van het leven geworden. Ook kwamen vanaf 2 maart allerlei vriendinnetjes van Holland langs. Was weer echt even lekker om Hollands te praten. Ook was het eindelijk een verjaardag zonder gedoe. Geen covid, geen familieomstandigheden, geen revalidatie maar gewoon lekker een verjaardag kunnen vieren. Ik heb zeker van die dagen genoten, maar mijn portomonnee vond dat wat minder leuk haha
​
Al met al geniet ik nog steeds van mijn exchange, het is een droom die uitkomt. Ben lekker sociaal, af en toe een casanova, kan lekker veel lezen en af en toe moet ik iets aan school doen. Aankomende maandag begin ik met stage en over 2 weken post ik vermoedelijk weer wat hoe stage is verlopen.
Aju lieve mensen en geniet van het koude snert weer in Nederland ;)

Don’t know if you’d care but

• Today would be our anniversary. I watched one piece and read the comic u recommended to me to spend the day. I have lots of promises I didnt get to fulfill to you and I’m working on them
  
• I also started watching Breaking Bad. I’m on season 4 now. I didn’t know how I never got around to try it until now
  
• Did you remember about my hair color dilemma? I ended up dying my hair with blue black and violet. And it turned out burgundy somehow. I dyed it again with dark brown and it turned….blue black.
  
• I started going to the gym again. Focusing on strength training too. I’m still figuring out how to bulk when working out just zapped all my appetite from existence. But I started by eating more protein these days
  
• I adopted a seven year old Angora-Persian cat. Her name is Puyo. She is still adjusting, but I can tell she does like me. You’d love her too, I think
  
• I have begun therapist shopping again, this time with a clinical psychologist instead of a psychiatrist because I think I need inner work more than a medication. It’s so expensive and tiring, but I know it’s worth it
  
• Your voice fades a little bit more each day from my memories, so I sometimes play my live photos of you and listen to VNs. I wish I had taken lots of it and saved ur VNs in my notes like how you showed me. It’s a bit annoying to track them manually
  
• I wish to get a glimpse of your life, but you’re never the showy type like that. So I’ll ask question(s) that probably will never get answerred,
  
• How are you faring with the new semester?
  
• How did your interview go? Did you get it?
  
• How long is your hair now? Hows your skin? Is the serum working? Is there a new zit instead?
  
• Did your mom let out a sigh of relief, something like “good riddance!”? Is she healthy?
  
• It’s weird and you’d call this stupid but I can’t help but feel bad that I’m basically preventing you from playing DBD bc of the verification thing. You worked hard to reach that rank
  
• I still take pictures of random things that might be interesting to you, although I send them to no one. I guess old habits really die hard
  

Everyday feels like day one to me and I’d be lying if I tell you that I’m feeling better now but
I kinda feel comfortable being sad now. In a way. I think. I hope.
I will be better eventually even if that day is not today
There’s so much more I’d like to talk about but I’ll save it for the next update. Maybe.
That’s it from me, stay warm in this cold weather. I really miss you

TO BE DELIVERED BY SPECIAL COURIER DIRECTIVE TO LIEUTENANT GENERAL TWINING You will proceed to the White Sands Proving Ground Command Center without delay for the purpose of making an appraisal of the reported unidentified objects being kept there. Part of your mission there will deal with the military, political and psychological situations -- current and projected. in the course of your survey you will maintain liaison with the military officials in the area. In making your appraisal it is desired that you proceed with detachment from any opinions or feelings expressed by personnel involved which do not conform to sound reasoning with regard to the possible outcome. In presenting the findings of your mission you should endeavor to state as concisely as possible your estimate of the character, extent, and probable consequences in the event that assistance is not given. When your mission in New Mexico is completed you will proceed on a brief trip to Sandia AEC facility to make an appraisal of the situation there, also of the reaction of the Los Alamos people involved. Before going to White Sands you will communicate with General Eisenhower to ascertain whether he desires you to proceed via Kirtland AAF. You will take with you such experts, technicians, scientists and assistants as you deem necessary to the effectiveness of your mission. Approved: ____ Date: 9 July 1947 DISTRIBUTION 1/Cy Chief of Staff to the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces 1/Cy Military Aid to the President 1/Cy Director, Office for Emergency Management 1/Cy Director of Central Intelligence Group 1/Cy Director of Intelligence, USA 1/Cy Director of Intelligence, USAAF 1/Cy Director, Office of Naval Intelligence 1/Cy Director, Joint Intelligence Objectives Agency 1/Cy Joint Intelligence Committee 1/Cy Director, Armed Forces Special Weapons Project 

Pinnacle Books re-released a series of ten Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker era Target novels with their own distinct covers starting in 1979, and included the following introduction by the sci-fi legend Harlan Ellison (I censored one word for contemporary sensibilities) :

They could not have been more offended, confused, enraged and startled… There was a moment of stunned silence… and then an eruption of angry voices from all over the fifteen-hundred-person audience. The kids in their Luke Skywalker pajamas (cobbled up from older brother's castoff karate gi) and the re****ed adults spot-welded into their Darth Vader fright-masks howled with fury. But I stood my ground, there on the lecture platform at the World Science Fiction Convention, and I repeated the heretical words that had sent them into animal hysterics:
"Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist dribble; 'Star Trek' can turn your brains into purée of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!"
Auditorium monitors moved in, truncheons ready to club down anyone foolish enough to try jumping the lecture platform; and finally there was relative silence. And I heard scattered voices screaming from the back of the room, "Who?" And I said, "Yes. Who!"
(It was like that old Abbott and Costello routine: Who's on first? No, Who's on third; What's on first.)
After a while we got it all sorted out and they understood that when I said Who I didn't mean whom, I meant Who… Doctor Who… The most famous science-fiction character on British television. The renegade Time Lord, the far traveler through Time and Space, the sword of justice from the planet Gallifrey, the scourge of villains and monsters the galaxy over. The one and only, the incomparable, the bemusing and bewildering Doctor Who, the humanistic defender of good and the truth whose exploits put to shame those of Kimball Kinnison, Captain Future and pantywaist nerds like Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.
My hero! Doctor Who!
For the American reading (and television viewing) audience (and in this sole, isolated case I hope they're one and the same) Doctor Who is a new factor in the equation of fantastic literature. Since 1963 the doctor and his exploits have been a consistent element of British culture. But we are only now being treated to the wonderful universes of Who here in the states. For those of us who were exposed to both the TV series on BBC and the long series of Doctor Who novels published in Great Britain, the time of solitary proselytizing is at an end. All we need to do now is thrust a Who novel into the hands of the unknowledgeable, or drag the unwary to a TV set and turn it on as the good Doctor goes through his paces. That's all it takes. Try this book and you'll understand.
I envy you your first exposure to this amazing conceit. And I wish for you the same delight I felt when Michael Moorcock, the finest fantasist in the English-speaking world, sat me down in front of his set in London, turned on the telly, and said, "Now be quiet and just watch."
That was in 1975. And I've been hooked on "Doctor Who" ever since. Understand: I despise television (having written it for sixteen years) and I spent much of my time urging people to bash in their picture tubes with Louisville Sluggers, to free themselves of the monster of the coaxial cable. And so, you must perceive that I speak of something utterly extraordinary and marvelous when I suggest you watch the "Doctor Who" series in whatever syndicated slot your local station has scheduled it. You must recognize that I risk all credibility for future exhortations by telling you this TV viewing will not harm you… will, in fact, delight and uplift you, stretch your imagination, tickle your risibilities, flense your intellect of all lesser visual SF affectations, improve your disposition and clean up your zits. What I'm saying here, case you're a yotz who needs things codified simply and directly, is that "Doctor Who" is the apex, the pinnacle, the tops, the Louvre Museum, the tops, the Colosseum, and other etcetera.
Now to give you a few basic facts about the Doctor, to brighten your path through this nifty series of lunatic novels.
He is a Time Lord: one of that immensely wise and powerful super-race of alien beings who, for centuries unnumbered, have watched and studied all of time and space with intellects (as H.G. Wells put it) vast and cool and unsympathetic. Their philosophy was never to interfere in the affairs of alien races, merely to watch and wait.
But one of their number, known only as the Doctor, found such inaction anathema. As he studied the interplay of great forces in the cosmos, the endless wars and invasions, the entropic conflict between Good and Evil, the rights and lives of a thousand alien life-forms debased and brutalized, the wrongs left unrighted… He was overcome by the compulsion to act! He was a renegade, a misfit in the name of justice.
And so he stole a TARDIS and fled.
Oh, yes. The TARDIS. That most marvelous device for spanning the Time-lines and traversing all of known/unknown Space. The name is an acronym for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. Marvelous! An amazing machine that can change shape to fit in with any locale in which it materializes. But the TARDIS stolen from his fellow Time Lords by the Doctor was in for repairs. And so it was frozen in the shape of its first appearance: a British police call box. Those of you who have been to England may have seen such call boxes. (There are very few of them extant currently, because the London "bobbies" now have two-way radio in their patrol cars; but before the advent of that communication system the tall, dark blue street call box – something like our old-fashioned wooden phone booth – was a familiar site in the streets of London. If a police officer needed assistance he could call in directly from such a box, and if the station house wanted to get in touch with a copper they could turn on the big blue light a top the box and it's flashing would attract a "bobby.")
Further wonder: the outward size of the TARDIS does not reveal its relative size inside. The size of a phone booth outwardly, it is enormous within, holding many sections filled with the Doctor's super-scientific equipment.
Unfortunately, the stolen TARDIS needed more repairs than just the fixing of its shape-changing capabilities. Its steering mechanism was also wonky, and so the Doctor could never be certain that the coordinates he set for time and place of materializing would be correct. He might set course for the planet Karn… and wind up in Victorian London. He might wish to relax at an intergalactic leisure resort… and pop into existence in Antarctica. He might lay in a course for the deadly gold mines of Voga… and appear in Renaissance Italy.
It makes for a chancy existence, but the Doctor takes it all unflinchingly. As do his attractive female traveling companions, whose liaisons with the Doctor are never sufficiently explicated for those of us with a nasty, suspicious turn of mind.
The Doctor looks human and, apart from his quirky way of thinking, even acts human most of the time. But he is a Time Lord, not a mere mortal. He has two hearts, a stable body temperature of 60°, and – not to stun you too much – he's approximately 750 years old. Or at least he was that age when the first of the 43 Doctor Who novels was written. God (or Time Lords) only knows how old he is now!
Only slightly less popular than the good Doctor himself are his arch-foes and the distressing alien monsters he battles through the pages of these wild books and the phosphor-dot reality on your TV screens. They seem endless in their variety: the Vardans, the Oracle, Fendahl, the virus swarm of the Purpose, the Master, the Tong of the Black Scorpion, the evil brain of Morbius, the mysterious energy force known as the Mandragora Helix, the android clone Kraals, the Zygons, the Cybermen, the Ice Warriors, the Autons, the spore beast called the Krynoid and – most deadly and menacing of them all – the robot threat of the Daleks.
Created by mad Davros, the great Kaled scientist, the pepper-pot-shaped Daleks made such an impression in England when they were first introduced into the series that they became a cultural artifact almost immediately. Movies have been made about them, toys have been manufactured of Daleks, coloring books, Dalek candies, soaps, slippers, Easter eggs and even special Dalek fireworks. They rival the Doctor for the attention of a fascinated audience and they have been brought back again and again during the fourteen years the series has perpetuated itself on BBC television; and their shiveringly pleasurable manifestations have not been confined just to England and America. Doctor Who and the Daleks have millions of rabid fans in over 30 countries around the world.
Like the three fictional characters every nation knows – Sherlock Holmes, Tarzan and Superman – Doctor Who seems to have a universal appeal.
Let me conclude this paean of praise with these thoughts: hating Star Wars and "Star Trek" is not a difficult chore for me. I recoil from that sophomoric species of creation that excuses its simplistic cliche structure and homage to the transitory (as does Star Wars) as violently as I do from that which sententiously purports to be deep and intellectual when it is, in fact, superficial self-conscious twaddle (as does "Star Trek"). This is not to say that I am an ivory tower intellect whose doubledom can only support Proust or Descartes. When I was a little kid, and was reading everything I could lay hands on, I read the classics with joy, but enjoyed equally those works I've come to think of as "elegant trash": the Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, the Shadow, Doc Savage, Conan, comic books and Uncle Wiggly. They taught me a great deal of what I know about courage and truth and ethic in the world.
To that list I add Doctor Who. His adventures are sunk to the hips in humanism, decency, solid adventure and a simple good reading. They are not classics, make no mistake. They can never touch the illuminative level of Dickens or Mark Twain or Kafka. But they are solid entertainment based on an understanding of Good and Evil in the world. They say to us, "you, too, can be Doctor Who. You, like the good Doctor, can stand up for that which is bright and bold and true. You can shape the world, if you'll only go and try."
And they do it in the form of all great literature… the cracking good, well-plotted adventure yarn. They are direct lineal heirs to the adventures of Rider Haggard and Talbot Mundy, of H.G. Wells and Jules Verne, of Mary Shelley and Ray Bradbury. They are worth your time.
And if you give yourself up to the Doctor's winsome ways, he will take substance and reality in your imagination. For that reason, for the inestimable goodness and delight in every Doctor Who adventure, for the benefits he proffers, I lend my name and my urging to read and watch him.
I don't think you'll do less than thank me for shoving you down with this book in your hands, and telling you… here's Who. Meet the Doctor.
The pleasure is all mine. And all yours, kiddo.
HARLAN ELLISON Los Angeles

(c) 1979 by Harlan Ellison.
(most of this was transcribed via speech-to-text, so there may be some errors)

I'm not sure where I saw it, but it was a regular feature somewhere - Mad Magazine, maybe Heavy Metal. He's also presented as being extremely creepy and the illustration style was black and white with heavy use of black ink. I've always thought of him as Marvin, but I can't find him doing image searches. George Santos reminds me of him.

There was a comic strip about a teenage boy that told his parents
"since we keep losing the phone, I tied a piece of string to it"
and the father says sarcastically,
"great, you can call it a phone cord"
to which the kid replies
"do you think we can copyright this?"
​
I wanna say it might have been Zits, but it feels like maybe For better Or Worse

ik😩ihe
Summary:
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Subreddit: ik_ihe Eindexamenmeme 2021
Post Author: deJessias
Post Date: 2021-05-17 00:30:47 UTC
URL: https://www.reddit.com/comments/ne9nwx
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User: Nielssie0420
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Dit zijn de examenmemes waar ik op zit te wachten
Bedankt om me nog ff te laten lachen voordat ik straks aan wiskunde begin

This is something weird I started free-writing one day and just followed where it went. I think it's kind of absurd and I enjoy going through it and adding random stuff I feel like it needs more of. Please feel free to critique if you feel so inclined, even add
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Once upon a little while ago, my brain softened and proceeded to leak from my ears. It was a smell of puss - like a zit that had been bubbling under the surface. It wasn't exactly the color I would have expected it to be; It was a pinkish gray with a green hue throughout - a cotton ball should do the trick. As the puff was shoved into one ear, it dissolved almost instantly - like cotton candy in water, except flavorless - believe me, I checked. One after another these cotton-not-candy-balls dissolved into my brain drainage; Before I knew it I was stuffing in handfuls at a time to no avail. Luckily I had picked up a lot of packages of cotton balls; I originally thought they were, in fact, cotton candy.
I didn't have much else that could plug my ears that weren't my fingers, but I looked around anyway. I found a pair of earbuds at first, which also dissolved, albeit a little slower than the cotton but dissolved nonetheless; Maybe I should have bought the more expensive pair. Next I found a fork I had lost a while back. How does one LOSE a fork? I knew this wouldn't help my situation so I tossed it over to the sink, where it proceeded to bounce off the counter with a metallic *TING* and under the chair in the corner of the room - lost again until my next mishap.
I found a torn paper bag next, so I destroyed it more. I held under some running water from the sink and took strips from the larger piece, proceeding to twist them into each of my ears. Everything seemed to clear up until I started to hear a crackling sound and, before I knew it, a faint smell of smoke. Lo and behold, it was the wet paper bag strips - it'd caught fire in my ears! I yanked them out and stomped out the embers, getting a little brain ooze on the bottom of my sneakers - which partially dissolved the rubber in that specific area.
My brain goo had thickened, masking the burns with incredible efficiency. I thought I should take this lapse in viscosity to see the nearest doctor. Luckily they are only a couple of houses down the road from me. It is a small neighborhood where everyone knows, or at least has a general idea of, who everyone is.
I stepped outside to a smell of garbage; There's a landfill nearby, and I forget about it when I'm inside for too long - it's almost like a willful prison sentence. After a while I start to enjoy the smell. Do other community's trash collectively smell the same? A few steps further and I spied a pile of squish on the sidewalk - either a large pile of gum or game. I cautioned myself not to step on whatever it was, and proceeded to do it anyway. It was actually a comically large wad of cherry flavored bubble gum - yeah, that's right, I tried it.
Further along was a little garden snake peering from under a local bush,
"Oi, mate," it spoke softly.
"Why are you Australian?" I inquired, not expecting a snake with an Australian accent in southeast Arizona.
"Woi ah yew a cahnt?" it replied before slithering away a rattly hiss; I think I offended it.
"Alright then." I continued on my way. Rude little bugger.
Upon reaching the doctor's house I rang the doorbell. It was a DingDong camera that captures live-footage and sends it to an implant in the owners brain. "Coming!" I hear emanate from the speaker; The tiny four-inch tall plastic box was fitted with a tiny, handmade doctor's coat with a stethoscope accessory and a loose miniature tie - double winsored.
The thick mahogany door swung open, probably requiring more force than a standard front door - mahogany is very dense. This door must have cost a fortune, I thought to myself.
"Looks like someone's brain is leaking!" she exclaimed without laying eyes on me for more than a second. "Come on in, have a seat wherever you're comfortable." I sat in the middle of the parlor on the faux grass that was used as a carpet. I looked around; Is that wicker furniture? Indoors? In 2006? I constrained my judgement - she IS a doctor after all; A doctor with unconventional taste, at best. I was surprised to see there were no lawn chairs to match the theme, until I spotted two wooden Adirondacks on the sands of the dining room around the corner. Joined by a table between them, they faced a mural of a beach coastline, spanning at least twenty feet; It was beautiful work - the backdrop of an island sunset stretched the entirety of the wall with sailboats, birds, and white tips of the subtle waves as far as the horizon - though not quite the best place to get a tan.
The doctor found her way back to me. "Well, why don't you tell me when this started." She sounded nasally, like she had a cold coming on and her nose was a light cherry color, juxtaposed to her pale, creamy skin. Donning mismatched pink and blue flip flops and a green, full body onesie, she hummed an improvised tune as she crouched in front of me.
"About an hour and three minutes, seventeen seconds ago...twenty...twenty-t-"
"Okay, did you perhaps eat anything different?"
"No, just the usual coffee-bean cake for breakfast. I haven't had time for lunch yet." I most certainly had time for lunch. It was almost one-thirty, but my drainage prevented me from focusing on much else other than keeping things from dissolving and spontaneously combusting.
"Hmm... wait here one moment," she said as she up and left the room. Was she skipping away?
I examined the knick-knacks lining the room - a couple of doctor dolls, one with a blood-stained jacket and gloves; It didn't appear to be modeled after a surgeon, nor an early century professional - more like the typical voodoo style. There were sea shells - a large conch that was in near perfect condition, some scallops, quahogs - things you wouldn't see in this part of the States. There were your typical fake plants - a couple large palms in the corners - more in the dining room to match the tropical energy - stringy ivy laid out along the shelves moping over encyclopedia sets and... The Magic Tree House series? There was even fake moss in random spots along the carpet... nope that moss is actually real; It stretched through spots on the floor up to the stone fireplace, which was not constructed by a trained mason, but simply stacked atop one another and sloppily cemented in place. An abnormally large stethoscope was hung on the wall next to the front door; It looked like something a Sasquatch would use - that is, if a Sasquatch was a trained medical professional that needed a stethoscope - however, it was just a large unconventional clock - left-handed, by the looks of it.
The doctor came back and sat down on a chair next to me, a slice of crumb cake in her bare hand, smaller pieces dropping to the floor as she picked at it with her free hand and shoved into her mouth along with her knuckles. Thanks for the offer.
"Do you ever think you're just paranoid?" she questioned with a mouth full of pastry.
I knew there was something strange about her.

From utterly disturbing, pants-shittingly terrifying, to what-the-hell-were-they-thinking, Tonight, I count down the top 50 most shocking things you should never google. These videos in question should not be viewed by anyone with a weak stomach or anyone under 17 years of age. If you are easily offended by such material, please close out this journal entry and continue browsing. These listings have been assessed by Yours Truly, so you don't have to be subjected to the disgusting, shocking, vile, and graphic nature of the content. Viewer (and reader) discretion IS STRONGLY ADVISED!

1. 1 Girl 1 Pitcher:

If you value your love of lemonade, I suggest you don't watch this. To make it short, a guy holding a pitcher between a blonde woman's legs makes her drink her own piss similar to Bear Grylls when he was lost in the Australian desert and there was no water around. Except, the two are at home, and the young lady decides to drink her own waste anyway. What follows next is the man in the video offers her some of his Lem-Man-Ade... and the rest is pretty fucked up, so I won't mention anymore. Again, don't view this if you value your love of Lemonade, rather homemade or Country Time.

1. Meatloaf Farts:

More comical and benign than gut-wrenchingly disgusting. Not much is said about this except we see a couple of lesbians in the kitchen, and the young lady wearing a white shirt sees that her lover has prepared meatloaf for their Sunday dinner. And instead of adding something like crushed red pepper, onion powder, black pepper, or, hell, A-1 sauce to said meatloaf in question, the young lady in white sits down on her lover's poor meatloaf and decides to fart on the main course much to the lover's bemused chagrin. AW, DAMN IT, LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO ORDER IN TONIGHT! If anyone is going to their mom's for Sunday Dinner, just make sure you stick around to see the meatloaf prepared and to keep the farting floozy out.

1. *Splooge Omelet:

Please do not look at this while you are eating, or if you love omelets. I couldn't survive long enough through the video to assess its contents because I was gagging violently through out. To put it simply, the video starts off in typical porn movie fashion, and trying to throw in a cooking show. A blonde porn starlet naked down to her thong panties takes part in a circle jerk, holding a measuring cup, collecting the baby gravy of the men, and hands it to a guy looking like a registered sex offender wearing a chef's outfit that came from Toys R' Us, and proceeds to cook the icky goo. The dish is then served to the woman and... well, she scarfs down the main course and the viewer is left puking their guts out in the end.
*cum

1. Wiener BBQ:

Don't expect this to be on YouTube or airing on Food Network's Triple D. This is does not feature hot dogs, sausages, brauts, or any wiener being cooked on the barbie. Rather, it is instead, a naked dude simmering, yep, you guessed it, his dick on the hibachi. If you're a guy, this is sure to make you draw up at the display of the lad searing and grilling his ding-dong, and somehow not suffer any second-degree burn. Oh, for the love of God, someone get Hannibal Lector out here and claim his meal. :facepalm:

1. Ripple Guts:

Anytime one thinks of ripple guts, they think of one doing a stomach roll. This video has NONE OF THAT! With a very Shot-on-Shitteo quality to it, we are treated to an unrecognizable naked man who goes butt-first on a gigantic dildo sticking out between his two mattresses, and the movements giving the appearance of an alien about to bust through his stomach. HOW THE HELL DOES ANYONE SURVIVE THAT MUCH PENETRATION?!

1. Putrid Sex Object:

This one goes beyond the limits of shocking and repulsive and pushes it right into the valley of pure nightmare fuel, destroying the innocence and robbing one week of sleep from the most corrupted and depraved viewer. Looking like a deleted scene from A Serbian Film with a bit of a Paranormal Activity, Nekromantik, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre feel to it, giving off a very spooky Found Footage vibe, we see what looks like Sheri Moon Zombie (actually a guy dressed in drag) enter the Sawyer house and come across a freshly-decapitated (and skinned) cow head laying on the floor, and... well, from the title of the video-- you can pretty much guess what the Wes Craven-esque drag queen does... O_O

1. 1 Guy 2 Spoons:

You may have heard of the phrase "an eye for an eye (and a tooth for a tooth)", but-- SPOONS?! Very unsettling video of an unknown dude taking two spoons and scooping his fucking eyeball out. OUCH! Another second, the poor bastard might've slipped up and had one-less peeper to worry about.

1. Goatse:

Enough to make even the most hardcore shock site viewer's ass hurt. Originally an internet shock site entitled goatese.cx, it showed a naked man stretching his anus with both hands until his rectum was visible. Featured as a meme to shock the living hell out of unsuspecting net surfers and parodied everywhere, this remains one of the most known shockers ever.

1. 1 Girl 1 Tampon:

Damn, what some people won't do for internet fame. -_- In 2013, a New York teen girl named Giovanna Plowman posted a video to her Facebook page of her sucking on her used tampon. If it was fame she craved so much, she has achieved it. One of the most controversial videos that surfaced on the net, and caught the attention of news and media, even being viewed by Angry Grandpa himself. After the video went viral, there were rumors of the young lady having committed suicide, but it was all a hoax. Giovanna is alive and well.

1. 2 Girls, 1 Cup:

Omfg... I suggest you don't watch this if you adore chocolate soft-serve ice cream. Another controversial, and extremely sickening video that went viral and spoofed a countless number of times. Viewed by such characters as Kermit the Frog, Rowfl the Dog, Darth Vader, and Stewie + Brian Griffin. Produced by MFX-Media, the video was actually a trailer for the scat fetish movie entitled "Hungry Bitches". Starts off innocent and slightly cute, but then it literally goes to shit. No joke! There's telling someone to eat shit, and then there's... this. If watching a couple of low-rent skanky lesbians eating each other's backdoor waste is enough to make you sick to your stomach, this will totally turn you off of chocolate soft-serve ice cream completely.

1. Face Wash:

You won't be greeted by something innocent like a woman washing her face in a soap commercial or couples and high school students boasting about the effects of Proactive Solution. No. This is enough to make you ask the question: "what the fuck is wrong with people these days?" When things in shop class become boring and there is nothing to do, add a couple of jackasses and what do you get? This. A shot of a 20 to 30-something-year-old Asian man (possibly Korean, or Chinese-American), sitting in front of a grinder, getting a face full of sparks from his friend putting a piece of metal against the surface. I wonder how the hell this guy managed to survive and not be permanently blind?

1. Bleach Challenge:

First off, I just want to say this one is more to get you pissed off and question why anyone would do such a horrendous thing as this. This starts off not only as stupid, but it ends up becoming pretty sad. What looks like a scrapped episode of Jackass is actually all-too-real and it makes you feel sorry for the person in the video. To make a long story short, video begins with an average-looking college-aged guy in his kitchen, standing near his crockpot just cooking a meal, then he goes on to make comments about challenges people have taken (i.e. milk, cinnamon, condom challenge, etc) and... well, he ends up going to K-Mart with his friends to pick up bleach (SERIOUSLY?!) and decides to guzzle down the stuff your mom's been using to make your whites even whiter since you were a kid. With a mixture of testosterone and typical frat boy stupidity, the guy decides to go another round despite his shirt being covered in vomit. Instead of puking up what he ate, the poor doofus, this time, vomits out blood and becomes unconscious, leaving his even-more-ignorant buddies wondering if he was gonna bounce right back. The guy fortunately comes to after appearing to be near-dead and drinks a glass of milk that was handed to him to flush out what he just drunk. Milk challenges, cinnamon challenges, banana & sprite challenges, condom challenges, and ice bucket challenges are one thing. At least with the first three, you puke your guts out but you're alright. But never, and I mean EVER do something stupid as drinking bleach. There have been cases of people drinking bleach to take their own lives and this should not be taken as a joke and attempted by ANYONE! Remember, life is precious. Never take it for granted.

1. Anal Buffet:

YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! Whenever online dating was a trend in the early 90s, I had the misfortune of having a courtship with the most controversial and most-hated porn star in the world-- Veronica Moser. If you're wondering why she was labeled the most-hated porn star in the world, here's the reason: She was a coprophage. Anyway, enough past history. The thumbnail of the video in question is enough to make you not want to watch it. Shot in Snuff Film-quality, we are treated to a shot of a pretty brunette woman laying on the floor until a guy sticks his gross, hairy, misshapen ass down over her face and drops a steaming pile of mud monkeys on her. I swear to God, coprophages who are so blissfully unaware of contracting hepatitis, might as well be signing their own death certificate if they continue this.

1. 4 Girls Finger-painting:

With an innocuous-sounding title such as this, you'd expect to see four little girls (maybe best friends or sisters) finger-painting. Nope, it's far from that. Yes, there are four girls (late 20s), finger-painting. Their canvases: their own naked bodies. Their choice of paint: their own poo, sadly. Do not look at this if you value you love of chocolate soft-serve ice cream or chocolate frosting.

1. 2 Girls, 1 Finger:

Say hello to the successor of 2 Girls, 1 Cup-- 2 Girls, 1 Finger. Another video to fall into the category of Jap-Scat and Emetophilia. What really adds to the gag factor of this is not only seeing two Japanese girls (Mayura Hoshitsuki and Akane Mochida) literally swap a string of spit while they kiss, but also annoying Polka music. Through out the entire video, the two girls decide to partake in a vomit smorgasbord. Wtf, did you not have any place else to puke after you had too much Sake and Sapporo to wash down the sashimi you had the other night? What got to me about this video was, the girls puking directly on the camera, then playing with their vomit as if it were fucking Kinetic Sand. When everyone thought the two were gonna be 69ing, the girl on the bottom takes in a block of brown cement in her mouth... Don't watch this while you are eating or if you have already eaten.

1. BottleGuy:

More of a still image than a live video. I don't know if this is the same guy from Goatse, or a totally different dude. Anyway, just as the title suggests, the image depicts a naked schmuck outdoors in broad daylight with his back to the camera and an apparent 40oz Malt Liquor bottle stuck inside his ass. Aside from this being gross and obviously too painful to look at, it's more or less designed to shock unsuspecting people in a good prank. Wait, it IS the same guy from Goatse. >_<

1. Lemon Party:

Not so much as shocking and disturbing, but... um... yeah. Anyway, when a person looks up Lemon Party, they will not find an advertisement for lemon-flavored alcohol, but instead, a picture of three old geezers having a threesome. This shocker was referenced everywhere, an on these shows: The Simpsons, 30 Rock, and American Dad. This image also falls into the category of prank shockers.

1. Blue Waffle:

While there are some waffles out there that are made with blue food coloring. You're not going to find this here. Instead of being treated to an image of Smurf Waffles, it actually shows the close-up of a woman's diseased genitals. Aside from this being a shocking and disgusting image, this should also be used to teach those about STDs and the dangers of unprotected sex with a person who has HIV.

1. 2 Kids, 1 Sandbox:

Don't let the title full you. This is not a video recorded by parents showing their children playing in a sandbox. Aww, how sweet! WRONG! This video shows a man and woman in a typical porn video fashion. The couple are shown 69ing-- so far, so good, right? Nope. The girl on top proceeds to take a vibrator and jams it right inside of the poor man's schlong. His screams of agony are clearly heard, and the chick disregards any pain she has caused and mistakes it for screams of pleasure. Many have speculated that hard drugs were used, but that is unsubstantiated evidence. Something tells me that the dude ended up pissing blood for a month after what transpired, and if this was indeed husband an wife, I sure as shit hope he filed for divorce. This video has not only caused many men's dicks to hurt and their balls draw up, but sadly, when the ladies saw the footage, they screamed in shock and disgust. Honestly, I can't blame them for screaming. Who the hell puts a dildo inside of a guy's dingdong anyway?! YOU ARE ON METH!

1. 1 Man, 1 Jar:

Also known as Mason Jar Vasectomy. Not gonna go into any great detail about this. But, it features a fully-naked Russian guy who sits on a empty glass which enters his backdoor and breaks inside. this is enough to make your ass hurt. Boy, assholes sticking stuff up their assholes... -_-

1. Whale Explosion:

Not meant as a shocker, but more or less a didn't-see-it-coming-type video. Essentially, a sperm whale that's been dead for 2 days washes up on the beach. When one worker makes an incision, other onlookers witness the poor creature's insides explode as a result of methane gas buildup. This was featured on SKY NEWS.

1. 2 Guys 1 Horse:

"Sorry, Wilbur, there ain't a snowball's chance in hell that I'm gonna associate myself with this bestial fruit cake. If ya ask me, he was a real horse's ass!" In 2005, a short-lived internet celebrity who went by the name of Mr Hands (born Kenneth Pinyin) from Washington State died as a result of injuries inflicted by the giant dick of his friend's horse. There is a difference between riding horses, and getting ridden by a horse in more ways than one. Many have often wondered if is a good idea to have sex with horses. Maybe it's better to just saddle up and ride them. The cause of Mr Hands' death was a perforated colon. The sad part was, this joker was too ashamed to admit how he got his rectum pulverized in the first place. Never ever try to have sex with horses, because if you do, it will likely get you in the ass.

1. 3 Guys 1 Hammer:

3 men from the Ukraine brutally murder somebody with a hammer and screwdriver. These men are sometimes referred to as the Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs. Luckily, the scumbags responsible for their crimes have received life imprisonment + an additional nine years for the other victim. For more info, please click this link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dneprope…

1. Clock Spider:

If you are an arachnophobe, I suggest you don't Google this Image Search term. The Clock Spider is actually called a Huntsman Spider, commonly found in Australasia, Africa, Asia, The Mediterranean Basin, and the Americans. These are not your common, run-of-the-mill spider, because these fuckers can grown from 10-12 inches, and can easily conceal themselves under a clock, hence the name "Clock Spider".

1. Your Symptoms:

For the love of God, DON'T DO IT! Entering a simple thing as a cough, headache, or backache will make you think you have cancer, when you could be just totally fine. I suggest talking to your doctor or health care provider instead of relying on Google to tell you what is wrong with you.

1. Ballerina Feet:

Anytime we think of Ballet and Ballerinas, artistic beauty and grace comes to mind. Of course Ballerinas may appear agile, light on their feet, innocent, and captivating, but their performances come with a price. Behind the soft, sweet, innocent facade on Ballet, ballerinas have been known to continue dancing despite things such as stress fractures and broken bones occurring. Normally, one would take time off and recovering from a severe career-ending injury, but decide to go against doctor's orders and continue working. Male ballerinas also suffer the same fate, too, and also sustain muscle injuries for heavy lifting and constant moving. If any ballerina is looking at this, I suggest you take time off and recover before you continue. Your health is more important than trying to overwork yourself for the sake of art.

1. Christine Chubbuck Suicide Video:

*Christine Chubbuck, born in Hudson, Ohio, was an American television news reporter who worked for WTOG and WXLT-TV in Florida. Chubbuck had been struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies her who life, with lack of relationships generally being the cause, and on top of that, her personal life was "not enough" according to her mother. The mother did not disclose any info about her daughter's suicidal tendencies, because she feared Chubbuck would be fired as a result. On the morning of July 15, 1974, Chubbuck confused co-workers by claiming she had to read a newscast to open Suncoast Digest, something she had never done before. During the first eight minutes of her program, Chubbuck covered three national news stores and a shooting from the previous day at a local restaurant. The film reel of the restaurant shooting had jammed and would not run, so Chubbuck shrugged it off and said on-camera, "In keeping with Channel 50's policy of bringing you the latest in 'blood and guts', and in living color, you are going to see another first-- atempted suicide." She then drew a revolver and shot herself behind her right ear, and fell forward violently. The technical directed faded the broadcast rapidly to black. The station quickly ran a standard public service ad and then a movie. Some television viewers called the police, while others called the station to inquire if the shooting was staged. Chubbuck was taken to Sarasota Memorial Hospital where she was pronounced dead 14 hours later. She was 29-years-old at the time of her death.
*source: Wikipedia

1. First Time Ball Busters:

Not so much as shocking, but will definitely make the testicles of every guy who watches the content hurt. Just a trailer for the nutcracking fetish movie of the same title quickly leaked on shock websites. If any guy is stupid to re-enact the scenes from the film, one thing's for certain: you will never be able to have kids for the rest of your life. Hey, at least you won't have to worry about getting a vasectomy, the honeys in this film already beat your nuts to a fucking mangled pulp. Seriously, I think the guy who participated in First Time Ball Busters was probably on meth. Go figure. :facepalm:

1. ILoveTheFishes.com:

"ILoveTheFishes.com"? Hey, that sounds like a website for marine life appreciation for National Geographic Kids. Maybe I can look up some information about sharks and-- WHAT THE FUCK?! With a very misleading title and a very convincing URL that will lull you into a false sense of security and make you think you're gonna be seeing undersea creatures, it is another disgusting fetish video from Japan with a silly-sounding song that sounds like the intro to an anime. Basically, two Japanese lesbians having fun with little fishies-- eels to be exact... shit, they look more like candiru than eels. I'm surprised the one receiving these in the backdoor didn't succumb to anal trauma because candirus can latch themselves inside any crevice they can because these little bastards are attracted to human waste (i.e. urine and feces). But if these were little eels, I'm not gonna ask anymore. You know what? Fuck it. Let's move onto number 21. >_>

1. Meatspin:

With a name like Meatspin, you think of up-and-coming butchers looking for ideas to help them out in their profession. You are treated to spinning meat, but sadly, that is not the case. You aren't seeing sausages or hot dogs being spun, but instead, two young gay men engaged in sexual activity, the video looping, and the guy on top with his dingdong spinning endlessly.

1. Turdgasm (aka Warm and Fuzzy Feeling):

While not shocking, but more like a made-for-comedy-central-type video, the clip starts off with an elderly couple on Christmas Eve. The husband and wife are in their living room, opening presents. The wife opens a present that her husband gave her, and she finds a male Pug Nose dog inside. What makes this video more hilariously fucked up is that the pooch has a CGI human dick added on him, giving new meaning to the phrase "Doggy-Style". This video is available on YouTube and it goes by "Warm and Fuzzy Feeling.

1. Tubgirl:

No, this is not the mascot for Bath & Bodyworks, kiddies, far from it. You're not gonna be treated to a video of a pretty young lady relaxing and taking a bath. Instead, you're assaulted by the image of a young Japanese woman wearing a mask, scrunched up in a bath tub and... well, she ain't using Mr Bubbles, Calgon, Clinique, or any other bath soap to bathe in. She's pretty much bathing in her own orange ass waste. If you value your love of orange juice or nacho cheese, I'd suggest staying away from this.

1. Octopus Girl:

Looking more like a scene from a shot-on-shitteo horror film, this one really takes the cake. Remember the urban legend of the girl who swallowed octopus eggs while swimming in the ocean and then ends up giving birth to an octopus? Another asian beauty is seen naked from the waist down while a octopus slowly emerges from her va-jay-jay. Yeah, like I want to see a girl give birth to a character from Finding Nemo. -_-

1. BigLemonParty.com:

The successor to LemonParty. This time, instead of several old geezers having a threesome, it is a total of near-50-some men in their late 30s to early 60s all ranging from just having some brewskies, shooting the shit, and of course, kissing, making out, and getting sucked off by their buddies. While this is the biggest dick fest (no pun intended) ever, it's still a good image to shock the living hell out of someone.

1. Plane Crash Transcripts:

PlaneCrashInfo.com is a very disturbing, if not shocking website containing transcripts of dialogue recorded in the plane's cockpit. Starting with Alitalia Airline's Flight 771, July 7th, 1962 all the way to Polish Air Force flight 1549's accident. This also includes, sadly, the transcripts of the commotion that was recorded on September 11th, 2001, of American Airlines Flight 581 and United Airlines Flight 93. Included are audio clips in MP3 format of the disasters that took place. While very shocking, it is also very sad to hear the final words of passengers, flight crew, and those in the cockpit before they meet their demise.

1. Toy.avi:

A video that has also been the main focus of the titular creepypasta. Very unsettling to some, and is considered pure nightmare fuel by some who have not seen it. The video is in very poor quality, and it shows. We are first greeted by what looks like a young man giving a video game tutorial or more like a walkthrough on a classic game. The walkthrough is quickly interrupted and goes to black for a few seconds, and we see a shot of someone's hand being cut into and ultimately ripped apart, all while the sound of a baby crying in pain is heard in the background and horror film-type piano music mixed in, and reversed... then it cuts back tot he young man resuming his video game walkthrough. This video has been viewed numerous time by famous YouTubers and random YouTubers alike. Some who have seen this a few times are not at all bothered by the shocking, gory, and graphic nature of the content. While some who have seen it the first time claimed that they could not sit through it.

1. DadParty.com:

While many think this URL is a website for men, you know, finding stuff like beer, things for the man cave, and what have you. Nope. Actually, it's a tattooed man having an orgy with two transsexual women, with Def Leppard's "Making Love Like A Man" set on a loop. Gee, I wonder if there is a MomParty? No way in hell.

1. BME Pain Olympics:

Pain Olympics sounds like a competition sponsored by Gorgon Video, or the brainchild of Hidenshi Hino. BME Pain Olympics is a very painful competition where people participate in going to great lengths to prove they are able to withstand extreme pain. Taking place since 2002, there have been countless videos of entrants inflicting vicious of not violent acts of pain on themselves, and even going so far as to cut off their own junk. Gee, guys, if you wanted to get your ding-dong cut off, why couldn't you have just gone to Lorena Bobbitt? Shit, what some brain-dead assholes will do for fame and attention. :facepalm:

1. Bowl Girl:

Fuck, you think we've seen enough videos of [Insert nasty noun here] Girl?! Another vomit-inducing shock video straight from the land of the rising sun, and it's literally that-- vomit-inducing. There is a good and bad part to this one. The good-- the young lady in the footage is beautifully-dressed, looking really stunning, and from the looks of it, she is seated at a dinner table about to tuck into some soup. Awww, look, she also has a candle lit. Is she going to have this dinner with her boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or life partner? Sure seems like it. :meow: The bad part-- she's alone, it isn't anything from Campbell's, Progresso, or from any restaurant or her own kitchen. IT'S HER PUKE!!! For the first minute and thirty-eight seconds, we see the woman puking several times into a bowl and then casually eats her own throw-up. I wonder about the poor soul behind the camera trying his/her best to hold back the urge to blow chunks all over the young lady's dining room floor. I strongly urge you not to watch this if you love any type of creamy soup or you have already eaten. Hell, I was trying my best not to gag while I scanned through the content... thank God I survived.

1. HAI2U:

This one barely got to me considering it was just a still image. Long story short, hai2u.com is a some-what tame if not disgusting shock site of a woman projectile vomiting while performing oral sex on a man sitting in a lawn chair. According to the website's description, the man is Max Hardcore and the woman is Mexican adult porn starlet Cataline, who later became his girlfriend for quite sometime. The term "hai2u" is an internet slang commonly used on IRC, and is a shorter form of the greeting "hi to you". The site is sent to people as a greeting, and because of its content, they thank the sender for the link. Um... thank them? Only one I would be thanking if my porcelain room mate right next to my home office. :puke:

1. Intestinal Regurgitation Scene from "City of the Living Dead":

First time I saw this, I literally lost my lunch. This 1983 horror film directed by Italian horror film legend Lucio Fulci is not only scary as hell, but it involves one of the most nastiest scenes ever. Two of the film's characters Rose Kelvin (Daniela Doria) and Tommy Fisher (Michele Soavi), a teen couple, are necking and making out when they see a ghostly image of the film's main antagonist, Father Thomas, outside the jeep. It isn't before long until the undead padre uses a powerful, mesmerizing stare to make Rose's eyeballs bleed and vomit her entire guts out while her boyfriend watches and doesn't do anything to stop it. And on top of that, he gets his brains ripped out by an unseen ghoul. If this seen doesn't make you puke, nothing else will. Do not watch while you eat! Other than having this video nasty, "City of the Living Dead" is pretty good.

1. Gross-Out (1990 Film):

The whole movie in its entirety... -_-

1. Thanksgiving Does A Body Good:

Wait, I thought it was milk? Umm.. yeah, not so much as graphic, shocking, or disgusting, it's mainly a video of an extremely overweight woman scarfing down a turkey by herself and says the title of the video. I thought a single turkey was enough to serve an entire family on Thanksgiving, not those who have appeared on the Jerry Springer Show.

1. Weird Guy Blows Snot Rocket on Floor Than Eats It:

Just like the video says. Right inside a bar, we see a man who looks like a hybrid of Willem Dafoe and Charles Manson blow a snot rocket onto the floor, picks it up, and eats the damn thing. If you're gonna blow a snot rocket, blow it outside, and not in a fucking bar!

1. Zit Popping Videos:

We all know the relief we get from popping that annoying (and sometimes painful) zit. There are a lot of videos like this circulating on the net of men and women, young and old getting the biggest zit, pimple, and abscesses being popped. Ranging from looking like an infected human play-doh machine to fossilized and long-forgotten, this will make you gag, no doubt.

1. Hot Tub Fail - The Accident:

Ah, nothing like getting into a nice relaxing hot tub with your friends and the one you love, right? Just play some music, crack open some sodas, chug a few beers, talk about life, nothing in the world quite like it, huh? Well, that would've been the case for this group of college-aged kids. Anyway, a young man hooking up with three gorgeous women in the hot tub has his fun ruined when one of the girls who neglected to go to the bathroom before hand turns the water a dark brown, causing the others to run like hell. More like "Hot Tub Porta-John" than "Hot Tub Time Machine". Anyone wanting to go into a hot tub, please remember to go to the bathroom before hand or don't eat anything that's gonna make you shit yourself, and you're gonna be just fine.

1. Police Dash Cam Footage:

While used in police vehicles to gather evidence during traffic stops and car chases, some dash cam systems are automatically activated when a police car's emergency lights or siren are turned on. In some cases, some police officers get accused of police brutality as a result of tampering with their cameras to disable audio or video recordings. On the other hand, some dash cam footage can be pretty bad-ass, while others can be down-right shocking.

1. Trypophobia (Fear of holes):

Do not enter this search term if you are afraid of things with holes.

1. Niki Catsouras:

Nikki Catsouras (March 4, 1988 - October 31, 2006) was a California native who lost her life in 2006 in a fatal car accident after losing control of her father's Porsche 911 Carrera at high speed and collided with a light poll in Lake Forest, California. Her family was not required to identify her body because she was so badly mangled. Despite her family's attempts and best efforts to keep her out of the public eye, the photos taken by the California Highway Patrol leaked online anyway, and they are found with a simple Google search term.

1. Steve Irwin's Death:

Steve Irwin, best known as "The Crocodile Hunter" on Animal Planet. On September 4, 2006, while taking part in production of the documentary series Ocean's Deadliest, during a lull in filming caused by inclement weather, Irwin decided to snorkel in shallow waters while being filmed in an effort to provide footage for his daughter's TV show Bindi: The Jungle Girl. While swimming chest-deep in water, Irwin approached a stingray with an approximate span of two meters (6.5 ft) from the rear in order to film it swimming away. The stingray propped on its front and started stabbing wildly with its tail, as a defensive response to being boxed in, causing its barb to pierce Irwin's heart, resulting in him bleeding to death. Crew members aboard Irwin's boat administered CPR and rushed him to shore. He was pronounced dead at the scene. It is believed that Steve Irwin's death is the only fatality from a stingray ever captured on video. In the weeks following Steve Irwin's death, at least ten stingrays were found dead and mutilated on the beaches of Queensland with their tails cut off. Rather it was an act of revenge by the fans, or just for anglers to avoid being stung by accident remains unconfirmed.
Have any honorable or dishonorable mentions? Let me know in the comments below.

My dad died a few years ago, but only now have I managed to get his old comics library together with my own. It's not in very good condition both due to use, and some sun damage in the last five years. Still it is filled with stuff I really appreciate or that I have some sort of emotional connection to. Most of it are French or Portuguese editions of the books, with a few books in English that are my own.
Most of it is not ordered in any proper way. In the shelf pictures you can find Tintin, Valérian and Laureline, Astérix, Spirou, Lucky Luke, Gaston Lagaffe, Blake and Mortimer, Yoko Tsuno are probably the most represented.
Not on the shelf are a few comic strip paperbacks. What I believe to be a full collection of Calvin and Hobbes, a few Cul de Sac books, and a bunch of Zits books. Finally, temporarily in front of other books are quite few Peanuts pocket books, from Coronet.
I also took the time to take a few pictures of pages I found interesting or amusing.
Included in my Dad's collection was a study of comics, which includes a bunch of great images. Harold Foster was a great artist and a couple of examples of that can be seen here:
https://imgur.com/TomFtli
https://imgur.com/HeXhmC6
I also found a French Flash Gordon anthology that features this wonderful endsheet:
https://imgur.com/HeXhmC6
Finally here's a couple of pages from a shortlived Portuguese magazine, featuring Hogarth's Tarzan, and a Western by Jesús Blasco the creator of Cuto, who I suppose is unknown in the US:
https://imgur.com/TFQpKtT
https://imgur.com/rBGLtkn
​
Here's the gallery:
https://imgur.com/a/MekxW63
​
P.S.: Finally, finally, this is unrelated to comics, but among my dad's book collection I found what is actually a kind of first edition of Old Man and the Sea. A BotM club edition book that was apparently used by the original Portuguese translator of the book. The spine is a bit damaged by sunlight but otherwise it is in fine condition.

Goedemorgen luitjes,
Weet iemand waar een winkel zit waar ze comics van Marvel verkopen enzo? Het liefst in omgeving van Rotterdam of Delft :)

The Zits wiki makes reference to Pierce having posted some racially insensitive tweets. I haven't kept up much with the comic over the years, and can't find anything about this. Anyone know if this is true, and which strips address this?
Thanks!

Hé iedereen
Bizar waar het allemaal vandaan komt maar ik ben de laatste paar dagen chronisch zo moe. Zal wel met mijn slaappatroon te maken hebben.
Een van de dingen waar ik het vaakst over nadenk is het idee van zelfvertrouwen. Waarschijnlijk omdat ik al sinds mijn jeugd een gebrek aan heb. Het begrip zelfvertrouwen Kan naar mijn mening vaak nogal subjectief zijn, en iedereen kan zijn eigen definitie er aanhangen. Die definities zijn vaak tot meerdere of mindere mate waar. Van sommige zou ik zou zeggen dat ze de lading wel helemaal dekken.
Zoals jullie wel weten als jullie mijn stukjes lezen was ik laatst alleen bij comic con. En ik had wel best interesse om gesprekjes te hebben met mensen, of om in elk geval contact te hebben. Maar tegelijkertijd ben ik ook best wel verlegen en sociaal onhandig dus ik loop ook niet zomaar op mensen af om hallo te zeggen.
Nou was ik naar de Jaarbeurs aan het lopen vanaf het Centraal Station en toen zag ik een man lopen in een Kylo Ren pak. Aan zijn manier van bewegen zag ik dat hij zijn rol serieus nam.
Ik merkte aan mezelf dat ik heel erg het idee had om iets tegen hem te zeggen om in te spelen op zijn kostuum als een manier van contact leggen. Ik dacht op het moment misschien aan hem Ben noemen maar nu ik hier zit had ik waarschijnlijk beter iets kunnen zeggen van. “Ik weet waar Luke Skywalker is” ofzo. Op een positieve manier mee spelen zeg maar.
(jemig dat laatste was echt beter geweest dan mijn idee toen ik daar was lol)
Maar uiteindelijk heb ik dat niet gedaan. Ik voelde toch best wel een barrière om mezelf zo kwetsbaar op te stellen. En dat heeft me ook weer introspectief gemaakt merk ik.
Want waarom kon ik niks zeggen? Dat is een vraag waarover je eindeloos kan denken maar het komt er geloof ik op neer dat ik niet in staat bleek om me kwetsbaar op te stellen voor zijn reactie weer terug. Ik kon in andere woorden dus de onvoorspelbaarheid niet aan.
En ik denk dat dat een mogelijke definitie is van het woord zelfvertrouwen. “Bereid zijn om te gaan met onvoorspelbaarheid”
Laten we voor het gemak even zeggen dat ik iets heel onhandigs had gezegd (doe ik helaas wel vaker) wat waren dan de gevolgen geweest? Dan had ik me even heel ongemakkelijk gevoeld, en dan was die cosplayer geïrriteerd geraakt. Maar dat was het waarschijnlijk wel een beetje geweest. Ik had die avond gewoon weer in mijn eigen bedje kunnen slapen is wat ik bedoel te zeggen.
Het goeie hier aan is wel dat ik denk dat je wel aanzienlijk kan leren op dit vlak. En dat hoe vaker je die risico’s neemt en je kwetsbaar opstelt hoe makkelijker het wordt.
Sorry, dit is even een hard op nadenken sessie geworden. Ik zal nu ophouden.
Hier laat ik het vanavond even bij
Tot morgen
Soap

Hé iedereen
Vandaag was een heel introspectieve dag.
Zoals ik wel eens eerder gedeeld heb hier, sinds het begin van COVID heb ik eigenlijk alleen maar thuis gezeten. En heb ik vrij consistent eigenlijk niks ondernomen, vooral buitenshuis. En op een bepaalde manier moet ik echt weer leren hoe dat soort dingen gaan en hoe ik ze moet aanpakken. Psychologisch en in de praktijk.
Aankomend weekend is in Utrecht Comic Con. ik heb al een kaartje ervoor sinds voordat COVID begon. En het is dus wel mijn intentie om er heen te gaan. Maar psychologisch vind ik het erg uitdagend op het moment.
Voor een flink gedeelte komt dat door een gevoel van “wow jemig dat is wel heel anders dan normaal, dat kan je beter uit de weg gaan. Dat gaat namelijk vast niet goed”
Er zitten ook nog wel een paar andere dingetjes bij. Maar het is allemaal een beetje van…”oh jemig dat gaat allemaal vast niet goed, je zit al twee jaar alleen maar thuis en dag kan je vast niet aan, blijf maar veilig thuis”
Vandaag raakte ik een beetje gefrustreerd door het gevoel dat ik nergens een klein stapje kon vinden wat het allemaal een beetje makkelijker te behappen voor me zou maken. Zelfs geld budgetteren ging niet echt “omg je gaat hier geld aan uitgeven, wat als je het nodig hebt? Je krijgt er vast spijt van blah blah blah”
Uiteindelijk heb ik wel iets gevonden. Ik heb bedacht dat ik de trede voor succes zo laag mogelijk moet zetten. Ik zal het uitleggen.
Ik dacht over dat tripje als iets dat van ochtends tot avonds zou duren. Dat kwam namelijk door het feit dat dat is wat ik had gedaan de laatste keer dat ik er was. Maar tegelijkertijd maakte dat van zo’n dag wel een heel groot ding, en het maakt succes lastiger te bereiken.
Dus voorlopig heb ik besloten dat succes voor mij betekend dat ik erheen ga en 5 minuten blijf. Alles daarboven op zou bonus zijn. Eerlijk gezegd zou het nog wel wat naar beneden kunnen en dat ik zeg dat alleen naar Utrecht gaan al succes is, want als ik eenmaal daar ben dan is naar de Jaarbeurs lopen niet zo’n heel groot probleem meer denk ik.
Dus ja, een frustrerende dag maar ik heb wel een klein beetje vooruitgang geboekt:-)
Hier wil ik het vanavond even bij laten denk ik. Jullie zullen er wel meer over horen deze week:-)
Bedankt als je dit gelezen hebt. Lucht wel op voor me.
Tot morgen
Soap

Nope. They can't. Why not Because? Because a pale-skinned Brit is the messenger.
It's Don Medusa's Right Wing Political Horror Theatre, and we're here to kick an adverb for lying. Piers Morgan's "Uncensored" column is the source of inspiration Caution Cam, lonely second best club, and happening invisible zits are waiting for.
https://nypost.com/2022/03/14/how-jussie-smollett-stamped-on-the-grave-of-emmett-till/
It's boring until it's time to counterattack.
"Smollett’s comical self-own.... “If I did this,” he screamed, “then it means I stuck my fist in the fears of black Americans in this country for over 400 years and the fears of the LGBT community.”
Well, yes, you repulsive little twerp, that’s EXACTLY what you did!"
Don't forget to hit R2 as that sinks in.
"Black Lives Matter also backed him after the verdict, saying that “Mr. Smollett has demonstrated a long-standing commitment to helping others. Incarcerating Mr. Smollett would be solely punitive in nature. Mr. Smollett does not pose a threat to anyone.”
Really?
I thought the whole point of prison is that it’s supposed to be “punitive in nature""
"It fell to Smollett’s “Empire” screen mother, Taraji P. Henson, for the most risible defense, in which she compared his situation to that of America’s most infamous race-crime victim, declaring on Instagram: “I am not here to debate you on his innocence but we can agree that the punishment does not fit the crime. Emmett Till was brutally beat & murdered because of a lie & none of the people involved with his demise spent one day in jail.”
Sorry, WHAT?"
So absurd was that charge that it merited a headline as rebuttal.
I think it is time to face a dire truth.
And that is that some people cannot handle reality. The answer to such people is simply to speak up. Reveal their false moralities and expose them to their own eyes.
Black Lives Matter ("the organization, not the movement") will betray truth and justice for the sake of skin color.

So before the Big Nate show came out I commented about my worries on how the show was looking to be a bad adaptation of the strip ala Baby Blues where key material of the strip was sacrificed in order to try and replicate other successful shows. Since it came out I have bee watched all 8 episodes with a friend and I want to put my thoughts on the show here. Has my opinion changed? Sadly no. But allow me to explain why.
First off because anyone who puts there opinion on the internet is basically asking to get piled on. You can like this show if you want that's your decision not mine. We good? Alright let's start with the characters
Overall I would say that a majority of the characters feel off. They share traits and similarity's with there comic strip counter parts like Nate aiming for greatness and Dee Dee being a Drama fanatic. But they act in ways there characters never would have acted. Instead of roasting him constantly and trying to stop him from making bad decisions Nate's friend group acts like a bunch of enablers telling him the bad ideas he has are great. Francis and Teddy are relegated to Nate's posy and don't have that many charecter moments or charecteristic's instead playing second fiddle to Dee Dee. While Dee Dee is a main character in the strip Francis and Teddy should have gotten more attention as Nate's 2 best friends instead there always dropped in favour of Dee Dee or Nate getting more screen time except for the 1 episode that is somewhat Francis centered even then attention is mostly given to Nate in that episode.
Worst of them however is Chad and the Adults. Instead of making Chad his usual adorable innocent food loving little self, They turned him into a freaky kid who does freaky things including but not limited to hallucinating toilet paper as people, enjoying being chewed on by Lizards, Eating Skunks Spray and having a live cat Trapped in his body... As for the Adults they all feel too extreme Martin's too pathetic and doesn't lay the law of the land when Nate deserves it. Mrs. Godfrey is too mean spirited coming off as Malicious to everyone not just Nate. Principal Nicholas comes off as Incompetent to the point of falling for things that previous Principal Nicholas has proven he wouldn't have (For some reason people call him Nickels. Weird pronunciation but okay) every other charecter is done okay, I'm sure if they got more screentime thought they would have been butchered. Also voice acting Jenny sounds to old and someetimes everyone else sounds to old as well. Randy still sucks and Teddy is the only one that sounds 100% like a kid to me and everyone else's voice acting was good.
Setting wise I feel like a lot was missed little touches like Nate's locker exploding everytime it's opened are absent, Important event's like Prank Day and the Holidays don't have an episode yet and Jefferson was done dirty. With the way it was described Jefferson always felt like a High School building that was repurpoused for the Upper Crust's elementry students. Something that could possibly happen in real life ,this show instead turned it into a high tech greek styled Pantheon which feels totally fictional. Every other setting is fine and PS38 looks like it's falling apart. But Jefferson in particular made me feel like they misunderstood it's purpose as an antagonist to PS38.
This brings me to my biggest problem I had with the show it fails at bringing it's plot's full circle. In the episode where Nate writes a Romance Novel, the starting conflict is Ellen feeling heartbroken due to breaking up with Gordie (who we don't see). While Nate ends up offending Nicholos and Godfrey with unflattering depictions of them in his following books Ellen get's out of her bad mood after reading it. more stuff happens and Nate's Dad pretending to be the author of Nate's books reveals his identity to Ellen who is heart broken and sad all over again. A good show would have had her come back and defend Nate and Marty to resolve the conflict between the teachers after realizing Nate wrote the story after her. But we don't see her for the rest of the episode meaning she hasn't overcome anyting at all and the main problem of Ellen being sad wasn't fixed. Same goes for the camping episode Nicholas says at the begining that theres a termite problem and they don't have money to fix it so they plot to poach and eagle egg, get caught and then end the episode without solving the original conflict. Failing at such a basic level of story telling that is resolving your conflicts completely baffles me.
The worst episode by far is the Zit one not only is it gross, not only is it disgusting but the plot jumps every where and nobody is likable, Nate get's a god complex from his magic pimple and does gross things to get it to grow bigger disturbing imagery comes out of nowhere and Dee Dee's side plot feels like it shouldn't have even happened in the first place had Dee Dee been written like her strip counterpart.
Now I'm not saying it's all bad I actually think Ellen's character specifically is really well done (most of the time), the animation style is actually pretty good and there were a lot of moments in the show that got a laugh out of me. Fundamentally how ever just like I feared it would be Big Nate to me feels like a bad adaptation and that just ruins it for me. That's not the scary part however fetish fuel like "THE BUTTCHEEK SONG" and "DEATH BY PREGNANT HAMSTER" we're not in any of the episodes meaning there probably going to be used in the upcoming episodes yet to be released. Best case scenario there dropped completely but seeing as those scenes we're basically finished and considering how much money they would be throwing away I'm not going to hold my breath.
(Also theres some extremley disturbing imagery used like a man trying to claw his way out of a bears stomach and Rat's exploding with realistic flesh and bones being left behind so... I didn't know where to fit that in so I just put it at the end here)

https://comicskingdom.com/zits/2022-03-11

The Scene Begins with Sebastian Playing on his Nintendo switch in the lair
Sebastian Plays Super smash bros Ultimate
Sebastian: Come on take that Link yeah i got ya oh man you think your so tough Mario Solid snake will wreck ya
Camaro Then comes in
Camaro: Dude are you playing video games?
Sebastian: Yeah boy what does it look like?
Camaro: Well we have to go Braxgin just told me that me and you have Collect Vuna rocks for the Lair
Sebastian: Oh come on cant we do it next time?
Camaro: He said now and thats that
Sebastian: But
He pulls his ear
Sebastian: Ow Ow fine
The Scene cuts to Camaro and Ben at the Vultra planet
Camaro: Is that all
Sebastian: Uh ... No
Camaro: Come on Knucklehead Vultracous wants all 110 of these in a week
Sebastian: Whats it for anyways?
Camaro: How should i know he didnt tell me?
Sebastian: Wow is it a crime to ask?
Camaro: Just shut up and looks for more Vuna rocks
Sebastian: Whatever
A rock starts to crumble and fall down
Sebastian sees as it almost hits Camaro and rushes in to save him
Sebastian: You alright pal?
Camaro: Yeah im fine just continue on searching
Sebastian: Thank you would be nice! geez no gratitude at all
Sebastian goes into a tunnel and searches for Vuna rocks
Sebastian: Still nothing man im bored ,, Well back to searching
As Sebastian walks away he finds Vuna rocks
Sebastian: Hey Cam
Camaro: What!
Sebastian: I Found some more
Camaro: Good Get your ass over here and lets go
Sebastian: Coming
A Robotic control device then jumps out with glowing eyes
Sebastian: Woah whats this some sort of Game boy?
Camaro: Hey hurry up dont make me leave you behind
Sebastian: Okay coming
He puts it in his pocket
The Scene cuts to Sebastian in his Bed sleeping in his apartment
His Alarm rings
Sebastian: Ah!
He turns it off and gets out of bed
Sebastian: Another Morning another Day
He goes into the Bathroom and jumps into the shower he gets out and puts on his clothes
He then goes to Watch Brokehouse on tv as he sits down
Sebastian: Ha this show freaking rules Welp I'm gonna go to the comic book store and read some classic
He walks out
Sebastian: Oops Almost Forgot this
He grabs his Techna Pad and then walks out
Biker: Move douche!
Sebastian: You went past me ass clown! Freaking idiot
Sebastian Gets on his skateboard and rides to the comic book store
Sebastian Then arrives
Zit face: Hey Sebastian how ya doing?
Sebastian: I'm doing great my man
Zit face: so what you gonna choose today
Sebastian: The latest avengers comic would be great
Zit face: excellent choice my man
He grabs a comic book and reads it
Sebastian: Ah this looks cool How much for this?
Zit face: five ninety five
He gives him the money
Zit face: keep the change
Sebastian: Thanks
The Scene cuts to Sebastian at home he is ready his comic book he brought
His techna pad makes a sound
Techna Pad: Beep
Sebastian: Huh? What was that
It makes the beep sound again
Sebastian: Oh it's this thing
It beeps
Sebastian: What is it?
It beeps again
Sebastian: You wanna be played?
Techna Pad: Beep
Sebastian: Alright if that's what you want
He turns it on ad he goes on it
Sebastian: I wonder what games they gave here
A plays a game which is like pac man
Sebastian: Hey this game kinda reminds me of pac man
He Carries on playing it
Sebastian: This is kinda fun
As he continues to play it he starts to become addicted
The Scene cuts to the Lair
Braxgin: Alright today we'll go everywhere in the universe and ambush the power Rangers make and we will make sure that we make we'll bring them dead not even breathing or no response
Camaro: What is that?
Sebastian: Oh this? That's just a new gaming device I found
Camaro: Where?
Sebastian: Uh... Walmart?
Braxgin: Sebastian!
Sebastian: Uh yes Braxgin
Braxgin: Are you listening at all?
Sebastian: Uh yeah
Braxgin: Then exactly did I say
Luka: Yeah Sebastian!
Sebastian: Shut up! Something about The Fortnite?
Braxgin: Pay attention next Time
Luka: * Blows raspberry *
Sebastian hits her
Luka: Ow!
The Scene cuts to the Rangers having visit in the Sea Thunder universe
The Vultra Soliders and Braxgin with Camaro and Sebastian are watching them
Braxgin: Remember the Plan?
Camaro: Yeah yeah I remember Sebastian do you?
He sees him playing the Techna Pad
Camaro: Yo!
Sebastian: Huh What?
Camaro: Do you remember the plan?
Sebastian: Oh the plan yeah totally remember
Braxgin: You better shhh here they come
Aisha: Last Time I'm ever going near water
Ben: Is it because you dont like getting your hair wet?
Aisha: No
Braxgin: Alright now!
They appear and ambush them
Therntin: What the...
Braxgin: Good Evening Rangers!
Brain: It isn't now since your here
Camaro: Your coming with us now!
Gillz: Not a chance
Ben: Its Morphing Time!
They Morph and The Fight Begins
Ben uses his Scorpio strike swords to clash with Camaro as he uses his Blood Horn Stickle aswell
Camaro: Its been a long time since we last faced off hasn't it Ben?
Ben: Sure has
They both grunt
Brain uses his Brain Shock gun to blast at the Soliders and then goes Lightning mode to shock them all Then Tambith appears and Blasts him
Brain: Agh!
Tambith: You should focus more you might not know who'll attack you from behind
Brain: Thank you for the reminder
Therntin uses his Lightning Mhjor to throw at the Maxzill but he grabs it and throws it at him
Therntin: Nice Throw
Maxzill: You weren't supposed to catch it
Gillz Uses his Sharper Net to pull them and give them a punch While Aisha uses her Plant Slasher to slash them
Sebastian tries to fight Morde Morde tries to attack but Sebastian dodges while on his Techna Pad
Morde: Um hello aren't we fighting?
Sebastian: Go away Lizard breathe I'm in a middle of a game
Morde: Well is you trying to kill all of us more important than a game?
Brain: Morde!
Sebastian: Pfft As if
Camaro sees
Camaro: What's he doing?! That idiot
Braxgin: Huh? Grrr!
He walks up to him
Braxgin: You! Focus on the fight put that techno heap of a device away and help us
Sebastian: Okay geez but after this okay?
Ben: Maybe this is our chance
Brain: Fire
They blast at them
Camaro: Ah!
Braxgin: Grrr! Retreat for now and you!
Sebastian looks
Braxgin: I'll deal with you when we get back
Brain: What was that about?
Ben: I dont know im just glad there gone
The Scene cuts to The Lair
Braxgin: You know why were annoyed with you Sebastian?
Sebastian: Why?
Braxgin: Because you made us look like a fool by playing that techno pad thingy you have thats why we were nearly beaten and we failed to get the rangers all because of you imbecility
Sebastian: Look im sorry it's just this game i found during Vuna rocks search
Camaro: You said you brought it at wall mart?
Sebastian: I Lied
Braxgin: And your even a liar?
Sebastian: Your people lie all the time so dont turn this around on us humans
Braxgin: You compare us Vultranaughts to humans!
Trunx: Your in for it now
Camaro: Your not helping!
Braxgin: I Should destroy that device right in front of you
Sebastian: Dont!
Just as Braxgin touches the Techna Pad it shocks him
Braxgin: Argh!
Karvac: Uncle Braxgin!
Sebastian: Oh my god... Awesome!
Maxzill: Awesome you almost killed him!?
Sebastian: He should have not grabbed me
Braxgin: Get out and never come back if i even see you i'll blast your head off
Sebastian: Camaro your not with him arent you?
Camaro: I Suggest you leave you already screwed up already dont want to see you again
Sebastian: Fine your just as worst as him
The Scene cuts to Sebastian at home
Sebastian: Stupid Ass-hole Braxgin and his Nephews and Camaro i dont need them as long i got you Pad thingy but for now its time to use my laptop and do some streaming on my youtube channel
The Techna Pad speaks
Techna Pad: Hello Sebastian.
Sebastian: Who said that?
Tech Pad: Down hear
Sebastian: Holy crap you can talk?
Techna Pad: Of course I can I can do many things you wish other than you playing me
Sebastian: Like what?
Techna Pad: Let me show you you see that guy who almost hit you with his bike?
Sebastian: Yes?
Techna Pad: Watch this
The techna pad sends out metal tiny bombs
Biker: What the?
They explode and the biker runs
Sebastian: Neat!
Techna Pad: Are you ready to fun?
Sebastian: Damn right I am
The Scene cuts to Sebastian with the Techna Pad getting into all types of mischief
Sebastian: What does this button do?
Techna Pad: Let me show you
He sends out something to the Ranger's Base which is a Droid?
Penelope: What the Hell is that?
Bill: Maybe its a package from amazon
Ben: Careful we might not know what it is
Brain: I'll open it
Brain uses his box cutter to open the box he slices it and opens
Vic: Looks like a Boom box
The box Activates
Klayton: Is it gonna play music?
The box starts firing at them
All: Aaaaaah Ah ah ah
Brain shoots it
Cece: Oh my god
Sebastian: What just happened?
Techna Pad: I just sented a Laser Box to the Rangers headquarters plus time machine
Sebastian: Awesome!!
Techna Pad: That's not all
Sebastian: What's this?
Techna Pad: Camera footage
Sebastian: This thing can spy on people?
Techna Pad: Certainly
Camera footage shows of a hot girl at a pool
Sebastian: Nice!
Techna Pad: So what shall we do today Sebastian?
Sebastian: Hm.. let shall we do? Hm.... Everything!
The Scene cuts to a Montage of Sebastian hanging out with Techna Pad
They go on long days on the beach
Rollercoaster rides
To a movie theatre
To his college but plays it during class
When he is at college but gets attacked by a bully and his techna Pad protects him
At the skate park
Even at a fancy restaurant
And also plays it at a concert
Sebastian: Hell yeah!
The Scene cuts to Sebastian with his Techna Pad in bed
Sebastian: Oh man I had so much fun
Techna Pad: So did I Sebastian
Sebastian: Would you like to play me again
Sebastian: Well sorry I cant it's been a night and I'm feeling warned out
Techna Pad: But I feel like we should go another round what do you say maybe some ping pong
Sebastian: Fine but after this no more
He plays
Techna Pad: Good good Evil voice Good
The Scene cuts to Sebastian waking up in the morning
He wakes only to find awesome jewellery and money and gaming stuff
Sebastian: What the Hell is all this
Techna Pad: Its everything you could ever dreamed of
Sebastian: Awesome! Wait... Techna Pad did you steal all of this?
Techna Pad: Maybe I did maybe i didn't we dont know yet
Sebastian: My guess is that you did Were Returning this right now
Techna Pad: But aren't you happy
Sebastian: I'd be happy if we returned back were it all belonged
The door rings and appears to be the police
Police Officer 1: There he is
Sebastian: What is this!?
Police Officer 2: Your under arrest for stealing every thing in everyone without pay
Sebastian: It wasn't me it was this Techna pad
Police Officer: A criminal and a Nut job get moving pal
The Scene cuts to Sebastian in Jail
Police Officer: Alright your free to go dont ever do this again
Sebastian: Well I hope your happy now cause of you I'm in trouble
Techna Pad: I am
Sebastian: Grrr! Why didn't you tell the truth that it was you who stole those things you got for me if words go out to my parents which I hate they'll disown me for good which I dont care
Techna Pad: I'm afraid I cant reveal myself to everyone Sebastian
Sebastian: Well I'm going to either if I have to use Force
Techna Pad: Dont be Mad at me
Sebastian: Oh I will
The Scene cuts to Sebastian's doing his live stream
Sebastian: Hey folks what's up I'm your man KumongoSpider45t1 and today we have another game play of Fortnite
Techna Pad: What are you doing Sebastian?
Sebastian: Doing my live stream gaming video?
Techna Pad: Aren't you supposed to be playing me right now?
Sebastian: No I wanna sit here and Play fortnight so my fans can watch
Techna Pad: But remember Sebastian you found me thats why we must be together always
Sebastian: Well sometimes when two people hang out they need to go their separate ways
Techna Pad: Well thats when your wrong so dont refuse my offer
Sebastian: Well i just did
Sebastian: Very well
He jumps off the bed and clings on to Sebastian
Sebastian: Get off me i'll shut you down
Techna Pad: Thats what you think
He shocks him
The Scene cuts to Sebastian being locked in his room
Techna Pad: This is fun isn't it?
Sebastian: No
it shocks him
Sebastian: Ah i mean yes it i
Techna Pad: I Love you Sebastian
Sebastian: uh...
Techna Pad: Aren't you going to say it back?
Sebastian: No
He shocks him again
Sebastian: I Love you
Techna Pad: You'll never leave me right?
Sebastian: No No i wouldn't never
Techna Pad: Good
Sebastian: Can i go to the bathroom now?
Techa: You may but if you lie i will kill you
Sebastian leaves to go the the bathroom but lies and runs away
Techna Pad: Where are you going?
Sebastian: Oh i was..
Techna Pad: So after all you were lying im afraid i have to kill you now
Sebastian: Not a chance
He morphs and fights
He uses his Scratch fang slicer to slash him but he quickly jumps on his face controlling him
Sebastian: Argh! Aaaaah!
Techna Pad: You think you can defeat me im just getting started
He stops
Techna Pad: You are now under my control
Sebastian: I Am now under your control
The Scene cuts to The Lair
Braxgin: Whats the matter with you?
Camaro: Ugh nothing
Braxgin: If you have an issue just say it i dont want to waste my time talking to you our plan needs to be in position
Camaro: Its Sebastian
Braxgin: That twit who fails miserably why are bothered by him dont tell me your still angry at him even though i am
Camaro: No im worried about him
Braxgin: Why worry about him he's a loser
Camaro: He maybe an idiot but he's still apart of this team and i feel like he's in grave danger
Braxgin: Maybe he deserves to be in danger after his failure
Camaro: Like your Failure to fall in love with Vonika i cant forget that you freaking wussy
Braxgin: What did you just say you little runt!?
Camaro: You heard me
He walks off
Camaro: Im saving him no matter what just try and stop me
Braxgin: I wont and remember your just a loser just like he is
Camaro: If you want to talk about a loser why dont you look in a Mirror Pal
He walks off again
Braxgin has a vision of him getting bullied when he was a child
Camaro: Im just gonna need some help
The Scene cuts to Camaro walking
He then sees the Rangers
Ben: Camaro!? What do you want?
Therntin: Have you finally came to do The Vultranaught's job that they couldn't do?
Camaro: No
Brain: Then spill it
Camaro: I Need your help only for once thats all?
Aisha: With what?
Camaro: Its Sebastian He's in great danger i just sense it
Ben: Good
Brain: Come on Ben have a heart
Camaro: I owe to him he saved my life in an expedition when i was about to get crush by a pile of rocks when we were searching for well i cant tell you and yeah thats it actually
Morde: That is the most heartwarming story ever
Ben: Wasn't that heartwarming
Brain: Ben!
Morde: Its a deal we'll help you
Camaro: Yeah whatever thanks
Ben: But only once and thats it
The Scene cuts to the Rangers at Sebastian's House
Gillz: Is this the house?
Camaro: Yeah it is
Ben: How do you know?
Camaro: I been to his house we've played call of duty 40 times which i got bored of now come
They walk
Camaro: We'll go through this window
He breaks it
Aisha: Uh the door was opened?
Camaro: My bad
Ben: Woah his place looks neat for a dorky villain
Camaro: Yeah he does a live stream on youtube apperantly i subscribed
They hear muffling
Ben: You hear that?
Camaro: Yeah its over there
They try to knock his door down but its stuck
Gillz: Its stuck!
Morde blasts the door and they get in
Sebastian: Ah guys help!
Brain: Dont worry were here
Sebastian: Camaro I Knew it you'd come and save me
Camaro: Well you saved mine
Sebastian: Now hurry up and get this fucking thing off me now
Ben: On it
Techna Pad: Oh i see you have your friends to save you dont worry they'll join in too
Ben: Like hell we are
Ben uses his Scorpio strike swords to slash giant Techno Pad but it punches him
Therntin: Ben!
Therntin Fly's over with his Lightning Mhjor and throws it but it does no effect and Bounces back
Therntin: Ah Odin's Beard that hurts
Aisha uses her Pollen Laser to fire and kicks the Techna pad
Camaro: Careful Sebastian is still in there
Aisha: Sorry!
She gets knocked down
Techna Pad: You are all too weak on the other hand i am the most powerful being in the universe
Ben: I Dont think you are
Gillz uses his Sharper stick net to pull Techna pad but is too strong and flys him away
Gillz: Is that all you got?
The Techna Pad grows stronger
Ben: You had to ask?!
It uses his Buzz saws
Morde: That is something you dont see now and a then
Brain: Eat this!
he charges up his Brain shock gun to the fullest to kill it but it fails
Brain: Unbelievable!
Camaro: You think that'll work watch this
He jumps into the air using his Blood horn Sickle and hits it but doesn't work
Camaro: Unbelievable
Brain: You think that'll work he says
Camaro: Oh shut up
It grows even stronger
Morde: Its growing stronger!
Morde uses his Sun Solar Sabre to slash at it but knocks him down
Camaro: You guys keep using the same moves that wont work
Ben: Do you have any ideas Mr smarty pants?
Camaro: Just did this one
Camaro uses his Blood Horn sickle to do his ultimate Blood Wave slash attack
Camaro: Get out of my Partner!
Sebastian Hears him as he does it
He kills the Techna Pad
He then walks up to Sebastian
Camaro: You ok?
Sebastian: You called me partner
A Red dot of the Techna Pad is still alive
Brain: What!?
Techna Pad: You think you've defeated me? Your clearly mistaken
It starts to jump at Camaro it starts blasting at him
Camaro: Damn it You dont know when to quit do you!?
Techna Pad: Me and Sebastian will be forever as one for the rest of eternity and I'm not going to let you stop me!
Camaro: Screw off!
He uses him as a Golf ball
Camaro: You messed with the wrong Ranger
He smashes it to pieces and it dies
Sebastian is now free from Techna Pad and escapes from being tied up
Sebastian: Thanks dude you totally powned him so did you really mean it when you said that I was your partner?
Camaro: Wouldn't say partner but companion in crime
Sebastian: That's even better!
Ben: So guess that means your on our side
He knees Ben
Ben: Oof!
Camaro: As if come on Sebastian let's get go
Sebastian: Yeah! Later losers
Therntin: He does realise this is his house right?
The Scene cuts to The Lair
Trunx: Well look who's back
Sebastian: Yeah I'm back so what?
Luka: We already told you that we dont want you here
Camaro: Well I'm want him here got a problem with that?
Karvac: Ugh its Obvious that these two are meant for each other
Braxgin: Enough!
He walks up to Sebastian
Braxgin: Welcome back
Sebastian: Glad to be back
Braxgin: Mess up again and this time you'll be kicked out permanently for good this time understood
Sebastian: Yes sir
He walks away
Sebastian: So what do you think those rocks are for?
Camaro: I still dont know
Virvin is seen powering the rocks to make the souls come alive
Virvin: I have to make sure to install these Vuna rocks for the soul army to be complete
He puts another one in
The Scene cuts to the Rangers in the base
Vic: Woah you guys look beat what happened to you?
Brain: Dont ask
Ben: Let's just say that we had to rescue Sebastian from a Gaming like control freak evil mastermind that had the power to take over people's mind
Klayton: You saved Sebastian?
Morde: Only for Camaro
Bill: Speaking of Sebastian have you check out his YouTube channel it's very good
Penelope: No
Bill: Well I subscribed too it secretly
Brain: I wonder how Sebastian is now?
The Ending Scene cuts to Sebastian at Home
He finds a Game boy and throws it away
The End